Not on External Conditions

 I am aware that happiness depends on my mental attitude, and not on external conditions.

Thich Nhat Hanh, Fear, page 158

This is one of the learnings I want to leave behind for my children, my grandchildren, for children everywhere.

All is well. 

Living Up to Words

In spiritual discourse words are not the thing, they only point to the thing... We use the words to point to something that is beyond the words....Just learning the words will do nothing to your state of consciousness.

Eckhart Tolle

If I get to  leave anything behind when I leave this body, I would want to leave behind  the truths  that I am discovering through all I am learning.  The only means I have to do so...is through words, and limited further ...through words in my own language. As someone who presently works with multilingual learners, I realize how limiting that is. 

Words themselves are just pointers and I have to wonder what do they end up pointing to when they are translated from one language to another?  So much can be lost or convoluted in translation. Of course, I do know in my heart that words and concepts mean  nothing compared to the "experience" they direct us to. 

Am I living Up to My Words?

Eckhart Tolle, in the below linked podcast, was mentioning how some people talk the spiritual talk beautifully but do not walk the spiritual walk. ( He did not express what he was saying in those exact words lol). He was saying how he was observing some people on YouTube who can masterfully articulate spiritual concepts but who are likely not experiencing them at the level of consciousness the words are pointing to. For a second, I thought he was referring to me. Not that I articulately master speaking and writing but that I am not living up to my words.  

I wonder then: 

Have I just mastered the terminology of spiritual discourse or am I living up to it? I come to this medium so I can use my words. As someone who conceptually identifies as "writer" and "speaker", I do love words and they are a natural expression of meaning for me. I use them to learn and I use them to share learning, thusly to enhance anything I have learned. This little platform is a means for me to express what I am learning, just as much for my spiritual sake as for anyone else's.  It is like my canvas. So I splatter the words I am seeing in my head all over this canvas, creating, I hope, something of value. What I am creating on this canvas, is a map, that's all. It is a map that shows the way to the buried treasure within each of us. The map is in English but is there enough of the nonverbal to direct all seekers of truth, even multilingual learners to the truth within themselves? 

Tolle, tells us, we communicate better when there are gaps in the concepts...when there is something there beyond the words.

Maybe, right now, I do not have enough gaps for consciousness to shine through my words? That's okay I trust the process. I accept that I am not an Eckhart Tolle or a Michael Singer and will likely never be.  I may never reach more than one or two people in the way Life wants me to reach people in this life time. That is perfectly okay with me. I am just doing what I feel called to do regardless of reception. 

Right now, I am only reaching, it seems, besides a few loyal readers ( thank you!), a large number of bots in Singapore and surrounding countries.The Universe may be telling me with this that I am not ready for a greater reception of readers...because I, as the writer, speaker, artist, and map maker am not ready.  It may be telling me the spiritual discourse is still percolating in me and I am not yet living up to the words of it. Maybe there has to be less words and more gaps to reach people in the way they need to be reached.

Hmm!

Few people may even see what I put here let alone understand it or get something from it...but I leave it anyway.  It is my "gift", I guess,  to a world I have been a part of for so long.   Outcome is not my focus but  I have  to have a certain faith  that others will benefit from what I share, if not now, someday when it is truly needed. I am okay with posthumous reception of this gift. Infact, realization of  the temporary nature of my body, is one of the reasons I am so pulled to come here to leave behind my learning.  

I leave the world my words, and my map to the truth.  And I will spend the rest of my time here trying to live up to my words.

All is well! 

Eckhart Tolle (March 5, 2024) From Suffering to Awakening: Embracing Consciousness in Virtual Worlds. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCZ84F_l0J0&t=7s

On Nirvana

Dwelling in the present moment,you'll find that you become very interested in investigating all of life, and you discover many wonderful things, many ways to practice. This doesn't mean you get lost in your thinking; it means you observe reality as it is and discover its true nature.

Thich Nhat Hanh, Fear, page148

An Unconditional and Open Way of Approaching Life?

Imagine living a life where no matter what is happening outside of you or inside of you...you  remain open, happy, full of joy and absent of fear.  Hmm!  Sounds too good to be true doesn't it? The mind definitely tells us it is too good to be true and psychology ( which is the study of and the treatment/therapy which attempts to appease the mind) will tell you that isn't possible.  We are conditioned to go about our lives, then, grasping for things out there/ desiring, preferring, judging and clinging in order to make the not okay insides reasonably okay.  We are conditioned to determine what is "bad or wrong" for us on the basis of how it triggers all the stuff we have stored inside  and to do what we can to resist it ( avoidance, denial, supression, repression etc). We are taught by the mind and our conditioning that getting this or that, achieving this or that, finding this or that in a "special relationship"  will make us happy and therefore should be our "goals". We are also taught that avoidng that which makes our stored stuff rattle a bit inside is the thing to do. Therefore we live lives of conditional happiness and our motivation for living becomes seeking that which will make us happy and pushing away that which makes us unhappy.  We are not okay unless life unfolds in front of us exactly as we believe it should. We resist everything else big time! It becomes  a very small and "conditional" existence! 

Another Approach

But spirituality offers another approach. It doesn't ask, "How should life be; what  can I do; and what can I avoid in order to be temporarily okay inside? It asks, why am I needing these things to be okay inside? Why am I not okay inside? What do I have to do to be permanently okay inside? 

This brings me to the Four Noble Truths again. First Noble Truth: There is suffering; Second Noble Truth: There is a cause for suffering which is desire, craving, or preference. The Third Noble Truth: There is a way through suffering to freedom;  and the Forth Noble Truth: The Eight Fold Path is the way to freedom from suffering. 

Hmm! What the heck does that mean crazy lady?

We suffer because we desire and crave for things outside and inside to be a certain way.  We suffer because our prefering has led to the creation of a psyche ( the sum total of all our stored experiences). Our psyches want only pleasure and for  the outside world to not touch it or our stuff in an unpleasant way. (Buddhist might refer to this craving and deluded psyche as the Manas, Hanh, page 146). We suffer because we are  putting conditional demands on happiness and joy, erronously believing that the outside world determines our happiness and joy, and therefore our suffering. We neglect to see our responsibility in that and therefore our power to transform suffering into freedom.   

There was a word from Hanh's book that kept rolling around in my head since yesterday.  And of course, Singer brought up that word in his podcast today.  The word was "Nirvana". Nirvana is basically the extinction (the "putting out of flames" of all notions and afflictions including craving). It isn't something we go to or attain.  It is something we already are but just don't realize it because our wrong perceptions are in the way. 

Nirvana is the true nature of reality. Things as they are. Nirvana is available in the here and now. You are already in Nirvana; you are Nirvana, just as the wave is already the water. page 147

What would we expereince if we extinguished all our wrong ideas, all our stuffed samskaras, all our conditions, and all of our fear? Life would be amazing wouldn't it be? We need to clean out our minds and our hearts to experience the open spaciousness of Nirvana, to experience what we already are. We need to choose to live unconditionally rather than conditionally if we want to be free. 

Breathing in, I observe the disappearance of desire. Breathing out, I observe the disappearance of desire. 

Breathing in, I observe cessation. Breathing out, I observe cessation.

Breathing in, I observe letting go.  Breathing out, I observe letting go.

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/Temple of the Universe (March 4, 2024) Living a Life of Unconditional Openness. https://tou.org/talks/

Thich Nhat Hanh ( 2012) Fear: Essential Wisdom for Getting Through the Storm. New York: Harper One.

A Breath Practice of Transforming Garbage Into Flowers

 

Sorrow, fear, and depression are like a kind of garbage. But these bits of garbage are a part of real life, and we must look deeply into their nature. We can practice so as to turn these bits of garbage into flowers. In the practice of Buddhisn, we see all mental formations-including compassion, love, fear, sorrow, and despair-are organic in nature. We don't need to be afraid of any of them because transformation is always possible. With just a smile and mindful breathing we can start to transform them. 

Thich Nhat Hanh, Fear, page 109.

I am not sure what the ethics and copyright rules are around taking the steps of a modified ancient practice. as offered in a modern book, and sharing those steps here.  I believe they were the Buddha's teachings and can be found in many Buddhist texts and lectures, in one form or another, so I assume  they are meant to be shared. The author of this book I am referring to  was all about helping all of us be more peaceful inside so the world could become more peaceful outside.  

Of course, one could ask, "Well, that may be true but who are you, crazy lady, to be the one sharing a Buddhist practice?" I would answer...I am certainly not a dharma teacher and I wouldn't even call myself a Buddhist. I am just a learner fascinated with discovering the truth of who we are, I am, then,  a no body and no-self and it is okay, possibly, for no-self, which is the basis of Buddhist teaching, to be sharing such a practice. :) 

Anyway,

I love this practice shared by Thich Nhat Hanh in Fear ( pages129-148).  I know from my practice of it over the years that it is very effective in transforming fear into fearlessness. It is, actually, helpful in transforming monkey mind into mindful mind, and our garbage into flowers

Breathing In; Breathing Out:

For the Body

Exercise 1: Breath Awareness Focus= Awareness of being alive: "Breathing in, I am aware I am breathing in; Breathing out, I am aware I am breathing out."

Exercise 2: Building Concentration= Following and enjoying the full length of the breath: "Breathing in, I follow my in breath all the way from the beginning to the end; Breathing out, I follow my out breath all the way from the beginning to the end." 

Exercise 3: Body Awareness= Connecting mind with body. "Breathing in, I am aware of my whole body.  Breathing out, I am aware of my whole body." 

Exercise 4: Releasing Tension and Pain from the Body=Taking care of the body and letting go. "Breathing in, I am aware of some tension and pain in my body; breathing out, I calm and  release tension and pain from my body." 

For Feelings: 

Exercise 5: Awareness of Feelings=Recognizing and Calling forth Joy=Noticing, allowing, expereincing, looking deeply, and releasing. "Breathing in, I feel joy; breathing out, I know joy is there." 

Exercise 6: Awareness of Feelings=Recognizing and Calling forth Happiness=Noticing, allowing, experiencing, looking deeply, and releasing. "Breathing in, I feel happiness; breathing out, I know happiness is there."

Ecercise 7: Awareness of Feelings=Recognizing and Allowing the  Pain=Noticing, allowing, expereincing, and looking deeply. Allowing mindfulness and concentration to embrace the pain. "Breathing in, I know a painful feeling is there; breathing out, I calm the painful feeling. "

Exercise 8: Awareness of Feelings=Embracing and Releasing the Pain=Embracing  feelings with tenderness, noviolence, and soothing calm  and then allowing for the gentle release of  the pain. "Breathing in, I calm my mental formations; breathing out, I calm my mental formations."

For the Mind:

Exercise 1: Awareness of the Mind and Mind Sates= Recognizing, allowing, expereincing, and looking deeply into "thinking". "Breathing in, I am aware of my mind; breathing out, I am aware of my mind."

Exercise 2: Gladdening the Mind=Positive Reconstruction/Selective Watering of Seeds. "Breathing in, I make my mind happy.  Breathing out, I make my mind happy."

Exercise 3: Concentrating the Mind=Focusing and looking deeply. (Keeping insight of nonself, emptiness, and impermanence alive.) "Breathing in, I concentarte my mind; breathing out, I concentarte my mind."

Exercise 4: Liberating the Mind= Freeing mind from afflictions and notions.(Keeping insight of nonself, emptiness, and impermanence alive."And when we have the flame, the flame will consume the match. When we have the insight, the insight will burn away the notion."page 144) " Breathing in, I liberate my mind; breathing out, I liberate my mind."

For the Objects of the Mind:

Exercise 5: Contemplating Impermanence= Concentrating and a breakthrough into the heart of relaity (nonself, emptiness, and impermanence). Touching the nature of impermanence in everything we observe.  "Breathing in, I observe the impermanent nature of all Dharmas; breathing out, I observe the impermanent nature of all Dharmas. "

Exercise 6: Contemplating Non-Desire, Non-Craving=Noticing, allowing, expereincing,Looking deeply into , and Releasing all of "mana-originated" cravings. "Breathing in, I observe the disappearance of desire; breathing out, I observe the disappearance of desire." 

Exercise 7: Contemplating Nirvana-the extinction of all notions. "Breathing in, I observe cessation; breathing out, I observe cessation."

Exercise 8: Touching Nirvana(True Nature) and Letting Go into the Present Moment="extinction of the afflictions brought about by our wrong perceptions" page 147. "Breathing in, I observe letting go; breathing out, I observe letting go. "

We can turn our suffering into freedom, our garbage into flowers! Don't take my word for it. Try practicing this for yourself...or better still, Thich Nhat Hanh would say, practice with a Sangha.

All is well.

Thich Nhat Hanh ( 2012) Fear: Essential Wisdom for Getting Through the Storm. New York: Harper One

Yogananda on God

God can live without man's love, but as the wave cannot live without the ocean, so it is not possible for man to exist without the love of God. 

Yogananda, The Yoga of Jesus.

From Michael A. Singer's podcast this morning, I was drawn to the teachings of Yogananda on God.  "God", for most of us,  is a complicated concept we term a "belief" and something we slap on That which  we truly do not understand...cannot understand as long as we are identified with our mental garbage.

Hmm!

On Belief

Belief is an initial stage of spiritual progress necessary to receive the concept of God. But that concept has to be transposed into conviction, into experience. Belief is the precursor of conviction; one has to believe a thing in order to investigate equitably about it. But if one is satisfied only with belief, it becomes dogma—narrow-mindedness, a preclusion of truth and spiritual progress. What is necessary is to grow, in the soil of belief, the harvest of direct experience and contact of God. That indisputable realization, not mere belief, is what saves people. (The Yoga of Jesus)

On Misidentifying Who We Are with the World of Form

Essential sons of God, clear reflections of the Father untarnished by delusion, have become sons of man by identification with the flesh and forgetfulness of their origin in Spirit. Deluded man is just a beggar on the street of time. But as Jesus received and reflected through his purified consciousness the divine sonship of Christ Consciousness, so also every man, by yoga meditation, can clarify his mind and become a diamondlike mentality who will receive and reflect the light of God. (The Yoga of Jesus)

On Finding God

Never mind if at first you cannot see God or hear His knock at the gate of your heart. For a long time you have been hiding from Him and running away in the marsh of the senses. It is the noise of your own rowdy passions, and of the flight of your heavy footsteps in the material world, that has made you unable to hear His call within. Stop, be calm, pray steadfastedly, and out of the silence will loom forth the Divine Presence.  

(Inner Culture,1939 )

It is by freeing oneself from earthly desires that one gains entry into the kingdom of God.( The Yoga of Jesus)

When will you find God? When all your desires for other things are finished. When you realize that the only thing worth having is Him. When every thought, every feeling is drenched with the love of God. (Inner Culture,1939)

All is well!

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( March 3, 2024) Understanding Your Relationship with God Consciousness. https://tou.org/talks/

Paramahansa Yogananda (2007) The Yoga of Jesus, illustrated edition. Self -Realization Fellowship

Parmahansa Yogananda (1939) Inner Culture Magazine: Self-Realization Fellowship.

Inward Significance

 

The aim of art is to represent not the outer appearance of things, but their inward significance.

Aristotle

The Imperfections of My Outer Self

I  get so  surprised when I go back to see what was read recently and see glaring typos or spelling/grammatical errors. I still see the improper use of ascribe/prescribe,subscribe; effect/affect; and then/than(even though I know so well which one belongs where). I see, on occassion, poor sentence structure. I see my pet peave...the result of a lazy finger when I am typing fast: "teh" for "the", "taht" for "that", "becasue" for "because".  As well, as many, many more typos and errors. 

These imperfections are like little stains on the clothing or something in the teeth  of a person standing up to speak. No matter how great the message is, one cannot help but stare at the imperfection, to the point they are distracted from hearing the message. They walk away from the lecture not thinking about the soul changing question, "Wow! Who am I? What is Life all about and am I living it the way I am meant to?" but with questions like, "Did she know she had that big ketchup stain on her shirt? Is she just a sloppy person who doesn't care?  I wonder what she would do, if she knew she had some brocoli in her teeth and we could see it every time she opened her mouth. Would she be as embarrassed as I am for her? " 

People seem to get stuck there, don't they?  I know I often do.  If I am reading a book from someone with a great message and it it is poorly written...I am out of there! The person with the message looses all credibility for me. I don't hear the message. 

Attracting the Hyperactive Ego? 

Ego has its preferences.  Ego is attracted to certain things and distracted by others. It is like a fussy kid with ADHD.  In order to break through to truth, we need to break through the ego but to do that we need to keep that ego listening long enough for truth to dissect it.  We need to attract it, and avoid distractions ...knowing how easily it is distracted. We need to be able to lead it to truth and then hold it still long enough so what is inside and behind it can shine through. So sometimes, we do need to offer it the guise of what it prefers...to dangle a carrot in front of its nose.  The carrot needs to be appealing...

Is this "me" appealling enough? I seldom think about how appealling I am to others these days.  I seldom even look at myself in the mirror ( and not for self rejecting reasons.) How I appear is the last thing on my mind. I suppose that shows.  I just do not see the importance of it...my appearance ranks so low on my priority list. Yet, (I guess you could say...)  I have a message I want to share...an important message that I strongly believe  should speak for itself....a message that has nothing to do with "me", other than possibly come through me. Yet, if I am the one delivering it...should I polish up my own ego a bit, create an outer image free of typos and distractions so other egos are drawn to me as the speaker and at the same time not distracted by me as the speaker? So I can hold them just long enough so the message does its thing of penetrating through egos to hearts, minds and souls?  

I don't know.  I am just not in that  realm of outer concern anymore.  I am really not.  I have been moving away from that concern for decades now...I even have had people tell me years ago, "You are  certainly no Diva and  more of a "wreck" than anything". I felt a sting then, though it was not the intention of these individuals,  of being shamed by that comment.  But now I see just how unimportant my appearance was and  is to me. 

The thought of putting effort into creating a more appealling outer "me" is draining.  Why would I put my energy there? I would rather go inward and do the work there. Does that make me a yogi or some one with self-deprecating depression? Psychology would wonder if I was the latter. They are not all wrong.  I am to some degree "self"-deprecating.  I no longer see the "self" as something I need to pamper and fluff up, to preen and embellish.  I actually see it as being in the way of me going deeper. 

Outwardly appealling or not in all my human imperfections, I am seeking inward significance!

All is well. 

Yoga: The Supreme Goal

As the sun lights up the world, the Self dwelling in the field [the body] is the source of light in the field. Those with the eye of wisdom distinguish the field from its Knower and the way to freedom from the bondage of prakriti [world of form which includes thoughts, feelings, preferences, samskaras], attain the  supreme goal. 

The Gita (Chapter 13:33)

Yoga or union is the supreme goal. In order to attain yoga/union with Self we  must be able to see the distinction between the Knower and the known. We must also be able to see the way to freedom by recognizing what is blocking us or keeping us in bondage.  Our attachment to the body, to our thoughts and feelings, our dramas as "little me" keep us from  attaining the supreme goal.

A yogi, then, is anyone who sees the truth of this statement and begins the practice path towards this freedom whether this goal is attained in this lifetime or not.They make purification of these bondages/blockages priority.  I have committed myself to this path and that is why I call myself a yogi.

Synchronicity

I get blown away again and again by the like mindedness of yogis. Just yesterday I randomly answered two questions from the jar. One on relaxing anxiety and the other on "Why do you call yourself a yogi?" Then when I came to my morning practice today, which included listening to yesterday's podcast from Michael Singer,  I hear him  speak to this idea of what a yogi is. And I am like wow.  (He also addresses what I spoke about in my other video about relexing self, not the emotional energy that is disturbing self.) Exact same topics/ same timing. Coincidence or serendipity? The practical mind says coincidence or "you just subconsciously regurgitated what you learned from him etc". The wiser mind of the yogi (not that I am wise yet...lol) says," no there is more to this".

I am not saying  some metaphysical woo-woo is going on here...but I believe  there is an interconnectiveness to consciousness. I am not alone in believing this. Have you ever looked into studies done on synchronicity like  Carl Jung's psychology studies, Sheldrake's "morphic resosonance" in  biology studies, Ernzt Lazlo's  "chaos theory" or Bohm's studies in physics on the "holographic cosmos"?  Synchronicity/ serendipity is more than mere coincidance. How does it work? Consciousness is universal.

 A yogi is someone who studies consciousness ....and there is only One consciousness we all share.  So, really it isn't that far fetched that what we write and speak about , as yogis ( myself a very underdeveloped one at this point)  lines up so perfectly, so frequently, is it? I am truly not "copying" him. Whatever comes out of me comes out spontaneously and authentically.  There is no doubt his words and his teachings are in me as I assimilate all I learn. He has helped me to understand my practice so much better but what I say or put out here comes from some place deep within me.  It really does. So, I cannot help but believe that him speaking about what I just spoke about isn't woo-woo but it is more than mere coincidence. 

Regardless, this is why I call myself a yogi:

All is well.

Note: My spell/grammar check is off her for some reason.  I type so fast there is bound to be many typos. Sorry.

The Bhagavad Gita as translated by Eknath Easwaran (The Blue Mountain Center of Meditation, 2007) Kindle Edition

Michael A. Singer/Temple of the Universe ( February 29, 2024) No Growth Without Change. https://tou.org/talks/

Remaining Where You Were

 Can I remain where I was before this thing popped up?

Michael A. Singer

This is the first important question a yogi asks. And it is around this question that the practice is developed: learning to stay centered in Witness Consciousness while things out there pop out in front of us and things in here  come up from deep inside. 

Yoga is all about learning to stay seated while Life happens in and out. It is about developing the skill of not allowing habit mind take us down into the muck and mire of human drama as it is so inclined to do.  It is about learning to not get so lost in "little me" with its reactivity, its emotions, and its thinking.

  We realize, in the  beginning, how we are perceiving and responding to the world through a heart and mind clouded with samskara. We see how our present tendencies of grasping, clinging, pushing away, stuffing down, and resisting life on account of these samskaras doesn't bring anything but suffering.  We begin to see how much these stored impressions/preferences are holding us back from living a full life, how they are in the way of something so much better we cannot quite comprehend but know is there.  We begin to recognize the distinction between the "little me" in the drama and the "I" that is watching it.  We choose "I" over "me".  We decide we want to be clean inside, free of all this stuff "me" stuffed. 

When we establish ourselves in Witness Consciousness, by working the pause, we remain up at the level of "being aware, the One consciousness/ that which we are" ...We stop dropping down to meet the stuff at its level, getting all tangled up in it.  Instead, we allow the stuff to come up to where we are as the neutral, equanimous Witness, to be experienced and then to be released. We practice Yoga so we can be free of that cloud cover; so we can see clearly;  and so we can experience the conditions of happiness already within us. 

Then, with devoted practice and some release of samskara blockages,  we will encounter other questions, the most important ones:  What is that unconditional peace, joy, compassion, and love  that is being freed from these blockages? Where is that coming from?  What is the Source of this clear  Consciousness I am experiencing more and more with everything I release? 

We fall into that Source...becoming One with it.

Well, once we get there, there will be no more need for practicing, learning, or teaching. We will be home, where we always were.  Hmm! 

All is well in my world. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( February 26, 2024) Exploring Witness Consciousness and Beyond. https://tou.org/talks/

For the Good of Children

 You should not live for the good of your children.  You should live for your own good and your children will learn from your example how to live. 

Alan Watts

The absolute point of any eductaional system what so ever is the progressive allowing of children to participate in activities that adults consider real and important. 

Alan Watts

Awakening and Teachers

 

Once the awakening happens, with it comes the realization that suffering is unnecessary now. You have reached the end of suffering because you have transcended the world. It is the place that is free of suffering. This seems to be everybody's path. Perhaps it is not everybody's path in this lifetime, but it seems to be a universal path. Even without a spiritual teaching or a spiritual teacher, I believe that everyone would get there eventually. But that could take time.

Eckhart Tolle.

Before listening to Michael Singer's podcast

I was meditating today and the word pratyahara kept being repeated in my mind.  I had not reached pratyahara. I was not withdrawing completely from the senses and what they were taking in during my practice.  I seldom am lately but the word pratyahara was there asking me to acknowledge it and to remember it. I knew, somehow, that Michael Singer was going to mention that word, as well as the other two limbs above it, the next time I heard him speak.  I was also reminded during my less than single pointed meditation of the poem I wrote a few days ago,  "Reflections in the Glass" and I questioned if what I wrote about in that poem would be mentioned the next time I heard him speak, as well. 

Before I meditated, I was also trying to name all the "ascended beings" or beings I knew that were, at least, in the process of waking up.  I wanted to focus on those I knew who  were once scientists or academics, be they alive or dead. I was seeking those with a  "science" background or scholarly knowledge" to validate the reality of  what I have been experiencing lately...for where I am at this point on this journey of waking up. If a renown scientist or scholar was suddenly realizing what I am realizing, I told myself,  maybe I am not a "kook" afterall. Once I recalled them and began to meditate, I found myself asking for their guidance.  Who did I think about and in an odd way reach out to for guidance? Those alive: Michael Singer (PhD Economics/College Professor/Very successful business owner), Matthieu Richard(PhD molecular genetics), Eckhart Tolle (undergrad in Languages/Philosophy...enrolled in a postgraduate at Cambridge but did not complete?), Deepak Chopra ( Internal Medicine in Endocrinolgy/ University Professor)  ( Names are few here because I have trouble  trusting the sincerity of intention in  a lot of the alive teachers).  Those that are no longer in body: Thich Nhat Hanh (Buddhism, Languages, Education), Gandhi (Law) , Mother Teresa(Nursing), Ram Dass(PhD in Psychology/University Professor)), Alan Watts (PhD Theology/Philosophy/ University Professor) , Wayne Dyer (PhD Psychology/ University Professor), Vivekananda ( absolutely everything), Yogananda (and his Gurus), Rama Krishna, Maharishi, MeherBaba...SengT san (the third zen patriarch) and of course, the Buddha and Christ.  (So, so many more). All these individuals were learned in way or another. They have/had respect for science and or the other fields in academics! Yet, they can or could see beyond our conditioned way of viewing the world to something deeper. I am now seeking the Simething Deeper. I want to equate my journey with theirs to some degree ( though I do not have a PhD behind my name.). Hmm! In essence, I was wondering if I could actually get help from these Masters. Many traditions suggest that if we pray to or request support from  such wise teachers or saints for guidance in our everyday life we would get it. I was wondering if that was possible.

During the Podcast

Anyway, during the podcast , Singer spoke about pratyahara. He also said "the reflection in the mirror" is not who we are. And then he promised that if we were doing the work of cleaning out our insides, our samskaras..."every master will be there to help you." 

Wow! 

Many Teachers Are Still Waking Up

Also in the podcast, Singer makes a distinction between waking up and being fully enlightened. I am really not sure where he is at on this journey.  He does not profess to be enlightened or a "very high being" but he does talk in great deal about "waking up" and teaching and writing what he writes for that reason. I can relate to that.   I have been in the process of waking up for many years but I have yet to be "enlightened"...immersed into the ocean of consciousness etc. I began to realize decades ago that the way I was processing life from the outside in, rather than from the inside out, was not working.  I knew I needed to go inward, examine what was there,  and deal with it...thus the beginning of my true yoga practice. I am not sure if what I do here is actually "teaching" but I share my experience and my learning as I wake up. Learning what I am learning and sharing it has become more important to me than anything else.

When I listen to Michael Singer, therefore, I feel like I can truly relate. He mentions, though, that he has made connection with the flow of Shakti. I have yet to break through a very thick Samskara layer and to truly feel free flowing Shakti within me. And though I see him more as a like minded individual than my guru...I am aware he is farther along this path than I am and therfore I do look to him for guidance. I deeply respect his mission and his message.  I respect him of the carrier of it. I include him amongst the many on my list that I seek help from when I meditate and when I make each moment of my life a part of the practice. 

 It is always beneficial to be near a spiritual teacher. These masters are like gardens or medicinal plants, sanctuaries of wisdom. In the presence of a realized master, you will rapidly attain enlightenment. In the presence of an erudite scholar, you will acquire great knowledge. In the presence of a great meditator,  spiritual experience will dawn in your mind. In the presence of a bodhisattva, your compassion will expand, just as an ordinary log placed next to a log of sandalwood becomes saturated, little by little, with its presence.

Dilgo Khyentse. 

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( February 25, 2024) Coming to Peace with the Voice in Your Head. https://tou.org/talks/

The "I" Beneath the Cloud Cover

 "I", which we mistake to be a little "I", limited [separate], is not only my "I", but yours, the "I" of everyone, of the animals, of the angels, of the lowest of the low. That "I am" is the same in the murderer as in the saint, the same in the rich as in the poor, the same in man as in woman, the same in man as in animals. From the lowest amoeba to the  highest angel, He resides in every soul, and eternally declares, "I am He, I am He." 

Vivekananda, Complete Works (1.4 Lectures and Discourses, page 190; Kindle)

Now I believe that spacious, nonjudgemental, nondiscriminating backdrop of "I am" is in all of us. I do. We are all embedded with this "I am" that Vivekananda lectured about, "the field" that Einstein spoke about... the Kingdom of Heaven Christ preached about...or the sky the Buddha taught about. I call it God (you can call it whatever you want) and I think of the sky.

One Spacious, Infinite Sky

There is one spacious blue sky/space/emptiness/sunyata. It is everywhere, all the time, and in everything. It is spacious and infinite, unlimited. We narrow our focus, however,  so much that we fail to see how spacious this sky is...how it is in everything, how it is everywhere. 

If we even dare to look up, we see this little bit of sky that is before us and claim it as "My, Mine, and Me". We become this narrow, little limited version of what we are focusing on: a small section of often cloudy sky with all its storms and its breaks....different, distinct, comparable, personal, and separate from all the other cloudy sections of sky. Things like clouds will form and pass by on this backdrop. Many of us, then,  become so focused or so "overwhelmed" by the clouds that pass by (or linger for what seems like so long) over this idea of "me"/little "I", that we do not see the blue sky beneath them.  We forget that infinite and bright expanse is there, let alone recognize ourselves as that sky or that "I am". 

 We desperately seek breaks in this cloud cover so we can see the sky...find our bits of joy...not realizing that we are the sky beneath the cloud cover and that all we have to do is fall back into who we are to float in this endless sky, in the everlasting joy that is its nature. We don't see this because we are paying too much attention to this tiny section of cloud cover we personalized as "me". 

Expanding the Focus

We can expand our focus. We can stand back as  humans and view this sky in panoramic view. That is a step forward.

Yet, when I expand my gaze...it seems through the eyes of "me" that is looking over at the  other sections of sky ...that some parts of the sky are cloudier, darker, heavier than others. And I ask the question, I asked yesterday..."Why? Why do some people seem to have more clouds over their section of sky ?"  

Varying Degrees? 

If I think of clouds as those things that store our impressions, our expereinces, I cannot help but ask: Why are some sections of sky heavier and darker than others? Why is it so hard for some humans to see a tinge of blue beneath  psyches' accumulations? Why is the cloud cover different from one person to teh next? Thus the questions about  the effects of  the amount and intensity of life challange/circumstances, biology, neuropsychiatry, personality traits, genetics, collective unconscious, and Karma on our pscyches accumulations  come into my mind. 

Why are so many of us standing here on Earth...so trapped in our human form...focused on or overwhelmed by different levels of cloud cover which appear to pass slowly or quickly by at varying levels of degree and intensity? Why do some of us tend to store Life's evaporations in light, fluffy Cumulus clouds while others store theirs in dark, stormy nimbus clouds. Why do so many of us have this sense of being poured upon by what we stored in these clouds when others see more blue sky (even if they are far from evolved or aware of what it is they are looking at)?  Why are there varying degrees of suffering and  darkness amongst the human population?  Why can't we all be like the enlightened being behind the cloud cover, wrapped in blue spaciousness and freedom, looking down through the clouds at the human in us? 

We Know Who We Are

We know, at some deep level, the field is there governing every particle.  We know, in some explicable way we cannot articulate with mere words,  the Kingdom of Heaven is within. We know, beyond our intellectual understanding of things, we are the infinite blue sky of awareness, consciousness. We know, whether we have heard of yoga or not, we are Sat Chit Ananda ( eternal, consciousness and bliss). We know, at our cores, even if that truth is buried beneath heavy cloud cover, that there in just One "I am" in everything and that "I am"  is in us.  We are that "I am." 

Every one of us has our holiness, because we have the Buddha within us. When the Buddha is alive inside us we don't suffer, and happiness is possible. Thich Nhat Hanh, Fear, page 78 ( Harper One, 2012)

Our mission as human beings is to somehow see all this cloud cover that seems to be holding us back as nothing.  Our mission is to fall back behind the cloud cover to the spaciousness of what is.  Our mission is to reconnect with who we are.  We are awareness, consciousness.  We are the "I am" in everything. 

For whatever reason, some of us have more work to do than others in this life time, more cloud cover to cut through.  Regardless where you are and how much storm or potential for storm  you seem to be staring at...remember...please remember...the blue sky is there beneath it all. It never once went away, nor will it. 

Take a deep breath and fall back into it!

The field is the soul governing agency of the particle.

Einstein

All is well.

Be Wise!

You change what is going on inside and everything changes.

Michael A. Singer

I was questioning something the last couple of days. Why is the pull down for some stronger than it is for others?  Now, I know the only thing we can do to change the world, is change our insides. I know that samskaras and our preferring/desiring based on them is the source of our suffering....but still: Why are some people more prone to samskara build up and then the negative pull of desire and aversion than others? 

Life circumstance certainly has something to do with that.  I mean, some people are born into  more challenges/trauma than others, right?  Some challenges are bound to be packed away  in our "Sam(skara)sonite" luggage. And if you suffered trauma you may be carrying around more potentially explosive  baggage than someone who hasn't. Yet, not everyone stores trauma and challenge. There are starving beggars in the streets of Calcutta who are happier and freer than many  who grew up with affluence and comfort in North America.  How does that work then? What causes some people to grasp, cling, and push away more than others?  Is it because of faith and cultural conditioning? The Hindu may be more likley to see suffering as a means to burn off karma and therefore will embrace challenge happily, whereas a North American may see suffering as something to be avoidied all together and spend their life running from it. Is this the cause of the difference in samskara storage and  activation?? 

Yet, people from the same circumstances, same culture, same faith and geographical background can differ tremendously in their response/reaction to life events because of  how much they stuffed and stored. Is it biological and genetic? Are people's nervous systems naturally wired for a certain degree of selective stuffing and storing and therefore preferring? Does it have something to do with the levels of feel good neurotransmitters in the body or the uptake reflex? Are some people so lacking in dopamine  they tend to grasp, stuff, and store more than others? What does the hyperactivy of neurons or the primordial brain, the amygdala have to do with this tendency? 

People could go through the exact same trauma or challenging events and some would store wounding creating a samskara that will affect the rest of their life...while others will just let it in or out...or at least store less of it.  Why? Does it have to do with the personality traits we are born with?  Maybe...more esoterically- it has to do with what we inherited in our collective unconscious...or even more esoterically...what karma we are bringing with us from a previous life? 

Hmm! I really do not know!

I do believe wholeheartedly that our preferring tendencies are based on what we stored and stuffed. I do.  I believe that these preferences and expectations are screwing up our lives. I do. I do believe we all need to give up our preferences, which equates to preferring life to be exactly as it is, if we want to be free of our suffering tendency! This makes perfect sense to me.

But my question remains...why is it more difficult for some to give up these preferences than it is for others?  Why are some people so preference addicted...so easily  pulled into the negative drama of little me...more stuffed with samskaras than others? Why do some of us have more work to do to become free and purified than others do?

Do you ever wonder about that? 

Hmm!  Anyway...I am rambling.

Regardless of the cause, as Rumi says :

Yesterday I thought I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.  Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( February 22, 2024) Exploring the Root of Preference. https://tou.org/talks/

Poetry Kick

 On a poetry kick.  Sorry.  Stuff just wanting to come out and I can do little to stop it unless I allow myself to  go a bit nuts. lol These compulsions are too strong.  I have learned to listen and obey.

The poetry may suck but there is a reason for it demanding to be put down. There has to be. :) 

All is well

Like Picasso

 like Picasso

dark colours

from your messy palette

 drip upon the canvas of your mind

sloppily yet intentionally

the brush you cling to

paints the world as predator

and yourself

…a tiny but significant form

curled up in the center of this creation…

as prey

this world you are making

doesn't have to be so dark

 you get to choose what you paint

 on the spacious backdrop

of your life

like Picasso 

you are capable

of both, “The Tragedy”

and the “Joie De Vivre”

select the latter

let the muse within inspire

hold the brush

loosely in your grip

dip into  brighter colours

choose the yellow over grey

joy over grief

 

better still

wipe this dark drama

you are creating

away with a perfect stroke

 of white and light

 

step back away from the easel

and have a look

at the purity of unblanched canvas

then, and only then,

choose wisely

what colour

and what stroke

you will use

like Picasso

you can paint a masterpiece

paint a masterpiece of joy

 

© Dale-Lyn (Pen), February , 2024

Reflection in the Glass

Reflection in the Glass

I look into the glass at the wrinkled face staring back at me.

Is that me staring at me? 

How can that be? 

How can the me I see be the thee I be? 

 

I hear mental voices echoing that time is running out...

as this aging form stares back at me.

I watch as this form twists its head in pensive thought.

Am I these thoughts that I am thinking?

How can that be? 

How can the thoughts that are heard being thought

be the hearer of those thoughts? 

This question pulls me deeper into the eyes of this reflection. 

Is that me staring at me? 

How can that be?

How can the me I see be the thee I be?

 

As I watch this image in the glass, I feel the body's sensations,

I sense the aches and pains of age, and the tension of 

a life time of resistance forming one big knot

in the center of this gut,

while this reflection stare back at me.

Am I this that is sensing the world around me and in me?

How can that be?

How can that which senses be that which it is sensing?  

How can the thoughts that are heard being thought

be the hearer of those thoughts? 

These questions pull me deeper  into the eyes of this reflection. 

Is that me staring at me? 

How can that be?

How can the me I see be the thee I be?

 

 

I watch as the brow scrunches up with fear and worry 

over the body's eerie reminders.

Am I the emotions I am experiencing?

How can that be? 

How can the fear I feel be the me that feels? 

How can that which senses be that which it is sensing?  

How can the thoughts that are heard being thought

be the hearer of those thoughts? 

These questions pull me deeper  into the eyes of this reflection. 

Is that me staring at me? 

How can that be?

How can the me I see be the thee I be?

 

Aha.

I am not the form I am staring at.

What I see is just a surface reflection

temporarily captured by the glass.

It will not last.

I am not the passing sensations,  

the thoughts,

 or the emotions

being observed and experienced.

I am the eternal Observer, 

the Experiencer, 

the “I Am,”

that exists beyond the eyes that are looking

and the eyes that are staring back. 

I am not the “me” that I see

because there is no me.

I am the “Thee”.

And I am the "Be"

that will be there when I look away. 

 

© Dale-Lyn (Pen), February , 2024

Well that came out of me after listening to the below podcasts/videos and thinking about yesterdays' poem, "I am Thee". . 

A line that caught me today...might be paraphrased...my bad. 

You are the Seer, the indwelling being; you are the one who knows you are there. Michael Singer

 All is well!

Michael A. Singer/ Letting Go (February, 2024) Coming to Peace with Your Heart and Mind. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egzp65HXa6E

Thich Nhat Hanh/ Plum Village App. (2020) Calm-Ease. Guided Meditation by Thich Nhat Hanh. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHvtIcaD194

I Am Thee

 

I came to see my beloved.

The doors were closed.

I knocked,

and a voice came from inside.

"Who art thou?"

"I am so and so"

The door was not opened.

A second time I came

and I knocked.

I was asked the same question, 

and gave I the same answer.

The door opened not. 

I came a third time,

and the same question came. 

I answered,

"I am thee, my love." 

and the door opened.

Translation of an ancient persian poem offered by Vivekananda. Complete Works, Kindle Edition 

Relax and Release

[Samskara] That is a resisted event that didn't make it through you...anything that disturbs you [as a self concept] you stored it. ...

If you want to know the nature of consciousness...don't leave. Let go [of the object of consciousness]. 

The only way to find the nature of Self is by being there. When you feel you are being drawn down into the object of consciousness...let go. That is how you maintain the seat of consciousness...don't leave. You in that there that is being pulled down into that stuff...relax and release. 

Michael A. Singer

All is well

Michael A. Singer/Temple of the Universe( February 19, 2024) The Source of Consciousness. https://tou.org/talks/

A Spoke in a Wheel

Like Dante's Wings

Like Dante's wings.

moved not by his own will 

but by the same love 

that moves the sun 

and starry fires,

in the perfect revolution

of an invisible wheel,

...

I breathe,

I move,

I.

 as one spoke,

am. 

That is my purpose.

© Dale-Lyn (pen), February, 2024

Inspired by : 

But my own wings were not for such a flight, except that smiling through the mind of me, there came fulfillment in a flash of light. That my volition now , and my desires, were moved like wheel revolving evenly,  by love that moves the sun and starry fires.

Divine Comedy, Paradiso 33...Dante Alighieri ( one translation as recited by Alan Watts in https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IGgGQZth08)

Note: Of course, Dante lived and wrote this in the early 1300's before Copernicus discovered that it was not the sun moving around the earth, but the earth moving around the sun.

All is well.

Working the Pause, Part Three

 You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Two big words in this quote: "Stop" and "Look". When we are working the pause...we are stopping, stepping back, and then looking deeply into what is showing up in our experience. We are not resisting any of it by pushing away or down. When it comes to fear...our healing involves being willing to stop our running, sit in stillness, and look at it in the face. 

And...

We need to know how to work the pause....

The most important thing we can do when it comes to working the pause is relax.  Relaxation is the opposite of resistance.  Without resistance there would be no reactivity. So the moment we feel stimulated and triggered...we do what we can to relax.  Please know that we are not asking the samskaras and their associated sensations, feelings, and thoughts to relax...we are not expecting that the anxiety or the  discomfort go away. Our intention is that we, as the Objective Observer, do the relaxing as we observe and experience what is happening in this pause.  We can mentally or physically step back from the trigger, take a few deep breaths, close our eyes for a microsecond, encourage muscle groups in the body to relax, reframe the situation in a positive way or do a mantra like "I can handle this !" Then we make clear conscious choices for action or non-action. This also doesn't mean we continue to endure an unhealthy  external situation, that we do not do what can be done to change the situation if it is called for. It just means that instead of flying into an action that didn't come from a healthy place, we choose what step to take next from a healthy place.

Hopefully, we have done some practicing  in relaxing and working the pause in non triggering times. Amongst daily meditation and mindfulness practice, I encourage the frequent practice of Progressive Muscle Relaxation. PMR can help us distinguish between resistant/ tense and relaxed body sensations. A frequent and regular  practice can help us to truly relax in the face of a real trigger. 

In that space, above all else...Relax.

 All will be well! 

All is well!

Springing and Pouring Forth: Don't Close

 Man is like an infinite spring, coiled up in a small box, and that spring is trying to unfold itself; and all the social phenomena that we see the result of this trying to unfold. All the competitions and struggles and evils that we see around us are neither the causes of these unfoldments, nor the effects. As one of our great philosophers says- in the case of irrigation of a field, the tank is somewhere upon a higher level, and the water is trying to rush into the field, and is barred by a gate. But as soon as the gate is opened, the water rushes in by its own nature; and if there is dust and dirt in the way, the water rolls over them. But the dust and the dirt [our stored stuff from life events?] are neither the result nor the cause of this unfolding of the divine nature of man. They are coexistent circumstances, and therefore can be remedied. 

Vivekananda, Location 7398

What the fork, crazy lady?

Those words captured my attention today when I breezed through what I have highlighted so far from this massive read, The Complete Works of Vivekananda.I was looking for something that echoed what I heard today from Michael Singer and what echoed what was floating around in my mind about keeping the pause/the space between stimuli and our habitual tendency to react as spacious and pure as possible. 

So far in my discussions about the pause, I haven't said a lot about what it is meant to be like, have I? This is what I have come to understand about this space. This pause , this space is the timeless present moment, the here and now. It is presence.  It is stillness. It is who we are at our essence. 

This pause is supposed to be pure, empty, spacious. It is supposed to be clean enough so we can see the divinity that is there beneath the dust and dirt we have collected.  It is meant to be open enough ( with no gates of will barring it shut) so the purifying, hydrating, and life giving flow of Shakti can pour through it. 

Who we are as "human", who we are as "being" (a reflection of the divine) meanwhile are all coiled up in a tight container of the mind...trying to unfold bit by bit, attempting to grow. We are not okay in this constraining box but we are doing whatever we can to be okay. We react and those reactions are simply the result, not of our natural need to unfold, but of our trying to be okay all coiled up. We may be unfolding bit by bit, but we are holding back our springing forth nature. We are trying to make this box comfortable instead of just opening up the top so we can spring out and be free...like the water that flows into the field when the gate is opened. We are longing for this freedom...this purification and hydration a free flowing Shakti can give us. 

What the heck does that have to do with anything Michael Singer talked about today in his podcast? 

Michael Singer is always talking about "not closing". Most of us are closing in reaction to what Life is handing us. This closing is resistance in its ultimate form and this leads to all types of reactivity, and therefore the creation of unfavorable social phenomenon.  Our gates, our staying coiled up, our refusal to have the top of the box opened...is our resistance to the reality of what Life gives us and who we are. We are not the dust and dirt in the dry field. We are not the rusty, aching bends and knots in the springs.  We are the tanks up on higher ground looking down.  We are the uncoiled springs. We are meant for light and spaciousness yet we stay coiled up into these little human dilemmas. We are not okay inside because we live by the dust and dirt we accumulate [our samskaras] rather than the Shakti waiting to pour through us if we would only keep that gate opened. 

Open the top of the box we are in and what happens?  We uncoil and unfold from the contracted position we were in. We have room to expand and grow.  We embrace the light. We are free.

Open the gate of the irrigation field, and what happens? The water of Shakti rushes in...the dirt and debris we were holding onto is flushed away...We are hydrated, cleansed, purified and engulfed in the joy, peace, love and bliss Shakti is. 

We just need to realize that what most of us do, how most of us process through life is not the way to go. We have to realize we are not okay inside with all this dirt and debris or this cramped up coiled position. We have to realize that we  are doing the blocking with our stuffing and storing. We have to realize that we really don't want it this way.  We have to realize that it doesn't have to be this way.  We have to realize who we really are. We have to realize that we were meant to spring forth into light...to be immersed in Shakti. We have to realize we are responsible for holding the top of the box closed and the gate shut. 

....And we have to be willing not to close.

Hmmm! All is well in my world. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the universe. ( February 18, 2024) Learning Not to Close. https://tou.org/talks/

The Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda (1989) Kindle Edition

Practicing Releasing During the Pause

If we practice and are able to release, we can be free and happy right now, today. If we can't let go, we will suffer not only on the day when we're finally forced to do so, but right now today and everyday day in between, because fear[and shame] will constantly be stalking us. 

Thich Nhat Hanh, page 35

I am reflecting on two samskaras that arise from deep inside me, for investigation purposes, when I attempt to expand that pause that exists between my realization of what Life is giving me and what I tend to do about it ( mentally, physically, or energetically). Both samskaras are wrapped in the emotional charge of fear and shame. 

Let's look at a couple of equations that may help us to understand our own growth and evolution, before we explore what is going on in "me":

A Stimuli - an Extended Pause= A  Reflex, or a Reaction ( unconscious, potentially unhealthy action for self or others. Leading to "negative" consequence /karma.)

A Stimuli + An Extended Pause= Response (conscious, clear action or nonaction that does not lead to harm for self or other...little to no "negative" consequence/karma))

Samskara Observation

When Life hands me something that is a bit challenging...a stimuli that triggers some old stored stuff within me...I am really trying hard to slow down my reaction time, as part of my yoga practice. I am fully aware of the potential for reactivity. I am aware, now, of that tendency I have to jump into some unconscious action ( a physical deed, a thought stream, an emotional pit, or a negative energy flow) that potentially may not be healthy for me or others. I have made a strong commitment to "work the pause"  before I "do" anything. In that pause I am now stepping back, breathing, and observing objectively, as best as I can. I am taking time to observe  the stimuli itself, the habit  pull I have to react a certain way, and, most importantly, I am observing all that is coming up from inside me that I would normally avoid or do anything to push back down below conscious awareness. My samskaras! I know that this stored stuff and my habit tendency to want to resist and avoid experiencing it, is greatly responsible for my reactions in the past. I know my reactivity, my resistance to the stimuli and what the stimuli triggers is keeping me stuck in a karmic loop. As long as I am stuck in this loop, I am not healing or growing.  I will not heal or grow until these samskaras are released and there is nothing inside me left to be triggered by stimuli. 

So what emotional charges are coming up the most?

Shame and Its Derivatives

Though I have released so much "shame" already,  there is still an underlying force field of it  in me, that is easily triggered by life events...the "stimuli" in this equation. That shame is more of a guilty feeling now and it borders on remorse.  Remorse, some teachers say, is healthier than guilt.  Remorse is equated with empathy...feeling the pain our actions may cause other people. When we feel the hurt we knowingly or unknowingly inflict with our actions, we are more likely to learn and grow from it...making other healthier choices in the future. Remorse serves the higher Self. Guilt, on the other hand,  is the  uncomfortable feeling we get when we believe we are not meeting social expectations, when we are displeasing others, therefore not serving our own egos or other egos.  Guilt serves the ego. There is a big difference between hurting others ( and hurting our Selves karmically by hurting others)  and not meeting  unhealthy ego needs. One is an emotion of compassion, the other is an emotion of self deprecation. 

Both remorse and guilt are derivatives of shame.  Shame is a deep sense of not being good enough.  In shame, it is not so much what we "do" that is deemed as being wrong or bad but who we are that is. The original wounding, with all its messaging about our inadequacies, whether it be something that happened in our life span or something we are carrying from our ancestor,  will remain  as raw  and tender as it was in the beginning...until we heal it.  Most of us, do not work to heal our shame.  We do whatever we can to keep it down from conscious awareness. We carry a samskara of shame whether we know it or not.  

I have been investigating my own shame for years and have developed enough awareness and understanding of it, that I have been able to release a great deal. I am truly healing and there is less inside me to be triggered by Life's stimuli. Don't get me wrong.  I still have a lot left to heal...I am still reacting...In fact, just today I was reflecting on the guilt I was feeling over the possibility of not pleasing my employers by choosing my health over being more available for them. I was so aware that teh people pleasing tendency was still there and that I feel guilt when I don't meet the expectations others have for me. but the more I practice, the more I am releasing.  I am more likely  to feel remorse for my unwholesome reactions than shame or guilt, and  therefore I am more conscious to respond rather than react.  I am working the pause. 

Fear

Fear has always been the greatest samskara within me...the one thing that leads to a great deal of reflexing and reacting. (As it is for many of us). Not only  have I been scarred, as we all were to various degrees,  by what the Buddha called the "original fear"of our birth ( Hanh, page 8), I carry with me the fears of my ancestors. (My parents and grandparents have had to endure a lot). Past trauma has also left me with a very overactive amygdala. I therefore desire safety over everything else and I seldom feel "safe" enough. Deeply stuffed fear wounding, then, is easily triggered by the stimulus of Life events.  I believe fear is the biggest aggravator, if not the cause,  of my current health issues...especially this thing in my gut. 

Working the pause, because it so often pulls us into a reflex, is a bit more challenging when it comes to fear. Yet, I am determined to expand the pause between the time Life presents a stimuli I would normally react to with fear and my reaction. And I am really observing my fear, calling it up even, sitting with it.respecting it, and honoring it.  I find myself saying, "Oh you are back fear.  I can feel you in my gut and that desire habit I have to run from you. I am not going to  follow you blindly  into reactivity though...not this time. I am just going to sit with you, get to know you a bit better without any judgement or blame. I want to understand why you are here and where you came from. I want to give you a way out through the front door when you are ready too.  No pressure.  Just want you to know you have a way out. "  I am working the pause. This creates a completely different experience.

Anyway, how I ramble.

All is well in my world.

Thich Nhat Hanh (2012) Fear. New York: Harper One

Great Teachers on Getting Rid of Your Stuffed Stuff!

 It is always beneficial to be near a spiritual teacher. These masters are like gardens or medicinal plants, sanctuaries of wisdom. In the presence of a realized master, you will rapidly attain enlightenment. In the presence of an erudite scholar, you will acquire great knowledge. In the presence of a great meditator,  spiritual experience will dawn in your mind. In the presence of a bodhisattva, your compassion will expand, just as an ordinary log placed next to a log of sandalwood becomes saturated, little by little, with its presence.

Dilgo Khyentse. 

Hmm! That is a beautiful passage, a sweet compelling argument for seeking out a guru as is the tradition for many Eastern wisdom practices.  I, in my western skepticism, however, am still a bit skeptical about guru seeking and devotteeship. I watched too many cult shows, I guess. Still I do seek and discover great teachers as I progress along this path.

Whenever I hear Michael Singer speak I have this sense of connecting with someone in the most inexplicable way.  It is like the epitome of "like-mindedness"...I just feel we are on the same level. I totally get what he is saying and I believe he would totally get what I am saying.  (Does that make me sound grandiose? Not my intention.)  So much of what I write here comes after I listen to his podcasts. His message and delivery inspires a sense of knowing already in me. At the same time, so much of what he speaks about seems to come after I write or speak about a certain topic or idea. I am fully aware that he doesn't have a clue, on this green earth, that I exist and that I am writing this blog. We just seem to be on the same  wavelength of thought somehow( No ...I am not speaking about anything "woo-woo" like telepathy) ... We just think so much alike at the same time. It could be that we are both yogis, and that we both studied and practiced ancient teachings.  I don't know...but the term "kindred spirit" comes to mind. The first time I read a page of his thoughts, it was a,"Aha! I get you!" 

Say what, crazy lady? He is a well known spiritual teacher and you are not.  You are thinking pretty highly of yourself aren't you?

No...it is isn't that I am thinking highly of myself.  I am aware that I am not in that league of external notoriety he is in. I have yet to publish anything acclaimed and there is a good chance I never will. I accept that and the more I grow the less I desire this notoriety. Fame and fortune are not motivating me to learn or share my learning. I am not attracted to either.  Nor am I attracted to teachers who have or need such things.  In fact, if anything, I am more inclined to shy away from so called "gurus"  for that reason. Humility touches me more than anything else.

I do not see him or any other living being as my "guru". Even though I listen to every podcast, and learn so much from him I can't call him my guru. I mean...he is a great teacher in my mind. When I listen I take notes, reflect upon what he said, and I take his messages deeper by reviewing the ancient teachings related to what he is saying or by reviewing more contemporary stuff like poetry, great literature, psychology, philosophy, and science that also echo the same messages in one way or another.  Most importantly, I practice what he teaches!   He inspires me to learn more about my yoga practice. For that reason, I respect his teachings and his mission. I have been practicing what he teaches, though,  long before I ever knew he existed. When he came into my life...unbeknownst to him, he gave what I was doing more context and meaning. I truly appreciate that.  Still...I don't call him my guru. Actually when I reflect on what I get from him there is little to no "my". It feels more like a yogi to yogi thing. Maybe? I really don't know what that connection I feel is. I do consider him a great teacher. 

Is he the only teacher that you listen to or read and to whom you feel connected? 

No, there are many, many teachers in my life. Few of them are still breathing. :) One great late teacher who so perfectly fits the above quoted description was/is Thich Nhat Hanh. 

I have also been inspired by Eckhart Tolle whom I knew longer( in the reader/learner sense) than both Thich Nhat Hanh and Michael Singer. Strangely, his message didn't click with me on the intellectual level when I first read him way back in 2007? I was studying ACIM at the time not knowing that he was once a teacher of that as well.  (ACIM was also way over my head when I first began to study it. )  Something deeper within me connected with his teachings though...otherwise I wouldn't have kept reading. I couldn't conceptually understand what he was saying at that point of my learning.  It wasn't until half way through his first book that I had that "aha!" moment where intellect caught up with higher Self and I "got it!" I really got it!  Then I was able to grasp with eye opening realization the teachings in A Course in Miracles as well. Eck. hart Tolle is partly responsible for one of the biggest steps I took in my spiritual evolution

I do not think of him as my guru either though.  An important teacher in my life for sure...but not a guru.  I have hundreds and hundreds of pages of notes from what I learned from him ( as I do of Michael Singer's and Thich Nhat Hanh's teachings). I do value his teaching and him as a fellow human being very much. 

So I digress: Back to what I learned from these three wise men on the importance of "Getting Rid of Your Stuffed Stuff". I have been trying to articulate what I mean about expanding the pause between what Life gives us and our recativity...in order to delay and eventually get rid of reactivity all together. We need to acknowledge that which is holding us back...our samskaras, our stuffed stuff.  As serendipity often does, it led me to these three teachers and their teaching about the need to be free and spacious inside. The following  is an example of what I do when I am listening. I take notes. Most of this will be paraphrased.

From Michael Singer:

• There are three states humans can live in. The first sate is one of non well being -" I am depressed.  I am not well.  I am not happy in this life". The second, is a state of conditional well being- "dependent on conditions matching my expectations and desires"...And the third is a state few of us know about: unconditional well being -feeling and experiencing everything with ups and downs but accepting and honoring all of it...finding beauty and joy  in everything.
• Psychiatry [and psychology] don't even believe that unconditional well being can exist. They focus on working with the conditional well being.
• Unconditional well being is what the yogis work to attain and teach
• That unconditional state of well being exists inside us
• 1.3 million earths fit inside the sun...the sun is one of a few billion stars in this galaxy and there are trillions of galaxies...yet we are busy focusing on "me and my drama".
• Most of us are not okay inside. We want to be okay inside. Mind is always thinking about creating or recreating situations that we  stored the memories of inside so we can be okay, or we do what we can to avoid recreating those things that made us the opposite of okay.
• There is a state of total well being inside us already
• There is a difference between remorse which leads to learning and growth and guilt which leads to shame and constraint.
• "your consciousness is on the wrong side of these blockages"
• What we resist persists.
• Samskara: a pattern of energy stored inside
• We let that thing that happened fifty years ago to a five year old determine our life.
• "unless you let that stuff go...and you become open and clean...you will not interact with the present moment"
• We are not the psyche but that which watches the psyche=the sum of learned experiences
• All decisions are based on how it makes us feel=how it matches our insides= how it matches our blockages= preferences in conditional well being living.
• preferences
• We have all the conditions we need to be happy already inside us[ The Buddha taught this in many of His sutras].
• When we live unconditionally we are living to simply express the unconditioned within us...joy for joy's sake...love for love's sake.
• It gets nicer and nicer as we let go of our stuffed stuff. We get higher and higher and more and more living with unconditional well being takes place.
• We need to practice letting go...of the stuff that happens outside that we normally react to 
• [Letting go of our reactivity is expanding or working the pause...stop storing more and allowing the store stuff to come up and eventually we let go of that.]
• The sun is 93 million miles away and we can feel its heat. Wow! That's amazing yet we complain about it being too hot.
• When we can handle the stuff outside and we are not shoving stuff down on top of it...the stuff on the inside will start coming up
• [I feel the fear coming up...my belly especially...feel the energy there.]
• instead of saying, These are the conditions where I can be okay", how about saying, There are no conditions"?....Use every situation from life to let go of yourself...let go of the me =growth
• Every single experience is your teacher; ..pulling you down into your stuff but eventually it will pull you up away from yourself.
• Anything is doing better than doing something that doesn't work

From Thich Nhat Hanh:

• ...if we bury worries and anxieties in our consciousness, they continue to affect us and bring us more sorrow. page 2
• To be mindful means to look deeply, to touch our true nature of interbeing and recognize that nothing is ever lost. page 2
• Understanding the origins of our anxieties and fears will help us to let go of them. page 4
• if you make a habit of mindfulness practice, when difficulties arise, you'll already know what to do. page 6
• When we suppress our fearful thoughts, thy continue to fester there in the dark. We are driven to consume (food, alcohol, movies etc.) in an attempt and to keep those thoughts from resurfacing in our conscious mind. Running away from our fear ultimately makes us suffer and makes others suffer, and our feras only grow stronger. page 31
• The Buddha taught that when we call up and get in touch with the truth...our fear -and the foolish things we do to try not to feel it-will cease. We no longer act out our fears unconsciously and fuel the cycle that makes them grow even stronger. page 31
• Death is a reality we have to confront...Our defense mechanism pushes us to forget; we don't want to hear about it.But in the back of our minds, the fear of Death is always there, pushing on us. page 31
• If we practice and are able to release, we can be free and happy right now, today. If we can't let go, we will suffer not only on the day when we are finally forced to do so, but right now today and every day in between, because fearwill be constantly stalking us. page 35

From Eckhart Tolle: 

• Inner resistance always pulls you back into unconscious doing
• "I am never upset for the reasons I think I am" ( Lesson 5, ACIM)
• Stillness is a return journey to Source/ Acting and Doing is a backing away from Source...We need to create harmony between the two :
• Let the person become transparent to the Light of Consciousness
• Stillness happens without the traditional sense of doing
• Be a nobody...be a presence...Our ultimate goal is to shed the person
• A "frequency holder" doesn't have to do anything but embody presence
• Judging others as not being enough, gives ego a false sense of superiority

Hmmm! All is well.

Thich Nhat Hanh (2012) Fear. New York: Harper One

Michael A. Singer/Temple of the Universe ( February 16, 2024) Attaining Unconditional Well Being.https://tou.org/talks/

Eckhart Tolle (January, 2024) New Year, New Goal: Eckhart Tolle on Transforming Desire into Fulfillment. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rGipsgBfQY&t=5s