Sadness is my sickness; sickness is my sadness.
Sr. Dang Nghiem
The Poetry Mission
I have a few new mini- missions. My first is to do something with all these words that keep coming out of me. On top of the novel I painfully went back to, and the new one I am writing...get this...in poetic verse ( who the he## does that?)... I am getting my poetry into some kind of organized collections. Whether it gets published or not I have to do something with all these poems...hundreds of them. They are like my photos, just collecting in disorganized chaos on this computer. I just don't know what to do with these things. I really don't.
Submitting Poetry. Yuck!
Sometimes, I think an ego that wants to be recognized would benefit me some...it would help me to get these things out of the computer closet and into the world because Self tells me that is where they belong, in all their imperfection. But the submission process makes me want to vomit! I am so adverse to it...and not because I fear rejection. I am well used to that. It is just so time consuming. The process is something I would judge ( I know I am succumbing to duality) as completely sucky....so I tend to avoid it. :)
The poetry is also different than the other stuff I write. At least with the others, I have received some semi-validation that I can write in those genres...but with the poetry...the most exposing of all mediums...I haven't got a clue what other people think. And I really don't care.
When we submit...we have to care. It is like I have to plea with a potential publisher, "Oh please like me," because my poems are me. I am completely exposed in them. When I submit poetry , I feel like I am standing naked in front of all the Simon Cowels of the world after I just poured my soul out. (If you heard me sing...you would know why I feel so much at risk of never getting a Golden ticket). It is not that I care anymore about what they think of me or my poems. It is just that , if Self tells me they gotta be out there, I know they have to get past them first.
So it is like I am standing there with my arms up asking, "Well? Do you like me or not? I'm 56, I don't have a lot of time to waste here. Don't waste my time telling me I need lessons or a few reconstructive surgeries before I come back next season. Not going to happen! I got to get these out to the world for some bloody reason I will never completely understand...Just judge me quickly so I can move on to the Voice or America's Got Talent or something before it is too late, k? Hurry, hurry!"
Hurry!Hurry! equates to months of waiting.
Anyway, I did submit to a contest. Created two chap books with a small portion of my poetry and I sent them out. I will not hear back until August. I am quite sure there will not be a Golden ticket attached to the message I get back...and that is okay. I broke through that mental barrier I have towards submitting and they are out there. I will keep organizing and compiling chap books and hopefully I will keep up with the momentum of sending them out. Self...just asks that we try right? The rest is up to the universe.
Anyway...Mission Two: Trauma Release and Body Awareness
I am trying to reconnect with body and help others reconnect with their bodies which is teh basis of yoga I suppose. I know I have trauma trapped in my body and I want to use mindful yoga to release those knots. I then want to help others release their knots. I cannot do that, however, until I assume the correct posture.
It all begins with posture
I have been noticing surprisingly , as I look at some of the yoga videos I put on my page, that I have fallen out of the correct postural alignment. I was so embarrassed when I realized this because I felt like a hypocrite as a yoga teacher.
I slipped right into old postural habits I developed years ago when I had to give up my active life style for a more sedentary one. This period of isolation has led me once again to spend hours in front of the computer and on the couch and much less time in the studio. The body compensated in its attempt to accommodate and preserve.
It does not take long for the body to accommodate the mind, and for a new wiring and "normal" to take over. Some muscles will shorten and tighten because of the new posture, other antagonistic muscles will over stretch and weaken. Then the body, in its wisdom and desire to keep us balanced and stable on our mission through life...will accommodate for the weakening by shortening and tightening muscles elsewhere...which will lead to a weakening and overstretching of that muscle group's antagonistic muscles...and so on and so on and so on.
If we are not mindful of our body...we won't even notice what is going on until we start to notice a decreased range of motion, chronic pain, or injury. Now the body works as a unit, right? All muscles are interdependent. So a chronic pain in the bottom of the foot can actually be due to improper posturing of the cervical spine. A knee injury can be a result of rounded shoulders. Get that?
Posture is important! Good posture, like all healing, starts with mindfulness.
Three Common and Unhealthy Postural Changes
There are three obvious postural changes that can occur when we spend excessive amounts of time sitting in front of a computer or TV. They are : Tech neck, a forward roll of the shoulders and a pelvic tilt which can be anterior or posterior.
When I seen myself in one video, I was shocked to see all so clearly. I noticed during an upward sweep I could not bring my upper arms back to my ears. I noticed my chin jutting out explaining why I was having some discomfort in the back of my head and this constant clenching of the jaw. I noticed an overextension of the thoracic spine and a rolling of my shoulders thus explaining why I was getting shoulder and neck pain again...for the first time in years. And I noticed the pelvis in an anterior tilt sometimes and a posterior tilt other times. I was going back and forth between the both because I have a hypermobile lower spine. This was playing havoc on my knees when I stood and on my balance as a whole.
It is like wow! That happened fast. So here I am wanting to release the body of its trauma and I am creating more tension instead. Before I can do the body work and teach the body work for healing trauma to others, I will need to re-establish balance and stability in my posture.
So that is what I will be doing on my yoga page: helping myself and others correct these postural habits. And...the good news is... it is very correctable!
Four Ways to Re-establish Balance in the Mind
And to heal from trauma we also have to re-establish balance in our minds. We can develop very unhealthy habits that leave the mind straining and paining. Just like the body, the mind really does have our best interest at heart and when we are facing trauma...it does what it can to protect us. We tend to have many defense mechanisms that at the time are very helpful and necessary. Unfortunately, like improper body posture, they can become habits that no longer serve us and lead to more injury.
In a lovely dharma talk Beginning Anew, Sr. Dang Nghiem speaks to these four ways of realigning ourselves.
In Step One we begin by making it a daily practice to say thank you...to self. Recognize what the body and mind are doing to help us. See the Fight and Flight response that we may or may not be trapped in, as beneficial and necessary thing for our survival. It is there for a reason and it has helped us in teh past. Sure, we may develop an addiction to it...but that is okay too. Just recognize it as we move into different mental postures.
Sure you may have rolling shoulders like I do, leaving your knuckles dragging on the floor ( ;) ) but know that was the body's attempt to accommodate your needs. It can be corrected. So say thank you to body, mind and Self.
Step Two involves expressing regrets. Say sorry to yourself at least as often as you say it to others. We are much more cruel to our bodies and mind than we are to others. Say sorry to your body when you realize that something you did caused it to experience pain. Don't beat yourself up...apologize. Notice how often you criticise yourself and apologize to you for doing that. You as a body , mind and Self deserve your apologies more than anyone else does!
Step Three asks that we express the hurt. We so often supress and repress our strong feelings because we do not ant to deal with them. That is how trauma gets trapped in the body in the first place. We need to learn to express our pain. Best done if we can confront the individuals or circumstances we feel have "hurt" us in a kind and compassionate way. But if we cannot do that express those feelings to yourself. Sit with them, recognize them, allow them, embrace them and look deeply into them. I use the wonderful expression of written word to help me deal with painful emotions. I rather them on the page than in my muscles and cells.
Finally, Step Four is about making resolutions. determine what you can do to correct these habits you have had that no longer serve you. Just like we correct our unhealthy postural habits we correct our unhealthy mental habits.
So I have some missions that involve correcting habits of body and mind. Bear with me.
It is all good.
Plum Village (Jan 2020) Beginning Anew/ Holiday Retreat Dharma Talk/ Sr Dang Nghiem 2019 12 30 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5b6I5aAU3as
Monday, May 18, 2020
Saturday, May 16, 2020
Time: A Lethal Virus
I do not fear death. I have been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
Mark Twain ( https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/25647-i-do-not-fear-death-i-had-been-dead-for)
Lethal Infection
We are all infected with a lethal virus
that will lead to our demise
and not one of us is immune to this
despite how ego tries
to convince us if we work hard
and if we really try
we can put aside the truth
that everything will die.
We take our antivirals and drink up
all the elixirs the world supplies
and we swallow so hopefully,
believing ego's lies.
We tuck away our ceremonial skulls
in the drawers of our mind
and as processions pass outside our windows
we quickly draw the blinds.
We drop our eyes and walk away from forms
burning on the funeral pyres
and we allow our denial and pretending
to extinguish all the fires.
We cringe as the mirror ungraciously reflects
every desperate crease and line,
that the years have placed upon our skin
as just another sign
that like the aged and the feeble
our own bodies will decay.
So we cover up each wrinkle and
hide all beings who reflect the truth away.
We can't ignore the clocks upon the wall
that sing out with their ticking hands
that our moments are diminishing,
that there's no escaping time's demands.
Like all of nature's produce
our bodies will wither, brown and die
making room for new life beneath us
to emerge from the plot in which we lie.
Death is a natural sign of impermanence
that all nature must endure
so don't listen to the ego when it professes,
through denial, we can cure.
Just accept that this heavy form we inhabit
like an outfit made of time
must be removed when the span is over,
when Life has reached her prime.
Take a breath and breathe it in,
the reality of what you are:
you are human; you are earth;
you are comet; you are star
and beneath the form that exhales
the last precious dying breath
is a something or a no-thing
that will outlive this thought of death.
Dale-Lyn (May 2020)
This is getting a bit ridiculous lol. ...especially with the rhyming! Anyway...was listening to Eckhart Tolle talk about time as a lethal virus (see link below) and this is what popped out. Go figure.
I know that "poets" and those who critique poetry will probably look at this as anything but poetry. I myself do not know what to call it...it just comes out!
All is well
Eckhart Tolle (May 2, 2020) Finding Death Before Death Finds You. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfGjm2lHqpQ
Mark Twain ( https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/25647-i-do-not-fear-death-i-had-been-dead-for)
Lethal Infection
We are all infected with a lethal virus
that will lead to our demise
and not one of us is immune to this
despite how ego tries
to convince us if we work hard
and if we really try
we can put aside the truth
that everything will die.
We take our antivirals and drink up
all the elixirs the world supplies
and we swallow so hopefully,
believing ego's lies.
We tuck away our ceremonial skulls
in the drawers of our mind
and as processions pass outside our windows
we quickly draw the blinds.
We drop our eyes and walk away from forms
burning on the funeral pyres
and we allow our denial and pretending
to extinguish all the fires.
We cringe as the mirror ungraciously reflects
every desperate crease and line,
that the years have placed upon our skin
as just another sign
that like the aged and the feeble
our own bodies will decay.
So we cover up each wrinkle and
hide all beings who reflect the truth away.
We can't ignore the clocks upon the wall
that sing out with their ticking hands
that our moments are diminishing,
that there's no escaping time's demands.
Like all of nature's produce
our bodies will wither, brown and die
making room for new life beneath us
to emerge from the plot in which we lie.
Death is a natural sign of impermanence
that all nature must endure
so don't listen to the ego when it professes,
through denial, we can cure.
Just accept that this heavy form we inhabit
like an outfit made of time
must be removed when the span is over,
when Life has reached her prime.
Take a breath and breathe it in,
the reality of what you are:
you are human; you are earth;
you are comet; you are star
and beneath the form that exhales
the last precious dying breath
is a something or a no-thing
that will outlive this thought of death.
Dale-Lyn (May 2020)
This is getting a bit ridiculous lol. ...especially with the rhyming! Anyway...was listening to Eckhart Tolle talk about time as a lethal virus (see link below) and this is what popped out. Go figure.
I know that "poets" and those who critique poetry will probably look at this as anything but poetry. I myself do not know what to call it...it just comes out!
All is well
Eckhart Tolle (May 2, 2020) Finding Death Before Death Finds You. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfGjm2lHqpQ
Friday, May 15, 2020
The Wings of Samatha and Vipasyana
Wings
Oh beautiful bird with expanded wing,
carry me away,
to the kingdom my Self longs for,
a place where I can stay.
I put away my running shoes,
my need to hide, to grasp, to seek
and close my eyes and wait for you
to clasp me in your beak.
Lift me up with gentle ease,
and save me from my fear.
Take me to that special place
that exists nowhere but here.
Place me on the graceful wing
where time is hushed and stilled
and where mind and body stop to breathe
as nature surely wills.
Upon your feathery pinion,
I will stretch out in passive form
giving up my struggles and my fight
to resist each passing storm.
I will surrender graciously,
as we glide through spacious sky,
and I will notice how blue it is
while the grey clouds pass us by.
I will have faith in you my friend
to shelter and protect,
as I let go into the sureness of your strength,
my view you will correct.
As you hold me on your wing,
and we skillfully swoop and glide,
I will know that where you're taking me
is nowhere but inside.
And as I breathe in each precious breath,
I will observe each internal knot release
from the twisted pain of wounded cells
to settle into peace.
Then when there is no longer in me
a place for fear and grief to hide,
I will crawl so gratefully over you
to the wing on the other side.
There, I will lie and look about;
the wonders of the world, I will see
and understand so perfectly
the way it was and the way it's meant to be.
And without a noise of flapping wing,
you will gently set me down
in the home of Self where I never left
and where I always can be found.
Dale-Lyn May 2020
Okay...this came out of me...somewhat painfully because it came out rhyming. ( A bit like a cat coughing up a fur ball...I suppose...has to come out but it isn't always pleasant to watch lol) It ...whatever it is...good or bad, right or wrong...nice or crappy...it is out. My work here is done.
Where did t come from? I listened to a dharma talk from Nhat Thich Hanh today on the "wings" of samatha (stopping) and vipassana (looking deeply). This is a result of that.
It is what it is.
All good
Plum Village (August 2018) Surrender Yourself to the Present Moment/Dharma Talk by Thich Nhat Hanh 2004-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N93IvR45D80
Oh beautiful bird with expanded wing,
carry me away,
to the kingdom my Self longs for,
a place where I can stay.
I put away my running shoes,
my need to hide, to grasp, to seek
and close my eyes and wait for you
to clasp me in your beak.
Lift me up with gentle ease,
and save me from my fear.
Take me to that special place
that exists nowhere but here.
Place me on the graceful wing
where time is hushed and stilled
and where mind and body stop to breathe
as nature surely wills.
Upon your feathery pinion,
I will stretch out in passive form
giving up my struggles and my fight
to resist each passing storm.
I will surrender graciously,
as we glide through spacious sky,
and I will notice how blue it is
while the grey clouds pass us by.
I will have faith in you my friend
to shelter and protect,
as I let go into the sureness of your strength,
my view you will correct.
As you hold me on your wing,
and we skillfully swoop and glide,
I will know that where you're taking me
is nowhere but inside.
And as I breathe in each precious breath,
I will observe each internal knot release
from the twisted pain of wounded cells
to settle into peace.
Then when there is no longer in me
a place for fear and grief to hide,
I will crawl so gratefully over you
to the wing on the other side.
There, I will lie and look about;
the wonders of the world, I will see
and understand so perfectly
the way it was and the way it's meant to be.
And without a noise of flapping wing,
you will gently set me down
in the home of Self where I never left
and where I always can be found.
Dale-Lyn May 2020
Okay...this came out of me...somewhat painfully because it came out rhyming. ( A bit like a cat coughing up a fur ball...I suppose...has to come out but it isn't always pleasant to watch lol) It ...whatever it is...good or bad, right or wrong...nice or crappy...it is out. My work here is done.
Where did t come from? I listened to a dharma talk from Nhat Thich Hanh today on the "wings" of samatha (stopping) and vipassana (looking deeply). This is a result of that.
It is what it is.
All good
Plum Village (August 2018) Surrender Yourself to the Present Moment/Dharma Talk by Thich Nhat Hanh 2004-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N93IvR45D80
Thursday, May 14, 2020
Motivated by Self or Ego?
There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
From Dharma Talk linked below
Who is Riding the Horse?
Hmmm! I have been watching what I assume is ego emerge, subside, and emerge again throughout all the learning I have been doing. Yet, I am still not sure if what I am witnessing in me is all ego or sometimes Self?
This confusion affects my motivation to do certain things. If I think ego is involved, I tend to pull back and step away from my endeavor because I truly do not want this "made-up" part of who I am to run the show. When ego has the reins everything can get more than a little chaotic and I just end up going around in circles until I am dizzy. When Self has the reins everything is smooth and peaceful no matter what is going on around me. (The horse, of course, is the mind and body, right?)
The thing is, I often don't know which part of me is getting in the saddle until we have gone a few laps around the fence. When I find myself dizzy from not getting anywhere or worse bucked off the horse I was not skilled enough to handle. ...I can say, "Oh that was ego." And when I find myself getting somewhere (that somewhere is usually not an external distance) peacefully, moving along smoothly and calmly ...I can say ..."Ohhh...this must be Self holding the reins."
I would like to know before I put my foot up on the stirrup, you know? But ...sigh...for now, I have to keep learning the challenging way to determine when I am acting from an ego and when I am not...before I learn to become the rider I want to be. Just by realizing, "Oh...this is ego"...even if that realization only comes when I am face down in the manure...is the learning...is the coming back to Self.
Poetry: Ego or Self
I think of poetry and why I write it or put it out there for people to see. Is it Self or ego riding this mental endeavor when the poetry comes out on the page? And I know in my heart that it is Self because ...it more or less...just happens and because ego hates when I do it.
It just comes out ...lately after I learn something new or hear something that resonates in my core as truth. I know as I am hearing, reading certain words...that "this" whatever it is...is going to be expressed in a poem. I mean sometimes I think about it...I push and pull the words around a bit until they calm ego down some, I manipulate here, revise there...There is still some mind in there...but for the most part , it is like it just comes out and I find myself saying, "WTF(front door)? Why did I write that? And why am I allowing other people to see it???"
Ego Doesn't Like Poetry
Shamer Ego is in the background screaming, "No!!!!!! Don't do it!" lol
Remember ego has two sides, right? One side shames and keeps us down creating an image of us as "less than, deficient, broken, defective etc". And another side seeks to redeem by creating an illusion of us being more with the gaining and grasping for things that we erroneously believe will create a redeemed persona to hide the other. (Well that is how I see it anyway.)
As there might be in some of my other writing...there is no redemption motivation in my poetry...just pure and open vulnerability. I feel more naked and exposed with a poem than any of the other stuff I write. This vulnerability activates Shamer and this part of my ego will insist I don't publish it or show it and it will chastise me like crazy when I do. So if I publish a post with a poem, it has to be Self that is motivating me to do so. That is why I say this writing of poetry and this sharing of poetry is not ego for me.
It also comes out smoothly ( albeit it may sound like crap lol but it comes out so easily). It is a calm experience that is taking me, if no one else, somewhere...to a greater understanding that I never had before I read the poem that came out of me. And it all has so little to do with "me". I can say I wrote the books I wrote. I write this blog. I write my articles. I wrote my short fiction. I can say I wrote what was published. But when it comes to poetry...I honestly cannot say I write poems. It is really ( other than the bit of tweaking I may do) nothing I have done. It just comes through me.
Serendipity
And it is so freaky deeky, at times to see how it coincides so beautifully with things I learn, read, hear...after...certain poems came through me. At the time I first read certain poems...it is like "Huh???" And then the learning begins or is cemented so clearly with serendipity.
I am going to get you to go back to two poems I "supposedly" wrote: Windows to the Soul...or Windows...under the post from 2017 entitled "Eye Contact" https://dale-lynwritin.blogspot.com/2017/01/eye-contact.html
and the poem I wrote called "Ego Reflections" that I wrote months ago https://dale-lynwritin.blogspot.com/2020/02/poem-in-progress.html
I mean there was some inspiration for each of these poems at the time I was writing them but I still didn't quite understand them.
Today I was listening to a lovely dharma talk, like I do everyday ( see link below) and in this talk Br Phap Cau spoke about Narcissus and another interpretation of that fable...and he talked about shadow projections...how we see ourselves in other people. It was like "AHA!!!"
Just like that.... w those two poems I "supposedly" wrote without fully understanding why I wrote them.... made perfect sense to me. This dharma talk and " my" poems go together in some crazy nonlinear way. It just blew me away and cemented this idea that poetry is nothing I have done or do...it is just done through this body and mind. For that reason...I have to say it is Self that is riding the Poetry horse...and no matter how much ego screams in the back ground, "Don't do it!!!!" I have to share them. That is Self.
Other Endeavors
I question which of the following (ego or Self) motivated me in another endeavour and which of the two holds me back from sharing it. I mentioned here that I wanted to offer some service or give something helpful to the world during this pandemic, especially since I could no longer nurse and have so little money. As a Yoga teacher, I created a yoga page. I think this is a great time for yoga...to help settle and calm body and mind. So I have a page with several instructional videos on asanas and pranayama, as well as on body and breath awareness I created over the last couple of months. I have offered it to some but not all of my students. Why?
I question: Was it ego that led me to produce this...a need to be recognized and seen, a way to practice and strengthen this" idea" I have of me as a yoga teacher? Or was it Self...a genuine desire to serve in some way. It was actually both of these, I suppose.
What is holding me back from making it public like I said I would? First of all, I fear Redeemer ego's role in this will taint my giving desire. I want to give for the sake of giving, not to strengthen any crazy idea I have of little me. And it is embarrassing lol. Shamer is screaming in the background...as it does with my poetry..."Don't Do it!!!! Don't expose yourself!! Your gift isn't good enough!"
You see...my videos are far from perfect, as am I, in them...As a body, as an instructor, as a speaker, as a yogi, and as a "person", I am far from perfect. This leads me to feel vulnerable and at risk for criticism and ridicule. Shamer says..."Until you are perfect...don't show yourself. You haven't got anything of value to offer."
What do you think Self has to say to that?
Something to the effect, "Just give what you have to give with kindness and compassion. Don't be concerned with outcome. It may be received well and it may not be. That has nothing to do with "you". Giving, compassion, love, joy, kindness has little to do with you. Like the poetry...it just comes through you. The real shame here...will not be in how this idea of "you" appears to others but to block the natural flow of giving with your fear."
Wow!
Yoga anyone?
https://spark.adobe.com/page/tWkqUA9YwK13m/
All is well!
Plum Village (April 2020) The Philosophy of the Philosopher's Stone/ Dharma Talk with Br. Phap Cau https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nI8yIMYR2Mc
From Dharma Talk linked below
Who is Riding the Horse?
Hmmm! I have been watching what I assume is ego emerge, subside, and emerge again throughout all the learning I have been doing. Yet, I am still not sure if what I am witnessing in me is all ego or sometimes Self?
This confusion affects my motivation to do certain things. If I think ego is involved, I tend to pull back and step away from my endeavor because I truly do not want this "made-up" part of who I am to run the show. When ego has the reins everything can get more than a little chaotic and I just end up going around in circles until I am dizzy. When Self has the reins everything is smooth and peaceful no matter what is going on around me. (The horse, of course, is the mind and body, right?)
The thing is, I often don't know which part of me is getting in the saddle until we have gone a few laps around the fence. When I find myself dizzy from not getting anywhere or worse bucked off the horse I was not skilled enough to handle. ...I can say, "Oh that was ego." And when I find myself getting somewhere (that somewhere is usually not an external distance) peacefully, moving along smoothly and calmly ...I can say ..."Ohhh...this must be Self holding the reins."
I would like to know before I put my foot up on the stirrup, you know? But ...sigh...for now, I have to keep learning the challenging way to determine when I am acting from an ego and when I am not...before I learn to become the rider I want to be. Just by realizing, "Oh...this is ego"...even if that realization only comes when I am face down in the manure...is the learning...is the coming back to Self.
Poetry: Ego or Self
I think of poetry and why I write it or put it out there for people to see. Is it Self or ego riding this mental endeavor when the poetry comes out on the page? And I know in my heart that it is Self because ...it more or less...just happens and because ego hates when I do it.
It just comes out ...lately after I learn something new or hear something that resonates in my core as truth. I know as I am hearing, reading certain words...that "this" whatever it is...is going to be expressed in a poem. I mean sometimes I think about it...I push and pull the words around a bit until they calm ego down some, I manipulate here, revise there...There is still some mind in there...but for the most part , it is like it just comes out and I find myself saying, "WTF(front door)? Why did I write that? And why am I allowing other people to see it???"
Ego Doesn't Like Poetry
Shamer Ego is in the background screaming, "No!!!!!! Don't do it!" lol
Remember ego has two sides, right? One side shames and keeps us down creating an image of us as "less than, deficient, broken, defective etc". And another side seeks to redeem by creating an illusion of us being more with the gaining and grasping for things that we erroneously believe will create a redeemed persona to hide the other. (Well that is how I see it anyway.)
As there might be in some of my other writing...there is no redemption motivation in my poetry...just pure and open vulnerability. I feel more naked and exposed with a poem than any of the other stuff I write. This vulnerability activates Shamer and this part of my ego will insist I don't publish it or show it and it will chastise me like crazy when I do. So if I publish a post with a poem, it has to be Self that is motivating me to do so. That is why I say this writing of poetry and this sharing of poetry is not ego for me.
It also comes out smoothly ( albeit it may sound like crap lol but it comes out so easily). It is a calm experience that is taking me, if no one else, somewhere...to a greater understanding that I never had before I read the poem that came out of me. And it all has so little to do with "me". I can say I wrote the books I wrote. I write this blog. I write my articles. I wrote my short fiction. I can say I wrote what was published. But when it comes to poetry...I honestly cannot say I write poems. It is really ( other than the bit of tweaking I may do) nothing I have done. It just comes through me.
Serendipity
And it is so freaky deeky, at times to see how it coincides so beautifully with things I learn, read, hear...after...certain poems came through me. At the time I first read certain poems...it is like "Huh???" And then the learning begins or is cemented so clearly with serendipity.
I am going to get you to go back to two poems I "supposedly" wrote: Windows to the Soul...or Windows...under the post from 2017 entitled "Eye Contact" https://dale-lynwritin.blogspot.com/2017/01/eye-contact.html
and the poem I wrote called "Ego Reflections" that I wrote months ago https://dale-lynwritin.blogspot.com/2020/02/poem-in-progress.html
I mean there was some inspiration for each of these poems at the time I was writing them but I still didn't quite understand them.
Today I was listening to a lovely dharma talk, like I do everyday ( see link below) and in this talk Br Phap Cau spoke about Narcissus and another interpretation of that fable...and he talked about shadow projections...how we see ourselves in other people. It was like "AHA!!!"
Just like that.... w those two poems I "supposedly" wrote without fully understanding why I wrote them.... made perfect sense to me. This dharma talk and " my" poems go together in some crazy nonlinear way. It just blew me away and cemented this idea that poetry is nothing I have done or do...it is just done through this body and mind. For that reason...I have to say it is Self that is riding the Poetry horse...and no matter how much ego screams in the back ground, "Don't do it!!!!" I have to share them. That is Self.
Other Endeavors
I question which of the following (ego or Self) motivated me in another endeavour and which of the two holds me back from sharing it. I mentioned here that I wanted to offer some service or give something helpful to the world during this pandemic, especially since I could no longer nurse and have so little money. As a Yoga teacher, I created a yoga page. I think this is a great time for yoga...to help settle and calm body and mind. So I have a page with several instructional videos on asanas and pranayama, as well as on body and breath awareness I created over the last couple of months. I have offered it to some but not all of my students. Why?
I question: Was it ego that led me to produce this...a need to be recognized and seen, a way to practice and strengthen this" idea" I have of me as a yoga teacher? Or was it Self...a genuine desire to serve in some way. It was actually both of these, I suppose.
What is holding me back from making it public like I said I would? First of all, I fear Redeemer ego's role in this will taint my giving desire. I want to give for the sake of giving, not to strengthen any crazy idea I have of little me. And it is embarrassing lol. Shamer is screaming in the background...as it does with my poetry..."Don't Do it!!!! Don't expose yourself!! Your gift isn't good enough!"
You see...my videos are far from perfect, as am I, in them...As a body, as an instructor, as a speaker, as a yogi, and as a "person", I am far from perfect. This leads me to feel vulnerable and at risk for criticism and ridicule. Shamer says..."Until you are perfect...don't show yourself. You haven't got anything of value to offer."
What do you think Self has to say to that?
Something to the effect, "Just give what you have to give with kindness and compassion. Don't be concerned with outcome. It may be received well and it may not be. That has nothing to do with "you". Giving, compassion, love, joy, kindness has little to do with you. Like the poetry...it just comes through you. The real shame here...will not be in how this idea of "you" appears to others but to block the natural flow of giving with your fear."
Wow!
Yoga anyone?
https://spark.adobe.com/page/tWkqUA9YwK13m/
All is well!
Plum Village (April 2020) The Philosophy of the Philosopher's Stone/ Dharma Talk with Br. Phap Cau https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nI8yIMYR2Mc
Tuesday, May 12, 2020
Emotion
emotion
emotion is
created by notions
of what is pleasant
what is not
in the factories of our
human form
we stand like
stoic guards
in front of each of the
body's gates
selectively determining
what should enter
and what should
be denied admission
into the emotion
making factory
of our existence
those selected and
varied ingredients
that enter
will be poured
into the ever changing
spinning
whirling
noisy
machinery
of our minds
stirred
and seasoned
by the instruments of form,
thought
and
circumstance....
until the products
are ready for export
like water
pouring through
a porous vessel
these neatly packaged
emotions
are meant
to pour through us
fluidly
smoothly
cleansing,
quenching and
enhancing this
human experience
and adding
eventually
to the world beyond
yet too many
hindrances to
this fluid movement
arise
in this imperfect
production line
beginning with
the gatekeeper
who allows
too much of
the noisy
and contaminated
ingredients in
and not enough
of the pure
and natural
creating emotions
that are volatile
and toxic
to
the machinery itself
which will sometimes
choke
and sputter
in the poorly
ventilated spaces
of our minds
sometimes
impatient machines
will release
the semi-finished
products down
the assembly line
prematurely
or they will not
release them at all
clinging to them
or storing them
away from sight
in dark closets.
or the emotions
may be packaged
incorrectly
in a way they can not be
identified
and released to
waiting vendors
on the outside
inspect your factory
interview and question
those who stand
at the five gates
take the machinery apart
and examine each
broken
and rusted piece
while windows
are opened to allow for more
light and fresh air
to fill this space
repairs can then be made
to allow for
the free movement
outward
of these precious products
so the factory
can remain uncongested
and the world will
be beautified by
emotional expression
Dale-Lyn May 2020
Okay...okay...this came out after listening to the video below. I am really not sure why it came out this way lol. It just did
Plum Village ( November, 2019) The Physiology of Love/Sr. Thaun Nghiem,New Hamlet https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSpUIQ9yUEo
Lessons 186-190
Enlightenment is but a recognition, not a change at all. Light is not of the world, yet you who bear the light in you are alien here as well...It is the only thing you bring with you from Him Who is your Source. ACIM-W-188: 1:4-7
Lesson 186
We may think it arrogant to say, Salvation of the world depends on me, but we are taught in this lesson that it is true humility to utter those words and mean them. It is arrogant to think that we can have a Will other than God's. God entrusts us the ability to help save the world through our forgiveness. Arrogance is when we listen to the image of us that we created that is not real, an image that shifts in emotion constantly, that is fearful and helpless. This is not what God created us to be. We are assigned a very important role in His service to set the world free with Love and forgiveness.
Lesson 187
Here we are reminded that if we are to save the world, we must first accept salvation for ourselves. We do not lose when we give, we gain. Giving is proof of having. 187:1:2 Giving will increase what we possess. We must learn to decide what is illusion and what is real and protect that which is real. If we accept suffering for ourselves, others will suffer. If we seek freedom from suffering for ourselves , others will be free. when we offer forgiveness to another, we give it to ourselves,
Lesson 188
There is light in us that comes from our Source and it can not be lost...even though we do not believe it is there or that we lost or we seek it in the future when it is in us already. The peace of God is shining in you now, and from the heart extends around the world...what it gives must be eternal. 188:3:1,3 Once we recognize this peace within ourselves...and it is a recognizing and remembering...not a change. ...we cannot help but give it. Enlightenment is simply bringing our wandering thoughts that convince us we are something we are not back to this light within us, that is us.
Lesson 189
Once we feel the Love of God in us, we see the world differently: shining in innocence, alive in hope, and blessed with perfect charity and love. 189:1:6. It becomes a peace filled world in which forgiveness shines on everything. We have a choice to continue seeing teh world ego creates full of illusion, defense, attack and fear or the world the Love of God allows us to see. To see the world of Love we need to be still, empty our minds of preconceived ideas, notions, concepts...hold onto nothing...just fall back into that emptiness and spaciousness. The way to reach God is to simply let him be. We do not choose the way we go to Him but we chose the way we let Him come. We ask for God's Will. We ask and we receive.
Lesson 190
Pain is the wrong perspective. We are asked in a sense in this lesson to take on "right view" and to understand God is love not pain. Pain is a sign illusions reign in place of truth....If God is real, there is no pain. If pain is real, there is no God. 190:3:1-4 It is not the world or God that causes us pain...it is simply our thoughts.
Thoughts to close with:
It is your thoughts alone that cause you pain. Nothing external to your mind can hurt or injure you in any way.190:5:1-2
Pain is illusion; joy, reality. Pain is but sleep; joy is awakening. Pain is deception; joy alone is truth. 190:10:4-6
All is well!
Lesson 186
We may think it arrogant to say, Salvation of the world depends on me, but we are taught in this lesson that it is true humility to utter those words and mean them. It is arrogant to think that we can have a Will other than God's. God entrusts us the ability to help save the world through our forgiveness. Arrogance is when we listen to the image of us that we created that is not real, an image that shifts in emotion constantly, that is fearful and helpless. This is not what God created us to be. We are assigned a very important role in His service to set the world free with Love and forgiveness.
Lesson 187
Here we are reminded that if we are to save the world, we must first accept salvation for ourselves. We do not lose when we give, we gain. Giving is proof of having. 187:1:2 Giving will increase what we possess. We must learn to decide what is illusion and what is real and protect that which is real. If we accept suffering for ourselves, others will suffer. If we seek freedom from suffering for ourselves , others will be free. when we offer forgiveness to another, we give it to ourselves,
Lesson 188
There is light in us that comes from our Source and it can not be lost...even though we do not believe it is there or that we lost or we seek it in the future when it is in us already. The peace of God is shining in you now, and from the heart extends around the world...what it gives must be eternal. 188:3:1,3 Once we recognize this peace within ourselves...and it is a recognizing and remembering...not a change. ...we cannot help but give it. Enlightenment is simply bringing our wandering thoughts that convince us we are something we are not back to this light within us, that is us.
Lesson 189
Once we feel the Love of God in us, we see the world differently: shining in innocence, alive in hope, and blessed with perfect charity and love. 189:1:6. It becomes a peace filled world in which forgiveness shines on everything. We have a choice to continue seeing teh world ego creates full of illusion, defense, attack and fear or the world the Love of God allows us to see. To see the world of Love we need to be still, empty our minds of preconceived ideas, notions, concepts...hold onto nothing...just fall back into that emptiness and spaciousness. The way to reach God is to simply let him be. We do not choose the way we go to Him but we chose the way we let Him come. We ask for God's Will. We ask and we receive.
Lesson 190
Pain is the wrong perspective. We are asked in a sense in this lesson to take on "right view" and to understand God is love not pain. Pain is a sign illusions reign in place of truth....If God is real, there is no pain. If pain is real, there is no God. 190:3:1-4 It is not the world or God that causes us pain...it is simply our thoughts.
Thoughts to close with:
It is your thoughts alone that cause you pain. Nothing external to your mind can hurt or injure you in any way.190:5:1-2
Pain is illusion; joy, reality. Pain is but sleep; joy is awakening. Pain is deception; joy alone is truth. 190:10:4-6
All is well!
Sunday, May 10, 2020
Happy Mother's Day
Happy Mother's Day...
.....to all women(all those who identify as female) who have the instinct to care and nurture another being, be it two legged, four legged or no legged.
Have a wonderful day!
.....to all women(all those who identify as female) who have the instinct to care and nurture another being, be it two legged, four legged or no legged.
Have a wonderful day!
"Is This Something I Really Want? "
It is time for changing thoughts and obscure notions to pass through;
leaving nothing[no-thing]in the space of all we thought we knew.
me ( whoever that is :))
Night time Muses
I woke up around four in the morning and as I lay in bed, still halfway between sleep and wakefulness, these words came to me...quite forcefully actually...as words sometimes do in the middle of the night. I sometimes have full 10 stanza poems coming to me in that way and I am usually too lazy to get up to write them down. I tell myself that I will remember the words because of the force at which they come to me but I usually don't.
Well last night these words came to me and it was like "Oh wow! It is happening again. " and at the same time "Oh crap! I am supposed to remember this and if I don't write it down I won't remember." I didn't want to get up. Because it was only two lines, I told myself I would remember. I kept repeating the words to myself over and over in hope I wouldn't forget them and could jot them down when morning came...But no...that wasn't going to work. I was compelled by something inside me to get up and write the words down. Which I did.
And now I am like, "Huh? What do I do with that?"
Changing Thoughts and Obscure Notions
Of course, it is just a reiteration of all I have learned to date about waking up. We just need to let go of our attachment to thought which keeps changing and is far from eternal...and our notions of what will bring happiness and what will bring pain...just let them pass through us and our lives until we are in that space where there is no form (things), just space and this knowing that what we thought we knew was really nothing. When that is gone we will fall back into being aware of being aware, of spacious essence and all we truly are.
Wow! This bit of reminded wisdom came out in a rhyming two liner. Who thinks in poetic verse besides Mother Goose?
Anyway that brings me to the topic of notions and thinking and more specifically wanting. I tend to go back to the posts that I notice are being read and reread them. I do this mostly to appease my critical ego who picks up every grammatical error and poorly structured sentence or articulated idea but sometimes I get valuable insight about my own growth. I went back to entries I wrote about 'wanting".
Changing Notions About "Wanting"
I want to clarify not only the difference between wanting and grasping but the difference in my understanding from then until now. I owe gratitude to the dharma talk I heard today ( linked below) for helping to realize this.
When I first heard of "The Law of Attraction"...I was skeptical but hopeful. I was looking for a way out of my present set of circumstances at a time in my life where I felt I was being bombarded by loss, illness, memories of past trauma, broken relationships, the death of loved ones, serious parental issues, financial crisis etc etc...it was definitely not the life I would ask for. There was so much stress and I wanted its opposite.
I was a person who was also aware of the spiritual dimension of my being and of the power of the human mind. So when I heard of "The Secret", at a time I was living a life of scarcity and what I didn't want, I was pulled toward that possibility. I was desperate to try anything that would relieve this deep sense of suffering I seemed to be living through. I began to focus on what I thought I wanted: more income ( or at least enough so I wouldn't lose the house), a return to health ( or at least validation for a lack of it so I could go from there), a healthy romantic relationship, recognition and validation as a writer, an end to all the things my kids were going through. I was specific in my wanting...as specific as I could be. When a couple of the things I wanted came into fruition ( "manifested" ) I became convinced that it worked.
A lot has changed since then. I am not saying that The Law of Attraction is or is not real, I am not saying focusing on wanting works or doesn't work. I discovered, in my own experience with it, through this process...that what I focused on was not what I really wanted. They were notions...misguided obscure notions that specific things in my environment would make me happy. I believed that if the physical things in my world changed, if those ever changing thoughts of things I put on dream boards were to manifest ...I would be happy. My suffering would be ended. I learned that that is not the case.
With this Law of attraction stuff I was focusing on wanting things "out there" to give me what I needed "in here". I was "grasping" and we all know by now that grasping will never bring peace. Wanting felt good though ..it brought some "excitement" and "enthusiasm" in my life when I felt I was being flattened by circumstance...but did it bring me what I really wanted?
I began to look at those things I had on my list. I realized they were just "notions" and "changing thoughts...not a path to what I really wanted.
" Is a romantic relationship what I really want?" That question came about around the same time I was studying about special relationships in ACIM and studying other doctrines as well. I had a notion about special relationships, about romance cultivated in me from the time I was a young girl. It was a "fantasy" I was placing my intentions on...not the reality of relating with a partner. I grew out of that fantasy.
"Is being a well known famous writer what I really want?" I assumed recognition as a writer would bring happiness and the end to my financial suffering...so I wanted that to "manifest". I did get some recognition and quickly learned that it would never be enough. And when I focused on getting recognition rather than just writing...my writing became work rather than something I creatively let happen. I stopped seeking that ( though my desire for publication is still there to a lesser degree)
"Is money what I really want? "I wanted more money...just so I wouldn't lose my house. It was that close. Somewhere along the way I realized that if I lost the house I would be okay...so I began to find ways to ensure the kids would be okay if that happened and was almost anticipating the challenge with a little excitement. "Wow! Maybe I will grow so much through this. And I won't have to worry and struggle so much in my attempts to keep it. " Luckily, things turned around and I still have the house...for now.
"Is freedom from all illness or at least validation from medicine and support systems what I really want?" I learned the hard way that it isn't what I need or want. I need to find my own way through perceived illness and that begins not "out there" but "in here"...not so much through the body but through the mind. So though the physical conditions are still very real to me and the last of which did not miraculously go away because I put it out of my mind two months ago, I am not fighting against a system to be heard any more and that gives me so much more space and energy to heal in the only way healing can really take place. I am not discounting that I will need medicine someday for most, if not all of these conditions, but for now...I don't need that validation.
Grasping: Not What We Really Want
So I guess what I am saying is the type of wanting I wrote about in 2017 was leaning toward "grasping". I have evolved enough to know that none of these things could give me what I really want over the long term. And what is that?
Peace....what I really, really want is peace and that cannot be found on dream boards. It is inside me already.
I do not have to hope and dream and affirm changes in my external world to get peace. I just have to go inward to where the peace is unconditionally.
So the wanting I do now is not based on seeking and grasping for something out there to change or become different...but for me to use my mind in such a way that things do not have to change for me to be happy. To be happy unconditionally.
Hope that makes sense and is helpful.
There is nothing wrong with wanting but just know what it is you truly want.
All is well.
Plum village ( May 2020) One Toe Wiggles/Dharma Talk by Sr, Dang Nghiem (Deer Park Monastery)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18LBG8yi6NQ
leaving nothing[no-thing]in the space of all we thought we knew.
me ( whoever that is :))
Night time Muses
I woke up around four in the morning and as I lay in bed, still halfway between sleep and wakefulness, these words came to me...quite forcefully actually...as words sometimes do in the middle of the night. I sometimes have full 10 stanza poems coming to me in that way and I am usually too lazy to get up to write them down. I tell myself that I will remember the words because of the force at which they come to me but I usually don't.
Well last night these words came to me and it was like "Oh wow! It is happening again. " and at the same time "Oh crap! I am supposed to remember this and if I don't write it down I won't remember." I didn't want to get up. Because it was only two lines, I told myself I would remember. I kept repeating the words to myself over and over in hope I wouldn't forget them and could jot them down when morning came...But no...that wasn't going to work. I was compelled by something inside me to get up and write the words down. Which I did.
And now I am like, "Huh? What do I do with that?"
Changing Thoughts and Obscure Notions
Of course, it is just a reiteration of all I have learned to date about waking up. We just need to let go of our attachment to thought which keeps changing and is far from eternal...and our notions of what will bring happiness and what will bring pain...just let them pass through us and our lives until we are in that space where there is no form (things), just space and this knowing that what we thought we knew was really nothing. When that is gone we will fall back into being aware of being aware, of spacious essence and all we truly are.
Wow! This bit of reminded wisdom came out in a rhyming two liner. Who thinks in poetic verse besides Mother Goose?
Anyway that brings me to the topic of notions and thinking and more specifically wanting. I tend to go back to the posts that I notice are being read and reread them. I do this mostly to appease my critical ego who picks up every grammatical error and poorly structured sentence or articulated idea but sometimes I get valuable insight about my own growth. I went back to entries I wrote about 'wanting".
Changing Notions About "Wanting"
I want to clarify not only the difference between wanting and grasping but the difference in my understanding from then until now. I owe gratitude to the dharma talk I heard today ( linked below) for helping to realize this.
When I first heard of "The Law of Attraction"...I was skeptical but hopeful. I was looking for a way out of my present set of circumstances at a time in my life where I felt I was being bombarded by loss, illness, memories of past trauma, broken relationships, the death of loved ones, serious parental issues, financial crisis etc etc...it was definitely not the life I would ask for. There was so much stress and I wanted its opposite.
I was a person who was also aware of the spiritual dimension of my being and of the power of the human mind. So when I heard of "The Secret", at a time I was living a life of scarcity and what I didn't want, I was pulled toward that possibility. I was desperate to try anything that would relieve this deep sense of suffering I seemed to be living through. I began to focus on what I thought I wanted: more income ( or at least enough so I wouldn't lose the house), a return to health ( or at least validation for a lack of it so I could go from there), a healthy romantic relationship, recognition and validation as a writer, an end to all the things my kids were going through. I was specific in my wanting...as specific as I could be. When a couple of the things I wanted came into fruition ( "manifested" ) I became convinced that it worked.
A lot has changed since then. I am not saying that The Law of Attraction is or is not real, I am not saying focusing on wanting works or doesn't work. I discovered, in my own experience with it, through this process...that what I focused on was not what I really wanted. They were notions...misguided obscure notions that specific things in my environment would make me happy. I believed that if the physical things in my world changed, if those ever changing thoughts of things I put on dream boards were to manifest ...I would be happy. My suffering would be ended. I learned that that is not the case.
With this Law of attraction stuff I was focusing on wanting things "out there" to give me what I needed "in here". I was "grasping" and we all know by now that grasping will never bring peace. Wanting felt good though ..it brought some "excitement" and "enthusiasm" in my life when I felt I was being flattened by circumstance...but did it bring me what I really wanted?
I began to look at those things I had on my list. I realized they were just "notions" and "changing thoughts...not a path to what I really wanted.
" Is a romantic relationship what I really want?" That question came about around the same time I was studying about special relationships in ACIM and studying other doctrines as well. I had a notion about special relationships, about romance cultivated in me from the time I was a young girl. It was a "fantasy" I was placing my intentions on...not the reality of relating with a partner. I grew out of that fantasy.
"Is being a well known famous writer what I really want?" I assumed recognition as a writer would bring happiness and the end to my financial suffering...so I wanted that to "manifest". I did get some recognition and quickly learned that it would never be enough. And when I focused on getting recognition rather than just writing...my writing became work rather than something I creatively let happen. I stopped seeking that ( though my desire for publication is still there to a lesser degree)
"Is money what I really want? "I wanted more money...just so I wouldn't lose my house. It was that close. Somewhere along the way I realized that if I lost the house I would be okay...so I began to find ways to ensure the kids would be okay if that happened and was almost anticipating the challenge with a little excitement. "Wow! Maybe I will grow so much through this. And I won't have to worry and struggle so much in my attempts to keep it. " Luckily, things turned around and I still have the house...for now.
"Is freedom from all illness or at least validation from medicine and support systems what I really want?" I learned the hard way that it isn't what I need or want. I need to find my own way through perceived illness and that begins not "out there" but "in here"...not so much through the body but through the mind. So though the physical conditions are still very real to me and the last of which did not miraculously go away because I put it out of my mind two months ago, I am not fighting against a system to be heard any more and that gives me so much more space and energy to heal in the only way healing can really take place. I am not discounting that I will need medicine someday for most, if not all of these conditions, but for now...I don't need that validation.
Grasping: Not What We Really Want
So I guess what I am saying is the type of wanting I wrote about in 2017 was leaning toward "grasping". I have evolved enough to know that none of these things could give me what I really want over the long term. And what is that?
Peace....what I really, really want is peace and that cannot be found on dream boards. It is inside me already.
I do not have to hope and dream and affirm changes in my external world to get peace. I just have to go inward to where the peace is unconditionally.
So the wanting I do now is not based on seeking and grasping for something out there to change or become different...but for me to use my mind in such a way that things do not have to change for me to be happy. To be happy unconditionally.
Hope that makes sense and is helpful.
There is nothing wrong with wanting but just know what it is you truly want.
All is well.
Plum village ( May 2020) One Toe Wiggles/Dharma Talk by Sr, Dang Nghiem (Deer Park Monastery)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18LBG8yi6NQ
Thursday, May 7, 2020
Where are you going?
Be where you are. Otherwise you will miss your life.
The Buddha (https://positivepsychology.com/mindfulness-quotes/)
Plagscan again...showing up on my site...not sure what that means. Have some poems out there ...maybe someone is verifying authorship ??? If that is the case, I can assure you they are mine....well...they came through this body and mind. :)
A Reason For Concern?
Every time I see Plagscan, I get a little suspicious. I remember how concerned others have warned me recently, about putting up so much here. That some of it is actually good enough to get published and paid for (so they tell me). They fear omeone might copy it and call it their own.
I usually tell them in response to their concerns, first of all, that I cannot understand why anyone would want to take my material and call it their own...what they would get from doing that? There are much more qualified writers and bloggers out there to "steal" from. (such a strong word).
I then tell them that the material is protected anyway, that anyone who tried "to take" this stuff would be risking liability. Canadian copy right law protects what I have written as soon as it hits the page . So it's first copyright home is here. And because I want to have it together in hard copy ( I am a creature of hard copy reading :), I use the blog printing press here to create books with all I have written here...so in a sense it is then second righted. Though I am trying to get beyond the "What "I" have written, what "I" have done" crap because it stands in my way of understanding clearly that it isn't "little me" doing anything...I still know, as a writer, I have to protect material that has come from this body and mind. I will and I have!
And then I tell the concerned individuals that these very imperfect words are here on this blog because they came out here on this blog...this is where they are meant to be for whatever reason. This is their home. They can leave this blog and be published elsewhere under legitimate authorship after they make their debut here...I am okay with that...but they are meant to be here first. This isn't about making money and being known for me...I still write here under a pen for goodness sake. For me it is all about the message and following this deep seated pull I have to put it down here.
I want to trust that pull!
A Little Bit Suspicious
Though I feel confident and safe, with a sense there is nothing of value to lose here...I do get suspicious sometimes when I get the warnings from others, the same time I see Plagscan on my site. My readership has also increased significantly and I am wondering why.
My mind still has a slight tendency to become suspicious rather than trusting of my ability, this message, other intention for being here, and Life. I still have more practice to master.
A Learning
It is good that we can recognize our self when we are feeling that way though. Whether it is a legitimate gut feeling that is warning us or just the mind's crazy attempt to keep us feeling uneasy(paranoia)...I don't know. Regardless...it is not a feeling any of us want to hold on to for long, is it? I know where the feeling comes from with me...I can look deeply into it and learn so I can get beyond it.
Maybe readers are actually benefitting from this blog in a legitimate way. It is possible, isn't it? Regardless...I am going to lean toward the trusting Life, trusting this calling I have to spill it all out here... rather than the suspicion.
So thank you readers!!!
A Great Little Story
Anyway...that is not what I want to write about. I read this little lesson, taught by Thich Nhat Hanh , and relayed in Mindfulness Yoga (page 61) that stuck:
A man was galloping very quickly on his horse down a country road. The man's head was down, his jaw clenched and he was clinging tightly to the reins as the horse moved at great speed.
To an observer, who was walking on the side of the road, it appeared the man was headed some place very important.
As the rider passed, the observer shouted, "Where are you going?"
To which the man on the horse answered, "I don't know. Ask the horse!"
I don't have to say anything else about that, do I? :)
All is well in my world.
Frank Jude Boccio (2004) Mindfulness Yoga. Wisdom: Somerville
The Buddha (https://positivepsychology.com/mindfulness-quotes/)
Plagscan again...showing up on my site...not sure what that means. Have some poems out there ...maybe someone is verifying authorship ??? If that is the case, I can assure you they are mine....well...they came through this body and mind. :)
A Reason For Concern?
Every time I see Plagscan, I get a little suspicious. I remember how concerned others have warned me recently, about putting up so much here. That some of it is actually good enough to get published and paid for (so they tell me). They fear omeone might copy it and call it their own.
I usually tell them in response to their concerns, first of all, that I cannot understand why anyone would want to take my material and call it their own...what they would get from doing that? There are much more qualified writers and bloggers out there to "steal" from. (such a strong word).
I then tell them that the material is protected anyway, that anyone who tried "to take" this stuff would be risking liability. Canadian copy right law protects what I have written as soon as it hits the page . So it's first copyright home is here. And because I want to have it together in hard copy ( I am a creature of hard copy reading :), I use the blog printing press here to create books with all I have written here...so in a sense it is then second righted. Though I am trying to get beyond the "What "I" have written, what "I" have done" crap because it stands in my way of understanding clearly that it isn't "little me" doing anything...I still know, as a writer, I have to protect material that has come from this body and mind. I will and I have!
And then I tell the concerned individuals that these very imperfect words are here on this blog because they came out here on this blog...this is where they are meant to be for whatever reason. This is their home. They can leave this blog and be published elsewhere under legitimate authorship after they make their debut here...I am okay with that...but they are meant to be here first. This isn't about making money and being known for me...I still write here under a pen for goodness sake. For me it is all about the message and following this deep seated pull I have to put it down here.
I want to trust that pull!
A Little Bit Suspicious
Though I feel confident and safe, with a sense there is nothing of value to lose here...I do get suspicious sometimes when I get the warnings from others, the same time I see Plagscan on my site. My readership has also increased significantly and I am wondering why.
My mind still has a slight tendency to become suspicious rather than trusting of my ability, this message, other intention for being here, and Life. I still have more practice to master.
A Learning
It is good that we can recognize our self when we are feeling that way though. Whether it is a legitimate gut feeling that is warning us or just the mind's crazy attempt to keep us feeling uneasy(paranoia)...I don't know. Regardless...it is not a feeling any of us want to hold on to for long, is it? I know where the feeling comes from with me...I can look deeply into it and learn so I can get beyond it.
Maybe readers are actually benefitting from this blog in a legitimate way. It is possible, isn't it? Regardless...I am going to lean toward the trusting Life, trusting this calling I have to spill it all out here... rather than the suspicion.
So thank you readers!!!
A Great Little Story
Anyway...that is not what I want to write about. I read this little lesson, taught by Thich Nhat Hanh , and relayed in Mindfulness Yoga (page 61) that stuck:
A man was galloping very quickly on his horse down a country road. The man's head was down, his jaw clenched and he was clinging tightly to the reins as the horse moved at great speed.
To an observer, who was walking on the side of the road, it appeared the man was headed some place very important.
As the rider passed, the observer shouted, "Where are you going?"
To which the man on the horse answered, "I don't know. Ask the horse!"
I don't have to say anything else about that, do I? :)
All is well in my world.
Frank Jude Boccio (2004) Mindfulness Yoga. Wisdom: Somerville
Tuesday, May 5, 2020
Lessons 181-185
When you are still an instant, when the world recedes from you, when the valueless ideas cease to have value in your restless mind, then will you hear His Voice. ACIM-W-182:8:1
Back to ACIM, as promised. I will complete the lessons. Some may call it a quality, others a vice but I have this need to finish what I start. I started reviewing the lessons in the workbook for A Course in Miracles months ago...but so much learning from other avenues has come into my life since then...that my relaying my interpretation of the lessons has been sporadic.
If it seems like lessons are missing that is only because I did not cover the summaries. For example, Lessons 171-180 are the reviews for Lessons 151-170.
So let's get back to it:
Lesson 181
Perception has a focus. It is this that gives consistency to what you see. Change but this focus, and what you behold will change accordingly. ACIM-W-181:2:1-2
In this lesson we are asked to take on a new way of looking at our brother. ( Remember that "brother" ...includes all others regardless of sex or gender identity), especially those who we feel have "sinned" or who have wronged us in the past or who "seemingly" stand in our way of reaching future goals. It is not our brother that is "wrong" but our perception, our way of seeing each other and seeing time. We tend to look at the wrong doings of others as "sins" and we tend to focus on those wrong doings at the exclusion of anything else about that person.
When we seek innocence in our brother, regardless of what they have done, we will tap into the innocence within ourselves and we will experience peace. This peace in the present moment will help to dismantle our need for future goals. When we look with anger and blame on what we perceive to be "sins" in another our focus will narrow and we will see sin in others and in self. We need to change our focus...and not put that focus on future goals or fantasies but in the here and now. Our view of the world will change when we do this. We will learn to trust it.
It is not this that I would look upon. I trust my brothers, who are one with me. 181:6:4-5
Lesson 182
This lesson speaks to the real home that calls us in persistent feelings. We know that this physical world is not our home and we have within us a haunting memory of our true home. We often ignore that feeling and try to make our home in this world...seeking an end to the sadness, homesickness by seeking to gain, attain and maintain "things" this world offers us. We will ignore, stuff, deny or numb this feeling that calls us home. Yet no matter how much we do that we cannot remain content here. There is no substitute for Heaven. 182:3:6
The Child (Christ) seeks His Father's house and that Child is within us. It is us...it is our defenselessness and our strength and He will guide us home to rest in silence and peace and love. It just takes one moment of stillness to go Home. We are still innocent and we want nothing more than go home. We can.
Lesson 183
This lesson tells us, in a very poetic way, what evoking the name of God can do. It evokes the angels to surround us, sing for us and protect us. It makes the world put down all illusions leading to miracles whereas the blind can see, the deaf can hear, the sick are healed of sickly thoughts, sorrow is replaced with happiness. All other gods [material world aspirations] are forgotten. When we call upon His Name we call upon the Self Whose Name is His. We acknowledge Him as sole Creator of reality. His Thoughts become our own All the little things of earth will disappear or become silent.
Personal Note on 183
Now this lesson kind of tripped me up at first because I have been coming to the understanding that God is Nameless...like That which cannot be named...and as I learn about non duality it gets confusing. So I go back and read again:
God's Name is holy, but no holier than yours. To call upon His Name is but to call upon your own. 183:1:1-2
Those who call upon the Name of God cannot mistake the nameless for the Name, nor sin for grace, nor bodies for the Holy Son of God...183:5:3
...and see God's Name replace the thousand little names you gave your thoughts, not realizing that there is one Name for all there is, and all there will be 183:8:5
In this eternal, still relationship, in which communication far transcends all words, and yet exceeds in depth and height whatever words could possibly convey, of peace eternal...183:11:6
This teaches that we use the Name beyond the concept, beyond the way we habitually limit things with names. If it becomes the only Name there is, it becomes all there is. Is this not non-duality?
I think of the Tao and I think of the AUM in yoga which is the One Sound of God that unifies all.
There is a connection here.
Lesson 184
Aha! This lesson takes the 10, 000 things Lao Tzu speaks of to a greater understanding.
God has no name. And yet His Name becomes the final lesson that all things are One, and at this lesson does all learning end. 184:12:1-2
It takes us back to the realizing that words are just concepts...symbols used in this world that sees separation as a means to communicate. We can use them in our teaching as pointers, in fact we have to use them. Right now most of us believe that learning is all bout learning the names for a thousand different things. This creates the reality of separation we know. We can learn to look beyond the name to the only One reality. To transcend this limited reality of symbols and names we must first learn in this way and then we see that the names and symbols are not real. We can then see what is.
Father, our Name is Yours. In It we are united with all living things, and You Who are their Creator. What we made and call by many different names is but a shadow we have tried to cast across Your Own reality...Your Name unites us in the oneness which is our inheritance and peace. 184:15
Lesson 185
I want the peace of God.
When we say these words and mean them we would end sorrow and we would be healed. The world would be completely changed, should any two agree these words express the only thing they want. 185:2:9. There is no compromise...if we mean this we must put aside all dreams, all seeking for the things this material world offers in hope it will bring us peace. We also unite with all and want it for all. And if we can do this, ask this and really want it ...we cannot help but get it because we already have it.
These are complicated lessons and I learn something new each time I go through them. So I will only do five at a time. I can't stress enough...if you feel compelled towards the teachings ACIM offers, which is basically so much of the same teaching found in Buddhism, Taoism, Yoga, The Vedas, Contemporary Christianity...as well as much of psychology and philosophy ...read it and study it for yourself. This is my humble and often limited understanding only.
All is well.
ACIM (2007) A Course in Miracles: Combined Volume: Workbook. Foundations For Inner Peace
Back to ACIM, as promised. I will complete the lessons. Some may call it a quality, others a vice but I have this need to finish what I start. I started reviewing the lessons in the workbook for A Course in Miracles months ago...but so much learning from other avenues has come into my life since then...that my relaying my interpretation of the lessons has been sporadic.
If it seems like lessons are missing that is only because I did not cover the summaries. For example, Lessons 171-180 are the reviews for Lessons 151-170.
So let's get back to it:
Lesson 181
Perception has a focus. It is this that gives consistency to what you see. Change but this focus, and what you behold will change accordingly. ACIM-W-181:2:1-2
In this lesson we are asked to take on a new way of looking at our brother. ( Remember that "brother" ...includes all others regardless of sex or gender identity), especially those who we feel have "sinned" or who have wronged us in the past or who "seemingly" stand in our way of reaching future goals. It is not our brother that is "wrong" but our perception, our way of seeing each other and seeing time. We tend to look at the wrong doings of others as "sins" and we tend to focus on those wrong doings at the exclusion of anything else about that person.
When we seek innocence in our brother, regardless of what they have done, we will tap into the innocence within ourselves and we will experience peace. This peace in the present moment will help to dismantle our need for future goals. When we look with anger and blame on what we perceive to be "sins" in another our focus will narrow and we will see sin in others and in self. We need to change our focus...and not put that focus on future goals or fantasies but in the here and now. Our view of the world will change when we do this. We will learn to trust it.
It is not this that I would look upon. I trust my brothers, who are one with me. 181:6:4-5
Lesson 182
This lesson speaks to the real home that calls us in persistent feelings. We know that this physical world is not our home and we have within us a haunting memory of our true home. We often ignore that feeling and try to make our home in this world...seeking an end to the sadness, homesickness by seeking to gain, attain and maintain "things" this world offers us. We will ignore, stuff, deny or numb this feeling that calls us home. Yet no matter how much we do that we cannot remain content here. There is no substitute for Heaven. 182:3:6
The Child (Christ) seeks His Father's house and that Child is within us. It is us...it is our defenselessness and our strength and He will guide us home to rest in silence and peace and love. It just takes one moment of stillness to go Home. We are still innocent and we want nothing more than go home. We can.
Lesson 183
This lesson tells us, in a very poetic way, what evoking the name of God can do. It evokes the angels to surround us, sing for us and protect us. It makes the world put down all illusions leading to miracles whereas the blind can see, the deaf can hear, the sick are healed of sickly thoughts, sorrow is replaced with happiness. All other gods [material world aspirations] are forgotten. When we call upon His Name we call upon the Self Whose Name is His. We acknowledge Him as sole Creator of reality. His Thoughts become our own All the little things of earth will disappear or become silent.
Personal Note on 183
Now this lesson kind of tripped me up at first because I have been coming to the understanding that God is Nameless...like That which cannot be named...and as I learn about non duality it gets confusing. So I go back and read again:
God's Name is holy, but no holier than yours. To call upon His Name is but to call upon your own. 183:1:1-2
Those who call upon the Name of God cannot mistake the nameless for the Name, nor sin for grace, nor bodies for the Holy Son of God...183:5:3
...and see God's Name replace the thousand little names you gave your thoughts, not realizing that there is one Name for all there is, and all there will be 183:8:5
In this eternal, still relationship, in which communication far transcends all words, and yet exceeds in depth and height whatever words could possibly convey, of peace eternal...183:11:6
This teaches that we use the Name beyond the concept, beyond the way we habitually limit things with names. If it becomes the only Name there is, it becomes all there is. Is this not non-duality?
I think of the Tao and I think of the AUM in yoga which is the One Sound of God that unifies all.
There is a connection here.
Lesson 184
Aha! This lesson takes the 10, 000 things Lao Tzu speaks of to a greater understanding.
God has no name. And yet His Name becomes the final lesson that all things are One, and at this lesson does all learning end. 184:12:1-2
It takes us back to the realizing that words are just concepts...symbols used in this world that sees separation as a means to communicate. We can use them in our teaching as pointers, in fact we have to use them. Right now most of us believe that learning is all bout learning the names for a thousand different things. This creates the reality of separation we know. We can learn to look beyond the name to the only One reality. To transcend this limited reality of symbols and names we must first learn in this way and then we see that the names and symbols are not real. We can then see what is.
Father, our Name is Yours. In It we are united with all living things, and You Who are their Creator. What we made and call by many different names is but a shadow we have tried to cast across Your Own reality...Your Name unites us in the oneness which is our inheritance and peace. 184:15
Lesson 185
I want the peace of God.
When we say these words and mean them we would end sorrow and we would be healed. The world would be completely changed, should any two agree these words express the only thing they want. 185:2:9. There is no compromise...if we mean this we must put aside all dreams, all seeking for the things this material world offers in hope it will bring us peace. We also unite with all and want it for all. And if we can do this, ask this and really want it ...we cannot help but get it because we already have it.
These are complicated lessons and I learn something new each time I go through them. So I will only do five at a time. I can't stress enough...if you feel compelled towards the teachings ACIM offers, which is basically so much of the same teaching found in Buddhism, Taoism, Yoga, The Vedas, Contemporary Christianity...as well as much of psychology and philosophy ...read it and study it for yourself. This is my humble and often limited understanding only.
All is well.
ACIM (2007) A Course in Miracles: Combined Volume: Workbook. Foundations For Inner Peace
Sunday, May 3, 2020
This Is It!
This Is It!
"Stop!"
Hear the voice that whispers.
"You have been driving
blindly and recklessly.
Stop!
Press down gently
on that brake breath offers.
Feel your body and mind
easing under you
as you slowly come to stillness.
Allow this anchor of Life
to ground you in your now.
This is it.
Notice it.
Breathe it in!
Breathe it out!
In silence and stillness
recognize where you are.
This right here,
right now is it!
Nothing else but here.
Nothing else but now.
Nothing to run to.
Nothing to run from.
Nothing to do.
Nowhere to go.
Nothing to stuff, or hide
or push away...just this.
Just you and this moment.
You can not walk to it.
You can not walk away from it .
You cannot walk to you
and you cannot walk away from you.
You are this moment.
This is it.
Fall back into this.
Allow it.
Breathe it in
Breathe it out.
Resist the urge to run away,
to close your eyes,
to numb body and mind
from this what is.
Do not add to your confusion
and your suffering
by stabbing and piercing
this moment that is you
with the sharp and twisted
knife of judgment.
Gently put your weapon down
and let it be.
This is it.
Rest in it.
Breathe it in.
Breathe it out.
Accept the flat and barren landscape
as your place to be right now.
Allow the dark and cloudy sky to
hover over what you think you know.
Stand strong against the storm,
but bend with the wind.
Reach about and touch what is.
Pick it up and hold it to your chest.
This is it.
Embrace it.
Breathe it in .
Breathe it out.
Then look to the earth beneath you.
See how it is forever shifting
as seasons pass over it,
storms come and go.
Effortlessly seek the dormant seed
of peace and joy
hidden far beneath this changing soil.
Know it is there in tiny sleeping form
gently awakened by the vibrations
on the surface.
This is it.
Seek it.
Breathe it in
Breathe it out
Feel the rain upon your face
as it falls into the earth
and sinks down
through cracks
and openings
to a quench a thirst
only it can quench.
Then feel the tiny seed awaken,
twisting and turning
towards the emerging sun
that trickles through
the cloud cover,
in loving fingers
of maternal light
to nourish and to heal.
Watch as the storm, for now,
dies off
and the grey clouds part.
This is it.
Feel it.
Breathe it in.
Breathe it out.
Observe and watch
as old weeds of ego
clumped together
in thick patches of illusion
wither away to make room
for what was and will always be
ready to come through.
Let go.
This is it.
Be in awe of it.
Breathe it in.
Breathe it out.
Water the seed with your attention.
Fertilize it with your compassion.
And watch as it emerges
in tiny sprouts of your awareness
to blow and dance
in morning breezes.
This is it.
Be aware of it.
Breathe it in.
Breathe it out.
Observe peaceful joy
as it grows and blossoms
into a beautiful creation
of healing and renewal
of what was always there.
This is that which
keeps you nourished
even when you think you are hungry,
quenches all thirst
even when you feel thirsty,
keeps you filled with all you need
even when you believe you are empty.
This is it.
Take care of it.
Breathe it in.
Breathe it out.
Then watch with a
smile of knowing on your face
when the clouds come again
to hide the sun;
when the winds of storm
make their way
across the landscape
of your moment,
stirring up changes on the surface,
as they are meant to do.
Notice the earth shifting
beneath your aging feet
And look deeply into
the cause, condition and consequence
of nature's ever changing nature.
Let the insight happen there.
This is it.
Look deeply on it.
Breathe it in.
Breathe it out.
Stand firmly,
like a willow in the wind,
moving this way and that,
untouched and undamaged by
the storm and rain,
the surface destruction,
even if the flower you
nourished so lovingly
falters and is broken
at the stem.
Know that many seeds await beneath
this changing landscape
to come to Life
with your patience,
your loving kindness,
and your sweet awareness.
This is it.
Let it be.
Breathe it in.
Breathe it out. "
Dale-Lyn May, 2020
Okay this came out as I was listening to the lovely dharma talk listed below. It is also inspired by all I am reading and learning...including the book Being Aware of Being Aware by Rupert Spira and Mindful Yoga by Frank Boccio.
I am not sure when I will get back to normal lol...if I ever do...but for now...This is it!
References, Inspirations and Recommended
Boccio, Frank Jude(2004) Mindfulness Yoga. Wisdom Books: Somerville
Plum Village (September 15, 2017) This Is It!/Dharma Talk by Sister The Nghiem[deer Park]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AvpHoBHPIg
Spira, R. ( 2017) Being Aware of Being Aware. (The Essence of Meditation Series). New Harbinger:Kindle Edition.
Wednesday, April 29, 2020
Stepping Back a Bit
What is timeless is always there, because its being is eternally changeless.
ACIM-T-7:7:9
Been a Little Uneasy
I have been feeling a little uneasy about my time here over the last few weeks. For some reason, instead of taking the usual hour to get all my thoughts down in an entry, lately it has been taking up to four hours per entry. And I have been struggling to articulate what it is I am learning in that time. It isn't just flowing out like it usually does.
There has been so much wonderful learning...why cannot I not get it all down?
Okay...I know I have a sleep deprived, menopausal brain that has been on the last to receive end of a slowed cardiac output ( ticker has been acting up a bit)...so that could physiologically explain why I am challenged to write. I am okay with that but something tells me it is more than that. I am questioning if there is a "bigger" reason why Grace & Ease keep stepping out for extra breaks.
Best Use of Time an Energy?
Am I making the best use of the time and energy I have to best serve at this time? Sounds so dramatic, doesn't it? But seriously...am I? Is there some better way I can serve in these four hours I spend on this everyday? I believe this message is so important but I also know so few are ready to hear it and would more than likely be best off hearing it, if they are ready, from someone other than me. (Like from experts, and those dharma teachers and wise individuals I cite at the end of an entry). And if it is not coming up fluidly...what does that mean?
I have been averaging about 25 readers a day, according to my stats but I really cannot depend on those stats because it doesn't register some who tell me they are checking in and some who say they have been "subscribing" for years when my stats consistently show "no followers". So it is confusing. I still get a bit of spam despite all the spam filters...so I am never sure the people, stats are reporting, are actually readers or whatever. So it is confusing.
Like I said before, the number of people who read this...is not important. If I get through to one individual ...it is worth it. Right now the biggest readership is coming from Turkmenistan, an Asian country, once part of the Soviet Republic on the Caspian sea. Of its close to six million people, I may only be getting one reader but if the stats are correct and you are reading this sincerely everyday...thank you! If you have other agendas...please let them be ones that will benefit you and others while doing no harm. I say that to all who tap into this site. I am so grateful and so hopeful that this learning I express here will be received with the intention that I send it out.
Anyway...I digress. What I wanted to say is...I am wondering if at least some of my time here could be best spent elsewhere.
I do have a full life away from the blog, especially when I am only here for an hour or so a day...I take care of household matters, cooking, baking bread, yoga, loving and caring for family members, pets, reading, studying, walking, appreciating and shooting the life around me (though I have not had a camera in my hands for a while) and I do watch Netflix for a couple of hours a night. Still, I question if I am doing enough and what I am supposed to do or am I "hiding out"? When the time spent here goes beyond a couple of hours I really feel like I might be beacsue other things get neglected.
We all have something unique we are to "do" right? I am quite sure I am to write but what? I had that call to poetry a week ago and I never really followed it with the exception of getting a chap book out...it wasn't enough. Now I feel I have to get another one out? And I am remembering, in those sleepless hours of the night, all the other things I promised to write, intended to write, started writing ( some over half way done) that I put aside to come here . I am thinking of all teh stuff I have written that needs to go back on the submission train. Hmm! I am remembering all this for a reason.
Maybe It is a Habit That Doesn't Serve
And as she usually does, Serendipity stepped in this morning as I was listening to the dharma talk below about habits that sometimes get in the way of our collective turning and awakening. I started to question if my coming here is more of a habit that serves the ego, rather than a step toward this collective awakening as it was intended? Is it a crutch that stops me from stepping up as the writer I am meant to be? Am I to serve in a different area than writing? Or as a writer in a different way?
I don't know. I know for sure I am not going to stop coming here but I am going to come less often. I am going to explore the world of living and writing outside this page a little more deeply. I will come here 2-3 of times a week rather than everyday. It is like cutting back on beloved spicy food...to see if that is the cause of ones uneasy stomach? An experiment! Now...I have done this experiment before...I keep coming back, don't I?
But this uneasiness I have been having is here for a reason. I must recognize it, accept it, embrace it, look into and gain the insight it is offering . So I leave here to step into the nursery where it is crying...I will pick the baby up and we will go from there.
I am not leaving. I will be back.
All is well.
Plum Village/ Deer Park Monastery ( March 23, 2020) A Time of Collective Turning/Thay Pap Ho. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mL_sD-SPjO0
ACIM-T-7:7:9
Been a Little Uneasy
I have been feeling a little uneasy about my time here over the last few weeks. For some reason, instead of taking the usual hour to get all my thoughts down in an entry, lately it has been taking up to four hours per entry. And I have been struggling to articulate what it is I am learning in that time. It isn't just flowing out like it usually does.
There has been so much wonderful learning...why cannot I not get it all down?
Okay...I know I have a sleep deprived, menopausal brain that has been on the last to receive end of a slowed cardiac output ( ticker has been acting up a bit)...so that could physiologically explain why I am challenged to write. I am okay with that but something tells me it is more than that. I am questioning if there is a "bigger" reason why Grace & Ease keep stepping out for extra breaks.
Best Use of Time an Energy?
Am I making the best use of the time and energy I have to best serve at this time? Sounds so dramatic, doesn't it? But seriously...am I? Is there some better way I can serve in these four hours I spend on this everyday? I believe this message is so important but I also know so few are ready to hear it and would more than likely be best off hearing it, if they are ready, from someone other than me. (Like from experts, and those dharma teachers and wise individuals I cite at the end of an entry). And if it is not coming up fluidly...what does that mean?
I have been averaging about 25 readers a day, according to my stats but I really cannot depend on those stats because it doesn't register some who tell me they are checking in and some who say they have been "subscribing" for years when my stats consistently show "no followers". So it is confusing. I still get a bit of spam despite all the spam filters...so I am never sure the people, stats are reporting, are actually readers or whatever. So it is confusing.
Like I said before, the number of people who read this...is not important. If I get through to one individual ...it is worth it. Right now the biggest readership is coming from Turkmenistan, an Asian country, once part of the Soviet Republic on the Caspian sea. Of its close to six million people, I may only be getting one reader but if the stats are correct and you are reading this sincerely everyday...thank you! If you have other agendas...please let them be ones that will benefit you and others while doing no harm. I say that to all who tap into this site. I am so grateful and so hopeful that this learning I express here will be received with the intention that I send it out.
Anyway...I digress. What I wanted to say is...I am wondering if at least some of my time here could be best spent elsewhere.
I do have a full life away from the blog, especially when I am only here for an hour or so a day...I take care of household matters, cooking, baking bread, yoga, loving and caring for family members, pets, reading, studying, walking, appreciating and shooting the life around me (though I have not had a camera in my hands for a while) and I do watch Netflix for a couple of hours a night. Still, I question if I am doing enough and what I am supposed to do or am I "hiding out"? When the time spent here goes beyond a couple of hours I really feel like I might be beacsue other things get neglected.
We all have something unique we are to "do" right? I am quite sure I am to write but what? I had that call to poetry a week ago and I never really followed it with the exception of getting a chap book out...it wasn't enough. Now I feel I have to get another one out? And I am remembering, in those sleepless hours of the night, all the other things I promised to write, intended to write, started writing ( some over half way done) that I put aside to come here . I am thinking of all teh stuff I have written that needs to go back on the submission train. Hmm! I am remembering all this for a reason.
Maybe It is a Habit That Doesn't Serve
And as she usually does, Serendipity stepped in this morning as I was listening to the dharma talk below about habits that sometimes get in the way of our collective turning and awakening. I started to question if my coming here is more of a habit that serves the ego, rather than a step toward this collective awakening as it was intended? Is it a crutch that stops me from stepping up as the writer I am meant to be? Am I to serve in a different area than writing? Or as a writer in a different way?
I don't know. I know for sure I am not going to stop coming here but I am going to come less often. I am going to explore the world of living and writing outside this page a little more deeply. I will come here 2-3 of times a week rather than everyday. It is like cutting back on beloved spicy food...to see if that is the cause of ones uneasy stomach? An experiment! Now...I have done this experiment before...I keep coming back, don't I?
But this uneasiness I have been having is here for a reason. I must recognize it, accept it, embrace it, look into and gain the insight it is offering . So I leave here to step into the nursery where it is crying...I will pick the baby up and we will go from there.
I am not leaving. I will be back.
All is well.
Plum Village/ Deer Park Monastery ( March 23, 2020) A Time of Collective Turning/Thay Pap Ho. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mL_sD-SPjO0
Tuesday, April 28, 2020
Going Inside
If you can't go outside; go inside.
-Unknown ( from listed video below)
I was inspired today by a lovely dharma talk from "Brother Freedom" (see link below) and by this gut feeling I have been having about this pandemic. I came up with two suggestions I want to share
Don't step out of the bubble too soon!
Don't let it in!
Huh?
Don't Leave the Bubble Too Soon
I can understand people are getting tired of being cooped up inside. It effects individual well being. People need people, right?
And there are many individuals out there with mental illness who need it more than most and they now do not have access to personal contact with support systems.
There are elderly individuals reaching the end of their lives who are missing out on precious time with loved ones. Some who, because of a lack of social stimulation , are deteriorating emotionally, cognitively and physically.
I also know that this forced social isolation is wreaking havoc in other systems like the economy, small business, and social programs.
Of course, our acute care and long term care health systems are being overtaxed...our health care professionals overworked and over stressed.
And what about addiction? I know of individuals who desperately, desperately need rehabilitation and have been literally waiting for over a year to get into a program and now it is delayed indefinitely. And could this type of isolation lead the recreational users to over use and abuse in order to numb from the boredom? I see it happening.
We will not understand the full cost of this global shut down until it is completely lifted but we do know it is costly.
Yes it is hard...so, so hard on the world that is kept in the bubble pandemic containment requires. We want out! And sometimes, we tell ourselves many things to get out.
But...you knew there was a but coming , right?
We can not come out too soon!
I am especially concerned about my province loosening up too quickly on its regulations. I have a strong feeling, and I don't know why, I just do...that we are going to hit a spike in early May...a sign that we came out too soon.
There has been no new cases in the last few days...wonderful news! We have only a little over 100 confirmed cases in my province, all but six of them fully recovered, no deaths. That seems like wonderful news and it is...but it doesn't mean we are out of the woods. Especially considering the province next to us has almost 26,000 cases. (Of course...these numbers seem so tiny compared to the States but it has to be understood how rural much of Canada is in comparison to the congested urban centers of the U.S. that are reporting much greater numbers.).
Anyway...the fact that we have so few cases leaves me a little uneasy. I believe, as I have said before, that the virus has to pass through us and it seems that it just went around us. If this virus is like most viruses ...in order to reduce its impact we need herd immunity. We only get herd immunity with the production of antibodies either naturally ( by people getting sick and recovering) or artificially (by vaccines). We haven't enough of either.
Part of me says, "More healthy people have to get sick," and at the same time I recognize the danger in that. We do not know how this virus will behave because it is so new and we do not know enough about it. We cannot guarantee that infected once- healthy people will not get sick enough to need a ventilator and if that happens we might over tax our health care system thus leading to more morbidity and mortality in the long run.
Part of me also says, "Let the people who had the virus and who recovered out and about". But we cannot say for sure that this virus will lead to the same immunological responses other viruses lead to. Maybe our immune cells will not "remember" the antigen, making any antibody production useless, and leading to repeated infections in the same person.
Part of me says, "Just let it happen. Let's take our chances and let nature do what she needs to do! Let the virus pass through us." Of course I regret that as soon as I say that. One life lost when it doesn't have to be is too much and the effects of an uncontained virus without appropriate antivirals or vaccines could be too detrimental to even imagine.
So it is all a risk. Getting out of the bubble too soon might do more harm than good. Maybe ...we can slowly leak people out a bit at a time and closely monitor? Or maybe we just have to wait until we have the antivirals and vaccines to fall back on?
Anyway, let's not be in a hurry to get out too soon.
Don't let it in
Of course, I am not just talking about not letting the actual virus into our physical homes but also not letting the fear, anxiety, frustration related to the virus into the home the Self offers us. (check out the video below).
We can make a home refuge within our minds... a place that is spacious and inviting, still and quiet. We do not need to overload our minds with COVID-19 news. We can close the mental window on that for most of the day. If you feel inclined to...open it up once a day.
I myself do not listen to the news ( I didn't before COVID and I don't now.) Surprisingly, I still know what is going on in the world around me. I don't do social media anymore nor do I have my phone with me much of the time. I don't actively seek the news. It comes to me when it is necessary. I will check in with others who know once every 2-3 days to find out what is going on. Sometimes people will fill me in, in our conversations without my request. I get all the news I need about this pandemic and for the rest of my time I do not dwell on it.
I follow protocol. I teach others. I have "rules" in my house that I enforce so the virus does not come in, and so that others do not take it out if by chance it does enter. I meditate and pray for all those suffering because of it once or twice a day. But I I do not spend much of my mental energy on COVID-19 . I do not let COVID-19 in. I keep my refuge as pure as I can.
How?
By doing as the above quote suggests. I go inside. I find the imperturbable spaciousness inside and I relax in that. My mind shuts the windows that lead outside and relaxes in that space as well.
Works for me and I am confident it will work for you. We might not be able to go outside for a while. Let's all try going inside instead.
All is well
Plum Village ( March 27, 2020)Be a Home For Yourself/ Br Ngo Khong https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jveH-VUC8po
-Unknown ( from listed video below)
I was inspired today by a lovely dharma talk from "Brother Freedom" (see link below) and by this gut feeling I have been having about this pandemic. I came up with two suggestions I want to share
Don't step out of the bubble too soon!
Don't let it in!
Huh?
Don't Leave the Bubble Too Soon
I can understand people are getting tired of being cooped up inside. It effects individual well being. People need people, right?
And there are many individuals out there with mental illness who need it more than most and they now do not have access to personal contact with support systems.
There are elderly individuals reaching the end of their lives who are missing out on precious time with loved ones. Some who, because of a lack of social stimulation , are deteriorating emotionally, cognitively and physically.
I also know that this forced social isolation is wreaking havoc in other systems like the economy, small business, and social programs.
Of course, our acute care and long term care health systems are being overtaxed...our health care professionals overworked and over stressed.
And what about addiction? I know of individuals who desperately, desperately need rehabilitation and have been literally waiting for over a year to get into a program and now it is delayed indefinitely. And could this type of isolation lead the recreational users to over use and abuse in order to numb from the boredom? I see it happening.
We will not understand the full cost of this global shut down until it is completely lifted but we do know it is costly.
Yes it is hard...so, so hard on the world that is kept in the bubble pandemic containment requires. We want out! And sometimes, we tell ourselves many things to get out.
But...you knew there was a but coming , right?
We can not come out too soon!
I am especially concerned about my province loosening up too quickly on its regulations. I have a strong feeling, and I don't know why, I just do...that we are going to hit a spike in early May...a sign that we came out too soon.
There has been no new cases in the last few days...wonderful news! We have only a little over 100 confirmed cases in my province, all but six of them fully recovered, no deaths. That seems like wonderful news and it is...but it doesn't mean we are out of the woods. Especially considering the province next to us has almost 26,000 cases. (Of course...these numbers seem so tiny compared to the States but it has to be understood how rural much of Canada is in comparison to the congested urban centers of the U.S. that are reporting much greater numbers.).
Anyway...the fact that we have so few cases leaves me a little uneasy. I believe, as I have said before, that the virus has to pass through us and it seems that it just went around us. If this virus is like most viruses ...in order to reduce its impact we need herd immunity. We only get herd immunity with the production of antibodies either naturally ( by people getting sick and recovering) or artificially (by vaccines). We haven't enough of either.
Part of me says, "More healthy people have to get sick," and at the same time I recognize the danger in that. We do not know how this virus will behave because it is so new and we do not know enough about it. We cannot guarantee that infected once- healthy people will not get sick enough to need a ventilator and if that happens we might over tax our health care system thus leading to more morbidity and mortality in the long run.
Part of me also says, "Let the people who had the virus and who recovered out and about". But we cannot say for sure that this virus will lead to the same immunological responses other viruses lead to. Maybe our immune cells will not "remember" the antigen, making any antibody production useless, and leading to repeated infections in the same person.
Part of me says, "Just let it happen. Let's take our chances and let nature do what she needs to do! Let the virus pass through us." Of course I regret that as soon as I say that. One life lost when it doesn't have to be is too much and the effects of an uncontained virus without appropriate antivirals or vaccines could be too detrimental to even imagine.
So it is all a risk. Getting out of the bubble too soon might do more harm than good. Maybe ...we can slowly leak people out a bit at a time and closely monitor? Or maybe we just have to wait until we have the antivirals and vaccines to fall back on?
Anyway, let's not be in a hurry to get out too soon.
Don't let it in
Of course, I am not just talking about not letting the actual virus into our physical homes but also not letting the fear, anxiety, frustration related to the virus into the home the Self offers us. (check out the video below).
We can make a home refuge within our minds... a place that is spacious and inviting, still and quiet. We do not need to overload our minds with COVID-19 news. We can close the mental window on that for most of the day. If you feel inclined to...open it up once a day.
I myself do not listen to the news ( I didn't before COVID and I don't now.) Surprisingly, I still know what is going on in the world around me. I don't do social media anymore nor do I have my phone with me much of the time. I don't actively seek the news. It comes to me when it is necessary. I will check in with others who know once every 2-3 days to find out what is going on. Sometimes people will fill me in, in our conversations without my request. I get all the news I need about this pandemic and for the rest of my time I do not dwell on it.
I follow protocol. I teach others. I have "rules" in my house that I enforce so the virus does not come in, and so that others do not take it out if by chance it does enter. I meditate and pray for all those suffering because of it once or twice a day. But I I do not spend much of my mental energy on COVID-19 . I do not let COVID-19 in. I keep my refuge as pure as I can.
How?
By doing as the above quote suggests. I go inside. I find the imperturbable spaciousness inside and I relax in that. My mind shuts the windows that lead outside and relaxes in that space as well.
Works for me and I am confident it will work for you. We might not be able to go outside for a while. Let's all try going inside instead.
All is well
Plum Village ( March 27, 2020)Be a Home For Yourself/ Br Ngo Khong https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jveH-VUC8po
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