It is enough to free your thinking of its negative bonds, to allow yourself to take free part in the creation of your own wishes and desires, and thus to fill your life with achievement and good.
Uell S.. Andersen, Three Magic Words .
I think I got some semblance of an answer today to my question, "Is it okay to want or desire more?"
In a dharma talk from Thich Nhat Hanh, on Love and happiness, I heard these words,
"The first thing to do [when you see self in an unhealthy situation] is to desire to get out of this situation."
It was like "Thank God". For some reason, I needed his validation that it was okay to desire more in regards to external life circumstances.
You see, I am about to embark on the 30 day mental fast encouraged by Uell S. Andersen in his book, The Three Magic Words. I want to test and experiment with this philosophy. I am going to commit to filling my mind with positive thoughts and positive desires to see if my life will change. Because ...whether it is a sign of a lack of enlightenment in me or not....I do want my life circumstances to change.
What do I want to change?
I want more. I want more pain-free wellness, more freedom, more peace, more faith and more full living. I derive my desire for more from knowing that I want less of what I see in my life right now...I want less pain, illness, suffering, struggle, doubt, a lack of help and support from systems, financial worry, limitation, chaos, mess, drama, suffering in those I love, suffering in the world, fear etc. How is that for negative? I want less negativity.
When I use the words "positive" and "negative" here I want to try to avoid "duality" as much as possible. I want to link the word 'positive' with 'healthy', ' that which supports my connection to God' and 'beneficial to all'. The Buddhists use the word, "skillful," which I like. What I want is that which, I believe, will skillfully guide me to the Ultimate experience. I want to link the word "negative", then, with that which is 'unhealthy', that which takes me further from awareness and connection to God, and that which serves ego and 'little me' rather than all. I want to desire skillfully, knowing that though unskillful desire will eventually get me to where I truly want to be ( suffering can lead to transformation, right?) there is always an easier way to get there.
Desiring Skillfully
I still, very much, want to accept all that appears in my life with as little "right/wrong" or "good/bad" judgement as possible. I want to recognize, accept and embrace it all while I look deeply into it in order to gain insight into the "if, what and how" I should change it. Though I want more, I do not want to push away anything that comes my way in repulsion or aversion; nor do I want to strive for, struggle or fight for certain things I prefer.
Hmmm...I want to approach this challenge...not in the way it is described in The Secret but in a way that connection with Source comes first. The more I read Three Magic Words...I see that this is the approach Andersen is teaching. If I look up at all the things I want, I see that they are really not external changes I am seeking but internal...they are things that lead to and at the same time are derived from awakening. Hmmm!
Begins and Ends in the Mind
The whole process of creating better lives for ourselves begins in the mind and ends in the mind. It is a mental game. Do you believe that? Well I am hoping to test that theory very soon.
I stress, however, that I did not begin the challenge yet! If I did I would have failed miserably yesterday lol. Negativity still consumes me at times and is made apparent in my external circumstances.
An Example Of Negative Mental Formations Arising
I got quite ill with a UTI...and ended up with fever, chills, and lots of physical pain. I unskillfully focused on this experience, watering this seed until the mental formation of it became all consuming. What made it worse was that another seed/prompter was triggered to grow from my store consciousness/ subconscious mind. In there, because of past experiences, I have a core belief that the systems around me will not help or support me in my time of need, at least not without a lot of struggle and shaming. In other words, I believe I will not get help for health or financial related needs. So when I get sick with something as simple as a UTI, something that just needs an antibiotic, a sense of helplessness and doubt arises because the only way to get that antibiotic is through accessing the system that I perceive let me down in the past. With that mental formation I usually have the external experience of a challenge in getting help ( As it was with getting one clear cut answer instead of a three unnecessary ultrasound round for this mass I have) . So when I begin to experience the symptoms, I feel almost hopeless that I will get what I need so it will go away and that hopelessness just adds to the physical discomfort and negativity. I go down fast!
Mental Suffering Adding to the Physical
So I found myself quite ill, with a lot of both mental and physical suffering. Instead of sitting with that and transforming it, I had an idea that the only way to end the suffering was to get an antibiotic. I focused on an external factor. After a bit of a struggle and assuming more struggle in the future as the symptoms continued to become more and more intense, I swallowed my commitment to ensuring "equal access for all" ( sorry Tommy Douglas!) and paid a physician to assist me in getting relief from both the physical and mental formations. (Don't worry ...it was legit...used an online service that offers a quick 'privately funded' service option). Within minutes of hearing the prescription was faxed to my pharmacy, I felt a tremendous relief of suffering. That took care of the mental formations responsible for my suffering and all I had to deal with was the physical (which is so much easier to do without all the other stuff). I was very grateful for that service.
Wanting a Freedom from Suffering
What I hope to see 'manifest' (I really do not like that word lol) with this 30 day challenge and a selective and skilful watering of "healthy" seeds is a freedom from such suffering. I am not consciously seeking freedom from all minor or even major health ailments. I just want to see myself processing such experiences with peace, Faith, hope, and confidence that it will be taken care of quickly and surely. I am sure if I did not have this "skeptical doubt" I would not suffer as much...in fact...there would be, in the long run, less ailments to suffer through. I have this idea that faith...in Life and God and others and myself is what I really, really want.
Hmmm...anyway...I will start this challenge soon and I will keep you posted.
For now though...the most important thing is to be here, in this moment, with whatever is here...recognizing, accepting, embracing and looking deeply into what is. K? Cannot stress that enough.
All is well.
Andersen, Uell S.. Three Magic Words . BN Publishing. Kindle Edition.
Plum Village (June 2018) Love and Happiness/ Dharma Talk with Thich Nhat Hanh/2004.11.25
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtPqonJJP_o
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