Work

 Then we shall find the secret. "He who finds in the midst of intense activity the greatest rest, and in the midst of the greatest rest intense activity, he has become a yogi  (The Gita IV.18 from Vivekananda)

I erronously believe at times that I should work to serve others.  When I do it becomes work, labour, effort instead of effortless action. I become attached to the fruits of my labour rather than just enjoying the process. I feel it is my duty and my responsibility to "fix" my children...or at least to die trying.  I feel it is my obligation to serve and put great effort into those beings in my community who are in need. I put much more time and effort into a ten hour a week job than the average person would.  Why? I erronously beleive it is my spiritual mission to serve. 

Huh? How grandiose does that sound? 

It is not others I am to serve...It is God. It is that Life energy beneath everything that I am to serve...not forms, not egos (mine or others). It is this moment that I am to serve...by truly noticing it, allowing it, appreciating it,  honoring it, and worshipping it!  Not this idea of service. 

It is blasphemy to think that you can help anyone. First root out this idea of helping, and then go to worship.

Say what, crazy lady? 

I need to learn to worship this Life I have been given and the Source of the gift. Someone recently said to me when I was rambling on about how tiring and heart breaking it is to attempt to help others who just do not seem to want to be heped.  About how I was draining my own life energy in an attempt to infuse others with some, "Yeah", she said. "...but this is your Life too." It was like OMG!  It hit me like a ton of bricks. It isn't God's intention for me to suffer through Life as a martyr. I am supposed to experience this Life too, not just help others experience it better. I am not serving God when I am burnt out and tired and sick all the time. I serve God when I am open to the joy already within me. I serve  God when the love, joy, creativity, passion flows freely through me. When I provide service in the physical form I need to see beyond the physical form in me and in the other to the God essence in all...that is what I serve.  That is what I worship! 

Mother Teresa served selflessly but she did so worshipping that which she was serving.

I know I am touching the living body of Christ in the broken bodies of the hungry and the suffering.

We become yogis when our work becomes an effortless worship of all that is. 

I, in March, began writing three little books or learning packages (I guess what we call them is not important) related to this little job I have taken on in an attempt to create something that would be of service to others.  (It would also, I caught myself assuming, be of service to "me", feeding an ego that wanted to be redeemed.) At first it was an effortless action...full of inspiration and creativity. Totally inspired and selfless.  Than it became a bit of a chore as I got more and more attached. It became more about "me" than the other.  In my rush, I just wanted to get them done so I could "show" them to someone before I left this little job...as if to say, "See what I did while I was here! Wasn't my service valauble and selfless?" Man...that is actually the thought running through my mind. How selfless is that? 

Of course, when the free flowing creative expression became effort and work; when the detachment to the fruits of action became attachment...I "lost that serving feeling...now it's gone, gone, gone. oh...oh.oh...oh..oh..oh"  

I stopped worshipping  the essence behind what I was doing and started worshipping the ego with its grandiose assumptions that it was "me" doing the serving. In writing, more than in any other type of service I might do, there should never be a me...I have to get out of the way to let the ink just run through me.  I am just a conduit for an amazing energy to pour through. That process itself is magical and deserves to be worshipped.  It is amazing, just to be a part of it.

But oh no...I too often step in to control it under the guise of "service to others". When "me" steps in, it gets in the way and it  damns up the flow.  I then have to twist and squeeze the writing out of me. The finished product doesn't serve in the way it could have if I staid out of it. 

When we stay unattached to what we do as work, when we use every moment that unfolds in front of us as an opportunity to worship God, to worship Life...an amazing thing happens...

Then work is no more slavery. It becomes a play, and a joy itself. Work! Be unattached! That is the whole secret. 

Hmmm! I thought I had that lesson well learned in my my mind lol. I guess, I slipped again. No problem...I will just get back to it.  I will work at being free by honoring and worshipping every moment...even in those moments when I slip. My work will become my play and my joy.

All is well. 

Swami Vivekananda ( n.d.) The Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda. Volumes 1-8. 1.4 Lectures and Discourses. Kindle Edition