"Precious"

It's mine, I tell you.  My own. My precious.  Yes, my precious.
JR Tolkien , Lord of the Rings

The word "precious'' has been stuck in my head since my waking last night.  I don't know why but  I can't seem to get rid of it.  It was kind of pulling me here too.  I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do with it. If it was to be the muse to  a poem I was supposed to write or was I supposed use it  to get into a topic on clinging???  I just have to share, I guess, that it is in my head.

All I know, is that the word is somehow symbolic  to what I am experiencing right now...it  connects  me to my health seeking.  I sense...do not know...but sense that it is a word that would have great significance to someone I encountered during the process. This someone, I perceive( possibly erroneously) has an agenda that differs from my desire to get to the end of my health seeking  as quickly as possible. The ego of another, therefore, seems to be in the way of what I am looking for. And when I close my eyes,  I can see the individual standing there before me with a golden ring  tucked and hidden away in a closed hand.  It is a ring I want!

Then I think, "OMG...The Lord of the Rings."

I read the trilogy when I was in my teens and I absolutely adored the books and the beautiful imagery and wisdom within them. I seen the first movie and was very impressed but I still prefer the books. My bad. I didn't become a devote follower.

So ...I am not sure why that word has been haunting me and why I have this persistent image of this person in my head when I close my eyes.  I am  not saying this individual, I see holding the ring, is a Gollum any more than I can say I am a Gollum.  Truth is, Gollum represents all of us, doesn't he, in Tolkien's description? 

We all have the tendency to get blinded by ego and to cling to things we feel we need to have to be complete.  When we attach the word "My" and "Mine" to something we all have the potential to become lost, putting all our energy into defending and attacking for this thing, whatever it may be: a material possession, money, a person we have a relationship with, a role or title, a responsibility, power, resources, reputation, body, image,  a belief system or opinion.  We cling so possessively because we fear we will be nothing without this "thing".  We put all our energy into protecting, defending and attacking in order to keep this thing close to us. We can become crazily obsessed, can't we...not seeing how this thing is destroying us rather than giving us any semblance of joy or peace?

"My precious!" haunts me probably for no more reason than I am sleep deprived in a body experiencing pain.  :) I know I am as cranky as h#$% too.  :)

I may never  know for sure why, when I close my eyes and still myself,  I see this person standing over me holding this ring in a clasped hand as I am told I do not need any more of " their"  tests because it is  all just normal tissue. Behind the individual  is the  MRI image that I didn't get to see during my appointment as I was told I would. In my vision, it is anything but normal.

This is just my imagination, I know.  My vision could be no more than an ego creation used to keep me fearful and distrustful, trapped in an an idea of being vulnerable and separated, away from Truth and away from Self and away from the reality where none of us can harm or  be harmed.

What we all fail to see is that what we often  cling to so tightly is just a ring...a thing that holds no more power than the thoughts we place upon it. Reaching for it, hiding it away  or refusing to share it ...serves no body, least of all Self.  Peace only comes when we break the spell and let go of the need for the ring in the first place.

All is well