We all need pathways of self-compassion in response to imperfection. We all need ways and we all need to help each other to realize that these difficult waves we experience are not our fault. And if we trust the goodness we can actually become the being we want to be.
Tara Brach, Healing Shame: A Guided Meditation with Tara Brach
It is only our outer coverings that are imperfect. And we as the consciousness that is staring at this outer covering and identifying it as us and therefore identifying the imperfection on it as us, are perfect. Hmm!
We Are The Light
We, who we really are, are consciousness. Consciousness is the light that shines on an object. The object we are, too often, shining on is our outer surface, which is nothing more than a self-created covering over all that is. We are staring at it so hard and so intently, narrowing our focus to it, so much so that we do not see all that is around it, all that is behind it. We think we are it. (Michael Singer, 2023)
Focusing on the Reflection of the Mind
We, like Narcissus did, are shining down and illuminating one tiny reflection of who we think we are in a vast lake and we are so consumed by it we cannot take our eyes off it to see that it is nothing more than a mere reflection. We see it as everything. And of course, the more light we shine on it, unlike Narcissus, the more imperfections we are going to see. We may beat ourselves up for each imperfection that we notice, feeling responsible and guilty for them. That is when we may feel shame samskaras rising from the depths to the surface. The dreadful shame experience then becomes the focus of attention pulling us down into this image until we are completely lost in our inadequacy. When we focus on this cringing feeling of shame , we begin to see ourselves as "shameful", inadequate, wrong, bad etc.
Self Compassion When We Feel Ashamed
I am not sure who said this, but I heard that self-compassion was the antidote to shame. In the below linked guided meditation from Tara Brach, we are asked to show self compassion for our imperfections and are reminded that we are not at fault for them, not to be blamed, and there is no need for self-punishment when we see our imperfections. What is needed is compassion for every blemish we notice on this outer surface we call "me". Being human is tough! As Alexander Pope said, To err is human..." There is so much "out there" beyond our control, that will mark us and bruise and scar our outer surfaces. We have been molded and conditioned by all our past experiences to act a certain way, to react, to relate, and to make choices in order to survive. We make mistakes in our natural inclination to exist and keep existing! We naturally suffer from the consequences of our choices. We do not have to hurt ourselves more with self-hate and shame. We need to, instead, interject kindness when we catch ourselves responding or reacting to blemishes on our surface covering.
Trusting the Goodness
Most importantly, we have to trust the goodness. What goodness? The goodness of who we really are beneath this surface covering we are so focused on. We are light. We are consciousness. We are all that which is looking down at this imperfect reflection. We are not the reflection, not the object of observation...we are that which is looking. This light is pure and perfect, untainted by any of our human errors. We are consciousness. Michael Singer reminds us, in the linked talk below, that the light that is shining did not do anything wrong, it is just shining on something that did. It, does not get dirty or blemished just because it is looking down on something that appears a bit dirty or blemished for whatever reason. This light of consciousness is pure and it will stay pure.
Focusing On What Doesn't Matter; On What Causes Suffering
The problem is we use this wonderful light to shine down on things that don't matter. We then identify with what it is shining on. We use it to shine down on the reflection of "me" creating a spotlight around it. So focused is it, we cannot see all the gifts of Life we were given to experience outside that spotlight. A character emerges in the focused light and we call it "me" and it becomes our everything. If an imperfection shows up on or around this "me" we freak...saying it shouldn't be; it is wrong, bad and so are we for having it. We increase our suffering ten fold and so unnecessarily when we react in this way. Shame can be merciless and it doesn't have to be. We can remind ourselves of what we too often forget when we are in the throws of it. We forget that we are not this little mind created entity with all its problems and imperfections. We are the light that is shining on it, observing it, witnessing it, and super-focused on it. We are the light, not the object dancing around like a chicken with its head cut off in that light. If we are the light, we can, therefore, decide where we shine.
Refocusing the Light
Yes, self compassion is so crucial in dealing with shame and other emotional energies when they emerge upon noticing imperfections on these "me" coverings...but more important, is the need to refocus the light. We can start by dimming it some, so we are not so focused on the blemishes and imperfections on this "me" ( self compassion can help us do that). Then we slowly open up our focus, spreading it farther and farther until we can barely see the "me" at all amongst all the other things we are noticing. We then open up the light of consciousness, our awareness and attention, to all we have been failing to see when we were in spotlight mode. We use the light to experience Life fully and completely. We can use it, Singer reminds us, not for freedom for the self, but for freedom from the self. Freeing the Self from self is the most compassionate thing we can do. We can become the beings we want to be!
Anyway, how I ramble.
All is well in my world.
Tara Brach (2021?) Healing Shame: A Guided Meditation with Tara Brach. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlyuGSwaZQ8
Michael A. Singer/Temple of the Universe ( 2023) I am One With Thee. https://tou.org/talks/
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