Relaxing In to the "What Is" of Illness

 Everytime you relax and release [into what is], a piece of the pain leaves forever. 

Michael A. Singer

Feeling better now though I am not 100%.  The experience of being ill over the last couple of days was a wonderful opportunity to fully experience one of Life's many offerings.

Say what crazy lady? 

At first I resisted being ill as we tend to do.  I had a workday booked, didn't know how to cancel it and was afraid to because I had to cancel one last week because of the emergency. Didn't want to let others down.  Told myself I was making too much of it by focusing on the negative.  Reminded myself it wasn't about "me": my body and personality.  It is all about what I can give the world ( Fever makes one's mind very dramatic!) So I took some Tylenol and Ginger Gravol and went off to work.  Working with a high fever was an experience, let me tell ya.  The kids acted up and I did little to correct them.  They probably could have been asking to run down the halls with machine guns and I would have said, "Just sign out when you go and when you return. And try to keep it quiet. "  I eventually had to go ask someone if I could go home. When I got home I discovered my temp was 38.5 on 1000mg of Tylenol...that is pretty high. I felt sooo sick. 

But I no longer had to resist the experience. I could experience it completely and in so doing help to release some old stuffed pain. I remembered the three techniques Michael Singer  suggested: positive thinking, mantra, and leaning back into witness consciousness

Positive thinking wise, I reminded myself that this was a wonderful opportunity to get the rest I wasn't able to get over the last week or so, it was an opportunity for the self care I was denying myself....that all I have to focus on right now...becasue that was all I could focus on...was the experience of my body.  Illness reconnects us to our bodies. 

Then I found myself using the mantra, "This too shall pass." I knew despite how sick  I felt, that it was a short term thing...it wouldn't last forever...the mantra helped

And finally I leaned back into witness consciousness and observed...allowing the entire experience to come in and move out of me. I crawled in to bed with the intention of experiencing it all fully.  I just lay there experiencing each ache and pain, each shiver, each flush of heat causing me to remove the blankets without judging any of it as "bad, wrong, shouldn't be!" It simply was as it was.  I witnessed the nausea and the way I was so repulsed by even the talk of food. I slept and slept and slept and when I woke up, I witnessed and experienced it all again until  I  was finally able to witness the sensations of relief as the fever broke. I noticed how everything appeared less foggy and unbalanced when that happened...like an awakening.

I was grateful I had this opportunity to practice with. I fully experienced a short term  illness, one of Life's many offerings. Eventually, I will be able to embrace all that is offered without resisting. Starts with the low hanging fruit.

It was cool? (Well ...after the fever broke ...before that it was pretty hot in here lol)

All is well.