Revising Poetry

 

 In poetry everything is permitted.

With only this condition , of course.

You have to improve on the blank page.

Niconar Parra

 

Sharing a revised poem as part of an exercise from  In the Palm of Your Hand. The objective was to take a poorly written rhyming poem with several of the commonly found poetic mistakes in it and revise it. So I chose this poem from an entry on February 21.  It came out very quickly and it was very poorly written.  There were hundreds of mistakes and poorly written clauses. 

I tried editing to keep it rhyming because it came out rhyming but that was taking too much time and effort so I tried , as the book suggests, to put it in free verse or prose. This could use many more revisions.

I am only sharing it here because the poem originally came out here and it came out here for a reason. 

 Climb to Clarity and the Five Hindrances

Only a moment ago I stood before this massive mountain,

determined to conquer its summit ,

to stamp my triumphant foot upon its peek

and look over the craggy edge 

with newly earned clarity,

I wanted to be able to finally see 

all that was perfect and real

in this world  and in me.

Even the early morning light was saluting me,

radiating support from a perfect blue sky

as I braced myself for this adventure.

I stood at the mountain base,

believing I was so prepared  to begin 

until suddenly

the path that would lead me to my destination

appeared before my untrained eyes to be 

so very, very rough and long.

My heart beat quickened. I wanted to turn around.

If it wasn’t for the invisible Sherpa

hidden within my chest whispering, “climb!”

I would not have moved forward.

The climber within, however, 

would do what it was here to do.

Sighing loudly I lifted my hiker above my reservations and

I took the first step to a better way of being. 

 

Hindrance One: Sensual Desire

I took one step then another, after that another.

I walked and walked and walked

until morning became noon.

The sun beat down upon my skin

turning it a vibrant red.

My muscles ached and the blisters on the souls of my feet bled,

still I walked and walked and walked.

Just when my breath took on the heavy quality of the exhausted

and the thirst of a dessert wanderer burned within my throat,

I spotted a caravan tucked into a remotely hidden alcove of shade.

It’s owner dressed in the finest mulberry silk,

and with heavy Gold bracelets clanking together on his wrists,

came out to greet me.

He guided me to a shady table in amongst the beautiful people

who smiled seductively at me as they gathered all around.

He filled my cup to overflowing and placed plate upon plate

of foreign delicacies in front of me until I found myself so pleasured

I forgot that I was tired.

While the drowsiness of satisfaction oozed through my limbs

he sat down beside me and smiled a perfect smile,

“The road to the top is very hard,” he warned me, “full of sacrifice and misery.

Why not stay behind and hide yourself in all the comfort and luxury I can provide?”

I so wanted to lean into his offer, to stay within his safe and shaded oasis,

to sample all the wonderful things he could provide for me

but once again that little voice inside said “climb!”

I politely put down my cup and leaving a small tip on the linen table cloth

I stood up and began the climb again.

Hindrance Two: Ill Will

Again, I walked and walked and walked,

pretending not to notice as the sky got dark above me

and the wind tugged at my hair and clothes

trying to warn me of what was to come.

I squished down the knowing and I walked.

Before long the sky opened up, pouring  down its fury.

I stopped to hide beneath the full maternal limbs of the nearest pine. 

As I stood there shivering and catching my breath

I heard the desperate voice of another cursing at the rain.

Ahead of me squatting on the side of the path, gasping and in pain 

was a fellow traveller expressing his suffering loudly

to the clouds above our head that  paid no heed.

I left my flimsy shelter and ran to his side to see if he was okay.

He just hissed at me under his breath and swatted me away

as he continued to curse at the sky.

I began to retreat to leave him alone with his misery

but he reached out his hands and grabbed my legs

knocking me down to the ground .

He lay on top of me with all his weight.

I could not move.  I could not cry.  I could not make a sound. 

He spat out his pain and dripped out his resentment,

soaking me with his wrath. 

Then when he was done he got up and

kicked dust in my face before he walked away.

Broken and bruised I lay where I was for what seemed

Like a very long time.

 “Climb!” the little voice within demanded.

Hindrance Three: Sloth and Torpor

I got up then and tried to shake the heaviness of the other off

but his weight would not leave me.

The dark cloud that rained on him followed me,

hiding away any trace of  light.

My mind, so full of his darkness, 

lost its will to go on.

“Stop!" It cried, "rest, you are tired!”

but I remembered my promise and  I travelled on,

dragging heavy limbs

and even heavier thoughts behind me.

I continued to trudge the path to nowhere ,

the end of which I was so sure I would never meet.

Every step required an effort I did not seem to have.

I wanted nothing more than to lie down somewhere

and go to sleep forever.

The little voice, so weak but still persistent,

continued to whisper, “Climb!  Climb!  Climb!”

So I pushed past sloth and torpor and I climbed

 

Hindrance Four: Restlessness and Worry 

With head down I planted one foot  and then the other

I walked and walked and walked.

As I walked on, my determination lifted me somehow,

making each step easier

until it seemed I overcame the obstacle and

had a sense the remaining path would be clear.

As soon as I whispered, ‘thank goodness’ through my labored breath,

other travellers came from nowhere to stand in front of me.

Worry and its restless forms surrounded me and blocked me from going farther.

 The noisy, squawking journeymen jumped back and forth like monkeys,

 pulling me here and there; listing all the things that could go wrong.

Chattering, spinning and pulling at my mind 

they tied me in a knot.

Tangled up and  frightened

I found myself once again unable to go farther

I could not seem to move.

In amongst the fear that rumbled in my belly

came the whisper once again, “Climb!”

I untangled myself from the chaotic mess

turned to Worry and monkey mind’s gang and said

“No !I will not let you stop me!”

Hindrance Five: Doubt and Skepticism

Pushing past their grabbing hands,

I carried on and headed up the hill

so sure that after so much struggle

my temptations would be over.

Life had other plans.

Another traveller jumped from the bushes

before me and stood in my way. 

In a voice all too familiar Doubt painfully listed

the many reasons why I would  fail

in getting to the summit at the end of this long and dusty path.

"You are just not good enough." she wailed.

"You do not have what it takes to succeed

Besides what awaits at the top is just New Age nonsense,

it won't give you what you need."

Her words were so convincing they broke me;

they dropped me to my knees;

And I found myself bent over, unable to go on.

I was so sure that this time, it was it.  It was over.

I turned myself around, following Doubt’s pointing finger

for the quickest way to crawl back to the bottom.

And just when I was about to make  my retreat

the sun broke through the cloud, pouring 

the golden healing light of hope down on me.

I was reminded of my commitment and the voice within me

 once again whispered, “Climb!”

I got up for the last time,

I turned myself around and walking past Doubt 

 I followed the trail before me.

It began to so graciously unwind.

 

I walked and walked and walked.

I climbed and climbed and climbed.

Just when my body cried, “No more!”,

the finish line appeared in front of me,

illuminated in the golden red of sunset.

I had  reached  the top of this mountain 

with its glorious scenic  ledge.

 I sat down on its craggy edge 

and looked out with newly earned inner eyes

to see the world in all its amazing beauty 

more clearly than I ever did before.

I seen myself reflected in its depth

and I seen it reflected in me. 

It was all so perfect exactly as it was.

Weeping in both exhaustion and awe, 

I said a prayer of gratitude

for all the hindrances that tempted 

and taunted me along the way.

I knew then that Life was not there to punish me 

but to challenge me,

to activate the inner Sherpa within me 

so I would climb to my freedom... 

...so I could see what I was meant to see

and  be what I always was.

Dale-Lyn February, 2021

Happy Easter

 Easter is meant to be a symbol of hope, renewal and new life.

Janine di Giovanni

Happy Easter Everyone!!  Hope you have a lovely Easter Sunday if you are Christian and a lovely spring Sunday if you are not.  I suppose if you are in other parts of the world it may be Autumn...so just have a great and peaceful Sunday. :) 

I saw a robin this morning when I woke up...out on my lawn which was free of snow unusually early. And I thought to myself, "Awe! Spring has definitely sprung early this year." 

Two hours later it was snowing.  I hope the robins, still tired from their long migration, find shelter.  Of course, they know what spring is like in Canada's Atlantic provinces.  They peek in through my windows and  know there is a reason  I tend not to put away any of my winter/snow gear until May 1.  :) 

It is all good!

I am very tired...very tired .  I have not been sleeping well...related to the biological changes my body is going through, I am sure...as well as the spiritual/psychological  changes going on inside.  I am dreaming about the things I learn and share here.  I am learning in my dreams and I am teaching.  I am reading in my dreams and I am writing.  I am being healed in my dreams and I am healing others.  Quite kooky, actually...but nice.  The gap between waking and sleeping is getting thinner and thinner for me...whatever that means.

I am even more committed to my Life long mission...to establish true peace of mind that is independent of the going ons outside of me.  I am getting there.  I really am. 

Easter is a good time to reflect on that awakening ...The cross can mean many things besides the obvious (the crucifiction) . It can represent the intersection of the invisible through the visible; the spiritual through the material; the spirit thorugh the ego; the deep through the  superficial; light through the darkness; truth through illusion and Love through fear. Hmmm!

Anyway...have a lovely day!

All is well!

Stop Resisting!!

 Stress only happens when you resist life's events. If you are neither pushing life away, nor pulling it toward you, then you are not creating any resistance.  You are simply present.  
In this state, you are just witnessing and experiencing the events of life taking place. 

Michael Singer, pg 149

So what is the answer to every so called "problem" we have? 

Stop Resisting!!!

If you want to be happy and to stay happy...stop resisting!

If you want to have uncomplicated loving relatonships with others...stop rsisting!

If you want a body that is free of stress induced illness...stop resisting!

If you want a mind that is centered, peaceful and calm...stop resisting!

If you want life to get easier for you...stop resisting!

If you want to advance spiritually ....stop resisting!!! 

Events are not Problems

The events you are experiencing right now are not problems.  The people you are confronting right now are not the problems.  The tension or full blown illness you are experiencing in your body right now...is not the problem The thoughts, feelings and energy  that are wanting to pass through you right now are not "problems" either.

Resistance is the Problem

The only problem is your resistance to what is! Because of some past memory and emotion you have stuffed  in the past that is now jammed up in you like the water behind the Hoover Dam and because of your incessant fear and determination to avoid disturbing that water and keeping the dam of your psyche  functionally holding it back...you resist. You resist the energy of those particular events Life is presenting you with that you fear will not fit neatly in your mind, that will cause the dam to collpase and the torrents of water on the other side to come pouring through.  So as the events of today  begin to drip and ripple inside you...you use your mighty all powerful will to say, "Stop!"  You resist them and you push them back.

Resistance actually causes more problems. These things you are pushing back  do not leave you they just back up creating more tension, more pressure and more liklihood that the dam of yours will burst open.  Hmm! 

So the boss lays you off.  Now to most of us that is a very real problem and it would seem normal and natural to be upset by that...to go beyond our committment of happiness no matter what. To see this event as the cause of our disturbance.

But the lay off is not the problem.  

What happened  is you resisted the lay off and the energy that goes with it because you could not find a place where it would fit neatly in your jammed up energy reserves without causing a major disturbance.  So instead of letting ( or being able to let) the energy of the lay off to just flow through you ...you backed up the energy with your resistance  until it caused even more pressure on you.  

It takes a lot of energy to do this...so not only do you risk exploding with the built up energy you accumulate with every thing of Life's you  resist , you risk "burning-out" .  

Events are not the problem.  Life is not the problem. Resisting Life then is not the solution ...it is the problem!

Letting Go, Relaxing and Releasing

Instead of resisting and building up tension...we can use life to let go of all this stuffed and stored energy from the past.  We start taking the dam a part piece by piece and we allow all the "stuff" on the otherside to be released. Then we can allow  the energy of this moment to pass through us. We can be  there fully for what is right in front of us, right here, right now. 

So when we do get laid off...we  have room in there to allow all that energy to pass through us.  We feel the shock, the grief, the loss without resisting or clinging to any of it. We just let it pass though.  We definitely deal with the situation but only after we let the energy pass through.  

We do not "react" by beating up the boss or spray painting a "F...u" on our old desk...We relax and lean into the reality of what is, "I got laid off" and we allow the  energies to pass through. Then when we are clear and centered, we can decide what has to be done.  If we prevent the energy from  passing through......we will only add more tension. We will not be "clear" enough to deal with the lay off effectively. 

Events are not problems...the mind makes them into "problems".  The Lay off is not the problem. Life is just unfolding in front of you  as Life is meant to do.  Things come and things go.  It really isn't anything personal.  

Observe your mind in challenging situations to watch as it makes everything that happens around you  a personal problem. If we do not have the awareness to detach from it and step back and watch it unfolding, the lay off will be about the "little me" and  resistance will come into to play....creating a problem.

You will be surprised to find that in most situations there's nothing to deal with except for your own fears and desires.  

We need to stop resisting Life and simply learn to accept it as it is. 

Learn to stop resisting reality, and what used to look like stressful problems will begin to look like stepping stones of your spiritual journey. 

Hmmm!  Something to think about!

All is well!

Michael Singer ( 2007) the untethered soul. New Harbinger/Noetic Books

No Matter What

 Do you want to be happy from this point forward for the rest of your life, regardless of what happens?

Michael Singer, page 142

Really read this question before you answer it. Most of us would say without hesitation , "Oh yes, I want to be happy from now on!".  But what about the 'regardless of what happens' part?  Do you really want to be happy no matter what? 

Hmm! As you know, I have recently been whining about a dilemena I had regarding a change I thought I had to make right away in order to be happy.  In the midst of my dilemna I had this "aha" moment where I realized that I don't need to make the change in order to be happy, that I should concentrate on being more conscious, centered and committed to unconditional happiness first.  I realized that I wanted to be able to be  happy no matter what as going on around me!  Not saying it is easy lol, but that is what I want! 

No Matter What

What about you? 

Are you saying with all your heart that you want to be happy and are committed  to being happy no matter what? Will you hold your committment  to being happy when the bank forecloses on your mortgage? When you stub your toe? When the kids end up addicted to drugs or in prison?  When the dog gets hit by a car? When you realize that no matter what you "do"   the person you are with is unable to give to you in a way that makes a relationship 'healthy'? When you get the flu? When your loved ones die? When someone tells you off?  When you get in an accident and total your new car? When the workplace you are at becomes toxic and posionous? When someone spills beer all over the  scarf you just knitted and doesn't tell you? When you get the cancer diagnosis? When the roof leaks? When you get fired from a job you were at for 15 years? When someone steals your lawn mower? 

I could go on and on and on here because there are a billion things that could happen in your life to challenge you. Many of which we could not even imagine until they happened. Things are going to happen!  That is a given! Knowing that, are you still willing to add the 'no matter what' to your ,"Yes, I want to be happy from now on..."?

Making Happiness Unconditional

Most of want to be happy or agree to work towards staying happy on condition.  "I will stay happy if this or that doesn't happen." Yet we won't maintain happiness that way. We have no control over what happens do we?  Life is going to keep doing what Life does challenging us.  In fact, once we make the committment to be happy no matter what  Life will challenge us even more to test our committment. 

The mind will step in when things happen and tempt us away from our promise to ourselves by saying things like, "Oh Wow...that is a really sucky thing he did. It is understandable if you are unhappy about that and choose to let it get you down. No one could be happy when that happened." 

I recently experienced several lectures from my mind about how I should feel and react to the things going on around me. It was trying to convince me, in a sense, that it was okay to choose unhappiness in response to the situations I was encountering. Of course our emotions at the time of encountering challenges are perfectly okay whatever they are...we just have to notice them, allow them and watch them pass through while we stay peacefully, and happily centered. We do not have to choose unhappiness, however.  We can still be happy. 

Well you can be happy when that happens or when this happens or when the sky falls on your head.  Happiness has nothing to do with events...it has to do with you and whether or not you stay open to all Life has to offer. 

Events don't determine whether or not you're going to be happy.  They are just events. You determine whether or not you're going to be happy.  You can be happy just to be alive. You can be happy having all these things happen to you, and then be happy to die. page 143

Why Make a 'No Matter What' Committment 

Well if we really want to be happy in a way that sustains us, we need to remove the conditions that Life behaves the way we believe it should.  Life is going to do what Life does.  Events are going to flow in and out of our experiences. Feelings, thoughts and energies will do the same.  We have very little control of it.  Trying to control it is senseless and crazy making and will not bring happiness.  Even when things do go our way and we feel a temporary bout of happiness...if that happiness is dependent on the event it will not last because the event will not last.  

If we want to reach a state of being that is permanently peaceful and joyful, we need to make happiness an inside game, one that is independent of circumstances or people being a certain way. We add the 'no matter what' so that we are truly happy in a way that lasts. 

We also make this committment for our spiritual evolution. 

Unconditinal happiness is a very high path and a very high technique because it solves everything. page 146

It gives our Life purpose.  We partake on a healing life long mission of letting go when we say, 'no matter what'. 

...what you are doing with the rest of your life is already defined-you're letting go of yourself so you can remain happy. 146

It helps us to honor God, The greatest gift one can give to God is to be pleased with His creation ( and that includes all that is created whether the mind judges it as good, bad or ugly). 

And it helps us to get closer to God, If you remain spontaneously happy and centered, no matter what happens, you will find God. 147

How to Stay Happy No Matter What

Okay so we are saying , "Yes I want to be happy no matter what!" We are committing to that and meaning it. So how do we ensure that we keep that committment? 

We start by removing all ifs , ands or buts from our inner pledge by letting go of  our need to attempt to control Life events.  We let life be Life and we keep our determintaion to stay happy.

Three C's may help to keep us on this path: Stay Concious, Centered and Committed

Conscious: Be aware of what is happening around you and how you are responding to it.  Do you notice the energy shifting in different ways inside you as you expereince life events. Once you begin to feel that tightening inside that may indicate that you are about to close...don't! 

Centered: Remind yourself constantly that you are not what is happening to you or the voice in your head that says, "you should be unhappy because of this." You are the witness sitting  in spacious consciousness that is watching Life do what Life does! You do not need to lose your center.  You can be happy here and now no matter what is going on around you. 

Committed: Stay committed to your goal of  maintaining the spiritual high unconditional happiness provides. Be prepared for the psyche's attempt to come in to pull you from the happiness by making you focus on teh events as problems.  Just don't go there. Resolve yourself to being happy no matter what. 

Staying happy no matter what, I am personally learning,  is not an easy game to play but it is a very worthile one.  I am committed! What about you?

When you are done playing with the temporal and finite, you will open to the eternal and infinite.  Then the word "happiness" can't describe your state. page 147

Miachael Singer (2007) the untethered soul. New Harbinger/Noetic Books

Stop Clinging to Your Walls

 If you want permanent peace, permanent joy, and permenant happiness, you have to get through to the otherside of the inner turmoil...You just decide once and for all, to take the  journey by constantly letting go.

Michael Singer, page 136

Hmmm! Chapter 14 of the untethered  soul, really packs a punch.  It further expands on the the idea that we as humans tend to build false refuges around ourselves to make our inner lives as bearable and as pain free as possible. Singer explains again how we suffer when we put so much of our enegy into trying to hold these fortresses together. 

It also expands on the idea that the  only way to truly free ourselves to  experience the full lives we are meant to experience is by walking through the  very pain and discomfort we built the refuge to protect ourselves from. We do that by letting go of the structures, walls, mental schematas, and personas we created to hide behind. 

He explains these concepts a little more by describing  two other concepts: clinging and what many of us would call the  ego ( though he does not use that term).

Clinging

Clinging, he tells us, is the grabbing onto and the holding onto selected  thoughts (which would include memory and conditioned beliefs),  emotions and certain energies as they pass by and through us, in an attempt to build a stable mental structure we can live with and hide behind. Because Life is so unpredictable with its comings and goings, and our "unstructured minds" are even more unpredictable and stormy...we have a tendency as humans to cling to certain versions of reality that will help make sense of everything that is in us or outside of us, that will put a certain order , security, predictability into the way we see the world.  We select the thoughts, feelings and energies that help us to do that and resist or push away the ones that don't.  The ones we hold onto become the bricks that build the walls of the structures,  that define who we are, that create a sense of self.  We build the structure  and then we  will cling to it with all our might as long as we think it is protecting us and helping us make sense of Life. Professionals may call it the building of a mental schemata.  Singer calls it the  creation of "an island of apparent solidity".

Clinging builds the bricks and mortar with which we build a concept of self. In the midst of vast inner space, using nothing but the vapour of thoughts, you created a structure of apparent solidity to rest upon. 

Ego? 

Let's look a little more into this structure we built ( the mental schemata) .  Singer refers to it in many ways: the fortress, the island of apparent solidity, the model of who you are, the focus of a very narrowed consciousness, the false self and a facade. He sees it as an extension of and a very narrowed and limited use of consciousness.  He  does not call it ego.

I have learned over the years to look at it as a seperate entity in a sense just so I could better understand it and disidentify with it. I, and many others, would refer to it as 'ego'. Again terminology means absolutely nothing in the long run. 

What we need to recognize, regardless of what we call it, is that we have built something 'unreal' to protect us from the 'real' .  We cling to an "unreal" mental structure and hide behind it  in a fruitless attempt to avoid fear and pain.  Fear and pain are forever knocking holes in our walls. We are therefore in an endless struggle to hold them up.  We  turn discomfort into suffering. This becomes the focus of our attention.

In the Background

This structure is in the forefront of our lives and we are so focused on it and the drama of holding it together that we forget all about  what is in the background of our lives: the true Self, Awareness, a more expanded consciousness. We are not what we created in front of us...we are that which is in the background, never changing, always watching and never disturbed. 

In order to end suffering we must stop clinging...let go of those things we were holding onto and  fall back into that witnessing spaciousness that scares the blank out of us because it doesn't make sense to our egos/ the structures we built. None of it is solid anyway! 

In order to remember who we truly are, we have to face the inner turmoil, the mess inside, and the fear of falling back into nothing. We also need to   face Life as it is in the  moment, let go and let it pass right through us. Painful...but necessary for our puriifcation. 

We need to stop clinging to what isn't real; stop trying to protect that which keeps us imprisoned and stop running from any disturbance created by what is. 

Instead, you will actually permit the things that disturb your model to act as dynamite to break it up and free you. 

Let the walls crumble! 

We do that by putting our hands down ( no more clinging, no more trying to hold up) .  We do that by no longer asking, "What do I do about this?" when dsiturbance starts putting holes in our walls.  Instead we ask..."Who am I that notices this?" 

You are not that which is being disturbed or the disturbance... You are that  which watches the disturbance.  You are awareness and Awareness transcends what it is aware of. It is as seperate as lightis  from what it shines upon. page 136 

Fall behind and relax in what is!

Your only way out is the witness.  Just keep letting go by being aware that you are aware. 136

All is well. 

Enduring a Zap for Freedom

 A spiritual being feels as though they are always against that edge [the walls/fence of the comfort zone], and they are constantly being pushed through it.

Michael Singer, pg 124

Wild Lexie!

I once had a dog  named Lexie.  Lexie was a wild dog in the sense that she was so full of Life her energy seemed uncontainable. She just wanted to be everywhere doing everything at once.  She would run in all directions, literally chasing the wind.  The boundaries of our yard meant absolutely nothing to her.  The entire world, to her,  was her home. 

Fencing In With Fear

As a pet owner in a neighborhood where the neighbours were more than vocal about dogs being tied and restrained in their yards...I was in a conundrum.  I, of course, also wanted to protect her from her tendency to just shoot across the road after whatever caught her fancy.  I had already lost one dog to  a moving vehichle. I didn't want to lose another.  So I had to find a way to keep her in the yard.

My brother gave me an electric fence which created an invisible barrier around my property.  I would put a collar on her and whenever she got close to the barrier she would get an uncomfortable zap.  Positioned a short distsance from the barrier were little white flags that acted as visual cues and reminders that she was getting close to the zap. The purpose of the fence was to train the dog by creating  enough fear  of discomfort in  her that she would choose to stay within the confines of the boundary.  

Dogs would learn, it was proposed, to fear the zap and thus avoid going outside the fence.  The fear, and the desire to avoid pain would, it was believed, even prevent the dog from going past the white flags ...that is...even close to the barriers.  The fear of discomfort became the training tool, keeping the dog in a limited geopgraphical space...making them comfortable physically and psychologically only within a certain area and making them fear what was beyond it.

Sound like a comfort zone to you? 

We, as humans,  are almost trained in the same way, are we not?  After a few loses and painful conflicts we become afraid of traffic and neighbours.  So  we build these invisible walls around ourselves. We create a small, safe and limited space to live ( at least in our minds). We limit where we can go for the sake of protection and safety.  Fear motivates us to avoid getting too close to the edges of our comfort zones.  

We have been zapped when we were close before...it wasn't pleasant...we do not want to get zapped again.  So we learn to pay close attention to where the white flags are and we don't go past those.  The white flags in our psyches are those inner feelings of beginning disturbance...anxiety, discomfort, a bit of unease, the fear of fear.  They are usually enough to prevent us from getting close to the actual fence.  

If for some reason we walk past these flags in our minds the feelings increase until we butt up against the edge and feel the intense zap of Life .  We may panic and retreat back.  We learn  then to not only avoid the painful zap of Life outside our invisible walls, but the feelings that tell us we are getting close to those walls. Our worlds get smaller and smaller.

We stop thinking that we caged ourselves in and do whatever we can to make this place "homey". We stop caring about what is out there beyond our comfort zone.  Fear keeps us away from that.  We create a nice comfortable world within the barriers and tell ourselves this is where we want to be, safe and comfy inside. 

The Electric Fence Did Not Work for Lexie

Hmm!  The electric fence did not work for Lexie.  She knew somehow that her home was far bigger and more spacious than the little yard we limited her to.  She knew somehow that the world was an amazing place to run in and explore. She knew  that she did not have to stay imprisoned by her fear. She gradually learned through testing  that though it was uncomfortable, the zap she got ,would not kill her. 

I watched her over the weeks we had her fenced in as she pushed past her need for comfort and gradually nudged her way past the white flags. I watched her as she worked her way closer and closer to the edge. I watched her as I clenched my teeth every time she got a zap and there were many, many zaps.  I also watched as she continued to keep going close to that edge and how the distance she retreated  back after each zap became shorter and shorter  until one day she leaned  right into the edge. She just stood there while she got zapped, enduring it, almost as if she was relaxing into it,  before walking right through to the other side.  

On the other side of her other imposed comfort/safety zone...there ws no more zapping, no more imprisonment, no more limitation.  she found herself in this amazing, infinte space  where she could run and play without limitation.  She was free.  And she freed herself the moment that she decided she wanted to get beyond the barrier.

Wanting to Go Beyond

We can do as Lexie did and decide that we want what is beyond this limited version of reality  we created in our psyches. We can get beyond all that mental effort  we have to put into keeping this place comfortable.  We can get past our fear by walking right smack dab into it.  Instead of retreating back when we get those uncomfortable feelings that tell us we are getting close to the edge of our comfort zone, we can do as Lexie did, and keep going.  Then when the comfort turns to a full out "zap" we will know we are at the edge.  We can do the opposite of what we trained ourselves to do when we feel pain...we can relax and lean into the wall.  We will then fall right through! 

A bit of discomfort, a  momentary zap, is something we can all endure if it allows us to get past our own limitations, isn't it?  Lexie knew that something amazing existed beyond her comfort zone, that the whole world was her home and she was a dog. Isn't it about time that we, as the so-called intelligent species... realized that too? 

All is well in my world. 

Readers

 Readers are not sheep, and not every pen tempts them.

Vladimir Nabokov

Well dear readers or dear bots whatever you are, I see your numbers are dwindling again.  Sometimes the stat  peeks are as high as a 100 perday (well that is high for me lol) and now today you are down to 7. And it's all okay! It is a reminder like the stocks I invest in (with my whopping big  retirement fund...sarcasm)  of how all things in life are always waxing and waning...you go up and down, you come and go, you flow in, you flow out and it is all good as it is. 

If my writing  energy were to be dependent on the readership stats, or on your opinion of me...then that would be a problem.  But it is not.  Whatever is pulling me here is bigger than you ( no offense) and it is bigger than me.  So obediently I come and I do what I am asked to do. How many readers I get is secondary to my mission.  Heck I am not even quite sure what that is yet! 

Thank you though for reading.  I do appreciate it.  

And if it just a bunch of R2D2's randomly tapping in that give me the occassional spikes ...I am okay with that too...because it is what it is and what is...is. 

All is well!

Let the Walls Come Down

 If you see a wall and it is protecting you from unending darkness, you will not want to go there. But if you see a wall that is blocking the light, you will want to go there in order to remove the wall. 

Michael Singer, page 116

Dark Walled In Spaces

I have been thinking about my kitchen

I bought the house I live in now because it was close to the house I left when I got divorced.  I wanted to avoid upsetting my children's lives as much as possible.  I wanted them to have the sense that I was physically close when they were at their Dad's and that he was close when they were with me.  I wanted them to go to the same school, ride the same bus, have the same friends and neighbours around them that they had when we were all together.  I wanted as much "same" as possible for them in order to reduce, in some small way, the pain of adjustment.  So I, despite how it made the neighours talk ,  bought a house that was literally only three houses away from their Dad's for that reason only.

When I first seen the house  I was not impressed at all by the kitchen.  Under different circumstances it would have been enough to make me turn around and walk away.  I had more important reasons, however,  for choosing that house.  So I bought it. 

I swallowed hard when we moved in  and did my best to ignore the dark entrapped feeling I got walking into the house through that room.  There were very little windows and no light.  The cupboards were dark and the walls seemed so oppressive.  I could tell that the previous owners, designed it  as such as a way to hide away from the world outside. For them it was "comfortable and cozy". The walls, I suppose,  protected them from the "darkness" outside. For me it was just claustophobic and dark inside!

I  hated that room.  It felt like the walls were embracing the darkness and for some reason I would almost get depressed being in the kitchen. I tried to diminsh that  darkness over the years by adding lighting, and  painting the walls a sunny  yellow.  Still it was just dark.  

I then started trying to think like the builders did ...and appreciate the  fact that it did hide me away from the rest of the world.  No one "out there" could see me or my mess when I was in the kitchen and I could not see them.  There was a certain protective quality to it.  

Still the kitchen left me feeling dark and heavy.  I felt stuck and trapped not only in that room but in my life! 

Wanting Light Over Protection

One day  I looked at the main wall in the kitchen and realized it served no protective purpose what so ever.  It was not even a support wall! Infact,  all it was doing was blocking the light from the room with the big picture window behind it from entering. 

Wanting light, I knew what I had to do.  So I, with help from a carpenter, hammered and crowbarred our way through that wall, creating  a large opening in it for a pass-through counter. The room immediately  opened up, the light came in and it was heaven!  I felt  a spacious airiness and a freedom  I had not felt in a while.  

The Walls We Build In the Mind

Hmm! When we see that the walls we build around ourselves for protection  are only hurting us in the long run...by blocking light and  entrapping  us in darkness...would it not make sense to  take them down or at least open them up? 

We build these walls around our tender parts, like the previous owners of this house did, to create a safe  environment , a comfort  zone  we can hide from the world in.  Yet in our seeking protection and safety because of fear over what 'out there' may  cause discomfort 'in here'... we close off from the amazing light that Life has to offer all of us. We entrap ourselves in darkness and tell ourselves it is safe,  "cozy and comfortable" when it is merely oppresive and dark. 

We do not need to live with oppressive and dark.  We can live in light and spaciousness. We do that by first recognizing that the walls we build around ourselves are blocking light more than  they are protecting and supporting us.  

Then we walk toward those walls, even if it scares the *&^% out of us to do so. We can pick up a hammer, a mallet or whatever we have and begin making holes in that flimsy dry wall our minds provide.  We actively open up the wall and embrace the light on the other side.  

But we do not need to do the demolitition ourselves. All we have to do is to stand there and give  Life permission to be the carpenter.  Let it tear the wall down  for us.

You can get out simply by letting everyday life take down the walls you hold around yourself.  You simply don't participate in supporting, maintaining, and defending your fortress.  

The light is always there we just cannot see it through the walls. We can let the walls come down!

All is well. 

Micahel Singer ( 2007) the untethered soul. New Harbinger/Noetic Books

Hey Mind...You're Fired!

 One of the essential requirements for true spiritual growth and deep personal transformation is coming to peace with pain.

Michael Singer, pg 99

We have given our minds a totally overwhelming job to perform and we don't even realize it.  We go from blaming the outside world for making it tough for us, to blaming the mind.  Yet can we really blame this amazing tool we have been given for doing what we asked it to do?  It is here to serve us and serving us it what it is doing.

Huh?

The Impossible Job Assignment: "Stop me From Experiencing Pain!" 

Somewhere along the line we decided that pain was a bad thing and something to be avoided.  So we gave our minds this big mission to assist us in the avoidance of it.  We told it to go out into the world and make it as safe and comfortable as possible, to clear the path so nothing scratches us or disturbs our comfort. We asked it to manipulate the world and other people so that it or they do not hurt us. 

So the mind now genertaed by the fuel of fear...works nonstop trying to figure things out...trying to figure out how to make us someone that everyone loves, trying to figure out how to make that person there more loving and accepting of us and this person over here kinder and easier on us, tring to figure out how to protect us from all the stuff that is happening around us like the weather, trying to figure out how to stop things from coming in and disturbing us and what to do about them when they inevitably do??

 Our mind, then, has to work nonstop to figure out how to get the world to behavee enough so we feel safe in it! And when we do have pain inside it works even harder to protect us from having to deal with that. 

So it works and works and works to serve us on this job it has been  given by  us.  It fails sometimes...it lets things in that disturbs us.  It doesn't stop the world from acting up or Life from changing. Hmm! And we blame it?

Our minds are not to blame .  We are.

You are the one who is trying to use the analytical mind to protect you from the natural unfolding of life. pg 95

The mind is just doing the job we told it to do. It is doing what we asked it to do...help us run from feeling pain.

How is that working for you?

I know it isn't working for me.  Life just keeps doing what it does...dumping painful experiences in front of me. As hard as my mind works it just cannot stop me from feeling pain all the time.  And it shouldn't.  In order to grow and expand, to make room in our hearts for what is really important...we have to stop running from pain! We don't keep expecting Life to stop doing what it is doing...nor do we keep expecting the mind to succeed in its impossible mission. 

We can instead turn to our lovely, useful minds that are here to serve us and say, "Hey Mind...You're fired!" 

Of course...in this enforced lay off...we are not expecting the mind to shut down, and leave the boardroom forever.  We just fire it from the ridiculous job we have given it, one it was not trained for! 

And not becasue it failed us...it did teh best it could. We just  realize that is a job that could  never be filled by anyone or anything because it is a job that does not serve in the long run.

You do not need to avoid pain...you need to make peace with pain...to notice it, accept it, make peace with it and release it. Only then will you succeed at what is really important...living your life wholly and with deeper purpose.

All is well in my world.

Michael Singer (2007) the untethered soul. New Harbinger/Noetic Books

Grateful

 Everything will be okay as soon as you are okay with everything. And that is the only time everything will be okay.

Michael Singer

I am very, very grateful to Michael Singer for writing this book I am reading for the third time, the untethered soul. I am grateful for those "slush pile diggers"(or whoever they were)  from New Harbinger and Noetic Books that picked up the manuscript and decided to pass it up the chain for publication. I am grateful for whatever that was that inspired Singer to write it and the publishers  to take  the risk. I am grateful for whatever that was that made me pick it up the first, second and third time and realize , "Maybe there is something in here that will help me learn or relearn what I need to learn to go farther on this journey." I am grateful to whatever it is that leads me here everyday to share with you what I learn and relearn from his words.  I am so grateful for the whole process.

Hmmm! 

All is well.

Don't Cut Off a Limb To Get Away From Disturbance

 

Once you learn that it's okay to feel inner disturbances, and that they can no longer disturb your seat of consciousness, you will be free.

Micheal Singer 

Easy to Get Disturbed

Side note:  I am really sick of my lazy fingers not keeping up with my mind leading me to make silly typos...like  these 'e' before 'i' mistakes I am making all the time in words like 'expereince'...see did it again...experience...lol and I often do the opposite for words like receive and perceive. I also struggle with 'because'...creating some strange word jumble with it. 'The' is an annoying problem too...I tend to type 'teh'...and then because I do not have spell check on this, I  have to go back afterwards and correct all my 'teh' typos.  Do you know how many times a person uses 'the' in a 500 + word entry?  A lot. Just thought I would pass that on...as we continue to speak of how the outer world disturbs our inner lol

Speaking of disturbances, are you sick of me talking about this dilemna I am experiencing brought on by this push to make a change? 

Well I am starting to believe Life, the teacher, lined up the lessons beautifully for all of us.  There is definitely a lesson here that I am meant to learn and that I am meant to share.

Caught in Rubble?

All this stuff ( life circumstance and challenge) piled  up outside me...like rubble from a wreckage.  I find myself thinking that I am disturbed because some of this rubble has landed on my left leg entrapping me in it. At the same time I hear a faint voice underneath the wreckage saying, "Help!  Help!" 

That voice  makes me feel more uncomfortable than the leg does. I don't want to deal with it.  So  I reach for the  saw to cut off my limb,  just so I can get away.  Then before I get my trembling hand around the handle of the saw,  something deep within spurs me to read untethered soul again.

Reminder of the Truth

I am reminded, once again,  of this wise truth within me...It is like: 

"Aha!I am finding myself "stuck" now  so I can release whatever that is under the rubble trying to get my attention. Cutting my limb off to avoid the discomfort of some buried crap is a ridiculous idea.  It is only going to cause more pain and disability.  It is not going to free me. "

"If I really want to be free of this so called suffering once and for all...I need to pick away at the rubble while I am here so that my leg, as well as the  trapped energy/emotion/trauma...whatever...can be released. Sawing my darn leg off, running ( hopping) away, and trying to change what is happening 'out there' is not going to save me from discomfort  for long. In fact, it will only compound the problem. I will be hopping around  in  intense pain, bleeding all over the place...and that voice will still be there getting louder and louder annoying me until I set it free. Life will keep piling up the circumstances until I release what needs to be released whether I am standing on one or two legs."

The problem will be back the moment the external situation [the change or in the case of this example...the cutting off of the leg to run from the voice in the rubble]fails to protect you from what is inside. page 84

Running Away Into Change Could Compound the Problem

I know that is a pretty drastic way of looking at it but that is what we do, isn't it, to run from  painful feelings that are being stimulated by some outside disturbance? We put all our energy into "doing" things to control or change  our outside experience just so we do not have to deal with the pain we stuffed.  We manipulate  things to prevent us from having to deal with the inner cries should they make so much as a whimper in their attempt to be heard. We blame Life for our being stuck in our suffering.  We blame the rubble  of circumstance and we do whatever we can so that we can run from it or numb from it, rather than embrace it as a learning opportunity. We are even willing to  cut off parts of who we are so we do not have to deal with these inner problems.

Hmmm! I felt "stuck" in the  circumstances Life had recently handed me.  I had this intense need to get away from it all or at least part of it...not so much because these circumstances were weighing heavily on me as they were in the here and now but because  they were somehow activating some unhealed crap buried inside me that I didn't want to deal with. 

They were touching my stuff and I didn't want my stuff touched.

I felt  I had to stop my stuff from getting touched in the way it was getting touched.  I was debating over the need to make some drastic life changes that I knew  there would be no going back from. Making these changes in my external life seemed like the thing to do. This decision would be deemed logical and supported by many others. It represents the way our society tends to think today. 

Yet...the wise part of me knew ...as reminded by Singer... that this change would require alot of effort, a lot of pain and alot of suffering for others...all so "my stuff " would not get touched.  I was willing to take such drastic measures in a fruitless attempt  to protect some inner crap, I didn't want in me in the first place.  I would have compounded the so called 'problem', the  suffering tenfold...just like sawing off a leg...when all I had to to do...was allow this stuff to come to the surface, and watch it  be released.  So simple...all I had to to do was let go of the stuff inside me so there was nothing there for others or Life to touch or to bother. 

The More Sensible Solution

Wouldn't doing  that be the less painful and more sustainable  option, making more sense in the long run? 

If we feel like we have to "do" something, manipulate the  world and make changes every time someone or something touches our  stuff(the inner blockages we don't want to deal with) ...man we are  not going to have a great Life are we? Our whole life will center around protecting ourselves from the stuff we stored inside by blaming Life and others for causing our suffering, running away, numbing, cutting off pieces of who we are etc. 

And it doesn't work to do this...that stuff doesn't go away ...it just gets buried, denied, pushed down and hidden. 

The solution then for dealing with suffering  is not  to make such a drastic change .  Don't cut off your limb. Cut off that piece of you that prevents you from allowing the energies of life to flow through.  

How do we do that? 

Just Watch

1) Get back up into that seat of awareness and watch Life doing what Life does...watch as it breathes in experiences and as it breathes out.  Notice that Life is just behaving and unfolding naturally. Come to see that Life is not the problem.

2) Then watch that trouble- making, problem-creating part of you in action in response to what Life does..  I call this part the ego.  Watch as it sends you off into the external world to fix everything out there so you do not have to deal with the stuff inside that it tells you is "bad" or "unpleasant". Watch it and know that  as long as you are watching it, you are not it.  You have detached. Notice how ridiculous its solutions for your so called problems are. 

3) Then watch as the feelings you have been avoiding come to the surface, watch as they trigger more thoughts that want to drag you away.  Don't go!  Stay in the seat of watching and as long as you are watching these thoughts and feelings  will not consume you.  It probably won't be pleasant...there will likley be pain if these things were buried with pain...but when you realize these feelings and thoughts are not you...you are the one watching them...they lose their power over you. Like all form, they come, they spin around a bit before you and then they go. 

3) Look at the Life situations that have taken you to this point as teachers, pointing you  to the root of the problem and the true solution...release and letting go. 

So We don't Make Changes in Our External Worlds? 

I am not saying we do not make changes in our lives. We can make all kinds of small changes that  help to take pieces of rubble away...which I am in the process of doing now.  There is no cutting away involved in these small changes I am making. :)  

As far as the bigger changes go...I still may have to make some of those in the future...but only after I release and let go of that inside part of me I was folishly trying to protect. Then and only then can  I  look out at the world, from the clear state of consciousness, to determine what type of chnage may need to be made.  

The real and most effective changes we make are internal not external.  Go inward first and deal with that mess you have hiding away.  Then decide if outer world change is really  required to bring more peace into your expression of Life and therefore in the world. 

Even if it is, it probably will not require the cutting off of a limb.

Hmmm!  Something to think about.

Allis well. 

Michael Singer (2007) the untethered soul. New Harbinger/Noetic Books

The Haze of Disturbance

 ... let all your blockages and disturbances  become the fuel for the journey.  That which is holding you down can become a powerful force that raises you up.  You just have to be willing to take the ascent. 

Michael Singer, page 79

It is probably hard to believe  what Singer is saying in the above quote. We might not  agree that the disturbances we sometimes  feel can be fuel  that lifts us higher when it seems  like the challenges are just bringing us down.  Many of us are conditioned to  believe that   we have to run from disturbing things  or "do" something to make it all better. 

I keep writing here about my dilemna ( one I am no closer to understanding let alone solving  btw).  I "perceive" disturbance in my outer world and I am questioning if I  need to make some major life changes  in response to this ongoing 'situation'.

Most 'normal-minded' people, including professionals, would look at my situation and say, "Definitely.  Make some changes to your external situation.  You are suffering because  of what is happening in the world around you , so go there for the solutions and the changes.  Do something and do it quick!"  

I myself often go to that place of thinking the same thing.  Even my strong gut instinct occassionally points to certain things 'out there' as the source of my disturbance.

Yet, though I know this focus on the external world as the source of our happiness or suffering is 'normal'...a deeper part of me knows normal does not equate to truth. A deeper, more wise part of me knows that all disturbance has  an internal cause and therefore the solution will never be found in any change I may make 'out there'.  It will only come with cleaning up my insides. 

It is the inside that is a mess not the outside.  The so called disturbance is coming from the inside. Life events  have little to do with it. So housecleaning should begin inside. 

Most of us, however,  are looking out at the world  through this internal mess without even  seeing it   and that is like looking through some really dirty lens and seeing the world around us through the haze of disturbance. The world looks like it is a mess. The world looks disturbing. But it isn't, our view is.

Life Doesn't Change Its Nature, Perception Does

Life is not punishing us when challenging situations of varying degrees show up in front of us.  It doesn't set out to hurt or destroy.  It is just Life coming and going, arising and dissolving through different forms.  Sure Life is in a constant state of change.  That is the nature of Life.  That nature, however, has not changed just because we percieve difficulty. It is not like sometimes Life is still and frozen in time...where nothing moves, nothing dies, nothing comes in, keeping us safe and protected...and other times all these things suddenly start to happen and move about threatening us.  This is always happening...Life is always moving, changing, bringing things in and taking them out.  That is the nature of Life. 

It is just sometimes we 'perceive' it as beautiful and sometimes we percieve it as 'ugly'.  Sometimes we 'like it' and sometimes we don't.  Sometimes it gives us the  warm fuzzies ...other times we 'perceive' it  to be dark and depressing. Life has not changed its nature.  We just changed our perception of it.  We changed the way we look out at the world.

The Seat of Clarity 

When we are able to step back away from ego with all its silly and unrealistic expectations, when we refuse to get lost in drama or what is happening out there and maintain instead our seat of awareness in higher consciousness....where we can witness Life doing what Life does around us and through us without getting lost in it ...when our insides are clean and the energy of outer  things just flow through without getting jammed up...we look out at the world through a very clear lens.  There is no judgement of "this is good", "this is bad", 'this is pleasant', "this is unpleasant", "this is disturbing", "this isn't". Life just is.  It is beautiful, amazing, full of mystery and awe.  There is no ego interference, therefore there is no fear.  Without fear there are no problems and therefore no need to fix or make changes. We operate from a very high vibration...Love, joy, enthusiasm can flow into us, through us and from us. It is a state we want to be in.  It is an inner state that determines how we see the world. 

When we fall from this seat of witnessing...things change. We see differently.  We experience Life differently on the inside. We struggle against it, believing we need to manipulate it somehow. 

Through the Haze of Disturbance

How do we fall?

Well the whole thing starts with fear...and fear is just another thing that comes into our experience.  If we do not accept, let in,  release and let go of fear like we are meant to do with all these things that come into our experiences,  fear  gets stored inside. Then becasue fear does not like fear...we will spend the rest of our lives trying to keep fear inside and hide from it so we do not have to feel it. This blocks our energy.

How do we hide from fear?

By doing whatever we can to control and manipulate the world out there, to make it safe and easy so it doesn't 'trigger' our fear.  We begin to define how Life should be out there in order to avoid anything disturbing fear in here. That is where "This is good" "This is desirable" and "This is bad" "This is undesirable" comes from. We then spend a great deal of enegry seeking, and clinging to the good and desirable,  and pushing away, resisting, struggling against the bad and undesirable. We are actually struggling with Life just so we can avoid feeling fear. 

You are either trying to figure out how to keep things from happening , or you're trying to figure out what to do because they did happen. You are fighting with creation.... pg 73

How is that working for you?

Have you stopped fear? Or are things out there constantly stimulating your fear no matter what you do to try to control it? Are you noticing that the more you try to supress fear, keep it under wraps inside you, to stop the world from bothering you...the more you get bothered? 

Life meant to challenge us to release fear

Life is going to constantly hand us situations that disturb us and therefore stimulate fear because it wants us to release all these blockages.  Life is meant to flow through us so we expand and go upward, not so that we shrivel up in fear. We need to have open hearts to do that...so we need to remove the blockages fear creates.

So things are going to happen.  Some life situations will be easy, some challenging. We are not meant to run from the challenging ones, in order to keep fear hidden  in its place within us.  We are meant to "allow and embrace" the challenges so fear is triggered and comes to the surface and from there we release it and let it go! 

If we allow these situations to distract us, and take us to a place where we neeed to run from them or "do" something about them just so we do not fear...we will fall from our peaceful state of awareness.  We will fall down into that lower energy vibration.  We will get all caught up and tangled up in disturbace and not see that...that is not who we are.  We will forget that we are the witness, not the disturbance.  

When we look out at the world all tangled up in this inner mess we created...the world looks pretty bleak. 

...as you look out through your disturbed energy, everything is distorted by the haze of disturbance.  Things that looked beautiful now look ugly.  Things you liked, now look dark and depressing.  But nothing has really changed.  It's just that you are working at life from the seat of disturbance.

This is sufferng. This is being held down by disturbance.It is not the situation that is the problem for us...it is the way it somehow stimulates our fear.  But what seems like a problem is actually an opportunity for growth. 

It doesn't have to be this way.  We can instead free ourselves from this and get back up into the seat of higher consciousness. We can have an open heart that sees the beauty and majesty of the world.

All we have to do is be willing to confront fear and allow it to come through us, so it can be released from us. This disturbance ...if embraced rather than resisted...can take us back up to higher awareness and a higher vibration. 

Are you willing to climb?

All is well.

Michael Singer (2007) the untethered soul. New Harbinger/Noetic Books

Watching the Dance of the Psyche

 There is nothing wrong with being peaceful and centered[ in response to heavy life challenges and loss] as long you are releasing the energy , not suppressing it. ...No matter what events take place in life, it is always better to let go rather than close.

Michael Singer , page 67

I really, really do not want to close my heart.  I want to live with a permanently open heart that flows freely with love and joy and enthusiasm for Life.  I do.  

I have been watching my psyche dance around  and see how I have been opening and closing over the last little while.  As I observe this dance now I see thatt the ballerina has bowed her head and is still.  The curtains have closed!

Watching the Dance

When we watch this dance going on in our minds we are going to see several things happening. (Singer, 2007)

• First we are  going to see this tendency we have to defend and protect ourselves.  We have tender and wounded  flesh within that we want to protect from getting irritated. We have a tendency to close up around it when something we deem as unpleasnat or disturbing comes our way. 
• Then we will notice how much work that closing and protecting requires...It is life long work .  It is exhausting.
• We can shift our focus from the protecting actions of the mind to the part of the mind that is doing the protecting. We recognize the ego.
• We can decide not to do that anymore and to get rid of that nasty frightened  little part of us   that feels it needs to attack and defend all the time to protect itself instead.  If you don't really want it, then don't protect it. 
• We can put our whole being into what is happening here and now...be in the moment.
• Know that we are constantly going to run into disturbances from out there.  Just be aware of our reactivity: the subtle energy shifts of disturbance happening inside  and stop!  Just stop tensing up and resisting and struggling against.
• Let Go...take our attention away from the disturbance.  Go back to the center...breathe, focus on body, on the sensations around us.
• Refuse to follow those disturbed energies where they want to take us.
• Release and relax into our center!

Making a decision

Can you recall the last time you had to make a big decision?  Watching the somewhat awakened mind make decisions can be a little dizzy making. 

Hmmm! I am in a conundrum. A change in my life  is definitely required.  I am trying to figure out if an internal or external one  is required.  My gut seems to be screaming at me that it is external change I need to make  ...yet I am, for some reason, doubting that internal warning. I am even questioning these strong feelings I get .  

I find myself asking these questions: 

Am I just reacting egoically to some minor disturbances?  Or is this legit heavy stuff that requires a different approach than above? 

Is it really intuition and a warning from higher Self  prompting me to actively make a change in my life circumstance or is it mind playing tricks with me just to stir up some drama ?   (Ego is by far the biggest 'pot-stirrer and trouble maker' out there.)

Am I to follow through on the change gut is telling me to make, listen to these strong "feelings" I have been having or am I to see it all as a form of  resistance, the ego's way of protecting and defending this idea of "little me", of running away behind  a protective shield?

Will this change I feel like I need to make really help me to open my heart and heal once and for all...or will it actually be a means to close it down farther? 

Am I trying to manipulate and change what is happening 'out there' just so my tender parts 'in here'  don't get more disturbed than they already are?  Or is staying in the circumstances I am in  preventing me from releasing samskara and healing these tender parts once and for all so who I really am can shine through? 

Is the most important objective  of  these circumstances Life presented me with  ...to learn to accept what is and make peace with it as it is,or is it to realize the  value of my own needs and grow and move away from circumstances that keep me stuck...albeit gracefully and gratefully. 

Who is "me" that  I want to prserve and help grow?

Is my apparent dissatisfaction with my life circumstances right now and my challenge accepting them with grace and joy  a result of the unhealthy heaviness of these life circumstances, their negative and unnecssary "impingement" on my heart and mind and my inner Self's attempt to say I can grow beyond them...or is it a sign of a closed heart...a heart that is judging things as good or bad and  pushing away to avoid disturbing my insides? If I stop judging will I find enough peace to stay here? 

What do I feel I need to protect anyway...really?  Is it what my spirit needs in regards to physical form: mind, body, health, property that is being threatened or is it just this version of "little-me" and its puny "me, my, mine" needs that I am attempting to protect? Should I just let them have that? 

Am I fooling myself  again, even after all my practice, into thinking that anything done "out there" will make it better for me "in here" when I know all disturbance is a result of mind not external world events?  And if I know that it is just the mind I need to work on, does that mean I should conscioulsy choose to stay in situations that my gut warns me are unhealthy?  Unhealthy for what or whom?

Should I put my needs aside in order to meet the needs of others? Is that what a fully functioning heart plan is all about?  If "little me" is something I should get rid of...should I commit Self to a life of unhappiness and unfulfilment in order to spare others from the suffering my decision may cause? 

Hmm!  I am just perpelexed. Watching this dance going on in my psyche has got my head spinning lol.  I am quite confused. 

I do not want to make any major decisons from ego guidance.  I want it to come from what Singer calls, "The Seat of Consciousness" .

Hmm!  Another big question is...am I there yet? Sometimes I think yeah...this is where this decision guidance  is coming from and other times I just don't know.

I will figure it out.

All is well! 

Open Heart Surgery

 

Do you want to try to change the world so it doesn't disturb your Samskaras, or are you willing to go through this process of purification? 

Michael Singer

Hmm! This is a big question for me.  I have been writing and talking about how I so desperately need to make a change in my external world as if that will solve all my problems.  Not? 

Whatever is happening in my external world is simply triggering some inner world stuff.  It is activating some Samskaras which are blockages, according to Michael Singer ( page 53) , an impression from the past. It's an unfinished energy pattern that ends up ruining your life.

I have some old knots in me, some unhealed emotions stuck inside me...like plaque around the cusps of my spiritual mitral  valve creating an unhealthy opening and closing in reaction to what Life throws my way. 

Our  perceptions are meant to sense what is going on in the now... take the "energy" of things outside us in ..so we can experience them and then this energy is meant to pass through us so we can be there fully in the next moment. Life energy from  experience is just suppose to flow through us.  

The heart is like a big beautiful center for that to happen.  Most energy just passes through as it is meant to. Unfortunately, mind sometimes steps in and says "Oh No!  That cannot go through!  Too painful. " So we resist this particulat event.  

Or it says "Wow!  That is wonderful!  Hang on to this one. This is what you want all the tme.  Look for more of this and whatever you do do not let this go!"  So we cling to certain emotional energy.  

This energy of a resisted or clung to experience  gets stored in our heart like vegatation from a staph infection...affecting how the valve works and therefore affecting how the energy of Life is passed through us. It affects  the way we process Life.  This is a Samskara...a blockage of energy in our hearts .

The only way to fix it  is...not by controlling all the events out there...making sure we have positive circumstance to stimulate the positive energies we have stuck...or to push away, avoid and resist the negative circumstance so it doesn't trigger our negative stuck energy.

Healing means fixing the valve...removing the plaque and vegetation the samskaras leave behind.   We need a type of open heart surgery...but not the kind that replaces a valve...the kind that releases the valve.  We get that  through accepting all that is...relaxing and releasing into our pain.  

Sure it will hurt for a bit If it was stored with pain, it will release with pain. but when we allow the energy from these trapped emotions to be released we heal in the ultimate of ways and we get what Singer refers to as "a permanently open heart" ....which is the ultimate state of being alive.

Hmmm!

Something to think about!

All is well!

Micheal Singer (2007) the untethered soul. New Harbinger/Noetic Books