All About "Me"?

What is thine is mine, and all mine is thine.
Marcus Tullius Cicero


I am sure you do not want to keep hearing about my silly life dilemmas nor do I want to keep rambling on about them. 

Well that is somewhat of a lie...Truth is, ego likes when I create written story from my circumstances.  It loves it when I paint myself into a tragic heroine with a few twisted adjectives.  And, sigh, ego still gets behind the wheel of my psyche more times than I like. But the Self I so want to listen to... knows better and wants more from my experience of Life than a story in my head. At the same time, it reminds me that my function here is to use words and stories to communicate a greater learning.

So...anywaaaay...I want to explain why, you hear so much about my physical and  emotional experiences from Self's perspective.

Giving Birth

 I write my story here because it tells me to( figuratively, not literally).  I feel the labor pains and they only get worse and more demanding until I deliver what is calling to be delivered. Ever try stopping a woman from delivering a baby at nine months? Doesn't work. Nature is the driving force and we must obey her demands.

Writing is as natural to me as giving birth.  My body and mind absorb all the emotion and images of my life and allow them to grow in the center of my being for a gestational period  until they are ready to come out.  All emotional energy is meant for external release.  At my proverbial nine months I need Something to help me deliver and express. The  page is the midwife that catches all this energy  for me when the time comes.

Maternal Role/Teaching Role

My words are like my children...I do not own them, nor can I control how they come out of me and what they look like or are like....  just as I do not own or am able to determine the appearance of the actual children I gave birth to. They just come from me for a much greater purpose than being "My" children or "my" words or "my" story! There really is no need for "my" anything is there?   What I give birth to are expressions of Something/No-thing so much greater than the little me, I call myself. It really isn't about me at all?

Say what crazy lady? You certainly seemed to have a lot of whiny  "me-me-me" in your entries.

Yes ...I know.  I don't intend to but the "me" comes out as it is meant to.  I sit here to teach "others" and when I look down after a few moments I see the page riddled with "I"s and "me"s.  It's like "WTF(front)?   I recall, then, this wonderful truth from A Course : we must teach as we learn, and we learn as we teach.  We need to clarify our own ideas and strengthen them by teaching them. A good teacher clarifies his own ideas and strengthens them by teaching them. Teacher and pupil are alike in the learning process. ACIM-T-4:I:1:1-2.  The greatest classroom is Life and as I learn the lessons through my particular life circumstances , albeit, not always clearly, I feel the need to share that learning so I cement it in my head as I attempt to open your eyes.

Mind does step in to help with the teaching and the learning. You see I recognize that my role here on the page is to be a vehicle for these words to come through and once through I do have a responsibility to feed them with my mind, clean them up, dress them up, teach them  and  discipline them to some degree. Otherwise,  these words would  scatter and scamper randomly and mischievously everywhere. They would not eventually serve the world in some way as they are meant to.  Isn't that what we do for all our children because we want them someday to make a difference?

Mine Gets Us to Thine

Writing comes from what we know.  It comes from some place deep inside us. It is a compulsion to express what is within that drives me.  Like a drug addict I have very little control over that compulsion...nor do I necessarily want to have control. I need to "express" verbally what I experience and think I know.  As long as I still think in terms of ego, there is going to be a lot of "I", "me", "my" and "mine" in my words and at this point not a whole lot of "Thine". 

But "Thine" is the ultimate goal. I use my mind which is still so ego centered to raise these verbal children.  My mind knows the goal is to connect to other minds like it.  It knows that  these "me" s are relatable ?  And will help to take me, and hopefully others, to the "Thine" of our experience here.

So yeah...I go on and on about my self  and sometimes it is purely ego motivated  and therefore somewhat self-destructive for that reason.  But even that is a positive use of words...If what I write eventually embarrasses "me", diminishes "me", cause "me"  to make a fool of "my"-self..."me" loses its significance and I become just that much closer to "Thine." Do I not?

So I will probably continue to relate what I learn back to my very little human experience.  Bear with me.

It is all good.