Acepting pain can be difficult. It's just better than the alternative, which is to live in a state of perpetual suffering.
Vidymala Burch and Danny Penman
Didn't go to work today. Up most of the night with abdominal pain, fever, and chills. It might be the stomach bug that made its way around to this body, or it could be a bout of diverticulitis. Thinking it is the later only because of the nature of the pain. It remains in a much subtler form. Figure we will know in time. If the same pain comes back to that intensity again this evening...I will venture that my guess is right.
Judging Progress Through the Pain Experience
Regardless of what it is, I always see "progress", if that makes sense, when I watch this human I call "me" experience physical pain. (Are you finding my referring to me in that way a little 'strange' ? It started out as strange to me too but it makes perfect sense to 'this human I call me" now lol).
The pain, last evening and during the night, came in waves, as pain often does, with crests and troughs and periods of peace in between each wave. Sometimes the waves were pretty small and sometimes they were quite large scoring 9/10's on the pain scale bending me forward. It felt like I might pass out during a couple of those waves. I even had thoughts during those big waves, "This might be the end of me...maybe it is good if it is the end of me...this pain would be too much to bear over a space of time." The pain experience was intense, to say the least.
Realizing we are not the pain, or the body experiencing the pain
I realized fully, though I was distracted by the pain, that I was not the pain...that it was just an experience this human was having, temporarily taking me from the peaceful nature of who I really am. I was distracted but it was very understandable as to why I was distracted. Yet, I didn't get lost in the distraction. There were a few moments of resistance, for sure, but I was able to bring myself back to acceptance pretty quickly.
The "I" as Pain Coach
I (whoever this "I" is- higher consciousness, the Self, the field of energy from which all things emerge...I do not bloody know lol) was able to not only observe the pain but was able to participate in it from a Seat of awareness with out getting lost in it. "I" was there during the whole experience. I was like a coach coaching this human form with calm reassuring encouragement..."Breathe...Okay the pain is cresting. Relax the body, breathe....breathe. It will subside. It will pass, it will pass. There it is troughing...relax, relax until the next one." I went like that through hours of rounds. And finally the pain subsided and I was able to fall and stay asleep for hours at a time.
The Old, Habitual Way of Dealing with Pain
I am fully aware that if I were to have gotten lost in that pain last evening, became all absorbed by it, identified with it and the body once again which was my previous normal human reaction to pain; if I were to "resist" the experience, the pain would have been even worse than it was. I probably would have passed out, and I might have ended up in the ER. I dealt with the pain without closing to it! That is a sign of progress.
Acceptance of the Unpleasant Doesn't Mean Not Getting Help For It
Do not get me wrong. That was not an enjoyable experience. Not at all. It was NASTY! I do not want to have to repeat it again but if this is what I think it is, I know I will have to eventually...if not tonight, I will have to deal with it during another bout in the future. I do not close to that reality. I accept and honor that reality. It is what it is; it will be what it will be.
I am also not saying that one should endure such pain without seeking medical intervention. Not at all. I am still really not sure what that was last night or if it even required sometype of medical intervention. I was just willing to take the chance and wait it out. I do have a nursing background to base such decisions on. If it didn't go away I would have gone in. I am also truly realizing I am not this body and what is happening to it is not necessarily happening to that which I am ( whatever that is). That is where I am in my understanding of things. I honestly do not fear death. That being said, if I were to witness another experiencing what I experienced during those high waves of intense pain, I would have strongly encouraged them to get help. I would never have encouraged someone else to take the chance I took...to use the intense pain experience as a part of their practice. We need to remember that pain is an urgent communication from the body that something needs attention.
Practicing Acceptance with Mild Pain Experiences
I would, however, encourage others to use mild pain experiences as part of their practice. I started with Charlie Horses which were once considered the "vain of my existence". I get Charlie horses all the time and at one point in my life, I almost lived in fear of them.They friggin hurt! As soon as I got the first sign of a cramp in the soul of my foot and the toes started to spread I would panic and begin stomping up and down on my foot. The pain would shoot up my calf , up the back of my leg and right to my hip. All muscles would become rigid with resistance. It would last sometimes for five minutes or more. All absorbing.
I decided one day to stay open, instead of closing to the experience; to allow the pain experience of a Charlie Horse, instead of resist it; to relax into it, instead of further tensing up against it. Wow! What a game changer. When I felt the pain starting, I learnt to take a deep breath and encourage the rest of my body to relax. "Breathe...breathe...breathe. Relax, relax, relax." When I relaxed the pain experience relaxed. It doesn't go away completely but it diminished significantly and it lasts for only a few seconds now. Amazing.
I used the accepting and relaxing technique during bouts of angina...the pain didn't go away and I still needed to take the nitro at times but it was much more doable and less intense. The fear of such attacks went away. ( Note ...the type of angina I have is less likly to result in a heart attack than other types of angina...I would not recommend using this for angina.)
When I stub my toe, or burn my finger...I use this technique and it is like wow! So much easier to cope with.
The Key is Non-Resistance
What turns physical pain, or any type of pain be it physical, mental or emotional into suffering is resistance. Resistance increases tension which increases pain. Resistance to what is...is the main cause of suffering. Pain isn't suffering. Pain just is. Resistance to pain is suffering. Acceptance than is the antedote.
We need to hear pain, listen to it, check out what it is telling us, and deal with its cause but we do not need to make it worse by resisting it.
All is well.
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