Embracing Joy so We Can Embrace Suffering

 

In my approach to the practice, I focused on suffering for many years. I did not understand that generating the feeling of joy and being in touch with the wonders of Life is a way of handling suffering. So I need to recognize I may be underestimating  how powerful well-being, joy and simple happiness  can be as a response to the situation we are in globally and collectively. 

Thich Nhat Hanh 

I have been thinking about the steps I have been taking lately to understand and transcend "suffering".  It is the same direction most spiritual movements have taken over the years and it has been the direction psychology has taken to date, is it not?  Most research and emphasis in this field has been on understanding and attempting to "fix" or at least help ease emotional and mental torment.  The focus, then has been on the so called "negative " emotions which Fear would have likely been considered the ring leader.  Hmm!

Putting the Positive In Psychology 

I am now taking a course, where the psychology focus is on positive emotions rather than negative (And Love is the ring leader for this pack).  Positive Psychology  is all about understanding these positive emotions and how they can help us to attain and  maintain emotional and psychological resilience and strength. The focus is no longer on learning how to "get rid" of  or, at least, directly diminish the effect negative emotions have on our day to day experiences but on fostering, " Broadening and Building" the positive effects the positive emotions have on our lives. 

Does this new approach change my trajectory, does it take me off course? No, it beautifully supplements and enhances what I have been learning as I tap into the ancient teachings from the east. And, it offers, what so many of  us, who are held back from true freedom by our skeptical doubt, need...scientific validity. 

Skeptical Doubt and The Need for Scientific Validity? 

I am at the point that I really do not need the scientific validity...in fact if I read one more psychology research paper I will likely throw up. (No offense to those who painstakingly research, collect  and share  evidence for us doubters that prove their brilliant hypotheses' ...but "Research and Design' was my least favorite course. The sharing of data collection does not make for very interesting reading for a mind that works like mine does. The statistical analysis required...ugh!!! And Nursing Research Papers can be even worse...I know, I wrote a few. So I am challenged by such papers. I know others who thrive on such research.) 

To me this "knowing" that we are seeking, whether we know it or not, cannot be effectively collected through controlled experiments  and it can not be accurately expressed in words, ideas, thoughts or conclusions. It is beyond all that.  Still...we often have minds that say, "Explain it", "prove it", "show it". Empirical evidence comes in handy here.

Still...this Truth that we are attempting to prove true  is ancient...and very, very experiential. "Love heals"...yeah...all we have to do is feel true Love to experience its healing effects, first hand.  "Feeling happiness and joy gives us more energy", feel joy and happiness and you will know. Loving kindness and compassion improves our social connectedness and fosters a sense of safety, security and belonging in us...try it and find out for yourself.  

Embracing Joy/Embracing Suffering

Anyway...these  "ideas"  of positive emotions and suffering go hand and hand. In this lovely article, as linked below, we see how positivity can help us to embrace suffering with much more ease.  Being positive does not mean we negate the less than positive emotions.  (Eventually, if we evolve enough ,we put away our duality focus of good, bad, negative or positive) 

Also it is good to note that in the 16 exercises for mindful breathing, the Buddha strongly suggested that we generate joy and happiness prior to recognizing and embracing our pain. There is definitely a need for Positive Psychology in our approach to  well being. 

All is well. 

Brother Phap Linh ( November , 2021) Generating Joy and Embracing Suffering Plum Village App. https://plumvillage.app/generating-joy-and-embracing-suffering-in-times-of-crisis/

Mindfulness Bell.org/Thich Nhat Hanh (Winter /Spring 2010) Dharma Talk Sutra On the Full Awareness of Breathing https://www.mindfulnessbell.org/archive/tag/16+exercises+for+mindful+breathing

Plum Village App/ Thich Nhat Hanh (July, 2020) Nourishing Our Joy and Happiness/ Thich Nhat Hanh/ Short Teaching https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KsQsmzm-ys

School of  Positive Transformation

A Poised Mind

 

To a poised mind the ups and downs of Life appear trivial.

The Yoga Vasisthas

Well, I don't know about you, but I want a poised mind. I want a mind that looks out at challenge and difficulty and says, "So what? It doesn't matter.  It is all good!"  I want a mind that also  looks out at beauty and abundance and says, "So what? It doesn't matter.  It is all good." 

Does the elephant flee at the sight of oxen tracks? What is of no consequence to the wise is appalling to others. For does not the rain, gathered in the foot print of a cow, seem an ocean of incalculable area to a mosquito? 

I want to view Life like a powerful beast would and not  as a tiny vulnerable insect. Trusting the mountain of stability that lies beneath our fragile little buzzing personalities will poise our minds and help us to see how much of it really is just trivial. Good or bad, scarcity or abundance...all trivial in its duality. 

Know this Suragho, that the farther removed you are from worldly distractions, the brighter the light of God illumines you. Just so long as you are engrossed in the affairs of the world, the true principle of God will not be recognized by you.

(This site is no longer showing me what was read?  I just have the number of viewers shown in last 24...and it will allow me to see some url's and the country they come from, but that is it.  And last ten posts show no readers...though I know they have been read??)

The Yoga Vasisthas as translated by Rishi Singh Gherwal, 2021

Counting Sorrows?

 Man is fond of counting his troubles but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up, as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for all. 

Fyodor Dostoevsky

10,000 sorrows? 

Hmm! It is not that I was counted my troubles over the last couple of days.  It was more like they were popping up , with hands waving in the air, wanting to be counted. lol. I felt completely overwhelmed yesterday.  I couldn't think straight, felt that tightening in my gut that I believe is my body's way of reminding me I am resisting, with every thing that popped up to say, "Here!"...(as if I was calling row call for all the things in my life I wanted to change or fix)  lol. ) There was no way I could seem to ignore each ongoing stressor as it reminded me of its presence ( it was not like they were new, either ...they have all been hanging around for a while and it is not like they were small, little everyday stressors either.  Big stuff!!).  I couldn't avert my eyes in time, couldn't shut them out or numb, distract, suppress or repress from  each one as it popped up.  I was caught up in the energy of it all and it was like being caught up in a whirl pool waiting to be spat out.  The energy around me was affected...the little things didn't "flow" nicely.  I had last minute responsibilities and appointments to squeeze into a day that I wanted to make "ticker friendly" ( heart acting up a bit); there was rushing that led to palpitations and other symptoms;  just attempting to make a visit to a loved one in need seemed to take hours...becasue of one obstacle or another; I lost the keys to the SUV that were literally in my hands and spend 30 minutes looking to no avail: I spilled things; the dog made a mess in my yoga studio; I stepped on a tack: I made 25 % on my first try at a MC test for my course ( they allow you to repeat it, thank goodness); I ran out of dog food; I forgot to eat and got weak at the vet's; I go to pay for very expensive meds for my dog and realize I don't have enough money in my account  to buy a litre of milk(I forgot it was mortgage day); I had to borrow money from my credit line ( more debt!) and from my daughter ( and I heard that voice in my head go off again, "Imagine having this type of a bank account at your age!    Imagine having to borrow from your daughter. Shame! Shame Shame!) and I came home to realize how my yard, my house and the apartment down stairs is so in need of spring cleaning at a time walking up a flight of stairs is pooping me out!  And it was just this big "UGH!!!" wanting to emerge from every cell of my body.  Too much!!! 

Where are the 10,000 Joys

The fact that I am taking a Positive Psychology Course right now, ( that I cannot afford at this time...more guilt and shame!) is quite ironic as  part of me wants to shut down completely.  It does! I don't know where to start to fix and mend what is broken, to clean up what is messy, dirty and chaotic, to help where I am called to help;  to step back where I am needed to step back; to take the steps toward finishing all that is unfinished...and to just "deal". I don't know how to even begin dealing with this let alone how I am supposed to be feeling about it.  I want to be positive, drawing on some reserved positive emotions I have stored in my tool box...I do ...but like my keys, I no longer know where that tool box is! No wonder I can't remember what I have been learning and am flunking this course I cannot afford. 

Then it hit me this morning.  Since it is just too much and I don't know where to start "changing" all that I am resisting...what if I just looked at all of it and put my big long proverbial arms around it and loved it just as it is.? 

Love it as it is?? 

Well Love according to my course definition is in reference mostly to how we feel and interact with others but I see it applying, as well, to how we feel and interact with Life. "Deep Affection"" and a "willingness to put their needs first"....can apply to how we view our life circumstance.  If I have deep affection for this energetic process called Life and I have a willingness to put Life's needs before my own petty "little me" needs...with a big "Thy will be done!" kind of thing...I would have much less whirling in my belly and much more peace.  Wouldn't I?  If I could view all this heartache in the same way I view my grand son's little face...perfect just as it is, with no need to change, or fix, or control and no need to resist or push away, with no conditions placed upon the positive emotion I feel for it...loving it when it smiles, loving it when it sleeps, loving it when it is awake screaming..wouldn't I be onto something?  Wouldn't I be feeling love of Life no matter what and therefore wouldn't I be much more positive and alive than I feel when I squirm under the weight of what my mind tells me I need to change?  Wouldn't the people I love and want to help be far better off to have that peaceful, surrendered energy around them than what they have now?   I feel in complete awe when I look at his little face, revering the gift of his presence with great gratitude.  Why can we not  look at  Life that way, no matter what circumstances we are offered, whether She is smiling at us with blessing, or screaming at us with challenge or just neutral, offering little in Her sleep??   Why can we not just let go of our resistance to it, as it is, in this moment and just let it all be? 

Well I feel right now that I cannot beat this very challenging  set of life circumstances I am encountering, have been encountering...and I am physically and emotionally tired...I feel my only choice here is to let go of that which I was clinging to in resistance and fall back into the arms of  Life That is exactly where another emotion defined by my course comes in...Serenity:  "Calm and Peaceful acceptance of one self"... I see serenity going way beyond acceptance of the little self to  all that we are...which is Life...It is acceptance of Life just as it is.  It is a letting go of resistance and an allowing of Life to be exactly as it is right here and right now. 

If I can put away my crippling need to change all this, fix all this, control any of it and just observe it all with serenity and love...wouldn't I then see the beauty, perfection and "joys" around  me that I overlook when I am counting my troubles. Would there  not be a natural arising of  more positivity ?  Wouldn't   I  and those I so want to help, be better off?

Anyway, all is well in my world.

Definitions from The School of Positive Transformation  

 

The Horns of a Little Beast

 If the mind is fully saturated with something, whatever happens to the body, will not affect the mind. The mind is even unaffected by the good and bad intentions of another, even as the firmly established mountain is not moved by the horns of a little beast. 

The Vasisthas/ Deepak Chopra

I love this passage from the Vasisthas as read by Deepak Chopra in the below meditation series. What others "do" or "don't do", what they "say" or "don't say" does not have to topple us over.  When we realize who we really are...and the mind is "fully saturated"  with that knowing...the behavior of others  is all so insignificant to our true sense of well being. I realized this again a few days ago when I was dealing with a perception of unfair treatment that led to memory of what I believed was unfair judgement of me in the past.  Like all such thought streams,  that one little "sting" rolled down the mental and emotional hill like a snowball collecting enough snow to become an avalanche. So quickly this  momentum  happens when we are on a downhill spiral. 

I caught myself ,then,  allowing and even encouraging this downhill spiral and I was able to stop it. I  was very grateful for a realization that occurred that allowed some old stored emotional stuff to be released and then I was grateful for the "greater truth"  that emerged from it all. When I was able to ask the question, "Who is hurt by all this?', I realized it was just my personality that got stung by the horns of this little beast  and not my true solid self which is as sturdy and un-penetrable, as firmly established as a mountain.  Hmm. 

Well so called "offense" comes in many forms and many intensities but we should be able to remain as firmly established as a mountain through all of it, shouldn't we?  I am asking for that mountain like stability now because a little beast may be heading this way. As tiny and insignificant  the will and behaviors of others may be, I know his horns can do physical damage to anything less than a mountain.  It is not my physical safety I am worried about even though threats were made, it is the physical and emotional well being  of my loved ones who were directly involved.  The horns of this little, suddenly released, beast have caused damage in the past and now I fear the beast is even angrier making it even more dangerous. The "threat" of nothing more than a mere future possibility are the horns butting up against me now,  and the  the fear of the unknown, the worry over the safety and well being of my loved ones is the steam he is snorting through his nostrils.  The  flesh of this beast is made up of  unconsciousness and a pain so great all that is seen is red. Will it move me? What can I do to ensure my loved one feels the firm stability of her own mountain roots through all this? 

I am reminded to trust.  All things happen for a reason.

Literally minutes before I received the news of the release, I was meditating and during that meditation I was thinking about this individual and saying, "May you heal, May you find peace, May you transform, May you be well." As soon as I finished the phone rang and I received the very shocking and unexpected news. Though I want all this for this individual  I do not want that energy that is still unhealed around my loved ones.  I don't want the littlest and most vulnerable of all to absorb any of that energy. As if this clump of flesh and overactive mind I call "me" has a say. 

There is some higher purpose at work here and instead of living in confusion, judgement and resentment for the system, and fear we can go inward to reestablish our stable mountains.

Who will be hurt? Not the Infinite Consciousness which is that which can saturate the mind and give us our mountain stability.  Everything else then becomes... just the horns of a little beast. We can find peace by calming our minds regardless of what the minds of others are thinking and doing.  

When the mind ceases its agitation all the good and  noble qualities blossom.  There is peace and purity of heart. We do not fall into doubt or error.  There is friendship which promotes the happiness of all. Worries and anxieties dry up. When the darkness of ignorance is dispelled the inner light shines brightly. Mental distractions and distress cease.  

Just as the ocean becomes calm when  the wind ceases to agitate its surface, Infinite Consciousness alone shines.

Just as space is unaffected and untouched by the clouds that float in it, this Infinite Consciousness is unaffected  and untouched by the Universe that appears in it.

Just as Light is not seen except through the refracting agent, even so Infinite Consciousness is revealed through these various bodies.  It is essentially nameless and formless but names and forms are associated to its reflection. 

All is well

Deepak Chopra and Adam Plack ( 2011) The Secrets of Healing: Meditations for Transformation. Spotify

The Universe's Greatest Gift: An Open Heart

How does your heart respond to the thought that the Universe is alive and compassionate and that with it and with other great souls of power and Light you learn through the process of co creating the reality that you experience? 

Gary Zukav, page 237

I am still working on getting that thought into my core so it replaces many of those old tired beliefs I  have in there that do not serve me, others or the world.  I do know that my heart responds very positively to it though. What about you?  How does that thought feel for you?  

As I come to the end of truly attempting to absorb, assimilate and process the teachings in this book, I find hope in this final quote  that I will leave you with: 

...As you challenge and release your fears and choose to heal, you align your personality with your soul and move toward becoming a being of the Light, fully whole and empowered, and inwardly secure. Humbleness, forgiveness, clarity, and love, all the gifts of the spirit, take root and bloom and you draw to yourself the Universe's greatest gift: human beings with open hearts. 

Gary Zukav, page 238

I choose to heal.  What about you? 

All is well!

Gary Zukav ( 1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New  York: Simon and Schuster

The Thinker and Thought

 What you think to be the thinker of thoughts is just one of those thoughts. What you believe to be the feeler of the feelings is just one of those feelings.  What you see as the experience of the experience, is simply part of that experience. 

Understanding non-duality can get a bit confusing especially as we make that transition from the duality consciousness where we depend on words, ideas and concepts to explain ourselves ...to the non-dual consciousness where everything just is.  For example, I keep telling myself that I am not my thoughts, I am just the observer of them.  I am not the object, I am the subject observing the object. That is where I am right now in my present understanding but at the same time I know it goes deeper than that.  Eventually we see that everything is just happening and we are that happening.  

There is no observed and the observed...there just is what is. "Observed" and "observer" are just words, ideas, concepts.  There is no subject and object...there is just now. "Subject" and "Object" are just words, ideas, concepts.  There is no knower and known...there is just the knowing.

When we first begin to "transform" or awaken we make the distinction between thought and thinker.  That is an important step.  We need to catch ourselves thinking therefore we need an observer of thought ( thinker) and thought.  Then we advance a step farther. According to Eckhart Tolle, We don't think. We are being thought...we are created by thought. Therefore, we can come to see we are thought. 

Alan Watts takes it farther by asking, " Is breathing something you do?" and the answer is "No".  We don't breathe , we are being breathed.  Breathing, like thinking and feeling, is just happening. The only time we need to make distinctions between nouns and pronouns is in our conceptual reality , those early steps of awakening and in grammar, of course...In the reality we are coming to understand, however,  that distinction is not necessary because it isn't there.  Everything just is. 

What is the point of this ramble? 

We really cannot make our awakening happen.  We really can't control our minds. Just like we really can't make our heart beat.

What we do in the final stages of transformation ...is realize that there is something bigger and greater happening around us and we are merely a part of it. The "I " can't transform us...because all the "I" is is a thought in the head.  Transformation is happening, we just need to get out of the way and let it happen. 

Note: I cannot understand this blog site.  I really have no clue what is happening here lol.  Just trusting.

All is well.

Living Happily

 It is very possible to live happily and to die peacefully.

Thich Nhat Hanh

Such a simple statement.  Seems so obvious but truth is, it isn't obvious for most of us.  We do not live happily...we live "busily" chasing after things we erroneously believe will make us happy but most of us do not live happily in this moment.  In fact most of us, do whatever we can to resist and escape this moment. 

And what about death?  Well as long as we fear death, seeing the end of our sense of 'self' in it, the less likely we are going to settle peacefully into "this good night".  

I want to live happily, I want to die, when my time comes, peacefully and I want the same for others. That is why  am taking the courses I am taking. 

All is well. 

Another Choice Based on Trust

 All of what you are doing in each day is creating what is appropriate and perfect. Apply consciousness to this process. That is trust. Although what you encounter and what you do in each moment is appropriate and perfect to the evolution of your soul, the shape of the experiences of your life is determined nonetheless by the choices that you make.

Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul, page 235

I am taking a couple of courses on line.  Man, my mind tells me I am foolish to spend money I simply do not have, getting farther and farther in debt to take courses that seem so abstract to others: Positive Psychology Practitioner and Mindfulness/ Meditation Trainer. Only days ago I was fussing over the fact that my meager income was not going to cover the mortgage and here I am spending money on courses. Why??

 When I seen an advertisement come up for such courses on Friday, my heart literally just skipped. I felt pulled to investigate.  I was being introduced to an amazing course offered by many wonderful  mentors I have been following for years offering exactly what I fantasized about being able to do someday, teach this stuff professionally.  And I just needed to know...how much, how much would it cost me to take this course? I went through all the advertisement information feeling the blood rushing to my face and finally there it was...the price...7700 dollars American ( which would be a heck of a lot more Canadian) and my bubble burst and flew across the room. 

Still the feeling would not go away.  A little voice within said, "This is what you want, what you wanted for so long...to be able to teach this wonderful stuff to others, to pass on this gift of mindfulness you have been lucky enough to tap into. (and maybe even get paid for it lol)  Maybe there is a more affordable course. "  So I began to search the net...and I came a cross a Canadian Institute that offered this and was convinced that was more for me.  I liked that it was Canadian and there was a course, a prerequisite to the mindfulness training,  beginning on Monday...how serendipitous that seemed. I talked to D. ...he agreed that my getting my trainer certificate  was certainly something that would benefit me and others ...it would be an investment he said and agreed to help me take on this debt. So the next day I plopped myself down to enroll in this prerequisite...but first I wanted to know what the actual trainer course was all about  and when it would be offered. I couldn't take the risk of spending money I don't have on this prerequisite if there was no guarantee for the whole training program.  I couldn't find the information I needed.

I was about to get up and walk away, and again that little voice within me said, "No! Don't give up.  Maybe there is another course.  All you really need is the paper validation that you can teach this stuff...and maybe a bit more learning and processing for you to take on this role.Keep looking".  So I did and up came an advertisement for The School of Positive Transformation.I loved the name and this feeling of calm flooded me.  I looked into it.  The Mindfulness Trainer Certification seemed very affordable, very doable.  It was put together by a University Psychology Professor who had an "awakening" and then went on to research, study and teach about mindfulness and meditation at the University level. .  I assumed I would be getting a good pairing of both scientific validation and a bit of ancient wisdom. I pushed away my fear and I enrolled.  

As soon as I enrolled an advertisement came up again , telling me that I could get $ 200 dollars off another course that would complement this one if I enrolled within an hour.    Normally, I would not fall for such an advertising gimmick...but something told me that I needed this too.  I looked into it.  It really interested me. Oh, but the cost of two courses in my financial situation...the debt I would incur.  Could I do it?  It is not like me to spend money on myself when there are so many other tings that need the little I make. I hovered with my finger of the button that said "enroll now"  ...I asked for guidance from any and every invisible entity out there that had my back...while my mind kept saying, "What about your bills? You do not like being in debt! etc etc" and my finger went down.  I enrolled.

I will tell you more about it later. lol

All is well. 

The Greater Truth To Healing

 Each time that you feel negative, stop, acknowledge that you are, and discharge it consciously. Ask what you are feeling and what is at the root of it. Go to the root of it in that instant and, as you work to pull the root, simultaneously look at the positive side and remind yourself of the greater truth that there is something spiritually profound at work, that your life is no accident, that you are under contract. 

Gary Zukav, page 233

Mind and Body Connection In Negativity 

I think the Nitro I have been taking has opened up my heart in more ways than one...It has made me very emotional over the last 24 hours. Emotions are directly related to the heart, just as the cause of my heart ailment has to do with a lot more than a few spasming coronary arteries  and an unpredictable  heart rate.  All illness has a psychosomatic connection. The mind and the body work together to create wellness or a lack of it. It is never just  the body and at the same time it is never " just in your head." You know?

My angina has a lot to do with more than an inherited physiological condition that temporarily blocks the blood flow to my heart, it has to do with a bunch of blocked emotions, as well, that close my heart. I don't just have angina in the body, I have PTSD in the mind...they go together, they work together and in order for my return to a state of true health, I need to look at both of these components at the same time. I can't heal from one without the other. I don't just need to learn to  keep my vessels open, I need to learn to keep my heart open. 

I see that connection so clearly now.  We truly need to learn to look at health and healing in a more holistic way.  I think it was Deepak Chopra that said, healing is just a return to wholeness. He also said the only true way to heal is through "enlightenment".  That is the secret to healing they are not teaching in  medical school. 

An Example 

So yesterday as I opened up to my "negativity" and my humanness I was experiencing both physical pain and emotional pain.  I found myself  very sad.  Just as there was some external triggers for the angina (over exertion the day before), there were some triggers for the emotional pain.  I was reminded by some very familiar (which was also familial, coming from the same blood line) treatment I perceived, of  the way I felt between the ages of 16-20  which were very challenging post traumatic years for me. For some reason I could not understand then, I felt very unworthy during those years of friendship from particular people, very undeserving of their generosity  and responsible for making these people self-sacrifice in order to be with me.  It felt as if these individuals  were so evolved they were going  out of their way to befriend me at great cost to themselves.  They were saving me when I was no fun to save. They were often victim.  I was often villain. What they gave me, I did not deserve and what I gave back, it was made clear, was never near enough. 

Healing Release

A lot of that "belief" came from me but now I realize it was externally reinforced in a subtle way,  as well. It struck me so hard as I was driving home from a visit yesterday, a visit I struggled for two weeks to get, of that connection.  I felt a ton of stuffed emotions from those years and from that erroneous belief I had clung to until then pouring out of me.  The Nitro was unblocking the damn. It felt terrible but it also felt very good to witness these emotions surfacing.  I was able to see it happening, to understand it and I felt great compassion for my younger  self  for the pain she experienced then, and I felt great compassion for my adult self and the pain I am experiencing now. I know I will eventually be free of all this pain the more I release and let go.  I also know I will transfer this compassion eventually to the others in this picture but for now it feels good to simply  nurture these feelings and myself. 

Something Spiritually Profound At Work

So as the clusters of chest pain continue to come and go, so do these stuffed memories and the attached feelings. My heart is opening, allowing for release. For the most part, I am feeling more "enlightened" than I was a day ago. I know the personality I identified with back then was broken and far from perfect just as she needed to be to get me here to this more evolved personality  and hopefully someday beyond both. She is responsible karmically for all her choices and she made some less than skillful ones, for sure.  No doubt she did things that caused pain and challenge for others, no doubt what she gave was not perfect  and I feel bad for that but even still...she had a big heart, was honest and kind, and very worthy of friendship. Clarity shows me that any opinion of her that others held was theirs not mine and any choices they made to "sacrifice for her" was theirs as well. She didn't know better then to see it all clearly, to believe differently and that's okay...all part of the process to get me here now. 

The Greater Truth

And this "me" that felt hurt yesterday, is really not anything but a thought in my head, right?  Who felt hurt?  The more I merge with the higher part of me, the more I go deeper into the vertical plane and the less hurt I feel from the horizontal. It all seems so very petty and insignificant. 

I share again in hope that it will help others to trust enough so they can  open their heart and truly heal. 

All is well.

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York; Simon and Schuster

Deepak Copra and Adam Plack (2011) The Secret of Healing: Meditation for Transformation. Spotify

Humanness Awakens

 Trust allows you to call forth your negativities in order to heal them. ...Do not despair because your humanness awakens.

Gary Zukav, page 232

My humanness awoke today...not that it was ever in deep sleep lol...but it  really woke up cranky to remind me, "Hey girl...you are still very much human no matter how you try to see yourself as beyond your body's limits. The body  doesn't go away, no matter how evolved you tell yourself you are becoming." 

I have been dismissing my body's symptoms again, convincing myself in more ways than one,  that my mind and my new energy level was so strong now that I did not have to succumb to my body's demands. I have been doing more exercise, more chasing around, swinging around, carrying around  and playing with my grand-kids.  I  have been moving heavy furniture and helping my daughter to move here and there over the last few months...lifting heavy boxes, jumping up onto the backs of trucks or trailers with them...I have even  been doing hard physical labor that would make an athlete sweat, like helping with the roofing months ago.  I have been shoveling when there was snow. I have been doing so much more than I have been used to doing. I mean I would get the symptoms during the exertion but ws able to take my mind away from them...I did not allow them to "scare me into stopping".  It was so cool how I stopped being afraid of them. The fear always made it worse. 

Today, after I spent the evening yesterday  helping my daughter move, I ended up with a bad dose of angina...worse than I had in a while.  I had a lot of Shortness of Breath and chest pain when I was lifting and carrying yesterday but I convinced myself  that it was okay...all good....not going to stop me.  But as is the way with me...I usually feel worse the next day...So as I was sitting with my tea this morning,  there it came, making its  breath taking appearance... chest pain...that went from a 5 to an 8 in a matter of minutes. I reached for my nitro, remembering that it was way expired.  I had not gotten  a new prescription becasue I had convinced myself I was all over this nonsense, I was done with Nitro and Emergency Room visits etc.  Man I had myself convinced. As I held that bottle with the 2019 expiry date on its bottom that I had used a few months ago during the last attack...I thought it worked then but would it still work now? I also  thought, if this doesn't work, I will have to go in to the ER and the thought of having to do that made the pain go to 9. I literally wanted to throw up at the thought of having to face all that crap again. .  I was sweating all over. I even hesitated to take the Nitro  becasue I didn't want to discover that it didn't work.

Then out of nowhere I had this "feeling" ...that kind of said, "Trust! Your body needs this.  It will work!" I took a hit and within five minutes I was feeling as right as rain.  So much relief and gratitude filled me I cried. After my past experiences, I have had great difficulty trusting my body symptoms, listening to them.  I felt empowered when I was able to convince myself that I could talk myself out of them or ignore them. That was false empowerment, I suppose.

True empowerment comes when we embrace all of our humanness, all of our negativity.  It is true that my evolving has lead me past my fear of death which is absolutely wonderful!!!  I accept that if my time is going to come soon, it is going to come. And that is one of the Five Remembrances from the Buddhist, "Subject of Contemplation" Sutra:  I am of the nature to die.  There is no way to escape death. So without this fear my experience of illness has a totally different context than it had before.  But that does not mean I am exempt from illness, that my body will not get sick or complain as it is beginning to do again as I write this.  Though I do not want to dwell on labels or specific disorders, knowing that is not who I am, I have diagnosed my body's condition long before I was actually diagnosed by a cardiologist. (I was diagnosed and am being treated for)  My body is challenged by something called, "Coronary Vasospasm" ...the arteries that feed my heart spasm  if I exert myself too much, or get too emotional or stressed, resulting in a decreased blood flow to the heart muscle which is technically Angina.  For me...it comes in clusters...I may not have any pain for months but once it starts I will have several attacks over a few days. I believe this is a familial condition and responsible for heart attacks in other siblings of mine, and possibly for the Sudden Cardiac Death of my older sister. I have been struggling with this for almost 30 years now and have yet to have a heart attack. So I guess that means my body is doing whatever it can to get me to pay attention so that doesn't happen. I can trust the pain when it tells me "Stop! Rest!  Take Nitro!" 

Anyway, I share that because we all need to remember the second of the Five Remembrances , not just the Third.  No...we should not live in fear of illness or death but we must face the reality of it.  We are not our bodies but our bodies are part of the package of our experience as human beings. We should not despair when our humanness awakens. 

I am of the nature to have ill health. There is no way to escape having ill health

At the same time we need to remember we are so much than these bodies, the only parts of us that succumb to illness and death.

I need another shot. 

All is well! 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Upajjhatthana_Sutta#:~:text=The%20Upajjhatthana%20Sutta%20(%22Subjects%20for,fragility%20and%20our%20true%20inheritance.

Happy Mother's Day

 Happy Mother's Day to all mothers everywhere! Being a Mother has little to do with genetic links, I am learning, and everything to do with Love. Have a wonderful day! 

All is Well! 

Just Taking It Step by step

Use all your worldly connections, but not out of fear or panic. Do what you need to do on your end. Your choice comes in knowing appropriate timing, clear motivation and trust.  Allow intuition to guide your timing.  Take it inside, ask how you feel, then move forward. Allow yourself to experience what it is to learn step by step the freedom that comes from being unattached to the outcome, but operating from an empowered heart. 

Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul ( 2014, Simon and Schuster), page 231

Readership dropping down below five a day.  I hear people around me, who read this, saying...it isn't you...it is the site...take your content and go to another site.  Who knows?  I may do that someday.  I truly appreciate what this site has given me though.  It has given me a platform on which to wake up in semi-public, at least. It has also given me the privacy I longed for in the beginning until I got my feet wet...and then it offered the slow introduction into society that I felt compelled to make.  It has given me what I needed to "come out of the waking up closet" . I am grateful. 

My supporters are right, too.  It isn't "me" that is responsible for the low readership, just as it isn't "me" that is responsible when the hits are up to 500 a day ( as they were only once or twice lol) I mean, it isn't "me" that is coming out here but a Deeper Self in which we are all a part of.  This is so far beyond anything "me" would be able to do or even want to do.  I know after I write that and it is read by another there will be a lot more  bouncing off this page.lol Still it is what it is.

I lay back, put my feet up here, writing what I write, taking it step by step, guided by intuition  and just wait for the flow to take me home.  Where it will stop along the way, I haven't a clue.  Certainly going to hit some very low water that I will have to pole my way through, and some very rough water that I will just have to pray my way through. I will take it as it comes. I may also hit a fork somewhere up ahead and be asked to take another tributary.  With Grace and Intuition's help ,I will make that decision then.   For now, I am just going to go with the flow of this, regardless of how many readers are visiting or sticking around.  All good. 

All is well in my world. 

Grace and Flow

 Grace is uncontaminated conscious Light. It is Divinity. Prayer brings grace and grace calms you. ...Grace is the tranquilizer of the soul. With grace comes a knowing that what you are experiencing is necessary. It calms you with a sense of knowing. 

Gary Zukav, page 230-231

Looking for that Uncontaminated Conscious Light 

I guess it is Grace I am looking for when I pray, when I intend, when I test the Universe with one of my many challenges and attempt to "manifest" something. (That word "manifest" still just does not feel right when I write it or say it).  I want that peaceful, tranquilizing effect  that comes with knowing that all is in order, that all is happening exactly as it is meant to, that all I have to do is lay back and allow the flow of Life to take me where it is taking me. How easy and uncomplicated  Life would be for all of us if we operated by this uncontaminated [by conditioning] conscious Light. 

Struggling Against the Flow

So many of us resist this flow, don't we, because we do not trust it?  We believe we know better than Life how "this thing called living" should go. We panic as we are  pulled down the river ,banging into every rock and every jagged edge of the shore, getting lost in Eddies, grabbing for whatever we can to gain "control" of that which we were never meant to control.  Some of us even swim against the current , fighting it, falsely believing that we know the best direction we should be in and it isn't the direction the flow is taking us. How exhausting that is, when all we have to do is lay back and relax into the flow, into the present moment, exactly as it is.  

Lay Back and Relax

One of the greatest lessons I have ever received came from a River Guide on a white water rafting trip I went on years ago with friends. "If you fall in, don't fight the current.  Just lay back with your feet up and let the river take you home."  

The river is taking us all home but too often we let the Fear from the mind convince us we need to do whatever we can to stop our being pulled by this  flow or to at least control it. 

As I write here now, open and exposing my deeper Self in ways that many are uncomfortable with, becoming as transparent as the water itself, writing  about this "invisible something" that is responsible for the flow, I am learning to lay back and just go with it.  My ego, my personality, my mind, my "little me"...however you want to describe that entity within us that is hell bent on gaining power and control on this horizontal plane, ...wants me to kick, and flail, and turn around and swim the other way....especially when I hit those inevitable  patches of  choppy white water   Yet the more I pray for the ability to trust and be led, the more I repeat, "Thy Will be done," and  the more I find myself here, laying back with my feet up as Grace takes me peacefully  home, the more I relax  into "what is".  Oh I still panic and flail about from time to time reaching for the shore; sometimes I feel lost out in the middle of nowhere with nothing but choppy water to deal with ; I still have no idea where I am being taken  but the resisting is becoming less and less. I am actually starting to truly relax and enjoy the ride. (Thanks to Grace)  I guess, I am learning to trust after all.

Relax into the present moment. Do what you need to do in the present moment. Yours is not to worry about that which we call the future. 

Hmmm! All is well.

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

Trusting or Doubting?

 Try looking at life as a beautifully well-organized dynamic. Trust the Universe. Trusting means that the circumstance you are in is working toward your best and most appropriate end. There is no when to that.  No end to that. It is.

The last chapter of Gary Zukav's book, The Seat of the Soul, is entitled Trust. I think it is the last chapter for a reason...because Trusting  is the most important and probably most challenging thing we humans have to learn to do while here.  Skeptical doubt is also listed as the last hindrance to our waking up for a reason.  Most of us, would you not guess, are plagued by doubt that Life has our back or that we are worthy enough to receive what she has to offer?  We doubt anything  we cannot see or understand as well.So how then can we trust that there is some "invisible""formless"  energy supporting us?  How can we trust the Universe then?  How can we trust that the crap we are going through now actually has a purpose for our greater good?

Trusting is Challenging

I find trusting absolutely a bit of a challenge.  Skeptical doubt is one of my biggest blocks to waking up, for sure.  Why? Maybe not for the usual reasons. 

Doubting and Manifesting

People might tell me that the only reason why I don't have the easiest set of circumstances showing up in my life...is because I am not "manifesting " correctly.  I am not "manifesting correctly", they may go on, because I am operating under the low vibration energy of doubt instead of the high energy vibration of trust.   I don't even like going there.  I have issues, as you may know, with the term "manifest".  I don't want to put my energy towards  intending "things" (that I erroneously believe will bring happiness)  to pop up into my life out of nowhere.  I want to put my energy towards learning, expanding, evolving and awakening to a higher level of understanding...an understanding that will bring a peace that passes all means of understanding ( if that isn't confusing lol).  I truly know that things or  circumstances will not bring happiness or unhappiness...so though I certainly wouldn't turn my back on a better financial situation, I am not putting all my energy towards "desiring" that because I know how unskillful that is.  

I put a lot of my energy towards learning to accept and find peace with the circumstances I have now.  Does that mean I don't trust the Universe enough to manifest a better Life?  I think it simply means that I see that  the impersonal and busy Universe, has bigger and more important things to look after, than the ever changing  personal woes of a mind created entity I call "me". I am convinced now that my level of peace is determined , not by the events happenings around "me" or to "me", but by the state of my mind.  I want to be able to operate through Life with a calm. clear and peaceful mind.   If I had to manifest anything that is what I would manifest.  At the same time this process of developing or "retraining" "my" mind to be calm, clear and peaceful  is a process I thoroughly enjoy so I am not asking for a big "Poof!...Your mind is healed" kind of thing from the Universe, either. 

But I do want to trust  the Universe! I want to trust that regardless of how challenging my Life circumstances may "seem'...(again the degree of challenge I experience is simply a result of the state of my mind)....that it is benefiting me at some level I may not understand  and/or the world in some way.  That it is doing some good.  I could probably suffer through anything if I "knew" that any challenging thing I went through was serving a higher purpose.  Knowing that is trusting,  right? 

So that is what I "intend" , pray for, want to manifest: peace of mind and the ability to trust the Universe/ Life absolutely. ( which would bring more peace, wouldn't it?) 

Challenging the Universe to Prove that it  can be trusted. 

But  in my practicing and learning to trust, I may experiment with superficial things that the personality wants.  ( and yes the personality wants these things...big time!...even if the higher part of me knows they are not needed) I might say..."I want to trust you Universe...give me a sign!  If you want me to continue writing in a certain genre, give me a publication in that genre."   Now when I get that publication, I don't instantly trust.  It is still a struggle...I have years and years of doubt to get through. I might say, "Well maybe I need more than one publication to prove that."  

I may also experiment with things like money.  "I want 10,000 dollars by the end of such and such a time, in order to know you have my back."  If I don't get the money I will hear myself  saying, "See! The Universe doesn't have my back or I am not worthy enough!" Now I may get the 10,000 dollars, like I did once  a couple of months after my chosen time...and my doubt tendency may say to me, "Well it didn't come when you said, so that is not a sign."  Or maybe the "thing" I ask for comes in another form and in a way I was not expecting it  to and I  totally by pass it.   It gets tricky.  even clear signs  do not always dispel the doubt or foster trust.  even when some of these signs are pretty clear.    Then I kind of feel I am getting off my true path by "playing with this manifesting possibility" and for "testing and challenging the Universe"  when I know none of these things are truly important. Its fun but these games will not bring me to my true goal of peace. 

So now what I am trying to do,  (if "try" is  something we can apply to the process of  trusting...it should be more of a falling into and a letting go, right?)   Anyway...what I do now is simply pray: "Please help me to trust that which I cannot see, so that I can find peace in my present situations, regardless of how they appear,  knowing that they are taking me and others to a higher place.  Let me surrender to the "Thy Will be done!" mantra. 

I did let go and surrender before in my desire to trust the Universe. ...in my desire to be taken to a higher place.  It certainly didn't result in abundance for the personality, but now that I think about it,  it did help me to trust more. 

This is what I wrote at that time: 

Ego Hisses

whispers from that place of secrets
become screams in my ears
twisting, turning messages that
express the truth I fear
I suddenly decide to listen
to stop, head stilled to the side
while I decipher all the wisdom
and put away my pride

ego hisses at me with its
desperate pleading cries
to ignore the truths I’m offered
calling them foolish, new age lies
it warns me of the darkness
the desolation I will face
if I go forward with these directions
and leave this warm, familiar place

yet I find myself moving onward
pushing ego’s carcass to the floor
and taking slow, hesitant steps
I move through the open door

I don’t know what I will be facing

what is on the other side
but I know the door has been opened
and it is open very wide.

Dale- Lyn, Nov 2013

Working On it. All is well! 

Release your specifications and say to the Universe, "Find me where you know I need to be." Let them go and trust that the Universe will provide, and so it shall. Let go of all.  Let your higher Self complete its task. 

Gary Zukav (198/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

"Can I help you?"

 

Even if you only help one person, and even if that one person is yourself, then what you are doing is worth it.

Unknown

Readers are down again, according to statistics and Google analytics.  Well they were always down according to Google analytics...but now I see numbers are ranging below ten a day on my site.  That could simply mean that the Blogger site has reinforced its defensive walls and only the true and loyal readers are now getting through.  That, of course, would also mean  there has always been only a handful of true and loyal readers from the beginning. Thank you good and loyal readers. :) 

Google Analytics tells me ...  that I am not attracting or keeping new readers. It seems that very few are  interested in what I have to say or how I say it.  Most, besides the few readers who find exactly what they were looking for here,  pop in to my obscure and hard to find little shop in the middle of nowhere only becasue they stumbled upon it accidentally on their way to somewhere else or were  directed here by a  little hand painted sign,  with its aging letters fading,  stapled to some post on a back country road. 

Curiously,  readers  open the door.    The bell rings, they step in over the threshold  but before I have a chance to say, "Can I help you?", most visitors just shrug their shoulders, and walk away.  I assume that they are instantly  hit with the musty smell  of "old" as they look around to see surrounding them so many chipped and worn out things in the form of thoughts and ideas that make them feel uncomfortable. They might  choke on the dust or be overwhelmed by the clutter. My eclectic collection is not fresh, and new and modern.  It doesn't distract, it reminds.  It doesn't numb, it  brings up memories and feelings that  they have spent their life times trying to forget.  

My shop is not for everyone.  Only a few will enter, seeking exactly what they are hoping I offer here.  Some will find it, more won't. 

Hmmm!  Should I turn off the lights, flick the switch on the door, and put a "Closed" or "Out of Business" sign in the window?  Without customers, a shop is really not a worthwhile business venture , is it?  Yet, my idea of success differs from that of  other people. 

 I know  if that bell keeps ringing there is hope, isn't there, that at least one person will find what they are looking for?  And if one person finds a little something here that makes their life more bearable, more meaningful in some small little way...then I will consider my shop a success. Besides, I like being here, surrounded by words, old, old thoughts and ideas.  I learn something new everyday.  And that  Light  that streams  in from the front window is perfect, warming me, inspiring me and encouraging me ( whoever this "me" is) to go on. Whatever this shop offers is healing.   For that reason, I will leave the "Come in, We are open" sign in the window and I will continue to ask, "Can I help you?" whenever someone walks in through the door. 

All is well. 

Another Poem in Progress

In Active Labour with One of Three Poems 

 I felt a poem wanting to come through today as I was listening to the wise speaking about letting go.  Something Thich Nhat Hanh said, in particular, led to some labor pains.  I also have a poem that wanted to come out a week ago that is still waiting to be delivered.  And as I was taking the dogs for a walk today I felt  another one rumbling inside me ... something to do with how suddenly it was May.  Three poems waiting to come out. I figured it was time to get at least one of those babies on paper. So I sat down when I got home and scribbled on a piece of paper several things that popped up until this came out of the birthing room. Don't judge my baby, k?

Work in Progress

Where is April? 

May just seemed to appear, 

out of nowhere. 

She is  suddenly here beside me 

smiling in the  bright and sunny

way she does. 

Wrapped in colorful ribbons  

with their long tails floating behind her,

she playfully skips every second step.

Her unexpected appearance 

surprises me and 

my winter-weary body

finds it hard to keep up. 

My dogs, excited by the scent of her,

strain at their leashes to embrace 

all that she is.

.  

She is certainly embraceable.

Still,

I was not expecting May's company so soon.

It leaves me a little unsettled

Only yesterday, it seemed,

 I walked with 

an exhausted April down this very same trail. 

I slowed my step

when she  gasped for  breath 

between the late lashings 

of  snow and sleet and ice she was receiving.

 I turned my eyes away ,

blushing in embarrassment 

when  the  frustrated maternal sky, 

dark and heavy with disappointment

stood over her forth child , hands on hips

disciplining much too loudly. 

I listened, though I didn't want to, 

while Sky coached  her daughter , not so gently,

to give back that which she had stolen

from the invisible world around us.

And April,

insisting, to no avail, 

that she was innocent and wrongfully accused, 

not knowing what else to do, I suppose,

just hung her heavy head and cried. 

She cried and cried and cried. 

Only yesterday, it seemed,

I was in the company of a weeping April.

Assuming she would appreciate 

my silent nonjudgmental company,

I was quiet as we walked together,

my eyes down cast 

focusing on her heavy step

and  her fists curled up into tight little balls

as  tears brought on by her mother's grey wrath

made deep puddles around our feet.. 

Only yesterday, it seemed,

I walked with April

but today  she and the dirty  patches of snow

she clung to for penance

and the puddles of tears

I've become so used to,

are no where to be seen . 

She has disappeared

without so much as a goodbye.

Yesterday, I walked with April

and today, I walk with May. 

 I look into the  youthful  face

of my new companion, 

so different than her sister's, 

flushed with sunshine, 

eyes shining with nature's approval

as beams of golden accolades 

from a blue and spacious mother

drop upon her,

touching all with that

which April never knew.

Though I find myself 

smiling at May's company,

laughing at her silly antics,

warmed by her happy and joyful disposition  

I miss the sensitive company

of her older sister.

Maybe because 

 I can empathize with April  more. 

Besides, I have been made privy to April's  secret, 

to the truth she withheld from her mother. 

I caught  a glimpse 

when her grip loosened

of that which was  hidden in

her once tight little fists ...

 Green and hopeful,

magical and precious...

I seen the gems shining through

the cracks in  her tired fingers. 

Her mother was right...

She had stolen from the ethereal  space around us.

She  had taken wisps of Life from the air...

when no one was looking 

and squeezed her fists around it, 

hiding it, protecting it, 

saving it for her little sister's glory.

And now, unseen and ethereal too,

she  gives it back to all. 

I see her opened palms 

on the tips of hardwood branches,

the helmets  of crocuses, daffodils  and tulips 

pushing their way through the  frozen earth, 

and in the tufts of grass where the puddles were. 

I see her little hands  opening everywhere,

releasing the magic of her stolen gift 

into a yawning world

and

I know she has not left us.  

 May is here now, 

laughing and skipping beside me,

receiving her mother's golden approval,

only  because of her big sister's  selfless  sacrifice.

April  has not left us.  

She is everywhere. 

© Dale-Lyn, May, 2022

 Man, it always blows me away how "soulful" poetry is, how it opens up to the depth of who we are.  After I wrote this poem, as imperfect as it may be, I became aware of a deeper meaning to it.  I seen my late sister as April and the rest of us younger sister (4) as growing and glowing because of her.  Wow!  I had no idea I was thinking of her but there she ws.  Like April, she is still everywhere. 

All is well. 

Forgiveness and Love in a Dancing Heart

 The heart that dances is the innocent heart. The one that cannot laugh is burdened. It is the dancing heart that is harmless. 

Gary Zukav

Besides clarity and humility, the other two characteristics of an awakening human being (what Zukav refers to as the "multi-sensory personality") are the ability to forgive and the ability to Love. 

Forgiveness is not a moral issue.  It is an energy dynamic. ...forgiveness means you do not carry the baggage of an experience. ...you do not hold others responsible for your experience....When you forgive you release critical judgment of yourself and others. You lighten up.

An authentically empowered person lives in love. Love is the energy of the soul.  Love is what heals  the personality.  There is nothing that cannot be healed by love.  There is nothing but love. 

Love does more than bring peace where there is conflict.  It brings a different way of being in the world. It brings harmony and an active interest in the well-being of others.  It brings concern and care.  It brings Light. It washes away the concerns of the personality.  In the Light of love there is only love. 

From Chapter 15, Power

Gary Zukav ( 1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

Letting Go of Our Cows

 There is great joy in having nothing to lose.

Thich Naht Hanh

Letting Go seemed to be the main topic  that I grasped today in my listening to the words of others much wiser than this thing I call  "me'.  I listened to the same four I listened to yesterday in  different videos at least address this idea : Alan Watts, Eckhart Tolle, Thich Nhat Hanh and The Mindful Movement. 

Watts talked about the need to release this entire idea of "self" and by doing so we  give up this strange notion and effort of transforming ourselves. He said attempting to transform ourselves is like trying to lift ourselves up into the air by pulling on our own boot straps. Requiring so much effort getting us nowhere. If we would only let go of all this wasted effort, these false ideas we have of self and what self needs to do and just instead...stop and watch...watch it, watch nature , just watch what is happening in us and around us without judging, labeling, making distinctions about what is "bad, wrong, shouldn't be" ...our nature will begin to take care of itself.  Why?  Because when we let go, we simply get out of the way of a very natural and effortless flow. 

Eckhart Tolle spoke of the idea of letting go of the need for  will and effort in order to reach a higher level of being.  He spoke of the need for "relaxed alertness" and "gentle surrender" instead of trying to "force" ourselves into the present moment....which is an oxymoron in itself. This reminded me, as I was listening, of the Taoist philosophy of "effortless action", of flowing like water".  

Then as I was meditating to another guided meditation from The Mindful Movement , that came up for my consideration, I was encouraged to let go of the things within me that no longer serve: my negativity, this knot of restlessness and worry in my core, my past etc. 

Finally, listening to Thich Nhat Hanh, I was reminded of the importance of "releasing our cows", of letting go of our attachments, to those things we erroneously believe are necessary for our happiness.  We need to see that they are in fact obstacles to our peace and joy. One of the biggest cows we have to release and let go of is the  idea of happiness we hold onto based on the "if only " and the "when" of obtaining and clinging to  certain things or circumstances.  If only  I could get that publication, then I will be happy" or " I will only be happy if I can hang onto this level of success and  financial stability. "  "I will be happy when I find my soul mate...."When I can find a way to make my soul mate stay and never want to leave, then I will be happy. " 

A few entries ago I wrote about the cows I lost and the cows I am still clinging to.  There was a time in my life, where getting a clear and other-acceptable  medical diagnosis for my condition and therefore the treatment and support needed was a cow I desperately chased after. Man, was it a cow that didn't want to get caught lol.  I chased it and chased it and chased it from one pasture to another.  It was always so close...I could see it but it was never meant to be caught.  It was never mine to own, I guess.

I probably would have left that cow alone a lot sooner if it wasn't  for the fact that it was a lead cow.  All the  cows I seemed to have  in my life wanted to follow it.  The cows I clung to and thought I needed to stay happy and well:  a certain financial security, a level of health and fitness I cherished, a recognized and reputed social role,  a sense of purpose, the things this brought my children and self, a certain dignity and independence...just seemed to take off after this other cow I could never catch.  Before long I was like the farmer lost and desperately seeking cows I thought were mine. It took me a long time to realize that I was much better off without these cows...that they were actually obstacles in my Life preventing me from seeing what was beyond them.  When I released them and let them go...I felt tremendous peace and freedom.  It wasn't so much the cows themselves that were the problem, I realized.  It was my attachment to them...this idea I had that I needed them to be happy.  My spiritual growth sky rocketed  upon that realization.Hmm! 

There is truly joy in having nothing to lose. 

Anyway, letting go of our clinging, striving, our ideas of "me", all that which does not serve the greater Self and therefore the greater good, is a necessary thing for our growth and liberation. Gently surrendering to "what is" is always the best option.

All is well.

Eckhart Tolle (April 28, 2022 ) Does Will power Play a Part in Awakening. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mUocelSg7s

Thich Nhat Hanh/Awakened Nature (August, 2016) Thich Nhat Hanh Teaches About Letting Go https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJCdkNXYOa0

Alan Watts/ Motivation Core (Jan, 2022) Alan Watt's Eye Opening Speech-Unexpected Truth.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rfe7LUmqhcI

The Mindful Movement (September, 2016) 20 Minute Guided Meditation Letting Go of Negativity to  Unlock Your Full potential https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfsaEX9RX60

A Time For Everything

 A Time for Everything

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

• a time to be born and a time to die
• a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted
• a time to kill [?], and a time to heal
• a time to break down, and a time to build up
• a time to weep, and a time to laugh
• a time to mourn and a time to dance
• a time to cast away stones, and a time to cast stones together
• a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing
• a time to seek, and a time to lose
• a time to keep, and a time to cast away
• a time to tear, and a time to sew
• a time to keep silence, and a time to speak
• a time to love, and a time to hate [?]
• a time for war[?], and a time for peace. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 ESV  

(My inserted question marks may be  indications that I am still resisting through judgement the 

selected parts of the  flow of Life...or maybe it is an indication that I am just resisting man's BCE belief in the flow of human life based on the culture at that time??? )

Anyway...beautiful just the same. 

Note: was reminded of this passage today by Michael Singer in his podcast, Looking Into the Lake of Life. 

It clicked with :

It [clarity] is the perception in each moment that everything is designed for wholeness and perfection, and every aspect serves ultimately a beautiful learning. An authentically empowered personality...sees perfection in the smallest details everywhere.  Wherever it looks, it sees the hand of God. (Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul)

All is well! 

Clarity

Clarity is the perception of wisdom.  It is seeing with wisdom. It is being able to see and understand the illusion, and to let it play.

Gary Zukav

There has been so much learning today, from the last few pages of Zukav's The Seat of the Soul, from a Michael Singer Podcast , Looking into the Lake of Life which automatically reminded me of a poem I wrote a few years ago (see below), a guided meditation I listened to to from The Mindful Movement, Trust the Journey, and from my own meditation while gems of wisdom from the Yoga Vasisthas were recited in the background(Deepak Chopra). All of it connected in some strange serendipitous way bringing "my" little mind to this one thought about clarity.

Clarity is about being able to see beyond the illusion.

What illusion?

The outer world is there.  There are objects out there, just as the water on the Lake is out there but what we "see" is an illusion.  We do not see the water on the Lake of Life, we only see our reflection.  Like Narcissus, we are so absorbed with our reflection, so addicted to this idea of "little me" we cannot see that world our reflection is projected on. Until we are "enlightened", free of the illusion, everything we look upon will be contaminated by our perceptions, judgement, and expectations. As long as we are mesmerized by the illusion we will do whatever we can to prevent others and ourselves from disturbing it. We will be separated from Life by our fear.

What we are doing is attaching our personal and unreal meaning to that which is impersonal and real.  We don't know Life...we don't truly experience it when we are afraid to go beyond the surface reflection, that is merely an illusion we have of ourselves, and into the depths of the Lake, to the reality of Life. We cannot truly experience what it is to be alive in this moment  when we are afraid of disturbing that idea we have of "self". 

When we see wisely, we have clarity and with clarity we see how our reflection is in the way.  We can  see it as an illusion and are not afraid to go beyond it to the reality of Life. 

In the very imperfect poem below, I attempted to show just how futile it is to desperately attempt to cling to this notion we have of "little me", this reflective illusion. Clarity will guide us to freedom. 

 The Ego's Reflection

Like Narcissus did so curiously, many centuries ago
I look about for who I am.  I simply do not know.
When I glance into the water I am surprised by what I see;
there I find a shiny reflection staring smugly back at me.

"This must be who I am," I utter as I reach in to pick "me" up
but  alas this watery  image, with my hands, I just can't seem to cup.
It slips through my fingers no matter how tightly I hold on.
It drips, slithers  and  trickles away. What am I doing wrong?

Fear then overcomes me. This precious image I do not want to  lose.
So I seek and grasp  at any  form around me that  I can somehow use
to help me retrieve my perfect self from the surface of this lake;
to gather it up  in its shiny  form within me,  to end a desperate  ache.

But no matter what I grab or try to cling to, like the water, it slips through
the space between my fingers and disappears from earthly view.
I can not understand it as my  confusion and  frustration grows
I cry out questions to the Echo, to Nemesis and to anyone that knows.

"Why is it so challenging to hold onto a dense  object made of matter?
And why does this lovely image I look upon break apart and splatter
whenever I dip my fingers beneath the surface the gawking world sees?"
Then I hear the silent  answer from within me and I fall down upon  my knees.
 
What I look upon so longingly, will never be more than a  mere  reflection
always lacking in the depth of being , in sweet stillness and divine perfection.
I am not just a shadow rippling on the surface of this pool of collected rain
I am the Seer, not the seen.  I am the  creator, not the  goddess of the vain.

White and gold petals soon surround the image  marking its glorious rebirth
and the roots of understanding ground the Self I am more deeply into earth. 
Who I am cannot be reflected back for anyone to name, or know or see
and it is with  this eternal knowing that the Observer is finally set free.
 

©Dale-Lyn Feb 2020

All is well!

Deepak Chopra &Adam Plack( n.d.) The Secret of Healing: Meditations for Transformation. Spotify 

Michael Singer/ Sounds True ( April 30, 2022) Michael Singer podcast: Looking Into the Lake of Life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6G1zvgJvm7Y

The Mindful Movement ( December 23, 2017)) Mindfulness Meditation:  Trust the Journey: Guided Meditation 

Gary Zukav (1989/2014) The Seat of the Soul. New York: Simon and Schuster

 He prayeth well, who loveth well

Both man and bird and beast.

He prayeth best, who loveth best

All things both great and small;

For the dear God who loveth us,

He made and loveth all.

From: The Rime of the Ancient Mainer, Samuel Taylor Coleridge (Sam)

This is the lesson learned and shared by the only surviving crew member of a ship that was pulled from England to the South Pole , then to the Pacific ocean and then mysteriously back home in this very long epic and classic poem.  This ancient Mariner  is now left to tell the gruesome ghostly tale of Life on that boat...a karmic debt created by his using a cross bow to kill an albatross who had befriended the crew, gave them hope and was seen as a good luck charm. This resulted in instant Karma, though I am not sure "Karma" would have been a word Coleridge would have used. :)  The crew member had to watch all his crew starve, thirst ( thus the line "Water, water everywhere") and perish only to return to life in a ghostly way while he craved for a death that never came.  His karmic debt now requires him to tell the haunting  story to someone every night in order to avoid being haunted by that memory  throughout the day of what he had done and what had followed. The  teaching he wants and needs to leave behind to those he selects to tell it to,  is that it is important to love all of God's creatures. It is so important , To do no harm!

Hmm! Felt compelled to put that here for some reason.

All is well! . 

Home is where the heart is

He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his  home.

Johann Wolfgang Van Goethe

I am going to ask you a question and it may seem that the answer to that question is going to be a "no-brainer". But really think about it.  

If you had a choice of living in an eloquent mansion, with everything your body needs or wants a reach away,  and being very, very unhappy or  living in  a cardboard box, never knowing where your next meal is coming from, and being very, very happy...what would you choose? 

I asked D. that question today and he had to think.  He was really leaning towards the mansion, reciting all kinds of reasons about how external circumstances make   the cardboard box a terrible choice.  I reminded him that he was blissfully happy while in the box and terribly, terribly unhappy while in the mansion. He has yet to give me an answer. 

What does this question really ask? 

It asks how much do you still believe that our circumstances determine our happiness and inner wellness? It asks, after all our learning, which path do you believe is the way to go : the horizontal or the vertical? It asks you to think about what needs are driving you at the present moment: the artificial needs of the personality or the authentic needs of the soul? It asks you to determine what it is you value most: outer or inner, body/ mind or soul, external comfort or internal peace.  It asks you to consider how much do you trust Life to provide what is really important? 

Hmm! 

I now know what I would choose.  I  know where inner wellness and happiness come from.  I know what path will take me farther in the long run. I know what needs I want to have driving me, even if at this part of my journey,  I may slip quite a bit. I know what I value most.  I am also wanting so very much to trust Life. 

Though I have never lived in either a mansion or a cardboard box, I have a tiny bit of life experience in the form of such decisions.   I have trusted Life before in some of my decision making and it was oh so scary to let go of certain things I thought I valued and needed. But I did! Did I manifest a life of  instant happiness, freedom, and enlightenment out of that choice?...no. 
Did I get aptly rewarded with comfort, ease and material abundance  for my oh so evolved decision ...definitely not. Did I encounter some suffering on the horizontal plane after that decision.  Big time!   Would I make the same choice again?  Yeah! I am confidant it was the best decision for me at the highest level. It was a huge step towards my "true" direction in Life. 

Now most of us will never have to choose between a mansion or a cardboard box, Thank God.  Most of will find ourselves living somewhere between those two points.  The question is then, regardless of your housing situation, regardless of your external circumstances...are you as happy and as well as you are meant to be?  Regardless of external environments  can you  find and fully experience the peace that is already right here and right now? 

Are you home? 

If not...maybe you need to have a good long look, not at the walls that surround you, but the walls you have built in your mind. Maybe, you like so, so many of us have to learn to let go and to trust Life a little more. Maybe, we all need to close our eyes and fall back into the circumstances Life  knows will take us to where we really want to be, that will nourish our souls even if it challenges our bodies and minds. . Who knows, maybe a few months in a cardboard box is exactly what our soul needs and wants in order to accomplish what it is here to do.  

Well that is something to at least think about, isn't it? 

All is well in my world.