In School
I used to go to a bright school
Where Youth and Frolic taught in turn;
But idle scholar that I was,
I liked to play, I would not learn;
So the Great Teacher did ordain
That I should try the School of Pain.
One of the infant class I am
With little, easy lessons, set
In a great book; the higher class
Have harder ones than I, and yet
I find mine hard, and can't restrain
My tears while studying thus with Pain.
There are two Teachers in the school,
One has a gentle voice and low,
And smiles upon her scholars, as
She softly passes to and fro.
Her name is Love; 'tis very plain
She shuns the sharper teacher, Pain.
Or so I sometimes think; and then,
At other times, they meet and kiss,
And look so strangely like, that I
Am puzzled to tell how it is,
Or whence the change which makes it vain
To guess if it be--Love or Pain.
They tell me if I study well,
And learn my lessons, I shall be
Moved upward to that higher class
Where dear Love teaches constantly;
And I work hard, in hopes to gain
Reward, and get away from Pain.
Yet Pain is sometimes kind, and helps
Me on when I am very dull;
I thank him often in my heart;
But Love is far more beautiful;
Under her tender, gentle reign
I must learn faster than of Pain.
So I will do my very best,
Nor chide the clock, nor call it slow;
That when the Teacher calls me up
To see if I am fit to go,
I may to Love's high class attain,
And bid a sweet good-by to Pain.
― What Katy Did
Learning From Pain
I have had an intense immune response to the vaccine as some people have. I am okay with that. I would get vaccinated all over again if I had to...knowing that the development of antibodies in my little form will lead to a herd immunity that will help so many others. My reaction( which included fever, chills, aches, extreme fatigue, inability to eat and a very swollen and painful arm pit) , it seems, according to what I read, falls into the 0.3 % of the population who have had the type of vaccine I had. 0.3%
My family laughs..."Of course...if it is going to happen to anyone...it is going to happen to you."
Now that is what I want to discuss today...not my response to a vaccine that can save lives...but the fact that I and the people who know me view me as an "unlucky soul". Being in this 0.3 %, validates that I am also often in the 0.3 % for "a lot of crazy and 'unfair' things happening around me or to me ( again ...whoever 'me' is), more so than maybe a lot of others. (I stress that it just appears that way!)
Lesson Not Luck
Not for a moment do I believe "luck" has anything to do with my life circumstances. I deny the voices of collective unconsciousness that comes from my celtic ancestors and say that no amount of horsehoes hung in my doorway will change this. What I am experiencing as "unlucky", if those perceptions are correct, come from more than just random forces at play.
I look at my version of life now...as a perfectly planned karmic expression.
Say what, crazy lady?
Life, A Karmic School
A discussion on karma and reincarnation, as tabboo and blasphemous as it may seem to many of us raised in the West , is required to explain my thoughts here. Yeah, I have studied and continue to study these things in detail. The more I do...the more they make sense to both my spiritual mind and my practical mind. I just finished reading, Many Masters, Many Lives by Dr. Brian Weiss.
So let's look at what seems to be an unfair allottment of heavy life circumstances onto my plate.
I am presently dealing with many heavy life circumstances in my own personal life while picking up and absorbing the suffering of others. There is a lot to deal with. For so long...I cried out, "It is just too much!" only to have more of the same dumped on me.
So Much but not Too Much
There is a lot. That is my truth. I have, however, recently been able to change the recurrent thought, "There is just too much" to "There is so much"...which makes it so much easier to deal with the complicated and multiple issues I am asked to cope with day in and day out. So I admit to having "so much" to deal with , sometimes to the point I am frustrated and overwhelmned by it...but at the same time I know it isn't "too much". I have been equipped with everything I need to deal with it. ...and this reframing reminds me of that.
Now, I honestly believe we are never given more than we can handle and that everything we are given has some learning value in it. We are given what we need to handle in order to learn what we are here to learn and move on. There are things in this life...that I didn't learn well...so the lessons get repeated . These remedial lessons may show up in a multitude of new challenges, sometimes all at once. Yeah...it can feel overwhelming ...like we have just been given way too much homework from a cranky teacher. I believe, however, if we do not do our best to accept the spiritual homework and get it done, to trust the wise and good intention of the teacher (Life) we are going to end up in summer school. We will always seem to be in school and not enjoying this life we have been given. Avoiding the learning, then, is not the answer.
Repeating
Besides.... If we do not graduate in this life time...we will be starting where we left off in the next. Yeah...I believe we come back again and again in different forms and different circumstances until we master what Life is meant to express through our learning. Crazy, huh? Can you hear the music from the Twilight Zone playing in the background?
The cool thing about this is...as tough and unfair as it may seem , we really have no one to blame but ourselves. We helped to develop the curriculum. We helped to decide what was needed to be learned in each Life time and what learning design we would use. I believe that too ( the music getting louder?).
I know that is a lot to swallow and I am really not asking you to. For most of my life I thought the idea of karma and reincarnation...all the teachings and teachers that came from the East were from "Bizarreville" . No way was my mind going there. Now, that I am open to everythng I see the wisdom in those teachings...that doesn't mean you have to.
My point of all this was that I am okay with being in the 0.3 % of the human population in terms of how "luck" is distributed. I am okay with my circumstances as intense, varied and many as there may seem to be at one time. I am okay with being in the infant class in the school of pain as the poet above describes. I sit myself down and say, "Okay what am I learn from this?" I even say "thank you" to the teacher I am learning to trust has my best interest at heart even when she keeps sending me to the Principle's office with a request that I repeat a lesson, a course or a year. Hmmm!
All is well.
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