Karma yoga is not about being busy. It is not about being in constant doer mode. It is instead, about being involved in the kind of activity that frees you, about performing the kind of action that leads you to your own higher nature, toward your freedom.
Sadhguru, page 111
I just finished with my review and study of Chapter 6 of Sadhguru's book, Karma: A Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Own Destiny. I, ironically, do so at a time I find myself questioning what I should be doing to make a living and what I should be doing to serve, in a way that burns off, rather than accumulates, more karma. I guess I am looking for my mission in Life...my karma yoga.
What woke me up, like a glass of cold water in the face, was this statement:
People are always looking for their mission in life. What they never realize is that this is a way you build your karma! page 120
Yikes! I want to burn off karma not add more.
It is a little disheartening to think that my seeking to determine what it is I "should" do with the rest of my life, how I "should" best serve others, is actually adding karma to my overfilled karma collector, not helping to empty it. I spend so much time questioning "Am I wasting my time here in my practice, studying what I study, writing what I write, sharing and speaking...when there is no fruit I can see growing from my actions? Should I do more "out there" to serve the community while I make an income?"
The Outside Job
I took on this little side job supplying thinking that it would do just that but when I do it, it takes me away from this thing that I do here everyday, my sadhana, this committed and involved action that offers no obvious benefits. A day of work outside tires me out so much I cannot practice yoga for days after. And it leads me back to old ego ways of living I thought I left behind. I get caught up in the busy doing. I move faster. I talk faster (and that says a lot becasue I talk fast!)I am more anxious and reactive.
I find myself debating whether or not that is a good thing or a bad thing in terms of karma yoga?
The "out there" job has many benefits...many fruit. It keeps me busy, it keeps me productive in the socially approved way. It feeds my ego a bit by feeding the self-image in me that is associated with classrooms and education. It gives me a much needed income, as well. I receive much more positive opinion from others for taking on this role, than I do for taking on the role of a yogi. Let me tell ya! Much more! I am also much more likely to receive a thumbs up from society for this than I would get for committing full time to my practice, inside. And a big part of me still craves a bit of social recognition and redemption for the fall I took from social graces a few years back when I got ill and decided to leave the workforce, leading to a lack of socially expected productivity. Part of me wants to "make up for that". (Obviously, that part is my ego!) And I like action. I like activity. So this action bears a lot of obvious fruit. I am not sure, though, if the fruit I am picking is healthy for the deeper part of me.
Healthy Fruit?
Karma yoga reminds us that action is never a problem. It is the expectation of the fruit of the action that causes the suffering. If you simply enjoy what you do and work at it wholeheartedly, there is no question of suffering at all. page 122
What I am doing is not a problem. The reasons why I am doing it might be. I mean I give 100 % when I am there and though I do not love it, I do enjoy it. I approach the work whole bodily...if not wholeheartedly. I think, however, that I may be in it more for the fruit than for the joy of performing this action.
If all those benefits were not there, would we still work with the same intensity and involvement? page 121
No...I probably wouldn't.
Duty?
I feel this sense of social pressure, of duty to be out there earning an income and doing what is socially expected of me. My ego longs to redeem itself in that way. That is partly the volition behind this action,
....there should be no such thing as duty in the world
Serving?
Am I serving in a meaningful way? Not really. When I applied for this role last year, there was an obvious need out there. That need has diminished greatly. The opportunities are quite limited right now. Even when I take a call, I know there are many others out there who are competing for the same spot I may take and some who are even contesting my being there because they feel that I, and others like me, are taking the work from those who deserve it more. I am not needed. Besides:
Mere service is not karma yoga. Karma yoga has nothing to do with what type of action you perform, but rather how you do it. page 111
How You Do It
How am I doing it? I think ego is in charge when I am out there and I am not so happy about that. It is ego and concern about other opinion that runs the show. I keep trying to come through ego and I often succeed but I keep slipping back into ego ways. I am personally involved when I do not want it to be about "me."
Personally Involved?
When Sadhguru gets asked about what his mission in life is he responds with "Nothing. I am just fooling around," meaning that he is not personally involved in or attached to any of his actions. He is actively and whole heartedly involved in what he does but not to the fruits of his actions. It is not so much what he does, but how he does it. I would love to approach everything I do in life in that way.
Completely Aware?
I am not aware enough. I am worried about the awareness part...it is so hard to keep everyone I am standing in front of in my head, to get their names straight, let alone be responsible for them. My awareness has to spread out and it leaves me uncomfortable. I am unable to maintain the certain presence and awareness that I am comfortable with.
Abandoning?
You are willing to just give up everything that you consider to be yourself page, 118
As far as abandonment...I would love nothing more than to leave "me" behind...to abandon it completely but I don't in this role. It seems to be a role for "me" rather than a role for abandoning "me".
Desisting?
I don't love this job and for so long I was telling myself that was a good thing. That this little job may help to scrape the rest of "me" off but when I read the below line I start to think I should not be doing this?
If you have love for something, you do it; if you have no love, it is simply better to desist from action. 113
Wow! I don't know. It looks like Life might be taking care of this one for me. There are less calls now that others are contesting, I haven't a vehicle...need to depend on getting on at school close to where D. is going which is not always possible , and I am not sure if my body can keep up with the pace. Hmm!
Now the action will happen by itself; it will also dissolve and melt away by itself. You do not have to stop working to be liberated from action; it will happen anyway.
The Inside Job
What about this inside job I have been committed to everyday as part of my practice. Does it classify as karma yoga?
If you perform action joyfully and effortlessly, it is karma yoga. 111
Joyfully and Effortlessly?
Today, alone, I spent more time studying, learning, assimilating, and writing on this topic than I would have spent on the outside job. And I gave it a 100 percent of wholehearted effort. I was joyfully and completely immersed. I am always completely immersed in this learning and the teaching comes as an afterthought. It feels so effortless.
Serving?
I am not sure what type of service I am providing. "I" think taking part in a practice of waking up is the most important thing we can do as human beings...but not many others may feel that way. Not many others notice or value what I am trying to do here. I just want to share what waking up feels like so others can do the same. I see it as a very important service even if others don't.
Sacrificing?
Giving up something for something else is commerce; giving up something for nothing is sacrifice. 126
I am not giving up my time for something else...there is no pay here like there is in the other job. No money is making its way to me. And though I am aware of the : no work, no food axiom Sadhguru shares in his book, I want to believe this, what I do here is a karma- freeing sacrifice...one that will help dispel karma, though that is not why I do it.
Attached to Outcome, to Fruits of Action?
Obviously not. There is no pay, little to no recognition. There is no obvious fruit emerging from these branches. Yet, I still do it. It is still the most important part of my day.
As a yagna your very life process is an offering...when your life becomes a yagna, thousands of people can reap its benefits. page 127
Natural?
Only if there is a natural sense of offering can karma be elevating for the doer page 114
This learning, writing, sharing, teaching seems like the most natural offering I could give to anyone even if there are no external reward for me. My reward is all intrinsic...following my natural compulsion.
Aware?
I am completely aware and present asI do this here. In fact, presence and awareness is what I m studying and writing about. lol
Abandonment?
My whole practice is a committed intention to leave myself behind so yeah I am abandoning while I am here.
After this reflection I think it is pretty obvious which action is one of karma yoga, which one frees me and honors my higher nature. It is not that I have to give the other up. Like I said Life seems to be taking care of that all by itself. I just need to continue to prioritizing my sadhana and do my best to bring the energy of what I do here into all other actions.
Karma has to be worked out, but engaging with action with great involvement and intensity, without caring a hoot for it, is the most effective way to work your karma out. page 126
All is well.
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