Disturbed? Tossed around?

 Yes, there are beautiful experiences, but they come and go. The meaning of Life is much deeper than that. Page 120

Michael A. Singer

Deeper than what, crazy lady? 

Disturbed Mess Inside

Deeper than our pleasant emotions, even human love. Of course that is hard for most of us to get our heads around because we are so busy looking for something out there to fix what is broken "in here." Things like pleasant experiences, even human love, we tell ourselves is enough  to fix, or delete the mess. At least, we convince ourselves when we become more aware of our tendencies,  these things we pull in from the outside  are enough to  temporarily numb or help us distract and get away from the disturbance inside us.

I have a disturbed mess inside me right now.  I am pretty "moody" and emotional. I am feeling negative and my attention seems to be drawn to the negative. Why? Because some particular  samskaras in my heart  have been hit by recent life circumstance and the shakti trapped  beneath them   is shooting out like a faucet with a partially clogged trap,  in its attempt to be released..

Huh?

Emotion is Blocked Energy

An emotion is caused by the shakti hitting the blockages in your heart and shooting out to release the blocked energies.  This creates enough disturbance to your normal flow that your attention gets drawn to these disturbed energies.  Emotions are a release of blocked energy.  This goes for both negative and positive emotions. page 117

Samskaras Blocking the Flow of A Determined Shakti

According to Michael A. Singer in  Chapter 24 of  living untethered, I am likely feeling "down" because Shakti energy flow is down, and that is down because there seems to be just a pin prick size hole in my heart right now letting the energy through. The Shakti on the other side of that hole is determined to push its way through, despite the interference,  making me an emotional mess.  There are big old samskaras...some past injury   in my heart center right now. It is acting like a  fat clot or some nasty plaque formation narrowing the lumen of the heart center artery.  It is getting picked and prodded by my reaction to life circumstances and this in turn is disturbing the energy flow. Shakti is building up in pressure on the other side. It will not be held back forever.  It is determined to flow.  It has to shove and push and break away pieces of this samskara to get through, pushing memories and the pain of old unhealed wounds up into my psyche .   What is able to come through in spurts and splattering gushes with the memory, is a chaotic collection of old trapped feelings of inadequacy, shame, fear, doubt and helplessness. This disturbed flow  is taking "me" away with it.   I am getting all tangled up and tossed around as it becomes my focus. Hmm! 

Old Habits Die Hard

I feel even more pain than I would feel by simply experiencing the life events taking place around me. I don't like the pain.  I  find myself going back to old familiar tendencies or habit energies...searching "out there" to help me find peace "in here".  I see myself desiring some form of redemption in external world standards...I see myself reaching for soothing pleasant experiences and feeling let down and beat up when I can not seem to grasp or cling to enough of them, I feel the unpleasant coming up and automatically I start to push it back down again. 

Sure, what I am dealing with now in regards to life circumstance is challenging but it is turned into full blown suffering and dukkha by the reactivation of samskaras...these past wounds that keep getting poked. It is the old wounding that is really causing all the problems.

But I Am More Aware

What is different now, in this stage of my evolution, is that I am more aware of  what is happening inside me. Though I still get tossed around, I am aware that I am being tossed around.  I am no longer in the normal state of not paying attention.  I am looking inward and reflecting deeply.  I am committed to healing,  once and for all. I am determine to suffer through so the heart can open and stay open. I want these samskaras out!  

Its hard to believe that our moods, attractions, and repulsions are so dependent on our past, but it is true.  In our normal state, we're not paying any attention to what is going on- we're just being tossed around by it. Page 121

I have a lot of deep wounding. So I think I am experiencing, with this sudden darkness to my moods,  a  broken or disturbed faucet flow about to become a damn bursting type of scenario,. Am I ready to handle that?  I don't know.  .I want an open heart...at all costs...which will mean dealing with some pretty nasty pain of second arrow wounding. But I am determined  to heal once and for all.  So... bring it on!  Bring it on!.

 There are much higher energy centers you are capable of experiencing, and the further you go into these centers, the more beautiful all of life becomes. But if you can't do the work with the heart center, you will never know the higher centers exist. page 120

All is well

Note: Though this chapter really made a lot of sense to me in so many ways, I still find myself confused about what "me" is and what to do about it. Several questions come up as I write this like "Who is the" I" that has the disturbed mess inside,  if the true Self cannot be disturbed?  Whose insides are we talking about...must be "me's" insides right? Because the Self is an observer looking in? Are we dealing with little "me" again?  M y samskaras are "me" injury and wounding, not Self wounding, and therefore not significant or even "real",  are they? So if we witness it all going on as Self / witness consciousness why be bothered releasing the samskaras?  If samskaras are a "me" thing and therefore not real ...how can Shakti, which is real,  be blocked by them?? I need to reflect on all this as well.

Anyway...just putting it out there.

Michael A. Singer ( 2022) living untethered. New Harbinger/ Sounds True

More on Self-Care

 

Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious.You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will an will not accept.

Anna Taylor

Still working on that bit of advice I recently received. 

I am hoping that what I put here is read with a grain of salt.  I am definitely  no expert.  I learn a lot from what I consider to be great teachers and I share what I learn.  Most of what I provide, though, comes from exploring my own mind...my own internal reactions and response to life circumstance.  I learn a heck of a lot from my mistakes and I make many! I have come to view mistakes ( wrong view, wrong thought, wrong action, wrong speech, wrong livelihood etc) as positive and valuable learning tools that help to take me to the "rights". So I share what I learn from others and from my own experiences.  That, I know, is not for everyone. I am okay with that.  I feel compelled to share anyway.

So in that stream,  I will share, once again, about what I am learning about self-compassion and self-care. As I was saying in my last entry, I am very confused about the self in self care. Traditionally that self is the "me" we are trying to dissolve.  So it seems kind of counterproductive to care for something you are trying to get rid of, doesn't it? Yet ...just as we learn with compassion not to step on  insects just because they are annoying  and  in the  way...we need to learn that  we do not squish and punish the self ( even if it is just a mind-made thing) because it is annoying and  in the way. 

Upon looking deeply, I figure that the ego does serve a purpose on our journey.  We don't have to punish it; we work with it compassionately until it dissolves on its own accord , once it becomes a shadow  in the greatness of Self. 

Body often reflects the need of that self.  I have spent many days this week up all night caring for beings in need in one way or another.  I had put aside the needs of "me" ( my body and lower mind needs) for the needs of others. I neglected "me" and I even punished "me" for  asking to have its needs met. As a result, I found myself in this situation of semi-chaos...things are just messy and chaotic around "me" and me is in pain...physical and emotional.  I woke up yesterday with a cluster of chest pain that is still coming and going and instead of being able to push "me" to do more I have pretty much been confined to the couch.  

Emotionally, I have just been overwhelmed with the suffering of others and this sense of helplessness I feel in taking away that suffering even though I know it isn't mine to take away. And my old samskaras keep coming up to the surface, sometimes so unexpectedly and I often feel that pain. My outer world is a little chaotic and crowded and busy right now...so I am not having the time to practice and write and reflect like I would.  I am not having solitude.  Boundaries are blurred. My time and energy is not  always put towards doing that which nourishes me.  So that adds to the emotional disequilibrium I have been experiencing.  "Me" has so many other needs that psychologists might point out that are not being met and sometimes I feel them missing.

This is simply a reminder that we cannot deny or punish "me" in our quest to be more evolved.  I pushed myself too hard and too far.  I neglected my own needs. We need to recognize the needs of "me" while me is still around and to  meet,  the wholesome ones at least, in a healthy way.  Self compassion is key. 

Anyway, still do not understand completely and maybe I never will but I will share any insight I gain to whomever might benefit from it.

All is well. 

Dealing With the "Me"

 May you[and I] be filled with loving kindness, held in loving kindness. May you [and I] realize loving kindness as our essence. May you [and I] be happy.  May you[ and I] be well. May you accept yourself just as you are. [May I accept myself just as I am]. May you[ and I] feel peaceful and safe. May our hearts and minds awaken and be free.

Tara Brach 

What do I do with me?

I am having a hard time with understanding what I need to do with "me". I desperately want to dissolve the personal "me" so it isn't in the way any longer.  I see the trouble it causes and how it prevents the energy of who we really are from coming through.  I do. I see how we get all tangled up in "me" stuff to the detriment of being able to experience the amazing flow of Life, with all its coming and goings, in a clear and peaceful way. I see the unnecessary suffering that "poor little me" and all the samskaras and habit tendencies lead to for ourselves and for the world.  I don't like "being trapped in "me". I want out. I want to awaken, be Self-realized and enlightened...as woo-woo as that may make this all sound. I want to be free from all this suffering or dukkha that too many of us consider "normal".  I want to be clearer and wiser. I want my  speech and my actions...what I give the world...to be wholesome. I want to be detached from all the "drama" personalities bring about. I want to experience Life through the clarity of witness consciousness not from ego. I want to get away from "me".

The Conundrum

Yet, though I am studying and learning and practicing how to do this, I constantly run in to a conundrum. These questions come to light: Am I doing this right? Am I supposed to just drop "me" like a pair of dirty socks? Or is there some part of me that I am supposed to nourish, nurture and  care for? To look after? To stand up for and protect? I am learning that Self-compassion is necessary for there to be other compassion yet I am also learning that really there is no separation between Self and other. So how do I deal with "me"?

Desperate to Be Free of Me

Now I know that self ("me") and Self are not one and the same.  Self is who we really are...the witness consciousness...that which is everything. It is this part of us that never changes, never dies, always "is"...doesn't get wounded or disturbed by what is happening to us or around us. Before we are fully aware that we are  merged with witness consciousness...before we are completely yogic...there is this wounded "me" we need to deal with, however. In the process of realizing the woundless Self we need to deal with the wounded self...do we not?  The "me":this personality, this body and this mind was wounded ( even if these things and the wounding are just perceptions). In the process of realizing that which can not be harmed, we are still dealing with that which we believe can be harmed and  therefore  we are experiencing or have experienced harm. Thus the samskaras. Can we be free of "me" as long as these samskaras keep getting poked inside this "me",  constantly dragging us back to the perception of "me"?

Complete Self-Denial, Not the Answer

Th Buddha himself tried denying "me"...and detaching from me by ignoring the needs of body and mind.  He tried starving himself, not sleeping , and even flogging himself ...in hopes of getting rid of his attachment to this "me"...but it didn't get him anywhere but deathly ill.  If his body and mind were to succumb to this type of "me"-deprivation...he would never have become the Buddha.   He would never have awakened or become truly Self-realized. 

Until we totally get the unreality of self, how much do we deny it? 

Hmm! Though I am far from undertaking the level of  ascetism  the Buddha attempted, there seems to be a level of self-denial  in my process that is unhealthy. This  body and mind I am in still has needs and wounds that keep getting triggered.  I still hurt.  I have been trying to deny them...push past them and give all of " me" away to the point I am exhausting self and becoming so depleted I have little left to give.  I have so little physical energy, joy and peace in me. I made, it seems,  everyone's needs more important than my own. I don't have what psychologists would call "healthy boundaries" .  Someone calls me in need and I go.  It doesn't matter how tired I am or how much I am giving up to go...like my practice for example or my sleep or my meals or my limited funds or my space or my energy.  I just  go or I give!  If I don't act I absorb the suffering of the other as if it was my own and it will haunt me.  I am so full of the suffering of others I don't have time to deal with anything inside this "me". I give so much I deplete my energy.  

"What about me"?

Sometimes a little voice will emerge in my head saying, "What about me?" and I will squish it so quickly and somewhat angrily with, "Well it isn't about "me"!  My goal is to get beyond me. Me doesn't matter...it is only in the way. Go away "me"...go away! " 

Others will approach me and say, "You look exhausted.  You are doing it again.  You are giving too much.  You need to learn to say "no" and set some boundaries for yourself.  You have rights and needs too. You deserve to be cared for too.  You have to look after yourself."   And I will just look at them with a sense of spiritual superiority and smile as I think to myself, "They don't yet  understand that "me" and "self" are just mind made things in the way of what I am seeking. They are not as evolved as I am." 

Imagine! That is how all this "getting -past -"me" thing goes on in my head.  And I and some other people tend to think I am such a giving, compassionate  person!

Being A Martyr Is Not the Answer

Contrary to what people might say, this doesn't make me a self-less, kind and giving spiritual person...it makes me an unhealthy martyr. Martyr's are not evolved beings...they are people trying to gain something ego boosting through their so called sacrifices. Through my "sacrifices" I am trying to create order and peace around me so I can feel comfortable inside. I still have this mixed up notion that I will only be able to be ( or deserve to be, maybe) at peace and be happy if all those around me are at peace and happy. I am erroneously trying to create, fix and manipulate a certain peace in my outside world so I can have peace in my inner one. I am also trying to escape my own suffering by focusing on the suffering of others.  On top of that, I am trying to gain spiritual brownie points so I awaken faster e  And I am really not helping the other by doing what I am doing.  I am enabling probably more than helping. Their suffering is there to help them grow. By taking it up as my own, I deny them that opportunity.  

I know, through the Buddha's journey,  self-denial and ascetism  is not the path to Self-realization. There is a gentler and much more effective approach we can take. Self-compassion is  key! 

Accepting and Being Kind to "Me"

 Eventually the "me" will be dissolved but in the meantime, in the earlier stages of self realization that most of us will never get beyond, while "me" is still in the picture, maybe we have to treat "me" like an ignorant and needy child.  Maybe we need to be loving and kind to it instead of always wanting to deny it or  punish it like I seem to have been doing.  Maybe we do have to do, as the psychologists suggest,: set boundaries and ensure its rights and needs are met. Maybe in our quest to understand that there is no individual self, just one united Self, we need to treat this idea of self in the same way we treat the idea of other.  Maybe we need to show just as much loving kindness and compassion to "me" as we do to those so called "others". 

Undeserving?

Why is that so bloody difficult to do? Why is self compassion so hard? Why is nurturing ourselves not a priority? I suppose there a thousand root causes to this resistance wrapped around every samskara still stuck within us. One word stands out as the source of suffering for me ( and possibly for many others) and that is "undeserving".  Within those wounds are some messages that  chirp that we are undeserving as an individual self; that others are more deserving. Some core belief gets triggered with every samskara bump that says that, "Me is bad wrong or inadequate and therefore undeserving of having its needs met". And the messages we receive on our spiritual journeys that explain the necessity of getting rid of "me"...of how it is only in the way....may actually trigger some old samskaras in us that echo this message even louder.

Message Revealed and Reinforced  From Departing Samskaras

Despite all my confusion about how I should handle "me", I know I am doing something right in my practice and with my motivation and intention to wake up because old samskaras keep coming to the surface.  And these samskaras are not only releasing pent up emotional energy when they come up but they are also releasing this message into my mind. I am hearing, along with the wise words of enlightened others, that I, as a "me", am inadequate and undeserving. I think that is also why I may be overdoing it with the giving, and pouring myself dry, why I am having a hard time being compassionate with my lower self. I am listening to the mind's messages again.. 

Anyway, as I was contemplating this and looking to meditate on it, I came across this loving kindness meditation for self from Tara Brach with the above affirmations in it. I recommend it for anyone struggling as I am to be kinder to self as they attempt to diminish it for Self.

All is well. . 

Tara Brach (2019?) Meditation with Tara Brach: Developing Self Compassion. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYk-MldGDWA&t=1070s

Stepping Back to Observe With Willingness and Motivation

 With the light of perfect wisdom, dispel the cloud of ignorance.  Subject to decay are all conditioned things.  Practice with diligence. 

The Buddha's last words

I want to practice with diligence. What about you?

One of the things we are reminded to do through our practice, be it a yoga practice or a dharma practice or just a life practice...is to step back into witness consciousness and observe.  Take a step backwards, create some distance between Self and "self", between what seems to be happening and what is etc; while we detach and let go of our wrong views and mixed up ways of seeing . We replace ignorance and confusion  with clarity  as we observe what is happening on the stage we erroneously believe is us, and on the world stage before us, which erroneously believe isn't us. ...without getting all tangled up in it. 

Taking a step back,  we observe our mind and heart patterns.  We observe what we have been doing that is not working as we travel along on our hero's quest for happiness! We seek to drop the veil of ignorance so we can experience the wisdom that is there for us to embrace. 

Enlightenment, Eckhart tolle reminds us in Laughter Breaks Through the Ego, is all about "light".  It is a discovering of light inside us, the same light that is shining in all of us, a light that will remove darkness,  "the cloud of ignorance".   It is also referring to our ability to become "lighter",  in terms of  achieving a lack of heaviness which means freedom. Enlightenment is Self realization. 

To awaken, like the Buddha did, we need to be willing and motivated to look inside our hearts and minds. This motivation will require the development of  a "courageous heart" and the of use " heroic effort".  We need to see how we have been seeking happiness in all the wrong places and in all the wrong ways and to understand we  are only suffering more in the long run from our misguided attempts. 

Why should I , being subject to decay and death, subject to change keep seeking that which is subject to decay and death, keep seeking that which is subject to change? In these great cycles of birth and death where is freedom and happiness to be found?

The Buddha

We are all looking for freedom and happiness whether we know it or not. How do we find it?

Well, we are hopefully getting that the method we have been using to date, of clinging and resisting, doesn't work.  Right? So if we want freedom and happiness, we need to be willing and motivated enough to change our patterns of relating to our inner and outer worlds. We start by observing what those old patterns are and then who is the One observing?  We observe from the spaciousness of  witness consciousness

It is certainly difficult knowing what to do when all that commotion is going on.  The only lasting solution is to realize that it is the same you noticing it all. You are the one who is aware that your thoughts and emotions are shifting. It happens to us all the time.  Just relax and be the one that notices.  Be the one who sees the many-this is the path to self-realization.  Michael A. Singer, page 115

In The Buddha's Life and Journey with Joseph Goldstein, we are reminded of Joseph Campbell's mythological description of The Buddha's awakening under the Bodhi tree. We can apply those stages to our own awakening.

We can recognize our call to destiny. Suffering often is that call, that catalyst that says:"  I don't want to do this anymore, like this. It isn't working.  I am suffering more from my misguided attempts than I am finding happiness. I can't run from what is inside me any longer...it only creates more pain in the long run."

Then in the second stage, the great renunciation, we let go of our wrong view, our mixed up way of looking at the world, our tendencies that do not serve and we become willing to release those samskaras we have clung to.  We loosen our grip and stop clinging. We stop resisting what is. 

In the third stage we enter the great struggle.  We struggle, because we are motivated to do so, against the powers of delusion and illusion. We remove the veil of ignorance for the clarity of wisdom. 

And finally we awaken...seeing and understanding that which is ours to see and understand. We understand clearly the cause of suffering and the solution for it.. 

Goldstein reminds us of these lovely words from Henry  David Thoreau,  I went out to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and to see if I could not learn what it had to teach., and not, when it came to die, discover that I had not lived. " 

What is your motivation for practice? Why do you want enlightenment or Self-realization? 

My motivation for being here...is my desire for wisdom and understanding. I want to front out the essential facts.  I also have a desire to be happy and at peace so I can help others be happier and more peaceful. I believe there is quality to this motivation regardless if I ever help another soul or not. I guess my motivation makes my actions successful.

The quality of the motivation is a much truer measure of our actions than their success or failure...Dali Lama

It all starts with stepping back and observing the process and how we are in it. 

All is well.

Joseph Goldstein /Be Here and Now Network. The Buddha's Life and Journey with Joseph Goldstein https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aW7_twGZJRs

Joseph Goldstein/ Tricycle: The Buddhist Review, The Example of the Buddha,https://tricycle.org/magazine/the-example-of-the-buddha/

Michael A. Singer ( 2022) living untethered New Harbinger/ Sounds True

Eckhart Tolle/ Namaste Publishing ( ) Eckhart tolle Laughter Breaks Through the Ego. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyUG5KnutTo

From the Heart Flows Rivers of Living Water

 Your psyche is the net result of all your blockages and how the energy manages to flow through them.

Michael A. Singer, living untethered, page 113.

Do we all get that ? 

Do we understand that within us we have samskaras: old stuffed  memories and impressions wrapped in an emotional energy we find too painful to face; and we also have the wonderful blissful, loving energy of ,what  yogis, likeSinger, refer to as Shakti. 

Shakti is constantly trying to flow through us and out of us as it is meant to do but between the samskaras and the emotional sticks we jam into the flow...we keep blocking it. Like a jammed river...with the unstoppable drive to flow....it is constantly trying to get past or find a way around these blockages. Many of us have so many blockages...so many samskaras getting bumped and hit...so many negative automatic thoughts stirring up the inner turmoil...so many opening and closings of the heart...so many complex emotional vibrations that  the inner energy is so disturbed we feel anything but bliss. Some of us feel hardly any joy, love or inspiration because little to none of that life enhancing Shakti can make it through.  Yet that Shakti, like the water of the Colorado River behind the Hoover Damn, is constantly pushing, pushing, pushing to get past these blockages so it can do what it is meant to do...flow. We feel that build up of emotional energy and blocked Shakti  like we are "about to crack" or "explode"! This is the normal for most of us.

Our thoughts and feelings are dependent on our blockages and  blockages are running our lives! 

Until you get very centered in witness consciousness, you are going to follow your thoughts and emotions, and they are determined by your samskaras. page 113

We emotionally, cognitively and behaviourally  react to life circumstance when it triggers our samskaras. When we deal with a life circumstance that triggers a pleasant stored memory that we were clinging to in hope and expectation of reliving it again and again and again...the heart opens and we have a big gush of Shakti through the heart   It feels good inside...not because of what did or didn't happen on the outside... but because the heart opened enough for enough Shakti to get through to make us feel good.  

If, on the other hand,  we encounter a life circumstance that triggers a painful stuffed memory or emotion...we may react by closing the heart through resistance and aversion. We jam a stick into the flow, reducing any space  around the samskara so little to no flow of Shakti can get through.Sure that may mean we don't have to deal with the full painful vibration of the samskara at that time but it also means  little joy, love, enthusiasm,  inspiration, happiness or bliss gets through. We also feel the  build up of  this Shakti on the other side  of  the blockage. It has to try even harder to push the samskara up and away or at least find a way to flow through or around.  We are a mess inside when that happens. 

Of course, the solution is to eventually release all the blockages, to keep the heart open so the flow of Shakti can constantly and consistently flow up and through.  With nothing in the way we would feel the wonderful energy of  love and bliss and joy all the time...regardless of what is happening to us or around us. Our inner happiness would not be dependent on what is or isn't happening out there. 

So the goal: Let go of all the junk you are holding on to.  Just let it go!  

How do we do that?

• Observe and notice what you are doing. This is where yoga comes in. Observe your mind and your heart.  Watch your inner tendencies...notice when you are blocking your Shakti by reacting and resisting what is unfolding in front of you. Recognize how your emotions and thoughts are  closing your heart. Notice how you are stuffing and putting great energy into holding painful memories down.  
• See how these tendencies create more inner turmoil instead of peace
• Be willing to do it differently: Make a commitment to not close the heart.
• Relax into the triggers. Start with small triggers and work up to the bigger ones.
• Start to confront that which you spent a life time trying to avoid: your samskaras.  
• Accept and allow the discomfort of the samskaras as they make their way up into your psyche and make room for them to be released.
• Most importantly:  Realize all this inner turmoil  isn't you! We are not the triggers, the samskaras, or the emotions or the thoughts...We are the one who is witnessing all that is happening within us. As a witness to our inner flow of energy we are not caught up in it.

The important question is not what to do about this, it is: Who is noticing all this?  The same consciousness is aware of this entire process going on inside. There may be many samskaras in there, but there are not many of you in there. There is only one consciousness watching all these competing patterns and identifying with them.  page 114.

All is well! 

Michael A. Singer ( 2022) living untethered. New Harbinger/ Sounds True

Already Are That Which You Seek

There is no goal to be reached. There is nothing to be attained.  You are the Self. You exist always. Nothing more can be predicated of the Self than that it exists.

Ramana Maharshi, from Be As You Are (David Godman, editor), Location 545 

The ego self appears and disappears and is transitory, whereas the real Self is permanent. Though you are actually the true Self you wrongly identify the real Self with the  ego -self. (Maharshi, location 551) 

Not Difficult Just Because the Ego Says It Is

It seems that "waking up" to who we really are is difficult and problematic.  We do not know how to reach that goal of  Self.-realization. Maharshi reminds us that we are already Self-realized , we just don't know it. Our doubt and confusion, elements of the ego-Self , are in the way of us simply knowing that which we already know. 

Avidya is only our ignorance and nothing more. It is ignorance of forgetfulness of the Self. Can there be darkness before the sun? Similarly, can there be ignorance before the self-evident and self-luminous Self? If you know the Self there will be no darkness, no ignorance and no misery. (Maharshi, location 574)

Summing up what I have read today from Ramana Maharshi or at least trying to.

We are already Self-realized; already free...yet  a certain ignorance is in the way of our knowing that. This ignorance is   brought on by our Samskaras which are brought on by our ego-self which is nothing more than a thought, an illusion in itself. If we remove the veil of ignorance by removing the samskaras , by removing the  thought of an ego self ...we will be free. Hmmm!

We are trapped in an illusion of being trapped when really we are nothing but free because we are nothing but Self.

Nothing Unreal Exists

I am reminded of the famous passage from A Cours ein Miracles: 

Nothing real can be threatened

Nothing unreal exists

Herein lies the peace of God.

Self cannot be threatened . Self-realization really cannot be threatened either.  It is as it is Our difficulty realizing Self therefore doesn't exist, because it is unreal. Ego self doesn't exist because it too is unreal. There is just Self and in that Self is the peace of God we  erroneously believe we are struggling to realize. 

There is an analogy that Maharshi uses and it will relate to our most recent discussion on dream and deep sleep state. If a man ( or woman) is sleeping in a big room but is dreaming of  travelling all over the world.and even  if those dreams are so  vivid the dreamer  does not see or experience the room they are in, they are still in the room. Right?  They may have traveled miles and miles in their dreams but when they wake up they realize they have not moved an inch. Why? Their dream travel was all illusion...mind stuff. 

Well when we wake up from this "dream" of being a "little me", an ego-self,  who is struggling to find Self we realize we were Self all along and any idea of  struggling to find Self, of being anything else but Self was just an illusion. We are Self and were all along. All the travelling, struggling and seeking was for nothing. We are already the goal we struggled to reach. 

Objectivity is in the way.

Knowing the Self is being the Self, and being  means existence. No one denies one's existence anymore than one denies ones eyes, although one cannot see them. The trouble lies with your desire to objectify the Self, in the same way as you objectify your eyes when you place a mirror in front of them. You have become so accustomed to objectivity that you have lost the knowledge of yourself, simply because the Self cannot be objectified. .(Maharshi, location 587)

All is well.

A Couse in Miracles: Combined volume. ( 2007) Foundation for Inner PEace

Ramana Maharishi (David Godman, Ed) (n.d.) Be As You Are: The Teachings of Ramana Maharshi. Penguin: Kindle Edition

Observing the Heart

 If you want to know your heart, first  and foremost understand that you are not your heart-you are the experiencer of your heart. You are the consciousness that is aware when emotions are taking place. Singer, page 105

Hmmm! Okay so that is very important to realize. Just like we realize we are not the body, mind  or all the mind stuff, we must realize we  are not the heart or all the emotions that go with it. We are the observer and the experiencer of it all. 

This realization becomes especially important when we are in what ACIM refers to as "Special relationships"...when we  say we are in love: 

You're floating in the ocean of love, but you're not the love you feel-you are the experiencer of the love you feel. (Singer, page 105)

As the experiencer, as the observer,  we can step back a bit and look upon what is unfolding in front of us in our love relationships with a certain healthy detachment. We are not all tangled up in it.  It isn't so personal. At the same time, we take accountability and ownership for our love experiences. We know we cannot look at the other person as the cause of our happiness or the lack of . 

The actual flow of love has to do with you  and your heart.  It has nothing to do with anybody else... Singer, page 105

Our "lovers" or special others  don't give us love...love is already inside us and we will experience it only if we keep our hearts open. The other person cannot open our hearts.  Only we can do that. 

That is a hard one for many of us to understand: that we, and we alone, are responsible for the opening and closing of our hearts, for our emotions. We are constantly seeking to fulfill ourselves,to  keep our samskaras down, to  fill in those empty holes of loneliness with someone else who we assume  makes us feel good inside...as if they have the power to do that, We give them the responsibility for our happiness and when they don't come through we erroneously believe we have a healthy right to blame them...to have that positive love feeling turn into its opposite. No one ...absolutely no one "out there" can make us happy...can keep our hearts open so love can continuously pour through.  Love is an inside job!

Undoubtedly, certain people or circumstances can cause your heart to open and close.  But the action of opening and closing is something your heart is doing, not the other person. Singer, page 105.

Our emotions are ours and are constantly flowing within us whether we like it or not.  We don't get our emotions from the outside therefore no one can make us happy, no one can make us sad or angry or afraid.  Our hearts are open when we fall in love and they are closed when we are feeling a lack of love. The opening and closing are our doing.  If our new lover or friend says and does all the right things and stays clear form triggering our samskaras,  we acclaim, how happy they make us and that we are so in love with them , when in actuality we are simply feeling the free flow of love already within us because our heart is open.  As soon as they say or do something that triggers those old knots and impressions stored within us...our heart closes.  We stop feeling that natural flow.  This "shakti"  cannot get up through the samskaras and the closed heart. 

I remember, shortly before my divorce, I was so self righteous claiming to be a victim of an unhealthy marriage.  I could list over 100 things every time I spoke about it, that proved how unloving my ex was and how he was the source of all my unhappiness.  I later realized that the problem was seldom him, no matter how he may have triggered all my old wounds.  The problem was I closed my heart. I blocked the flow of love in me.  

Don't get me wrong, the divorce proved to be a healthy decision for all, but regardless of what he may have done or didn't do, my ex was not the cause of my unhappiness.  I was...I got all tangled up in this "special relationship".  I had expectations and assumptions about how he and the relationship should be to make me comfortable inside. When he met those expectations and was able to soothe my samskaras I was "in love"....when he didn't meet them and my samskaras got triggered...I closed down.  But I paid little attention to my closing down part. All I paid attention to was what he was or wasn't doing to me or for me. I believed  that I was in an unhealthy relationship where I was the victim.  I wasn't dealing with my own emotions but I was blaming him for triggering them

If you want to continue feeling love, you have to deal with the emotions that open and close the heart. page 107

Of course the mind, and all its thinking. steps in when we are feeling this flow of love and when we suddenly aren't.  When the heart is open and we are feeling love, our thoughts too seem so positive.  When the heart is closed and we stop the flow of love,  the mind becomes negative and depressed.  Fear takes over. I was negative and depressed and blaming my ex for that. 

We have to realize then  that we are not the mind, or the thinking either...we are simply experiencers or observers of it. By keeping that distance, that healthy detachment  from what is going on in our minds and hearts, we can simply  observe and experience without judgement. 

The heart, like all our human tendencies, will fluctuate...it will open and close...it will vibrate with enthusiasm...it will simmer down with grief. Just notice! The less personal we take this fluctuation...the less lost we get in it...the more the  heart will stay open and the more love energy will flow through us.

Besides observing, our job here, is to let the samskaras...those impressions that are blocking our hearts release.  The less energy we waste trying to hold them down and blaming others for triggering them, the more energy we will have to love. Without or fear tendency...there is love. 

To believe that special relationships, with special love, can offer you salvation is the belief that separation is salvation...Because of guilt, all special relationships have elements of fear in them. This is why they shift and change so frequently. They are not based on changeless love alone. And love, where fear has entered, cannot be depended on because it is not perfect. 

ACIM: Chapter 15: V: 3:3 & 4: 1-4

All is well

A Couse in Miracles: Combined Volume (2007) Foundation For Inner Peace

Michael A. singer (2022) living untthered,Chapter 22: Why the Heart Opens and Closes. New Harbinger/ Sounds True

The Lost Man

 There were a couple of good stories I heard, read or was reminded of this week related to yoga or more specifically understanding Self. I would like to share one that Ramana Maharshi (I want to , for some reason, spell Maharshi with an "i") shared with many. 

Ten Foolish Men

Ten foolish men had just crossed a rough and dangerous stream of white rapids.  Upon reaching shore they wanted to make sure that all had  reached the other side safely. So one of the men was elected to count to ensure that ten men were now on this side of the stream.  

Drenching wet, he stood tall and began to count starting with the foolish man to his right and moving down the line of men who stood before him. "One...two...three...four...five...six...seven...eight...and nine." After he said nine, he frantically looked up and down and behind the last man he had counted and began to panic, "Oh my goodness, there is only nine!  We lost one!"  

"Are you sure?", asked  the last man counted.  "There doesn't appear to be anyone missing. You must have counted wrong. Let me do a recount."  Without waiting for permission to do so, he turned to his left and began making his way back to the first man who had counted.  "One ...two...three...four...five...six...seven...eight...and nine! Oh my, there is only nine!" 

All the men then began to look at one another  with panic in their eyes.  They struggled to understand who it was exactly they had lost, but for some reason, could not come up with a name.

"Let me count," said another of the men and turning to the right he began to count the men in a circle that brought the count to the man standing closest to his left. "One...two...three...four...five...six...seven..eight...and and nine!" he said with great emotions.  "There is only nine of us left. We did indeed lose one.  Oh. the horror and we cannot even think of his name!"

With that, they all fell to their knees at the river bank and began to cry hysterically. 

 Just then, a kindly and compassionate traveller passed near and heard them wailing.  Wanting to help, he approached them and asked what was wrong.

They shared what had happened and said that even after several counts they could count  no more than nine of the ten men on this side of the shore. They had lost a man! They also expressed how terrible they felt that they could not even remember the poor chap's name and therefore would not be able to relay the news back to the surviving family. They began to wail some more.

Understanding right away, upon looking at all ten men before him, what had happened , the traveller held back a laugh and proceeded to help them see for themselves that all ten were alive and could be counted for. He said, " Okay lets count again starting with you," he pointed to the man on the farthest right who was the first to make the discovery that someone was missing."Each of you count yourselves in order, out loud,one after the other until the tenth man is found."

Rejoicing in the possibility of saving and being reconnected to the man they we missing, they all shouted "Yes! Wonderful"

The traveller lined them all up in a neat little row and told them when to start. The first counter said "one".  The fellow next to him said, "two"...next, "three" until they made it all the way down the line and "Ten!" was heard coming from the last man. 

"We found him! We are ten, again! We are all here!" said the relieved men in unison. Grateful that the traveller had relieved them of their grief, they thanked him profusely before sending him on his way

Morale of the story:

We are seeking and grieving for that which we never lost: our wholeness, our completeness, our "Self." We just assume it is lost because self can't see Self in itself. 

Maharshi says, The only way to get rid of your grief is to know and be the Self.  How can that be unattainable? 

All is well!

Ramana Maharshi ( Edited by David Goldman) Be as You Are. Kindle Edition

In Deep Sleep

 Therefore the state of being is permanent and the body and the world are not.  They are fleeting phenomena passing on the screen of being-consciousness which is eternal and stationary.

Ramana Maharshi, (Location 511)

Huh?  What does that mean, crazy lady? And how can such a presumption be made?

Hmm? Well I guess we can start by saying that the body...this form of muscle, bone  and sinew, water and blood, organs and cells  does not last forever, right? 120 years tops but on average around 80 + years if life circumstance does not intervene.  As much as we hate to think about it,  we know that bodies die. Every minute cells in your body are dying...like right now...through a process called apoptosis, numerous cells are dying off and are being replaced with new cells.  The body you had when you were fifteen is no more...it has been completely replaced by a new body of new cells. Eventually, though  the cells will keep dying, we will stop replacing them and the body, this form we are in, will cease to exist. We know that the bodies of  others have died or will die. Our own bodies will someday succumb to this inevitability and go back into the soil, water and earth from which they came. Therefore we cannot deny that the body is impermanent. Bodies come and bodies go, right?  They have a start date and a discontinue date. They are transitory. 

But the world?

Yes, the world too is constantly being born and dying.  What we see and understand to be so permanent is actually just phenomena passing before us. That phenomena is constantly changing, arising and dissolving, being born and passing away...flickering on and off  like the images on a video screen. One day it is sunny, the next it is raining.  One day it is Autumn, the next day it is winter. One day life circumstances are calm and easy, the next  day they are stormy and chaotic. One day this is happening, the next day that is happening. All are just images on a screen. 

Being-consciousness, the state of being,  is simply the screen on which it all is being played. The state of being is who you are. You are. The body and the world are not because they no longer exist once  the lights go out. 

Huh?

You, who you really are, are not the characters that come and go on the screen....not the bodies that are born or die...and  you are not perturbed by the ever changing world and all its  moving phenomena. You are the screen on which it appears to happen. Like the screen in a movie theatre, once the movie is over and the lights go out, you are still there because you are what is real and impermanent beneath the changing scenery.  You, as consciousness,  are eternal. You are there when the movie is flickering over you and you are there when it isn't.  You are the background for it all to happen. You don't go away

You don't Go Away In Sleep, "me" does.

There are three states of  consciousness right? There is the deep sleep state where we are aware of nothing; the dream state where we are aware of the flickering images of  dreams but not what is going on in the body or outside world as we sleep; and then there is the waking state...where we are aware of body, and the world and are still observing many flickering images.  When we are awake we say we are so aware of 'reality'. When we wake up in the morning after sleeping, we may remember and recall our dream state which seemed so real at the time we were dreaming but in the morning we are so aware of its unreality. 

Can you recall your deep sleep state, though?  No... we say we were"unconscious" or  "not aware" during that phase but how do you know you were unaware?  Who was unaware? The body and ego- mind were unaware...that which we call "me" was unaware...and as long as we identify with that we believe we were unconscious during sleep.  But something other than body and mind was there, aware that you were unaware. You must admit that you are the same being  who falls asleep at night,  as you are  when you wake up. Therefore you must be the same being in deep sleep where there is no so called "awareness".  Right? You...you were still there during deep sleep even though there was no phenomena to observe.  You didn't cease to exist just because there was no awareness of body and phenomena, did you?  

Of course not! Something remains when body and mind are silenced and still. This little me that is so identified with body ceased to exist but not you. Who you are is that consciousness that observes the flickering of dreams in the sleeping state, that observes the flickering of phenomena in the waking state and that which observes the nothingness of deep sleep (where the ideas of who we are cannot go).  You are the awareness, the being consciousness on which it all plays out. So all that flickering stuff  which includes the body and mind  is temporary and transitory. That is not who you are. You are that awareness that is always there...eternal and stationary. 

 There is no body, no little  self  and no world in deep sleep because all of that is just fleeting phenomena...but you , as being-conscious, as pure awareness,  are always there because you are what is real!

All is well.

Ramana Maharishi. Edited by David Godman (n.d.) Be As You Are: The Teachings of Ramana Maharshi. Kindle Edition

Hiding From the Heart?

 The mind becomes a place the soul goes to  hide from the heart?

Michael Singer, living untethered, page 104 (New Harbinger/Sounds True, 2022)

The wise words above are very, very true.

Well what does it mean, crazy lady?

There is a common defense mechanism many of use to deal with difficult emotions, or our fear of having to deal with difficult emotions, and that is intellectualization. Have you heard of it? I was quite fascinated when I learned about  this defense mechanism in one of my many psych classes years ago. I realized right away how I "intellectualized" my way through life; how I lived in my head much more than in my heart because it was easier to think and analyze than it was to "feel".  When I felt the first twinges of "pain" I would automatically go running to my head to hide, spending much of my  time and energy figuring it out. I would go over the cause of  the pain or potential pain disturbance,  how it came to be, who or what was to blame, how I could "fix" whatever caused it, how I could prevent it from happening again.  I could spend hours, days, even years doing that instead of just feeling what was there! I did not want to experience the pain. It was easier to think than it was to feel. I was hiding in my head so I didn't have to be in my heart.

Do you hide in your head? 

I nChapter 21 of his book, Singer speaks to this tendency of ours. He explains that the spiritual heart stores our samskaras.

....emotions are generated by the heart. Not just nice emotions-all emotions. If someone does something that hurts you or makes you feel jealous-you feel that pain and turmoil in your heart. Singer, page 104

Unlike thoughts emotions do not talk to us through words or images (the words and images only come after we automatically  pull the emotion into our minds for analysis) and emotions don't come and go..  Emotions are more like non-verbal energetic vibrations that are always there, flowing through the heart. We just don't notice them until they change. As that energy shifts, they may flow up and over us in a second like a wave.  Sometimes that wave may be refreshing and other times it may feel like a tsunami. These changes seem unpredictable and for that reason frightening. Thinking is much less threatening and that is why we often hide out in the head. 

If, however, we could keep our hearts open and stay there rather than in the mind...this emotional energy could wash our samskaras up and out; it  can cleanse and refresh our insides. We just have to be willing to resist the urge to run away from our emotions, to stop judging them as good or bad, right or wrong, should be or shouldn't be so we are not constantly reaching for the pleasant ones and pushing away ( which means pushing down) the unpleasant ones; so we are allowing all the waves to come and go. 

How do we do that, crazy lady?

Well Michael Singer and Maharshi and the Buddha and so many others simply tell us to fall back into the Seat of Self, into that shunyata ( empty spacious awareness) and observe this emotional energy within us from there, just as we observe our thinking.  It isn't who we are...it is just energetic phenomena that we have this wonderful opportunity to witness and experience. We don't have to get all tangled up in it but if we are...we untie those knots from the top layer down and we let it all flow through the heart. 

Hmm! 

All is well!

Already That

Stillness and peace is realization. There is no moment when Self is not...When the not-Self ["little me"] disappears, the Self alone remains. To make room, it is enough that objects be removed. Room is not brought in from elsewhere. 

Reading some beautiful words of wisdom from Maharshi this morning on Tat Tvam Asi....

There is no reaching the Self.  If Self were to be reached, it would mean that the Self is not here and now and that it is yet to be obtained. So it will be impermanent.  What is not permanent is not worth striving for. So I say the Self is not reached.  You are the Self, you are already that. 

That really leads to  some "aha" moments, doesn't it?  This understanding of Tat Tvam Asi; "You are already that!" is so essential to yoga understanding. Michael A. Singer speaks to these teachings in his book, living untethered. Singer teaches that the objects that need to be removed are samskaras and Maharishi teaches that what must be removed is  our ignorance as to who we really are, our wrong knowledge or "wrong view"[as the Buddha would have referred to it].  The point is we don't bring more space in from the outside world so we can  have room to do this...we remove what is in the way for the room that is already there to be known. We don't bring in peace and happiness and stillness from out there so we can experience it in here...we remove what is in the way of what was, is and always will be there. These teachings are universal. 

The fact is you are ignorant of your blissful state. Ignorance supervenes and draws a veil over the pure Self which is bliss. Attempts are made only to remove this veil of ignorance which is merely wrong knowledge.  The wrong knowledge is the false identification of the Self with the body and the mind. This false identification must go, and then the Self alone remains. 

Ramana Maharshi, from  Be As You Are( Arkana, S.  Kindle Edition)

So much wisdom to grow with.

All is well!

More on Knots

 I was reminded of this that I wrote a few years ago. I tweaked it a bit as I tend to do when I read poems again after years of not reading them! Good or bad...? All relative right? No need to judge. 

Knots!  Knots!  Knots!

Twining, spiraling,
the strong unfrayable strands
coil around each other,
forming a ball of knotted flesh
at the center of our being.

Like a string of  determined weeds
emerging  in unruly fashion
from the same root system,
miniature versions
of tangled memory,
terror, desperation and regret
 sprout up between
the fibers of unassuming  muscle.

Wrapping their misbehaving limbs,
like deranged  tentacles,
around the sinewy chords
of  shoulders, back and neck,
 they  laugh eerily
with each movement
in reminder
of what was and
of what may never be.

They spread out
into the  throat,
distorting voices,
making it challenging
to cry out "stop'
as they settle in jaws
clenched tight with resistance.
Like the hinges on Pandora's box,
these tired rusty joints 
hold the lid closed
in fear the noisy demons
held within
will be released
and never contained again.

Knots! Knots! Knots!

The past leaves
its lingering impressions
in these fragile vessels
of body and mind
in the form of
multiplying knots.
Knots that constrain and restrict,
knots that add confusion to
what is already confused,
knots that nag and pull at us
like persistent toddlers
who demand our attention,
knots that we skip over,
knots that we stuff away,
and knots that we push down
as we reach upward and outward
away from their menacing presence
to something, anything  
that will bring numbing relief.

Oh,  but  no matter how
intoxicated we get
on the world's  many
elixirs  and distractions,
we cannot seem
to  run far enough away 
from  these knots.
Nor can we ignore the way
they painfully  damn up the vessels
Life is meant to flow so
fluidly and gracefully through.
We can not deny  how they
make us choke and cough up
the beauty and joy
that is offered us
before it ever reaches
its intended destination-  

Knots!  Knots!  Knots!

"Knots," the sages whisper
when we cry out in agony,
"can be untied."
"Just listen for the bell within you,"
they instruct with
their kindly examples.
" And stop...just stop when you
hear its sweet reminder;
stop the busy thinking,
moving and the doing.
Take a breath in,
draw that precious
healing prana
through you,
to the center of who you are.
Let it illuminate
each twisted tentacle
that clings to your idea
of  "me" and "them".

View each knot 
in the light of clear vision,
Observe how  the
distorted lengths  of story
and the  limbs of
judgment and assumption
have braided their way  
through your body and mind,
forming gnarled
and garbled obstacles
between you and this moment.

Regardless of how
your hand trembles,
resist your urge
to push away,

or to hold down.
Resist the need for
knowing and labelling, 
and instead
reach out to touch each knot,
just touch it gently.
Hold it in your hands,
feel its sinewy texture
with your entire being
as you  allow it to be
exactly what it is.
Just allow it, accept it.
Notice how it softens
in you as you
look upon it.
Feel the fibers

release
enough for you
to decipher the truth
each filament within
the tangled mess holds...

one knot at a time.
Listen for its sweet voice
to become clear,
remember its forgotten innocence,
 and embrace every
coiled thread of Dukkha
you discover there,
with a heart wide open.

Then breathe out...
Allow the breath
to fall and relax.  
Observe as it flows
like cool, refreshing  water
up, over and through each knot
that continues to 
untwine  and loosen,
its blurry contents

pushed up and out

by the fluid presence.
Feel your mind soften
into emptiness,
your body ease into release
and allow
the fingers of judgment
to slip off your being
freeing you
from the twisted hold
your impressions 
have  had on you.
Feel the letting go
of each knot
and the opening
of your heart
as you untangle,
unwind
and wake up
to a healed mind. "

We may shake
our resistant heads
at this sagely advice
and turn our back
on this ancient wisdom.
We may continue
to give into
the knotted restriction,
contraction
and retraction
 of our existence
in the comfort zone.

Or 

...maybe,
just maybe
we will  choose to
practice as instructed.
Maybe we will  stop;
maybe we will breathe;
maybe we will
notice and embrace
that which we have
 tried to push away

and down

 for much too long.

Knots!  Knots!  Knots!
 
These knots hold
healing  secrets
within them
but the choice
is ours to make.
We get to choose  
whether or not
we remain ensnared 
in the twisted
net of suffering
or if we are released
by each and every knot
we bravely behold

and surrender.

Dale-Lyn April, 2020

Knots

  

We are sinking and drowning so that to this very day we don't know how our bodies and minds are in knots or how to go about untying them.

Ananda , from the Shurangama Sutra 

I have tears in my eyes this morning as I sit here. I don't understand it but I am certainly allowing it.  It is a release of some of  that pent up energy within me...some deep, stuffed  samskaras are making their way up and I know it is healing.  My knots are untangling and that which they have been constricting between their tight threads is loosening and becoming free. One knot at a time. I just had to stop pulling on either end of the scarf of Self in my frustration to be free. I needed to stop believing that I needed to know each knot by name and how it got there before this mess inside could be untangled. Maybe we do not need to label, analyze, and understand the details of our tangled knots...we just need to be willing, open and appreciative of their releasing. 

Instead of dwelling on each specific thing we have stored in order for it to be released, we just need to allow the top layer to loosen and the rest will untangle. 

The knots and their release have a common cause.....The knots must be untied successively. When the six are released [the Buddha had tied six knots to a scarf to show Ananda], even the one ceases to be.

The Buddha, Shurangama Sutra

We instead often make the tangles worse by pulling and tugging on the scarf. We create "problems" where there is no problems. 

As Buddha said,

With your own mind, you grasp at your own mind. What is illusory turns into illusion.  If you don't grasp, there is no non-illusion. 

We need to stop working so hard to figure it all out and instead just open our hearts and allow it all to untangle. ..

All is well

The Shurangama Sutra from https://langnghiem.com/en/shurangama-5/

A Billion Unpreferred Things

 There are billions of things that can happen in life that don't match your preferences, and there only a few that do. Under these conditions, the probability that life is going to be a negative experience is extremely high. This is not because life is negative. It is because the only thing that isn't negative to you is that which exactly matches your preferences. 

Michael A. Singer, living untethered, page 96 ( New Harbinger/Sounds True, 2022)

What Yoga Is and Isn't

 

If you can control the rising of the mind into ripples, you will experience yoga.

Patanjali

Yoga isn't a religion. It isn't a spiritual movement. It isn't some type of woo-woo new age trendy "thing". It isn't just a fancy exercise trend either.   Yoga is an ancient science. Like psychiatry and psychology, but far older and beyond these schools, it is a science of the mind. It has been practiced and tested for centuries. Its hypothesis' have been  proven again and again in the inner world of those who practice diligently.  It is an inner validation of its theories that one receives through its clinical and non clinical trials, though there is some empirical external evidence to be observed. It is one of those experiments one has to try for themselves in order to exclaim"By Golly, I got it!" Yet when you do get it...it is so hard to explain and prove what you have gotten..  The results one obtains from yoga are challenging to document in any way that would get published in a scientific journal.  What one realizes goes beyond the scientific jargon, any jargon really. It goes beyond concepts and ideas. It is much, much deeper than that. Hmm! 

Of course, I am not talking about what one gets from Hatha Yoga...one small component of yoga that we have taken out of context. The hatha yoga the west knows now has only been practiced for a  little more than a century where as yoga, true yoga,  is actually assumed to be  over 5,000 years old.  Hatha's origins, as documented in the Hatha Yoga Pradipika, were  actually just a few  seated postures and breath exercises developed to help true yogis  test, practice and perfect  their internal experiments longer. There was no such thing as "Downward Dog" or  "Pidgeon Pose" until some Indian gymnasts began tweaking the poses in the late 1800's  to show off their athletic prowess and then it became a "thing"...a good thing mind you... but not the be all and end all of yoga. 

There are eight limbs to yoga...Raja yoga....and they are as follows: Yama(abstinence from unwholesome mental traits and behaviours) , Niyama ( observance, devoted practice), Asana (Posture/where Hatha Yoga originates), pranayama( breath control-also a component of Hatha Yoga), Pratyahara(withdrawls from sense, inner reflection), Dharana ( concentration and focus/"mindfulness"), Dhyana( meditation) and Samadhi( contemplation, absorption, higher consciousness realization).

Doesn't that sound a lot like the foundation of many religious practices?  But yoga isn't a religion.  Its bare bones ( not under the label:yoga) can be seen in many religious and spiritual practices (as well as in many personal/social development and health improvement movements) but it is not a religion. It is a tool we can use to better ourselves , society and the entire world. It doesn't depend on ritual or dogma, fancy fitness equipment or gadgets, social or political activism . What it depends on is simply  the participation of  each individual to study, observe and experiment with their own  mind.  It is really quite a fascinating science. 

Hmm! Felt compelled to share that.

All is well. 

Satchidananda[ Translator and Commentator ]( 2012) The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Integral Yoga Publications

Loving Kindness Meditation Part Three

Let  our hearts be stretched out in compassion for others, for everyone is walking his or her own difficult path.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Wise teachings from Thich Nhat Hanh:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ogiYBmS2zE

When we practice kindness and compassion, we are the first ones to profit.

Rumi

All is well!

Dreams and the Brilliant Mind

 The dream is like a hidden door in the innermost and most secret recesses of the soul, opening into the cosmic night which was  psyche long before there was any ego-consciousness, and which will remain psyche no matter how far our ego-consciousness extends. Dreams are the facts from which we must proceed. 

Carl Jung

Speaking of dreams, I slept in again dreaming about work related situations lol.  I need to get back on track.  Tomorrow my so called work week (part time)  begins again after the holidays and I will awaken for that.  I was hoping to establish an earlier beginning to my day with meditation and writing.  Maybe awaken at 5 or 530. I want to prioritize those moments I spend in stillness and quiet....and those moments I spend studying, listening to, writing about what is really important. I do want to "serve" in any way I can and this little job helps me to do that in some way...I would like to find a way to incorporate or maximize that service to those who really need whatever I, as this form and mind, has to offer while this idea of "me" gets smaller and smaller. It is such a challenge...to let "me" diminish though.  It is still clinging and too often in the way of the service I want to provide. Anyway, it all starts with awareness and mindfulness.  I can do that lol. 

Anyway...back to what is really important.

Dreams!!!

How much attention do you pay to your dreams?

I have always been fascinated with dreams.  I am a bit of a Jungian and interested in exploring the shadow selves that emerge in our dream states.  I try to record my dreams and to decipher the symbology within them. I have also learned over the years to lucid dream and for the most part can interject "some" control in my dream state if not complete control. Instead of running from the fear, I have learned to turn and face that which is scary knowing that there is some learning in those eerie shadows.  I call whatever is lurking in the dark corners to step into  my awareness.  Seldom do those shadows emerge... though I do feel more powerful for being willing to face them.  What often happens is some less threatening and  bizzare creatures emerge  and unusual events transpire instead. Weird!! Some healing, however,  takes place in those dreams that I have yet to understand.

I understand now that there are samskaras buried within us all that are too traumatic for the mind to bring , as of yet, to our conscious awareness.  So dreams are wreaked in symbolism that doesn't make complete sense to our limited minds.  Through all that symbolism, our minds are gently healing our wounds in our dream states. Through those symbols and strange events,  we are slowly and gently releasing what needs to be released. Even if it doesn't make sense. 

Wow!

Your mind is doing you a favor.  Your brilliant mind did that in an attempt to stay healthy and release at least some of the pent-up energy. That is what the symbology of dreams is about.  It's truly amazing how brilliant your mind is when left to its own resourcefulness.  Just as your body is always trying to heal itself, so your mind is always trying to release impurities that are stuck in there. 

Michael A. Singer, living untethered, page 93 (New Harbinger/Sounds True, 2022)

Recognizing the Insignificance of Automatic Thoughts

 If you pay attention, you will see that the mind creates most thoughts on its own. They go on all the time....Just as your body is always trying to expel impurities, so your mind is trying to get these mental impurities out. That is what is happening when your mind creates its own thoughts. ...They[samskaras] will continuously try to release pent-up energy, and they will end up determining the thoughts your mind creates on its own. This is the nature of all your automatic thoughts.....

Michael A. Singer, living untethered, page 88-89 ( New Harbinger/Sounds True)

Willful and Automatic Thoughts

We do have a certain amount of power over what type of thinking we do and what type of thoughts we listen to inside our heads.  Unfortunately though, most of our thinking  results from  automatic reflexes of  a mind busy attempting to squish down the painful and unwanted impressions we stored so they do not come up.  That stored energy, however, is determined to come up.  And it comes up in wisps and puffs through  automatic thoughts and dreams,  trying to make itself known. These thoughts and images  all seem so real and important! 

We spend so much time listening to and believing these thoughts, making our choices based upon them that we forget that we have another choice.  We can willfully think. Instead of getting lost in automatic thinking, we can interject positive, life affirming thoughts into our consciousness.  First, we must see  and understand the nature of the automatic thinking reflex in our minds; see where it comes from even if we cannot trace each thought to its specific root. We must recognize their harmful nature and understand that we do not have to believe them.  They are not reality.  We, as the wise observer who witnesses,  can interject more positive and wholesome thoughts in there. 

They are not to be seen as some important truth or great insight into what is really going on. They are simply your mind attempting to cleanse the patterns you have stored in there. 

Michael A. Singer, page 89

Hmm!  Now that is something to think about!

All is well! 

Loving Kindness Meditation for Special Other

 The first element of true love is loving kindness. The essence of loving kindness is being able to offer happiness. You can be the sunshine for another person. You can't offer happiness until you have it for yourself. So build a home inside by accepting yourself and learning to love and heal yourself. Learn how to practice mindfulness in such a way that you can create moments of happiness and joy for your own nourishment. Then you have something to offer the other person. 

Thich Nhat Hanh

Note: You can use a pet or animal as a focus for your practice.

Practice begins 5:26 mins in

From the wonderful teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ogiYBmS2zE

Devoted

 The foundational choice in Life is either constantly control life to compensate for our blockages or devote our lives to getting rid of our blockages.

Michael A. Singer, living untethered, page 83 ( New Harbinger/ Sounds True, 2022)

Are you finally, at this point in your life, devoted to getting rid of your blockages?  I hope so. I am.  I am not 100 % sure how to release all those smaskaras within me but I am willing to put the time, effort and energy into it. I have finally learned  that doing it the other way doesn't work! 

A wise person knows that the world is not going to unfold the way they want it to because it's not supposed to. 

Michael Singer, page 84

I finally see that any sense of suffering I may experience really doesn't come from "out there" .  It comes from my expectations and assumptions about how the world should be for "little me"'s benefit. Little me and all its stuffed stuff is really the only thing in the way of any healing I and the world can do. Hmm!. 

Suffering is caused by the contrast between what you mentally decided you wanted and  the reality of what is unfolding in front of you.

Singer, page 86 

You really need to read this book!

All is well. 

Change Required

 There is a much higher way to live life. But it requires that you change  how you interact with your mind and with the life unfolding before you.

Michael Singer

Put away your preferences for how you assume life should be to serve you, and instead put your energy towards allowing, appreciating and serving whatever unfolds in front of you.

All is well!

Loving Kindness Meditation For Self

 May I be peaceful, loving and light...

Thich Nhat Hanh

The following is a very imperfect explanation and guided meditation for directing loving kindness towards the self.  It comes from a teacher I hold near and dear to my heart and whom I have never met in person: Thich Nhat Hanh.. I will enclose the link for his video below. Namaste!

Actual meditation practice starts 12:48in. These mantras and teachings come from :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ogiYBmS2zE

Devoted

 The fundamental choice we have in life is either constantly control life to compensate for our blockages or devote our lives to getting rid of our blockages.

Michael A. Singer, living untethered, page 83 (New Harbinger/Sounds True, 2022)

Are you constantly controlling or getting to the point where you are ready to devote your life to releasing and letting go? I am ready to let go! Only because I see the other way just doesn't work.  No matter how much we try to control and fix what is out there so it doesn't make us feel uncomfortable in here...we really can't control Life can we? 

We need to release our blocked energies and we must be utterly devoted to that mission.

All is well.

Breath Awareness and the Mala

 

The Impersonal Mind

 ..your mind has a layer beyond the layers of the personal mind.  It has been called the impersonal mind, the abstract mind, or even the purely intellectual mind.  This layer of mind is not distracted by the inner commotion caused by your samskaras.  It is free to soar unhindered into pure brilliance and creativity of a higher expression of mind.

Michael Singer, page 79

We do not have to stay stuck in the personal mind and all its petty woes.  We can extend our awareness beyond the personal...to the impersonal, or Abstract Mind, as Michael Singer refers to it in Chapter 16  of  living untethered. With this abstract or impersonal mind we can create beautiful works of art or solve the most challenging intellectual problems plaguing our earth.  We can do this...as long as the "me" stays out of the way.

But the "me" is the most important thing  to many of us. Preserving it seems to be our major goal and what we tend to use the mind for.

The mind is great; it's just not supposed to be used for storing all your personal preferences and then thinking the whole world is supposed to match what you stored. Singer, page 80

It is our personal preferences that get in the way of the unlimited potential of our minds.  The mind can do great things but too often, these preferences and this idea that "life should be here for me",  gets in the way.  If things on the outside are pleasant and something we, as 'little me' ,  prefer: " Life is great!"...if they are less than pleasant or what we don't want...then:  "Life is difficult!" 

We make our lives about pulling in and clinging to  what is soothing and pleasant to us, as individual self, and resist or push away that which is not pleasant or triggering to our samskaras. That is what we use these minds for. We personalize something so amazing and so universal, that has  so much potential to do so much good for the world, just so we, as individual "me"s,   feel good inside. 

Instead of being in awe that the moment in front of you even exists, you fight with it to match what you want. page 82

What a waste of our time and energy it is to preserve personal over impersonal and /abstract.  What a waste of our minds. Wouldn't you rather be in awe? 

All is well.

Michael A. Singer ( 2022) living untethered. New Harbinger/Sounds True

A New Year's Wish

 Sat-Chit-Ananda is said to indicate that the supreme is not asat[different from being], not achit[different from consciousness] and not anananda [different from happiness]..., 

My wish for you in 2023 is Sat-Chit-Anananda, which simply translates into  being-consciousness- bliss. 

Perfect bliss is Brahman. Perfect peace is of the Self. That alone exists and is consciousness.  That which is called happiness is only the nature of Self; Self is not other than perfect happiness. That which is called happiness alone exists....

Knowing that fact and abiding in the state of Self,enjoy Bliss eternally. 

Sri Ramana Maharshi, Be As You Are (Arkana, S.)

May you learn, in 2023, to live fully, mindfully and blissfully in the moment! 

All is well 

 

A bit frustrated this morning with technology.  Let me rephrase that:  I am frustrated with my inability to work with and control technology. I  have been having issues with this site for a long time.  I am so grateful for the means it has given me, for free, to express and share that which is really important.  It has been a Godsend.  Yet I have so little control of who I reach and how I reach them. I am not sure how many are reading this.  It seems that few are getting through.  The stats page on site never matches the stats page on Google analytics. (Today the Stats page registered 148, and the Google site registered five) ? People cannot seem to follow me which is okay I do not need others to "subscribe" but if they wanted to, different streams are needed. I am not here to make money but I am here to reach people if they are ready and needing to be reached. Technology does not make that easy. lol 

I also have a  Facebook page for my yoga which I screwed up on royally yet I cannot delete it.  It is connected somehow to my personal web page.... that,  I never wanted. I am never on Facebook any more as I try to avoid social media. I am not sure how to delete it all and start over! I mean...I cannot even delte a picture or change my profile to blank. It is frustrating.

My only purpose was to share what might be useful to someone somewhere...not have all these pages. Hmm! I , whoever I am in this form, will figure it out if I am meant to.  If not...I will just have to  let Life be Life. Whatever unfolds unfolds. Sigh!

All is well