The Gift of Obscurity

 Full many a flower is born to blush unseen,  and waste its fragrance on the dessert air. 

Jane Austin, Emma

Obscurity seems to be what Life is unfolding before me to handle and deal with.  It sometimes seems like a "karmic punishment" but I am reminded by some voice deep within me that it is a gift...a gift of learning that I so desperately need. 

Obscurity actually has two meanings.  The first one, according to Oxford Languages  is, a state of being unknown,inconspicuous or unimportant.  That is where I am finding this "me" that identifies as a writer and a teacher. I have a few readers now and again ( and I am grateful for your readership) and I have a few loyal and committed  students showing up on my pages or in my yoga classes but not enough to take me above the level of obscurity.  I, as a "me" that writes and teaches am for the most part unknown, inconspicuous and unimportant.  The ego stings a bit with that realization but with that sting I am reminded that what doesn't serve the ego, often serves the spirit. And it is the higher Self that I am devoted to serving so that makes obscurity  a positive thing, doesn't it? If I had notoriety instead of obscurity unfolding before me...I most likely would get lost in ego stuff again. I know how I feel when I do get recognized for my writing ( published) or when people compliment me on my yoga classes. I open up and feel the energy of enthusiasm  flowing through me...which in itself is a wonderful thing...but that energy can, when dependent on the good opinion of others and directed by ego, turn to a certain arrogant expectation, even a sense of "superiority" that leads me off my path.  I don't want to water those seeds at all. Obscurity waters the seeds of humility and that keeps me humble and helps me to stay on the path I want to be on. I think, then, that while ego is still active in me obscurity is a gift to keep me on the trajectory I need to be on. This whole journey, after all,  is about getting the personalized little self out of the way, isn't it?  If this personalized self is not given the lime light or is considered to be "unknown, inconspicuous and unimportant" it will be diminished. Diminishment of "me" is what I truly want. 

Obscurity also has another meaning. the quality of being difficult to understand. Hmm! This "me" is difficult to understand because  it isn't who I am ...but even more difficult to understand to the unevolved mind is who I am and always was beneath this "me". Though this Self is definitely not unimportant, it is often unknown and inconspicuously hidden behind this veil of "me" . I want the "me" to fade out of the light and the light of Self to shine forth.  Hmm! What is also challenging to understand is all this stuff I write about and teach about.  Few people I talk to about it understand.  In fact they think that I am crazier than a bag of hammers when I speak or write about such things as "awakening", the "true Self". Sigh ...Obscurity could   be the  natural consequence of  what I choose to do and the path I choose to take. 

Regardless obscurity is neither good or bad...it just is.  It is what is unfolding in front of me and I will allow it, embrace it, honor it and be grateful for it. So I decided last evening as I left my class...I will continue to put 100 percent into my writing here, into each class I teach.  It doesn't matter  if 100 people are standing before me listening/reading  or if it is just one.I will continue to serve the Greater Self, no matter how much the little "me" cries out becasue it doesn't like obscurity.  It is all good.

All is well in my world. 

Oxford Langauages https://languages.oup.com/google-dictionary-en/