The Body: A Means Not An End

The body can bring you neither peace or turmoil; neither joy nor pain. It is a means and not an end. It has no purpose of itself, but only what is given to it. The body will seem to be whatever is the means for reaching the goal you assign to it.   

ACIM: Chapter 19: B:i:5-7

I awoke experiencing pain...not the same I was writing about in a previous entry.  This is the cyst causing this pain experience, I think.  This particular pain is there every morning when I wake up in varying degrees.  This morning it is a little more intense than before probably because of the bout of diverticulitis I assume I went through the other day and that still lingers a bit. I catch myself labelling it as "Super annoying!" and I look up again, "Man, didn't I have enough pain the other day? Why do I have to deal with this?"

 When I do that and say that to myself, I feel myself closing up to it in resistance.  I am tensing up around it.  I am emotionally tense.  I begin the story telling about how long it has been there (since 2017) and that nothing will likely ever get done about it or the other things, and I am too tired to fight to get something done about anything going on in this body.etc etc etc. (...a thousand little violins playing all over the world lol. Yep, this is self pity at its best.) 

So, when I realized where I was heading, I decided to take the focus off of "little me" and this body by doing a Tonglen practice.  I decided to do a meditation that I recorded a few years ago and had offered on this blog.  I went to that entry and lo and behold...there was a long winded tale there as well about the pain and health seeking experience of this human I call me. Crazy!  I was so embarrassed. Everytime I see myself going off on a tangent about my physical woes I get so embarrassed. "This isn't spiritual", I tell myself. "You sound like a hypochondriac.  No wonder why people can't take you seriously. Stay stoic and strong like you are tough and can handle all this pain. Don't let others see you sweat it out! Man, what is wrong with you?" 

I told myself that when I got up...I would revise, edit, or delete all that rambling to create an appearance of me as a stoic, strong human being. 

So, attention goes from pain...to the thought that I need to do something about it through external validation and care...to the story about the past ( health seeking experiences where I felt shamed for speaking out about the pain)....to fear about about a future of always having this pain and what will happen to this body...to awareness of a giving up....to self reprimand for even writing about or sharing out loud that I have pain and frustration...to shame and embarrassment.  And from there to a desire to redeem myself by pretending to be more stoic than I am when it comes to my body's complaints.  And all this in a matter of seconds!!! lol This is what my mind does whenever I experience pain. It feel like a knee-jerk reflex.

Eventually, I will pull myself back enough to fall into an acceptance and I will deal. Lately, I have been quick to recognize and catch myself slipping into this but some mornings it takes a little longer to get to this point. 

I definitely do not want to limit my awareness to this body or its experiences but I am guessing there is something I am supposed to learn from them; there is something I am to  explore  about my reaction to pain.  That is what it is...a reaction.  

The question, then, is not so much, "What is wrong with my/this body?" or "What am I supposed to do about it?" when awareness of pain arises...  as much as it is, "Why do I keep reacting this way to pain in the body?" 

I know I can handle pain. I have a basic idea of what is going on physiologically when I have these pain experiences so I no longer need to be told by others or validated for my experience like I used to be. I am not afraid of whatever the future holds for me in this body once I get past the automatic reactivity. I know I am not this body and I am not afraid of it dying. 

Why do I write about it then?

I am sure no one wants to hear about this human's experience of pain. BORING!! Though there is great learning in it for this "me", it is truly insignificant.  This body is an amazing vessel and I am so lucky to have this one...and I want and need to look after it. I do not, however, have to be obsessed with it or worried about what might happen to it. That is where the shareable learning comes in.

When I have pain and am not extra careful to  transmute it...this reaction carrries me away very quickly. I imagine many others also have reactivity based on their own unique experiences of past pain. I am, it appears, still very much trapped and entangled in a story. Are you? There is a big samskara stored in this "me" regarding past experiences. I do not wish to  be constantly pulled into a reaction that takes me away from the Seat of clarity and presence I work so hard to stay in. I bet you don't want that for yourself either. Hmm!

 Love and acceptance for the experience of the body is so, so different than a fear based clinging. I am at the point where I am truly learning to love and accept the body and its experience without a lot of attachment or aversion, but personal mind will still on occassion get tripped up by this samskara in me. If I am not mindful...it will carry this "me" into a fear story. I need to allow for the release of this samskara...as well as all other samskaras in here.

Every physical pain experience is doing us a favor.  It is triggering past wounding...allowing it to come to the surface to be dealt with and released. The pain is one thing, reactivity and resistance is another.  It is reactivity and resistance that turn pain into suffering. We may not have much control, as human beings, over some of the things going on in the body and the experience of pain it might lead to, but we get decide if that pain becomes suffering.  

I have decided not to suffer. So I appreciate my pain and am grateful for how it can help me to "truly" cleanse and heal. 

That sounds strange I know but I see it all so clearly.

All is well in my world. 

Acceptance: The Most Effective Analgesic

 Acepting pain can be difficult. It's just better than the alternative, which is to live in a state of perpetual suffering.

Vidymala Burch and Danny Penman

Didn't go to work today.  Up most of the night with abdominal pain, fever, and chills.  It might be the stomach bug that made its way around to this body, or it could be a bout of diverticulitis.  Thinking it is the later only because of the nature of the pain. It remains in a much subtler form. Figure we will know in time. If the same pain comes back to that intensity again this evening...I will venture that my guess is right. 

Judging Progress Through the Pain Experience 

Regardless of what it is, I always see "progress", if that makes sense, when I watch this human I call "me" experience physical pain. (Are you finding my referring to me in that way a little 'strange' ?  It started out as strange to me too but it makes perfect sense to 'this human I call me" now lol). 

The pain, last evening and during the night, came in waves, as pain often does, with crests and troughs and periods of peace in between each wave. Sometimes the waves were pretty small and sometimes they were quite large scoring 9/10's on the pain scale bending me forward. It felt like I might pass out during a couple of those waves. I even had thoughts during those big waves, "This might be the end of me...maybe it is good if it is the end of me...this pain would be too much to bear over a space of time." The pain experience was intense, to say the least.

Realizing we are not the pain, or the body experiencing the pain

I realized fully, though I was distracted by the pain, that I was not the pain...that it was just an experience this human was having, temporarily taking me from the peaceful nature of who I really am. I was distracted but it was very understandable as to why I was distracted. Yet, I didn't get lost in the distraction.  There were a few moments of resistance, for sure, but I was able to bring myself back to acceptance pretty quickly.  

The "I" as Pain Coach

I (whoever this "I" is- higher consciousness, the Self, the field of energy from which all things emerge...I do not bloody know lol) was able to not only observe the pain but  was able to participate in it from a Seat of awareness with out getting lost in it. "I" was there during the whole experience. I was like a coach coaching this human form with calm reassuring encouragement..."Breathe...Okay the pain is cresting. Relax the body, breathe....breathe. It will subside.  It will pass, it will pass. There it is troughing...relax, relax until the next one."  I went like that through hours of rounds.  And finally the pain subsided and I was able to fall and stay asleep for hours at a time.

The Old, Habitual Way of Dealing with Pain

I am fully aware that if I were to have gotten  lost in that pain last evening, became all absorbed by it, identified with it and the body once again which was my previous normal human reaction to pain; if I were to "resist" the experience, the pain would have been even worse than it was. I probably would have passed out, and I might have ended up in the ER. I dealt with the pain without closing to it! That is a sign of progress.

Acceptance of the Unpleasant Doesn't Mean Not Getting Help For It

Do not get me wrong.  That was not an enjoyable experience. Not at all.  It was NASTY!  I do not want to have to repeat it again but if this is what I think it is, I know I will have to eventually...if not tonight, I will have to deal with it during another bout in the future. I do not close to that reality.  I accept and honor that reality. It is what it is; it will be what it will be.

I am also not saying that one should endure such pain without seeking medical intervention. Not at all.  I am still really not sure what that was last night or if it even required sometype of medical intervention.  I was just willing to take the chance and wait it out. I do have a nursing background to base such decisions on. If it didn't go away I would have gone in. I am also truly realizing I am not this body and what is happening to it is not necessarily happening to that which I am ( whatever that is). That is where I am in my understanding of things. I honestly do not fear death. That being said, if I were to witness another experiencing what I experienced during those high waves of intense pain, I would have strongly encouraged them to get help. I would never have encouraged someone else to take the chance I took...to use the intense pain experience as a part of their practice. We need to remember that pain is an urgent communication from the body that something needs attention.

Practicing Acceptance with Mild Pain Experiences

I would, however, encourage others to use mild pain experiences as part of their practice. I started with Charlie Horses which were once considered the "vain of my existence".  I get Charlie horses all the time and at one point in my life, I almost lived in fear of them.They friggin hurt!  As soon as I got the first sign of a cramp in the soul of my foot and the toes started to spread I would panic and begin stomping up and down on my foot. The pain would shoot up my calf , up the back of my leg and right to my hip. All muscles would become rigid with resistance.  It would last sometimes for five minutes or more. All absorbing.

I decided one day to stay open, instead of closing to the experience; to allow the pain experience of a Charlie Horse, instead of resist it; to relax into it, instead of further tensing up against it. Wow! What a game changer. When I felt the pain starting, I learnt to take a deep breath and encourage the rest of my body to relax. "Breathe...breathe...breathe. Relax, relax, relax." When I relaxed the pain experience relaxed.  It doesn't go away completely but it diminished significantly and it lasts for only a few seconds now. Amazing. 

I used the accepting and relaxing technique during bouts of angina...the pain didn't go away and I still needed to take the nitro at times but it was much more doable and less intense.  The fear of such attacks went away. ( Note ...the type of angina I have is less likly to result in a heart attack than other types of angina...I would not recommend using this for angina.) 

When I stub my toe, or burn my finger...I use this technique and it is like wow! So much easier to cope with.

The Key is Non-Resistance

What turns physical pain, or any type of pain be it physical, mental or emotional into suffering is resistance.  Resistance increases tension which increases pain.  Resistance to what is...is the main cause of suffering. Pain isn't suffering. Pain just is.  Resistance to pain is suffering. Acceptance than is the antedote. 

We need to hear pain, listen to it, check out what it is telling us, and deal with its cause but we do not need to make it worse by resisting it.

All is well. 

Languishing: The "Neglected Middle Child of Mental Health" Is Still Crying for Attention

 Part of the danger is that when you are languishing you might not see the dulling of delight or the dwindling of drive. You don't catch yourself slipping slowly into solitude; you're indifferent to your own indifference. ...The neglected middle child of mental health can dull your motivation and focus-and it may be the dominant emotion of 2021.

Adam Grant

Languishing, as well as flourishing, was a psychological term that became popular when COVID was forcing the world to isolate.  I heard and studied this phenonemna in a Psychology certificate course I took during my own isolation, offered by PhD psychologists (and Matthieu Ricard)  from all over the world. 

It isn't 2021 anymore, is it? Yet, here I am with an experience of languishing. Even though the pandemic is all over, I am observing this human I call "me" endure a "felt experience"(Annaka Harris)  of  a dulling of delight and a dwindling of drive. Hmm! I want to look at this languishing in very objective terms for I am sure I am not the only one out there experiencing post-pandemic languishing. Am I? I also want to relate it the awakening process for I know in my heart that my sense of languishing is aggravated or confused by a consciousness that is beginning to see itself, and at the same time my awakening process is being intensified and confused by this languishing... they are intermingled.

Yesterday, a poem came out of me with vivid imagery I didn't really see or understand until the words were on paper.   In that piece, as imperfect as it was poetic wise, was a very strong visual message.  I spoke to my artist daughter afterwards to clarify that image. The poem depicted a pocket watch( me as form, I guess) with a cracked and creased face (age and scars from the trials of life)bobbing up and down in a muddy puddle as many people above walked over it ...not seeing it...not hearing how it was malfunctioning with a second hand that could not keep up with the rest of the world. It had the experience of slowly becoming waterlogged (weighed down by life and the movement of other beings over it) with the fear of drowning. The subjective "felt experience" of the watch was that it was very aware that something was broken within it but was unsure what it was. It was also aware that it wasn't keeping up and  that its "malfunction" (imperfect doing) was something no one else would notice. It was suffering.

It was also slowing down to experience this suffering and the rest of the world was still moving so fast. There was this great distancing between what it was now doing and what the rest of the world was doing that it felt like there must be something very wrong with it. (This happens alot  when we begin the awakening process doesn't it?  We don't know if or how we fit in.) 

It was not quite sure how it got there in the muddy puddle (suffering) but it knows it must have fallen from the pocket comfort zone of one of those fast moving people above it, through a hole that was always there....meaning it was bound to happen at some point, there was bound to be a detachment from the comfortable idea of who it thought it was, from the "person". (The faster we move with this hole in us the more we will detach from what is important ... this watch is very, very important to a sense of being). 

I visualized afterwards that most of the image was in monochrome with the exception of a butterfly and a lotus flower floating around in the puddle with it. The colorful butterfly represents a hopeful view of Life and a freedom that we cannot seem to keep up with when we are still focusing on body. The lotus flower represents a true freedom from suffering...a way to be here without the need to be "fixed" in the old ways and without the need of human rescue tendency. What is needed is not an escape from suffering, a return to old human habits. What is needed is awakening.

That is what came out through me yesterday when I felt the need to write a poem.  I really didn't see these images until after the poem was written.  It is so cool how that works. When the "me"we all identify with gets out of the way, a creativity can flow through us that is so amazingly wise and visual. There is always a message for this "me" in what I write, even if it takes days to understand it.

This little poem clarified the experience of languishing both pre-awakening and during awakening. In the busy world of fast moving people with their dirty boots...which I was a part of for most of my life...there is definitely a suffering but alot of that suffering is supressed and repressed as we stay busy out there and don't look down into the suffering self ( the samskaras etc). . There is definitely a feeling of discontent but we spend our lives trying to "escape" it....run from it, numb from it, deny it, or pretend it isn't there.  The languishing is getting lost in that momentum.  In the early awakening world experience...we slip down or make teh choice to go down into that suffering we were previously running from.  There is no escape route. We admit to suffering. We slow down and it seems like we are malfunctioning but it through that slowing down, that settling into the suffering experience that we find the only way out which is through.  This poem not only depicted the human experience of languishing to me, it showed the way out. 

Your home base is what you identify with.

Michael A. Singer

I am languishing both up here in the busy world and being down here in the muddy puddle. Since these are still the early stages I, as consciousness, still go back and forth between these experiences, offering two different types of languishing.  Life feels pretty crappy right now. This human I call me really doesn't like it. The world (and its events) is rainy, dark, and I have to splash through a lot of puddles.  A lot of movement is required and nothing seems to be getting "done" and I am not going anywhere.  This is languishing. Where I am when I slip back into awakening is not pleasant either. I go from being a person running around in my dirty boots to being a non-self within this clump of matter...a broken clock ( still in this form but aware that I am not this "me" and really not sure what I am suppose to do down here to contribute to the world). This too is languishing.

You are no longer identified with ego but you are identified with being the one that is watching the ego.

How did I get here?

There was always this hole in my so called comfort zone of "me". The "me" is this thing I worked so hard to create and maintain so I could keep up with the human momentum. Yet it was lined with holes. The more I moved and felt the struggle...the more likely something was going to slip through one of these holes.  It did. The clock, which represents time of course, aging, and the vital life force (prana...beating of the heart) slipped through that hole and landed in the puddle.  The focus of  consciousness then was moved from being lost in the busy momentum of life to staring up and watching everything in a colorless way. I went from a "felt experience" of being conditionally up only because I was keeping up with the rest of the world-something that took so much of my energy and broke me a bit, to another "felt experience" of being down in the suffering that has always been there, recognizing a certain brokenness, a certain malfunction, as I look up at the world I was once blinded by. There is no colour in that world and I realize that I no longer want to be saved by it. 

The lotus flower represents the true rescue.  What is the true rescue? Awakening, of course. So what  I am praying for is a little support while I awaken (the threads of the lotus roots cradling me to help me deal with this the suffering and the fear of drowning). I want to find peace where I am, as I languish until I heal.  

This languishing down here in the muddy puddle of discontent, though it seems so awful...is actually not a bad thing.  It is where I need to be to get the rescue I really need.

What practical thing did I get from all that?

I need to meditate more.  Go figure.

All is well. 

Adam Grant (Decemeber 3, 2021) There is a Name for the Blah You're Feeling:It's Called Languishing. New York Times.

Annaka Harris (2019) Conscious: A Brief Guide to the Fundamental Mystery of the Mind. Harper

Corey Keyes (2024 ) Languishing: How to Feel Alive Again in a World that Lets Us Down. Crown.

Michael A. Singer/Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( February 17th, 2025) The Mind is Not the Problem: Identifying With It Is. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKv8ikOvstg&t=1374s

Experience Itself

 Our experiince of consciousness is so intrinsic to who we are, we rarely notice that something mysterious is going on. Consciousness is experience itself, and it is therefore easy to miss the profound question staring us in the face in each moment: Why would any collection of matter in the universe be conscious? 

Annaka Harris, Conscious: A Brief Guide to the Fundamental Mystery of the Mind.

Discovered a new book I want to read.

Stormed in here in my part of the world. Lots and lots of snow. :) Hope you are cozy and warm wherever you might be.

All is well!

Languishing? Experiencing "Low Grade Mental Weariness"?

 

Languishing crept in after a period of extreme stress, grief, or lonliness-a sense of low grade mental weariness that can be easy to dismiss, especially since indifference is one of its symptoms.

Languishing puts you squarely in the present and makes you aware of all that is going on around you, but it's not mindfulness; it's hypervigalence. In moments of pause, it starts to feel like you aren't really living like you once did, and too many things feel out of your control. 

Corey Keyes

If I am being completely honest with myself I have to admit I am not happy.  I am languishing in a muddy pool of discontent.

..as soon as I wrote those last few words...I heard "Poetry time!" in my head lol.  

Without further adue...I step away and let whatever this is do its thing: 

Languishing

Languishing in a muddy pool of discontent, 

my body clock ticks and tocks

in awkward sporadic movements. 

The slightly warped second hand can't keep up

with the butterfly movement of Life

that flutters beyond my grasp.

The malfunction goes unnoticed. 

The busy world  walks over me

as another hour, another day

and another year  

flitters beyond my reach.

Water log?

A rusty spring in the internal mechanics?

May be these are the causes of my disturbance?

Or maybe it is the dust of a heavy life

that has been trapped for so long

beneath this cracked and creased face 

I call "me",

that makes me lag behind the world?

Or maybe this mechanical failure

is due to the place...

where I strangely find myself 

drowning in this discontent?

How did I get here?

I don't recall falling from 

the comfortable pocket of safety 

I once claimed as home,

through the hole that was always there.

I don't remember dropping with a splash 

into this uncomfortable and wet unknown

but regardless...here I am.

I wonder, as I bob in this pool of muddy water

thick enough, it seems, to pull me down

below the murky surface,

if there is a spring missing

or a nut or bolt loose in the center 

of this human known as "me"? 

I still tick and tock...tick and  tock...

but I can no longer make sense of the rhythm... 

a few missing ticks and a few missing tocks,

a broken sound deafening to my ears

but unheard by anyone else.

No one notices my nosiy, delayed existence.

They trudge through Life's many puddles,

disturbing the waters on which I bob,

with their dirty rubber boots

that tramp about, keeping up 

with circadian rhythms,

so unlike my own.

I swallow the effect of their momentum,

choking on it,

ticking and tocking in my unusual way.

Surely I will drown.

I close my eyes,

I long for the silky threads I once read about

to emerge from the lotus flower,

a flower, I am told, that blossoms in such places.

I pray that if such a thing exists

it finds what is left of  this mechanical "me",

that its feathery strength reaches out to cradle 

this broken form in a protective hold

that will save it from drowning 

in its own malfunction.

I pray for something to rest my weary being on

as this casing  ticks and tocks 

in anyway it can

until it ticks no more.

I pray for a rescue  much greater than 

what can be offered by a human hand

or a watchmaker's tool.

I pray for freedom from my 'self'.

 © Dale-Lyn (Pen) February , 2025

Don't judge lol...it just came out.

All is well!

Seeking the Truth About Consciousness

I rather accept the best...the closest to the truth we can get and work on that.

Dr. Susan Blackmore (parapsychology-neuroscience)

I would rather be unhappy than fool myself into thinking something exists that doesn't exist.

Dr. Robert Lawrence Kuhn (neuroscience-contemplative researcher-Closer to Truth interviewer)

I believe consciousness is a primary aspect of nature. Infact, it is what physical reality is made of but it isn't enough to say that.  We have to bring that into the scientific world view.

Dr. Federico Faggin (physicist-informational technology-neuroscience-contemplative research)

We tend to,in our culture, privilege the objective and so the subjective is unreliable and mooshy and soft and  we really don't want to attend to that...

Dr. Marilyn Schiltz (Anthropology)

...[as we explore polyphasic levels of culture and begin explaining Life through different levels of consciousness] we see that consciousness is extraodinarily plastic...there are states of consciousness available to us that we really didn't know about...that consciouiness can be cultivated and developed...

[The hard problem: What is the relationship between matter and consciousness?]

Consciousness has much greater power, much greater plasticity and certainly seems more independent than our contemporary scientific research.

Dr. Joe Walsh (neuroscience-psychiatry-contemplative research)

Ontological Evidence and the Study of Consciousness

Ontology, by the way, is the philopsphical study of being and of knowing how we exist. The question arises, is there multiple ways of knowing how we exist? 

I have had a life long desire to merge spirituality with science. I believe both fields of thought and "knowing" can be one...I truly do. I love the idea of using empirical evidence to validate the existence of the unseen and the unknown. (Isn't that what science is all about anyway? At one point subatomic particles were unseen and unknown, were they not?) 

I am drawn into spiritual teachings (consciousness teachings) that do that. I want science to prove what I know in my gut to be so real...as "real". 

I am more interested in understanding conciousness. I want empirical support for this postulate I have that says, "Consciousness exists both within and outside the body.  It is the constant that never changes...that is eternal, omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. It is who we are!" 

That feels like "core truth" to me. My mind, however, will not settle without question on any idea. It needs to explore it and gain evidence for it. So, I look into both the "spiritual" teachings (most scientists would refer to this as the study of the contemplative practices or "idealism") and the scientific research done on this.

From a Yogi's Perspective

Yoga, to me, is the perfect merger between these two fields of thought. As a yogi, I study and experiment with consciousness from an inner perspective...my own mind and through my own  human behaviour. My focus is on taming the ripples of my mind, understanding suffering and how to get beyond it, so I can obtain and maintain a state of true peace for myself, and therefore so I can serve the world at a higher level. My biggest desire is to prove that "consciousness (therefore who we truly are at the deepest level) exists outside and within the body and that it isn't just a function of brain activity."  

Siddhis or Psychic Phenomena

I practice yoga but have no real need to reach the point of yogic understanding where the siddhis become a part of my reality. Siddhis are what most of us would refer to as psychic phenomena: telepathy, psychokinesis, clairvoyance etc. Some would even add the belief in reincarnation in there...(well that is a given for many eastern faith beliefs and possibly even for Christianity as documentated prior to the selective ommission of gospels by the church....but it is said that some very enlightened yogis could transverse through life times. ) (Getting pretty woo-woo, huh?) It is said that yogis who reach true samadhi will attain these "gifts". 

Though I personally have no desire for these things in my own life...if someone, somewhere could prove the reality of their possibility...the theory about consciousness being expansive and "outside" the body would be proven true, would it not?  So therefore, I look into things like mediumship, psychic abilities, Out of Body Experiences, Near Death Experiences, Past Life Regression etc. 

No Evidence of Paranormal Reality

I am fascinated with psychics and wonder if they could be the links that teach us about the reality of an independent consciousness that is eternal. I watch certain psychics or mediums and question their sincerity.  Though I truly want to believe they are legitimate, I often find myself saying "I didn't get a feeling they were sincere. No...that didn't make sense.  That seemed like  cold reading and mentalism more so than actually providing a validating piece of information.  And wouldn't spirit...if they were putting all that energy into coming through...be more specific than "Who is the person that starts with A.?"  

I feel so sad when I evaluate the evidence of paranormal activity and an expansive consciousness and see it as doubtful. I want so desperately for others to prove the reality of the expansive nature of consciousness  to me. Truth is, I don't even know how to define consciousness in words. So I go from extreme materialism ( no consciousness) to extreme idealism ( all is consciousness) in my seeking outside of me for answers. 

We are asking what is it [consciousness], when we haven't even got a definition of the thing we are trying to find what it is....we are grappling around with a mystery.  I would say that the extreme materialism and the extreme idealism are utterly doomed.

Susan Blackmore

There is so much research out there. There are scientific research teams trying to prove the same things. Much, much qualitative research has been collected with subjective findings that lean heavily in the favor of this theory but so little quantitative research has proven anything objectively.  For example, people have collected thousands and thousands of NDE reports that show the same phenomena amongst the experiencers, but experiments have often failed in showing that people can read minds or remote see what is in a box miles away. 

Yes, I am skeptical to a point but also truly, truly want to believe. What does that make me?

I think that open minded skepticism is an incredibly healthy attitude and I think there is a tremendous amount of nonsense that isn't true and so to be able to develop some kind of discrimination about what is true and what isn't [is important]

Dr. Marilyn Schiltz

I feel almost sick when researchers, with the same pure intention, state openly that they have  failed  to prove the paranormal nature of consciousness.  Of course, I do know that just because"science" says it hasn't proven the existence of such and such...it doesn't mean that such and such isn't real. It just means  that it has not yet been proven true using the scientific measurement tools of the day. And at the other end of the stick...just because spiritual teachers claim such and such as truth...doesn't mean it is true either. 

Anyway, I want science to prove what yoga has been claiming for years.  I listened to Dr. Susan Blackmore yesterday with great hope she would put my mind at ease.  She didn't.  She is an Oxford Grad with a PhD in parapsychology.  She started her undergrad with the intention of studying psychology and physiology (after my own heart) which probably meant she was interested in studying neuroscience, I assume. She had a drug induced OBE in her freshman year and from then on became obsessed with the paranormal and with the idea that she would prove its reality. She wanted to prove that consciousness existed outside the body. She got her PhD in parapsychology and spent twenty years researching psychic and paranormal phenomenon. She announced in the video I watched that she then left the field of parapsychology because of great frustration that she wasn't able to prove anything.  Infact, her research findings lead her to believe that there were no paranormal phenomena. She returned to neuroscience to explain her OBE and then spent the rest of the video proving how altered brain function was responsible for the phenomenon experienced by those having OBE's or NDE's. Sigh!

I love the science and see how it makes sense in explaining these things. At the same time, my gut is screaming, "No! No! There is so much more to it than that!  Her findings are explaining only so much!" 

...perhaps the ontology or the model of reality held isn't wrong...it is just incomplete...

Dr. MarilynSchiltz

Is that resistance to what she said based on a deep desire for there to be more or on some inner knowing?  I don't know.  I really don't.

Like Dr. Walsh, I want to prove the fundamentals of ancient wisdom tradition true using science.

The challenge is how to bring these two streams of knowledge [contemplative and neuroscience]  together...any true quest for wisdom and for knowledge really has to be willing to look at all the information we have, all the data both from those who have spent years exploring internally and those who are exploring the brain, the body, physics...all the mechanistic information we now have...

...the answers you get depend on how you examine the question...

Dr. Joe Walsh

Just as there are parapsychologists switching gears and  turning to neuroscience to explain consciousness, there are hard core scientific minds who have previously focused on neuroscientific explanations for such phenonemna turning to a certain degree of parapsychology to explain consciousness. Look at David Bohm, Dr. Joe Wlash (above), Dr. Eben Alexander, and Dr. Federico Faggin....to name a few. What does that imply?

So... I went on another knowledge quest today and opened up to Closer to Truth Podcasts. Man, where have they been all my life? lol

Hmm! I guess, I will keep looking.  I need proof either way.  Of course, that truth will come for all of us when the body dies, won't it? We will all find out then. 

All is well! 

Dr. Susan Blackmore/ The Weekend University ( November 12, 2019) The Science of Out of Body Experiences. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VoixOyTPwg

Closer toTruth/Dr. Susan Blackmore (2024?) Susan Blackmore-Why is ESP so Intriguing? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Jp_qYnD0P4

Closer to Truth/ Dr. Susan Blackmore (2024?) Susan Blackmore-Toward a Science of Consciousness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTlxcrB7yvE

Closer to Truth-Marilyn Schiltz (2024?) Marilyn Schiltz- Why is ESP so Intriguing? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2F5Kt1Oy7I

Closer toTruth-Roger Walsh (2024) Why is Consciousness So Baffling? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2pNiawiV0k

Science and NonDuality (2017?) Science is Ready for Consciousness: Federico Faggin. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14Q_W6H_nZk

Science Discovering What Yogis Already Knew

When there was neither aught nor naught, when darkness was rolling over darkness, what existed? It then existed without vibration. [Anidavatam= stillness]

The Rig Veda, 1500 BCE

The world is made of fields-substances spread through all of space that we notice through their vibrations, which appear to us as particles. The electrical field and the gravitational field might seem similar but according to quantum field theory even particles like electrons and quarks are really vibrations in certain kinds of fields. The Higgs boson is a vibration in the Higgs field, just as a photon of light is a vibration in the electromagnetic field.

Yes, it makes no immediate sense that " a change that doesn't make a difference" leads directly to a force of nature...but that is one of the insights of twentieth century physics.

Sean Carroll, The Particle at the End of the World, 2012

Insights of 20th Century Physics? 

The Higgs Boson  was such a big discovery in quantum physics, physics, and even science in general last decade.  It is changing the materialistic way we once saw the world.  It is explaining there is an unseen and subtle force  with great power...that there is unseen space on which vibration is encouraged to change into matter and vice versa. 

Modern science, however, was not the first to discover this.  Vivekanada spoke of this way back in the late 1800's and early 1900's, and even more awe inspiring he spoke about what was written in the Rig Veda, one of the most ancient written texts ever discovered, dating back between 1500-1200 BCE. Yogis made this discovery long, long before CERN.

All motion, everything in  this universe, can be likened to waves undergoing successive rise and fall...all we see-that is, nature herself-is progressing in successive rises and falls. 

There is projection...vibration ....movement and then there is a going back to balance, the perfect equilibrium (pralaya). 

Theistical writers in India for centuries have  compared the projection and pralaya of the universe to

...the outbreathing and the inbreathing of God; God as it were breathes out the universe, and it comes into Him again.

Matter was called by ancient yogis..."bhutas" external elements 

 There is one element which...is eternal; every other element is produced out of this one. ...Along with this element, there is the primal energy called Prana. Prana and Akasha combine and recombine and form the elements out of them. Then at the end of  the Kalpa; everything subsides, and goes back to Akasha and Prana.

The Akasha, acted upon by the repeated blows of Prana, produce Vayu or vibrations. This vayu vibrates, and the vibrations growing more and more rapid result in friction giving rise to heat, Tejas. Then this heat ends the ligefactio, Apah. Then the liquid becomes solid. We had ether and motion, then came heat, then it became liquedfied, nad then it condensed into gross matter, and it goes back in exactly the reverse way.

All that we know in the form of motion, vibration, or thought is modification of the Prana, and everything that we know in the shape of matter, either as form or as resistance, is a modification of the Akasha.

The Prana cannot live alone, or act without a medium; when it is pure Prana, it has the Akasha itself to live in, and when it changes into forces of nature, say gravitation, or centrifugal forces, it must have matter.

You have never seen force without matter or matter without force; what we call force and matter are simply the gross manifestaions of these same things, which, when superfine, are called prana and Akasha. Prana, you can call in English life, the vital force; but you must not restrict it to the Life of man; at the same time you must not identify it with Spirit, Atman.

So this goes on. Creation cannot have either a beginning or an end; it is an eternal on-going. 

There is a pure, ancient, and Absolute Truth to yoga, that science is just now beginning to understand.

All is Well!

Carrol. Seam. M. (2012) The Particle at the End of the Universe: How the Hunt for the Higgs Boson Leads us to the Edge of a New World. Dutton

Vivekananda( n.d.) Complete Works of Sri Swami Vivekananda. 2.6.11 Cosmology in Practical Vedanta and Other Lectures. Kindle Edition

"Why?" and Living With the Underrated.

Getting what you want and avoiding what you don't want is the most highly overrated thing in the world.

Michael Singer

I am working on establishing equanimity of mind...of not "reacting" to the so called positive and wanted events of Life and the so called unwanted. It isn't easy. 

Well, I often do not get what I think I want from the outside world and probably get more of what I don't want lately...enough to make Michael Singer happy. I am living with the underrated rather than the overrated. 

That what you want now ..I pray that you dont get it.

What I want?  Peace. What I don't want?  Disturbance.  That translates to the ego mind, that is staring out and seeking peace from the outside... as, "I will find peace if everything out there goes smoothly and quietly." and "I will be at peace as long as nothing out there is problematic and disturbing." 

Sigh!  Woke up this morning excited. I had a day off.  My grandson was not coming so I thought, "Today, I can settle into peace! " Mind has been telling me that I really, really need a break from all the disturbing events going on around me. I was looking forward to a quiet morning doing "my thing!"  I plopped down with a nice hot cup of tea and put on the below linked Michael Singer podcast.  There was quiet...no interuptions or disruptions. This quiet was so unusual but so greatly enjoyed. I had peace for ten whole minutes!  I was getting what I wanted. Then....out of the ether (lol) came a panicking voice, "There is a flood in the basement apartment!"

I looked up again and caught myself saying, "Really??" 

My quiet, peaceful morning was then spent shouting out orders in an attempt to save the apartment, dealing with the panickers, wringing out towels, cleaning up messes as we stood in ankle deep water...shop vacing when we could...doing laundry, salvaging furniture and other items, throwing out what couldn't be saved. Sigh! It wasn't peaceful.  It was a very messy disturbance. I am not sure yet the extent of damage and I really don't want to know. ( $$)

I wanted a peaceful morning and I didn't want a messy and possibly destructive flood. I didn't get what I wanted but I did get what I didn't want.  Hmm!

Why?  Why is it that lately these things seem to be happening where I seldom get what I want and I get a lot of what I don't want as if designed that way by Life?  Outer events seem to be representing so much disturbance, chaos, suffering, scarcity, challenge, failure, effort and so little peace, joy, abundance, success in worldly terms and ease? Though I know everyone has their challenges... and I am not thinking through the problem superior ego when I say this...the number of challenges I tend to face seem disproportionate  to those challenges being allotted to those around me. 

I have, for example, people very, very close to me that have no worry about money...they live in abundance.  And though they certainly deserve it and have worked hard for sure...a lot of it just seems to land on their lap. They are not, from what I can see, working any harder than I am ...they just seem to be presented fewer obstacles and more opportunity and blessings. When those they love are struggling or suffering, they have the means to help make it better so effortlessly, while I seem to have more loved ones suffering and in need but no means to support and help them finacially or to help get the services they need quicker. (This sounds like envy and self pity...which I am certainly not above feeling...but right now this is pure objective observation through which I am writing). 

When the bodies or possessions of these "fortunate others" act up they seem to be able to get help and support for that as soon as possible whereas I go decades. I present when I need to...just as much as they do...but there always seems to be one little obstacle after another hindering my ability to deal with what is going on in this body or my house. 

I also embrace my gifts and semi-talents and try to share them with what I believe are pure authentic intentions.  I write so much...have so much written and though I submit and publish it goes nowhere.  My writing stays obscure which is okay until I hear things like, "If you are doing what you are meant to do, the world will show you through external success. You will reach and help a lot of people." Duh?  That didn't happen. I don't need the "success"  or a lot of readers but I would like the validation from the universe that what I spend my time doing is worthwhile...it is definitely worthwhile intrinsically but if these sayers are right, shouldn't I have some form of external validation if this is my life purpose? Shouldn't I actually be reaching people, if that is my intent? 

I am also a good hatha yoga teacher with a great understanding of anatomy.  I knew I could help people in this area so I, using a very limited retirement allowance, created and opened up a studio. ( I am also very good with money which seems ridiculous considering how little I have but I invested well, saved well, planned well etc. There has been, however, so many external forces I couldn't control impinging on my financial well being leaving me where I am....making me question even more, "why?")  As soon as I opened for yoga, I had a flood...then a pandemic...then a botched attempt at getting my yoga out on line and into the community...it costed me much more than I ever made (and though teaching yoga was never about what I made...it just offers another example how external reward is not validating my efforts to help).

I am a good educator and I love teaching English. That love, together with a sincere desire to help newcomers in my community, led me to write a book. I tried to pass it around to where I thought it might be accessible to those that might benifit from it. Of course, I can't give every copy  away (printing costs alone are beyond my means but I did give many copies away) ...I have it on Kindle and Amazon charges a hefty price of which I make very little off each book (which is okay becasue profitting from this book was not my intention). I have heard nothing back about this book.  Right now, I am more embarrassed about it than I am anything else.  Did I offend?  Who did I think I was writing such a book? etc etc.  It, too, is now sitting in obscurity not helping in the way I was hoping it would. 

So when I look at these things I have to wonder why.  It is not a self pity "why?" ( at least it isn't today lol).  It is just a question from a fairly intelligent and insightful mind.  "What is the purpose of my Life being so challenging right now?" 

And I am really not that attached to the fruits of my actions.  I enjoy the process pf writing, teaching, speaking, yoga, learning and being etc...I, at the deepest level, get so much from that. My sadhanna is my most important endeavor...not what I accomplish externally.

Those whose minds are established in equality of vision [equanimity] conquer the cycle sof birth and death  in this very life. They possess the flawless qualities of God, and are therefore seated in the Absolute Truth.

Bhagavad Gita 5:19 ( as translated in https://www.holy-bhagavad-gita.org/chapter/5/verse/19)

I practice attempting to gain equinimity of mind...of a state of peace-no-matter-what. I am committed to accepting Life as it is...to finding peace in every moment no matter what is unfolding in it. So, are these challenges...this "not getting what I want and getting what I don't want"...tests I am in some way asking for?  Are these challenges actually great opportunities for growth given from some design I don't understand? Am I actually "blessed" to have all these challenges? Are they leading me to the Absolute Truth quicker than a life of ease and abundance would? If that is the case, "Bring it on!" I don't need to get what I want and to avoid what I don't want from the outside world if I am being taken to the only world that really matters. 

Yet, I cannot help but ask "Why is it so challenging right now?"  I am not complaining as much I just want to understand.  Why?   Is it for higher learning that I keep getting bopped on the head with challenges; is it my own negative energy being projected out into circumstances; is it a misuse of my body, mind and energy; is it karma; is is some type of curse; or is it just random and has nothing to do with me? The thing is I know regardless of the cause...I need to take responsibility for it.  It is my Life and it is up to me to honor the serenity prayer by asking: "What things can I not change?  What things must I accept? Give me the wisdom to know the difference, please."

 If I am somehow causing these events that are impacting not only my life but the lives of those around me...is it up to me to "do" something about it?  I have to understand and change what I can change, don't I? If so, how do I do that? Whether that change requires an external effort or not, it will definitely require an internal one. Hmm!

Whatever happens...good happens, bad happens, beautiful things happen, nasty things happen within me, outside of me, It is just me....

Sadhguru

I would like to know why my life "appears" to be full of challenges right now. I will accept them for whatever they are here to offer.  Could I get just a tiny bit of validation in amongst all these challenges that I am on the right path, though? Just a bit? Is that too much to ask?

Anyway, all is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( February 13, 2025) Waking Up: How to Stop Living in the Past and to Find True Freedom. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3BrESzRn5c&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=2

Much More Helpful than Success

 You can be free from the prison of your mind...

A great opportunity arises when the world of form or when the person who identifies with the world of form becomes dissatisfied...

Psychological suffering, that is mind produced, is the only type of suffering...implying there is a mind made sense of self that is not surrendered to life

Spiritually, failure is much more helpful than success.

Eckhart Tolle 

I hear that again and again through my learning.  I believe it too. Yet, I still find myself being pulled into the challenges Life provides and when I become dissatified...instead of embracing the opportunity...I will still hear myself saying from time to time.."Oh no! What next? Why me?" I know better but habit mind is challenging to pull away from.

Hmm! When I catch myself slipping from my practice committment, as I still do, to embrace life exactly as it is...I need to be kind and compassionate to this self. Slips happen in recovery.  They too can be the "failures" that feed the spirit. They show this human I call "me" that my mind is not completely surrendered yet.  There is the part I created ( psyche, ego, this sense of a seperate little "me") that is still clinging...and I must let go of that part as well.

It is all learning isn't it?

All is well.

Eckhart Tolle ( February 11, 2025) Eckhart Tolle on Freeing Yourself from the Source of Suffering. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gqr26J7L7XU

Science and Spirituality

 We are living human beings with consciousness and free will, properties that exist in reality  that is deeper than the space-time reality in which our bodies exist...The capacity to experience and know ourselves resides in the quantum fields that describe our true nature...

Federico Faggins (Physicist)

I discovered someone who merges science with spirituality and I am very keen to learn more.  Federico Faggins, a physicist and a computer technologist, received everything in terms of worldly success. Yet he wasnt happy. After expressing a deep deaire to know why, he experienced the  same direct awakening one night that enlightened yogis report having.  He then set out to merge science with spirituality. I want to know more.  So, I think I will be spending money on another book "Irreducible" .

Anyway.  Thought I would share! 

All is well

Making it Personal

 They are moments in time and space and they got nothing to do with you.

Michael Singer

Michael Singer, in the below linked video, reminds us that we are all great beings...that tend to limit our greatness to the sum of our learned experiences. We narrow our great focus down onto these psyches we created and call "me".  We suffer because we tend to resist Life and make it all personal. 

You are not meant to suffer! 

I agree. Sure suffering exists, as the Buddha claims in the First Noble Truth...but...I believe we are not meant to suffer.

You are not meant to suffer!

There is a difference, I believe, between experiencing the unfoldings of life that our senses perceive as unpleasant...and suffering.  Physical pain, for example, is only suffering when you resist it. Judge it as bad, wrong, shouldn't be; resist it, and there will be 'suffering'.  Make it personal...and the suffering intensifies! 

We are not meant to "suffer" but yeah we are here to experience.  And pain is a part of that experience. Thirty trillion individual cells working together in that body that is experiencing pain, that body that takes care of itself...that body that isn't yours. 

WTF! Say what crazy lady???  

You are just renting the body you are in for a period of time. Sure notice that pain, listen to it, and do what it is asking you to do...but you don't have to turn that pain into personal suffering.  Even that pain isn't personal because the body you are in really has nothing to do with you. When you make it personal and say, "Look what is happening to "me"; this is "bad, wrong, and shouldn't be!",  this physical pain becomes suffering.  It is taken  beyond an experience you in the form can observe and feel-  to full blown suffering.  

Suffering is of the psyche!!

Rejected love efforts are certainly unpleasant and they feel so very personal, but they too are not suffering until we deem them as bad, wrong, shouldn't be or when we label them as personal.  And they are not personal.  If that person...that body of 30 trillion cells with an individual psyche based on the sum of their learned experiences (experiences you know nothing about) decides it doesn't like you ...it has nothing to do with you!  It has to do with all the thousands of  things that body/personal mind, over there that you are seeking to please, stuffed and stored...that made their psyche what it is. It has to do with where they are at during that moment they decided to react to something emerging from your psyche or personality or body, leading them to a judgment, "I don't like you!" Certainly feels personal to your psyche (the "me" you created based on all your stored experiences, your stuffed samskaras ...in that body you are in with its trillions of cells all reactive and firing) ...but ... It isn't personal!!!

They don't even see you...I mean truly see you...through the veil of their own samskara stuffed psyches. Pull your focus back away from your own reactive psyche to observe their reactive pysche. You are not your reactive psyche or the body you are in.  They are not their reactive psyche or the body they are in. Pull your focus back a little more to see hundreds, then thousands, then millions, and then billions of reactive psyches that make up the human race and know that all of these created "me's" are not real and simply hiding what everyone actually is! Pull your focus back even more to see how you  and the "person who has rejected you",  as well as all the other billions of humans that share this planet with you, are just tiny specks of salt on a bigger speck of salt, floating around a small little star in a small little solar system, in a great big galaxy which just happens to be one of trillions of galaxies with an infinite number of experiences happening. These experiences got nothing to do with you!

We have narrowed the brilliant, beautiful Mind of the Universe that we are a part of down into billions of little, suffering personal minds. Most of us  listen to this personal mind as it chooses to suffer our entire lives.  We do not have to listen to it, though.  We really don't. We can allow for purification. We can relax into its chatter and attempt to look behind it to the brilliant, impersonal Mind we all share. 

Remember: 

Your consciousness is the whole universe looking down through you. 

You don't have to take it personally. Just let go. 

The purified Mind is no different than the Self. (Ram Krishna)

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( February 10, 2025) From Personal to Universal: Transcending the Ego's Constraints. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cjjajdg5GWQ&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Change the Questioning

 Change the deep questions you are asking yourselves and God.

Instead of asking:

 What am I to do with this life?

ask

What is  Life to do with "me"?

Instead of asking

What do I do to end this suffering?

ask

Why am I suffering?

Instead of asking

How do I get rid of all these expectations that lead to suffering?

ask

Why do I have expectations?

Instead of asking

Why do bad things happen to good people?

ask

Why am I assuming that things that are happening are bad, wrong, shouldn't be, and the people they are happening to are good, right, should be? 

Instead of asking

What can I do to change  this or that "out there" so I feel better in here?

ask

Why do I not feel okay with whatever is happening? What do I need to work on in here so I feel what I already am?

There are so many common questions we ask ourselves that could be changed to help us to get a little closer to the first goal of awakening ...peace of mind and a return to the Seat.

All is well. 

Tearing Down Doors

 I don't want the door [to Life] to stay open...I want the door to be taken off its hinges and thrown away.

Michael Singer

Imagine there was no opening and closing...no need to decide if you should allow something in or if you should slam the door on it...resist it? Imagine if Life could just blow in and through you without any fearful reaction from you. Imagine staying open to Love despite fear. ...and eventually having no fear...just Love. 

Many of us are spending our lives opening the door a crack every now and again to let something in or slamming it and locking it so nothing we fear can get in. We depend on the hinges of the door to allow us to do so. We believe we need the door for our protection Yet, Singer reminds us when we decide to do that we have:

traded off the light and beauty in your life for fear...you chose to close your mind and heart.

Many of us, because of fear, are willing to choose safety over love. Our need to protect ourselves with these doors over the heart, mind, and soul are so very important to the psyche. It is the psyche that built the door and determines when it opens and when it closes.  And we all know by now that our psyches are a little bit cra-cra, right?

In October of 23...my family and I were attacked by someone who was in a drug induced psychosis. This individual, in the midst of his rage, tore down our kitchen door, right off the hinges, removing our main barrier to the outside world. When we discovered that he was released shortly after being arrested we felt so very vulnerable...we suddenly had no protection. We realized how much we depended on the ability we had to close that door to appease our fear and to defend against  anything potentially fearful.. While we struggled  to put up the door on new hinges and a new frame...I imagined what Life would be like if no one had any doors on their houses (in theCanadian summer that would not be a lot of fun lol- black flies and mosquitos would eat us alive :)) I imagined what it would be like if there was no fear and no need to protects one's 'self' from anything out there. That both terrified me to imagine that and it it also felt so freeing.

After the incident, I watched my family very carefully to see how they were dealing with this trauma. For months they double locked that door...sometimes going to it in the middle of the night to make sure it was locked.  Everytime there was a knock at it or some noise on the other side of it...they would open it just a crack to look outside before deciding if they should let whomever or whatever come in. As soon as what ever came through, they would then slam it shut and double lock it again. Their fear ruled their lives. They were, as a result, very closed to many other experiences. Sigh!

To a lesser degree, isn't that what most of us do with every moment of our lives? We hide behind closed doors in order to protect these "me"s we created. We resist so much and open to so little because of past experiences and the fear of having that pain repeated. 

Months after the incident, I again imagined a life where no doors were needed. I imagined a life without fear dominating our choices.  I know that fear is a very natural protective instinct we have and it is necessary for our very survival. A life without fear is probably not in our best interests...but a Life dominated by Love rather than fear, is. Maybe we can still learn to keep the doors to our inner selves open, even in the presence of fear. Maybe that extreme vulnerability my family and I experienced a  year or so ago is something we can stop resisting and allow in. Vulnerability is a sign we are open.  When we are open ...yeah,  sure the things the mind deems as "bad or threatening" might come inside but so will sunshine, fresh breezes, the sounds of an amazing world, and other beings we can love. Fear might not go away but should we listen to it every time it tells us to close the door? How much beauty and Love are we closing to when we do that? 

If there were no doors to open or close...we wouldn't have to make the choice to do so would we? There would be nothing to resist with.  Life would just come pouring in and through us.  Instead of deciding what to do with Life, we could let Life decide what to do with us. Hmm!

I had another eye opening moment last evening during meditation...I slept on it and awoke with this:

Instead of asking: "What am I to do with Life?"; we should be asking," Life, what do you want to do with me?"

Our ultimate goal, maybe, is not to learn to keep the door open...but to be able to take the door right off the hinges and to live in that state of openness where Life can blow right through us. I personally want to stop focusing on what my fearful little psyche wants from this life.  I am so very tired of living under fear's control.  I much rather live under love's. I want to focus on what Life might want of this human that I am without the sick psyche's control in the way. I want all need to decide to open or close gone. Without a door there would be nothing to open or close. I want my psyche and its noisy door out of the way. 

What about you? 

Hmmm! Something to think about.

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True (February 6, 2024) Breaking Barriers: Finding Joy Within.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03eXIujpzPM&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Slipping Into Self Pity?

 

Self pity is our worse enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.

Helen Keller

1000 little violins were playing in my head as I reread my entry from yesterday.  Not only did I make a lot of typos lol, I also pulled my'self' ...and possibly others...down into self pity and negativity. Isn't that what a dying ego...grasping for something to hang on...wants?

The truth is: it is hard.  There is a lot of crap this human I call "me" has to deal with. ( A lot of humans are dealing with crap...many with crap so much more challenging than mine!). Still...it basically sucks sometimes!!! And I do have a scientific  mind- I was born with it. This intellectual mind wants to know why circumstances are this way...Is it random? Is it karma (and I don't mean the punishment idea of karma)? Do I have some negative energy attached to me for some reason? Are these just lessons Life believes I am ready to handle so I grow? (Or the one I am most afraid of): Am I doing this to my self because I don't yet know how to handle the reins of this mind? 

I don't know...sometimes...many times...that question comes up. Why is this happening? Why is it so hard?

Yeah, self pity will sneak in there too every now and again, like it did yesterday, but most of the time...it is just an objective question I am asking.

Hmm! Anyway...you can put down your tiny violins now lol. I put away my self pity.

Side note: Self compassion is required when we recognize the tendency towards self pity.  My first reaction when I recognize my self pity is to chastise myself and say something like, "How could you do that??? You know better!!" I feel shame.

We need to have compassion for the human we are that has a tendency towards this.  Be kind as you gentle reassure  that human that it is okay to fall into negativity and self pity from time to time...and gently encourage them not to stay there. It will do no good what so ever in this world.

All is well. 

The Not So Gentle Path

Your life is a wonderful place to practice getting free...the gentle path.

Michael A Singer

Hmm! Is this path really gentle? It doesn't seem that my path was gentle to date.

Michael Singer in the below linked video is basically telling us that the most important question to ask isn't "What can I do to feel better?",  it is "Why am I not feeling wonderful now?"

I agree!

I basically know the answers to both questions. To feel better I must go inward and I am not feeling so great now because I have been closing to Life.  Knowing that, however, doesn't mean I am feeling better. lol.  It is hard to remove my attention from challenging life circumstances because they seem to come in abundance. Sure, I know it is my closing and resisting them that is the issue...not the circumstances but I can't help but ask, "Why the f*&% are there so many distractions my mind deems as 'negative' showing up to distract me away?"

 I want to know why my circumstances are the way they are ....despite my knowing that it is an inner game and that I am not feeling well because of samskaras I am willing to cleanse.  I am still focusing on cleansing, I am, but I would really like a little cooperation and positive feedback from Life.  Why am I not getting it? Life still seems to be landing pretty heavily on my shoulders. It feels like it purposefully hard. So I add that question, "Why is Life still unfolding so much hard to handle stuff in front of me?" to the other two questions above.

For example, I know money is not as important as inner peace.  I know the inner peace is within me regardless of how much money I have or don't have.  Any sense of disturbance I might have in regards to money has nothing to do with my bank account...it is my resistance and closing  because of scarcity belief and fear I have that causes the disturbance.  Hmmm! I know that I can find peace, my ultimate goal, regardless of my financial struggle if I stay open and relax.  That is a great solution on the spiritual level but what about the "human" level?

I still have to pay the bills in order to meet basic needs. Life is making it very hard to do that. It keeps handing me more and more money challenges. It is really hard to stay open to that!

For example, I was wondering how I could take a course that would better my experience as a human who helps others learn English, get  all those university credits I have into another degree, add a few credentials to my name to support the book I wrote, and possibly allow me to make a little money doing so to eventually help this human end the day to day money struggles I am  experiencing. That 'idea' led me to this idea : "Well maybe ...it would be worth it to go a little more in debt to study and learn".  

I felt myself opening to hope again. (I normally don't subscribe to hope...but it feels so much better than hopelessness.) I was open as I considered that possibility.  I was about to enroll. Then, out of nowhere, I was selected, out of a very small percentage, to be audited by the Canadian Revenue Agency....( a probablity that was pretty random).  I was penalized very heavily for a very, very honest mistake and I now owe much more money than I have...definitely more money than I would need to take this course. So the course is out of the picture of possibilities and I am now worried over how I am going to pay the government without going under. Sigh!

Sure, I know my peace should not be based on what CRA did, on my bank account, on this deflated hope for what the course might have given this human I call  me. It should not be based on these challenges that seem to be coming in truckloads to my door. Even when I remove my "problem competitive" ego from the picture...it seems like an extraordinary amount of challenge to my human mind. I can't help but ask why: "Why so many challenges?" 

So, as I continue asking: Why am I so closed to Life? and continue working on internal accountabilty and cleansing ...this question "Why are there so many outer world challenges for this human to deal with?" keeps coming up. I tell myself it isn't personal...Life is just being Life and it isn't all about "me". My problems are statistically insignificant.  I believe it too!  

Yet, when I watch this exhausted human proceed through Life dealing with this and dealing with that, I can't help but say, "Wow!  That's a lot! No wonder why the thinking and feeling  is more 'negative' and low energy than 'positive' and high energy. No wonder why, I go beyond accepting that challenges will arise to expecting them to arise and bracing myself for blow after blow. "

That is why I am interested in things like Karma. I am hoping that an answer to that question will help me understand why these challenges are occurring so I can better accept them "openly".  I still know I need to stay open...I do.  Cleansing and relaxing into what is ...is my priority. I cannot help but to think, though,  that understanding why external circumstances are so challenging, might make it easier for this human I call me to do that.

Hmm! Anyway...all is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( February 6, 2025) Breaking Barriers: Finding Joy Within. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03eXIujpzPM&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=3

Focus on Self Instead of self

 

No one has ever had the experiences you had and will never have them because everything keeps changing...you are unique. ...Every single experience you have makes you a better being. 

Experiences are things that come into your consciousness and make you a greater being because you experience them. [until you say "No" to experiencing them].

Consciousness is pure light but you projected your sense of Self onto an object of consciousness

Cease to identify with this thing that you built because you were scared....

Michaeal A. Singer

All is well!

Where are you focusing your attention?

 Problems are not inherent in Life itself, they are constructs of the thinking mind.  But who is aware of these thoughts?  Who is observing the mind as it creates these narratives? There is a deeper presence within you, one that watches without judgment. This awareness is not troubled by problems because it does not interpret reality through the lens of fear and resistance.  It simply is. And in this isness, this presence, God is found.

When you focus on problems, you magnify them.  When you focus on God, you magnify peace. 

So the question is not, "How do I solve my problems?"but rather, "Where am I placing my attention?" Are you lost in the mind's endless cycle of struggle or are you resting in the stillness where true peace resides? 

Eckhart Tolle

Eckhart Tolle/Words of Worth ( February, 2025) Focus on God Not Your Problems. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPxrEzdMCPA

Return to the One

 I and the Father are One.

John 10:30

Michael A. Singer, in the below linked podcast, tells us that consciousness is the most important part of our being and real meditation is all about getting back to that Seat we technically never left...the Seat of Consciousness, true awareness, the place from which you notice those objects you are focusing on is where you belong.

You are consciousness...consciounsess is your soul...the essence of your being. Singer

Why are we having the experience that we have left that Seat?

Singer puts it simply using three terms: consciousness- distraction- and identifying.

Consciousness

We are pure consciousness. We are Sat Chit Ananda...we are One with the Father but we do not "experience" that Oneness because we focus elsewhere.  We get distracted by the world going on around us.  In our attempt to cope with all the distracting noise and drama, we stuff and store those distractions that are powerful and impactful, be they  be so called negative or positive. Now we have samskara knots of distractions hidden within us.  Then we must go out into the world to find external distractions  that will distract us from these internal ones we stored. 

Distraction

You try to distract yourself from your distractions that you built up through the course of your life. Singer

We all got our stuff and that stuff often gets in the way of connection at the deepest level. It takes us away from Self and into a focus on self.  The idea that we are seperate little bodied beings with our own little problems, needs, and wants become the focus.  We begin to see ourselves as simply an accumulation of this stuff.  It becomes our identity. This  distraction...this identity is not who we are. Infact, it takes us farther away from who we are.

Everytime we particularise an object, we differentiate it from the Self. Vivekananda

Identifying

We see ourselves as that which we are focusing on and that which we are focusing on is often "negative". We may be, as these seperate person concepts, focusing on very low energy emotions .  This not only keeps us from awareness of our Source...but then we begin to identify with those low energy emotions by saying "I am depressed", for example.

This distraction and identification from consciousness/Self leads to constant reactivity and suffering. Singer

So with everything; as soon as you are attached to anything in the universe, detaching form the universe as a whole, from the Atman, there comes a reaction. Vivekananda

We are, Singer reminds us, Sat Chit Ananda ( Eternal, Conscious Bliss). We are not what Consciousness is staring at, we are the consciousness that is staring. We are not a seperate little "self" we are a part of the One Self. This One Self is called Atman in Yogic terms. 

We get the idea that we have all come just like sparks from Him, and when you know Him, then you go back and become one with Him again. We are the universal. ...

...in and through every spark of the individuality is shining that Infinite. Everything is a manifestation of the Atman. Vivekananda

We  do not need to suffer. We just need to remove our attachment and sense of identity from that which we are distacted by. We just need to trace our way back to Self.

With everything that we love outside the Self, grief and misery will be the result. If we enjoy everything in the Self, and as the Self, no misery or reaction will come.  This is perfect bliss. 

How do we get back to this "perfect bliss"...sat chit ananda, the Seat of Consciousness. Both Singer and Vivekananda remind us we must first know that consciousness exists..." This Atman is first to be heard of." 

Singer in his podcast lists the  three spiritual truths: consciousness is first, then comes distraction and identity.  We must trace our way back to consciousness. 

We can  bring our focus back to Self through pratyahara (disconnecting from our attention on sensual imput), dharana ( single pointed conscentration), and Dhyana (meditation...a practice that takes us back to Self). This is a true yoga practice but it doesn't have to be that eloborate. There are simple things we can do day to day with our thinking and our speaking that can be very helpful.

Language and Consciousness

What I always found  helpful, was watching and restructuring the language I use. We need to, I believe, start removing words of personal identification from the things and experiences we are observing that are not life enhancing.  

As someone who loves language and the power it has in the mind (there I am identifying again lol) I see how erroneous  the use of the words "I am " is.  We are not depression or any other low energy  experience...we are the One experiencing it. We are having an experience of depression possibly but we are not depressed! We are the Consciousness, the awareness, the Soul ( if you will) observing this human experience depression. Yet, we get so caught up in the distraction of depression we begin to identify as a "depressed person". That gets cemented as belief when we repeatedly say to ourselves or others, "I am depressed."

We need to change our wording!

Removing "My" from lower energy focus

We can start with saying "the" car instead of "my" car. We can move onto  "this body" rather than "my body", and we can remove that "my" from problems or low energy experiences we may be encountering. There really is nothing "personal" going on here. Our sense of suffering is derived from this personal identification with Life.

Removing "I am" from lower energy focus

 We can say  "I am experiencing depression" rather than "I am depressed"; " I have an illness right now" instead of saying, "I am sick";   "I am dealing with some anger" instead of "I am angry." 

Remember you are Sat Chit Ananda...you are eternal consciousness bliss... not some petty "personal problem", or the body and whatever it is doing...or the emotions. You are simply experiencing these things.

"I am pure ecstacy distracted by low energy."

Removing the personal from it all

Depersonalize  the life events that unfold in front of you. They are not happening "to you". They are just happening and you get to experience them.

Removing the "I" and the "me" as much as posisble.

I try  unsuccessfully lol) to use "I" only when I am talking about consciousness and high energy experiences. I try to eliminate "me" altogether from my vocabulary but that is difficult.  I try to use "this human I call 'me' "instead.  It is a totally different experience when I think and speak like that. It pulls me right back to the seat of consciousness when I do...reminding me of Who I Am and from where I am observing "This human I call 'me' ". Try it.  ( Others might think you are a few bricks short of a load but it is very helpful in depersonalizing Life and getting back to the Seat.) 

We are One with the Source. We are One with the Father.  We just wandered off too far with our focus and simply need to bring ourselves back.

To realize this unity is the end and aim of all meditation...Vivekananda.

All is well in my world.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True (January, 2024 ) Unravelling the Ego: Returning to Pure Awareness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHOj-RUuZVs&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Vivekananda (n.d.) 2.6 Practical Vedanta and other Lectures. Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda. Kindle Edition

Bully in the Playground?

 You will never reach higher ground if you are always pushing others down.

Jeffrey Benjamin

As a Canadian,  I am, as a part of a national collective, finding myself in a situation where I am being bullied for my lunch money. I see the festering ego in front of me  with his hand out and I see the gang in the back ground...scuffing their toes in the sand with heads down and smirks on their faces. They actually are using this bully for their own gains...building up his ego by telling him how tough he is...encouraging him to go after those who he believes are weaker and easy targets. At this point his ego is so inflated he believes all others around him are weak, easy targets, and he truly doesn't see how manipulated he is being by those behind him. He is seen as the big man on campus by some, the people who surround him, the cool gang. He was put in this situation by unconscious students wanting just a piece of what he appears to have. They want to belong. This is, however,  a far from inclusive gang. It is a group that is overly selective...white rich caucasian males calling all the shots for the other students on campus. All the wanna be members are just going to get trampled on.  A sort of gatekeeping takes place, under his psuedo leadership. where the bodies and minds of other students are controlled or forced off the playground for their differences.  Gang members line the borders of the school yard and allow so few in and they are pushing so many out as if repeating the same  cleansing that led to WW2. They  walk forward metre by metre (yard by yard) in an attempt to expand their territory  stealing lunch money here, stealing it there. Sigh! Who would want in under this gang control? 

So, I in my collective, stand here watching the bully puff himself up ...seeing it all so clearly...shaking my head as to how he got to stand where he is standing now but accepting that it is the way it is. He was put into this role by a collective mindset that is a little lost and veering off the path of attaining what is really important. My peaceful national conditioning will play the game for a while...I will hand over my  lunch money because I  know, in the calm, peaceful wisdom that makes my country what it is, that bullies eventually destroy themselves. Sigh...I personally do not want anyone to be harmed...I just want people to learn... when they are lost...that there is a much better way to live.  Bullying...ego dominance...is never the way to go.

May all learn from this political crisis...may all be well.

All is well. 

One or a Million

 If it is one person or millions [I am reaching]...it is the same message.

Guradev Sri Sri Ravi Shankara

I felt inspired to write that quote down in reference to my own little yoga mission....this very strange mission I have yet to completely understand that pulls me here every morning despite ego's protests. It is a misison that leaves me constantly asking, "Why am I doing this? For what? For Whom?"

The above quote was uttered when Guradev was asked the question, "What advice do you have for other up and coming spiritual teachers to build their infrastructures?" (paraphrased). He humbly stated that he never did and still doesn't get caught up in building infrastructures, that he simply is what he is and that he is doing what comes naturally to him. He was more or less saying that he was not attached to outcomes or to the fruit of his actions. He was more concerened about beingness.

He also stated that the way we truly impact the lives of others is not through our talking, speaking, or building of infrastructures...but through our vibrational beingness.  

Things happen more from vibrations...the state of being...than they do through talking or speaking [or building infrastructureness.]

If I really want to (or if the Something within me) really wants to affect change with what I do here I need to first be clear minded, pure in heart, and my action has to be completely sincere.

When there is right intention things start happening.

It doesn't matter if this action helps one or a million others...as long as the intention is right, and the action sincere.  I believe it to be so.

All is well!

Clear Minds, Pure Hearts, and Sincere Actions

 [Approach Life with...] 

Clarity in mind

purity in heart

sincerity in action

Guradev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

I believe these are the qualities a true Guru or yogi would possess. I know that is how I want to approach life.  I am working on it but I am very much a work in progress. I find myself seeking inspiration for this journey from people who have attained these things. 

 I heard this yoga guru speak today and I was really hoping that I finally found a truly authentic and awakened being.  He seemed to be humble, happy, very calm, and real. His answers to questions were very, very wise. Hmm! He seemed to check off all the above boxes: Clear mind, Pure heart, and Sincere action..

This is what I heard (may be somewhat paraphrased).

Life is sprung from bliss

Without the stress and tension [of this overidentification of self]...we would have bliss

Either through a curious and inquistive mind or through a frustrated mind, you reach a point where you want to know yourself. You want to find what is the meaning of life. 

A true seeker is free from all types of dogmas

The journey of life is from an ugly "I don't know" to a beautiful "I dont know". The beautiful "I dont know" leads you to meditation, the ugly "I don't know leads" to more frustration and misery..

We are all either consciously or unconsciously seeking for freedom...and it doesn't matter as long as we find it.

When knowledge becomes a part of your life it becomes wisdom.

Music, meditation, and wisdom will make your life complete.

What is needed to get out of this lonliness [ which is almost a pandemic]is wisdom and meditation

Stress= shadowed perception...need clarity of mind

Yoga is a coming back into the true Self that you are

If it is one person or millions [I am reaching]...it is the same message

Things happen more from vibrations...the state of being...than they do through talking or speaking [or building infrastructureness.]

When there is right intention things start happening.

Relationships stay longer [and stronger] when you are not focused on getting something from them...[when you are more focused on the questions]: "What can I give and how can I serve?" 

Not wanting or seeking to get something from other people [is how we should approach Life and relationships.]

[We are] one world family [and together] we must learn to celebrate Life.

This lines up with what I have been reading from the Complete Works of Vivekananda:

With everything that we love outside the Self, grief and misery will be the result. If we enjoy everything in the Self, and as the Self, no misery or reaction will come. This is perfect bliss. 

All is well.

Andre Duqum/Know Thyself Podcast ( 2024?) Awakening Joy & 100K Sunscriber Q & A. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLcdXvEekPv1GRqbvjVf41TrYQhjHRO1_q