Praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow come and go like the wind. To be happy, rest like a giant tree in the midst of them all.
The Buddha
Looking at Life
Hmm! I have been fascinated by a couple of things lately: The beautiful big old trees in my yard that sit so undisturbed in the midst of all the things I seem to have going on in my version of Life...bending when the wind blows a certain way, resting without complaint when the skies open on them; embracing the sun and the music of wildlife on their branches...throughout it all...just so undisturbed. Attached to none of it ...yet dependent on all of it. hmmm!
Looking at Death
I am also fascinated with death. And not in the morbid sense. I am seeking the beautiful and amazing learning that can only come when we accept how significant death is and at the same time understand how insignificant.
We tend to think of death in Western society with an attitude of very intense "blame, loss and sorrow". It is one of those many "things" we are conditioned to shut out of our conscious experience because the mere thought of it is so painful.
The Western View of Death
The culture of collective fear supports this pushing away of the reality of death . When someone dies in North America, the tendency is to immediately cover the body up and hide it away as soon as possible. The "living" are allowed to peak at it only after it is made to resemble a living being as much as that is possible. Three days of peaking and confronting death is offered to a select few before the body is hidden away for good. Intense unrelenting grief is then expected of those left behind.
Because of the way we approach death...as something so taboo, its reality is pushed away from conscious everyday attention as much as possible. It remains a dark and fearful secret until its inevitability makes itself known to us through the pending or actual loss of someone we love. In that unexplored, untalked about experience of feared grief we will find so much unexplored questions leading to confusion: "What really happened? Where is the person going? What will happen to this version of "me" when my time comes? " These are things we fail to address in everyday Life because of the fear death generates within us . We have resisted so long that facing death when it happens is so very hard for us to. We are carried from the natural experience of loss and sorrow to complete and utter suffering becasue of our resistance to what is.
The Indian View of Death
In India there is a place called Varanasi where many Hindus seek to go to die. As soon as they percieve their time is coming they do what they can to get there. The poor who are dying don thier loin clothes or flimsy Saris and travel around the streets with their alms bowls collecting enough money so they can survive until their time comes, saving, first of all, what they will need to buy wood for their funeral pyres. They do not shun death...they embrace it. Though to us visiting Westerns, so afraid of death and suffering, they may seem to be pitiful creatures...in reality ...to those who see beyond fear...they are the most beautiful and light filled human beings imaginable.
Why? Because they understand death and by understanding death they understand Life. They look at Life in all its reality...acepting and allowing the blame, loss and sorrow into their conscious experience, just as readily as they accept the praise, the gain, the pleasure. They are not clinging to Life...nor are they pushing death away ( as we are conditioned to do) . They embrace it all. Yet, they are attached to none of it.
Death is so different in India than it is here. It is openly displayed, not just amogst the dying who are begging in Varanasi, but in all the funeral pyres which are constantly burning in public. Death is exposed openly and honestly...therefore it is less feared. (Of course, the belief in reincarnation has a lot to do with reducing the fear of death as well).
Okay crazy lady...what has that got to do with the trees in your yard?
When I watch my trees (I know they are not mine btw) standing so gracefully in the middle of all the comings and goings of the world , I think of this nonattachment to Life. I mean I see the appreciation for it and the absolute joy of being a part of it ...but like the dying in Varanasi, these trees are not denying reality...they just accept and allow both the sunshine and the rain, the breeze and the storm winds, the living and the dying that is taking place around them. It just is. All parts of an amazing experience. They understand death and therefore they undersatnd Life.
And I am reminded that we do not have to wait until the last breath to die. "Death," according to Ram Dass, "is just a process of leaving what we thought we were." We may leave our bodies, our psychological me-ness, the people and things of this world that we think are "ours" but we can never leave what we actually are. We are none of these things.
We can also leave our attachment to things behind...including our judgements, expectations and need to know what Life will give us tomorrow. We can leave behind our fear and our resistance to what is. We can leave behind our overidentification with concepts, stories, beliefs and opinions which are nothing more than mind stuff that keeps us trapped (the trees in my yard do not operate with this mind stuff). We are not these things we cling to. We can simply appreciate.
Learning to accept death , with a willingness to let go of our earthly forms and psychological identies when the time comes, will help us to accept and appreciate the amazing mystery of Life. And we do not have to wait until we are about to take our last breath to do it. We can do it now.
Only the nonattached mind can appreciate what is. Ram Dass
Hmmm! How I ramble, eh?
All is well.
Deepak Chopra (2006) Life After Death: The Burden of Proof. New York: Three Rivers Press
Ram Dass/Spiritual Nomas ( July, 2021) Life, Death and the Cycle of Awakening. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQ__qlDf6WI
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