Waking Up in a Busy World: Learning to Sit With What Is

Follow the flow of Life instead of following the noise inside the head.

Michael Singer

It isn't Easy!

As I mentioned yesterday in my very imperfect little video...learning to sit with what is...is the solution to ending suffering and living in peace. Though it may be a simple concept, "Do nothing! Just sit! Just be!" ...it doesn't mean that mastery of this will be "easy" for any of us. It took years and decades and a collective mind conditioning that goes back centuries before that to get where we are now in our pathological and habitual way of dealing with Life. De-conditioning takes time and practice.

Break it down into small steps

For the mind that is still wrapped in the question, "What can I do?" we may need to use the concept of doing to explain the process of "Do Nothing!"

Since "sitting with what is" is a complex learning that can be broken down into smaller steps or increments...we do not start the practice by dealing with the most complex steps. For example, for those individuals I spoke of yesterday who have very tormented minds ...we don't expect them to sit with all that pain and complicated, destructive and potentionally dangerous thinking all at once. That could prove to be counterintuitive to their recovery and instead of fostering a sense of mastery, it could foster a sense of helplessness and defeat. We start small.

We begin by getting support and guidance. When dealing with mental illness or addiction ...we need support from professionals and others who are trained and qualified to truly understand the conditions. Of course, I want to stress that we are all mentally ill, whether we are diagnosed with some label in the DSM V or not, when we are caught up in these old accepted and "normal" mind patterns of pushing away pain and seeking to cling to what is pleasurable. Just because a pattern of thinking, feeling, behaving is normal, does not mean it is healthy. We got that, right? Luckily there are treatment modalities out there, that incorpoarate this "sitting with what is" into there methodolgy. (I am thinking of something called DBT)

Then we start with small things. Michael Singer reccommends for example that we begin with those Life events that have less of an impact on us...like the weather. So let's do a step by step practice with the weather.

Using the Weather as an example on how to sit with what is

Situation: You have plans to do something outside that is somewhat dependent on sunny weather but wake up to rain.

The Normal Reaction

Before committing to this practice of "sitting with"....your reaction might have gone something like this: You look out and see the rain and feel a tightening in your gut, the hands go to your face as you cringe and say, "Oh no! This can't be! The day is ruined! Why is this always happening to me?" You begin to remember all the times things like this have happened to disappoint you and you collect evidence for your victim status. (Your mind may even take you all the way back to the original trauma...say, for example, the rainy day your father left you after promising to take you on a picnic.) You feel your energy going down, down...you feel yourself getting heavier. The world looks especially dark. You may then snap at your partner, growl at your dog while the tightness gets worse inside and the " This is bad, wrong and shouldn't be!" become louder inside your head. You are caught up in a conditioned way of reacting to Life...sadly, a very normal way of reacting to Life. The rain touched some deep dark samskara inside you...a repressed memory, or feeling that was not released years ago. You made a judgement that this rain was a bad thing; you determined that Life was wrong for giving you rain on this day and decided that this rain should not be. That is what normally happens in a mind that is actively seeking pleasure and pushing away pain.

Normal is not healthy. What you have done here is resist what Life was giving you and therefore you were resisting Life, closing down phsyically ( the tightness in belly, the hands over your face), making judgements "bad, wrong, shouldn't be" and getting lost in expectations about how Life should be. Your old repressed stuff got touched and you reacted with even more resistance and closing down. You ended up feeling miserable as did the beings around you. You are suffering!

Hmm! So let's change this! Let's commit to "sitting with what is".

The first thing to do, if we dare use that word "do", is practice meditation, mindfulness when there is nothing to react to. Of course, for someone with certain conditions there may always be something to react to . So if you cannot sit and be still...do something physical...a walk, run, yoga or whatever to move the body and move the energy on a regular basis followed by a short, maybe five minute stillness practice, working your way up to 20 minutes. Commit to this at least once a day.
Then use Life as your practce. Starting with small things like the weather.
So, using this situation with the weather, the first thing we need to "do" ( again using that word cautiously) is notice and observe how we are reacting. Notice what is happening in your body. Notice how you are feeling. Notice what thoughts are going on in your head. And notice how you are behaving. Notice! This noticing may start out in a retrospective way...we may have a full blown reaction with all the consequences and only after we are spent...we may notice how we reacted. That's okay. Just notice. Gradually the noticing will come sooner...maybe near the end of the reaction, with more practice...in the middle of the reaction and eventually at the very beginning of the reaction. Notice as soon as you can what is happening in your mind and body with this resistance reaction to Life.
Recognize it as resistance, a closing down to what is. Recognize that it is a normal "thing" that takes place in you when Life touches your stuff. Notice that we have a tendency to seek and cling to pleasure and to push pain away.
Remind yourself that this way of approaching Life just adds to your sense of suffering and that it serves no one, least of all you.
Recommit to your pledge to "sit with what is"
Again...look at what is happening "out there" and what is happening "in you" and simply allow it to be. Remind yourself that Life is just being Life. Remind yourself that you have no control over the weather. It is what it is. Remind yourself that the mind is just doing what it was trained to do...protect you from pain.
Become aware of your habitual need for judgement, expectation and a need know what will happen next and remind Self that this does not serve you.
Look at your judgements of "bad, wrong, shouldn't be"...and reframe them. For example, when we say the rain is bad...ask, "Is the rain really a bad thing...when it waters the whole earth, giving all beings much needed hydration?" Is it wrong for Life to rain on my day? "There is nothing personal in this rain today...has nothing to do with "me"". Should this not be? "It is... so it must be." Is there something wrong with me, am I a failure for reacting like this? "No I am learning and seeking a better way...I won't beat myself up for my learning."
Remind yourself of the first line in the serenity prayer, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change."
Be compassionate with Self
Witness what is going on in the mind. Ask , "Who is observing?" so you can see you are not the mind.
Allow the feeling and the experience to just flow through without needing to push it away, cling to it, stuff it etc. Release
Observe the distance between Self and what Self is observing. Watch the difference expand with practice.
Monitor your progress.