The High State of Enthusiasm

 As the blockages release, the energy takes you to higher and higher states. You already know what the higher states are. The higher states are about love.They are about being really enthusiastic about your job and anything else you are doing. The higher energies are beautiful. 

Michael A. Singer, 192

I am trying to absorb the last few chapters of this book. So I may be quoting a little too much from it to be considered copyright okay.  Well I suppose I already infringed on those rights. Any time we quote like this we should have permission from the author, which I do not have.  I am simply "assuming," that he, as an evolved teacher, won't mind if one unknown, inconspicuous and unimportant student sitting way in the back of the  classroom shares her notes with someone else in class. :) 

The Course is Set?

Anyway, these last two chapters are important because they speak to what Life can be like when Shakti is finally free to flow. I know I set "Peace from Purification"  as my Pole star, the thing I am aiming for as I travel along these rough waters but sometimes it seems more like a lofty dream rather than a real possibility. It is good to hear that it is possible to attain this peace and to be told about what freedom from our samskaras really entails. I want those higher energy states in me. What about you?

I mean, I have tasted glimpses of them.  For example, before Christmas I felt these energies starting to  whir inside me.  I was sailing my boat like a pro it seemed...happy and peaceful, full of love for everybody and everything.  I could see my Pole star perfectly and felt I was right on course. I attributed some of this joy and enthusiasm , once again erroneously,  to what was happening in the outside world.  I had started a new little job and I was so enthused about it.  I was needed once again and I could provide a service that was worthwhile while I met some of these personal physiological needs...(income) as well as the unnecessary psychological needs ( esteem, and purpose). It was exciting! Even though I knew better, I allowed myself to believe this new enthusiastic high was due to the fact that things were working out for me "out there".  I made it conditional.

Winds Picking Up; Waters Getting Rough

Then opportunities suddenly slowed down at the same time  this "me" slowed down.  It was a double whammy. My body started acting up again, Life started acting up again...the suffering of the  people around me intensified and I was called in to somehow "fix it" or at least alleviate some of the pain.  I couldn't but the pressure to do so was suffocating. Others, at the same time,  had to move back into this house  increasing the demands of this "me" to provide and sacrifice "my" time, energy and space for. I was suddenly struggling financially again...and I  recognized how this "me" was no longer needed as much in the small services I was providing.  The little adventures I was so excited about only weeks before seemed to lose their oompf for me.  So even when the calls came in...and they were few and far between...I began to play with reasons why I could not accept them ( Most of them legitimate). The samskaras which were naturally making their way up and out, as a result of this increase in energy flow, started getting triggered and bumped around. It seemed like too much. There was this growing resistance to the Life experience unfolding in front of me, as a result of all this. Then, I began to resist the resistance...loading my psyche down with guilt and shame over my inability to provide, and my unwillingness to accept and allow all the unwanted in. It became very messy, stormy and chaotic in here again. 

Forgetting How To Sail

Now, I realize that this disturbance in me had little to do with what was happening out there.  The high energy had stopped flowing because I closed down. I closed down because things were not the way I preferred  them to be.  I wanted things to be a certain way and they were not that way. My mind judged what was unfolding in front of me as bad, wrong and shouldn't be and in my attempt to push it away, I added even more samskaras to my samskara filled heart...I did this even though I am well aware  of the mind's tendency to do this, knew the consequences of doing so  and had committed to not doing this.  I slipped. I went back into old mental patterns quite quickly when things got a little challenging on the outside. I realized that  I really didn't know how to handle my boat on rough waters.  I can easily open and stay open when things are going even a bit "good" out there but when the waters start getting a certain degree of rough again , I realize I am, as of yet, not a very skilled sailor. (Thus the poem a few days ago).

Anyway, reading about what Life is like when we let go of all these blockages so Shakti can flow freely through, has inspired me again to recommit to my journey, to do whatever I can to stay on course. I want to be able to handle my boat on bumpy waters , the same way I handle it on smooth. I don't want the waters to matter. Hmm! I want to stay open no matter what, allowing it all in!  Why? Because I want the high states. I want that enthusiasm! I want it for you as well!

As you open up, life is no longer about seeking nonnegative states; it is about allowing ever-increasing positive states. Growth used to be about not feeling anger or anxiety anymore. Now it is about feeling so much overwhelming love when you wake up that you have trouble getting out of bed. Then the feeling of enthusiasm is so strong that it pulls you out of bed and propels you through your day. That is what it feels like when the energy is flowing. 

Michael A. Singer, page 192.

I intend  to stay open so that enthusiasm can flow through me once again, taking me higher and higher..  

All is well.

Michael A. Singer ( 2022) living untethered. New Harbinger/Sounds True

Getting Our Needs Met?

 You used to make satisfying your needs your priority [before awakening]. Most of our modern needs are psychological. Psychological needs are actually unnatural, as they indicate that something is missing or wrong.

Michael A. Singer , living untethered, page 191

I had a discussion yesterday,  something about "my"  psychological needs.  In this person's mind it was very natural and healthy for me to honor these needs and to set limits to protect them.  We used Maslow's hierarchy as an example. My desire to reach a state of complete peace through awakening and  Self Realization might not have been understood but the human drive towards Self- actualization could be understood.  It was  pointed out that a person can not reach the top tier of the pyramyd without having the needs for food, water, shelter, safety met right etc. That is obvious...if I am starving to death or dying from dehydration,  Self actualization might not seem that important (  Though I believe we do achieve a certain realization when we are dying).  Then the need for love and belonging was brought up.  Can we get there without that?  Do we need to be in healthy "special relationships"?  My wise mind says of course not...if I am Self realized ( Self- actualized) it wouldn't matter who I interact with, who I am with.  I will feel love because that  love, I know, comes from me not the other person. And what about esteem? I don't attempt to have my esteem.needs met anymore.  It seems too shallow. ..I see esteem as something that helps the ego get to the top but if the ego gets to the top it isn't true actualization, is it, because we are dealing with the "little self" and not the greater Self? I did not know how to explain this perspective to this individual.

The conundrum arises for me when I see how the "me" is suffering...efforting to survive financially and physically and constantly, it seems, having those efforts thwarted. This "me" has psychological problems. I talk to this very empathetic and caring person about this issue and it is all great and good until I mention  how this is probably a good thing becasue I want "me" out of the picture anyway. I want "me" out of the way because it isn't who I really am. I realize how far off that goal seems to most people...how "insane" maybe.  I am telling this individual that I should not be attempting to have this "me's" needs met anyway...but  she calmly and nonjudgmentally asks, how do I  get to Self actualization/Self realization unless I deal with one pyramid level at a time? 

These psychological problems, Singer reminds us, are just a result of blocked energy flow.  The problems are something my mind up and are non-existent to the greater Self. Both the problem and the solution are internal. How would I explain that to someone who genuinely wants me to be more assertive in getting my physical and psychological needs met, who is encouraging me to surround myself with other people and external circumstances that support "my" needs so that I feel love, joy and enthusiasm? How do I explain it to myself when I see how unnatural these needs are but at the same time I seek to meet them?  So bloody confusing. 

Psychological needs come from your  blockages. When the energy is freed, what you feel is love, joy, enthusiasm, which are just different words for uplifting energy...When your energies are liberated, you don't need energy from anybody else. 

Michael A. Singer, page 191-192

Michael A. Singer ( 2022) living untethered. New Harbinger/ Sounds True.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( February 6, 2023) Living From a Higher Place Within. https://tou.org/talk-archive/

The Gift of Obscurity

 Full many a flower is born to blush unseen,  and waste its fragrance on the dessert air. 

Jane Austin, Emma

Obscurity seems to be what Life is unfolding before me to handle and deal with.  It sometimes seems like a "karmic punishment" but I am reminded by some voice deep within me that it is a gift...a gift of learning that I so desperately need. 

Obscurity actually has two meanings.  The first one, according to Oxford Languages  is, a state of being unknown,inconspicuous or unimportant.  That is where I am finding this "me" that identifies as a writer and a teacher. I have a few readers now and again ( and I am grateful for your readership) and I have a few loyal and committed  students showing up on my pages or in my yoga classes but not enough to take me above the level of obscurity.  I, as a "me" that writes and teaches am for the most part unknown, inconspicuous and unimportant.  The ego stings a bit with that realization but with that sting I am reminded that what doesn't serve the ego, often serves the spirit. And it is the higher Self that I am devoted to serving so that makes obscurity  a positive thing, doesn't it? If I had notoriety instead of obscurity unfolding before me...I most likely would get lost in ego stuff again. I know how I feel when I do get recognized for my writing ( published) or when people compliment me on my yoga classes. I open up and feel the energy of enthusiasm  flowing through me...which in itself is a wonderful thing...but that energy can, when dependent on the good opinion of others and directed by ego, turn to a certain arrogant expectation, even a sense of "superiority" that leads me off my path.  I don't want to water those seeds at all. Obscurity waters the seeds of humility and that keeps me humble and helps me to stay on the path I want to be on. I think, then, that while ego is still active in me obscurity is a gift to keep me on the trajectory I need to be on. This whole journey, after all,  is about getting the personalized little self out of the way, isn't it?  If this personalized self is not given the lime light or is considered to be "unknown, inconspicuous and unimportant" it will be diminished. Diminishment of "me" is what I truly want. 

Obscurity also has another meaning. the quality of being difficult to understand. Hmm! This "me" is difficult to understand because  it isn't who I am ...but even more difficult to understand to the unevolved mind is who I am and always was beneath this "me". Though this Self is definitely not unimportant, it is often unknown and inconspicuously hidden behind this veil of "me" . I want the "me" to fade out of the light and the light of Self to shine forth.  Hmm! What is also challenging to understand is all this stuff I write about and teach about.  Few people I talk to about it understand.  In fact they think that I am crazier than a bag of hammers when I speak or write about such things as "awakening", the "true Self". Sigh ...Obscurity could   be the  natural consequence of  what I choose to do and the path I choose to take. 

Regardless obscurity is neither good or bad...it just is.  It is what is unfolding in front of me and I will allow it, embrace it, honor it and be grateful for it. So I decided last evening as I left my class...I will continue to put 100 percent into my writing here, into each class I teach.  It doesn't matter  if 100 people are standing before me listening/reading  or if it is just one.I will continue to serve the Greater Self, no matter how much the little "me" cries out becasue it doesn't like obscurity.  It is all good.

All is well in my world. 

Oxford Langauages https://languages.oup.com/google-dictionary-en/

Get Out of the Way!

 Over time, you will find that there is a place inside  you that is behind the commotion of the storm.  You can simply relax and fall into that place. This is the place from which you are noticing the inner commotion, and this place is still, quiet, and there are never any storms. That is the Seat of Self. You don't find your way back to Self-you simply cease to leave. 

Michael A. Singer, living untethered, page 188

Behind the veil of the mind, is who we really are...the True Self, the Atman, the Soul, the witness consciousness...whatever you want to call it ( I don't care if you call it Fred) ...The point is, there is someone or something in there, in you,  that knows you are noticing all that is happening. There is an awareness of you being aware of awareness. ( Sounds like a riddle, eh?) .

So we have a "you"...a psyche, mind, personality with your name in your body, taking on your roles on this planet.  This thing called "you" thinks and feels and is so lost in those thoughts and feelings it identifies as them.  "I am depressed!" you will say.  "I am a person with great problems,"you  might also say.  This "you"  may say, "I am a happy house wife" or a "contened plumber". "I am cursed" or "I am blessed." All theses things it says it is are just "thoughts" and feelings...Yet...we believe it when it says, "This is who I am". .  We believe what the mind says even though it can change on a dime.  

This "me/you" is where we put most of our attention and energy.  This "preferring" entity of ever-changing thought and feeling is what we feed.  We spend most of our lives grabbing whatever we can  from the outside world to give it what it tells us it needs or we strive to protect  it from the things it tells us will make it  unhappy or unwell. This thing comes to build its separate being based on all the things we have been through in life and its tendency to judge what is good for it and what is bad.  

B.F. Skinner said, according to Michael Singer,  that the psyche ( this entity of "me/you") is nothing more than the sum of all your learned experiences.  The experiences you select to store within you becasue they were too unpleasant to deal with or too pleasant to let go of...is only 1 percent of all that unfolds in front of you.  So it isn't a very "significant statistic" according to Michael A. Singer, in his podcast, The Veil of Mind. Yet this collected data, you allow to determine the quality of life you experience as this identified "me".  Just a bunch of thoughts and feelings ...nothing substantial, nothing real. It makes your life a living hell full of storms and commotions.

Yet, this thing we made is not the only thing inside us.  There is something Greater...something behind the veil that doesn't change, doesn't get disturbed, doesn't collect data ...that simply allows all of life to come into it and then it lets all of life  go...clinging to nothing.  Just peacefully and joyfully observing and experiencing.  It is this Self that we are.... It is here  where we long to be.  

The only thing in the way...is this veil we created...this veil of "me"/"you"...a temporal, not long for this planet, ever-changing and samskara ridden entity. It is blocking our awareness of the space in the background and it is blocking all the wonderful light from that space from coming through.  What we forget is we are that which is back there...we just need to get the "me" and all its samskaras out of the way.  We need to let go of that which we cling to and fall back into this Seat of Self.

The thing is, we are already there right?  We never left. This thing we created is not real...it is just something we made up and decided to believe is us.  So we really didn't leave the Seat of Self, we just "thought" we did.  Freedom comes when we realize that we are not that "me/you" we thought we were, fall back into the Seat of Self  and decide never to leave again...never to get so lost in mind stuff that we forget who we are again. We observe Life from there ...letting it all in and letting it all go. No preferences! 

Hmmm! Anyway...that is the way I see it. Thanks Michael Singer...for helping me realize this Life changing stuff. 

All is well.

Always remember, it is spirit's job to liberate you from yourself. Shakti wants to be free, but you're in the way. 

Michael SInger, page 186

Michael A. Singer (2022) living untethered. New Harbinger/Sounds True

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( February 12, 2023) The Veil of  Mind. https://tou.org/talk-archive/

Unfavorable Winds

 

Unfavorable winds

Unfavorable winds too often  hit my craft, blowing it here and there

And I, an  unskilled  sailor,  will  hesitate as my sail  tatters in the air.

Do I angle this broken sail to catch more wind or do I take it down?

Do I steer the rutter against this current or do I let it go around ?

Do I gear up to fight the storm or do I batten down the hatch? 

Do I send out a mayday or do I succumb as loser to this match?

Do I allow this gail to take me from my trajectory and  out into the sea

Or do I hold the course no matter what, determined  to be where I must be ?

With every nasty wind that blows my way and every bit of strife

I am reminded that I am an unskilled captain on this boat that is my life.

©Dale-Lyn, February 2023

Listened to the below talk from Michael A. Singer and this popped out.  Like I am not 100 percent clear  as to what my destination might be.  There has been a lot of nasty wind and a lot of windless states that I am not sure how to handle and therefore  I have no idea if I am still on course. .  What about you?  You know where you are going? You a good sailor? Do you know how to handle the unfavorable winds?  Or are you like me, still learning? 

All is well.

Michael A. Singer ( February 20, 2023) Navigating the Ocean of Life. https://tou.org/talks/

Attadipa Saranam

 Over time, you will find a place inside you that is behind the commotion of the storm. You can simply relax and fall back into that place. This is the place from which you are noticing the inner commotion,and this place is still, quiet, and there are never any  storms.  That is the seat of  Self.

Michael A. Singer, living untethered (2022; New Harbinger/Sounds True), page 189.

Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us of the Buddha's phrase,  " attadipa saranam" which means: Taking refuge in the island of Self. This I believe is the same thing Singer is referring to. Singer tells us we can not reach the Seat of Soul unless we relax and release while Hanh encourages us  to breathe mindfully and this will bring us back to the island. 

Breathing in, breathing out.

I am water reflecting what is real, what is true.

And I feel there is a deep space inside of me.

I am free.

Thich Nhat Hanh, peace is every breath (2011; Harper One), page 37

All is well

Transmute

 You are the Self. You are the conscious witness to all that happens before you. You dwell deep inside, and nothing in there is more powerful than you. You have free will; use it to accept what already happened rather than letting past events mess up the rest of your life. Free yourself from these samskaras. Transmute your blocked energies into a powerful spiritual force. 

Michael A. Singer, living untethered ( 2022, New Harbinger/Sounds True)  page 183

Molting

 

Molting

The transformation has started.

Tight and constricting, 

strangling the flow of life in me,

this outer shell I wear is

ready and needing to come off.

It is a slow and  painful process.

Though I may long for outside fingers,

to reach down where I, 

in contorted shape,

lay, writhing and twisting,

to rip the skin  off in one painful swoop

so I can breathe for the first time,

I know there is a process I must follow.

I must allow myself to molt.

Ego’s drying carcass, 

with all its likes and dislikes,

freckling and speckling  

in the beautiful patterns 

of reds and yellows,

  I once wore so proudly

to let others know who I was

will, I am told, 

peel and slide off me

naturally and effortlessly,

leaving a perfect form 

of what I never was behind me…

if I am willing.

I think I am willing.

They tell me  that,

as I continue to make my way through

these tall grasses of life circumstance,

I need do nothing but allow.

I will do my best to allow.

 

Molting….Self is  molting.

It is a slow and painful process,

impacted by my ambivalent readiness.

Part of me longs to be free 

of this  restricting hold.

The other part is much too attached

 to these beautiful colours

 and the way the world seems to 

fear and respect me for them.

I have grown accustomed 

to the defensive safety they provide.

How naked and vulnerable I fear,

 I  will be without my outer shell,

at the mercy of Life and all 

that unfolds in front of me.

Yet, as shiny and attractive as it may be,

I know Ego offers a flimsy protection 

from the predators on the outside

and a tight and choking 

prison for my insides.

I must just let it go.

Breathe, I tell myself, breathe.

Relax, I tell myself , relax.

I stop my writhing and resisting

and I lay back to  notice, simply notice….

 the slow progressive peeling

of what I  thought I once was,

 from the being that I am.

I breathe and I relax,

settling into the transformation

that will save me from myself.

I learn to let go.

© Dale-Lynn, February 2023

Sigh! Listening to the  below talk as I continue to process these teachings and the inspiration for this comes up and out like a hiccough. 

Anyway, just a few more chapters of living untethered. I am getting these teachings.  I am absorbing the learning, and am so very grateful for all of it.  I will eventually move on from it but never completely away.  I will just add more teachings and more teachers as I continue to pursue  my Masters of Life degree. Someday I might even graduate.  Do you think?

All is well.

Michael A. Singer ( February 19, 2023) Shedding the  Ego. https://tou.org/talks/

The Real Guru

 Life is your real guru. It is challenging you to either move further away from Self or come back to Self. Life is your friend. Everything that happens in Life is an opportunity to get better at freeing yourself from yourself-dying to be reborn. page 171. 

I have a few more chapters to process through before complete my studying of living untethered. I read it for the first time in maybe a little over a day ( when I had opportunity to read), then I read it for the second time, bringing an underlining tool with me so I could mark the words or passages that most hit home. That took a week of using every reading opportunity I could. And this third read I am doing is taking a little longer because as I read, I am chewing up the teachings in my head so I can spit them out here. That is how I make sense of things. 

So in Chapter 34, Handling the Bigger Stuff, Singer encourages us to  look at the difficult situations in Life as a part of our practice.  We must be  willing to practice through them and learn. Our goal is not to close up and avoid the disturbances in Life (be they small or big), but to use them to come back to Self.  It is all about coming back to Self and processing Life through there. 

Coming back to Self, means getting through or getting rid of the "stuff" that is in the way.  What is in the way?  The big things in Life are not what is in the way...despite what the mind would have us believe. "Little me" is in the way...our tendency to personalize each thing that unfolds as if it is  unfolding for us, is in the way. Our blockages...our samskaras are in the way as well. We really do need to let them go...let our resistance to the things that tend to trigger them go so Shakti can flow freely. 

You are not supposed to be interacting with the world based on your blockages inside. ...If you allow that to happen you are going to make every decision based on based on what makes you feel better, which is likely not best for the situation at hand. page 172

Your underlying motive can't ever be about you. It has to be about serving what is happening in front of you. To the absolute best of your ability, you always serve Life as it unfolds in front of you.  page 173

Let go of the lower part of you, so you can express the higher part that is always in harmony with Life.

All is well.

Michael A. Singer ( 2022) living untethered. New Harbinger/ Sounds True

Meditation: A Learning Practice, Helping Us to Relax and Release Into Life's Disturbance.

Every single time you start to get disturbed, are you willing to relax and release? Or do you still need to go through another round of expressing and defending your blockages? 

Michael A. Singer, living untethered, page 170

How do we get beyond this addictive tendency of the mind to express and defend our blockages? How do we learn to relax and release in the face of disturbance? Meditation is one of many tools that can help us do that. 

Soften, Release and Relax

I make students mindful of  a mantra throughout my yoga classes, but especially near the end and that is  this: On every in breath  we breathe in awareness and on every out breath, we breathe out a softening, releasing and relaxing. My intention is to have this mantra  help  soften , release and relax their bodies as they settle into each pose but also to  have their minds soften, release and relax for the hour and  hopefully longer. I want my students to strengthen in their ability to relax and release with all Life gives them. Maybe the mat, I tell myself, is where this ability will begin. 

Teaching Meditation?

I am also a mindfulness and meditation teacher.  I met all the course requirements in the program  I took, which was offered by a professor with a PHd in psychology.   I have a Certificate and everything.(As if that means anything in the big scheme of things lol) But, if you came to me and said, "Teach me how! Make me a meditator too".  I would have to say, "Sorry, but I cannot do that. I can show you how I meditate, talk to you about  what works for me and what doesn't, guide you through a session, talk to you about other practices that I studied in the course I took and in my independent practice, address the benefits, the obstacles and challenges of meditation that may arise but the only one who can make you a meditator,  is you. It is not like teaching math.  It is more like teaching "being". How does one make another a "be-er'"? Luckily, for you though, Michael A. Singer offers a chapter on Meditation in his book, living untethered.  And I will tell you this, as he also explains in the book, meditation can change your life. If you want more clarity, more peace, less reactivity in your everyday approach to Life, meditation, as a tool,  can help big time. "

Well that is how I would answer. :) 

A Spiritual Practice?  

We call meditation a spiritual practice but it is simply a practice of becoming a more peaceful human.  The key word is practice. Why? Because one cannot expect a perfect transcendent awakening everytime they sit down or even anytime they sit down.  It cannot be about that.  It isn't about stopping all that busy chattering in the mind either.  We will never stop thinking.  The mind thinks.  That is what it does.  Meditation is more about being aware that the mind is thinking and being aware of this often forgotten truth: If we are aware of the mind thinking, we are aware that something inside us is aware. Let's tap into, "Who is aware?" instead of the thoughts and the story the mind wants to pull us into. Don't resist the thoughts...just notice that they are there. By noticing them we become aware of awareness. 

Don't Resist: Soften, Release and Relax

So the thoughts are there and they "should" be there. Believing they "shouldn't be" is resistance and resistance is one of the biggest blockages to relaxing and releasing. A big part of meditation practice is being mindful and aware that you are thinking when you are thinking and instead of following those thoughts, giving them all your devoted attention and blind obedience until you are lost in them, in meditation practice we intend  to simply step back a bit away from them and observe that we are thinking. We relax the body and mind to do that, without judgment or preference. 

Whatever is going in there is fine-as long as you can objectively observe it. This is called mindful meditation. Page 168

Gaining Back Our Power of Attention

Then we take our attention away from the thinking mind onto something else. I use breath awareness, counting breath, my mala, a sankalpa, body scans and sometimes the words of others(guided meditation)  to distract me from the addictive pull of mind stuff. We decide what we are going to put our attention on, not the mind.  It is an empowerment exercise just as much as it is a relaxing one. 

Is it going to be perfect?

No, it doesn't have to be perfect.  Don't add unrealistic expectations to your practice. It is what it is, it will be what it will be.  It's a practice...we get better at it as we go along. We are going to get lost in thoughts and mind stuff  again and again...we just pull our attention away again and again. That's all. Sometimes we will be able to count our breaths perfectly without distraction ( if that is the method we are choosing) and other times we find we cannot seem to get past 10 breaths without losing focus.  That's okay.  We just catch ourselves and start over again until our time is up.  

Willingness and Commitment is so Important 

Like anything we practice we need a certain willingness to show up and a certain commitment to continue.  Set a time for yourself...maybe 15 minutes twice a day and stick to it! I notice my commitment has been waning.  I have been pulled away from my practice by life events and by the stories my mind was telling me about these life events.  I often put my practice aside as a result. The more busy and stressful our lives are, the experts say, the more we should be meditating. 

I know I need to recommit to twice a day for 20- 60 minutes.  I really do.  It has to be my daily priority. It will be!

All is well! 

Michael A. Singer (2023) living untethered. New Harbinger/ Sounds True

D

A Dialogue With Life and Deeper I

 What is the highest spiritual state that could possibly exist? You wake up in the morning and there is not a thing on your mind except the excitement and joy of having woken up again and there you are. You get up and go through your day experiencing what it is like to be spinning on a tiny little planet in the middle of nowhere, experiencing what happens to be happening on that planet in front of you at that moment. You have no fear.  You have no anxiety. You have no hopes.  You have no dreams.  You have no beliefs. You have nothing….except your own being which is the being who knows that you are there.

Michael A. Singer

Can one make a living as a philosopher? Because I would happily become one right now...being I  spend most of my waking time trying to understand the thinking mind so I can get beyond the thinking mind.  I am so done with any Rene Descartes notions of,  "I think therefore I am."   I  am coming to see that "I think" is keeping me from "I am." It is in the way. I want to get rid of "I think" so I can be "I am". Sigh!  Still I would like to be paid to express how thought attempts to understand thought.  Yes it would be nice to be paid to do what I do here...paid for something lol.  

Looks like I am not going to make an income at my part time gig as I keep getting called away from it by life circumstance at a time  the demand for the likes of "me" is diminishing. Any opportunity I may of had  in the last little while was met by some resistance and often an outright , "No!" from Life. The yoga buz is not bustling either.  I had to spend to set up my web page, get my license and therefore insurance from the alliance renewed...and a few little things to teach in the community ...plus the space  I am renting .  I am now in a bit of debt that will likely not be rectified by what I will make. I don't need to make a profit off of teaching yoga ...that was never my main goal but I prefer not to be  in deep debt because of it. (There I am preferring something other than what is again). Since the creation of my little studio, I had it all worked out as to what it would cost to pay back the expected debt...and I could have done it no problem....even if I gave many of my classes away without charge like I tend to do...but ...COVID hit...and like it did for so many besides this little "me",  it took away my students and then my income.  Most never really returned  ...so the debt remains. And there is so much to deal with besides the finances.  These little jobs can no longer distract me from these issues and my body is starting to say , "No not having it!!!"  

So I, as I philosophize on this, hear, in my head, a three way conversation going on between "me" as the human, Life and witness consciousness which I will call the Deeper I.

It goes a little like this: 

Life: "Just witness and experience all that I offer you."   

Human "me":  " What the Fork Life? I am told I am just suppose to experience each fold of you unravelling in front of me but man can you take it a bit easier on me? Don't I have to pay the mortgage while I am witnessing?  Am I suppose to be poor and homeless like a forest dweller? Is that where you are taking me? I would like to know what is next once in a while so I can prepare.  You keep sucker punching me.

Life: You don't have to know what is next.  You just need to experience what is in front of you unfolding right now and be okay with it....whatever it is. Just witness and experience all of me without judgement or preference.  I will be what I am and you are graced with the opportunity to be a part of me.  

Human "me": "Graced??? Well you are not making it easy to even like you. Is that my karmic duty then? To suffer? Is that why you won't let me catch a bit of a break in the finance department or the human dilemma department ? And you do this when the number of  mouths to feed around here are increasing rather than decreasing as one would expect at this stage of life. When there are so many other things to deal with?Come on! "

Deeper I:" It is not about you Grasshopper. Remember that! "Me" is just a veil in a way of your being absorbed back into all I am. Do your best to get beyond the "self ", so you can fall back into "Self"  while you remember that you are, as a body and personality,  just one of 8 billion on a tiny planet in the middle of nowhere with the opportunity and honor of experiencing a slice of it all."

 Human "me":  Say what? A slice of what?  Man, you guys talk in riddles. That's all  fine and dandy but I am afraid this body and personality don't give a rats ass about ' falling back into witness consciousness 'when they have  to to keep others and self  alive. I need to survive on this planet in the middle of nowhere, don't I , if you as "Self"   are going to experience any of it through me as "self"? I can't crack up from the pressure of being a human being wreaked with problems, can I?  What good does that do anybody? 

Life: There are no problems anywhere but in your mind.  You create them.  You are the problem!

Human Mind: WTfork? Give me a break! 

Deeper I: I agree with Life, Grasshopper. From where I am,  there are no problems either.  Just love and peace and bliss. Life looks amazing from here.

Life: Awe...thanks Deeper I.

Deeper I: No problem. I  can only speak the truth. 

Life: Now little human mind and body, you blame me for your problems and for your unhappiness but  I don't create problems.  I just offer what is in its ever changing temporal form. 

Deeper I: What is is pretty awesome from my point of view.

Life: (blushing) I offer you a slice of me to taste and to experience directly.  But because you are not okay inside you neglect what I give you as "not good enough" and blame me for your so called problems.  Then you seek to fix those "problems"   by coming to me with a list of your hopes, dreams, beliefs and preferences. You cling to that list , reciting what is on it over and over again,  as you try to twist and prod and move me around so it is more to your liking. Imagine you, one little blink of an eye in eternity, one tiny little soon to be expired  form out of the 8 billion on this planet at this moment...thinking you can change all that I have always been just to make you feel okay inside.  All that effort you and others  put into doing so over the centuries and it didn't change me. Not one iota. Has it ever changed me? No.  You cannot change me.  I am simply unfolding and revealing all that you could be experiencing.  Even if I did change to accommodate your pettiness, would that end your so called problems? No...you would just create more because your problems are not with me...they are with you.

Human me: What do you mean I create  my own problems? I didn't choose any of this.  I deserve more.  I deserve something better than this. I deserve to be happy.

Life: Who is unhappy?  Who wants to be happy? 

Human "me": What???

Life: Who inside you is unhappy? Are you happy Deeper I?

Deeper I: Of course. I can be nothing but happy and blissful, perfectly okay with everything as it unfolds in me and around me. 

Life: Deeper I is undisturbed.  Deeper I is untouched by these things you want fixed.  

Human "me": That is just  great  for Deeper I,  but what about this  human Deeper I is in?  Human "me" is not so great with what is happening .  

Life: If you fall back into who you are,  you will experience what Deeper I experiences when it embraces me.  True Love. Remember my dear...you are spirit having a human experience, not the other way around.

Human me: You are so annoying at times Life. Let me direct this to Deeper I: Deeper I,  are you not  supposed to be the wise one? Well do something to make me okay inside ....cuz you aint going to have a place to hang out for much longer if this keeps up. Let me tell ya! I  am still responsible for this human part of us that needs shelter and food....right? We  need a human mind that is not completely broken right?   Life might not give a darn if this body succumbs...if the mind goes bonkers but  is not some part of us suppose to do something about it. ...to keep it and others here as long as we can?  

Deeper I: Can't you see, I don't care what happens to body and mind and you shouldn't either. You are putting so much energy into  worrying about the body succumbing and the mind breaking when it is your worrying that is straining both, your efforting to make things different, your hoping and dreaming to be in some other moment, and  your denial of the truth that is making you so sick and twisted. You as the human part of us are just a flash in the pan, my dear. Whereas I go on and on and on. The body and the personality are so, so finite...just  a breeze blowing in and out.  Our body is going to succumb eventually, our personality ( which is nothing more than a representation of that list you insist on carrying) is going to go with it.  It may be today or it may be thirty years from now but it is going to happen. Why not let go, fall back into me and enjoy Life as Self  while you can. Say,  "I don't care what happens next",  with me. Experience the awesomeness of it. Just let go of that list you are holding on to. There can never be true peace as long as you are clinging   to it because you can never get to me with it.  

Human "me" : Why would I ever want to get to you if you don't give a darn about "me"? 

Deeper I: It is not that I don't have  compassion and loving kindness for you .  I just see what you are and I see what you have done in your confusion.  You created a "me" that isn't real based on that list. You created so many blockages by not embracing the what is of things and wanting more.  You are missing out on the amazing opportunity of truly living that you have been granted.. . 

Life: Yes I would like to flow through but you are so blocked.I would like you to experience the joy I have to show you but you have to let me in. 

Deeper I: You have created a veil between the  two of us, a separation...and let's face it,  you do not do well without me. I just want you to fall back into me so you can see in the clear way I see just how amazing this experience can be...so we can see that way  as One. You are not that which you created and assumed yourself to be on the other side of the veil.  You too, my dear, are Self!

Human Me: Hmmm! I don't  know.  I am soooo confused. You guys are so annoying! Maybe I will try falling back, only because I don't know what else to do. It sucks over here...  but.... I am not ready to put down the list yet.

Life and Deeper I: ( sighing in unison) Well it's a start. When you are ready we will be here.

I have no idea what I wrote up there or why lol.  I just wrote it. Inspired by the podcast below, I guess.

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe. (February 13, 2023) Exploring a Higher State of Being. https://tou.org/talks/

Relaxing In to the "What Is" of Illness

 Everytime you relax and release [into what is], a piece of the pain leaves forever. 

Michael A. Singer

Feeling better now though I am not 100%.  The experience of being ill over the last couple of days was a wonderful opportunity to fully experience one of Life's many offerings.

Say what crazy lady? 

At first I resisted being ill as we tend to do.  I had a workday booked, didn't know how to cancel it and was afraid to because I had to cancel one last week because of the emergency. Didn't want to let others down.  Told myself I was making too much of it by focusing on the negative.  Reminded myself it wasn't about "me": my body and personality.  It is all about what I can give the world ( Fever makes one's mind very dramatic!) So I took some Tylenol and Ginger Gravol and went off to work.  Working with a high fever was an experience, let me tell ya.  The kids acted up and I did little to correct them.  They probably could have been asking to run down the halls with machine guns and I would have said, "Just sign out when you go and when you return. And try to keep it quiet. "  I eventually had to go ask someone if I could go home. When I got home I discovered my temp was 38.5 on 1000mg of Tylenol...that is pretty high. I felt sooo sick. 

But I no longer had to resist the experience. I could experience it completely and in so doing help to release some old stuffed pain. I remembered the three techniques Michael Singer  suggested: positive thinking, mantra, and leaning back into witness consciousness

Positive thinking wise, I reminded myself that this was a wonderful opportunity to get the rest I wasn't able to get over the last week or so, it was an opportunity for the self care I was denying myself....that all I have to focus on right now...becasue that was all I could focus on...was the experience of my body.  Illness reconnects us to our bodies. 

Then I found myself using the mantra, "This too shall pass." I knew despite how sick  I felt, that it was a short term thing...it wouldn't last forever...the mantra helped

And finally I leaned back into witness consciousness and observed...allowing the entire experience to come in and move out of me. I crawled in to bed with the intention of experiencing it all fully.  I just lay there experiencing each ache and pain, each shiver, each flush of heat causing me to remove the blankets without judging any of it as "bad, wrong, shouldn't be!" It simply was as it was.  I witnessed the nausea and the way I was so repulsed by even the talk of food. I slept and slept and slept and when I woke up, I witnessed and experienced it all again until  I  was finally able to witness the sensations of relief as the fever broke. I noticed how everything appeared less foggy and unbalanced when that happened...like an awakening.

I was grateful I had this opportunity to practice with. I fully experienced a short term  illness, one of Life's many offerings. Eventually, I will be able to embrace all that is offered without resisting. Starts with the low hanging fruit.

It was cool? (Well ...after the fever broke ...before that it was pretty hot in here lol)

All is well. 

Healthy Thoughts for Healthy Molecules

Happy thoughts create happy molecules. Healthy thoughts create healthy molecules.

 Wayne Dyer

Was very ill throughout the night, possibly  with what my grandson must have had a few nights ago. My fever must have been through the roof.  It isn't COVID but I am very dehydrated. I did my best to just experience it fully...really was no choice but to.  Anyway, I awoke in a predicament.  I had accepted a job last evening when I was feeling okay and because I do not want to ( or know how to without leaving everything in a mess)  cancel another assignment ( had to do that because of the emergency on Wednesday) I decided to go in anyway.  Not the best public health move for a nurse to make and not the best self care move to make either. I just don't know how to cancel if people are dependent on a body being there. I am not sure about my decision, or how this day will unfold.  It will unfold the way it unfolds, I guess. Clinging to the words of Wayne Dyer to get me through. 

The way my body is reacting to the stressors in my life , I am going to be very, very cautious before accepting the next shift/work day. I won't accept a call in teh evening. I will get up in the morning and do 20 jumping jacks...stop, see how I feel before I accept a call :)...if it should come in. ( Slim pickings these days...just don't want to be in this predicament again). 

All is well 

Fully Processing Life

 There is nothing richer than a fully processed experience integrated into  your whole being page 162

Let's talk about this and other gems of wisdom shared by Michael A. Singer in Chapter 32, The Past. We all want to live life freely, peacefully, happily...do we not? Yet, most of us have these inner blockages within us, from the past, that keep us from doing so. 

So what do we do to get beyond our human limitations so we can fully express the spiritual nature of who we are?  We must get rid of the blockages!

...to achieve deep spirituality,  your unfinished past cannot be inside you. It must be gone, not suppressed-but gone. You will see over time that when those blocked patterns are gone, all that is left is teh flow of spirit. What is left is the most beautiful thing that could ever exist. page 163

How? We must stop judging the experiences that unfold as good,bad; right or wrong; should be or shouldn't be...and allow it all in.

When you have an experience, it can simply come in and touch consciousness directly.  It doesn't need the mind to judge it as desirable or undesirable and then store it accordingly. page 162

How do you see what is real? Let the past go as the blockages  naturally arise

The past blockages will come up on their own a daily basis, and when they do-let them go. ....if you want to see what is really out there, you need to get rid of your inner issues.page 163

When to let go? As soon as you get disturbed

To free yourself, the moment you notice disturbance, let go. Don't wait until that initial disturbance takes over your mind.  You are perfectly aware you're beginning to get upset before you actually get upset. You feel it. You feel when something starts to bother you. If you want to grow spiritually, that's the moment when you do the work. page 163-164

How do you let go? Relax right away

...when  the stuff starts to come up, the second you feel the change,relax.  Don't even  wait until you know what's it about;  just relax and let go. page 164

At what level should we work with samskaras? At the energetic level. 

You can work with your samskaras at the energetic level rather than teh mental level. This is much deeper.  page 164

What is the purpose of Life then? Letting Go and Purification

Eventually, you will take it seriously that the purpos eof your life is letting go of these stored patterns....It's not about renunciation-it's about purification. It's about cleaning out the inside so you can have a beautiful life, both inside and in. page 164

Is it worth all this pain the released energy of samskara will bring? Yes!

At some point in your growth you will recognize that freeing yourself is worth the discomfort of letting go of past disturbances...We are talking about putting out a fraction of that effort to win everything, and the fruits of your effort will keep giving over time. Imagine not having those sensitive blockages in there. Imagine being able to enjoy the world as it unfolds around you. You can begin to appreciate life and wholeheartedly participate in it. Page 165

All is well.

Michael A. Singer ( 2022) living untethered. New Harbinger/ Sounds True

Shining Armour

 The Knight's Shining Armour

Battle weary, broken and bruised,

 beneath this shield that you see,

I peer through the armour,

that constricts and restricts,

the blood flow to my heart.

Yet the armour shines,

so important to keep it shining,

reflecting your perfect image back to you.

You expect this iron casing,

to echo each  practiced expression 

of  your pain,

to reveal to you 

your  selected sorrows 

and photoshopped  glimpses of your  beauty,

so you can see your “self” clearly.

You want this outer layer, this “me”  

to show you that it feels what you feel,

that it understands that which lies

so precariously between

the flimsy shield of your own armour

and the deep bleeding tissue of your being.

I am to see through the metal you wear,

with my Xray vision,

while I, with a surgeon’s precision,

 dare not pierce the surface,

of your tender flesh

with the beams of my magical radiation,

causing even a drop of blood

or an ounce of pain

to make its way through to you.

Then I am to reveal, in perfect detail,

on my own shining surface,

the mystery of what I pretend to have seen,

with  my intimate dissection

of your still hidden Self.

What glistens from my surface then

fills in the cracks and holes of your armour,

helps to create another

noisy  barrier of  underlying protection,

 over the layer of your vulnerable tissue

so nothing tucked away beneath,

can come through.

It is of utmost importance,

that nothing tucked away beneath

come through.

 

My role as your special person,

astride my restless steed,

is to gallantly build and protect

your defensive surface,

to protect the underlying barrier,

and to keep the blood flow

of the real you from emerging,

while my own armour creaks and strains

with the rust of its neglect,

 a rust I must keep forever  hidden

beneath the shine

of the outer surface.

 

If I falter in my mission,

I am painfully aware,

your well sharpened sword,

knowing instinctively

where even the best armour opens,

will find its way through the metal,

through the barrier of chain mail,

through my hidden flesh

and into my constricted heart.  

The long- ago written rules

of love and war remind us,

that this is only fair.

 

So heavy is this armour,

that we have learned,

through the devoted teachings

of the human mind,

to stare at each other behind.

How blinding and misleading

is the reflection it gives back to the world.

So broken am I beneath it.

I feel the blood oozing

through my rusting mail,

pooling in the space between it

and the metal casing that you see,

making its way  through holes

the hungry rust has eaten through.

You will see it soon…

First in trickles, then in gushes,

painting my armour red with

my much too long stuffed reality,

dimming the shine of your reflection

with all I stuffed away,

in order to be

your knight in shining armour.

My heart wants to beat 

without constraint,

to push the Life fluid through my vessels

with each laborious contraction,

and into the tissue

that longs to be exposed. 

You may be devastated by the naked flesh

that emerges from my opening,

But I,

who I really am

and who I have always been,

like  a bloody infant emerging  

from a cold, metal womb,

will finally be free.

If you look close enough at that

which which was once

 hidden so cleverly

beneath the surface reflection

I wore,

my love, 

you too will see your Self.

And no longer will the services of 

a Knight's armour be required.

 

©Dale-Lynn, February 2023

Brought to mind these quotes from ACIM on the dangers of special relationships.  There is no danger in love...it is everything...but when we look to others to reflect love back to us(as if it can be found "out there", when it is inherently "in here"), to protect us from our own buried samskaras, or to  to keep us from feeling pain...then there is a problem with love. Most special relationships are simply modes of defense and attack. 

Specialness is the  great dictator of the wrong decisions. Here is the grand illusion of what you are and what your brother is...Specialness must be defended. Chapter 24 I :5:1-4

Specialness is the seal of treachery upon the gift of love.ACIM Chapter 24 II:12:1

Anyway, what do I know? 

All is well.

Embrace the Sacred Past

 Your past is uniquely yours. It happened. Its sacred. It's beautiful. Nobody else had it, and nobody else will.  Embrace your past, hug it, kiss it-love it to death. 

Michael A. Singer, living untethered, page 165

All is well.

You Are The Probelm

 You are the problem, and that cannot be solved outside. It can only be solved inside. 

Michael A. Singer

That is the hard truth about any so called "problem" we might have with Life right now, isn't it?  It is not out there. Even if you just found out you were cheated on or your loved one has cancer, these things are not the real problem, as pain inducing as they are.  You were not okay inside before these things unfolded and they simply triggered something within you,  what was already wrong with you. You are the problem. You and you alone are the only one that can make it better inside you.  And it doesn't matter if you have a diagnosis of a mental illness or not .  You are responsible for your own well being, your own happiness. Yes, that means that problems  are your responsibility You are "response-able" for your so called problems becasue you are responsible for your Life. You may not have a choice as to what Life hands you, but you always have a choice in whether or not you will activate your responsibility or if you will continue to react in unhealthy ways. You have the ability to respond to Life in a healthy way by taking responsibility for your inner world or you can  react in an unhealthy way by blaming everything on others and the "outside world. You can choose to go inward and fix what is broken inside you or you can look outside for solutions that will never be enough.  You are the problem. And that means you are the solution.

That's pretty harsh, crazy lady?

Maybe, but it is true. Yes, there are things in Life that are very hard to handle. Things that  are pain inducing, adding complexity and sorrow to your life experience.  There are many things that are far from pleasant and wanted.  Yet, these things are happening and will continue to happen as Life does what it does...not to "you" personally....but just as an unfolding. You cannot run away from them or stop Life from doing what Life does.  It just is as it is. You will experience pain, sometimes gut wrenching pain as you are here to experience it all. That pain may seem unbearable at times.  It may bring you to your knees...but if you use your power of responsibility rather than your habit of reactivity...the pain will pass eventually, the so called "problem" will cease to be.  It will not get stuck in you like so many things already have.  

This is true regardless if you have a mental illness that leads to emotional regulation or not. Even if your pain experience is ten times more intense than  the person's next to you, even if the trauma you experienced in the past was absolutely horrendous. What you have inside you now is yours.  What may have happened to you or in your Life might not be yours but your response to it, is.  It will definitely be more challenging for you to deal with painful events as they unfold, if that is the case, but it is still possible to handle this pain.  If you  have emotional dysregulation or have severe PTSD  you may have developed a thicker wall of resistance than most would have in order to avoid this pain, you may be using  many more unwholesome  coping mechanisms  in comparison to someone who does not feel pain in the intensity you do which will mean a lot more unravelling to get to the core ...but...but..it is still your responsibility to come to terms with it The problem is still yours.  Others cannot fix it for you be they a loved one or a licensed therapist.  You can definitely be supported and educated on skills that will help you to cope with the pain you are experiencing (DBT, maybe) but it will be up to you to use what ever resources are out there to help you to deal. People and things will never be the exact way your mind tells you they need to be in order for you to feel okay inside. It just doesn't work that way. And the more you keep thinking "they should be becasue you have this or that..." the more disappointed you are going to be, the more betrayed by others you are going to feel, the more unloved and unsupported you are going to believe you are. Once you can simply say, "This is mine and it is up to me to work on my insides.", while you realize the truth about life including the limitations of others...and really, really  mean it...than a certain healing will naturally take place. Sigh! 

I know someone who is suffering intense pain right now. I feel that pain acutely when I am with this person so I know it is so real.  They have a pattern of emotionally reacting  severely to certain life circumstances that the rest of us could tolerate. That emotional dysregulation is very real. Yet, a part of them refuses to own it and the experience.  They see others and life circumstances as the source of  problems and themself as  a helpless victim to them. They depend very heavily on the diagnosis they have been given and the fact that our mental health system is very limited in resources specific to that diagnosis. They  feel they cannot get better until Life changes to meet their specific expectations...until the right mental health resources magically appear, until Life stops being challenging and until people are expressing love and support  in the exact way they  feel they should if they really loved them. The reactions to life events and the behaviors of others are very extreme: full of blame, judgement, anger, even violence and self harm. These reactions can go from 0 to 120 in a matter of seconds and they are terrifying to witness. There is a point where this person  definitely loses control putting them at grave risk. And even in the less reactive times, there  is a lot of pushing away and pulling in at the same time so no one knows exactly how to approach or support. 

Though ,I see how complex this all is, and how "real" , I also see the simplicity of the true problem under all these layers of complexity. The major issue isn't the diagnosed condition...far from it.  The major issue is resistance to what is and a lack of ownership of the problem. I want to shout from the top of my lungs sometimes when I am witnessing reactions: Stop resisting Life! It cannot go the way you want it to, so stop demanding that it does! Stop blaming Life when Life is just doing what it is does.  It is not out to get you...it isn't even thinking about "you" . Stop expecting and demanding so much from other people. They will never be able to give you enough to fill you up or fix that discomfort within you. Stop standing in the way of your own recovery! This idea of "me" you are defending and protecting has got to go! It ain't no freind!Stop using those defense mechanisms that pull you down  more and more and just sit with the pain. It can't be half as bad as the pain you are inflicting on yourself through your own resistance.  Face the fact love, you are the problem.  That means you are the solution."

Well, lets just say any attempt at expressing this was not met in a favourable way. I don't say much anymore.  I just do my best not to react...to stay calm, compassionate and understanding. Though, I am told over and over again that I am only doing harm. Oh man! Anyway, serendipitously that was  on my mind as I listened to Michael Singer today in his weekly talk, From Believing to Knowing. In this talk he reminds us that we are not the thoughts and the emotions we are experiencing. We are simply the one watching them. We are not human beings having or not having an odd  spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human one. If this person can get to that realization they would be free of so much unnecessary suffering, would they not?  I wish that for everyone but especially for them.

All is well.   

Michael A. Singer (2022) living untethered. New Harbinger/Sounds True

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe (February 9, 2023) From Believing to Knowing. https://tou.org/talks/

Not Yet Wise

 Things are the way they are because of all the influences that made them that way.  You are not going to change the weather by complaining about it. If you are wise, you will start to change your reactions to reality instead of fighting with reality.  By doing so, you will change your relationship with yourself and with everything else. 

Michael Singer, living untethered, page 157

If you are wise...

Hm! the above quote from Chapter 31, Low Hanging Fruit, makes so much sense to me but I am still having a hard time with this practice. I am not yet wise.   I still allow myself to get all gobbled up by habitual patterns of relating to my life circumstances. Maybe I am managing the low hanging fruit better...those smaller, less distressing situations...  but when I get overwhelmed with the constant influx of bigger situations, even the low hanging fruit are a real pain in the butt lol and I react to them...becoming frustrated, angry with others, resentful, negative and snappish. . 

There are too many situations deemed as "crisis" in my life, it seems, and I am constantly responding to one "Fire!" call after the other.  I am not really saving anyone when I do either.  I cannot put out the fire.  I can only wait for it to burn itself out while I do my best to ensure no one else gets burned. Oh, I get burned, again and again and again ...yet I jump to the call, dropping everything I might have had planned for "me" or others and I go in, breathing in the smoke and absorbing the heat from the flames  into my skin until the fire is at least somewhat contained. Then  I  hope that the person I am their to help will wait until I at least get home before they light another match.  Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. It is so bloody exhausting!! 

Yesterday I got the fire call after I planned a perfect day: a half day of work giving me ample time and energy left over to do my thing here and to prepare for my community yoga class. Then the call came...somewhat expected...and I sat where I was knowing that I couldn't keep responding to these calls...the person I was so wanting to help was going to keep lighting matches until they discovered, what I and others can see,  that they are the ones starting their own fires. I didn't want to give up the work day or make it inconvenient for those who were depending on my being there.  I didn't want to exhaust myself before my class tonight either.  I knew the quality of this class would determine the possibility of others. I wanted to prioritize "my" things. So I hesitated. 

But someone called "Fire!" again , this time louder. I found myself sliding down the pole and jumping into the truck with sirens blaring. I responded to yet another crisis, dropping "my" things to go stand in the midst of flames I had little to no responsibility for starting while I was told over and over again that I was not doing enough, I was making the fire worse. 

Then when the fire settled enough for me to go back home with my radio ready to receive another call telling me to go back, I left to prepare for my class.  I was burnt out and exhausted. My mind would not work the way I wanted to, as a result I did not offer the class to my expectation. 

What I found was that I was resenting how the constant fire alarms were always interfering with my own attempts to improve my situation.  I was resenting how they were  interfering with the bit of Life this "me" I call myself was having. I was resenting the sacrifices, I, as "me",  was making. . 

Anyway...what I am trying to say is I need to change my reactions if I want to live wisely. Maybe not the external reactions of going to help out at fires but the resentment for doing so.  Maybe I also need to start offering as much care to myself  as I offer to those others I am trying to help.  

I feel this is all  triggering in me that samskara of inadequacy hiding in my core. I don't know...too tired to think right now but I will reflect on it farther. 

In the meantime, I call this non-reactivity, this letting go of pain ... a practice. 

The best way to let go of stored pockets of pain is to practice. Michael A. Singer

All is well!

Attention Practice Opportunities for Nirodha Parinamah

 The flow of nirodha parinamah becomes steady through habit.

Patanjali's Sutra III-10 (translated by Satchidananda)

I spoke of nirodha parinamah in an entry by the same name a few days ago. I want to touch on how we have the opportunity to advance further whenever we are blessed with awareness of what we are doing before we slip into old patterns of suppressing and repressing etc. .When challenging  circumstances come into our lives, instead of  judging them as "difficult, unpleasant and unfavorable", we can see them as the wonderful gifts they are.  They are always opportunities to practice and develop new habits that are much more life affirming than our old ones were. What makes this possible is our awareness, or attention, 

Krishnamurti speaks to this in a talk he gave in 1971, in Madras. (See link below) 

You insult me.  The response to that insult is from the old brain, that has divided itself, that has been functioning in a pattern. At the moment, for the old brain not to respond, can only happen when there is complete attention. In that moment of attention, there is no cause-effect. 

Food for thought.

The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali (2011) as translated by Swami Satchidananda. Integral Yoga Publications

J. Krishnamurti .Dialogue 14-Madras-5th January 1971-'Conflict and Consciousness'https://www.jkrishnamurti.org/content/dialogue-14-madras-5th-january-1971-conflict-and-consciousness

All is well

Techniques for Surrendering

 ....when you are okay in there, you will not be thinking about how to be okay. You will just be relaxing into the quiet space of peaceful well-being. This requires that you be okay with your thoughts and emotions....When you relax into witness consciousness you are surrendering into the reality of what's happening. Michael A. Singer, page 156

Besides changing our negative thoughts to positive ones, there are two other things Singer suggests we do to free ourselves from the effects of our samskaras.  We can use a mantra and we can learn to relax into witness consciousness. They all go together though.

We notice our thinking. Then we refocus to something more positive as we relax into what is, including what the mind is doing. Instead of getting all tensed up and ready to fight and resist, we detach somewhat  from what is going on inside and outside us, leaning back into the observer as we simply witness the experience.  Being able to relax into what is, can  be practiced through mantra meditation  We can also use a mantra in the face of something challenging to deal with like, "I'm okay.  I can do this." We can use a mantra to help us tame our minds to become more relaxed and positive etc. 

The three techniques of positive thinking, relaxing into witness consciousness and mantra are helpful for freeing ourselves from the "bondage of mind." We can surrender to what is and be okay. 

All is well

Michael A. Singer (2022) living untethered. New Harbinger/Sounds True.