I made videos! And they are awful lol!
Appearance: The lighting is terrible...one side of my face is in shadow, I look like a 99 year old chronic smoker with oscillating fan eyes...I am as grey as the walls I was videotaping in front of (was having chest pain yesterday and it usually leaves me with the loveliest colour:)), and my hair is all over the place. (Man...I have no problem with the way I look in general...but do you think I should have at least combed my hair before getting in front of the camera? Should I worry about my appearance just enough to be you tube ready? lol)
Sound: the audio leaves a lot to be desired, yet it clearly picks up the Roomba as it came knocking on my door, D.'s voice outside my window and my daughter doing baby voices for my dogs.
The Speaking: had a lot of menopausal moments as I spoke off the top of my head, I used words that do not even exist in the English vocabulary...ones that I made up on the spot as I combined parts of other words together (I wonder how often I subconsciously do that ?) , I went blank on the names of the hundreds of philosophers I have studied over the years only remembering Pascal for some reason and I mentioned him twice (mini-mental time?), I stumbled over my quotes, I used too many ahs and ums to pass the Toastmaster's "ah-counter" test and sometimes did not finish a train of thought...I also spoke for too long (the 7 minute speech is ideal...I doubled that and then some, to the point You tube insisted on 2 different videos lol).
The Message: The message was perfect because it didn't come from me. I was just simply passing on an eternal truth that is my obligation and my blessing to share. The sincerity of that goes beyond all the ego dominated stuff above.
The message is not about little "me"...it is about so much more. It is the message and a desire or need to share it that has led me to my blog and to the creation of these videos, in the first place. The fact that they and I appear so imperfect should not take away from the value of that message.
Maybe...in fact...they should enhance it. Very imperfect appearing human being with limited videotaping skills relays a message we can all benefit from, a message that can not be diminished by ego appearances and judgment.
For that reason I may publish those videos here(but nowhere else)..."may"lol....I still have a big fat ego I need to tame a bit before I display my obvious imperfections to the world.
Subsequent videos will definitely be better. If I am meant to share the learning I have stumbled upon in this manner...the way will be paved for me. I just had to take the first step which I did. The rest is not about me at all.
It is all good
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