"Do I protect or release? Is this worth protecting?"
Michael A. Singer
Those are the ultimate questions to ask ourselves when we suddenly feel our samskaras being triggered by external world events, like for example, some criticism we may be hearing from others. Before we react...we need to settle into that pause between the stimulus ( the remark ..."You are so weird! or ...so mean!" or whatever) and the response: the usual conditioned reaction tendency of "How dare you! I am not mean...you are!" In that pause that so often goes unnoticed, making it seem we slip into our conditioned reactions instantaneously...a lot is going on. As wanna-be- yogis we need to explore that pause.
Say what crazy lady?
Well, as soon as the remark hits you, do what I have often told my nursing students to do before responding to a crisis: Stop and pursue the 3 B's: Take a step Back (distance yourself from what is happening just enough so you can observe it carefully and objectively), Breathe (so you can calm down enough to activate that wiser part of yourself), and Begin again ( once you are at least a little more relaxed and ready to practice non reactivity).
Use the skill of observation to extend the pause as you observe what is going on inside you after the remark lands on one of your tender spots. (And you know that is what is happening, right? It isn't so much what was said or done but what was triggered inside: a tender, unresolved wounding that you stuffed and that was festering inside you possibly for all your life keeping your mind busy protecting it...that bothered you. The problem is that you have a mess inside and it is constantly getting poked by Life!)
After a remark or unfavorable life event, you more than likely want to protect "me" with all its tender spots. That desire to defend and protect is where most of our reactive tendencies come from but instead of sliding right into that reaction...extend the pause from stimuli to response. In that pause, observe the mess inside you unravelling because of the trigger.
Observe how the body is tensing up: maybe you are feeling a rush of heat to your face; maybe there is a knot in your gut, some tension in the lower back, jaw or shoulders; maybe the iliopsoas is contracting making you curl forward in an instinctive desire to protect your vital organs; maybe you are trembling and your fingers are curling up into little fists; maybe your heart is racing or you are finding it hard to breathe. Observe what the body is doing as the fight or flight response gets activated.
Observe what thoughts are going on in your head...(before they become words that come from your mouth). The more you practice this, the reactive thoughts will give way to what is beneath them...some deep seated core belief about your worthiness possibly. Memories that led to that original core belief, that original wounding may surface.
Observe the feelings as they emerge. So much energy coming to the surface ...anger? hurt? Observe the mind wanting you to do what you have always done: push back, run, hide again from these feelings. Notice the desire to want to push it all back down.
Don't!
Just step mentally back a bit farther, breathe again if you have to...relax as much as you can. Observe what is going on inside from that slight mental distance you created and with the clarity you established with breath. Just allow it all to come up, all to happen as you simply watch it as if watching some play you paid to see. Take the "personal" out of it because it whatever happens "out there" really isn't personal! Stay objective! Then, when you feel yourself as the objective Observer and not the actor in the play, watching your form be the random recipient of someone else's unconscious triggering ...respond with inspired action, instead of that conditioned reactivity.
Maybe you will feel inspired to assertively express how you feel; maybe you will be inspired to simply smile and walk away; or possibly you will be inspired do nothing until the other person walks away. All the while you are letting all that so wants to come up to come up and you release it all. It is not about the other person and what they did or didn't do. It isn't about what Life is doing...it is all about the mess inside of you. You need that stuff out of you. So allow these outer world triggers to bring it all up and out.
When you do this you are making the conscious choice to release rather than defend because what you are defending and protecting is not worth defending and protecting. This "me" you are so conditioned to protect, is really nothing but an idea. Let it go. Let it all go.
All is well in my world.
Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( October 1, 2023) Ceasing to Protect Yourself from Life. https://tou.org/talks/
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