There is nothing out there that can fix what it is wrong in here....
I heard this from Michael A. Singer today and it reminded me of the so called decision I feel I have to make. I feel like I am in desperate need for external change.
I have been getting really, really good at accepting what is and allowing Life to make most of the decisions for me. I am really nolonger that attached to outcome...
but...
Once again here I am wondering what major changes I can make in my life to make me feel better in here. So convinced am I that it is the external varibles causing this so called "overwhelming sense of suffering". Don't get me wrong...things are tough: from what my body is doing from literally the feet to the head...to the day to day stressors that hit me...big ones...that I can't seem to get a moment's repreive from...my future is not so bright that I have to wear shades lol...sorry Cory Hart. External circumstances are not appealling to my physical, energetic, or mental body. I feel almost crushed by these circumstances at times and I fear what will happen to this human I call me if she/I stay where I am allowing all these things pile on top of her/me. ...So that leads me to this idea that I have to make changes soon.
How true is that idea?
At the same time I see the heaviness of these external situations, I have to ask these questions: Is my desire or need to make change a form of resistance? Will change fix what is really broken or will it just distract me from it? Is it my life circumstances that are the true problem or is it something in me that is the root of the problem?
Of course, it is something in me that is the real problem, it is the attachment to this idea of me that is the problem. I know life events are just triggering my samskaras and stirring them up...causing more than a bit of burning (tapas). Because of my practice these samskaras are all coming up, it seems, at once.
Celebrate when the stored energy starts to come up...
That is not so easy to do. It feels absolutely terrible. So bad that my human self just automatically goes into resistance mode seeking a way "to make it stop!" It is programmed to search "out there" for the solutions.
At the same time I am in the agitation cycle of the cleaning process-samskaras are coming up for me to deal with and release...Life is throwing one circumstance at me after another to possibly stir up and speed up the process. I am being hit with the pain of the samskaras at the same time I am hit with the pain of the life events happening right now. Feels like I am being punched from inside and outside at the same time.
The very stuff you think is terrible some one else thinks is wonderful
Wonderful? This isn't fun!!!lol I can tell myself, "This is a wonderful thing...Life is just trying to clean me out faster..." but I don't always believe it. I find myself believing I need to make external world changes to survive. It is like I keep returning to the default browser my human mind is set on.
I know...I know...I know. The first thing to do is remind myself of my Life mission. My Life mission is not to have an easy, pain free life...it is to purify. It is to stop stuffing and storing and to allow all the stuffed and stored stuff to come out. I am trying to clear the way for an unimpeded shakti flow. I, therefore, have to be willing to "feel" and "experience" the pain of what I stored and is now being released.
I need to relax...into the samskara release and into what Life is giving me. That is the second thing I need to do. Relax and allow.
Then, thirdly, I can make external world changes if I need to from a calm inspired mind. Life is going to make a lot of these decisions for me anyway. I don't have to decide to lose the house...lol...it will go if I don't pay the mortgage. But...with a relaxed allowance of what is...I can make decisions on how I lose the house and to whom.
Letting go of that which we have no control is the most healing thing we can do. We need to remember that whatever comes up from our storage cellars and whatever Life throws at us cannot hurt us. It is just energy, like wind, blowing through or by.
These energies can't hurt you if you let them pass...if you hold on, however, they become turbulent energies...trapped energy inside you.
Suffering comes when we refuse to let Life be Life, when we don't let the wind pass through or by, when we resist the emergence of our painful samskaras or resist what Life gives us.
You do not need to suffer...
We can be cleasned and free.
All is well.
Michael Singer ( June 5,2025) You are Not Broken-You're just full of unreleased energy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85m62GENSXU&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1
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