Right Understanding

 If you understand what is going on, you will find your way out. 

Michael Singer

I truly believe I understand what is going on and what needs to be done to end this perception of "suffering"for this body and mind I call "me" in this human experience I elected to have in it. I believe I have "Right Understanding" as I travel along this eight fold path.  I do...

But...

 It is really difficult! I have not yet found my way out of the mess this "me" has put itself in.  I see the light and I am heading for it but I have to make my way around this busy chaotic mess to get there. There is so much automatic programming in my subconscious mind that  has the ability to pull this amazing consciousness, that I know I am, down into the chaos of this "busy world". There are so many powerful samskaras being released at one time it seems. So, the experience of "shame and fear" is so great in my Life right now. Shame probably more so than fear. I have the experience of feeling ashamed of almost everything this human does, what this human is. I forget who I am in this distraction, and see myself as this "fearful, shame-based human." 

On top of the samskaras coming up, I also have Life doing what Life does. Though I have enough "Right Understanding" to know that Life is not 'picking on me' or punishing me, that it is just doing what Life does, it is challenging to constantly get hit in the face by circumstances. I grasp and cling for every ray of light I can find in the form of purpose, wholesome activity, change, that will get me to my destination, that will end this sense of suffering. I do things, create things, seek out help from others in hope that will get me there. Instead of getting closer, I am reminded again and again that ego is still so active both in its tendency to shame and its tendency to redeem. So, I end up experiencing more of this shame as it gets triggered again and again to come to the surface when I recognize how my ego is still running my life. Sigh! 

I truly want to "Rightly Understand" that this samskara triggering I am experiencing now is a good thing...that I am healing and purifying so more light can shine through.  But Man, does it ever suck to feel it over and over again. It puts me in a low energy state which I know is counterproductive to my mission. Life reacts by giving me more of what I am putting out there. It is a vicious cycle.

It just feels like a lot right now. 

I am so much more aware of "ego" than I ever was.  I know true healing means getting beyond ego...going deeper...and I think I have in many ways as I take on one project after another...only to discover that there is another spiritual ego at play.  I will suddenly recognize this ego in the motivation of some of my human activities, goals, thought processes and Boom! There is that big fat samskara of shame to greet me once again. 

Right understanding starts with awareness.... If you are not aware ...you are not here. Consciousness is the beginning and ending of all meaning. Awareness is the foundation of the meaning of everything.

"I am in here aware of things..." "Who is aware of your thoughts?" is  a much better life affirming question to ask than, "What are your thoughts?" 

I am aware at moments...I believe ...but I seem to keep slipping from the "felt experience " of awareness to living in "an idea of someone seeking awareness." 

I keep getting lost in what consciousness is staring at, rather than what consciousness is.  I know the experience I seek is the maintenance of the felt experience of living as consciousness rather than repeatedly getting lost in the objects of consciousness.  

Consciousness is so distracted so it it is identified with what it is looking at.

[Enlightenment is when] consciousness itself ceases to focus on the individuality of your thoughts, your emotions, your drama and focuses on consciousness itself.

Though I obviously have a lot more work to do with purifying and getting beyond ego's hold on me...I find some solace in this statement..

"I am not right but I can see why I think the way I think and perceive the world the way I perceive it."

I know where is is all coming from both psychologically and spiritually and why. I see what is happening and what this mind of mine is doing. That in a way says...I do have right understanding... doesn't it? There is so much "Right Understanding" there . That is, until I find myself asking the powers that be:

"Did I really ask for this return to light  to be this hard before I incarnated? What was I thinking?" 

I just have so much more work to do and I am so tired. Is it really supposed to be this hard? Or am I just an extra messed up human? 

Belief in the notion that I chose these challenges  for a growth purpose this human does not yet understand is helping me to get through the day. It is easier to look up towards what some would refer to as the woo-woo than it is to look down at the mess. I am trying to look over the mess as I make my way to the light. Unfortunately I cannot seem to keep my eyes up.  I get pulled from this Seat of consciousness down into the muck of these objects of consciousness again and again. I cannot avoid what is in front of me. Maybe, my approach is wrong.  Maybe. I need to ask this question: 

How can I be okay with, respect and honor the humanity that is down there as it experiences pain?

I don't know yet but I will keep working on the undersatnding so I can make my way through this mess.

Is it naturally the way you want it to be? No Why? Because things are the way they are.

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( November, 2025) Right Understanding: The Journey Back to Self. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zo9eQa4x9OY&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=2