From Individual Embarrassment to Collective Shame

 

We are often afraid of looking at our shadow because we want to avoid the shame or embarrassment that comes along with admitting mistakes.

Marianne Williamson

Big, long ramble yesterday...big, long 'contemplation'  because I was trying to make sense of what I was thinking and feeling.  I was trying to distract from the feeling of it through thinking. Simply put...I was super embarrassed over the possibilities of what I said and did under sedation (I have this strong gut feeling that I got 'weird' lol and as I have expressed before 'weird' is a trigger for me. I also fear I might have offended others)...but I couldn't leave it at simple. My mind needed to "explain" it...analyze it...look deeply into it...rationalize it all in an attempt to minimize the 'feeling' of it. 

Embarrassment is an uncomfortable experience. As social animals needing to belong to a pack for safety and security reasons, as well as having a need for love and belonging, (Maslow), we often fear, not being accepted by the pack or outright 'rejected' by doing something that goes against the norm. It surprises me after all my practice that this fear is still so prevalent in this human I call me. 

Though I feel myself less and less concerned about maintaining the good opinion of others, I still fear coming off as "weird". The conditioning is still there. For that reason, I don't like not being in control of my faculties and behaviours in front of others. The fact that I am worried must mean I have spent way too much time and energy trying to hold an image or persona together and have things inside I may have even hidden from myself that I fear will come out. Many of us want to maintain that control don't we, to keep our personas intact for protective purposes. This requires a great deal of focus and effort. One of the reasons, I suppose, why we get so egoic and self-focused at the expense of everything else around us.

Sometimes we can put things into perspective by widening our lens and expanding our view-point. 

Here, I was focusing so narrowly on my embarrassment, writing big, long spiels to rationalize and minimize the discomfort for this "little me", when bombs were being sent back and forth between Israel and Iran. Whatever I might have said or done in those few moments I wasn't in control of my person (less than a blink of an eye in eternity) is nothing (just hope I never hurt or offended anyone else) compared to the actions the USA/Israel took, in another blink of an eye. The consequences of those actions will go well beyond " potential social rejection" and a bit of embarrassment, won't they? 

So, we see the consequences of a little ego in this human I call me- a few days of obsessive worry and embarassment as it tries to explain itself. And we await the consequences of a collective ego that spent centuries trying to maintain an image of itself as being powerful and in control. What will those consequences be?- a few months to years of war? Is that collective ego obsessing and worried about what they might have done as they rationalize and explain? Are they embarrassed too? Or are they utterly ashamed for their "social deviance" and the way they have hurt the global social pack?

I must remember not to "judge" ...I must remember it is all just human behaviour playing out on some stage. I have to look past it all to God.

If one millionth part of the men and women who live in this world simply sit down and for a minute say, "You are all God, O ye men and O ye animals and living beings, you are all manifestations of the one living Deity!" the whole world will be changed in half an hour.

 Hmm! How I ramble?

All is well.