Loving Awareness

 

When we are motivated by compassion and wisdom,the results of our actions benefit everyone, not just our individual selves or some immediate convenience.

Dalai Lama

An Empty Cup

Hmmm!  It has been an exhausting couple of days, full of major heart breaking life decisions, confusion over how things were handled on a professional level, sleepless nights, grief, sadness, frustration and fear.  I perceived I was completely wiped and "burnt out" with not an ounce left in my cup to give another human being.  Before I had time to replenish and restore the supply needed to nurture others with...a very thirsty individual landed at my door this morning. It broke my heart and I had to give...there was no question... but I felt so  dry...absolutly "useless" to this world.  How could I give?

Just One More Drop

I brought him in and sat him down and I asked internally for one more drop...just one more drop... to allow me to be there and offer a helpful presence to this lovely someone in need, to hear his story with compassion and nonjudgment, to empathize at the deepest level.  Like magic, something opened in me and the Love came out in abundance...from where I don't know.  My outer shell may be dry  like the Sahara dessert right now...but at a much deeper level ...Loving Awareness lies in its infinite capacity. Thank God.  

I felt my own twisted and bruised  heart opening with compassion and love. The moisture of Life came from my eyes and down my face reminding me there is an infinite supply of compassion in all of us.  I can't go dry.   

I knew it was not about fixing this; it is never about fixing anything...it is simply about being there. With that wisdom, I was so, so present and aware. I was able to offer some hard earned wisdom and direction sure  but all that was truely needed was my listening presence, my willingness to see the secret pain and the secret beauty in another human being, to witness the  intrinsic goodness and reflect that back to him at a time he needed it most. 

The Secret Beauty of All

Beyond the exterior shell of all beings , beneath the pain, the trauma, the "disesase or disorder", the words or the behaviour is intrinsic goodness.  Within ourselves is the infinite capacity to care...even if it is hidden by outer layers that reflect  life's many challenges and circumstances.  We need to remember that and to build up an easy access to that capacity through committed mindfulness and meditation practices.  You do not need to be a psychologist or a psychiatrist to help someone with their suffering...you just have to be a human being willing to open their heart and be there.  Hmmm!

This experience I had today, as heart breaking as it may have been, presented itself for a reason.  It helped give me clarity into the other more critical  situation, I am  dealing with.  Because of how  it was being handled I had to make a very, very difficult decision yesterday.  I had to say "no" to another's physical presence in my life for all our sakes, including his.(Believe me...I considered all, the whole wide picture).  That meant making some major heart-breaking life changes .  Doing so left me feeling like I was turning my back on someone in need; like I was being selfish and so "uncaring", like all my practice with tapping into my compassionate center, was for naught. I came to the realization  could no longer open my home or my physical being to this person.  It would be counterproductive for all. And yes...I also thought of myself...me as this little clump of flesh...and what my needs were.  I realzed that if I truly want to make a difference in this world, to be able to give to others, I have to take care of me too...I am just as valauble as the people I have been trying to help.  Compassion begins with self-compassion. Besides I do no good to anyone if I die. 

Anyway, I also learned from the words that came out of my mouth this morning, in response to questions asked, "Your needs are so important too.  And if you want to be a better partner or father (which you are already so great at) you need to turn some of that loving awareness back on you.  See your own intrinsic goodness...and go from there."

We all need to see our own intrinsic goodness as well.

Sigh!  Life with its 10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows is one amazing learning platform, isn't it?

All is well.