Cease trying to work everything out with your minds. It will get you nowhere. Live by intuition and inspiration and let your whole life be Revelation.
Eileen Caddy ( from Erin Fall Haskell's Awakening)
I have always had a certain amount of intuition about people and things. My Dad had it and I think he passed it on to me. I never called it intuiton though...I just thought that my over analytical and fearful mind was always trying to protect me from new potetional dangers. So when I entered an unfamiliar situation or met someone for the first time I automatically and unconsciously would begin to scan for possible threats. I unintentionally picked up a great deal of information and put those pieces together very quickly into a picture that made sense to me about the person or place. That is how I explained my reaction to myself and others. Others quickly agreed that my fear, oversensitivity and negativity was the cause of these feelings.
Regardless of the explanation, my senses constantly worked overtime and as a result I would feel a certain "knowing" in my body. My body would somehow tell me if the place was safe and if the people I was with meant harm to me or others...If I perecived a safe "yes" place...it would relax or get tingly in trust and appreciation for the presence around me. I would find myself smiling and open. If there was some threat I couldn't yet see or understand I usually felt a tightening in my core, sick or nauseated, a trembling of my limbs, a discomfort and a physical stepping back. I would percieve a heaviness or darkness that I couldn't explain to anyone. I would feel irritable and "off". I instantly knew it "wasn't right"( even though I hate to use right or wrong terminolgy...I don't know how else to say..."It just didn't feel "right!") What I knew for sure was that I wanted to get out of there or away from that person. Even if the environment was nice and the people seemed friendly and kind, saying the right things, my gut almost instantaneously would scream "No! This isn't right!"
I would of course, doubt myself and question this feeling. I agreed with the others who would tell me that I was being ridiculous and oversensitive, just anxious and negatively seeking the worse. I always felt so guilty for not trusting certain individuals or for "assuming" a level of unconsciousness in certain individuals without explicable reason. What was wrong with me for judging so without evidence, reacting so?
So I learned to squish that "feeling" down, to chalk it up to some "defect" in me...a consequenc of my much too dualistic mind making judgements that were unfair and unrealistic. I began to trust that these perceptions were "off" and stopped trusting myself. I became confused about what was real and what wasn't. So I did not stay in many of those situations that felt "right" or with the people who I tingled or relaxed around. I also spent way too much time over the years in situations that were counterproductive to my well being and growth and with people who in their unconscious states cared little about me or who even wanted me to suffer.
My reactions and this "knowing" may have become somewhat delayed but the feelings , however, did not go away. Infact they got stronger.
I began over the last few years , ever so slightly, to listen to them again depite my doubt. I started recording the gut feelings and experiences. ..I then began to spend physical and mental energy in trying to determine "why" I felt that way. I usually find solid evidence that I had a good reason to feel "off". Very, very slowly I began to trust those feelings again. I began to trust my inner wisdom. I don't necessarily act on that wisdom right away but I take the feeling that something does not feel right and I sit with it. I am aware of it but I don't feel teh need necessarily to do something about it. I give it up to Life. I may not trust a certain person or circumstance...but I do trust Life and I know that it will guide me to my highest good and the highest good of others.
All is well!
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