The Cloudy Cover of Distraction

 You, not distracted,are seated in the Seat of consciousness.

Michael A. Singer

It's crazy. I have been writing about being in this dark night of the soul for many years now.  I have been getting more and more glimpses of light...more and more periods of sunshine and relief ...more and more  responding rather than reacting to life circumstance...more and more "experiencing life" over conceptually thinking about it and living in story with my committed practice...but man...those clouds are still over my head.  Well, they now seem to be inside my head. They are very distracting.  As long as I am distracted...I am not seated in the Seat. 

I have been practicing kriya yoga for many years...but since I started the energy work that Dr. Sue Morter describes in her book... another dark internal cloud cover emerged  in me that I can not quite understand.  It seems to be dripping into my external life with a series of little "problems"....problems that trigger me and aggravate that feeling of "stuckness" and "I need change" that I have been experiencing for many years now. I know this would sound crazy to most...but I do feel some energy being shifted around within me. These samskaras are rumbling and moving. I must be cleansing and purifying then? 

You would expect...if that were the case... more of a opening up of the cloud cover; more of an acceptance of what is: or more of a lightening of experience...wouldn't ya? 

Yet... I am feeling even less satisfied with my now and my present set of situations than I have been.  I feel stuck and that "stuckness" seems to become more and more pronounced with the  energy work I do. The continuing or changing nature of the dark night of the soul... could be  the "friction" necessary for healing change that the author writes about. Or it could be something altogether different. I don't know. 

What I do know though...is that Life feels a little dark and heavy; energy which might be somewhat negative seems to be dripping all around me.  Little things are going wrong and few things are getting better in external world terms. I am okay with it...detached and watching it all go down. I try to accept it all but I have to be careful not to confuse acceptance with fatal resignation anymore. At the same time, I ask, "Am I supposed to accept this crap?  Or am I being shown it is time for me to take action and change that which could be changed?" 

I question if this is the normal consequence of shifting stuck energy...Is it still there but now  moving around in me...growling and rumbling like gas bubbles? Is it just that it is now in the  uncomfortable process of being released...like the stomach pains and nausea that one experiences before one vomits that which was making them sick ( sorry about the imagery). Or is it because I have put away so many illusions and story lines I was hiding the mess under, peeled away so many protective layers that were kind of hiding from me just how dark my mental sky cover was? Are the samskaras with all their hidden dark energy just clouding my vision as they come to the surface?  Is this just a part of the cleansing process? Or am I just going bonkers? lol

Hmm! I am watching and questioning what I am experiencing.  It all seems so bizarre but so heavy at the same time. Yet, I am okay with it. I  tell myself now that everything I am experiencing is there to help me grow into the being I am meant to be. This is what helps....

"Everything that happens to me in this life is always in my favour and I created it on some higher level of my own consciousness for the purpose of discovering my own magnificence." 

All is well.