Apparent Chaos

 

Growth comes from chaos, not order.

Rakesh Jhunjhunwala

I, as this human I call me, live and move in a state of apparent chaos. I have all my life.  I can see that chaotic energy pattern so clearly lately and I realize that  if I am seeing it, others are seeing it. And those who are less than aware are likely judging it as a "negative thing" and this human as "weird, crazy, a failure etc" .  I am fully aware of that judgement as well...on an intuitive and energetic level.  More importantly, I am aware of how I judged and still continue to judge this energy pattern as something that is bad, wrong, or shouldn't be. Why? Because it doesn't fit the ego's definition of normal and validation worthy.

How did and does this energetic pattern impact your life, crazy lady? 

I lived a life of chaos in the form of both external and internal struggle and challenge. It wore me down. :)

I stood on a bleacher platform the evening before last watching my son graduate from adult learning.  My grandchildren were running around me, the people in the audience were looking up at us because of the noise they were making...my ex husband was sitting on one side, D. was on the other.  I was a mixture of stress, anxiety, and exhaustion after trying to control the little ones and keep them safe....and I had the usual feeling I get in crowds...discombobulation...I felt that chaotic energy and I just wanted to escape this moment or get it over with. 

But there I was watching my son in gown receive his diploma...something I have been praying for for ten years... and I felt such a rush of emotion...pride and relief...and happiness for sure...but also a question, "What did I do or didn't do that led to this pain inducing ten year delay?" 

I imagined the people I knew in the audience asking the same thing. I started to shame and beat myself up a bit...but suddenly my life flashed before my eyes and I witnessed "me" as this human in a drama called "chaos". 

I watched this human I call 'me' proceed through 6 decades of life. I could see how chaotic the external circumstances I was born into were.  I could see how the hyper sensitive energy body I was born into  added to the chaos.  I could see the physical, mental and emotional challenges this human endured and overcame. I suddenly had the greatest empathy and compassion for this being  as I watched in my mind's eye all the things she had to endure...all the chaos she had to move through. Despite everything she kept moving; she kept giving; she kept loving. Sure, she may appear to be a mess on the outside and she is...at the physical, energetic, social, and mental level...but this human really is something else. She loved and transcended through so much! She deserves much more than the judgment and assumptions she may be getting from others because of what appears. She may never receive it.  That's okay too. The world doesn't need to know her story...others can believe what they want about this human.  She knows...she knows what it was like to walk through such challenge and chaos.....to experience life through these eyes.  Maybe, as others purport, I even asked for all this chaos before I came down into earthly form because I knew at the deepest level ... the perfect value of it? Who knows? 

My son has learned and grown through his challenges and he set himself on the path again. I see, too how I have learned and grown along with him. In a way, it is me up there holding that diploma too. I cannot help but to love him and that which made him who he is.  I cannot help but to love this human I am and the experience of life she offered me.  Yes, so much hardship and challenge and chaos...but finally...there is also so much learning, so much growth.

All is well.  

 

Another Coincidence?

 

Synchronicity is a special kind of connection that cannot be explained by cause and effect.

Carl Jung

Coincidence! Coincidence! oh Coincidence! I had a lot on my mind yesterday ...well better said consciousness was focusing down on a monkey driven mind yesterday lol...so I didn't notice another kooky and cool coincidence. Yesterday morning, I did begin the Michael Singer podcast...I was listening as I was writing some Vivekananda quotes that took this attention the night before, into this blog. I didn't pay full attention to the podcast but I was listening...I wasn't, however,  taking down notes and I didn't finish the video...told myself I would finish this morning. When I came home from work, I had a very important engagement in the evening so I was focusing on that but I wanted to pass the time so I decided to do a video.  I pulled one of the many concepts from the jar to discuss.  What was the concept? Chit Shakti. I rattled on way past the time frame I try to set...twice...because it was one of those rare situations that I repeated what I recorded.  I put it up anyway.  It wasn't until this morning that I realized the kooky coincidence. I randomly drew the same topic and spoke pretty much the same message that Michael Singer spoke of in his video the same day. It was like... Wow!

 

Of course, you do not have to believe me that this was not planned, at all.  You do not have to see anything but complete randomosity (if that is a word lol) in this. I, however, see some sort of weird connection that goes beyond the understanding of this very limited human mind.  Go figure!

All is well

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( May 20, 2025) Understanding Shakti: The Flow of Conscious Energy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlW7Q_usvig&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Frozen from the Feet Upward

All the powers in  the universe are already ours. It is we who have put our hands before our eyes and cry that it is dark...

As soon as you say, "I am a little mortal being," you are saying something which is not true, you are giving the lie to yourselves, you are hypnotising yourselves into something vile, and weak and wrteched. ....

...in the Vedanta there is no attempt at reconciling the present life -the hypnotised life. this false which we have assumed-but this false life must go, and the real life which is always existing must manifest itself, must shine out.... 

...That is what we are doing all our life, getting frozen from the feet upwards and yet wanting sleep. Therefore you must struggle towards the ideal, and if a man comes who wants to bring that idea down to your level, and teach a religion that does not carry the highest ideal, do not listen to him.Teach men of the strength that is already within them...

..."You are pure and perfect and what you call sin does not belong to you." [according to the Vedanta].Therefore the first step for us to take is to teach the truth to ourselves and others.

Vivekananda (n.d.) 2.6 Practical Vedanta and Other Lectures/ The Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda/ Kindle Edition

And that is why I am here. Sigh! 

All is well

Independent of the Good Opinion of Others?

Be independent of the good opinion of other people. 

Abraham Maslow

Do you need external validation for the things you do?

I believe most of us in human form seek that, don't we?  It has something to do with how we are wired to survive as we tramp around the planet in these space suits.  We, as social animals with an innate sense of 'inter-being' that we cannot even understand, need to belong, need to contribute, need to be of value to the groups we belong to for safety and security reasons as much as emotional.

I like to think of myself, especially as I evolve, internally validated with the things I do, and free from the need for the good opinion of others. I like to think of myself that way, but I am reminded again and again that I am just as much externally validated as I am internally validated. I still seek, much to my spiritual ego's embarrassment, some form of validation for the things I do. I still look to others, to life circumstance, and to the Universe to tell me or show me that what I give to the world is beneficial or worthy, or, at the very least, "enough". 

For example, I still check the stats pages everyday. I receive little to no feedback about my blog here other than stats telling me if what I wrote was read.  Though the stats page numbers are high, Google shows me that only a few people are reading it and I sigh in relief.  I feel somewhat validated, even when I am not sure if it is being read by a human or a bot, to see the possibility of legitimate readership. Where some are dependent on readership in the thousands or even millions range...I feel uplifted with what might be 2-10 legitimate readers a day.  When I see an increase in numbers, I feel a rise in energy because I sense external validation...when I see a decrease, I feel that "fatal resignation" I so mix up with acceptance creeping in.

I still also check the videos I put up to see how many viewers and subscribers I have. My far-off goal/dream, unlike other vloggers, was never 500,000, or 5000, or even 500 subscribers. It was 50.  And I now have 50. There was a lecture hall where I worked as a nursing educator for many yearsth, that I loved to lecture in.  It was small (small college) and it only sat 50 but there was something about standing in that lecture hall, doing what I considered was my best stuff, serving in a truly meaningful way, that always fired me up. Much to my surprise and amazement, I received so much positive external validation in my role as an educator. It fed me. To be able to hold the attention of 50 people at one time and explain complicated stuff in a way they could understand also validated me externally and internally.  For some reason, having 50 subscribers reminds me of standing in that lecture hall reaching others in that fired up way I did then.  It reminds me of how much I love to teach. So having 50 subscribers is like having the universe tell me that I am being validated for what I love to do. It is a sweet external validation.

I, like most unknown writers in the world, do not receive a heap of external validation for my writing but I still have a writer's ego that wants it.  I want someone out there to say, "Yeah! You can write. Keep doing it!" Even when I write books for the pure intention to serve, as I did with the Learning English book, I find myself secretly looking over to see if what I wrote was okay.  For months and months, I didn't get any of that...none. I put it out there. Nothing.  I even gave it to friends who helped in some small way with the learning I shared in the book, and they openly admitted they never opened the cover.  I offered it where I thought it was needed and instead of receiving even an acknowledgement that it was received...nothing. Instead of feeling good about my sincere desire to help, I began to feel that I did something "wrong".  I became very embarrassed, even ashamed, about my creation or at least my putting it out there. Then one day, I received an email from a newcomer who I was sending unpublished chapters to in hope it would help. She expressed her appreciation and explained how much it helped her.  I felt uplifted for a few weeks before that fizzled out. Then another friend expressed her appreciation for the book, and I felt that unquenched need for validation being soothed a bit more.  Next, a young student who saw a copy on my desk wanted to save her allowance to buy one...I gave her a proof copy and she literally carries it around with her. And someone reached out to me this week, after months of hearing nothing, to give me positive feedback on the book I sent, stating that it would be a beneficial resource. I felt that thirst even more soothed.  I also have a few buyers and four subscribers on my You Tube channel related to the book. I even receive little hearts as comments from one of the subscribers. That feedback might not seem like much to some, but it was all the external validation I needed.  But sigh...the fact remains, I still needed it. 

Why? I thought I was more evolved than that.

I can set out to do something for the purest of reasons: to experience the joy of the creative process, to honor wholesome internal compulsions, and to help and serve without, it seems, any attachment to outcome. That is a genuine and often actualized motivation in this human I call "me" whenever I take on a project or pursue an action. I have little expectations of how what I do when I begin, will be received by others or how it will impact the world. I have little to no expectations or attachment to what I, as this "little me", will get from it. "As long as it is wholesome", I tell myself. "It doesn't matter. It is just an honest and sincere expression and use of whatever gifts, talents, or skills I have been given in order to serve the human group and the entire world". 

Yet, that pure motivation often gets disrupted, by not only the innate need we all have for love and belonging, but by my own internal scarring. I realize sometimes that this pure and wholesome internal validation, this desire to express, to serve, and this "nonattachment to outcome" is contaminated by a not so wholesome messaging from the battling duo: Shamer and Redeemer Ego. A core belief is still oozing through the trap door of my subconscious that whispers as it slithers into my day-to-day life, "Remember you are just doing your penance here. You must serve, sacrifice, and give more than anyone else. Don't dare expect forgiveness, let alone any positive rewards for what you do.  Do not expect others to notice anything but a sinner pathetically trying to redeem themselves. Don't expect Life to be kinder to you because you do a few selfless acts. Expect ridicule or disdain for your pitiful offerings. You should be embarrassed about what you give and offer the world...not redeemed."  

And Redeemer will chirp in and say..."No! Keep going!  You can get recognition and reward for what you do with your gifts to prove to the world and yourself that you do deserve to be here. Do more and keep doing it better. Then keep watching for that external validation from the universe. You need it. It will save you from your shame. It will save you from who you are." 

This battle goes on in my psyche despite the sincereness of my motivations. The duo wrestle, stumble, roll around over the pureness of my intentions, knocking things down, destroying what is good and decent as they battle each other, drowning out my true internally validated nature, my sincere desire to serve.  They make a mess of this life! Sigh.

Pretty sad and pathetic, crazy lady! Why would you share that?

Yes, it is sad and pathetic,  and I share it because I am strongly convinced that I am not the only one whose life experiences and intentions to serve at the highest level are being thwarted by such core beliefs.  I bet, if you are truly, truly honest with yourself and are willing to look deep inside those trap doors of your own psyche, you will find some of that same messaging. You will discover these twins battling it out...at least to some degree. 

Many, many of us are living 'unfilled' lives despite our pure intentions to evolve because we are ignorantly being dominated by the core beliefs stored inside us. We can't see, beyond these dark veils of conditioning, that the universe has our back.  We can't hear that it is constantly saying "Good job! You are on the right track!" when we attempt to serve with the purest of vibrations.  We are stuck in certain stages of our development and are unable to expand consciously because we have this big fur ball of belief of our 'undeservedness' caught in our sushumna. The energy is not flowing beyond the low frequency level we seem to be trapped in. We do not operate in the belief or knowing of our potential....so we may not tend to get from the universe that which may help us to live more fulfilling lives. We may not receive enough validation for our greatness.  

Often our goals and dreams feel bigger than we are. We want them but almost instantaneously think, "Who am I to think I can have that?" and "How can I possibly achieve that?" But if we don't believe something-if we don't own it-means we are not tapped into the energy of it or that its energy is not really alive inside us. And as we know, if it's not there,in our core, and in our energy field, either it won't happen at all, or it won't last. Dr. sue Morter, page 254

I know my open expression of what I see inside me is off putting to some. Believe me. it is much worse when we are not even aware that these damaging core beliefs are there. At least, when we are aware of what is hidden in the trap door of our psyches...we are not taken by surprise when Life doesn't seem to be recognizing our gifts or rewarding us for them; when Life doesn't seem to be giving us what others are getting for theirs. We are less likely to see a lack of external validation and reward as a form of deserved punishment. We are less likely to see the messages from these twins as being the truth; less likely to believe that there is something wrong with our gifts, that we are meant to sacrifice in obscurity, that we are not worthy of either internal or external validation. The more we are aware of our core beliefs, the more we are able to release the hold they have on us, and the less dependent we become on external validation. Our inspiration will become pure again, free of ego contamination when we begin an 'extraordinary project'.  

When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds: your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a far greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be. Patanjali

I do want to be free of my need for external validation.  I want to be free of my battling ego twins.  I want to be free of those core beliefs that hold my energy down and therefore my life back. I want to expand consciousness, transcend limitations and find myself in a new, great, and wonderful world. I want all my talents and sleeping faculties to come to life as I remember Who I am...a person far greater than I ever dreamed myself to be.  I want the same for you. I want the same for all...that is why I share the mess in my own mind so openly. 

All is well!

Owning the Crazy Chariot Ride

 

You don't have to think all the time. [This is] the world's most amazing discovery that's never been mentioned [on the news].

Eckhart Tolle.

I woke up this morning and I watched myself fall from the sensory input that woke me up...noise in the background and the same physical discomfort I wake up with every morning...to thought and story about these things. I imagined, then as I lay there, that image displayed in the Gita of a chariot being carried away on a wild run by five wild horses. In this analogy, the five horses are the five senses, the chariot is the human body, the charioteer is the intellect, and the reins are the mind. Hmmm! There I was watching myself being pulled away. 

Ironically, a few hours later, I tuned into Eckhart Tolle's video, and he mentioned the imagery of the chariot.  (I am getting a bit desensitized to these 'coincidental happenings'. They are becoming 'normal' occurances.lol) He added the thought and story component to the chariot ride, stating that in today's society focus on 'thinking' has taken over the attention on sensory input that Lord Krishna was referring to in the Gita.

I agree.  'Thinking' is a real problem in our culture.  We are getting lost more in thought than we are in sensory input.  In fact, I believe, we are so lost in our heads with its stories, beliefs, dramas...we often don't even notice what the body is feeling. We are not "embodied" enough.  It is like we, as the charioteer (intellectual mind), have fallen off the chariot (the body) and are being dragged along, not by the senses but, by thought. 

As, I lay there in bed this morning, prior to listening to Eckhart Tolle, I was thinking about my own chariot ride, about my tendency to live in my head rather than in my body or in the moment. I remembered what I am learning from Dr. Sue Morter, and I began to breathe into my body...into the areas of so called 'pain', visualizing the breath going up and down the sushumna (she refers to it as the 'The Central Channel').  Using the reins of my mind, I brought my attention back into my body and back into the moment. Of course, I had to crawl back into the chariot to do that, with a willingness to experience the bumpy ride (pain sensations).

                                         

                                        Note: The above pic came from a search for free clip art image. Wikimedia Commons. 

                                                                                                     Wish I could credit the amazing artist.

I could see so clearly that distinction in experience from when I was lost in head and story and when I was back in body, breath, moment.  Two totally different 'felt experiences'.  When I was 'embodied', however, I could see how illusionary the other experience was. 

The question arises:  

Who can see? Who is the experiencer?

Eckhart Tolle, in the below linked video, tells us that we have two idenities. We all carry a bag of thoughts around with us filled with some good stuff, and a lot bad. This bag becomes our 'problematic' identity. We then spend our lives trying to solve "the problem of me." In order to solve this problem, we go to thought and story. We get lost there. 

There is also another formless sense of presence identity that is not inside the bag but carrying the bag. We don't recognize that Self when we are too identified with the thoughts in the bag we are carrying and too busy trying to solve the problem of 'me". 

When we go to bed at night and slip into deep sleep, however, the horses slip away, the chariot slips away, the charioteer slips away and there is just the reins. Huh??? When we are in deep sleep or 'unconscious'...sensory input slips away, the thoughts slip away, the body slips away and there is just consciousness. Consciousness doesn't have to direct anything or do anything.   It just is. That is who we are....

I spoke yesterday about the four levels of consciousness according to Yoga. And though it seems to be counterintuitive...we eventually want to live in a state of deep sleep until we reach Turiya. We do not have to literally fall asleep, go into a coma or become physically unconscious to do this.  Deep sleep is not a slipping into 'unconsciousness' as we know it. It is actually returning to a higher level of consciousness. It is returning to our formless essence. From there, we want to awaken on the other side to Turiya....where we are aware that we are awareness experiencing awareness. We can reach this higher state without having someone hit us over the head with a mallet. We can do it through our practice

Consciously recognize the being Self as your essential Self

How?

First of all, we need to redirect our focus. Tolle reminds us that we are so focused on the painting on the canvas (sensory perceptions, thoughts, emotions) that we are not aware of the canvas the painting is being painted on. We need to recognize that there is something beyond what we are seeing physically...something from which and on which the physical is created. 

There is much more to reality than what we experience in the first level of consciousness: waking. In this stage it is all about the chariot and the horses. Here, we are too identified with physicality to recognize there is anything beneath it. 

And there is much more than what we experience in the second stage: dreaming. This stage is all about the charioteer...the intellect. This is the mental stage I find myself in more than I like...pulled away again and again by thinking, feeling, emoting. So much so that I often forget I am standing in a chariot (body).

I thankfully am growing as a lucid dreamer.  I can conceptualize in my dreams that I am dreaming. I catch myself more and more, like I did this morning, lost in thought and sensation.  I can wake myself up from it, realizing that it isn't 'real'. This lucid dreaming can help us get to the third stage Tolle was referring to.  When we realize we are not standing in Truth and begin to commit to finding that Truth we may fall from lucid dreaming into the third stage: deep sleep. 

Yet, many of us fear the process of going from dream state to deep sleep state. Why? Because, in order to get there, we need to let go of what we are clinging to that keeps us in the first two states.  We need to let go of the concept of "me and the problem of "me". We need to let go of this personality we call "me" that we created.  We need to let go of our attachment to the physical world...to the chariots we are standing on.  We need to let go of our attachment to the sensory input as being all there is to reality- the horses.  We need to let go of our attachment to thought and story.  We need to let go of our attachment to the intellectual or conceptual mind- the charioteer and we need to drop the reins, allowing mind to just be. We need to let go and in a sense we need to die to be reborn. 

In order to fall into deep sleep state...the formlessness of who we are...into Universal mind. we are having to fall back into what seems like the unknown to us...dark, emptiness.  We will lose who we thought we were in our dreaming and waking states. That's like dying to what we knew. Well, to what we thought we knew.  In actuality, we are falling into the only known truth. We are not achieving a new state here...we are discovering what was always there. 

From Deep Sleep, if we stay here long enough, the light will enter, and we will reach the fourth state: Turiya. We will remember Who we are and we will allow Self to recognize and remember Itself.  We will experience Sat-Chit-Ananda.

We don't literally go to sleep to return to this state.  Just the opposite. We must wake up on the other side of Deep Sleep.  Meditation might help:

True meditation is not an achievment but a discovery....

But...!!!

The first step is realizing that we do not have to be pulled along on this crazy chariot ride most of us are on! We need to discover through practice that we do not have to think all of the time. Secondly, we need to get out of our minds' and return to the body, the breath, and the moment. We need to make sure we are solidly standing on our chariots before we drop the reins and completely let go.

And whatever your intentions, wishes, and dreams are, always remember that everything happens in the body first! Dr. Sue Morter, page255

All is well!

Dr. Sue Morter ( 2019) The Energy Codes. Atria: New York

Eckhart Tolle (May 16, 2025) You Don't Have to Think All the Time. Part 1  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-6rvCtu6SM

Unconditional Peace that Surpasses All Understanding

 The peace that you feel regardless of what is going on is the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Michael A. Singer

That is what I am seeking on this path.  I am not so much asking that circumstances be different than what they are (Mind you...I wouldn't say "no" to a little financial blessing, some improvement to my living situation, healthier, happier loved ones, some validation of myself as a writer/ speaker/teacher, the opportunity to pursue some higher level education...basically ...external chages I assume will get me out of this rut...but I know that is not how it works). I am asking, instead, that I find peace no matter what. 

So, I pray now that I can let go of the part of me that is constantly distracted and pulled into these circumstances...so much so that it gets lost in them.  I am praying that the spiritual part of me reigns and takes over my life. I am praying that ego shrinks into the shadows. I pray that I get less and less bothered by this stuff. ...that I can stay open to Life no matter what unfolds. I want to feel the energy coming up and to be able to ensure that it is always coming up.  I want to be able to control that energy so I never get pulled down....that I feel love all the time for everything and everyone. I want to know and experience how great this Self is.

I have put away my vision boards for this prayer:

May I remain more and more in the Seat of Consciousness, no matter what is happening around me. 

Hmm! 

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will gaurd your heart and your minds....

Philippians 4: 7 ESV

All is well.

Michael A. Singer ( May 15, 2025) The Journey from Intellectual to Experiential Truth. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wrZiaavo9w&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Vibrating Light

 All light...

waves that ebb and flow,

crest and trough,

emerging,

radiating, 

flowing 

from the core

of Who we are.

Carried on the breeze

like the sweetness 

of the apple blossom's 

perfume in May,

It is breathed in to all,

vibrating through all, 

creating all impressions of solidity,

all shadow, 

all smiles and all tears.

We, as Its ambassadors,

are instructed to move with it...

And we do.

 

To our suprise, 

the empty dream of earth's form

gently repulses,

gently pushes away 

each wave of vibrating light, 

as we hesitantly attempt to place 

an untenanted foot upon it.

We question if we belong.

The maternal hands of gravity 

hold us suspended 

between earth and sky,

whispering,

"Dance...just dance."

...And we do.

In a perfectly choreographed dance

of flickering maya,

we move about,

as Truth weaves in and out, 

holding everything in place.

"Wake up! Wake up!"

the music softly directs 

 with its soothing mantra

...And somewhere 

between the  

twisting and the turning,

the yawning 

and the stretching

...we do. 

We wake up

to what is real...

 Light...

and we remember 

Who we are.

© Dale-Lyn (Pen) May, 2025

I get so wowed out by serendipity when it comes to Michael Singer.  Yesterday, I sat down to speak about the four stages of consciousness. Why? Because I felt compelled to for some strange reason. I had some technical difficulty, though, so I couldn't complete the video. It was my goal today to redo it. In the meantime, I opened up to my morning session of listening to Michael A. Singer and this is what I opened up to. 

Go figure. Though there may be some more practical explanation for these coincidences, it just seems we are on the same wave length in some kooky way.

The above poem came out pretty quickly as I was listening to this morning's podcast.  It isn't perfect but hopefully it says what I am feeling and thinking.

Thank you Michael Singer for tapping into my brain waves somehow. lol

All is well 

Michael A. Singer ( May 15, 2025) The Journey from Experiential Truth. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wrZiaavo9w&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Not Stuff...but Dancing Pattern

You really do not have to supose that the world is some kind of helpless, passive, bit of unintelligent junk which some outside agency has to inform and make it into intelligent shapes. So the picture of the world in the  most sophisticated  physics of the day is not formed stuff, potted clay...but pattern...a self moving, self designing pattern, a dance... and our common sense as individuals hasn't yet caught up with this. 

Alan Watts

All is well. 

Half Asleep?

Suddenly when you no longer demand that Life should not be difficult, that these things should not be happening to you...then something shifts.  Challenges keep coming but they no longer make you unhappy. They make you more present. They make you more alert...You realize you needed them because without them, you would be half asleep. 

Eckhart Tolle

Walking the Path to Self Realization

 If one millionth part of the men and women who live in this world simply sit down and for a minute say, "You are all God, O ye men and O ye animals and living beings, you are all manifestations of the one living Deity!" the whole world will be changed in half an hour.

Vivekananda

Imagine looking at self and everything in this world as God.  We would approach it all differently, wouldn't we? Realization is all about seeing the Divine in all. It is a path we all would be better off taking.

Michael A Singer tells us:

Spirituality is about letting go of yourself, about dying to be reborn.

What does realization do for the self?

Such a man becomes a world-mover for whom his little self is dead and God stands in its place. The whole universe will become transfigured to him. That which is painful and miserable will all vanish; struggles will all depart and go.  Instead of being a prison-house, where we every day struggle and fight and compete for a morsel of bread, this universe will then be to us a playground. Beautiful will be this universe then!

Who wouldn't want that for the self?

What does realization of truth do to the world? 

This will be the great good to the world resulting from such realization, that instead of this world going on with all its friction and clashing, if all mankind today realize only a bit of that great truth, the aspect of the whole world will be changed, and, in place of fighting and quarelling, there would be a reign of peace. This indecent and brutal hurry which forces us to go ahead of every one else will then vanish from the world. With it will vanish all struggle, with it will vanish all hate. with it will vanish all jealousy, and evil will vanish away for ever.

That is the great utility of divine realisation. Everything that you see in society will be changed and transfigured then. No more will you think of man as evil; and that is the first great gain.  No more will you stand up and sneeringly cast a glance at a poor man or woman who has made a mistake. No more...will you look down with contempt upon the poor woman who walks the street in the night, because you will see even there God Himself. No more will you think of jealousy and punishments. They will all vanish; and love, the great ideal of love, will be so powerful that no whip and cord will be necessary to guide mankind aright. 

Who wouldn't want that  forthe world? 

Why the he$$ are we not experiencing this now?  Especially when so many of  us purport to be on the "spiritual" path. 

Until you work through what is blocking you ...spiritually is like sailing with the sail down in a sailing vessel that is anchored. Michael A. Singer (somewhat paraphrased)

He also says spirituality is about not being pulled down into the garbage while you are doing your life

Three things get in the way then? Our identification with ego, our samskaras and our worldly distractions. Hmm!

Because of the anchor of samskara that remains in this "me", I still get pulled down into the stinky stuff. One moment of forgetting and "whoosh", I am sucked from the path of truth and  into the drama called, "Me and my problems." It is a drama about garbage...stuff that shouldn't matter, stuff that is "statistically insignificant". Yet, I find myself rolling around in that "stuff", forgetting what and who I am.  (Well...I shouldn't say forgetting what I am. I forget what I am being told I am...because I have yet to experience what I am first hand.) So, I roll around in this garbage trying to cling to what might be useful in the future.  Mostly, though I spend my time pushing away what is potentially sharp and  repulsive. 

If you are paying attention to what you pushed away, you are not paying attention to what you are. Michael Singer

Why does this little self think so much about itself when it could be free and staring at the Divine in all?  This little "self" we identify as that is caught up in the garbage is not important. It is only important because we are staring at it, listening to it, and believing it is so important.  We mix up this ego with God and listen to it rather than seek Truth. We fail, then, to see the God in us and the God in all. We need to recognize what we are staring at as unimportant and simply remove our focus from it...so that we fall back into what is.

It is, I am learning, a process of seeking what is important...taking the path...slipping off of or being pulled off of this path ...getting lost...waking up a bit to realize you are off the path and getting back on...again, and again, and again. 

Man, why is it so challenging to stay on the path and to remember and live life as Who we are?  Especially when we are being told just how beautiful it can be. 

And the whole universe with its myriads of suns and moons, through everything that speaks, with one voice will say, "Thou art That." Vivekananda

Hmm! Well here I am walking along...until the next distraction that is. I would like to think I am spending more time on the path than I am off it. Is that possible?

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( May 12, 2025) From Suppression to Surrender: The Journey Home. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hn9lxtAIa2E&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Swami Vivekananda (n.d.) 2.5 Jnana -Yoga. In The Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda. Kindle Edition

Why We Attempt to Realize Self

 So those that have realised the truth will stand up and say, "Here is the Self," You may argue with them by the year, but they will smile at you; they will regard it as child's prattle; they will let the child prattle on. They have realised the truth and are full. 

Vivekananda

We lose nothing when we realize Self. We gain what is real.

Then alone a man loves when he finds that the object of his love is not any low, little mortal thing. Then alone a man loves when he finds that his love is not a clod of earth, but it is the veritable God Himself. Vivekananda

We also gain freedom...

And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32

How does Self Realizaton set us free? This realization ends fear. 

The moment the ripple [on the surface of the ocean] recognizesit is also the ocean, and more fundamentally the, ocean the fear goes.  It recognizes it cannot die.  And the Ocean recognizes Itself through this recognition of the ripple. Eckhart Tolle

The I am that I am Moses spoke about is 

Not only the essence identity of you but it is the essence identity of the universe. 

Eckhart Tolle

That's why we begin this path to Self realization.

All is well.

Tony Robins (June, 2024) Eckhart Tolle on Finding Your Identity, Meaning, and Purpose in Life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1LoZSDJ5qE&t=3196s

Swami Vivekananda (n.d.) 2.5 Jnana Yoga, in The Complete Works of Vivekananda. Kindle Edition

Happy Mother's Day

 

The burden isn't created by your mother. It is created by your mind...Allow her, her limitations.

Eckhart Tolle

Happy Mother's Day to all mother's everywhere. May you have a wonderful day, finding peace in the knowledge that you did and do your best; that you gave and give in the only way one can...from what you have; and that you love and loved from the love you know and have known. You were the mother you were meant to be, being wherever you are at consciously. May you find peace in that as you grow and expand in your role as mother and your role as a more conscious human being.  

We are all meant to be mother's of God...for God is always needing to be reborn. Meister Eckhart

Stuck with one foot in the trap door?

 We are rarely stuck for the reasons we think we are. There is almost always something deeper that is really the cause.

Dr. Sue Morter

I have the experience of feeling stuck these days...stuck in some low energy cycle within the body and around the body. Have you ever felt like that?

In Chapter 6 of The Energy Codes,  Dr. Sue Morter teaches that most of our challenging life circumstances and body issues are the result of  some subconscious beliefs and messaging stuffed and stored within us. We may blame the unpaid bills, the difficult interactions with others, or the physical symptoms we are experiencing on external causes, but I am seeing more and more in my own life experience that  isn't the case. Beneath the "trap door" of our psyches is an energy leaking from emotionally charged and unprocessed events from our past that we had stuffed when we were unable to, or unwilling to, process them consciously at the time they first unfolded. This stored and stuffed stuff, that a yogi would refer to as samskaras, is running and controlling our lives in an insidious way. It is seeping into our body tissue, curling up in areas, transforming into sensations, symptoms, disorder or disease. It is seeping out around us into the circumstances we encounter that reflect the same low energy vibrations back to us. These become distractions. And where attention goes, energy flows. We continue to repeat the same low energy vibrations with our thinking, feeling, and experiencing. Basically...

whatever is hiding beneath the trap door of the subconscious is running us, despite what we do consciously. page 157

She teaches the same thing many yogis, including Michael A. Singer, teaches. She teaches these samskaras (though she doesn't refer to them as such) are created whenever we resist life by saying "No" to it in one way or another.  Maybe, the psyche after an activation of "Fight or Flight" deemed the unfolding of a particular event with its emotional charge  as too painful...or too challeneging...too disruptive to the model of expectations and desires we created. The event with its energetic charge  then finds its way into our subconscious and gets locked behind a "trap door". We resisted or rejected it; therefore we repressed and supressed it.  Our resistance becomes a knot in the body and blockage in the energy flow. When energy is stuck.  We are stuck. Sigh!

Morter says we do not have to go to the mind or its story to get unstuck, to unblock the areas involved so the energy can flow. We need to go beneath it.  We need to go beyond the conscious mind to the subconscious mind and to the body to open up some trap doors. We need to open the doors to the subconscious so the stuffed stuff can be noticed, heard, calmed with the truth that the crisis that put it there has been resolved, and then it can be released by opening up to the sensations in our body. Sigh! 

I am not completely sure about her approach but I do know healing is an inside game. We need to start digging our way back from the external world...to the first layer of psyche...from there, through one layer at a time as we attempt to get to what is beneath the mind and story. As we dig we will clang and bang against many trap doors.  We must  lift each door ...shout out, "It's okay!  War's over.  You can come out now."...observe and experience what comes up as it is released.  Then, we move on with the dig until we hit the next trap door, and the next, and the next. 

Her version of digging comes in a variety of modified pranayam, kriya practices, and yoga asanas taking us into the body and from there beyond the body. 

We free the raw energy underneath our stories and beliefs and work with that. page 175

I so want to become unstuck.  I am willing to try out her practices to see if it helps.  It is, afterall, just a modified form of the kriya and pranayama I have been doing. It can't hurt.

Is it ironic though...that as I am beginning this energy code adventure...my mouth and eye act up at the same time?  These are kind of bizarre things within themselves.  As I look around me, I also see others close to me suffering from physical issues and wonder/ ask what they are hiding in their subconscious to cause such a flare up or if it is my wild energy loops affecting them.  D. for example has COPD and I notice as my body starts expressing these ailments...his body does the same...expressing similar energy leaks. Ironically, we are both on the exact same antibiotic at the exact same time ...dose for dose. These were ordered by different care providers through different modes for completely different reasons. What is the statistical probability of that happening? 

I have this sense that this whole house is just vibrating with low frequency "stuck" energy.  You can just see it in the state of it. None of us seem to have the energy to "care for  it" in an unstuck way. If I ask anyone living in it, "Are you feeling stuck?" I hear a resounding "Yes!" We are all living with the heaviness of "stuckness" within an environment that is reflecting that stuckness, though we all have totally different perceptions based on totally different pasts, and different experiences of life. Is that coincidence?  Or is it a shared energy? I hope to God, though...it isn't all coming from this human I call me. I would hate to be responsible for doing this to others.

Anyway, I am rambling again. It is interesting, though, even if it is interesting in a "cra-cra" or "woo-woo" way to think about this energy thing, isn't it? I see so many more possible causes for my stuckness now and in a much deeper way.  I would like to explore this farther.

All is well

Dr. Sue Morter (2019) The Energy Codes. Atria: New York

Truth Beyond Distraction

You are staring at the psyche.  That is why you don't feel God.

Michael A. Singer

Do you still stare at what is going on in your mind more so than you do at truth?  (And no...what is going on in your mind is not truth...no matter how much mind tells you it is...it is just some crazy distorted interpretation of what you are picking up with your five senses.)

I know I still tend to get distracted by what is going on in my mind.  Sensory input will come in and my mind is right there during the physiological interpretation process to add its two cents worth. It jumps right in with its input based on a bunch of things I stored...and it creates a big story around that sensory data...numbing out the sensation with its dramatic say. 

It is hard not to be distracted.  To simply relax into the sensory experience. It is challenging for consciousness not to get sucked into it and the story mind builds around it. Sometimes, that sensory input is literally too "in your face" to ignore, as it was for me over the last couple of days.  First it was the eye...and today it is the tooth again ( I knew they were related somehow...involving an irritated trigeminal nerve.) 

There was no denying what was showing up on the eye...it was visually obvious... or the physical discomfort of it. That was real, sure. It was uncomfortable and somewhat challenging to deal with, but I could relax into it...meditate even. Consciousness could remain in Its Seat observing the experience.That is, until mind came in with its story. And boom! Consciousness got sucked right off Its throne and pulled into the drama. 

Why? 

Because the mind's self-created dramas are as compelling and addictive as a Netflix True Crimes series. It is so much easier to numb in front of a TV set ( even if that TV set is in your mind) than it is to experience the real discomforts of Life in the now, which would include the emerging of a bunch of stored stuff we have put so much time and effort into holding down away from conscious awareness.  Story telling is the mind's way of coping ...by resisting what is real for that which is being made up. Cra- Cra. Consciousness believes the story line and gets lost in the drama.

Then last evening the tooth thing flared up again. There was also no denying that, let me tell ya.  My whole face felt like it was on fire for a few hours last evening. That was challenging enough to handle but mind popped in while the sensory input interpretation and sorting was getting done in the Thalamus with, "OMG!  Can you believe this is happening again? You have a valve issue.  You can't have infections in your mouth! And you have to wait until June 3 just for a consult...so you can have (and pay for) another Xray that you already had done that clearly shows the problem. What is up with that? That is a month away.  Imagine having this pain coming and going for another month. Things like this always happen to you when you present with health related issues, don't they? Why does this health seeking crap always happen to you?" And on and on it went....

I tried to meditate this morning but Consciousness kept getting sucked from attention on breath to attention on the pain and the subsequent story. It was the mind's story, more so than the physical sensation, that was so very distracting. I was pulled down into the garbage.

What is the garbage in my psyche and what is the truth? 

The Garbage

The garbage is the story line based on stored samskaras related to past experiences health seeking.  I have stuffed and stored so much "stuff" inside related to emotionally charged events I didn't fully process through at the time. This garbage became a "build upon" story where one experience was added to another and another and another. Though the events were real at the time they happened they are not happening now...right now at this moment...therefroe they are not truth. My inability to process them turned them into an ongoing story. The story is the buffer that pulls consciousness to the head so I do not have to feel the emotional pain of those experiences in the body or the now. The story and the garbage, then, are not truth. Yet, consciousness can experience this story and get lost in it as if it were...if we let it.

What is the truth?

Truth is what is happening right now in this moment.  There is a bit of pain in my mouth...that physical sensation is neither good nor bad (this judgment takes the experience from truth to story). That sensation is truth. Whatever is happening to my tooth now is truth.  Whatever is going on in my eye now is truth...without story line, or narrative...it just is. Consciousness can experience this. And Consciousness is, of course, truth. So, we have the truth of that which is unfolding in our experience now,  and the Truth of Consciousness witnessing it.   That's it.  Without story or distraction in between...we just have truth.

If we stop going to story, we would simply experience the now as it is. We do not have to smash the TV set, we just have to stop watching it. We do not have to get rid of the story, we just have to stop believing it. We do not have to kill off the psyche, we just have to stop staring at it. We do not have to trample down the self with Self, we just have to realize which Self we are.Then, we would experience the truth of Consciousness. Then, we would live our lives the way we are meant to.  Then we would experience God. 

 It is not about getting rid of what you are looking at...you just have to stop looking at it...it is all about not being pulled down into the garbage while you are doing your life.

Pretty cool, eh?

Note: After listening to Michael Singer's podcast this morning, I quickly reviewed what was read in the last 24 and this entry  from Jan 26, 2023  came up. Coincidence? 

https://dale-lynwritin.blogspot.com/2023/01/drift-back.html

Anyway, all is well!

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( May 8, 2025) Returning to the seat of Consciousness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dS_Eb9hsMtE&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Stories and Distractions

When we know we are energy beings we begin to live away from the fear-based stories our minds create and begin living from the other option that is available to us-the perspective of our true, eternal nature of the Soulful Self.

Dr. Sue Morter

Oh, this eye is annoying...so much "in my face" ...lol.  I can see well and everything but there seems to be so much pressure on the inside...like in and around the orbit itself . The eye feels heavy.  It is hard to keep the lid opened wide. This is a trigeminal nerve thing, I think. I hope I do not end up with a Bell's?? Oh well...if it happens it happens, I suppose. I would really have to say that the universe was trying to have a talk with me then. Wouldn't I?  Seriously, I have been complaining about the intermittent pressure feeling in that eye for years, even before the vessicles started popping up, and I have been fine: no drooping faces, no loss of vision etc...all good.  

Why did I share that?  Still looking to create story with what unfolds in front of me or in me, aren't I? Instead of simply allowing the felt experience of the eye thing, and what it triggers in the form of stuffed emotional discomfort related to past health seeking, that is probably crying to be released...I am resisting it all by skipping out of the physical and energetic body to hide in the mental one.  It is such an automatic habit.

When exactly, I wonder, will the need for building story end in this human I call "me"? At what point of my journey will I finally realize, "Oh my, I am completely empty of the need for story!" 

I take a big leap in my thinking to, "What would life be like to be out of the head, completely embodied, and living in each moment, constantly experiencing the flow of shakti?" 

I can't even imagine.  I am so far from that point, it is too blurry to see. I know that is the direction I am heading in but, like too many humans, I still suffer from spiritual  ADHD, despite the treatment I began years ago. I get so distracted, again and again. I get pulled into this human's dramas to the point I find myself  waking up in the middle of the night in the strange bush not knowing how I got there.  I then have to stumble my way back to the path and start again. After a few more steps, I realize I have wandered off once again. I am constantly wandering off the  path into story. There are so many distractions. And when the end point of the hike is so far away you can't see it...the distractions can have more pull then the end goal does. Sigh!

I guess, we just have to keep letting go of what is distracting our consciousness as we move forward one step at a time. 

 The highest path is learning through your daily life to gradually let go of what is distracting your consciousness. 

Michael A. Singer

All is well!

Teaching Yoga

 Breath is spirit. Breath is life. Breath is you!...We breathe more of out true Self into our energy field and physical body and get energy flowing, so that we can fully embody the life we came here to live.

Dr. Sue Morter

I am not going to get into my opinion of The Energy Codes yet.  I am still reading, still learning, still trying out the practices and I really do not have an opinion yet. I can, however, say that what she offers in the form of teaching is all very, very familiar. Certainly see a lot of "kriya yoga" throughout all of her practices in a modified form...and now pranyama. I see yoga as the basis of what she refers to as her teaching and maybe her ( and her father's) invention? I might have a bit of a hard time with that. She has made unique modifications...for sure...calling them "The Enenergy Codes or B.E.S.T." and she has full right  to those titles and modifications...but no one owns Yoga, no matter what you may call it. :)   Her writing, however, is excellent and her "take" on these ancient practices is secularized in a very practical way to suit today's population. Regardless of what it is or isn't ...she is passing on this wonderful healing teaching in a way that others will receive it.  That is what is important....others are receiving it and healing through yoga.

All is well.  

Energy and the Body

The higher your energy level, the more efficient your body. The more effecient your body, the better you feel and the more you will use your talents to produce outstanding results. 

Anthony Robbins

The eye is flaring up again.  It started a couple of days ago...second bout I had since the last ophthomalogy visist I had in January.  The other was so minor...a couple of vessicles, swollen lid...nothing much.  I could see clearly. I didn't bother trying to access the system for an antiviral...(the ophthomalogist is gone and I am referred full circle back to the optometrist which I have no problem with...he is smart guy...but man trying to acces the health care system just takes so much out of me...)...anyway...the last bout  went away on its own.  When this one started I convinced myself it would be the same...that whatever I was getting was just affecting the lid and not the cornea, that I could let this go...but the pressure and headache I get with these outbreaks can be so annoying... bad with this one.  It must be a bit of trigeminal irritation or something because of the wisdom tooth issue. Infact the wisdom tooth thing probs caused the cold sore out break on my eye. (Imagine getting cold sores on your eye...the universe must me trying to tell a person something when that happens lol). Everything is just aggravated. I can't help but think it has to do with all this negative energy that is shifting around inside me. 

Sounds crazy... I know...but think about it. Everything is energy.  Electromagnetic energy is the second fundamental force of the universe. The more we realize that scientifically and non scientifically, the more we see the body as an electro magnetic energy field.  Look at the heart...we can't deny that is created on  an electro magnetic  energy field can we?  It is a series of electrical impulses that gets the heart to contract/pump...the valves to open and shut. Look at muscle contraction- all a series of electrical impulses through the calcium ion channels. The energy body is a scientific, physiological thing...not a woo-woo thing. And energy is meant to flow "through" things. If it doesn't have both an entrance and an exit route...it accumulates in the body causing all kinds of problems. (Think of a person being electrocuted. If the person doesn't show an exit route they are said to be holding the charge. Not good!)

We can hold the charge.  If the mind is focusing on and clinging to dense low energy things...the body follows suit. We are holding a negative charge that can wreak havoc within the body. I do believe, through years of repression and suppression we block these negative charges inside us....there are things we didn't allow to pass through. We are throwing the "rest potential" out of whack. So we see body issues. 

Anyway...here I am purposefully attempting to unblock this emotionally lower charged stuff and it is moving around zapping me here ( the wisdom tooth issue), there( the eye issue) and everywhere ( the bone issue, the heart issue, the gut issue, the pelvic issue). So if I am carrying such a charge, everything around me that I touch is going to get a zap (external problematic circumstances)??  It is pretty cool to think of it that way.  Of course, I couldn't go to an optometrist or any allopathic  doctor and say, "Hey, I have n electrical energy issue going on in my Ajna chakra area. I need some exit route created." Or to my suffering loved ones, "Oh...I have to back away,  I am a bit chargey. If get too close to you or your problem, we might all get electrocuted." 

Anyway, I am rambling.  It is all so very good.

The Cloudy Cover of Distraction

 You, not distracted,are seated in the Seat of consciousness.

Michael A. Singer

It's crazy. I have been writing about being in this dark night of the soul for many years now.  I have been getting more and more glimpses of light...more and more periods of sunshine and relief ...more and more  responding rather than reacting to life circumstance...more and more "experiencing life" over conceptually thinking about it and living in story with my committed practice...but man...those clouds are still over my head.  Well, they now seem to be inside my head. They are very distracting.  As long as I am distracted...I am not seated in the Seat. 

I have been practicing kriya yoga for many years...but since I started the energy work that Dr. Sue Morter describes in her book... another dark internal cloud cover emerged  in me that I can not quite understand.  It seems to be dripping into my external life with a series of little "problems"....problems that trigger me and aggravate that feeling of "stuckness" and "I need change" that I have been experiencing for many years now. I know this would sound crazy to most...but I do feel some energy being shifted around within me. These samskaras are rumbling and moving. I must be cleansing and purifying then? 

You would expect...if that were the case... more of a opening up of the cloud cover; more of an acceptance of what is: or more of a lightening of experience...wouldn't ya? 

Yet... I am feeling even less satisfied with my now and my present set of situations than I have been.  I feel stuck and that "stuckness" seems to become more and more pronounced with the  energy work I do. The continuing or changing nature of the dark night of the soul... could be  the "friction" necessary for healing change that the author writes about. Or it could be something altogether different. I don't know. 

What I do know though...is that Life feels a little dark and heavy; energy which might be somewhat negative seems to be dripping all around me.  Little things are going wrong and few things are getting better in external world terms. I am okay with it...detached and watching it all go down. I try to accept it all but I have to be careful not to confuse acceptance with fatal resignation anymore. At the same time, I ask, "Am I supposed to accept this crap?  Or am I being shown it is time for me to take action and change that which could be changed?" 

I question if this is the normal consequence of shifting stuck energy...Is it still there but now  moving around in me...growling and rumbling like gas bubbles? Is it just that it is now in the  uncomfortable process of being released...like the stomach pains and nausea that one experiences before one vomits that which was making them sick ( sorry about the imagery). Or is it because I have put away so many illusions and story lines I was hiding the mess under, peeled away so many protective layers that were kind of hiding from me just how dark my mental sky cover was? Are the samskaras with all their hidden dark energy just clouding my vision as they come to the surface?  Is this just a part of the cleansing process? Or am I just going bonkers? lol

Hmm! I am watching and questioning what I am experiencing.  It all seems so bizarre but so heavy at the same time. Yet, I am okay with it. I  tell myself now that everything I am experiencing is there to help me grow into the being I am meant to be. This is what helps....

"Everything that happens to me in this life is always in my favour and I created it on some higher level of my own consciousness for the purpose of discovering my own magnificence." 

All is well.

Teaching Someone How to Suffer

Teach them how to suffer and therefore how to go beyond suffering.

Eckhart Tolle

At one time...I was a great person to come to when you were suffering emotional pain. I had the skills and the mindset to soothe and make you feel better.  I am not so great for the suffering personality to come to anymore. 

I watch my loved one's suffer now and there is this detachment in me that others may judge as "cold". 

I have put aside much of the  therapeutic communication skills I have learned and taught over the years...and I listen without expression.  That just blows the person speaking away. They look at me expecting the co-miseration, the validation of their circumstances as being the cause for their pain that they have come to expect...but I can no longer give them that. 

I no longer join them in their stories by saying things like, "Oh! That is terrible.  I can't believe that is happening and I am so sorry that is happening to you.  That is so unfair. I understand that it or they were so unjust, unkind, or inconsiderate...no wonder why you are upset etc."  

I listen quietly and attentively but they often say in a hurt defensive voice, "Well!  Can you say something to make me feel better? What's wrong with you? You used to be so empathetic and easy to talk to. " 

I just answer with, "I know you are hurting and I do feel bad that you are suffering." That is honest because  I do still feel the emotional energy of others quite intensely. I might even say if I am brave enough to accept the reaction I will likely get from them, "but maybe you do not need to suffer like this.  Maybe, there is another way of looking at this and responding?"  

If they, so entrenched in their story or in this habitual need to create reasons for their suffering, do not shut me down at that point...I might go on to say, " I understand Life can be difficult and can throw things like this at us.  People, in their unconscious states, can also be difficult to deal with.  That is really hard to handle. It is painful and frustrating. I have learned there is so little we can do about that but there is something we can do about how we respond to it all, how much we let it "ruin our day or our life", and how much we listen to the stories mind creates about it."

I may at that point get, " What?  I can't believe you! I just need some validation for my pain over what has happened...not your  woo-woo philosophies. You are so mechanical and cold lately. Don't you care?"

I will usually sigh then before I respond with, "I do care. I do see your pain and I do know you are hurting but with all my practice I also see there is a way out of this suffering  and that is by going through the pain you are experiencing." 

That usually leads to the loved one shutting down, leaving, or reacting even more dramatically when their ego doesn't get what it wants and expects, which is validation of the story in the form of the listener being sucked into it. 

I see the story so clearly now.  I see the pain and I also see the unnecessary suffering that comes with resistance and attachment to this story.  I see a way through! 

But..often the listener is not ready for that. For example, I often deal with individuals diagnosed with "personality disorders."  I deal with people identified with their suffering.  Personality disorders ( which to me is an oxymoron because I believe merely having a personality is a life disorder....so we all have a personality disorder) express the epitome of what Eckhart Tolle refers to as the "Pain body. " The pain is very real!!! These individuals are suffering and making behavioural choices based on that suffering. They are not yet conscious enough to own what they are doing. The attachment to and the identification with the  pain is even more real.  These individuals seem to see themselves as their pain. They build story to rationalize the pain and to define who they are.  They seem to wear so many "prickly" extra layers of personality defense around the core.

Because of their desperate need for relief from the pain they sometimes , unintentionally, act as big vacuum cleaners sucking everything and everyone around them into their story...into their pain experience. Their idea of the support they need  is "full immersion" into the pain. It is easy to drown in that experience of "help!"For that reason, when they seek the listening ear and show of support they deserve from others, they are often met with some resistance.  I, too, feel the twisting of resistance in my gut on many occasions with the simple quesion, "Can I talk to you?" 

In all fairness, I have given much on the psychological and emotional level.  Over the years, I have spent a great deal of time and energy attempting to understand (reading every book available, talking to experts, talking to them etc) their pain experience and how to best approach it. I also allowed myself to get sucked in again and again in hope that it would help.  I "owned" their experienceof pain on many occassions and I felt like I was drowning in it more than once. I now know this wasn't helping behaviour.  How are we going to help a panicking  someone get to shore  if they drown us in the process?  

I value my energy and my healing practice.  I know that I need to be cautious where I physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually focus my attention.  Where attention goes, energy flows. So, I ask myself before I agree to "talk" , "Am I ready for this right now and what it will mean to my energy reserves?" 

And if I meet resistance and reactivity during a conversation or request for "help", as I often do, I quickly pull back knowing that I don't have to take that energy in.  I don't have to own it.  I remind myself that this is their pain; that the suffering they create because of it is theirs as well.  I am not helping them when I help them to build or sustain their unwholesome and prickly defenses. And I am certainly not helping myself when I keep getting sucked into it. It is too draining of my energy. I have learned to fall back away from their reactivity and my remaining reactivity to their reactivity (as much as I can). I continue to listen quietly. I repeat, "I see you are in pain."  I hug when it is called for, I express my love.

I cannot, however, give their hurting egos what they want.  I know it will do no good in the long run.  Sure, I could temporarily soothe those egos by validating that  their experiences are the sole cause of their suffering...but that would be a lie. Besides, I know those egos would never be satisfied for long. I wouldn't truly be helping them...or myself.  It does me no good, what so ever, to fall into their stories...I have too much story of my own to dismantle and get through. Dealing with story in anyone is so unnecessarily draining and unproductive to our ultimate growth. 

Am I being selfish and uncompassionate? My own ego, which is so inclined to please others and solve problems, will jump in at these times to tell me that I am...but the more I detach from story in self and others, the more I realize that  this is the most compassionate thing I can do.

Sigh! Crazy eh? 

All is well in my world

Eckhart Tolle ( 2023?) Do I Cause My Own Suffering? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEH_3GyfIag

Releasing and Healing

 If we want to heal, we must gain access to the thoughts and emotions that have been pocketed away in the subconscious and release them. 

Dr. Sue Morter

You get that, right?  :) 

All is well.

From Story to Sacred

 In the midst of the manifold [the human experience], he who sees that One; in the midst of the infinite death, he who sees that one life; in the midst of the manifold, he who sees that which never changes in his own soul - unto him belongs eternal peace.

Vivekananda

I read that above passage before going to bed.  It soothed me a bit. I am seeking peace and I know that Self realization (seeing what never changes in my own soul, this 'Chit Shakti') is the path to take. I have been on this path for many years, progressing in increments towards the end goal. It has been a slow, arduous journey full of one challenging test from life after another...for me,(though it isn't this way for all). I can finally see how those stages of incremental growth are coming closer together.  In other words, the journey is speeding up a bit.  I am getting through this stage of the dark night of the soul. Life is plopping wise teachers in front of me. (Well not actually...lol...that would be kidnapping...but through their teachings that show up on my lap or on my computer I am offered a light here and a light there as I stumble along through this night.) I see now the very beginnings of a dawn emerging over the horizon. Thank God!  Because this stage, this  "dark night" is a real pain in the you know what! 

Michael Singer...is a guide and teacher I have been given as a gift to see me through.  Not that I am trying to personalize ownership of him lol (or anything for that matter) but it is like he showed up in this life I call mine for a reason. We are on the same vibrational or intellectual wave length. I think about something, write about or speak about something, as I have done yesterday, and I listen to a podcast and sure enough he is talking about the same thing.  And I get it! I get what he is saying so completely. Sigh!

Chit Shakti

He spoke about Chit Shakti today. He said consciousness (Chit) and energy (shakti) are the same thing. He mentioned how energy flows where attention goes....something I have been writing about for a while now.  I think he said, Where you put your consciousness, you put your energy.

I have been doing energy work as I read Sue Morter's "The Energy Codes".  I have been attempting to get beyond the narrative, the story I create in my mind to the felt experience of where my blocked energies...my samskaras... are stored in my body. I am trying to get beyond the intellectual mind with all its concepts and beliefs to the felt experience of what I have stuffed and stored. I know I simply have to experience what is there for it to be released.  But, of course, there is so much story in the way and my consciousness still gets pulled into the story. I am, however, beginning to see this story telling clearly.

Story in the Way of Shakti

Let me give you a long boring example :): 

I woke up with "bone pain" last night.  My hips, my shins, my thighs were really aching...so much so I couldn't fall back to sleep. My mind noticed the body sensations and automatically went into the story. This is how it was talking to me, "Must be a rebound increase in osteoclastic activity since I went off my osteoporosis meds in preparation for the dental surgery coming up. Hmmm! I was more or less told the infected wisdom tooth should be removed quickly because of the mitral valve issue...don't want Infective Endocarditis. So, out of concern I am referred to a place farther away because it was thought I would get in right away but I get a call telling me I do not even  get a consult visit until June. No one there told me to go off my meds but I had the sense to know I should be off it for a few months before any dental surgery that might expose the jaw to potential problems. So...that means this pain might be a nightly occurance for another few months.  Isn't that wonderful! What about those shins? Been having that pain for so long now but the X-Rays are not showing stress fractures.  Either my pain threshold is not as high as I thought it was or I am a wimp!"

The thought stream started with just analyzing the pain but it quickly progressed to a story about past experiences.

"This is how health seeking goes for me...how it always goes for me. My "pain" means nothing to others.  It is as if no one believes it is real.  What is happening in my body doesn't mean anything to others either, it seems. The system is too busy to care about the likes of me.  Maybe, they just want to make money off me or just get me out of their offices by offering me trinkets. This tooth thing may be absolutely nothing! It might not cause any more problems at all...but can I take that chance?   I had a cardiac surgeon tell me I would have to have my valve replaced or repaired in my sixties.  I am in my sixties. In 2009, I was told that I need a stress echo done yearly...I had one a few years ago and that was the only one I had in fifteen. I am not too concerned about the valve-the murmur comes and goes but if there is any strep or staff floating around in my bloodstream it could decide to  pop a squat on one of those old and extra tired cusps of mine.  My luck...it would but I would never be able to get it diagnosed or treated  because nobody has the time to care.  I am on my own on this health seeking journey.  I cannot depend on others."

I know this  part of the story telling is based on  old conditioning ...a result of many not so great past experiences that I have stored over the decades of my life since I first started noticing  and seeking help for these little problems with my heart.  This part of the story was taking me away from self accountability and into an "other-induced victimhood" wrapped in a good dose of  self pity.  :)

Progressing Back through Layers of Story

I caught myself there and started to bring myself back toward the Self...the Seat of awareness...but I knew I  had many layers of story to get through. I had to travel through the "Oh Woe is me" story line to the part of the story where I realized I was focusing on other responsibility in my victimhood instead of focusing on my own. It was more comfortable to project outward than inward. I told myself it was time to look inward at the mess I (not anyone else)  created in my head.  I went through a series of "You know better.  It was up to you to ask and more or less ensure these tests got done. You are intelligent woman, why didn't you advocate harder for your own health?" 

There was much self deprecation and self- blaming in this layer as the hard question was asked.

This question brought me to exploring some old core beliefs partially buried in the shame body layer. (I say partially buried because I have been digging down there for some time). "Man...I really do not think I am deserving of support for my health care needs, do I? Every time I seek help I do so in shame.  I do so with this voice in my head, "How dare you bother others about your problems." How does one advocate for self with that core belief in them?" 

Then it took me to a sense of more generalized shame and unworthiness at the core of my belief system. I was ashamed to even see that was inside me. Then my redeeming analytical mind kicked in again. It told me it wasn't my fault that I believed this and it proceeded to help me to explore why that belief is there. It took me on a whirlwind of memory-induced story. 

Thank God, I caught myself at that point. I realized the mind was taking me on this story ride as a means of escape from having to experience the feelings and sensations I have stuffed and stored and kept pushing back down for so long.  Intellectual mind, as misguided as it was,  was doing me a solid by trying to keep me from the felt experience of my now.  The story telling  itself was a form of resistance to experiencing the moment, which included the  pain in my physical body and the pain of these old stuffed emotions emerging. 

You are causing your own problems. Stop it!

So, I decided no more resisting, no more closing. I sat up on a cushion to meditate.  I was determined to sit with what is without the story. I breathed focusing on the abdomen rising on the in breath, falling on the out breath and began to relax into the experience of physical pain. I began to relax into that feeling of shame as it came up.  When story came up...and it did again and again...I just said "story" to myself and fell back deeper, away from what the mind was doing. I kept falling back toward the Seat.

Then I did some of the "Central Channel Breathing" that Dr. Sure Morter writes about in her book.  I wanted the channels opened. I wanted Chit Shakti to be able to flow freely and that meant some of those blockages had to be lifted up and out of the way. I breathed like this for several moments. From there I did a bit of her "Generating Love: Choosing to Be Loved" Heart Chakra work....to help transmute this feeling of unworthiness  to a feeling of loving and being loved. 

The tears came as I sat, very gently like a soft cleansing rain. I felt lighter.

I fell deeper back away from the story until there was no story.  I knew I wasn't my story or my thoughts.  I wasn't this core belief that had dominated my life for so long.  I wasn't this feeling of shame or unworthiness.  I was the conscious energy that was watching it all go down. 

When I finished the meditation, the pain in the body was still there but I was able to sleep through it. Hmmm!

Learning From the Story Building Tendency

I learned a lot about  the "story" so many of us are all tangled up in, last night. I spent some years studying psychology and psychology is all about understanding the story of "me". It attempts to help us "through" it while we reamin "in" it. I thought for so long that I had to work my way through the story of my life, while in the story of me, to heal.  Even last night...I was working my way through the layers  back to Self. Now I know differently.  

Conscious energy will get pulled into that story and when it does we start to believe the narrative and see ourselves as the protagonist in it. We are not the story nor are we the protagonist in that story. We are that which exists behind that which we are focusing on.

Spirituality takes us beyond the story to the One that is listening.  

You are chit shakti...conscious energy

Dr. Sue Morter teaches that we do not have to process through story to heal. We can go directly to the energy pattern that needs to shift and be released through the body. She too emphasizes that it all just energy crying to be released so Shakti (though she might not use that term) can flow through. I could have bypassed the story altogether last night and gone directly to the energy center in the body needing to be shifted. 

Energy flows where attention goes...is a little mantra I repeat often to myself to remind me to be mindful of what I am focusing on. I think I might like this one from Michael Singer more:

I am where my consciousness is.

"I am" is the sacred Self within. It is consciousness.  It is energy.

What is even more comforting is this

Ultimately consciousness will stop staring away from itself and settle back into itself.

That is what I experienced last night with my conscious intention to remove my attention away from story; to take it from the object of consciousness to consciousness.  

So much of human suffering has to do with being tangled up in a story that keeps us trapped and bound in that which doesn't serve; in a story we created. We are not the stories we tell ourselves.  We are that which is behind them. We are the sacred "I am."

It is chit shakti because consciousness and energy are the same thing!...You're it!

We can fall back into being It!  Or we can stay stuck and bound in our stories.  What do you believe would serve us and the world best?

He who knows he is free is free; he who knows that he is bound is bound. Vivekananda

All is well.

Dr. Sue Morter (2019) The Energy Codes. Atria: New York.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( May 1, 2025) Chit Shakti: The Unity of Consciousness and Energy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jymAbYx9jGU&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Vivekananda, Complete Works, Kindle Edition. 

Measuring Maturity

 The measure of your maturity is in how spiritual you become in the midst of your frustrations. 

Samuel Ulman

According to many spiritual masters, we can measure our progress on this spiritual path by how much things that used to bother us so much bother us now. I had a little test yesterday when I spilled tea on my computer.  Not thinking it was much  I wiped it off and left my laptop where I usually leave it...and went to work.  When I came home and sat down to write...which is the thing I feel so compelled to do all the time...it started to short circuit on me a bit and kept shutting off. Then it suddenly went all black. I knew then it was more than a bit of tea that landed inside my computer. I knew my computer might be in trouble!

At that moment I had a choice: to react in the way I have been conditioned to react, or to respond spiritually to this situation and its possible outcome. 

 Normally, I would have instantly panicked and jumped around screaming, "OMG!  All my work is on that thing...all my years of writing and what not! So much of "me".... I might have lost it all! If this computer doesn't work I don't know what I will do! I need to write!!Why does the universe always punish me so??" I would have been in a very negative frenzy!!

But...I didn't react in that way.  

I certainly felt a bit of worry and fear in the core of my gut. I certainly acknowledged what the worse case ssenario would mean. But I also took a deep breath to remind myself that I have  been operating most of my life by listening to ego and that I don't want to do that anymore. I knew that I have a conditioning in me - a core belief...that tries to prove itself with every challenge I experience. It tries to convince me that "What can go wrong will go wrong in my life...that things will not work out...that the universe must be telling me I am not meant to write...I am not good enough anyway."  I reminded myself that it was just a belief that I adhered to already too much in my life and do not have to listen to it now. I told myself that it is just F.E.A.R. ( false evidence appearing real) . I reminded myself how much this  F.E.A.R. has taken me from experiencing life fully and freely. I reminded myself  that I am now committed to truth rather than my conditioning, that I am committed  to a new way of being. That beingness involves letting go of my attachment to outcome, to the "personality" I define myself as...and means building trust that Life has my greater good in mind. I looked at this possible loss as another opportunity to grow in this faith and truth.

I also reminded myself in those few moments I was calmly picking up my laptop and placing it in rice that though I love to write...I am not just a "writer"...I am so much more than my writing.  If the universe is telling me that writing is in the way of me becoming that which "I am" then so be it. I will listen. I knew what was really important and that was deeper than my computer, or my writing.

I then spent the rest of the day with this compulsion in my gut to write, knowing that I couldn't.  It left me feeling a bit ancy and bored, finding it hard to sit still.  I just kept reminding myself of the above until the feeling went away. I had to do that often.

Then, finally at some point,  I forgot all about the computer, went about my business until bedtime. I meditated a couple of extra times because I had more time to spare. I woke up this morning and proceeded to take the laptop out of the box to turn it on ...without an ounce of concern about the outcome.  Somehow, I knew it would be okay. ...or at least, I would be okay with whatever.  And it was! I was!

Wow! Here I am writing on my laptop.

Yeah,  this little experience showed me that though I still may be stumbling around in the  "dark night of the soul" stuff on this lag of the journey...I am progressing. I am maturing. Infact, the momentum is picking up. I am beginning to move a lot faster toward the light.  Pretty cool.

All is well in my world!