Complete Confidence

I have complete confidence in the wisdom and the power of the Universal Subconscious Mind. I do not predict the manner in which each of my thoughts will manifest; I have complete faith that God moves in the most perfect manner.
Andersen, Uell S

Did I Complain?

Two full days in without complaint  and that may be debatable.  Last evening, I had to question if I had complained or not.  I had an unexpected visitor who wanted to discuss some issues regarding our children.  It was a heavy conversation because the topic matter was heavy but I think I remained honest, to the point, pragmatic and open during the conversation.  I felt genuine compassion and loving kindness toward her and her view point. I also felt compassion for myself and the two individuals involved. Though there was a lot of "concern" on my part, there was also a direct intention to stay positive especially with what I said.

I did stress that the system, as it presently is, is deficient in its ability to provide much needed resources but that honestly did not "feel" like a complaint.  I was  stating a fact with the hope of finding a way around the deficit.

I am not saying this conversation did not bring me down or lead to a certain amount of stress.  It did.  I felt the familiar heaviness of worry and negativity come over me...but...I did not vocalize it ( as far as I can remember)  and that is the measurable criteria for switching wrists. 

Getting Beyond Triggers?

Also during this conversation, another issue was inadvertently brought up regarding the individual whom I felt was getting in the way of me getting a proper diagnosis for this mass I had discovered in November.  (I have written about it extensively in December, January and February)  I was reminded by this individual  of what I suspected then....that I could not have been the only person his seemingly  ego-based judgments were impacting. Others were being hurt by these judgments.  I did not complain outwardly about this person.  I did not relay my story.  I just mentioned that I knew that his judgments have  negatively impacted others and stated that eventually his behaviours  will all come to public light and these situations will be dealt with and  prevented from happening in the future....without our need to make official complaints. I did not see that as a complaint. Still not sure though if I alluded to more with nuances or judgement.  I am giving myself the benefit of the doubt on this one and keeping the elastic where it is.

This conversation  did trigger in me some old fear and anger related to the  situation and I began to wonder again if his lack of a proper diagnosis was allowing something in me  to go untreated for too long.  I did not speak outwardly of this but brought myself back to breath and being.  I reminded myself:  I do not have to put any energy into trusting  his judgment or doubting it.  He , after all, has so little power over my wellness.  I just have to put this in the hands of God and trust that it is all being taken care of. I Let go and Let God!

So I am going to say, I have two full days in.

How cool is that?   

Andersen, Uell S.. Three Magic Words . BN Publishing. Kindle Edition.