Struggling with Scarcity and Skeptical Doubt

It is certain that you cannot believe in abundance while identifying yourself with lack. Forget the lack and think only of abundance. 

Earnest Holmes

That isn't that easy to do Earnest.

Struggling with a Scarcity Perception

To be honest with myself, more than anyone else , I have to admit that I have been struggling with a bit of negativity, even in my practice. I have been feeling lost in a scarcity perception and caught up in the tangles of skeptical doubt. Sigh!  I have been feeling and perceiving "down" as a result. 

I was hit with a ton of suffering observation recently...seeing (and feeling) so clearly the intense suffering of so many loved ones all at the same time and I felt ill equipped to handle it.  I found myself, though I never admitted it out loud, weighed down by this observation and feeling experience  to the point I now have the perception I am "lacking" in wellness. I even pulled back from my wellness practice.  I stopped drinking water from my jug, I stopped walking the dogs daily, I cut back on my yoga  practice and have not taught a class in almost two weeks. I also, according to the kids, look like a "hot mess"lol. I don't want to socialize or go out and most sadly to me,  my writing motivation has lost much of its oompf. 

Doubting the Path I am On

At the same time I was seemingly consumed by the suffering of others, I was  reminded that what I write, what I share is not getting out there to readers the way I thought it was.  My writing is not being received the way I was hoping it would be. Though I try not to be attached to outcome,  it is challenging to accept that at all the hours, love, and effort I have put into this little practice of mine here might have been a waste.  I always said I just need to reach one or two people and it will all be worthwhile because serving in this way brings me so much joy...but I am not even sure I am reaching anyone. If I am not reaching anyone, who am I serving?  Google analytics is showing  that the few possible hits I am getting  are bouncing off my page like ping pong balls. I don't want to be a ping pong table lol...I want to write, speak, and share this wonderful learning. I do not need notoriety or fame but I do need some validation that I am on the right path in this service direction. I guess that is where the "Skeptical Doubt" comes in. Without that evidence, I am doubting. 

I also feel so intensely at times the scarcity of money as I struggle to get by, especially now that I have others in my home  that need me and may have more before the months out.  I am putting myself more and more in debt to provide for them without any idea of how I will pay it back. It creates a chronic worry that twists and turns into a big knot  in my belly. Then I find myself craving...craving financial abundance ( which to me would just be enough to diminish the worry) . Still it is craving and it is hindering me in my quest for realization of what is truly important. Instead of getting to the point of being satisfied with things exactly as they are, money or no money...I am mentally grasping and clinging to the idea that maybe I can manifest some money into my life ...as if the money is the problem and the solution...when it is neither. My mind is.

My mind is the problem, more specifically ...those subconscious beliefs , so sticky and determined to make themselves known,  are why I am where I am in my practice and in my life. This pathological idea that "scarcity, rather than abundance, is my destiny". That unlike, the rest of the world, somehow I am destined to continue suffering, struggling, without money or readership  or without validation that what I "do" is what I am meant to be doing. Sigh!

I do not  need to look out there for the answers.  I need to turn around and look into my mind again...the place where all so called problems originate and where all solutions can be found. I need to look at the core beliefs that pull  me down as soon as I experience a bit of suffering observation. Bring them and all the attached emotion up to the surface and have a chat with them. Hmm!

I just happened upon another 21 day meditation challenge offered by Deepak Chopra on abundance... a way of  replacing some subconscious clinging to scarcity with a realization of abundance.  I am not sure if it will bring more money or readers into my life, but maybe it will bring more peace...and isn't that what  am truly looking for anyway?

All is well. 

Pancha-Upadana-Skanda

 Stop being the flame attached to the fuel of your afflictions.

Br Phap Lu'u

We are not the ideas we cling to. 

In Buddhism there are said to be five aggregates or Skanda's that we tend to cling to thus fueling, and energizing our adherence to these ideas like wood to a fire. Our aggregates are the wood we feed the fire...our clinging is the way the flames grasp the wood...and the fire is our suffering. The five aggregates are:

• Body
• Feelings
• Perceptions
• Mental Formations
• Consciousness

Clinging to the Idea of "Me, Mine, Myself" 

We tend to see ourselves as a separate body, distinct and separated from other bodies be they human, sentient or non- sentient by our body lines.  We look at our body in the mirror and say "Me, Mine, myself". We tend to adhere to the idea that our feelings are all important and that we must strive for , grasp and cling to pleasant feelings over the unpleasant as we dismiss the neutral.We look at our feelings and say , "Me, Mine or Myself".  We are very attached to what our five senses pick up determining that those sensory experiences are reality belonging to "Me, Mine, and Myself".  We believe that our thoughts, our moods, our emotions and mind states are who we are.  We say things like "I am angry therefore I am an angry person." Our mental formations, we cling to as "Me, Mine, Myself." And we cling to what we think we know, our consciousness, as "Me, Mine, Myself."

Clinging to the idea of "me" and "you"

So we see ourselves as a copulation of these five things and cling to this idea of "me" and "you".  I call you by your name and you become that name with that body I identify as you, with those feelings, perceptions, mental formations and consciousness that I identify as you.  You call me by my name and "I"  become that body you identify as me, as well as all the feelings, perceptions, mental formations and consciousness I have somehow shared with you.  This is who you believe me to be.  That is what I believe you to be.

Fire of Suffering Feeding On the Fuel 

But..is that who we really are? Or is it just an idea of self and other we cling to...Pancha-Upadana- Skanda?  As long as we grasp and cling to this idea of who we are based on these five aggregates, we are like fire feeding on the fuel these aggregates provide and we are just burning ourselves up.  We are suffering in this fire we are feeding. 

Questioning

Let's look at our so called identity as these things and question what we cling so ferociously to. 

Are you and "I" a separate body?  Do our bodies  not share and pass onto others on this planet  the same air, the same water, the same gases? Are they  not made up and dependent on the earth and the atmosphere...on its oxygen, its water, its minerals? Are they  not a collection of genes passed on through many generations?  How can you or I be separate, independent  bodies then? How can the body I look at in the mirror be "mine"? Where is the "I" in all this.

Nothing lasts in this physical world so how can we cling to an idea of "Me, Mine and Myself"  passing it off as permanent based on a body that is ever changing and impermanent?  When this body changes as it changes day to day, do "I" as the "Me, Mine, Myself" change as well? When it expires as all physical things will do...what happens to the "Me. Mine, Myself" then ? Does it expire too? Or does form just change?  The oxygen escaping back into the atmosphere, the water minerals back into the air and earth?  

How can my feelings, perceptions, thoughts, emotions, and knowing be "me" when they are always changing, flowing in and flowing out?  When they arise from a 100 different winds around me? How can I be an angry person when I am only angry for a few minutes before that emotion is replaced with another? Our feelings, thoughts, emotions, moods are always changing, are they not, moment to moment? How then can we be these things? And what do we know really?  What we learn in school, family, society, from others, is that true learning, true knowing? How can that be us when it came from someone else.  The only way to know who we truly are is to experience who we really are.  

Going Beyond the Concept of "Me-ness" to Essence

"Me, Mine, Myself" is just an idea we cling to. Who we really are goes beyond ideas and concepts . It is mind stuff and mind, we know, is always trying, for preservation of "me-ness" , to create a threshold between what we are and what we are not.  It does not recognize "essence" ...the essence beneath all matter. It does not recognize that essence  as who we are. Though matter is constantly changing...this essence isn't ...It is that which witnesses the form, feelings, perceptions, mental formations and consciousness in this beingness we call "me.".

Brother Phap Lu'u uses a wonderful analogy from Thich Nhat Hanh's teaching in the below video. I look deeply into this analogy and come up with so many questions. Look at river, its flow dependent on everything around it... the time of year, the amount of boulders and stuff floating around in it, its banks and strictures, the muddy bottom, the wind, the weather.  The river is all these things yet these things are  constantly changing so it is none of these things.  If you take a jar of water from the river, do you have the river in the jar?  Does the river from which the water was taken cease to be? Where does this river begin and where does it end? (And I don't just mean on a map...I mean really...in the clouds or the earth?) In a drought when the waters are evaporated back up into the atmosphere, is the river no more, or is it just in a different form until the rains come again? 

Hmm! So many wonderful questions arise the more we let go of our clinging to ideas and simply accept we know so little.

All is well

Joseph Goldstein ( 2013) Mindfulness: A practical Guide to Awakening. Boulder: Sounds True

Plum Village ( March, 2019) First Person Applied Neuroscience/ Dharma Talk with Br. Phap Lu'u. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDB4L68Pius

Restlessness and Retirement

To put meaning in one's life may  end in madness. But life without meaning is the torture of restlessness and vague desire- It is like a boat longing for the sea and then afraid. 

Edgar Lee Masters

Question # 23: Why does retirement bring such restlessness? 
 

Find a purpose in your retirement and don't be afraid to launch your boat onto a different shore, one of Being rather than Doing. Learn to rest in yourself.

All is well! 

Truth Found In Life

 Truth is found in Life.

Br. Bhap Luu

I listened to another lovely dharma talk today. There is so much wisdom offered to all from the monks at Plum Village or Deer Park Monastery. I try to listen to even a snippet of this wisdom once a day, or at least several times a week.  It is how I begin my day and my practice of  "Living for Truth".  

I like my quiet solitude in the morning and will sit at the table drinking my tea...and I strive ( if "strive" is the type of word one wants to use in such a practice) to do just that...if I am drinking my tea, I just drink my tea. It is the most precious part of my day. Then I listen to or read some wise words of wisdom for about an hour. I will have pen and paper handy to take notes down if something said or read touches me. I may have my breakfast while I am listening or reading. From there I will do a walking meditation followed by the Salutations of the Sun.  And that leads me to my meditation practice of about thirty minutes: may be nothing more than mindful breathing where I use one bead of my mala as an in breath and the next as an out, setting my intention before I begin and doing two rounds. Or I may do a Tonglen or more of a free meditation allowing whatever is in me to come up.  I often do guided meditations as well, especially if my mind is very active that morning. I may do more walking meditation afterwards before proceeding to a bit of housework which I try to do mindfully.  Then I take my notes and come here to write an entry. 

Now that is my spiritual practice encompassing the whole morning and it is truly important to me. Of course, it is often interrupted for many different reasons and I flow with the interruptions coming back to my practice when I can. My yoga practice is done in the early evening as a class I offer to others or by myself. If the day allows I will do a Yoga Nidra in the afternoon. So this is so important to me and I learn so much and gain so much by this practice...but only a small portion of my learning, growing, evolving comes from this practice.  The rest comes from living my life and observing my own mind in response or reaction to the movement of Life through me and around me.  I try to record those observations and I offer them in my blog or in the  teaching videos I do.  I teach to learn and I learn to teach.

I know so well now, as Br Phap Luu teaches, that true learning does not come from any expert "out there" or any written text...as wonderful and helpful as these things are in pointing us in the right direction. It comes from going inward to the place of "not knowing"that lays beyond the concepts, the dogma, the experts and what they have to say to..."what is!"  If we want freedom, we don't just hear about it or read about it..."we taste freedom". Hmmm!

Anyway, there is so much wonderful pointing to learning in this video.  Do yourself a favour and listen to the whole thing. Then go about finding Truth in your Life.

All is well. 

Plum Village ( March 17, 2019) First Person Applied Neuroscience: Dharma Talk by Brother Phap Lu'u. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDB4L68Pius

A Message In A Dream

 

Did you know? That 70% of your dreams contain secret messages. The contain more weight and meaning than our conscious thoughts.

The Mind's Journal

I had one of "those" dreams last night...one of those dreams where I am being told a message  from the deepest realms of my subconscious.  I have had this dream once before where I was simply given a name.  I hear the name... and in both dreams I see it, signature wise,  written...In this dream I had last night, I  even see it etched, carved or doodled in an oval.  This name I have been given was so clear and so strong.  I was actually awakened to remember it.  I once dated a guy with this name... but I absolutely never think of him...never.  I probably would not recognize him if I seen him.  So the first time I dreamed of this name it was like "What the fork? ...why would I dream of him?"  It made no sense to me.  

Still...it was one of those dreams I know are significant so I recorded that dream both in my journal and for some reason on my phone.  When I had the dream again last night, almost a year later,...even stronger and more profound in the way it woke me up...I realized that I was only dreaming about the name, not the person...meaning that this name may belong to someone else.  So I began looking up this name today to see if I could come up with some link that made sense...and all I came up with was the name of some famous young  tik tok star I never heard of.  It was like What the fork?  That cannot be it. 

Hmmm! I don't know.  Somehow this dream connection, I strongly feel, has something to do with what I do here and with my writing in general and earning...but I don't know more than that.  So weird and cool at the same time. 

 I just looked up this guys signature...typing in  "signature for"  the name  and then image to see what came up... I discovered the name, in its more formal form, and  a very similar signature/ written text  belonging to two different people with this name.. Both the signatures are similar. 

The first one belongs to one of the American founding fathers lol...one I knew nothing about. As a Canadian, my knowledge of the States is limited.  I did take American History once in University but I never paid much attention. There is no way...I would have consciously  recognized that name as a founding father  or especially the signature. No way on this earth!!!  

The second one belongs to an artist who in the year of my birth came up an experiment to test the power of memory in art.  He created a drawing...written script on memory  in his own cursive writing and preceded to replicate it through memory four times.  It is like wow! My artist daughter and I were talking about her art that very day...about how it comes from a deeper  place than conscious awareness and we were also talking about dreams and memory. I had never heard of this guy or this experiment so I would never be thinking of that either. Yet...art, the signature , the name...Could it be that  my subconscious did have this information within it and for the reason of answering some unspoken question about art ( my writing) relayed it to me in this way. .  My subconscious woke me up  so I would remember its answer?  

When I think about dreaming this dream I am baffled. Why? The way this name came to me was too profound to ignore. I know, somehow,  it is related to what I do here but how is it related? Does the name  I seen and heard so clearly point to an old boyfriend I never think of, a tik tok star I never heard of, a founding father  I was never aware of , or an artist who used written script to prove a point about art and memory?  I still don't know but it means something...that I know. I am intrigued by the mystery of this message. 

Just thought I would share.

All is well! 

Yoga Nidra

 

First it is an intention

Then a behavior

Then a habit.

Then a practice

Then a second nature.

Then it is simply who you are. 

Brendon Burchard 

I am going to offer you a Yoga Nidra guided practice. 

What is Yoga Nidra? 

Yoga Nidra is often referred to as sleep meditation because unlike traditional meditation where one sits with spine erect in order to stay alert, with Yoga Nidra you are lying down and encouraged to touch the fringes of sleep without  actually falling asleep. Because this practice activates the pineal gland to secrete Melantonin, it allows for  a deeper state of relaxation than one would find in a seated practice or in sleep even.  In fact, one hour of Yoga Nidra is said to be equivalent to four hours of sleep. 

The cool thing about Yoga Nidra is that it allows access to the subconscious that we may not get during our waking states.  It gives us the opportunity to plant some new healthy life-affirming  seeds of intention in there to replace some of those  old subconscious beliefs.  A Sankalpa is often used in tis practice.

What is a Sankalpa?  

A Sankalpa is n intention or "heart desire"  set in the the form of "I am" like you were already achieving that which you want to achieve. For example:

• I am healing and my body is body and mind are healthy and whole.
• I am receiving the universe's abundance
• I am happy, peaceful and joyous
• I am loved and loving
• I am safe, secure  and well supported.  
• I am wealthy in all ways

The Sankalpa's are what you long for and are meant to be created by you. Like all beliefs we want to plant into the subconscious they must be relatable and believable to you. For example..."I am enjoying the million dollars in my account" may be hard for your subconscious to register as true.  Where as, "I am receiving abundance" may be more realistic.

Take a few minutes to come up with a Sankalpa before you begin the video below.  

Enjoy your practice! 

Namaste! 

The Voices in Your Head

 

Don't be a victim of negative self talk-remember You are listening.

Bob Proctor

Question # 22: What are these voices in our heads? 

All is well!

Being Mindful of Suffering

 Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people. The healthy man does not torture others-generally it is the tortured who turn into torturers. 

Until we make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. 

Carl Jung

As if on cue another beautiful video came into my perceptual field today...into my conscious awareness.  It was a video that took me farther on the journey I spoke of being on yesterday...trying to transform judgement into seeing clearly, fear and hate for those who hate and fear into empathy, and judgement and punishment into compassion and loving kindness. The title of the video did not give away the teaching that was so in sync with what I was thinking about the last few days.  

The Art of Suffering

The Art of Suffering was the topic in the first half, and the teaching spoke to how the energy of mindfulness and looking deeply can transmute the energy of suffering into joy and happiness.  We must accept and see our own suffering...even when we look at others who are suffering and acting out on that suffering.  We must recognize that that energy and that tendency is in us. ...that we too , if given the same circumstances, same past history, could unconsciously project our suffering out onto others as the people we tend to judge as "violent offenders" do. We need to recognize, accept this truth and then look deeply into their suffering and our own.  Suffering is brought on by unconsciousness. As Maya Angelou said, If they knew better, they would do better. 

The Healing Energy of Mindfulness

Becoming mindful, aware, and conscious is a way to understand suffering and then transform it. Al suffering is a shared because living is a shared experience. When we look deeply we begin to understand the root causes  of suffering as well as the consequences of suffering in others and in ourselves.  This understanding leads to compassion and loving kindness...and these two energies have the power to heal and transform suffering into joy and happiness for all. 

Chanting for Compassion 

About thirty minutes into the below video...a chanting practice is offered specifically aimed at bringing the light of compassion and loving kindness into suffering so that light can shine the darkness away.  It is so beautiful.  I encourage you to try it.  It is not prayer or some manifesting technique.  It is just a practice of mindfulness and concentration gently wrapped and assisted by the collective mindfulness of the sangha.   In this practice, instead of the habitual tendency to resist or close up to suffering with judgement , we look deeply into it. We think of someone we know who is suffering, or we think of our own suffering as we are mindful of each breath we take in.That's all.  We allow compassion and loving kindness take over.

 I focused my attention on all the people around me who are suffering  and the tears just poured down my face.  My mind just jumped from person to the next...focusing for a few moments on all those I have been praying for over the last little bit  I held each of them in my mind's arms until they and I were engulfed in the wonderful soothing arms of compassion and then my mind just took me to the next person.  There were some I had a hard time opening my heart fully too...so I took myself back to my own  resistance , and my own suffering maybe related to these individuals and I sat with that for a while before I could eventually open up to them. I often brought them down to children in my visualizations. That helped tremendously.  I could feel the tension I was holding  in my body leaving  with the flow of tears. I found myself full of compassion and loving kindness for those who seemed "easy" to love and for those who weren't so easy.  It was lovely.

Anyway...want to share that with you. 

All is well!

Plum Village (July, 2013) Our Address Is Here and Now. / dharma talk with Thich Nhat Hanh. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNWv9biEGKY

Thinking or Judging the Violent Offender

 

Thinking is difficult, that is why most people judge.

Carl Jung

I am thinking right now about how to transform  fear into compassion and understanding and I am wondering if that is the best way to diffuse violence? Isn't that what the great masters taught?  

Why am I thinking about such a thing? ...Because my gut and my chest are tight with fear.  I see what Eckhart Tolle would describe as a "pain body" in someone that is so reactive right now and I have evidence of how it can so easily take over the body and mind it is in. I see how this completely destructive and out of control unconscious energy  is projected out onto others, more specifically my loved one. What do I do with this evidence? 

Oh I know about these things, I do.  I have information  from others, experts, professionals,  the statistics showing how "dangerous" this unconscious person  is...how the "victim' needs to be protected and made safe away from this "evil".  I completely agree with  the fact that the person being projected on must be kept safe from the unpredictability of pain dominated unconsciousness...I do.. and am doing everything in my power.  But...are we, as a society,  thinking clearly in our approach to the person  that is acting so unconsciously or are we merely judging? 

Most of us would deem  this person as  "the evil villain "?  Our fear for the "victim" be they potential or actual pushes the offender  away and our judgement creates monsters out of them,  ostracizing them, punishing them instead of helping them. Does fearing, hating, pushing away, punishing, ostracizing and villainizing this person make things better?  Or does it make it worse?    Is there really a victim and a villain here? Or is this what our judgement is doing? Are we thinking clearly , skillfully, wisely in our our judgmental approach.  Yes by all means ...we need to do what ever we can to protect those that are being harmed or could be harmed by such unconscious energy...no one deserves that....but we do see, right, that what is directing all this is suffering ?  Beneath this unconsciousness is pain and a small victim who too was hurt in such a way... Aren't all parties actually innocent at the core?  Does not every human being deserve compassion and forgiveness for what they do.

This person is responsible and accountable for their actions as we all are.  None of us have the right as human beings to inflict pain on others because we are in pain.  We are responsible for what we do with this pain. And we all have pain and in some way inflict pain on others...as we are doing with these adult survivors who act out in such ways.  We can hate what they do...but does it do any good to hate them, as our judgments do?  Can we offer help, as a society, for them as well so that they begin the slow painful process of recovery?  Wouldn't we do more good to recognize this shadow self all of us have inside us in one form or another so we can recognize it in another in the early stages so we can intervene and break these vicious cycles of violence in our world. 

Instead of living with fear based judgement, maybe we can think about this issue a little more deeply...see all of it in its complexity and once again get to the root cause of all suffering...and the solution for it...Love not fear.

I am working very hard to let go of my judgement and to look at this situation with the eyes of compassion and love. 

All is well

On the Topic of Wisdom

 

If you know how to suffer, you suffer much less. 

Thich Nhat Hanh

What I neglected to mention in the previous video in regards to what wisdom is...is that wisdom is awareness.  It is an energy that brings us back to the only "time" there is , the only "place" there is...where we can see clearly what is....and that is in the here and now. Awareness is wisdom. Wisdom diffuses suffering and helps to generate joy and happiness.  It encompasses three things, according to Thich Nhat Hanh: mindfulness, concentration and insight. The wise know that suffering is useful, that it is the mud by which the beautiful lotus of happiness, compassion, kindness, joy and love grow. 

All is well!

Plum Village (2014) Appointment with life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6V2lEtKy7rY

Fool or Wise?

 

The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.

William Shakespeare, As You Like It

Question #21: What is wisdom and how do we obtain it? 

All is well!

Change the Content?

 Change your content!

Tips from Experts for Blogs Like Mine

Learned something new today about 100 percent bounce rates with 0.0 time on page lol.  Not likely a crawler or a bot but a human being checking in and checking out as quickly as they entered. I think one site referred to the cause  as the audience, "Checking in! Hating what they seen!  Checking out!" or something like that.  "Change your content!" was another piece of advice given on another site. Yep! Not well received lol.

The reason I thought it was a crawler or bot was becasue I am getting many more hits on my stats page from all over the world and many hits from the same  few sites over and over again. Yet these sites are not registering on analytics. So it is really confusing. Anyway...I am here in this place of feeling so pumped about what I am doing without any of the external gratification ego likes.  

I obviously won't change my content.  I have not set up this site to attract notoriety or money or to create an image of myself.  This is it...this is what I have to offer in all its imperfect glory...and I am putting it out there for reasons I do not understand. It is like...I am just here to plop down a message and whatever happens, happens.  I leave the rest  in the capable hands of the universe. It is all good. 

All is well.

Progressing With Less Thinking?

 Zen is all about not thinking

Eckhart Tolle 

Great masters like Maharishi often answer  the question, "How do we know if we are growing spiritually?",  with this answer: With the degree of absence of thinking.

We can measure our spirituality or a our progression towards a higher state of awareness by measuring how much we are thinking...more specifically with how little we are thinking.  How thought-full or thought-less we are  can also be measured in terms of how much we are reacting or how much we are responding to what is happening around us.  Even when we are still reactive, what is the degree of that reactivity? If you find yourself still flying back with a retort when someone says something that triggers you...you are still reacting yes...but are you at least now aware that you are reacting or if it is after the effect...that you have reacted.  That is progress! 

Another measure of our diminished thinking/reduced reactivity/ and our spiritual progression is the degree and amount of stillness and spaciousness we experience in a day...and not just when we are meditating. Are you learning to respond to Life from a place of spacious stillness or are you still reacting from emotional/thought induced reactivity? 

Just be aware of these things so you can measure how far you are coming.

All is well. 

Eckhart Tolle (February, 2022) How to Measure Your Spiritual Growth. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_jaO83YY8c

Helping Adult Children

 Being a good parent requires knowing when to push and when to back off, when to help and when to let them make mistakes, & then being strong enough to watch them go.

Unknown

Question # 20: How do we help our adult children suffer less? 

All is well! 

Dristadharmasukkha viharin

 Dwelling happily in the here and now

Drista dharma sukkha virahin, is a Sanskrit term that basically is translated to mean "dwelling happily in the here and now".  We are back to that teaching about coming back to the present moment so we can find find peace, joy and happiness. Right here and right now we have all the conditions we need to be happy...if nothing else we have breath and that is enough! 

Thich Nhat Hanh in another short teaching video tells us that there are three sources of happiness: concentration, mindfulness and letting go.

Concentration

What are you focusing on right now? Where are you putting your attention? On all those negative thoughts floating around in your head?  On what someone said to you yesterday that made you burn inside because it triggered something someone said years ago that caused you so much pain?  On some event that is coming up in the future that you are so dreading because you think it will make you even unhappier  or maybe it is an event you are looking forward to because you erroneously believe it will make you happy? Are you putting all your concentration on thoughts, feelings  or emotional experience at the exclusion of everything else? Or if you are like most humans with monkey minds...maybe your concentration and focus is jumping from one thing to the other? 

Mindfulness

Are you aware of where you are right now in this moment? Are you aware of the natural or man made environment around you?  The weather? Are you aware of your body position at this very moment  you are being hurled through space on this giant orb?  Are you aware of your feet, butt or back  planted on the earth, the gentle push of gravity holding yo in place, and your body's reaction to all around it? Are you aware of something as simple yet as life necessitating as your breath? Breathe...just be mindful of that breath going in and going out.

Letting Go? 

On every exhale are you able to let go of all those ideas, thoughts, feelings and "problems" you have been clinging to...just for the remainder of this exhale? Can you extend that letting go beyond the duration of a breath?  What ideas and unskillful notions about happiness and joy are you still clinging to?  Are you ready to let them go? 

Here and Now

The only place you can be happy, in fact the only place you can actually "be" is here and now. Are you ready to let go of your notions about past and future and just "be" here and now, accepting and allowing all that is in you and around you in this very moment? I hope so but if not...I hope you are at least willing to be more present, more free, more joyful and more happy...by refocusing your concentration, becoming more mindful and aware and letting go of all that which does not serve you. 

What I wish for you is Dristadharmasukkha-viharin

All is well.

Plum Village( July 2020) Nourishing Our Joy and Happiness/ Thich Nhat Hanh (short teaching) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KsQsmzm-ys

Waves Looking For Water

 

The wave does not have to look for water, because she is water.  You are what you are looking for.

Thich Nhat Hanh

I was reminded today of a beautiful analogy.  That we are all just waves looking for water.  When we seek our "happiness" out there in the external world of form we are, in a sense, looking for water in all the wrong places. When we are constantly grasping and clinging to all the objects of our craving, ducking and avoiding all the objects we think will disturb us...we are not viewing, thinking, speaking, acting, living, efforting, aware or concentrating in a wholesome, skillful way, in a   way  that will take us to that thing we really want...the water. We are  putting  our energy and effort into things that take us anywhere but there.  

We are like  waves yes...being swept up and pulled down, coming and going , blown around by wind and tide. If.we see ourselves as only one little wave on a vast and mighty ocean (as most of us do) this up and down and all around motion to our lives  feels exhausting and painful...creating fear, anxiety, frustration, guilt, shame, anger and despair. It  is indeed suffering. That is why we, as humans, seek pleasure and do what we can to avoid more pain.  So lost are many of us that we forget that the wave (this body, this mind we see as separate) originated from the ocean...that it is just an extension of it. The thing we truly want and need in our lives is peace, security, stability...and peace is the watery depths we long to float in. The wave wants this  water and fails to realize it is this water it is seeking.It is not separate from the ocean...it never was...so it never had to seek water...it always was water. 

There is no searching...no seeking required...just a realization of who we are. Once the wave realizes it is water, it automatically relaxes into the peace, stability and security of what it is and always was. It comes home; it comes back to its Self. Once we realize who we are beyond all the craving, grasping, clinging, pushing away, avoiding, defending, protecting this idea of a separate "little me"  and come back to  Self. 

This doesn't mean that the up and down momentum of Life is going to cease to be and that everything will be smooth sailing after that.  It just means that we, in this peaceful spacious place of water, of Self of Source...are no longer disturbed by the up and down momentum of Life.

All is Well! 

The Guru To Listen To: You!

You are always your own best guru, your own best teacher. The answers are always inside you.

Sathya Sai Baba

Question # 19: Why Should I Listen To You? 

Answer in a nutshell:  You Shouldn't!!! Listen to You! 

 

All is Well!

"Absolutely Nuts!" or "Absolutely Right!"

 What I think , what I say, what I do is my only true continuation.

Brother Phap Luu

Hmm!  I heard those words spoken today in a lovely dharma talk from Plum Village. (See link below) . And I was reminded of a discourse, not sure from what sutra or text, that I once heard  translated by Thich Nhat Hanh as:

My actions are my only true belongings. 

I cannot escape the consequence of my actions. 

My actions are the ground on which I stand. 

Many of us are driven to succeed...to achieve and gain, to get ahead.  We call this our ambition, our drive but is it what we really want? If we after years of great effort and struggle finally find ourselves  surrounded with all the material  abundance in the world, all the prettiest most successful people, recognized as being number one in our chosen field...will we be happy?  Really? 

How often do we actually stop and look deeply into the path we are on to see if it is taking us to where we really want to go?  If we did, we would likely  see that our misguided efforts  may actually be bringing us down the path of suffering, rather than the path of happiness. You see, all the things we are grasping for and clinging to...will never last, they are like grains of  beach sand sliding through our fingers.  We cannot hold onto them no matter how we cling...like all things in this material world they slip away.  When we reach the end of our life span's and someone asks us what we achieved in this incarnation,  we will proudly  open our palms to show them , only to discover that they are empty.

We need to keep our worldly ambitions in check. We need to ask ourselves again and again: Do I want to be number one or do I want to be happy? 

When we are pondering what it is we truly want from Life, what we want to achieve in these bodily forms, and what our deepest aspirations are ...we should keep Br Phap Luu's and Thich Nhat Hanh's words in mind. All we can truly leave behind, that which we can say belongs to us, are our thoughts, our words, our actions. It is the only thing we truly own. The only ting we can pass on. 

I think I finally get that and that is why I am on this crazy mission to share what I am discovering with my Self exploration, with any progress I make in getting to know my own mind better.  To others...what I do here is "absolutely nuts."...but to some deeper part of me it feels so right.  I, as this "little me",  don't understand this compulsion I have to share like this...with my words and videos.  So many times I catch myself agreeing with that opinion, "This is absolutely nuts! Look at all the time and effort you are putting into this...and what are you getting from it? Definitely no wealth, so little recognition. Why?" Yet, here I am again and again. My aspirations is to learn and therefore teach...so the action  I feel compelled to undertake is write and speak about that which I am learning.  I am leaving my thoughts behind in words and speech. It is my continuation. I am fulfilling my greater aspiration and enjoying every minute of it, hardly concerned about the outcome. In this moment, right here and right now, I am guided to follow my deepest aspirations.  How can that be wrong? 

Hmm! It may seem  absolutely nuts to anyone who looks on and even to me at times....but there is something coming from my deeper Self that keeps telling me to sit here, to write, to speak what I am learning.  To the Deeper Self...this is not absolutely nuts, it is "absolutely right" ( Right thoughts, Right speech, Right action and Right effort!)  

All is well

Plum Village (June, 2019) No Where To Go, Nothing To, Do/Business Retreat, Brother Phap Luu https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9m7oZlH2Lw

Difference Between the True Self and the Psyche

 The moment you understand yourself as the true Self, you find such peace and bliss that the impressions of the petty enjoyments you experienced before become as ordinary specks of light  in front of the brilliant sun.

Sri Swami Satchidananda (2011) The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Integral Yoga Publications, page 27-28

Question 18: What is the difference between the true Self and the psyche? 

All is Well! 

A Wave Looking For Water

  As An Island Onto MySelf,

Sangha is My Five Skandas working in harmony. 

Taking Refuge In MySelf; Coming Back To MySelf 

I Am Free.

From: Thich Nhat Hanh (2011) peace is every breath,Harper One, page 37

In a beautiful dharma talk today by the late Thich Nhat Hanh I was reminded that we are  often like waves looking for water. As waves we are upset and tired  as we go up and down, blown around my storms, caught up in the whirl pools of external and internal turbulence and desperately seek some solidity, some peace...some calm water to rest in. Of course, as waves, we are the very water we are searching for, the very solidity and stability, the spaciousness or emptiness we are seeking refuge in.  We need to come back to the water we are emanating from by simply realizing we are it.  It is in us. 

In the above gatha we are encouraged to bring this truth, and therefore the awareness of God's peace,  back to our our five skandas: Body, Feeling, Perception, Mental Formations { thoughts, emotions, moods, mind states} and Consciousness...so we feel that liberation, that freedom. Waves will continue to go up and down as waves do.  Life will continue to offer us the impermanent and unpredictable but every time we remember we are water, that we are "islands onto ourselves", we will feel peace and deal with Life through that peace. Hanh refers to this as "Resting in God." 

As waves, great peace will come to help us deal with Life once we realize we are the very  water we are looking for.

All is well! 

Plum Village App (August 2020) Resting in God/Thich Nhat Hanh https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6t_jXu6P70

Gaining Clarity

 

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly.

Antoine de Saint Exupery

I just wanted to mention...since this is a blog about waking up ...that I have somehow gotten through another layer of the subsoil that truth is buried under.  I fell a little deeper yesterday into a greater understanding.    As I was reflecting on my children's impending loss and my past ( namely the divorce) I was shocked to realize that I was suddenly seeing Life more clearly and with much more love and connection than I ever was aware I was seeing it before.  I found myself  embracing the suchness of things as they were and as they are. I felt this great love and appreciation for all of Life and all the people around me then and now. I could see so clearly how foolish that division between my ex and myself was...how foolish all such "idea" of division was.  I felt light and free, peaceful. My heart was open, truly open and it remains such.  I love this clarity and though it cannot be explained in words because it goes way beyond the intellect...I wanted to share what I could.

All is well . 

Keeping The Heart Open

 By closing your heart, you are not really protecting yourself from anything. You are just cutting off your source of energy and locking yourself inside.

Michael Singer

Question 17: What is meant by keeping the heart space open? 

All is well! 

Can We Help The Younger Generation See The Value Of The Mud?

 Suffering is a kind of mud, happiness is a kind of lotus, and if we know how to make good use of suffering we can produce the beautiful lotus of happiness. 

Thich Nhat Hanh

As D. and I were sitting at the table this morning with our tea and coffee we were talking about how we, this generation, could "reach" what I see as the "suffering" age group, young adults,  to assist them in getting beyond their suffering to healing.  We were  looking at our own children and the people they knew and both agreed that the true source of their suffering has a lot to do with the fear of pain in all the many forms it comes in.  It is a fear-based population. 

Two Emotional Driving Energies In Suffering: Fear and Desire

In the small section of this population that we are observing, there seems to be two driving emotional energies...Fear  and Desire. Fear shows up in so many forms from social anxiety, to phobia, to  generalized anxiety and to  paralyzing agoraphobia. Regardless of what you call it though...fear is fear.

What is it they seem to be fearing?   Pain!

From the information I am gathering, it seems to be pain in its many forms they are are fearing, ranging from boredom to full blow grief or despair.  The discomfort of fear is one of those pains  that they are fearing...creating a fear of fear itself.  Fearing pain, fearing fear...they are lead into the unhealthy coping mechanism of "avoidance".  They avoid by resisting the reality of pain in anyway they can...through stuffing, denying, numbing. They also try to fix and manipulate external reality so that it doesn't activate  pain. 

Desire

This takes them to the other emotional energy that seems to be driving them...Desire. Of course they desire to be free of pain which is healthy and normal to some extent...but they erroneously assume that the only way to be free of pain is to have its opposite in their life at all times..."pleasure". So they spend a great deal of their energy grasping and clinging to things they assume will bring pleasure: they buy "things" and develop shopping and spending issues, they use food , sex, electronics, the stimulation from screen activity,  and substances in unskillful ways. They focus on superficial images rather than on depth and what is substantial, attempting to create, for example,  a perfect social image so they gain social recognition on their social pages, seeking happiness from how others may view that "image" which usually only encapsulates a small portion of who they are.  

They strive and strive for pleasurable life experiences by grasping and clinging at the external world of form and what it offers.Yet they are constantly disappointed by the inability to maintain this pleasure. They may gain a semblance of happiness for a while, validating in some way that externally derived pleasure can stop pain.  Pleasure  never lasts, however...someone puts a negative comment on their social page and they are shattered. The substance wears off and they feel worse than they did before...so they need more and more. They go into debt and even bankruptcy because of their spending and still they continue to grasp a glimpse of pleasure by ordering more of  the boxes that land on their door steps. 

Making the Human Condition  Into a Disorder

Yet even with all this pleasure seeking...they still feel it within them...that discomfort, that pain they so try to avoid feeling.  Then they  listen to their overactive minds that tell them that something is wrong with them if all "this" doesn't bring and sustain pleasure...that the pain they are attempting not to feel is "bad, wrong, shouldn't be." This experience then must be a disorder that needs to be labelled, diagnosed and treated. So they get the label and become attached to that, needing prescribed  chemicals to stop the pain. And the cycle begins again.

Awe!  Of course, this is only coming from  what I  see as I  view the small population sub section in front of me  It is not my intention to stereotype  the whole age group this way and I am also definitely not trying to diminish the reality of mental illness and the need for treatment.  I am just saying that maybe we could try a different therapeutic approach  before we resort to that one.  Maybe, before we label what they are experiencing as an individual disease or disorder, we could look at the collective whole for a better understanding of this suffering and the root cause of it. Maybe we need to go deeper and thus  teach them to go deeper. 

How do we teach them to go deeper when going deeper means facing the very thing they are afraid of...pain?

That is the question I ask myself on a daily basis when I look at the suffering my own children are experiencing. What I meet when I very gently approach the subject or offer a yoga practice or steer them toward mediation...any thing that suggests they have to sit or be with what is real...without distraction...is of course, great resistance.  If I dare answer any of them when they say, "I don't know what to "do" with what I am feeling?" ..."Just sit with it."   "Do nothing"  ...they look at me as if I just slapped them across the face and they seem to want to return the favor. The fear that shoots across their faces and the way they shut down when I say , "There is no other way.  You need to go through in order to get out!", makes me wonder how I am ever going to share with my children what I have learned, let alone have them benefit from it. 

I know the answer in every cell of my body is: In order to be truly healthy and happy, our children need to learn to touch reality as it is, to embrace the " suchness" of life which includes the pain they so want to avoid.  Before we can even begin to help them, I suppose, we need to master that approach to Life ourselves.  So I am in the habit now, every time I fail in getting through to my adult children, I go back to my practice and I remind myself to go and stay in the deeper space of my being. 

Hmmm! Maybe someday, they will follow me there. 

All is well!

Plum Village App (July 2020) Touching Reality As It Is/ Thich Knat Hanh https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICA2gjhwqa8

Stay or Leave With Love

Some people believe that holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go then do it.

Ann Landers

This video I did yesterday in response to the question I pulled out was actually question # 26: Should I leave my partner when he or she does not make me happy?  But I found myself writing today about the painful letting go and /or leaving that comes with death and that which comes with divorce. Somehow the topics came together. So I offer this video now. 

 Point: Whether you decide to leave or stay, do so with love.

All is well! 

To my American friend, Safari MacIntosh. (Can I call you Mac?) ...I just want to let you know that I see you have been visiting . I see that you have crept  in again through the back door I left open,  leaving another trail  of old foot prints across the floor. By the  number of muddy prints on  the tile, fitting the same shoes size, I can tell  you were here before.  In fact, I know you have been  here quite often, searching through my cupboards and looking in my drawers. 

I am not quite sure what you are looking for.  I am not sure what you want from this place or if you ever found it.  I am not even sure who or what you are exactly.  You somehow are able to remain quite stealth like in your visits, appearing and then disappearing so quickly the security system can only resister you as a blurry shadow. You leave  nothing but traces of your foot prints and occasional finger prints as evidence that you indeed were here. Otherwise who would know? Who would care?

I care, only because I am not sure why you are coming in through the back door instead of the front...why you are sneaking in rather than accepting my open invitation. Your intention, it seems by how quickly you look around and are gone again, is not to visit me.  You have no desire to sit with me at the kitchen table over a cup of tea  and discuss those things that I so want to discuss with others. I am not even sure you know what type of house you entered and what the owner of that house is all about.  I don't think you care to know.  You have other motives in mind.  

That's okay... as long as your intentions here are not filled with malice or ill will. If you do not mean me or others harm, make yourself at home and help yourself to what I have in my cupboards. Just have a little respect for the property and the owner of this place, will ya, while you are here? 

It's all good

Love is Acceptance and Appreciation Of What Is

  The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partner as he or she is, without needing to judge or change them in anyway. That immediately takes you beyond the ego. All mind games and addictive clinging are then over. There are no victims and no perpetrators anymore, no accuser nor accused. This is also the end of all codependency, of being drawn into somebody else's unconscious pattern and thereby enabling it to continue. You will then either separate-in love- or move ever so deeply into the Now together-into being .

Eckhart Tolle

Compassion For Others Grieving the Loss of Great Love

Suffering, suffering, suffering!  I see so much around me and my heart wants to break under the weight of it. My children are all suffering with the pending loss of someone they love dearly, a someone who loves them and who was nothing but kind to them. Her body is being neurologically overwhelmed  at the fastest of speeds by a small protein,  a protein that creates such havoc in only one  in a million people. One in a million...that, to me, is a very clear note from God saying, "You have been especially chosen, Your work is done. I want you home now Dear." Even though she is only a bit older than me her time is coming very soon.  The disease progression is faster than normal human  processing time. Maybe she has already left her body while her loved ones are still shaking their heads wondering what is going on. My children go between being numb to full blown grief over this pending loss.  And seeing their dad suffer so makes it even harder for them. On top of that they have their own personal issues to deal with... those issues so many of their age group are experiencing: depression, anxiety, addiction. I feel so bloody helpless. 

Pain Fueling Divisions 

Though my heart breaks for my ex husband and what he is experiencing right now...I feel what I can "do" is limited.  A line has been drawn after our divorce and "this" is on the other side of that line.  I offer my services, my support but it won't be accepted because of that division...understandably. Yet our children have to cross back and forth over that line as they have done for sixteen years and so does my heart.  I see the foolishness of such divisions now, and the pain those borders can cause. I am not saying that walking away from a relationship is something we should never do...No...our divorce was very necessary for both of us. We were not at our best together and because neither of us were truly healthy at the time of our union,  what we mixed together with our energies became toxic. For everyone's sake we had to divorce. We both grew tremendously when we went our separate ways. Besides, if we didn't separate, he would never have found that "great " love he found with the woman he is losing now. 

The Option of Separating With Love

But so much precious time was wasted on  anger, and blame and resentment...on holding onto grievances...on clinging to the need for this line. And though we did our best with the children...they suffered from it.  Not from the divorce...that never really bothered them...but from that line that was drawn between us.  Instead of parting in toxic resentment  over unmet expectations we had of each other to fulfill and fix, we could have taken responsibility for our own happiness, parting  sooner with love and appreciation.    

True Love Extends Beyond Divisions  

I am feeling great love and appreciation now for all involved. I feel great compassion.  I feel great pain. It brings me to tears many times a day. Though it may not be deemed "pleasant", observing others and this little clump of flesh and mind I call "me" through this experience has helped me to grow in greater understanding. I am grateful for that. 

Appreciating What Is

This is Life doing what Life does and it is not mine to do anything about except offer  love in the truest way. Love...true love...is not based on expectation and condition...it is simply appreciation for what is.  As Eckhart Tolle teaches, we do not need to be loved to feel love.  And it is so wonderful to be able to feel love and appreciation for all  others, and for all of Life...even in times like this. 

All is well.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres....Love never fails.  

1. Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV

Freedom From Our Thoughts

 

As the mind, so the person; bondage or liberation are in your own mind.

Sanskrit saying.

Question # 16: How do we deal with all those thoughts in our heads? 

There is an estimated 60,000 thoughts a day floating around in our heads, 90 percent of them are said to be repetitive and 80 percent said to be negative. We are in there somewhere and need to set ourselves free.

All is well! 

Letting Go of Our Clinging to the Precious

 Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness.  If in our heart, we still cling to anything, -anger, anxiety or possessions-we cannot be free.

Thich Nhat Hanh

I watched another lovely dharma talk today from Deer Park Monastery...and it touched me deeply. I listened to a strong human being, in the form of a Buddhist monk, speak about his journey through the very challenging path of cancer. He spoke mostly about letting go of our notion of lucky or unlucky for our willingness to simply let Life do as Life does, bringing a variety of experience our way -pleasant, unpleasant and neutral.  In the height of his cancer he refused to "fight" with the malignant cells in his body and chose to recognize them as just other living things wanting to live. He spoke to them daily in an attempt to explain to them that their clinging and fighting to take over his body would not bring them true freedom...his body would die and with it so would they.  He offered them instead a cooperation and a union within him...so they, together, could transcend to true freedom. The cells just had to let go of their need to cling to him and he, in turn, let go of any idea of how life "should be",  accepting all as it is. He developed a compassion for these cells and a renewed passion for Life, exempt from the "clinging" most of us do.  He said something that struck me deeply. I can only paraphrase:

When we don't let go of grasping and clinging, we fail to simply enjoy the preciousness of that which we are clinging to.

Our clinging to Life and our ideas of how life should be stops us from truly experiencing the preciousness of Life itself.

Hmm! Please listen!

Plum Village ( May, 2019) Br. Phap Ho -Lucky or Unlucky? -Deer Park Monastery. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3J0GleoaIE 

 What does it mean, I wonder,  when one's analytics catches a bounce rate of 100 percent and a session reading time of 0.00.00  belonging to a new user ? lol.  All good. It must have been a crawler or a bot escaping through the filter. I am assuming if it was a real person registering the high bounce rate...they would have to have a session reading time of at least 0.00.01...don't you think? They would have to have read the first word of the title, at least, of the entry their search engine took them to before they decided they were on the wrong highway.  

It is kind of cool to have bots visiting...they don't stay long but that is okay. The fact that someone's mind was able to come up with such an idea and create such a thing is quite incredible. ...incredible and a little creepy I feel like there are drones overhead scouting out the perimeters of my yard while the controller sees if there is anything worthwhile landing for.  Cool and  a bit concerning at the same time  :) 

I am so glad I discovered the truth about my readership.  I feel more than okay knowing that it  is tiny and that my ego is not running the show here.  Otherwise...I would have left the building by now. It truly is all good!

All is well. 

What Is Yoga?

 Yoga is the stilling of the changing states of mind. When that is accomplished, the seer abides in his own true nature.

Patanjali

Question #15; What is Yoga? 

If you can control the rising of the mind into ripples, you will experience Yoga.

Patanjali

All is well!

Still Measuring Human Doing?

The measure of achievement is not winning awards. It is doing something that you appreciate, something that you believe is worthwhile.

Julia Child  

Monthly Measurement

 The last day of January and I am thinking about what I accomplished this month.  It is so hard to slip away from that idea of doing to achieve, isn't it?  Maybe that is because we are not suppose to stop "doing" completely.  Maybe "human doing" is a part of the "human being" experience. Do you think that is why it is so hard to put down our to-do lists altogether or  to, at least , stop checking things off in our heads? I don't know.  I often write and speak and think about getting beyond the need for  measuring our doing but I found myself today measuring.  How many of my resolutions, if any, have I stuck to?  What tasks  did I accomplish , in this first month of 2022, to set me on my way in my writing, wellness practice, or higher practice? 

Ego Measures Doing

I chastised myself for doing it but there I was mentally checking off what I accomplished and setting intentions for finishing this or that by midnight tonight. For example, I have done 23 videos...answered 23 questions and my mind tells me that should be a 25.  Even though I entered this self-created challenge on January first with an intention of attaching little to no expectation to the doing of this...attaching little to no expectation for outcome...part of my mind says , "A nice round quarterly figure like 25 would be nice. Just do two more today and you will reach your goal."  My goal?  Is it my goal?  Or ego's goal to get to 25?   I doubt that   higher Self would care if I did 2.5,  25 or 2500 videos ...but ego likes the sound of  me saying, "I created 25 videos this month." Ego likes to measure doing. 

I "accomplished" a few other little things: In the writing world: continued to write a blog entry almost everyday, got an old novel out to a publisher, will by midnight tonight have finished proof reading my sister's great novel, I wrote one poem, came up with another idea for yet another book ( these ideas have to slow down...I am finding I am so overwhelmed with ideas and starts to  writing projects that I freeze and do nothing...I take that back lol...I don't want those ideas to stop coming...I just want to find a way to organize my writing so it is organized and goal directed...does that mean I need a to-do list after all? lol) ) .

I accomplished other things too...got through a COVID crisis without getting COVID but was able to support others who had it. I began and almost finished a little DIY project, something I have been meaning to create for over a year...finally I buckled down this weekend to begin it and though it definitely needs some tweaks and some more effort on my part...it is almost there. (Of course, ego is saying..."Oh get that done before midnight and you can add that to your list of January achievements" .  Shut up ego! lol ) I began and finished another great book that I added to the  learning taking me farther down this path. Been doing fairly well if not perfectly, drinking my one and a half litres of water a day as I resolved to do this year. 

Being...the Real Accomplishment

Hmmm! anyway...January has slipped away so quickly.  Whether I did or did not do enough this month, I was!  And that is the most important thing...being. I was and am. 

All is well! 

Wounded By Trauma

 Trauma is a fact of Life.  It does not, however, have to be a life sentence. 

Peter A. Levine

Question #14. I have been wounded by trauma.  How can I be normal? 

Ooooh! Scary face. 

NO EXPERT HERE! Please seek the help of professionals and people much more advanced than me if you are dealing with trauma. I am only sharing my own experience and my own learning on these pages. By no means am I saying I have all the answers...I don't. 

All is well! 

Infested with Creepy Crawlers

Humble yourself or you will be humbled.

Unknown 

Sigh!  Finally got my google analytics to work. :) And I discovered, much to ego's massive deflation...like a balloon shooting across the room after  being released right before its opening was tied lol...this site is infested with creepy crawlers...and bots.  These are the so called readers making my readership go up and my head swell . 

There is no 75,000 readers.  If my calculations are correct there may be 5 ( and I don't mean 5,000...or 500...I mean 5). Oh I have to laugh at that...

I knew my readership was small and I (my ego) was okay with that as long as I felt I was getting through to one person. This stats page was showing that I had persistent and consistent readership from a Macintosh computer. using Safari over the last few months, registering from the States and for a few weeks from Japan.  It was making the numbers hike. I  had myself believing this American Macintosh computer user  was  a dedicated reader I was actually reaching lol.  I discovered today, sadly,  it was not a reader after all ...but a bot or a creepy crawler.  (Not that I should call all web crawlers creepy...most are harmless but some, however, are not so harmless.)   That  readership is not showing up on real time on my google analytics... .. therefore that provides confirmation that this so called reader was nothing but a thought in my head. I am not sure what this crawler or bot  wants from this site it taps into almost everyday...certainly not going to make anything off of me. It will find no cheese here.  I have this image of a little mechanical rotten always going back to the same spot because it knows no better...never getting ahead. Oh my ego!!! How absolutely silly it is. I was brought down out of the clouds of make belief and into the comforting but sometimes strict arms of reality. I am glad for that. I am.  I want to see things as they are, not as I want them to be. 

All is well.  a bit red-faced maybe...but well.  lol. 

Storms of Life

 It is not  question if we will encounter a storm. But when and how we will navigate and survive the test.

Pat Day

We are buckling down in preparation for a "Nor'Easter' in my part of the world.  We are expecting a possible blizzard to blow through .  It will likely blow through hard, possibly blowing down power lines and leading to power outages.  Line ups in grocery stores, gas stations and hardware stores  will be long today. We know what to expect here and how to prepare. :) 

It is windy out there now.  I see my little Oak trees out front blowing this way and that as the snow begins to whirl around them.  Small flakes.  My Dad, who used to drive a snow plow in the winter months, always said you can tell how bad a storm is going to get by how big the snow flakes were...the smaller, the more warning offered by nature.  And one also has to watch the way those flakes come down...directed by the wind. A North East wind is a warning to take cover. Swirling is not good lol.  

The storm is descending over us...there is no doubt about that. I am okay with that reality. It is what it is.  Storms come and storms go...we have no choice but anchor down and get through them.

Hmmm!  I think of that as I think of the Life storms people are experiencing right now.  Someone very close to my children, a dear sweet soul, is struggling to stay alive after being hit with a sudden and strange neurological condition that has progressed to the point where she is fighting to breathe...She has gone from an active, cheery person to someone who cannot see, walk or talk ...all in a matter of weeks. And no one knows why. It pains me to think of her and those who love her suffering. And of course, because of COVID restrictions, she is alone in the hospital right now. 

I sat on my daughter's bed last night as she wept and I could do nothing but offer presence. I mean I am constantly praying and sending as much positive thoughts and feelings her way as I can...asking that all of them be surrounded by a warm blanket of love, peace and faith....I wish with all my heart  that they all find a precious anchor in this storm as it blows through their lives. 

 Regardless of how it turns out, may they find themselves firmly rooted in that which will keep them safe.   

Hmmm!  I hope that the energy of my intentions, at least,  does something positive. 

All is well! 

Life's longing for Itself

 

Your children are not your own.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you, but not from you. 

And though they are with you yet,they belong not to you.

Kahlil Gibran

Question #13: What to do with reclusive, video -playing adult son? 

This is the second time I am putting this up...I literally watched it disappear this morning off this site  without any conscious effort from me ( at least none that I am aware of).  So I am putting it up again. 

All is well!

 Blog entries are literally disappearing ...I did not remove the blog I had up yesterday...but it is gone.  I watched as it went from published to draft and then gone without any help from me? 

Releasing the Shadows

 Setting the Shadows Free

Allow the shadows to emerge.

Allow those dark emotional secrets  

to slip through the tiny opening

your willingness is creating. 

Let them creep and crawl,

twist and maneuver, 

their ghostly way 

through that tiny space,

pulling themselves 

from the trunk you held them in,

its cover now musty with age,

its rusty lock now too fragile to secure

what you once wanted hidden. 

Allow these shadow entities 

that fear had  so desperately 

 squished, shoved 

 and locked 

into  the steamer trunk 

of the forbidden

to be released.

Forbid them, no more. 

Even though your hand still trembles,

and your heart beats loudly in your ears,

lift the lid slowly 

with your desire for healing.

Free the hidden darkness  

one shadow at a time.

Allow these phantoms 

to expand and growl loudly   

as they fill themselves with the air 

of  their emancipation.

Though  fear may forcefully ask  you to,

don't quiver in their wake,

don't step back, 

don't push them  down again  into 

the depths of that container.

Hold your own

as they stretch  before your eyes,

feel what was so denied 

and watch 

as each menacing shadow

 blows through you 

like a puff of formless smoke 

and then is gone. 

This is not the hidden shadows' liberation,

but your own.

With every ghost you set free,

you are freer. 

Surrender to 

and let go of 

the darkness

you hold inside. 

© Dale-Lyn (Pen) January, 2022

Hmmm! My first poem of 2022.  It came out in thirty minutes ... good or bad or neutral...it is what it is and was meant to be, coming from the deeper place, I suppose. Something tells me it  is supposed to be here on this page.

Recently, I have been  absorbed by this idea of "emotional emancipation" and the needed  letting go of all those suppressed, repressed emotions in order to heal and be free.  So many "forbidden" emotional energies we have stuffed inside us, as  human beings  trying to cope in this busy world. As long as those energies are inside us, as long as we resist them because we see them as "wrong" or "bad" or too painful and as long as most of our life effort  goes toward attempting to resist them and prevent them from coming up, getting poked or triggered...we will never be truly free...We will suffer! 

Now entwined with that "emotional emancipation" is the confrontation of the Shadow Self...that dark side of humanity we so want to deny. Jung's notion of the shadow Self has been on my mind too and I can see how anything about us that keeps us or others from realizing the perfect image we want to create...gets stuffed inside that "forbidden" trunk. 

Surrendering and letting go...is the way to go. ( Note: of course we may need help to face and let go of these stuffed memories and emotions...especially if there has been trauma...build a support network, professional or otherwise,  first!) 

All is well! 

One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.

Carl Jung https://academyofideas.com/2015/12/carl-jung-and-the-shadow-the-hidden-power-of-our-dark-side/

Refuge

 

Attadipa Saranam 

[Taking Refuge in the Island of Self]

Being, an island unto myself,

Buddha is my mindfulness,

shining near, shining far.

Dharma is my breathing,

guarding body and mind.

I am Free.

As an island unto myself,

Sangha is my five skandhas

working in harmony.

Taking refuge in myself,

Coming back to myself,

I am free.

Breathing in, breathing out,

I am blooming like a flower,

I am fresh as the dew.

I am solid as a mountain.

I am firm as the Earth.

I am free.

Breathing in, breathing out,

I am water reflecting what is real,

what is true;

And I feel there is a space

deep inside of me.

I am free. 

from: Thich Nhat Hanh's Peace is Every Breath,(2011), Harper One, page 36-37

As I mentioned yesterday, I often use this Gatha as part of a walking or breathing meditation. I have revamped the practice over the last couple of days in tribute to a great teacher whose presence on this planet has made a wonderful difference to so many beings. 

I don't want you to get hung up on this Gatha's  Buddhist terminology...on terminology at all.  I want you to see beyond the terms, beyond religion, to what is meant. 

In Buddhist teaching  there are the three jewels: the Buddha, the dharma and the Sangha. These jewels though very important to Buddhist practice can be found in almost any spiritual practice...just with different labels or names. .All the term 'buddha' means is "enlightened one". There is and have been, in fact, many buddhas in this world  from all types of cultures and religions. Most of us on this path  to Self realization, regardless if we are Catholic or Hindu, are seeking to be buddhas ( though we may not use that term).  The Buddha, however,...was  a man that attained buddhahood in a particular way and then set out to teach how he achieved it. This is how Buddhism started. The Buddha  was an enlightened teacher and the founder of Buddhism, not a "god".

The Dharma...is a Sanskrit word that simply means  "the teachings and the way to understanding and love"(Hanh, 2011).  It is just a word pointing to something that is universal and non-denominational.

Sangha is the name for spiritual community or the people who support us on our paths. The Sangha could be your congregation, your parish, your AA group or your reading club.  Again...just a term that is not specific to Buddhism.

The Five Skandhas are the elements of who we are in form: body, feelings, perceptions, mental formations[thoughts and beliefs], and consciousness. 

So keep that in mind as you read. We are encouraged in this Gatha to take refuge in the deeper spacious Self within us.  It is like an island that is undisturbed by anything the world has to offer or throws at us. It is stillness and it is quiet. 

How do we get to this island?  

Mindfulness can bring us back to present moment, to here and now, so we can think clearly and have more to give. When we become "aware" of what is happening to us or around us and look upon it all as observers...rather than getting lost in it, we are on our way to our island vacation.

Breathing also gets us there. It  is an anchor that takes us back into body, and  a "clearer" non reactive mind, protecting us from ego's pull towards story, drama and reactivity.

 And when our bodies, thoughts, views, feelings and consciousness are all working in balance,  we can take refuge in the Self within. 

Hmm...this is how we find our emancipation from the prison of emotional reactivity and suffering...by  taking refuge in the island of Self..

All is well.

Thich Nhat Hanh (2011) peace is every breath. New York: Harper One

The Purpose of Life?

 Awareness is the power that is concealed in the present moment...The ultimate purpose of human existence, which is to say, your purpose, is to bring that power into the world. 

Eckhart Tolle https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/purpose-of-life

Question 11: What is the Purpose of Life? 

All is well!

Emotional Emancipation

 Emancipate yourself from mental slavery. None but ourselves, can free our minds. 

Bob Marley ( I believe taken from a famous quote of Marcus Garvey) 

Emotional Emancipation 

I picked up a new phrase today and it is sticking to me...resonating with every cell in my body.  That phrase is "emotional emancipation" and it is that that I am moving toward on this path.  Many would call it liberation, yoga, enlightenment, awakening, freedom from suffering...and it is all those things...but to my practical, psychology focused mind...this is the term that hits home.

Freedom from  Being Trapped By Emotion

Do we not all want freedom from the prison our untamed emotions keep us in.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with emotion.  It just that moving ( thus the 'motion'in e-motion) energy...neither good or bad but our judging the feeling of it as pleasant, unpleasant or neutral keeps us trapped to it , doesn't it?  We are so trapped( attached to , desperate for, clinging, addicted) to the pleasant emotions and all we erroneously believe will allow us to experience those emotions all the time so we do not suffer. We are so trapped by our negative emotional energies too...they can stop us in our tracks and keep us imprisoned, so we are fearing those tings that may trigger these emotions,  always fighting to 'avoid' them or to  'escape' from that prison. 

Neutral Response 

We forget that there is another type of feeling  we can experience and that is neutral...These emotions we are attached to because we deem them as pleasant  will never free us. The emotions we deem as unpleasant, that we run from, can never really imprison us unless we let them.  Neutral means no reactivity...just observing, experiencing and allowing all to flow through.  This is what happens when we are emotionally emancipated.  We are free from the effect emotional energy can have on us.  Our lives are no longer determined by our need and desperate seeking for pleasant and our avoidance of unpleasant.  We accept all and are free of suffering. Hmmm! 

This is what so many masters teach...using so many different terms to describe it...but it is all basically just freedom from the power our emotions have over us.  It doesn't mean we stop feeling...we are just no longer trapped by that feeling...no longer attached.   We learn to step back from reactive mind to that spacious Self within and view thee experience from there...neither good or bad...just as it is. 

Thich Nhat Hanh often spoke of and taught about the need to return to the Island and refuge of Self.  It ws one of the last teachings before the Buddha died. And I will share a lovely Gatha that I walk, breathe and mediate to in a separate entry....very soon.

For now, I am hoping you begin the process of setting yourself free.

All is well. 

If we get stuck in a feeling, it is because we still secretly believe that it will accomplish something for us. 

David R. Hawkins