Holding the Frequency of Presence

It [consciousness practice]is always about falling asleep and waking up from your sleep."
-Eckhart Tolle

So I know I am going on and on about training the mind but I do see it as the answer for so many of our issues and so-called problems.  What is happening out there is seldom the cause of our "stress".  It is what our mind does with that information that causes us grief.

The most important thing in our lives, according to Tolle and many others (though different words or pointers may be used to make this point), is our state of consciousness right here, right now. Our ultimate goal is to stay awake but our intermediate and more realistic  goal is to wake up when we fall asleep. And we will fall asleep again and again. 

Unconsciousness

The untrained and easily distracted  mind will drag us into worry, complaint and drama.  It will pull us  into its snowball momentum and we will get lost in it.  It will tell us that whatever we got going on is more important than staying present and foolishly we will believe it as we are dragged along.  We will forget that we are  spacious presence and that the moment is the only Life we have.  This is where we slip into unconsciousness.

The Practice of Awakening

The practice, then,  involves waking up from sleep again and again until we stop losing consciousness all together.  It is not  just something we practice when we are seated for  meditation but something we practice every single hour of every single day.  We need to watch our minds constantly to observe when they are sliding down the Glascow Coma Scale. It is much easier to shake yourself awake  when you just begin to doze off, than it is to try to wake yourself up from deep unconsciousness.


Have an idea of how your mind works.

 Are you present?  Do you stay present(peaceful, calm, centered and clear) regardless of what is going on around you or "to" you?

How often do you feel stressed, irritable, depressed or annoyed during the day? Are you attracting into your life more of the same?

Do you chase after your thoughts and feelings like they were squirrels? If so, how often do you chase and what types of thoughts do you chase?

Do you find yourself reacting in defense and attack mode more so than responding with kindness to the behaviour of others or in the face of unfavorable life events? What triggers you to do so? What kinds of situations are you more likely to 'react unconsciously' to? What kind of people do you struggle to be peaceful around?

How often do you catch yourself straying and how easy is it to bring yourself back?  This will be the best marker for determining your learning and growth in this area. The more you are aware of your "thinking" and the less challenging it is for you to bring yourself back to the present moment, the closer you are to mastering the practice.

If you are still 'reacting' frequently, still feeling "upset" a lot, don't fret.  Don't attack yourself or struggle against your thinking and feeling.  Relax into the uncomfortable reminders and be grateful for the signs 'continued suffering' offer. Distress tells you that you are still unconscious or  falling asleep.  Use it as an alarm clock for waking yourself up.

The Classroom  is "out there"

The biggest part of the learning does not occur when you are on the meditation cushion, it occurs when you are out there dealing with Life and dealing with others.  Our relationships offer prime learning opportunity.We are going to find ourselves around people all the time.  Watch yourself as you are relating. 

How do you feel around this person or that person?  How does your body feel?  What are you thinking?

What is going on around you? How are the people around you feeling and behaving?  If you find yourself around  a number of angry people, there is a good chance you are angry.  If you find yourself around a group of peaceful people, there is a good chance you are feeling peaceful and centered, that you are present. 


Dealing with "Difficult"  People

Emotions, remember are energies. We are often drawn toward the same frequency that matches our own.  If you don't believe me, just observe it in your own life.  When you are feeling good and balanced, what kinds of people show up in your life?  When you are having a hell of a day and feeling miserable what kind of people and life events do you attract?


Who really "ticks you off"? What do they say or do that gets to you?  Why? What tender spots in you are they or their behaviour hitting?

Of Primary Importance

The point is that no matter what people or things are doing around you...:
What is of primary importance in every situation is the level of consciousness. Stay conscious.
(Eckhart Tolle)

Make staying awake more important than getting the last word, or sticking up for yourself, or being right, or putting him or her in their place. No matter how they are acting, no matter what terrible things they may be saying about you or someone you care for, no matter how "evil" and cruel they seem to be...the most important thing is to stay peaceful, to stay present.

Just remember that they are simply unconscious.  They have slipped away from who they really are too but who they really are is still there beneath the undesirable behaviour.  Remember that.

Also know that their egos and pain bodies may be trying real hard to lure you into the drama, into a reaction.  This is what unconscious minds  do. And your mind that has a tendency to like drama...the more negative the better...might be telling you to go for it...but don't. 

Take a step back, breathe and begin again (this is what I have taught my students as the 3 B's of responding) .  Don't suppress the emotion or a need for action if it is there.  Respond by all means, not from an egoic reactive state but from the calm, peaceful presence that will handle things much better than your reactive mind ever could.

So be aware of how your mind works.  Watch it carefully and learn to respond from presence when dealing with situations and others that seem to be "getting on your nerves."

Make staying conscious your priority.

Hold the frequency of presence no matter what.

If you can stay conscious...you will offer your calm centered presence to the world when it needs it most.

All is well.

Eckhart Tolle (2019) Awakening From Self Talk.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsB7f_pXu6I

"Thinking" net

The goal of meditation is not to get rid of your thoughts and emotions.  The goal is to become more AWARE of your thoughts and emotions and learn how to move through them without getting stuck.
-Dr. P. Goldin

I keep catching myself running off during meditation and mindfulness practice.  Then I catch myself catching myself running off.  It gets quite confusing lol. 

The Snowball Effect

When I do realize that I have run off, I do my best not to analyze what it was that led me off in the first place. I don't want to recall the details of it because I do not want to get lost in the snow ball momentum of the thought process again.  One small thought leads to another and another until I am caught in the middle of some humongous snowball that is rolling out of control.  This leads to one degree of feeling than another...or one degree of resisting and pushing against a feeling than another.

 The more negative the thought, the quicker that snowball rolls, don't you find? And there are so many different thoughts that lead in different directions...different feelings...different intensities...but they all seem to go downhill...fast!   :)

Catch Thoughts in a "Thinking"  Net

The trick is, I discovered,  to catch yourself before you get too far, before the momentum gets hard to break.  You just catch yourself thinking and bring self back. And  instead of doing what got us in this mess in the first place...analyzing, judging, deciphering, discriminating  our thoughts...we can just group them all under one big label: "Thinking!"

I just say "thinking" when I catch myself going off.  That is usually enough to stop the momentum long enough so I can coach my mind away from the object it was chasing and back to my breath.

Don't dwell on the object...just recognize yourself following it in the  mind and say "thinking".  "Oh look at me thinking again." 

Don't judge the thought, don't analyze it ( at least not while you are trying to return to center). Don't make one thought more worthy than another of your attention. Just recognize the activity of thinking...the running off...put it all in one big "Thinking" net...and come back to center.

Going Off and Coming Back Again and Again and Again.

 Sure your mind will go off again but simply learn to watch  yourself being pulled away and come back to center again.  That is all meditating does.  It trains us to be aware of our thoughts, aware that we are going off so we can pull ourselves back again and again and again. Being aware of "thinking" is the first part.

Staying At the Top of the Hill

Then once that is mastered, the trick is to stay at the top of the hill...of not allowing ourselves to run after the crazy nonsense our minds can spill. The trick is in realizing that we want to be the something that observes and watches, that catches us running off and coaches us back. 

We don't want to be the one that is constantly chasing after thoughts. We do not want to be caught up in the never ending snowball momentum. We accomplish this shift in our thinking when we become aware of awareness.  When we become observant of the observer.

Aware of Awareness

We begin by being aware we have run off and with more practice we eventually evolve into being aware of awareness itself.

It is being in that place of awareness that will prevent anymore snowy somersaults down hill. It is in  the being aware of awareness that  we will experience peace.

All is well in my world

Need a Rest? Stop Chasing! Meditate.

If you are able to do a little meditation daily, withdrawing this scattered mind on one object inside, it is very helpful.  The conceptuality that runs on thinking of good things, bad things, and so forth will get a rest.
-Dalai Lama

Chasing Squirrels

Be the silent watcher of your thoughts and behaviours.  You are beneath the thinker.  You are the stillness beneath the mental noise. You are the love and joy beneath the pain.
Eckhart Tolle

Watching The Mind

I am learning to observe my mind. 

I see that I still slip back into mind stuff all the time, even when I am sitting in meditation.  My mind will run off.  For a minute or two, (I am really not sure how long), I am lost somewhere in thinking, feeling, creating story and identification for the "little me". 

At first, I don't even know I am lost because I am so absorbed in that mind stuff.  Thought, feeling  activity is like  a captivating movie. I am pulled into the drama on the screen...becoming the character.    I forget that I am actually the one sitting on the seat in the large and spacious theatre.

I do this running after and getting lost in mental drama, many times throughout the day and I also do it when I am attempting to be mindful or meditate.

With  more practice, however, I am getting better. During quiet stillness,  I can see when I run off (usually after the fact) and I gently call myself back to my breath, just as a dog owner  will call a dog  back to her side if he strays too far away. Attention returns and I focus again. I focus on the breath going in and the breath going out.  I focus on my inner body sensations.  I focus on the quiet stillness as I  very, very gently release myself into the pauses between clouds of thought and breath.

When I am fairly centered again,  I will still see the thought activity, passing like clouds before me,  but I will  not feel the urge to follow all thoughts. My goal is not to stop this mental  activity. That, I know is beyond me. My goal is to stay with the breath of vacancy for as long as I can.

I am getting better at focusing my mind during seated meditation and mindfulness and even during daily activities. I usually, for the most part, can focus on breath, the moment, what is truly important and stay fairly centered.  That is  until a real demanding physical sensation, life circumstance or mental movement catches my attention and off I go after it. 

A Dog in Training

I am like a dog in training, I guess. I am learning to stay centered but am still unable to restrain myself from running after the noisiest squirrels that run before my mind's eye.  I need some mind training.  My training is not to stop the squirrels.  I have little control over them.  I must let them do what squirrels do.  I must let my thoughts do what thoughts do.

The biggest part of my training is to just be observant, to catch  myself running off and to calmly but firmly say "Come!"  When my mind returns to center, I need to make it "Sit!" and "Check me!"  so it stays focused on the "master" or the "trainer." I will go off and I will bring myself back...that is what this practice is really about.

Questions About Who is Training and who is Being Trained

That means then, that in my proverbial head, there is more than one person, more than one me, more than one self.  There is the me that needs to be trained and the  me that is doing the training. Who is the one that runs off and gets lost all the time?  And who is  one who stays centered?  Who is doing the training?  Who is the observer and who is observed?

"Little me" and Ego Mind

I am learning from all my studying and self inquiry that it is the ego part of me that needs training. It is the part of me that is much too identified with thinking and physical world "stuff".  It is the part of me that sees itself as a separate wave on a vast and mighty ocean, forgetting that it is the ocean.  It is the part of me that fears and does whatever it can to protect itself.  It is the part of me that gets me striving, doing incessantly, grasping, clinging, resisting because it doesn't feel whole and complete as it is.  It is the part of me that foolishly focuses attention "out there".  It is the part of me, then,  that makes me suffer. I will call it "little me".

Little me  is the "monkey mind" that controls most of our lives today.

Little me is the animal in our proverbial heads  constantly  running off and dragging the rest of us along.  Thoughts themselves are like squirrels the dog sees. Our minds will go off after them like they were tangible objects.

The Consequences of Running Off

The untrained dog will suffer the consequences of going after everything that runs before it just like we will suffer the consequences for going after our thoughts that run before our mind's eyes.   We will get stressed, and drained from the activity without ever truly catching what we go after.  Even if we do catch it, there will always be another squirrel or object or thought that grabs our attention...and off we go in another direction.

We won't find happiness through chasing.  Just the opposite. We could get reprimanded and in trouble from others for our unfavorable behaviours...suffering their wrath and social sanctions (relationship breakdowns etc) .We will be constantly running, striving, chasing and possibly defending and attacking "our territory" because of fear-based aggression, never catching what it is we think we are chasing.  Because we are not focused on what is happening in the moment, so focused on the object before us, we miss so much of Life and can even get hurt doing so ( how many dogs get got my cars when they chase after something?)

Most sadly, we can get lost if we chase too far away from home. We will forget who we really are and Where we came from. We then may become confused and disorientated, lost and lonely. We will long for that quiet home, we really never wanted to leave. 

Chasing after our thoughts, then,  is not the healthiest thing to do    We need to somehow train "little me", the mind...  to calmly walk beside us, instead of yanking and painfully pulling us along.

An Object to Be Observed

Little me is an object we  can observe in action.  

My mind  is actually an object. Hmmm!  It  observes and chases after other objects like  thoughts derived from observing "things" in the physical world with the  five senses and interpreting their meaning for me.  

There are soooo many thoughts, so many perceptions that it is easy to get lost in the thought chasing.

If we want to get back home and learn to stay there we need to realize that the mind that runs off  is being observed a  Subject.  It can be called back to training again and again by this observer. There is something observing.

Self or "I"

Then who is calling it back?  Who is the "master" , the "Alpha" training my mind? Who is the subject?  The Observer of my mind?

It isn't little me, the person "I think I am because I think". The thinking I have been doing has been getting me in trouble by  taking me away from the "Master". 

It isn't the character in that drama I keep getting lost in because the subject is pulling "me' back from that when it catches me straying...therefore it isn't the thoughts, the feelings and the memories I chase after.

It isn't the mind that is running off because "I" am watching the mind run off.

It cannot be both the one watching and the one being watched, can it?  It cannot be the one training and the one being trained, can it?

Who is the "I" that is watching the " me" run off?  Who is the "I" that is calling "me" back from mind activity to the peaceful center of home?

 I am going to call It, as the yogis do, for now...knowing that what we call It isn't important...Self. (Now the Buddhists would not use the word Self...in fact ...in Buddhist teaching there is just no-self.  But again it all has to do with getting lost  in concepts and naming...This trainer, this Observer, this subject is not an object.  When we refer to It with a name, be it  "Self"or "I"  we are objectifying It...if we objectify It...who is the subject  watching It?  )

No Distinction

Isn't it obvious, that this Self, no-self, thing that cannot be named, is something far greater than the mind, far wiser and much more benevolent? It would take something very Great to be patient in the observing and training of these wild, monkey minds most of us have. After all the mess we have made, all It asks is that we "Come!" "Sit!" and "Be Quiet!" so we can receive the Love that will stop us from wanting to run after anything.

When we get there to that place where our minds are calm and well trained... we will realize the ultimate truth, so the transcended write. We will realize  that there is no distinction between the trainer, the trained or the training after-all.  There is no distinction between the subject, the object or the observed.  And There is no distinction between knower, knowledge and known. (Vishnu-devananda, pg 9)

I have not reached that realization yet.  I am still chasing squirrels. :)

All is well!

Swami Vishnu-devananda (1988) The complete Illustrated Book of Yoga. New York: Three Rivers Press.

Receiving a Gift

I gave them a gift

I gave her a gift
and she cried out loud with happiness.
She jumped up and into my arms
and hugged me with all her might.
"You are the absolute greatest!", she said,
smiling from ear to ear.
She ran off excitedly to take selfies
she could snap chat to her friends.

I gave him a gift
and he smiled politely.
His voice was neutral,
 but pleasant when he said,
"Thank you.  That was very thoughtful of you."
He got up to hug me with as much squeeze
as he gave me when he said goodbye.
He put the gift gently to the side
and he continued to do what he was doing
as he smiled.

I took the gift away from her.
I pulled it from her reluctant hands
and she fell to her knees, crying out in pain,
"You can't.  It isn't fair.  I love it! I need it!"
I apologized as I put the gift
back in the bag it came in.
She watched with her tiny hands in fists
and her face red with heat,
"This is sooo cruel! You are the absolute worst.
I will never talk to you again!"
She stormed off to take selfies
she could snap chat to her friends.

I proceeded to take the gift from him
but before I could lift it from the table beside him, 
he passed it to me gently.
The smile was still on his face as I apologized.
"That's okay.  I understand", he said.
"Thanks again though, for your thoughtfulness."
He stood up and hugged me
with as much squeeze as he gave me
when he said good bye.
He went back to doing what he was doing
as he continued to smile.  

Dale-Lyn 2019

I wrote this little ditty  a few minutes ago when I was thinking about attachment to thoughts, things and ideas  and about equanimity.

Looking Out there for Happiness

So many of us are unconsciously lost in our "mind stuff", identifying our sense of self with past and future, what we can do and attain, what image of self we can create.  We honestly believe the thoughts that come storming through our heads and we lose ourselves in them.  Such thoughts tell us if we do this or that, get this or that, maintain this or that we will be happy.  We, therefore, look to the outside world for our happiness.  Our emotional health is  therefore dependent on "stuff."  A lot of that stuff is just ideology, story and nothing substantial and sustaining. Yet we perceive it to be so real!

The problem with seeking happiness (the ego's definition of happiness) is that this "stuff" we seek is temporary.  Just as quickly as it comes into our lives, it can be taken away. It may cause great "happiness" when we receive it and great pain when we lose it.  We  go through life fluctuating dramatically and often chaotically from one emotional extreme to another. Why? Because we erroneously assume that our sense of peace and joy and wellness is dependent on something "out there". Even though everything "out there" is constantly fluctuating and changing as well.

You can probably tell from the above description which of the receivers was practicing attachment and discrimination and which one was practicing equanimity.

Equanimity

We know we are practicing equanimity and non attachment by how we respond to external offerings, either they be from another in the form of a gift or from Life in the form of circumstance.  Our response to receiving and losing are pretty much the same when we have reached this state of non attachment.  Why?  Because we are not dependent on these things to make us happy.  In fact, at this stage we are looking for something much deeper than ego's conditional happiness.  We are looking for "joy". 

Joy, I believe, is the deep sense of peaceful neutrality and detachment that reminds us of our "aliveness".  It doesn't come from ego but from Spirit or presence. It comes with an acceptance and appreciation of Life and whatever it offers.  Therefore, it doesn't come and go like "happiness" does.  It just is.

When we can experience joy we have transcended the highs and lows of emotional fluctuation and our pendulum stays pretty much centered. Our life  is no longer a story with such extreme ups and downs that we need to dramatically share.  It is an experience of being alive. It is simple and real.

So if I gave you a "special" gift and then took it away, how would you respond?

All is well.

Using the Body and Mind

Yoga philosophy teaches that real man ...is not the body but merely occupies and uses the body as an instrument.
-Swami Vishnu-devananda , page 18

We can take this a little further and say we are not the body or the mind.  The mind is also a tool to help us navigate our way along the physical plane. This philosophy teaches that we are Being and are incarnated ( and subsequently reincarnated)  into bodies and minds as we progress spiritually.  The bodies and minds, as spiritual instruments,  give us an opportunity to experience Life and to express It as we evolve.

Do you find that a hard pill to swallow?

Many of us will choke a little on that,  especially if we were raised and conditioned in western culture. I am not asking you to believe in reincarnation.  I don't even know if I believe in it.  It is okay if you don't believe it and it is okay if you do.  I think we do, however, need to open up our minds to question the possibility of it. It would certainly explain and relieve a lot of suffering if it were true, would it not?

I think many of us are also getting, to some extent at least, that we are not our bodies and minds.  Whether we are here for one round or a hundred, we get that there is more to us than this physical form we are in, than this personality and mind stuff we identify with.  We are waking up enough to sense a presence beneath it all, a level of consciousness, a quiet observer, an awareness.

Some will call this spirit or soul, others presence or consciousness.  Does it really matter what we call it when it is so immense we can barely understand it with our conceptual minds? Why do we fight and argue over names and labels in defense of our "faiths" and belief systems?  Is it not just enough to know that there is something(which is really no-thing)    there behind it all watching and experiencing?

What does "re-incarnation" mean anyway? Are we getting hung up on another word?

Let's break the word down.  Re-in-carn-ate. "Re" of course, means again.  "In" means in and "carn" means flesh.  "Ate" means to cause to be. So the word basically means to become again in flesh. Or at least that is what the English/latin translation means. It is not so much the word we get hung up on but the prefix.  It is the "re" we have a hard time digesting.


Okay with Incarnate

We have no problem with "incarnate," do we?  We all agree that at some point we have been "incarnated." We all know that we come into flesh or are at least identified with flesh for a number of years. So we...something other than flesh are in flesh.  What is this something other than body and mind?  Being! We may argue what that "Being" is and from where it came but we know that something that was not flesh, "became into flesh". So we  are formless Being (coming from some invisible realm) breathed into a finite vehicle of flesh for so many years.

Reincarnating all the time

Eckhart Tolle in, On Individuality and Reincarnation, teaches that we are actually reincarnating all the time.  Whenever we get lost in the world of form through our thoughts, activities and melodramas we are going back into flesh.  We may find ourselves in peaceful  Being or presence, identified with our Higher Self one moment.  Then something in the physical world pulls us through our minds away.  We perceive something, and react to it emotionally and mentally and get lost in that reaction.  We have then stepped away from Being and have been reincarnated.  We have gone back to concerns of the "flesh".  We have become bodies and minds again.

The Big question to understand then is why we are here so we can stop reincarnating in this life times and in others.

What the Heck Are We Doing Here?

So why are we here in flesh?  Why is Being here? To suffer at the hands of random events for no explicable reason? What a waste of effort and divine energy to have our Being placed in a vehicle that is incredibly miraculous just so it can suffer at the hands of random events that mean nothing for a finite number of years. What happens to Being after the body dies or the mind stops functioning? Where does It go?

Does it make sense that we are here for a reason?  Does it make sense that body and mind are just tools to help us achieve that purpose? If you believe in a Being...something deeper than body and mind, don't you want to know why and where you go after wards? Don't you want to know this Being and where it came from and why it is here?  That is the  spiritual quest. That, I believe, is why we are here. To answer these questions...and not by reading or listening to others but by going inward to where the only means of understanding lay. We do not understand with intellect but with connection to who we are.

The point is, the veil between our being lost and incarnated in thought, personality, drama, activity and physical world "stuff" is getting thinner and thinner for many of us. We are becoming more and more aware of that Being within us.  We are wanting to know It and connect to the Source of It, the One Source, the Supreme Being. For many of us, that goal is becoming the most important parts of our lives.  We are evolving.  {Well I (in my pre-evolved state) and many spiritual masters east and west say "evolving".  You might still see it as "going bonkers." lol}

As the mind develops, the veil covering the soul becomes thinner and finally disappears altogether.  In this state, the soul realizes its immortality and its identification with the supreme being...and this is the purpose of all religions. page 8

Whether it be for one life time or many, we are meant to use the body as a vehicle to experience Life with and we use the mind as an instrument for understanding and transcending.

All is well!

Eckhart Tolle (Jan, 2019) On Individuality and Spirituality. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVu6yU2plAo

Swami Vishnu-devananda (1988) The Complete Illustrated Book of Yoga. New York: Three River Press.

An Update on "The Opposite Challenge"

Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Hmm!  On February 27, 2017, almost two and a half years ago, I used that same quote in another entry...an entry entitled A Practice with "The Opposite Challenge". In that entry I set out to see if I could make something happen which was completely different than what I had in my life.  I was going to see if the universe would conspire to change my "unwanted" into "wanted." I used the state of my house at the time as the opposite I would use in my practice.  I had a house in urgent need of tender, loving care and I wanted it to become one that was clean and well maintained.

First of all, I have to say that I am not the best house keeper in the world...never was and never will be.  Housework is not on the top of my priority list but I do want and expect a certain level of cleanliness.  I used house maintenance  in this experiment because though it bothered me greatly not to be able to maintain it in a satisfactory way, it was not as critical as other issues.  It is best to begin such experimentation  with areas of your life that are not too pressing.

Okay so I had complained, accepted, asked, acted, affirmed, and felt as if  in several areas related to house maintenance...you will have to read the entry. I had no idea how or with what means I would be successful but I did as I wrote.

This is what I have since achieved:

• Someone to come in to do the heavy cleaning: I did receive some help from my daughter and her partner with  cleaning,  repair and renovations.
• Hire someone to come in once a week: Still working at that one, finances won't allow it right now.
• Diminish clutter: I threw out half a store room, and about 30-40% of clutter from my home over the last two years, especially the last six months.  I Marie Kondoed everything and what a difference!
• New Stone Counters: Couldn't afford new stone counters but I painted and resurfaced my present counter tops last summer  to look like stone.  I do have a new smooth surface.  And I got to use my creativity.
• Paint Cupboards: My daughter and I refinished my old tired cabinetry with fresh colour and a unique flare last summer.  Love it!
• Paint Walls: Still working on that.  Painting is physically draining but we did get the kitchen done (with a lovely splash of blue added as an accent wall) , the dining room and are working on the downstairs walls.
• Purchase a better mop: I found a mop that does not tire me out as much...the bucket does the wringing.
• Roomba: I got a Roomba for a birthday present two summers ago...love it!
• Remove wall between kitchen and living room: Removed half the wall creating a lunch nook and the light and air  in my kitchen now is amazing.
• Better couch protection from Pets:  working on that.  Have to throw out half my sectional because of dog related incidents and will purchase possibly a false leather couch which can be wiped clean when I can.
• Kids to help out more: My girls will do their own laundry and the few times we had to go away, we came home to find the house cleaned from top to bottom.
• Air purifiers: We purchased a split pump last summer to help with that and heating bills.  Am also in the process of getting one or two air purifiers  with dehumidifying action for downstairs.
• Self Cleaning Oven: when D.'s house burnt down we salvaged that one he had.  What a difference it makes to have a glass cook top and an oven that cleans itself.  :)
• Dishwasher:  Really have no room for one in my kitchen.  I actually use my dishwashing time to meditate a bit so I am okay with that.
• New Kitchen floor without grouts: Got a vinyl floor on sale for a great price and put it down last fall.  Love it!  So easy to clean.
• Minimize: Covered that as well 

I must stress that these things came with great ease to me, often "coincidentally".  The effort I had to apply was minimal and when I did have to apply it, it was "fun".

So what is my house like now? Though I may not be mopping the floor twice a week lol , I am keeping things half decent.  Even got out last week and cleaned the windows...something I have not been able to do for years. We are doing renos downstairs which will make things even easier to maintain, increasing the value and saleability of my home.

So would you say the universe was conspiring on my side when I delivered the opposite challenge to it? I would say it was. 

All is well.

No one, of course, can really understand mind and soul as long as he experiments on the outside, not turning inward and stilling all his thoughts to watch his own mind and soul.

Swami Vishnu-devananda

Yoga Learning and Teaching

Though the Yogi gives great care and attention to the physical body, he goes beyond this point and brings the body under the control of the mind, both of which he finally uses for his final higher spiritual pursuits.
-Swami Vishnu-devananda


I am not sure what to write about today.  The learning that lay on the proverbial desk in front of me  is heavy and full.  It is like one of those big nursing text books I had to lug around in the day...one that seemed impossible to carry...let alone  read or understand enough to be tested on.

 I have the knowledge and the learning gained from so many sources and teachers (including my own self inquiry).  It just has not completely sunk in yet to make it something I practice in every moment. I want this learning to become so much a part of me, I exhale it with every breath.  Realistic?  I don't know.

I am encouraged by Swami Vishnu-devananda's words in The Complete Illustrated Book of Yoga (which happens to be a must-read in most  yoga teacher training.) : Yoga philosophy and its teachers...ask the student to be patient and many things that appear vague at first will become clear as he progresses. (page 6) It will sink in eventually. :)

Hmm!  I am a patient learner and I hope I prove to be an even more patient teacher.  I try to teach what I learn but just as I am not completely ready to absorb it all, I must recognize that most of my students in my up and coming yoga classes will not be ready to absorb what I am teaching.  Nor do I expect them to. 

Nor do I expect that I will even attempt to teach much beyond the Hatha component.  That's enough.  It is a wonderful start. Purity of the mind is not possible without purity of the body in which it functions, and by which it is affected.  So preference is given in Yoga philosophy to the mobilization of the body and the control of the vital breath. (page 13).  This is what Hatha yoga is all about.

I am hoping my body will allow me to do this.  I really do.  But if I can learn to control the body with a mind free of mental modifications.  anything is possible for me and for my students. Yoga, after all, aims to remove the root-cause of all diseases. (page 18)

It is all good.

Swami Vishnu-devananda (1988) The Complete Illustrated Book of Yoga. New York: Three Rivers Press

Where the Pendulum is Still

Everything has its yin and yang. The way is the place in which these forces balance quietly.  And indeed unless you go out of the Way, they will tend to stay in peaceful harmony.
-Michael Singer, the untethered soul, page 167

I love this description of the Tao. Seeing it as the place where the pendulum is still and centered makes sense to me.  The Way, is the in between...the harmony, the balance between extremes.  Without force on either of the opposing sides, the pendulum does not move. Without effort, force, struggle or resistance the pendulum stays centered and still. It is the natural state, the way it is meant to be. There is no need for effort or action or force of any kind to be in the Tao. It is only when the pendulum is pushed...when we go out of our way to exert energy that we begin to go back and forth between extremes.  We lose the Way. We lose the Breath of  Vacancy (Verse 42)

What is the Way Between?

It is between our ideas of "good" or "bad", "right" or wrong", "Ugly" or "beautiful", "sadness" and joy. We are meant to be still, calm, centered and at peace. Equanimity offers us that centered-ness. We are meant to be in between these ideas...accepting all.  When we are in the Way, we are not leaning towards one side or the other...not seeing the need to grasp and cling or the need to push away or resist anything Life offers us.

Away from Center

When we discriminate, judge and label with our minds, as we tend to do...we have a tendency to cause conflict within ourselves and within our world.  We become "stressed". We get the pendulum swinging back and forth and we slip out of the Way...getting lost in its rocking motion, in the mind activity.  We come to believe that motion is our reality and no longer connect with the reality of stillness. The further that one goes out (from himself), the less he knows. We become unbalanced.

Movement Out and Movement In 

In the video linked below, Eckhart Tolle describes the universe as having two purposes in a way that can be linked to Singer's Pendulum example.  He says the universe has outgoing movement with the purpose of it becoming and doing.  As manifestations of the Universe, we will have this need within us to create, to act, to do...so we leave something of value behind.  The pendulum swings out and away from its center.

We also have this ingoing movement where we are compelled to draw back to the center, away from doing and back into Being, into stillness, and into the present moment. If we must swing away from the  center, we don't want to swing too far. Even going back and forth from doing to being requires momentum.

Beginning and Ending in the Center

The Tao, I believe, exists in between being and doing.  In order to feel harmony and at peace we need to find that sweet spot between action and non-action, between doing and Being, between Heaven and Earth.  We are not of this world but we are in it.   We, therefore,  cannot retreat from Life all together nor can we retreat from the quiet stillness all together.  It is from the center that we move and not from outside forces that push us in either direction. Once we are in the Way, in the center where the pendulum does not move, we act from there when we need to and we retreat back into stillness when we need to...but we do all in the Way. The Way will always bring us back to center.

It is a pretty cool way of looking at it, don't you think?

James Legge (1895) Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching. https://www.sacred-texts.com/tao/taote.htm

Michael Singer (2007) the untethered soul. New Harbinger

Eckhart Tolle (2019) What is the Divine Purpose of the Universe? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skFQck_gWT8

Harmonized by the Breath of Vacancy

In the Way, nothing is personal. You are merely an instrument in the hands of the forces, participating in the harmony of balance.  You must reach a point where your whole interest lies in the balance and not in any personal preference for how things should be.
Michael Singer, the untethered soul, page 171


I was surprised to see a chapter about the Tao in the untethered soul.  I forgot about it.  I was even more surprised to see how the above quote relates so beautifully to the next eight verses I am presently on. There reall is an underlying truth to all great teachings, isn't there?

Chapter/Verse 42

All things leave behind the obscurity(out of  which they have come) and go forward to embrace the brightness (into which they will emerge), while they are harmonized by the Breath of Vacancy.

Hmm! This one got me thinking. :) All things, that started as one thing becoming two, then three and then  multiplying into "the ten thousand things," other versions speak of, come from nothing or the 'unknown'.  I believe that is what Legge meant by obscurity.

Once they emerge, appear  or are manifested, created, or come into the world of form, they immediately proceed to go forward to 'embrace the brightness'.  I take that to mean that they begin their journey of moving toward the light...toward enlightenment, truth, knowing who they are.  From the moment they are born their journey is a spiritual one...to get to the point where they can embrace the brightness (God...though Lao Tzu doesn't use that reference).

They (all creations, all beings)  are harmonized, brought to a state of balance or homeostasis by the Breath of Vacancy.  What is the Breath of Vacancy?  Legge capitalized these letters so I assume he meant that it was the  divine force.  Of course the Breath could be that breath...that force that sustains us...that makes the non living...living. It is breath that makes the non living alive and vice versa, right?  The yogis refer to this as 'prana'.

He also said it was a Breath of Vacancy. What does Vacancy mean, here?  I think of the Buddhist Shunyata or emptiness, the still spaciousness that is infinite and empty. Hmm! This Breath of Vacancy is the eternal Life force that balances things between heaven and earth? It is the life force that comes from the empty center.  It is the Tao?

He goes on to say that men do not like to have no attachments, no direction or no identification?  Though those who strive to lead know they must leave these things behind. Some things become greater when they have less...and some things are diminished by having more. 

Lao Tzu then says, according to Legge's translation, that he wants the basis of his teaching to be that men who are violent and aggressive will die possibly in this way ( not their natural death).  Is he basing his teaching on the importance of gentleness, humility and peace?

Chapter/Verse 43

The softest thing in the world dashes against and overcomes the hardest...

Here again I believe Lao Tzu is saying that gentleness, humility and peace are much stronger than hard aggressive force.  He may also be talking about the strength of the spiritual (the unseen, the formless) against the hard form the physical world provides.  Spirit can enter anywhere because it has no form. Instead of forcing our way through life ( acting, fighting, struggling) there is an advantage to doing nothing and simply being. Few will "get it"...if taught without  words or mental concepts; ...that it is better to be than to act.

Chapter/Verse 44

This was another rhyme scheme verse in the form of a riddle lol.  Basically what Legge is telling us that Lao Tzu is saying that we have a choice.  We can choose Life..."the Breath of Vacancy" or we can choose ego cravings, attachments and ideas: riches, fame, fear, blame etc.  We can't have both.  If we choose ego we do not live in spirit or "the Way".  If we choose the way...we won't need any of these things.

Chapter/Verse 45

Purity and stillness give the correct law to all under heaven.

This is an important line I think and it brings me back to "being harmonized by the Breath of Vacancy".

It also reminds me of Michael Singer's analogy in his reference to understanding the Tao(the untethered soul).  We can look at the laws  of Life like the force that that moves a pendulum back and forth.  Each side of the pendulum offers equal but opposing forces.  On one side you might find what is considered "happiness" .  With a small nudge, the pendulum will swing an equal distance in the opposite direction and we will find an equal amount of "unhappiness or sadness".  But without movement, without outside forces be they mental or actual...the pendulum does not move. It stays still and pure in the center. He described this as being with the Tao.  If we can stay centred and are not fluctuating back and forth between feeling good about our deeds or feeling ashamed we are harmonized, balanced, living the Tao??? Do thou what's straight still  crooked deem.

I might be right off the tracks on this understanding lol.

Chapter/Verse 46

Therefore the sufficiency of contentment is an enduring and unchanging sufficiency.

Contentment with "what is" is something that will last and not pass away as things around us change. To be able to accept Life as it is, is the greatest achievement. It is the way of the Tao. When we regard the Tao we are humble and use what we have to do humble things ( using our horses to carry the dung-carts). When we disregard the Tao we anticipate a need for defense and attack, we prepare for it by breeding our horses to go to war.  Preparation for violence is a world without the Tao. The ordinary moment to moment stuff is ignored. Seeking ambition will lead to guilt; being discontented with one's lot in Life will lead to calamity; and wanting, craving and striving are faults.  

If one's life is simple, contentment has to come.  simplicity is extremely important for happiness. -Dalai Lama

Chapter/Verse 47

Without going outside his door one understands (all that takes place) under the sky

I love this!  All we need to know is not "out there", it is "in here."  We can understand Life and the world by going inward. The answers lie within the True Self and the further we get from that Self, the less we will understand and know.

and accomplished their ends without any purpose of doing so

We can follow in the sample of the sages who gained their knowledge from within and did not seek, or strive to get it.  They simply were and allowed it to come to them without "the purpose of doing so".  They were not attached to outcome.

Chapter/Verse 48

Those who daily practice and seek knowledge will gain it; those who daily seek the Tao will diminish their doing. The seeker reduces his doing and reduces it some more until he is doing nothing. And when he reaches this state of non-action, there is nothing he cannot do.

Hmm!  The best most productive action comes from not acting...choosing Being over doing. It is struggling to achieve that creates trouble and our inability to get what we are wanting. We must not strive, struggle or fight to achieve.  We must be unattached to outcome.

Chapter/Verse 49

The sage has no invariable mind of his own...

Lao Tzu is saying that he is good to people who are good to him; and he is good to people who are not good to him...that way he is good to all and all get to be good.  He does the same with his sincerity.

He remains indifferent, not judging based on how he is treated by others.  He does not say who deserves his kindness and sincerity and who doesn't...he treats all the same regardless.  This makes him appear indecisive and indifferent but it is equanimity he teaches. This is what makes people follow him.

Those eight chapters were a little easier on the brain cells.  :) 

All is well.

James Legge (1895) Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching https://www.sacred-texts.com/tao/taote.htm

Michael Singer (2007) the untethered soul. New Harbinger.

The Highest Non-Attachment

The moment you understand yourself as the true Self, you find such peace and bliss that the impressions of the petty enjoyments you experienced before become as ordinary specks of light in front of a brilliant sun.  You lose all interest in them permanently.  This is the highest non-attachment.
-Sri Swami Satchinanda, The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, page 28

Say what crazy lady?

I love this quote.  It is  probably one of my favorite excerpts from Satchidananda's translation and interpretation of Patanjali's sutras.  I know I have used it here several times before but now I see that the thought behind it  just may be  the basis of Michael Singer's book, the untethered soul. Have I suggested that you read that Yet?   :)

We are talking about Letting Go/

Letting Go of What?

Letting Go of what you so desperately clung to?

So all those shining, dazzling objects that danced around your eye sockets and that may have caught your attention in your unconscious state suddenly  become ordinary specks of light when you wake up.  When you see from clear and conscious vision...you see and experience the sun directly in all its unimagined brilliance.  These thoughts, ideas, impressions you thought were worth reaching up to grab and cling to are suddenly "ordinary" and not worth your time and effort. You lose interest in them permanently. When you let go...when you detach...you fall into the space that is your true Self...and you discover what is important.

Hmmm!  Something to think about.  

Drifting Behind the Scenes

To see, to experience, and to honor is to participate in life instead of standing back and judging it.

-Michael Singer, the untethered soul, page 177

 

Spiritual growth is not about getting somewhere or getting something. It is all about letting go of something.  That something we let go of is our ego self...that part of the  mind that really doesn't serve us.

We let go of the ' little me' and step into the world of the One Source. We let go of our lower vibrations and drift up into the higher ones of the Divine.  We untangle ourselves from the web of foreground we were stuck in for so long, and we drift back behind to what is real.

When we let go of this self, we let go of anger, fear and self consciousness.  We let go of restriction and retraction.  We let go of guilt and shame. We let go of stress and tension. 

We stop judging! We stop 'suffering'! We stop closing up and we open up.

The saints and transcended masters, who were able to experience this directly, tell us that when we let go we open up and when we open up we see what God sees and we feel what God feels...joy, love, bliss and enthusiasm for everything.  We see beauty everywhere in absolutely everything.

When we let go of this idea of what we have of ourselves...separate little beings lost in "I", "me" and "mine...we will know "Thine".  When we go beyond seeing and judging the world and ourselves with our mind's eye, we connect with spirit and when we do that we connect with the Source of all things. We drift back behind the scenes of the drama mind created and we are home.

The drop of consciousness, which is individual Spirit, is like a ray of light emanating from the sun.  The individual ray is really no different from the sun.  When consciousness stops identifying itself as the ray, it comes to know itself as the sun.  Beings have merged into that state. page 176

Even when we say "no" to the sun and choose to live in darkness, for whatever reason...the sun is still there shining brilliantly.  Even though we say "no" to God for whatever reason, God is still there, loving brilliantly.  All we need to do is lift our heads up and turn in that direction.

We may not all transcend in this life time but letting go of what holds us back for that reality will definitely make us realize the beauty of the light.  Wanting that light  is all the purpose we need and turning toward it is the only thing we need to do.

All is well

Michael Singer (2007) the untethered soul. New Harbinger.

Guru Ego

Don't wait for your guru.  Your Life is your guru.
-Krishna Das

A Big Blob of Thinking

I am going to change gears here because I have something on my mind.  I have a big blob of thinking that my mind so discriminately labelled "Guru Ego". It  is bumping around inside me blocking other things from coming through so I just want to cough it up here on the page as if it were some big fur ball.  (Man...nursing and pet owner experience certainly lead to some eloquent descriptions, don't they? lol)

The Story

Last night I watched the Netflix documentary entitled, Enlighten us, about the up and coming motivational speaker James Arthur Ray.  In 2009, Ray lead a retreat where three people died in a sweat lodge incident. He was charged with negligent homicide and sentenced to two years in prison.  He subsequently lost his  large following and  the billions of dollars he had earned during his time as a self-help icon.

I am not judging the incident nor am I judging him (or at least I hope I am not).  What got me after watching that documentary was this gnawing feeling I couldn't really figure out, the same kind of feeling I get when I watch shows about cults. 

Questioning

Questions and doubts start floating around in my head. How easy it is for people who are seeking freedom from some kind of suffering to lose themselves in some Guru they selected as a guide.  How easy it is for a Guru to lose themselves in their egos and these delusions of Grandeur that arise from being "followed" by many. The gnawing feeling comes when I slip the "I", the "me" and the "mine" into that ball of thought.

What is the  self-help movement?  I have been a part of it since I first read Norman Vincent Peale when I was 18.  Is it a cult or cult like? Am I lost in it?

Am I like those followers, desperately seeking something from others and losing my Self in the process?  Could that happen to "me"?  Is my experience potentially similar? Are the people I learn from "my gurus"?

Even more gnaw-producing are the questions: Am I like him?  Wanting to help but getting lost as ego blows up out of control (of course I do not have the following lol)?  Am I more in love with the idea of "helping" and being known as a "helper", than I am about helping? Am I erroneously assuming that I have the power to "help" all others when I cannot help myself?  Am I forgetting that "helping" others is also a form of control and dis empowerment of others?

Do I actually want people to follow me?

 Is my being here actually all about me...as reflected by the constant repetitive use of "I", "me' or "mine"?  Am I more concerned about what has happened or can happen to "me' than I am about how what I say and do or don't say and do in this role has or can impact the lives of others?

Am I more concerned about striving, doing, "getting there" than I am about what I can give in each moment? Will a billion dollars be enough for me or will I do whatever I can to get more?  Would I  feel great loss of self if I did get it and lost it, or if I wasn't able to get back easily to that level of living again?

Wow!  It left me feeling this knot which I am happy to report is easing as I write this.

Don't Know; Don't Want to Judge but I am

I am not sure what happened.  I don't know this man other than the snippet I seen of him on The Secret and on Oprah...but I don't know him.  I am sure his intentions started out well and I am sure he had some ego motivation from the beginning, as well, as most of us do. I really seen Ego at play throughout the documentary.  I am also sure that he didn't want anyone to be hurt despite his obvious need to protect his ego and his "little self".

Why did he get into that business in the first place? I don't know but I sense he had a need to compensate for some sense of inadequacy he experienced as a child...and that lead maybe to a need to overcompensate.  He was admittedly a "striver", a "doer" and a super-achiever. Redeemer ego can be pretty persistent. I could tell how hungry he was from how he talked to potential clients.

 It would also  be hard for a psyche to adjust to the "extremes" ...feeling very low and ashamed of self...to being redeemed to what he referred to at a "saviour" level. Pendulum swinging too far in each direction.  Ego would inflate and one would lose sense of the True Self, a sense of the truth. The mind would lose perspective maybe...and I sensed that when he spoke about the incident, "My Life changed in fifteen minutes".  There was no mention in that snippet that the life of three people changed permanently in that 15 minutes as well....which was the bigger issue 

The fact that he went back to his motel room because he "had a hard week" and subsequently left people who were literally dying, wreaked of narcissism. And I thought instantly that this man had or has a personality disorder. Later when asked why he thought the  incident happened...he proceeded to say that it was to challenge him.  ( Three people die to challenge him?)  He really couldn't see the bigger picture, beyond himself, and became a victim in his mind rather than someone at least partially responsible for a tragic incident. Well, that is how it appeared from the documentary.

This  all sounds like judgment and assumption.  I suppose it is. I would  say he was not  "centered' from the documentary but maybe he is in real life. How would I know?  And who am I to know anyway?

Disenchanted and Confused

What I am trying to say is...this documentary left me a little disenchanted with the self help movement and with myself for buying into it and for trying to sell myself in it. If that is what I am doing.

I am going to have to look at my motivation for being here again.  Do some self reflection.  I know this gnawing feeling came for a reason.  It wants me to take a look inside and to make sure that I am here for Spirit not ego.

How I want to "Help" others help themselves

I am a little weary of the term "help" especially after watching this video. I do want to do what I can so others can help themselves. Unlike the person in question, I feel compelled to stay in the background and offer what I can from here.  I am glad I have little readership.

 Ego will still jump in and demand more but I am learning to shut ego out.  I am more than content with my numbers even when they are not adequately reflected on the stats page.  I know I have so called "followers" but I am glad my site does not let me know I do. (It constantly says "0" followers which is great at keeping my ego quiet.)

I hate the term "follower" anyway.  I prefer the word reader and fellow learner to follower because I know I am no expert, just a student like many of you.  My motivation is quite selfish...I want to learn and I learn through teaching.  I really don't want to be famous.  (Which is a good thing because I will never be lol).  I don't want to deal with ego at that level. I want Spirit to stay in charge.  :)

That being said....I know that... neither I, nor any of us, are beyond having our egos and personalities take over.  We have to be careful whenever we attempt to teach anyone anything. Without judging or condemning the people involved, we can all learn from this terrible tragedy and re-motivate ourselves at the spiritual level. We need to know that teaching, in whatever form it takes, is never about "me" but "all".

All is well.

Being Ready When Death Calls

You should be experiencing the life that's happening to you, not the one you wish was happening.
-Michael Singer, the untethered soul, page163

Death Calling

So Death calls you on your cell and says to you, "Hey Bud.  How's it going?  ...I'm just calling to  let you know that I will have to pick you up in a week.   I am just so swamped with pick ups... so I need you to be ready and waiting at the door  when I come, okay?  Thanks man. "

What are you going to do when you hang up? Freak out?  Resist?  Say , "Oh man...a week...how am I going to get everything I need done in a week?  That's not enough time.  I need a few more weeks at least!"  

Don't bother asking the dude with the cape and sickle for more time.  Ain't going to happen. Singer reminds us that if we do ask , Death will probably respond with, "I already gave you 52 weeks this year alone...that should have been plenty of time to get done what you needed to get done."

What did you do, that truly mattered, with the last  fifty-two weeks?

After you calm down a bit and finally accept  your upcoming, timely or untimely demise, what are you going to do?

The Bucket List

Most of us will pull out the old bucket lists we have stuffed away to determine just how many of those things on it we can check off.  You will get busy, I suppose, "doing" and "controlling", "manipulating" events as you try so desperately to squeeze them into your bucket.  You will try to "get" more from Life while you can. You want your bucket/ your life nice and full with "special" things you have done when Death comes knocking.

Is that living?  Is that making the most of the time you have left?  Is that what Death meant when we were told to "Be Ready"?

Is it really important what we put into those buckets, what we check off our lists, or what we do?  Or is the 'getting ready,' Death speaks to... all about  simply connecting to each moment Life gives us. Maybe it is more important to go a little deeper than it is to get a little more. 

Going Deeper

Your moments are numbered now.  Make the most of each one.

To do that, we need to get beyond the fear and limitation that has held us back for so long and say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done.  Then we need to stop striving, stop "doing", stop grasping and pushing. We need to stop resisting each moment and projecting into the next because we now know  that our moments are so limited. There may not be a next. We make the most of each one...settle into each one and fully experience it, appreciate it and enjoy it. We stop seeking something out there to make it all meaningful...and simply accept that it is meaningful just as it is, whatever it is.

Look at the preciousness of Life that is all around you, that was always all around you, that you missed because you were so busy grasping, clinging and resisting. Know that it isn't yours.  Life doesn't belong to any "little me" with its own agenda. Life is a beautiful, mystical thing that flows through all of us.  We just get to experience it as it flows through.  That's the beauty of it.  That simple. The prospect of death and our own temporal reality can make us aware of that.

You Don't Need More Time

You don't need more time and you don't need more things or special events. You do not need to fill your buckets or check off your lists with these things.  

You just need more depth, the kind of depth that comes with sinking into who you really are and experiencing the world from there, absorbing, accepting, appreciating and loving.  It's not what you do with the time you have left.  It is how you do it  and how much of you, you put into  doing it.

Should Live Like We Only Have a Week Left

So even when Death doesn't call in advance...and it won't for most of us :) , we need to be prepared for its inevitability.  We need to be ready. We should live each week like it were our last and  make the most of the precious moments that unfold before us. If we do that, when Death does come...we will be okay with it because we will know we have truly lived.  It can't take that away from us.

All is well.

Michael Singer (2007) the untethered soul. New Harbinger

Stop Resisting

There are certain states of mind that bring us problems, and they can be removed; we need to make an effort in that direction.  Likewise, there are certain states of mind that bring us peace and happiness, and we need to cultivate and enhance them.
Dalai Lama

Good Ol' Dalai Lama echoes what is on my mind again.  I open up to a calendar page from my desk calendar once again to find his words reflecting what we have been talking about.

There are parts of our old tired minds that are giving us grief.  We need to learn to let those parts, that have a tendency to cling and resist, go.  We also experience, from time to time, the peace and happiness that comes from an open, accepting and clear mind.  That is the state we want to work on enhancing.

Okay so we have a job, a purpose, a goal and a mission in life.: To create a peaceful state in the mind.  That needs to be our spiritual practice and our daily life practice if we want more inner peace and more peace in the world.

Removing What we Don't Want

We need to remove that state of mind that creates problems for us.

What part of the mind is that?

It is the ego part (well Singer never uses the word ego). It is the part of the mind that tells us that we are not enough and the only way to be enough is to build up a psyche based on what can be found out there. It is the part of us that says we are separate and alone in a dangerous world and the only way to survive is to build a protective fortress around ourselves, to defend and attack. It is the part that tells us that we are lacking and incomplete and the only way we will be ever "okay" is if make everything out there okay.


What do we experience when this problematic state is in charge? 

Stress.  We experience stress. We experience an never ending need to do, to fix, to control, to prevent. We experience anxiety and fear and if that is sustained over a period of time, we experience burn out and depression.  We then experience darkness and a lack of energy flowing through us. Yuck! This is a state of mind  we don't want, right?  But what cause it?

The Problem With Resistance

We feel this inner sense of turmoil when we close our hearts to Life.  Somewhere along the way we began to say no to certain parts of Life.  Instead of allowing all Life events to just pass through us like clouds...we clung to some and we resisted others. When we resisted certain "events" we stuffed a lot of impressions and a lot of pain. 

We now have all that energy whirling around inside us, creating turmoil, choking us off, and creating little space for the healing and life enhancing energy of Shakti to flow through.

The real problem with the mind then is its tendency to resist that which it decided it didn't want. It is not the life event that effects the mind and causes stress.... though we tend to point fingers of blame at what life throws our way.  It is our tendency to assert our powerful will power against the life event that leads to stress.

We say "No" to certain events we think will make us uncomfortable or activate old pain.  We refuse to allow them to pass through us.  They enter our conscious awareness but they don't pass through.  The energy of them gets stuck inside us.

Saying No to Past and Future

We tend to use this will to resist one of two things.  We use it to resist that which already happened. We refuse to allow painful memories to pass through us because we did not want to deal with the pain when it first arose nor do we want to deal with it now. "I am saying no to the pain of rejection right now, because it will trigger some old childhood pain in me and I don't want that to come back up." It takes a great deal of mental energy to keep old pain down, keep your wounded areas protected  and to push new pain away.

We also use our will to resist what might happen in the future. If you fear rejection you will always be hypervigilant and on guard to prevent it.  You have to tell yourself all kinds of stories, make all kinds of rationalizations and excuses and put a lot of effort into trying to control yourself and the world around you so that you never experience the sting of rejection again.  The mind just has to work overtime to do that.

The Fruitlessness of Resistance

We can resist until we are blue in the face, but we can never change the events.  What happened in the past cannot be undone and what happens in the future we cannot control. Life is going to happen the way life happens.  Life is going to do what Life does.  Life is going to be Life. Our resistance of it is, not only draining and crazy making, but it is a fruitless effort. 

I guarantee that no matter how hard you try ...that old rejection pain will resurface; no matter how hard you plot, scheme and manipulate...you will experience an event of rejection in the future.   In fact, Life is going to throw rejection at you because it wants you to grow. 

The only way to grow is not through resistance but through relaxing and releasing into your discomfort.

Deal With It!

Avoiding and resisting discomfort is not the answer to a peaceful Life.  If you truly want to take the healing path, you must realize that truth.

You need to deal! Deal with what?  You need to deal with whatever shows up in your moment. You need to deal with the beautiful flow of events that Life provides as a gift.

How?

 First you need to accept what shows up before you.  Life is not out "to get you."  When Life offers you challenges it does so with an intention of helping you to grow and expand beyond your limiting comfort zones. Once you see this and accept this, then relax into it.  Finally, release it.  If  you do not cling to it or struggle against it...the event and it's energy will pass through you, as it is meant to do.

Once your mind is clear of all your resistance, energy can flow. This energy will take you to a higher place, one that is not bogged down by stress. From there, you will simply have an event to deal with.

One should view their spiritual work as learning to live life without stress, problems, fear or melodrama. This path of using life to evolve spiritually is truly the highest path.  There really is no reason for tension or problems.  Stress only happens when you resist life's events.  If you're neither pushing life away, nor pulling it toward you, then you are not creating resistance.  You are simply present.  In this state, you are just witnessing and experiencing the events of life taking place.  If you chose to live this way, you will see that life can be lived in a state of peace. (Singer, page 149)

All is well.

Michael Singer (2007) the untethered soul. New Harbinger.

What are We Defending? Bricks and Mortar or Mist and Vapour?

There is no need for false solidity when you are at peace with the universal expanse of your true Being.
Michael Singer, the untethered soul, page 137

Before I begin... I am going to, once again, strongly encourage you to read the untethered soul. It is a book like, The Power of Now and The New Earth, that can open you up when you are at least partially ready. I am spitting out a regurgitated form of it here on the page but I can not give you what Michael Singer's words can. Or at least I cannot give all that they  have given me.

Let's Recap

You

So you (as your true Self, your conscious awareness, your spirit)  are a timeless, eternal Being in a vast and empty space. (What the Buddhist call Shunyata). You are whole, complete, joy, peace, light and Love.  You are connected to the One Source. You are nameless, timeless, formless and infinite. You are free.

This consciousness, that is you,  forms the  background of what we call  life.  You are that background.  You are  the clear blue sky over which clouds pass. You are that which observes, witnesses and places attention on each cloud that passes through you.

The Clouds

The clouds are formed by all the information picked up by your five senses from the outer world. They consist of  all the sights, smells, tastes, sounds and sensations coming at you all the time.  They are all the perceptions of events and happenings, the people and things in that world  that is unfolding before you.  They are your bodily sensations, your pleasures, your aches and pains.  They are your interpretations of  all the relationships you encounter.  They are also your memories(impressions), your emotional reactions,  and your thoughts.

It is important to remember that these clouds are just wisps of mist and vapour.  They are not solid nor do they have any form or matter.  They are clouds that are just meant to pass by the space that is you, as you, the Being who is peacefully watching. 

The Mind

The problem is, these things are constantly passing, constantly moving, constantly changing.   Where on earth (or in heaven :)) do we focus our attention then?

The mind is called in. It is a tool used by this vast consciousness that we have given the job of cloud- control to.   It is the thing we tell to make sense of all this input. We tell it, not only to make sense of it, but to sort it all out and file it all away with distinct categories and labels.

According to Patanjali there are different levels to the mind or Citta.  There is the basic mind or ahamkara which Buddhists and Eckhart Tolle refer to as the ego or little "me".  Then there is the intellect or  that sorting part of the mind that has to discriminate and make distinctions between the different clouds.  This is called the Buddhi. And there is mana, that part of the mind that gets attracted to certain clouds based on how close, how pretty, how noisy or desirable they are.  It is the wanting part of the mind. (Satchidananda, page4)

So the mind, with its three active levels, sits in that space of our consciousness watching the clouds but it can't do so very peacefully. 

Whereas the pure sense of awareness, that is us,  just witnesses and watches all without judgment...the mind believes it must decide which clouds to focus on and which ones to tune out.  It has to decide which ones "are good" and which ones "are bad".  It must decipher which ones to "chase after" and which one to "chase away".  It must make judgments, preferences and discriminations. It feels it must judge, label and name.


What makes things seem less chaotic?  What offers some sense of stability or protection?  What jumps in and demands to be seen? ?  The mind will decide.

The Problem

The mind will try to select things that it determines as preferable in creating and making sense of this input and it will focus on that. But  it will also get distracted by the noisiest and most determined to be seen clouds.

As  clouds pass by, all attention will go to the selected few and  we will place all our vast powers of concentration, then, on this "thing", this "feeling" or idea. Sometimes at great cost.

 It is a very big job for a little mind. There is just so much coming in and going out.  There is just so much the mind has to do and so much stuff to sort through.


But you keep holding onto them, as if consistency can substitute for stability. (Michael Singer).

That is where the 'problem" arises.

Clinging


This act of holding onto certain impressions is what the Buddhist refer to as "clinging".  When we intensely fix our attention on things, be they actual objects or feelings, thought and impressions...we may actually narrow our concentration so much that we, who we really are,  gets lost in the experience.  We get lost in the clouds and forget the sky on which those clouds are floating.

We will hold onto this focus with all our might (as if we could when it really is nothing more than vapour and mist).  We will see the inner things  as solid...something that defines our world and us, something that we can use to create a sense of self with and we will cling.

We may mistaken the objects we are focusing on for being us. You seem to have lost your original identity and have identified with your thoughts and body. (Satchidananda, page 7) We forget that we are the One watching, not what is watched. We identify with the things, the feelings and the thoughts.

You are not your thoughts; you are aware of your thoughts.

You are not your emotions; you feel your emotions.  you are not your body; you look at it in a mirror and experience this world through its eyes and ears.

You are the conscious being who is aware of all these inner and outer things.

This clinging can make our minds a little crazy. Running after objects of craving can do a lot of damage to our body and mind. (Thich Nhat Hanh, page 72).

The mind, as sick as it is,  will eventually build our psyches around these objects we cling to. So how on earth can we be sane when we are building ourselves on vapour and mist ?

Building Blocks

As we  move away from the calm space that is us; as we get more and more lost and disorientated in the foregrounds of our lives we may become unsettled and afraid. Everything is whirling around us so fast, it makes us dizzy.We may seek security, stability and a sense of relationship with the world outside  us and the world in our minds. The psyche is built.

We will use the things we have  focused on and were clinging to as building blocks.  We will take our few selected clouds and we will build a protective fortress around  our emerging sense of self..  We will build a world that makes some sense to our basic ego minds. From here we will create more thoughts that tie all the mismatch of  selected perceptions, thoughts, feeling and impressions together. If it makes sense we will build our whole sense of self around it.  Our clouds will  seem to take  on the form of a protective fortress, one we will defend at all costs.

This fortress we are building identifies us...every brick in it is something we cling to. And as the clouds keep passing by,  the mind selects those clouds that fit in the picture we created of ourselves and it resists, struggles against or fights off the rest. Society will step in , every now and again, to admire what we built which will encourage us to go on building in the same way or it may reject what we have created, in which case we may feel a need to change the architecture.

The Walls

But in truth we are struggling with the clinging and struggling with the building.  This is what 'suffering' is. It is exhausting.  We also find that walls of our mental fortress  still get knocked down by the outside world and we are sometimes pushed against them from the inside.  To be near a wall, especially if it has already been torn down or feels like it might be, is terrifying.  We want to retreat back away from it and hide in our little concept of self.

But the thing is...exactly where we feel fear and discomfort is where we must go. We put so much energy into defending these walls when what we really want is beyond them.

If we would be willing to feel a bit of pain and discomfort, some fear and lean up against those walls amazing things would happen.  We would realize that they were never solid...they never protected us and they never had to.  They were just mist and vapour from passing clouds we cling to.  If let them go, we will be wall less ( well we already are) but we will realize we are wall less.  We will fall back into that vastness, that infinite empty space that is us.  We will remember that we are and always were  the sky and not the clouds.  They will continue to pass us by as we simply watch and we will be free.

Let's stop defending that which isn't worth defending.

All is well.

References

Michael Singer (2007) the untethered soul. New Harbinger.

Sri Swami Satchidananda (2011) The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Integral Yoga Publications

Thich Nhat Hanh (20011) peace is every breath. Harper One