Your life is a wonderful place to practice getting free...the gentle path.
Michael A Singer
Hmm! Is this path really gentle? It doesn't seem that my path was gentle to date.
Michael Singer in the below linked video is basically telling us that the most important question to ask isn't "What can I do to feel better?", it is "Why am I not feeling wonderful now?"
I agree!
I basically know the answers to both questions. To feel better I must go inward and I am not feeling so great now because I have been closing to Life. Knowing that, however, doesn't mean I am feeling better. lol. It is hard to remove my attention from challenging life circumstances because they seem to come in abundance. Sure, I know it is my closing and resisting them that is the issue...not the circumstances but I can't help but ask, "Why the f*&% are there so many distractions my mind deems as 'negative' showing up to distract me away?"
I want to know why my circumstances are the way they are ....despite my knowing that it is an inner game and that I am not feeling well because of samskaras I am willing to cleanse. I am still focusing on cleansing, I am, but I would really like a little cooperation and positive feedback from Life. Why am I not getting it? Life still seems to be landing pretty heavily on my shoulders. It feels like it purposefully hard. So I add that question, "Why is Life still unfolding so much hard to handle stuff in front of me?" to the other two questions above.
For example, I know money is not as important as inner peace. I know the inner peace is within me regardless of how much money I have or don't have. Any sense of disturbance I might have in regards to money has nothing to do with my bank account...it is my resistance and closing because of scarcity belief and fear I have that causes the disturbance. Hmmm! I know that I can find peace, my ultimate goal, regardless of my financial struggle if I stay open and relax. That is a great solution on the spiritual level but what about the "human" level?
I still have to pay the bills in order to meet basic needs. Life is making it very hard to do that. It keeps handing me more and more money challenges. It is really hard to stay open to that!
For example, I was wondering how I could take a course that would better my experience as a human who helps others learn English, get all those university credits I have into another degree, add a few credentials to my name to support the book I wrote, and possibly allow me to make a little money doing so to eventually help this human end the day to day money struggles I am experiencing. That 'idea' led me to this idea : "Well maybe ...it would be worth it to go a little more in debt to study and learn".
I felt myself opening to hope again. (I normally don't subscribe to hope...but it feels so much better than hopelessness.) I was open as I considered that possibility. I was about to enroll. Then, out of nowhere, I was selected, out of a very small percentage, to be audited by the Canadian Revenue Agency....( a probablity that was pretty random). I was penalized very heavily for a very, very honest mistake and I now owe much more money than I have...definitely more money than I would need to take this course. So the course is out of the picture of possibilities and I am now worried over how I am going to pay the government without going under. Sigh!
Sure, I know my peace should not be based on what CRA did, on my bank account, on this deflated hope for what the course might have given this human I call me. It should not be based on these challenges that seem to be coming in truckloads to my door. Even when I remove my "problem competitive" ego from the picture...it seems like an extraordinary amount of challenge to my human mind. I can't help but ask why: "Why so many challenges?"
So, as I continue asking: Why am I so closed to Life? and continue working on internal accountabilty and cleansing ...this question "Why are there so many outer world challenges for this human to deal with?" keeps coming up. I tell myself it isn't personal...Life is just being Life and it isn't all about "me". My problems are statistically insignificant. I believe it too!
Yet, when I watch this exhausted human proceed through Life dealing with this and dealing with that, I can't help but say, "Wow! That's a lot! No wonder why the thinking and feeling is more 'negative' and low energy than 'positive' and high energy. No wonder why, I go beyond accepting that challenges will arise to expecting them to arise and bracing myself for blow after blow. "
That is why I am interested in things like Karma. I am hoping that an answer to that question will help me understand why these challenges are occurring so I can better accept them "openly". I still know I need to stay open...I do. Cleansing and relaxing into what is ...is my priority. I cannot help but to think, though, that understanding why external circumstances are so challenging, might make it easier for this human I call me to do that.
Hmm! Anyway...all is well.
Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( February 6, 2025) Breaking Barriers: Finding Joy Within. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03eXIujpzPM&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=3
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