Facing Mount Later like a Cloud/Water Person

 Acceptance of everything flowing away is absolutely basic to freedom-to becoming a cloud/water person.

Alan Watts

Lately...when I come here...I feel a little frustrated and sad.  The inspiration I gained after my morning meditation seems to flitter away abit. I exhaust myself by following my habitual tendency to read all the entries that were read by others.  (And I know at that point...I should correct the many typos I discover in those entries but I don't. I fear the fading inspiration to write something new that I come here with  might get lost in the drudgery of editing and revising that which was already written.) I also have a head full of worldly stuff...there is a lot going on around me and in me competing with that inspiration.  

Trickling Energy

Because Life is doing what Life does (and for the most part I am accepting of that) I seem to have a limited amount of energy period...therefore there is a limited amount of energy allotted to creative pursuits. On top of that...the jar I am carrying all this energy in seems to have a small invisible crack somewhere...and my precious reserves are seeping out a trickle at a time. So often by the time I open up to New Post I am struggling to scrape up enough creative juice to put together  something of value here. As for all the other things I am working on or feel inspired to create...they all are grouped together into a big pile that is getting bigger and bigger each day.  That pile is named " Mount Later" . 

Someone mentioned to me recently when I relayed the fact that I was facing a challenge paying my mortgage, "You should be doing something with your writing or your speaking.  You could be making money off that."  I just laughed it off and told her that I would be better off trying to sell my house than my work....work that I am challenged to even finish, let alone submit or seek means of getting some monetary reward for. Besides I say, it would be like selling myself. Shouldn't I just be giving that away. . . isn't that what I am here for?

Facing Mount Later

When I leave this page I always feel a sense of accomplishment...like I  have given a piece of my self away for a higher purpose.  (Of course...I don't want any of us  to get lost in the idea or concept of "self" here, okay?) It feels so good to write.  

And at the same time, because my energy levels are a bit low...by the time I am done here and I walk over to that big mountain of unfinished writing and the callings of all the muses trapped in that pile somewhere...I just feel overwhelmed.  I feel I don't know how to get inside that pile to free all that inspiration that wants to be expressed. I don't know where to begin. 

I hear, "Grab those poems, write new ones, finish your poetry workshop, put together a chap book!" Then I hear, "Finish that novel...you only need 20,000 more words and someway to tie it all together." After that I hear, "Get those memoirs out again! You got some positive feedback on those!", "You need...I mean you really need to get the book you wrote on trauma recovery out...there are people that need that!", "Get your short stories published...that is the only way to get your foot in the door!", "Freelance...write more articles!"  and finally I hear, "Do something with these blog entries...get them into print." 

On and on it goes...and I just stand there in front of Mount Later ,"Huh? Do you have any idea how tired I am...how much I got going on outside of this little writing venture?  There is one crisis after the other to deal with..how am I supposed to find time to write anything...let alone all this??"

Writing Like a Cloud-Water Person

Besides I want to be a cloud/water person. ...a person that drifts like a cloud and flows like water through Life...attached to little.  I write here like a cloud and like water ...it is easy...even if I am drained...but whatever is going on over there with Mount Later feels stuck...neither drifting nor flowing.  Hmm!

Letting Go

I have to let it go maybe. What does it mean I wonder , when it comes to this writing stuff, ...let it all go? Be attached to none of it? 

I have been getting good at letting go. I let so much in my life go already.  I mean I have been clinging to the house, I suppose, for all kinds of reasons...but mostly for ego reasons.  I am getting to the point where I could probably let that go too...and that would put away my mortgage stress ( would add a whole lot of other stressors though). I tell myself without the stress of getting by...maybe I would be able to deal with Mount Later better...maybe I could write for the joy of writing and the giving of myself like I do here.  It might be hard on the  bare  fingers, though, writing through  snow storms as a homeless person in Canada. I don't know. 

I just know the solution has something to do with letting go. I can do that, can't I? I have also let go of attachment to outcome with my writing...done that long ago. I write and when I send it out I judge not, expect not and have no idea what will happen tomorrow. I just get it out....and I tend to even forget about it.  So as I face this big Mountain of stuff crying to be finished...I should be able to take this letting go approach I am mastering to it.

Maybe ...what I have to do...is just focus on one project at a time...the one that huants me the most...the novel...and finsih that and get it out.  Still feels pretty overwhelmning.  What about if I break that down to...5000words/week ...could be done in a couple of weeks.  If I do this...I need to open to the page and let go of any resistance I have, any judgement, expectation and need to know where this is going...just write.  Hmmm!  That sounds like a plan....a plan for my writing, and a plan for my living like a cloud and water person.

Let it go and let it flow!

All is well in my world