You know that a good long weeping session can make you feel better even if your circumstances have not changed a bit.
Lemony Snicket
I am so overwhelmed! I snuck out here before everyone woke up for a good cry. I even sent out a text to my family explaining why I might not be able to make my scheduled visit to see my sister today. I told them things they probably didn't need to hear about what transpired in the last few days. My daughter's wisdom teeth extraction turned into a post operative infection that a round of IV antibiotics is not fixing. The swelling is all the way down to her chest and up around her eyes. This is serious! We spent the day...well she spent the day yesterday... while I looked after the baby...trying to contact providers for help and assistance...every avenue was closed for some reason...she left messages for the dental surgeon for emergency consult and they never got back to us, evist was full to capacity, night clinic bookings full to capacity, the dentist she normally sees here was closed for the afternoon. It was so frustrating! As much as she hated to the only option was emergency and they diagnosed the postop infection and gave her a round of IV meds. Waiting for the pharmacy to open here before we can fill the script. She woke up this morning with more swelling. I think it has to be opened and drained. There is infection under the sutures. Worried ( and I said yesterday I don't want to worry or hope) about what this could lead to if not treated effectively. It is getting worse. Man. Then I get a text from my other daughter, who is not doing well on a good day, and she was told that her relationship was over with the person she was with for 14 years. I was expecting it but not "now". Then, this morning she calls me to tell me a friend, she often spoke about to me, was killed in a car accident last night. So, so sad! Oh man...all this when I am so tired I can't think straight. I can't see the sun. That is what it comes down to: What has this"me" that feels so beaten down by the influx of circumstances have to give these people in need. This "me" is presently feeling burdened, resentful, frustrated, overwhelmed on top of feeling the pain of others. I want to help, I do, but "me" is just pooped out. I am soooo burnt out. I can't seem to get a moment's break...just long enough so I can catch my breath, get centered again, feel that positive lift like I did yesterday (the sun under the clouds),( yesterday's lift lasted for all of 2 hours maybe before it started to pour down on "me" again). (As if all these circumstances are just there to target "me" lol) Anyway...it is what it is. I got a few minutes of "cry time" before the others woke up and I had to deal again. Sigh. I want to say, "but it wasn't enough!" Oh well...I guess I did say it. It is what it is. I can only deal with what is directly in front of me...one at a time....regardless how pooped little me may feel. The "I" can deal...the "I am " never gets tired, does it? "Me", like always is just in the way. Sigh!
All is well
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