The Non-Error of Complaint

I deny error; it is simply progress toward truth.  I know that it is impossible to fail when faith is present.
Uell S. Andersen, Third Meditation in Three Magic Words

  Not as easy as it looks to get two days, let alone 21 days, of complaint free living in. I did get 24 hours in though...yeah!! I then had to switch my bracelet twice.

Please know that what comes from my mouth is only like  10 % of what I got going on in my mind.  I am far from evolved away from any negative thinking.  I have just learned to control, to some extent, what I allow to come "out" of me. The outspoken complaint, which is so much easier to monitor than all those negative thoughts, allows me to see what I got swirling around in my head.

Bowen describes that which distinguishes a  complaint  from a non complaining statement  in  A Complaint Free world, as the meaning and the energy behind them.It isn't  that the things I say are all that "complainy" in the context of what most of us would call a complaint but the energy behind what I say outwardly is quite negative.  Once the words are spoken out loud to myself or others...I can retrace them back to the negativity that begot them. That is what is so cool about this experiment. 

For example today, when I was attempting to tie the dogs outside, I could not find the tie-outs and heard myself saying to a person who wasn't even there, "You better not have taken them to tie up things on your truck!" This may seem like no more than a simple wish.   The energy behind it, however,  was one of resentment and resistance indeed making it a complaint. 


Resentment

Instantly the little circumstance led me to recall all the "other" times this individual , in a state of unawareness or what some might call "thoughtlessness or unconsciousness"  did not take into consideration the value  "things" may have for other people. These past behaviours were totally non malicious in anyway but leading to a certain amount of unintended suffering ( however minor) for someone else. Having the tie outs means that I can not tie up the dogs outside all day which proves to be inconvenient for me and the dogs.

Now I am not even sure he has them.  I am creating my little complaint/reaction on an assumption based on  memory of past behaviours.  The big learning here gained from examining this complaint  is  that I am still clinging to past resentments in my resentment bank, of what my ego likes to label as "inconsiderate and disrespectful" behaviours of others. So as soon as I see a situation that differs from what I thought I wanted, this resentment is triggered. The complaint has moved that resentment from the thought realm to the realm of external awareness.

Resistance to What Is

Another thing that differentiates complaint from a statement of fact is a certain energy of resistance to what is.  "He better not"...is equivalent to an "Oh No!" , a "This shouldn't be", or a "This is not fair or right!". 

When we complain we are resisting what the moment has for us.  When we resist what the moment has for us , we resist the moment.  And when we resist the moment, guess what?  We resist Life. This complaint showed me that I was resisting Life! I don't want to do that even for a second.

So this small little wish definitely deserved a wrist switching.  And what a wonderful opportunity to present to me my own resentment and resistance.  Once I am aware of it I can work on letting go of it. Right?

The non-complaint and drama free statement I could have responded with, one that  Life, the almighty teacher,  would give me a gold star for, could have been: "Hmmm!  I don't know where the tie outs are.  Maybe D. has them because he has taken similar things before without thinking but maybe he doesn't.  The fact remains that I have no tie outs.  There is no "better not" or "shouldn't be" about this.  It just is."

Hmmm!

So I am switching wrists and beginning all over again, and again and again. What seems like error on our  part when we have to switch wrists is actually just progress toward truth! How cool is that?

All is well in my world!


Bowen, Will. A Complaint Free World: How to Stop Complaining and Start Enjoying the Life You Always Wanted . Potter/TenSpeed/Harmony. Kindle Edition.