Our true self remains deeply hidden, incognito, submerged beneath a web of mistaken identities.
Stephen Cope
Exposing the True Self requires getting rid of the false ones.
Yesterday I wrote about standing in a basement of a house recently destroyed. When the walls and upper floors came down the messy basement was exposed, the insects hidden in the dark corners emerged and they were angry. The basement represents the stored consciousness of our psyche...well "my" psyche. (I used a lot of "me" "my" and "mine" yesterday in this analogy but it is a very universal experience as humanity goes deeper). The insects (Singer refers to them as cockroaches, I am more familiar with spiders) represent the damaging core beliefs I encouraged to hide in dark corners. I stuffed them away so well...I completely forgot about them and they were happy to hide. They were not too happy to have the light of conscious awareness on them. They came out fast and they bit hard.
Few things are as ugly and disturbing to the mind's eye as a partially destroyed house clinging to the remnants of its interior and frame,exposing what was hidden in the basement. About ten years ago, D.'s house got burnt partially down as a causality to some "drug war" that went on. (Yeah, even in these rural parts such things happen, and my stepson was caught up in it.). On a beautiful piece of once peaceful property, what was left of the house stood for many years. Tattered and blackened from the fire it gradually became smaller and smaller as the wind and rain washed pieces of it away and as scavengers pulled the salvageable from it bit by bit. It was such an eye sore. I kept saying to D...."Just tear it down!!! Bull doze it!! Put it out of its misery and let it die so something else can be reborn there."
For so, so many reasons, reasons he didn't even understand, it was hard for him to do that.
Well...now it is finally gone, all but the basement foundation. The land around it seems to be sighing in relief. My stepson is sober and straight now, by the way, happy and well in his new family. The ghosts and echoes of that time seem to have been carried away from that property by the winds of change. Still, it was that house I visualized at the funeral and that I wrote about yesterday.
I imagined being that broken, open, exposed, and ugly to others as I walked up to get communion. (My catholic conditioning was telling me I had no right to take communion because I hadn't gone to confession in way too many years and therefore wasn't "clean" enough. But my deeper Self was saying, "God really doesn't care".) I was so acutely aware of those now exposed and displaced core beliefs scurrying around and biting into my flesh. I felt singed and burned by Tapas; stripped of so much that once made me "me". When I compared myself to the sturdy and pleasant looking houses around me, I felt very broken.
At the same time, I knew that the fire was necessary; that the destruction of this shell I wore around this human and called "me" was a part of my growth. It had to go. Though the psyche that still remains is self-conscious from time to time, the "I" within is always Self-conscious. :) That day, as I often am, I was caught between experiencing both the 'self' and the 'Self'. There I was grabbing at the charred black tar paper flapping in the wind trying to wrap it around me in some semi-presentable way; and at the same time embracing the "falling a part" process. I was looking forward to the bulldozer rolling over the rest of this "me" to get it out of the way.
It was a very strange experience and the more I awaken, the more I have these strange visualizations and experiences. As ugly and painful as it all may be...I know it is healing. I know I am healing. In fact, the more "I am" can stand free from the shell that once encapsulated it, the better off I will be. The better off we all will be.
All is well in my world.
Michael Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( May 6, 2025) You Are Not Broken-You Are Just Full of Unreleased Energy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85m62GENSXU&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=2
No comments:
Post a Comment