Sharing a revised poem as part of an exercise from In the Palm of Your Hand. The objective was to take a poorly written rhyming poem with several of the commonly found poetic mistakes in it and revise it. So I chose this poem from an entry on February 21. It came out very quickly and it was very poorly written. There were hundreds of mistakes and poorly written clauses.
I tried editing to keep it rhyming because it came out rhyming but that was taking too much time and effort so I tried , as the book suggests, to put it in free verse or prose. This could use many more revisions.
I am only sharing it here because the poem originally came out here and it came out here for a reason.
Only
a moment ago I stood before this massive mountain,
determined
to conquer its summit ,
to
stamp my triumphant foot upon its peek
and
look over the craggy edge
with
newly earned clarity,
I wanted to be able to finally see
all that was perfect and real
in
this world and in me.
Even the early morning light was saluting me,
radiating support from a perfect blue sky
as I braced myself for this adventure.
I
stood at the mountain base,
believing I was so prepared to begin
until suddenly
the
path that would lead me to my destination
appeared before my untrained eyes to be
so very, very rough and long.
My
heart beat quickened. I wanted to turn around.
If
it wasn’t for the invisible Sherpa
hidden
within my chest whispering, “climb!”
I
would not have moved forward.
The climber within, however,
would do what it was here to do.
Sighing
loudly I lifted my hiker above my reservations and
I
took the first step to a better way of being.
Hindrance
One: Sensual Desire
I took one step then another, after that another.
I walked and walked and walked
until morning became noon.
The sun beat down upon my skin
turning it a vibrant red.
My muscles ached and the blisters on the souls of my
feet bled,
still I walked and walked and walked.
Just when my breath took on the heavy quality of the
exhausted
and the thirst of a dessert wanderer burned within
my throat,
I spotted a caravan tucked into a remotely hidden
alcove of shade.
It’s owner dressed in the finest mulberry silk,
and with heavy Gold bracelets clanking together on
his wrists,
came out to greet me.
He guided me to a shady table in amongst the
beautiful people
who smiled seductively at me as they gathered all
around.
He filled my cup to overflowing and placed plate
upon plate
of foreign delicacies in front of me until I found
myself so pleasured
I forgot that I was tired.
While the drowsiness of satisfaction oozed through my
limbs
he sat down beside me and smiled a perfect smile,
“The road to the top is very hard,” he warned me,
“full of sacrifice and misery.
Why not stay behind and hide yourself in all the
comfort and luxury I can provide?”
I so wanted to lean into his offer, to stay within
his safe and shaded oasis,
to sample all the wonderful things he could provide
for me
but once again that little voice inside said
“climb!”
I politely put down my cup and leaving a small tip
on the linen table cloth
I stood up and began the climb again.
Hindrance Two: Ill Will
Again,
I walked and walked and walked,
pretending not to notice as the sky got dark above me
and
the wind tugged at my hair and clothes
trying
to warn me of what was to come.
I squished down the knowing and I walked.
Before long the
sky opened up, pouring down its fury.
I
stopped to hide beneath the full maternal limbs of the nearest pine.
As
I stood there shivering and catching my breath
I
heard the desperate voice of another cursing at the rain.
Ahead
of me squatting on the side of the path, gasping and in pain
was
a fellow traveller expressing his suffering loudly
to
the clouds above our head that paid no heed.
I
left my flimsy shelter and ran to his side to see if he was okay.
He
just hissed at me under his breath and swatted me away
as
he continued to curse at the sky.
I
began to retreat to leave him alone with his misery
but
he reached out his hands and grabbed my legs
knocking
me down to the ground .
He
lay on top of me with all his weight.
I
could not move. I could not cry. I could not make a sound.
He
spat out his pain and dripped out his resentment,
soaking
me with his wrath.
Then
when he was done he got up and
kicked
dust in my face before he walked away.
Broken
and bruised I lay where I was for what seemed
Like
a very long time.
“Climb!” the little voice within demanded.
Hindrance
Three: Sloth and Torpor
I
got up then and tried to shake the heaviness of the other off
but
his weight would not leave me.
The
dark cloud that rained on him followed me,
hiding
away any trace of light.
My
mind, so full of his darkness,
lost
its will to go on.
“Stop!" It cried, "rest, you are tired!”
but
I remembered my promise and I travelled on,
dragging heavy
limbs
and
even heavier thoughts behind me.
I
continued to trudge the path to nowhere ,
the
end of which I was so sure I would never meet.
Every
step required an effort I did not seem to have.
I
wanted nothing more than to lie down somewhere
and
go to sleep forever.
The little voice, so weak but still persistent,
continued to whisper, “Climb! Climb!
Climb!”
So I pushed past sloth and torpor and I climbed
Hindrance
Four: Restlessness and Worry
With
head down I planted one foot and then the other
I
walked and walked and walked.
As
I walked on, my determination lifted me somehow,
making
each step easier
until
it seemed I overcame the obstacle and
had
a sense the remaining path would be clear.
As
soon as I whispered, ‘thank goodness’ through my labored breath,
other
travellers came from nowhere to stand in front of me.
Worry
and its restless forms surrounded me and blocked me from going farther.
The
noisy, squawking journeymen jumped back and forth like monkeys,
pulling me here and there; listing all the
things that could go wrong.
Chattering,
spinning and pulling at my mind
they
tied me in a knot.
Tangled
up and frightened
I
found myself once again unable to go farther
I
could not seem to move.
In
amongst the fear that rumbled in my belly
came
the whisper once again, “Climb!”
I
untangled myself from the chaotic mess
turned
to Worry and monkey mind’s gang and said
“No
!I will not let you stop me!”
Hindrance
Five: Doubt and Skepticism
Pushing
past their grabbing hands,
I
carried on and headed up the hill
so
sure that after so much struggle
my
temptations would be over.
Life
had other plans.
Another
traveller jumped from the bushes
before
me and stood in my way.
In
a voice all too familiar Doubt painfully listed
the
many reasons why I would fail
in
getting to the summit at the end of this long and dusty path.
"You
are just not good enough." she wailed.
"You
do not have what it takes to succeed
Besides
what awaits at the top is just New Age nonsense,
it
won't give you what you need."
Her
words were so convincing they broke me;
they
dropped me to my knees;
And
I found myself bent over, unable to go on.
I
was so sure that this time, it was it.
It was over.
I
turned myself around, following Doubt’s pointing finger
for
the quickest way to crawl back to the bottom.
And
just when I was about to make my retreat
the
sun broke through the cloud, pouring
the
golden healing light of hope down on me.
I
was reminded of my commitment and the voice within me
once again whispered, “Climb!”
I
got up for the last time,
I
turned myself around and walking past Doubt
I followed the trail before me.
It
began to so graciously unwind.
I
walked and walked and walked.
I
climbed and climbed and climbed.
Just
when my body cried, “No more!”,
the
finish line appeared in front of me,
illuminated
in the golden red of sunset.
I had reached the top of this mountain
with its glorious scenic ledge.
I sat down on its craggy edge
and looked out with
newly earned inner eyes
to see the world in all its amazing beauty
more clearly than I ever did before.
I seen myself reflected in its depth
and I seen it reflected in me.
It was all so perfect exactly as it was.
Weeping in both exhaustion and awe,
I said a prayer of gratitude
for all the hindrances that tempted
and taunted me along the way.
I knew then that Life was not there to punish me
but to challenge me,
to activate the inner Sherpa within me
so I would climb to my freedom...
...so I could see what I was meant to see
and be what I always was.
Dale-Lyn February, 2021
No comments:
Post a Comment