A substratum of peace lies underneath the grief [or reaction to world and circumstance]...I don't call it happiness but something greater than that...
Eckhart Tolle
This "something greater," this "perfection" Vivekananda wrote about as I recorded in the previous entry was also written about in Siddhartha, by Herman Hesse. Just as Siddhartha wrapped in despair and hopelessness, completely weary of the ways of the world, was about to take his own life by falling into the river that would later save him...this perfection, this essence, this substratum of peace reached out and spoke to him.
Then out of remote areas of his soul, out of past times of his now weary life, a sound stirred up. It was a word, a syllable, which he withoout thinking, with a slurred voice, spoke to himself, the old word which is the beginning and the end of all prayers of the Brahmans, the holy "Om", which roughly means "that what is perfect"or "the completion". And in that moment when the sound of "Om" touched Sdiddhartha's ear, his dormant spirit woke up and realized the foolishness of his actions...
Another sample of serendipity though it will likley not appear that way to anyone but me.
Today when I was meditating ( before I was reminded of the quote above), being the very imperfect meditator that I am, decided to focus on "om". I feel sometimes as if the years of suffering have caught up with me, like they did with Siddhartha, I too have the experience of a "weary life" quite a bit lately. Psychologists might call this experience "languishing" rather than "flourishing". Though, I am nowhere near the point where I want to end my life, as Siddhartha was at, I am weary at times of being so acutely aware of the suffering of other beings. It can sometimes be overwhelming. That is why I practice.
Every morning I go down to my studio, pop a squat on a yoga cushion, pick up my mala, and I "meditate." Like I said, I am not a great meditator, nor do I have any intentions of being one. My goal is not to reach nirvana or enlightenment during those sessions. My goal is to simply disconnect from the suffering or at least distance myself from it for a few moments a day.
My mind is constantly active during my practice. I am okay with that. It isn't my goal during meditation to reach any great state. I do not attempt to stop the thinking or resist it...I just label it as "thinking" and watch it as it floats off....if it floats off. I watch myself thinking too. I allow what ever is to be. Without resistance, the mind will often slow down on its own. I do find peace.
Anyway, I realized that I, as this form and personality, may never be able to reach that "perfection", that "essence" that " absolute peace" through my practice. I am fully aware there is a substratum of peace there...I am. I am also aware that is buried under layers and layers of samskaras and personal identity. My form, and mind may never be evolved enough to dig through these layers in order to dismantle "me". I decided, then, to simply ask this spirit to wake up, do the cutting through the veil and reach "me" instead. Well, not "me" but who I really am so that I am aware, so that most barriers are removed. I was told that "om" would do that. So that is how I meditated this morning. I was asking the "om" to cut its way through all the layers mind created.
Then, today, after listening to Tolle, I was inspired to open up Siddhartha and find something that related to what he said in the above quote. I found that passage above and realized how much it also related to my practice this morning. Go figure!
Sigh! Maybe something is cutting through after all.
All is well.
Herma Hesse ( 1922) Siddhartha. Amazon.
Eckhart Tolle ( May, 2024) Eckhart Tolle on Transforming Suffering Into Awakening. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2bbqFwKtYE
Yesterday's post.
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