There is no worse flaw in a man's character than that of wanting to belong.
David Adams Richards
Now Maslow might have something to say about that but I agree with Richards. One of the things that holds us back from flourishing as human beings is our need to have others like us...and our greatest fear is rejection from the social pack. In some regards...as long as we identify only as bodies and minds...this fear makes sense. There is a reason why our amygdala's perk up and our fight or flight systems go into full activation when we are being criticized, shunned, bullied or rejected. We are social animals and we are interdependent on one another for our survival whether it be a physical survival or a psychosocial survival. That is why "belonging" is the third tier of Maslow's pyramid.
Yet, this wanting and this fear does not belong to the soul...the essence beneath the body and mind and whatever set of circumstances it was born into or was called to endure in this lifetime. It belongs only to the body and mind.
And, as Richards depicts so brilliantly in his characters, the Human Spirit is much greater than body, mind or circumstance. As long as we are wanting to belong we are lost in the superficial layer of existence and not going deeper into where the Human Spirit is. The brilliance and potential of human character to shine is being denied when we prefer the superficial over the depth. This desire for belonging/this fear of rejection stops us from expressing ourselves authentically and honestly, from honoring the truth of who we are beneath the surface layer of our existence. We will not grow in character. ...as say... John Delano has done.
Hmm! Well that is what I see as being meant by this quote. I am thinking of David Adams Richards this morning because I had the opportunity to see his new documentary The Geographies of DAR last evening and it was brilliant. The cinematography was amazing depicting my area and the setting for the stories written by Richards so well. It blew me away and it inspired me so much to write. (And to photograph which I have not done in so long.)
David once offered to help me out in my writing by reviewing some of my work and helping me to get it published. He is that kind of a person: humble, kind, and with a great love for Canadian literature and its writers. I, feeling awkward (awe-struck) in his presence and assuming that I would never belong in the circle of great Canadian writers, did not take him up on his offer. My fear of rejection...of being reminded I was not good enough...of not belonging was too great. Sigh! He is a very busy man and I also did not want to take advantage of his kindness by adding more busyness to his life.
My wanting to belong ironically may be keeping me from belonging.
At the same time I take these words to heart and hear myself (or David saying in not so many words) , "You do not need to belong! You do not need approval from the Canadian literary scene. You just need to write. Just write! It is not about what happens after you write...it is about the writing and the expression and the creation. So, just write and get it out there to someone ...it doesn't have to be everyone...but yes it has to be read to finish the circle. So find readers ( 200,000 or two-it doesn't matter) for what you write without fretting whether you will ever belong to the writer's circle. Belonging is not important to the Soul in you that wants you to write. Do what It wants you to do: Write!! Life will take care of the rest."
All is well!
You need to see:
Monique Leblanc/ National Film Board of Canada ( October, 2023) The Geographies of DAR. https://vimeo.com/866878427
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