Between stimulus and response there is space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Victor Frankl
Reacting?
Hmm! I am still pondering over my reactivity to the the circumstances of "harm reduction' I was living in over the last few months. I was feeling such a tremendous relief yesterday, like a weight was removed from my shoulders. My environment had changed; the circumstances for another have suddenly become positive...signifying a moving forward, there was hope for recovery for all ( addiction is a family disease) and there was suddenly less physical, mental and emotional mess and chaos in my life.
Now I am still reacting, aren't I? I am reacting to a change in my external circumstance for the better. The bell rang(the stimuli) and I drooled (the conditioned response) because I anticipate the reward ( as it repetively happened in the past , I will get fed by something I like or want.)
Between the Bell and the Drooling
If, in the past, every time the bell rang I got zapped by that which was judged as "unpleasant" I would retract, contract, activate that good old fight and flight or freeze response wouldn't I? So it isn't the bell that is offering reward or punsihment and my sense of "suffering" , is it? The bell is neutral. Life, in all she offers us, is neutral...no "right" or "wrong", no "good or bad", no pleasant or unplesant"...it just is what it is.
All stimuli is neutral...yet we have all been conditioned, due to past expereince and conditioning, to react a certain way. It seems the response immediately follows the stimuli...but it doesn't.
The Pause
There is precious space between what the five senses pick up and how we respond to it. It is in that space that we make our intrpretations, our judgments, our "choice" to perceive something, judge it as good or bad etc. Whether that stimuli is a life circumstance, a confrontation with another person or something we are experiencing inside our minds or bodies...there is a pause after it.
We need to reclaim that pause, rest in it, become aware of its power and ability to determine the response which in turn will determine how we live and what kind of people we are.
One of the stimuli I have been reacting strongly to over the last few months was the sudden change of my living environment to one of "harm reduction" and "regression" or "stuckness" for all...a sense of chaos and mess in the physical, mental and emotional environment as a result. I did not pause or stay in the space long enough to do as Tara Brach suggests we should do, recognize and allow. Like a knee jerk reflex I went right into reactivity. I had made judgments I wasn't even aware I was making, like "This is bad! This should not be so! They are wrong! I don't want this!" It left me retracting...contracting at the core, retreating into my defenses, seeing myself as seperate and vulnerable...needing to defend and attack for what was "mine" and it left me regressing to an earlier stage of my evolution. It was literally making me sick until... that is...I took the time to go back into that space: to recognize, allow, investigate how I was truly feeling , and then nurture myself rather than beat myself up for my reaction. (Tara Brach's R.A.I.N.)
So now as I notice other little things related to these circumstances...instead of reacting right away, I find myself settling into the pause. I take a deep breath and I wait for spacious presence to assist me in gaining some clarity. I recognize what I am feeling and expereincing...I name it and allow it...even if it seems to be the farthest thing from zen it could be. Then I really try to get to know what I am feeling or unwilling to feel in my body and mind. Finally, I will try to nurture myself through the process, aware that I am inflicted with a disease many of us have" deep doubt about our intrinsic goodness". When I have done all this I try to see how I feel, I sense the presence, that spaciousness and how it fills me with compassion for all. I respond from there.
Hmmm! The last three months have offeed me tremendous learning. I am so, so grateful for that.
All is well.
Tar Brach (Dec 30, 2020) Healing with the RAIN of Compassion.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-HAbov-Ym8
No comments:
Post a Comment