Choosing Peace of Mind When it Comes to These Darn Videos :)

Before I get on to Step Nine: Choose Peace....I need to get back to these videos because they are consuming me lately lol.  They are disturbing my peace because I am allowing them to. This is supposed to be an effortless activity coming from within me...not based on ego or the little "self" . 

Truth is, I feel compelled to create them even in all their apparent imperfection.  I feel the need to share my learning with others.  It is purely a "spiritual" inclination.  Yet...there is ego sitting in the director's chair shaking his finger at me as he yells into his big cone thingy, "Cut!!!!" There are too many takes and too many less than perfect moments captured on screen to call it "effortless" and "sincere".

I do not want this to be about the appearance of me or the video.  I want it to be about the message.  At the same time...I know as a Toastmaster and as an educator who lectures ++...if we want to get the message across,  we need to present it in a way that will move people and get them to listen.  Judgments are formed quickly and sometimes once they are formed they make challenging walls to get through.

I know I can do better.  I do speak...so that is not an issue ( you may disagree once you see me stumbling over my words in one of these videos lol); improving the lighting and audio is not a big issue either.  It can be more professional.  Yet the more I focus on the "techniques" the less I speak from the heart ...you know?  The more it becomes about "presentation," the less it becomes about  the message. Presentation is ego; the message is spirit.  I want spirit to take the reins here.

So what I will do is publish them here....just here...share or link you few who follow my blog  to the videos.  Just so  that I am not holding back because of ego.  I am confident that the videos  will gradually improve in quality as I continue to make them...and the message will become more clearly expressed!

I just need to keep reminding myself and you...that it isn't about me.  I mean it is because as I am sharing this message I do feel sincerely connected, you know?  I feel what Joseph Campbell would call...bliss.  It is such a calling (or what psychiatrist's would call a pathological compulsion lol) now that if I do not create them I will not feel at peace.  Hmmm!  But it is still beyond my puny little needs.

I want to be at peace and I want the world to be at peace.  If my words move others in that direction...even if it is just by moving their big toes a quarter of an inch toward it lol...am I not obligated to share them?  Will I not feel unsettled until I do?

I don't know but I will try.  :) 

Judge me as you see fit...but I strongly encourage you to  listen to the message beneath the imperfections

All is well in my world.

From blogging to vlogging

I made videos!  And they are awful lol! 

Appearance: The lighting is terrible...one side of my face is in shadow, I look like a 99 year old chronic smoker with oscillating fan eyes...I am as grey as the walls I was videotaping in front of (was having chest pain yesterday and it usually leaves me with the loveliest colour:)), and my hair is all over the place. (Man...I have no problem with the way I look in general...but do you think I should have at least combed my hair before getting in front of the camera?  Should  I  worry about my appearance just enough to be you tube ready? lol)

Sound: the audio leaves a lot to be desired, yet it clearly picks up the Roomba as it came knocking on my door, D.'s voice outside my window and my daughter doing baby voices for my dogs. 

The Speaking:  had a lot of menopausal moments as I spoke off the top of my head, I used words that do not even exist in the English vocabulary...ones that I made up on the spot as I combined parts of other words together  (I wonder how often I subconsciously do that ?) , I went blank on the names of the hundreds of philosophers I have studied over the years only remembering Pascal for some reason and I mentioned him twice (mini-mental time?), I stumbled over my quotes,  I used too many ahs and ums to pass the Toastmaster's "ah-counter"  test and sometimes did not finish a train of thought...I also spoke for too long (the 7 minute speech is ideal...I doubled that and then some,  to the point You tube insisted on 2 different videos lol).

The Message: The message was perfect because it didn't come from me.  I was just simply passing on an eternal  truth that is my obligation and my blessing to share.  The sincerity of that goes beyond all the ego dominated stuff above. 

The message is not about little "me"...it is about so much more.  It is the message and a desire or need to share it that has led me to my blog and to the creation of these videos, in the first place.  The fact that they and I appear so imperfect should not take away from the value of that message.

Maybe...in fact...they should enhance it. Very imperfect appearing human being with limited videotaping skills relays a message we can all benefit from, a message that can not be diminished by ego appearances and judgment.

For that reason I may publish those videos here(but nowhere else)..."may"lol....I still have a big fat ego I need to tame a bit before I display my obvious imperfections to the world.

Subsequent videos will definitely be better.  If I am meant to share the learning I have stumbled upon in this manner...the way will be paved for me.  I just had to take the first step which I did. The rest is not about me at all.

It is all good

Happiness Directions: Step Eight: Be Grateful

 

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.

It turns what we have into enough, and more.

It turns denial into acceptance,

chaos into order, confusion into clarity...

It turns problems into gifts,

failures into successes,

the unexpected into perfect timing,

and mistakes into important events.

Gratitude makes sense of our past,

brings peace for today and

creates a vision for tomorrow.

-Melody Beattie

 

How could I even pretend to be able to say it any better than that?  So beautiful and true are her words. Gratitude brings happiness!

 

 

All is well in my world!

 

References

 

Beattie, Melody (1986) Codependent No More. Hazeldon

 

 



 



Side Note: Wisdom is not about knowing more

True wisdom comes to each of us when we realize how little we understand about life, ourselves, and the world around us.
Socrates


I should be expecting a visit anytime soon then?  Because I feel I know so little right now.  The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know.  :)

If this not knowing was good for Socrates, lol, it is good for me.

All is well!

Happiness Directions: Step Seven: Accept Where You Are Here And Now

Always say 'yes' to the present moment...surrender to what is. Say 'yes' to life-and see how life suddenly  starts working for you rather than against you. 
Eckhart Tolle

Just say yes!

By saying yes to life as it is right here and right now we take a giant leap towards happiness.  We get rid of our clinging to past memories that bring us down and keep us stuck...we stop projecting into a future that never comes and we start embracing the only time we have to live in,  which is right here and right now.  Your life is only going on in this present moment.  If you want to be happy it is now!

Buddha taught that everyone of us can live happily right here right now. Thich Nhat Hanh in peace is every breath (2011) explains Buddha's teachings this way: "Fully available to the present moment, we discover we already have enough conditions to be happy-more than enough, in fact.  We don't need to go looking for anything more in the future or in some other place.  That's what we call abiding or dwelling happily in the present."(page 77)

So...no matter what is going on around you or in you, simply be aware of it and the moment that exists within it.  It is in that moment that you want to live.  Accept it.  Embrace it!  When you do, your life might just start to work for you rather than against you!  Happiness is here and now!

All is well in my world.

References

Thich Nhat Hanh (2011) peace is every breath. New York: Harper One

Tolle, Eckhart (2010) The Power of Now. New World Library.

A Little More on Choices

At any moment you have a choice that either leads you closer to your spirit or further away from it.
Thich Nhat Hanh

Before I leave Step Six behind...I want to write a little more on the possibility of metaphysical choices that were made long before we show up here in physical form.  I understand that many of you will have a hard time with that possibility...goes against what you may have been brought up to believe.  I just want you to imagine, if you can, what it would mean if it were true.

If you chose what body you would show up in...how it would look, how it would feel, if it would last for 90 years or 10, if it would suffer with pain or be so physically fit it would constantly adorn medals around its neck, if it would starve or be overfed, if it would be underweight or overweight, tall or short, fully abled or limited...if you chose that...who would you have to blame for realizing you were in that body?

Would you not put away the notion of blame, judgement  and learn to accept...knowing that there was a higher reason for this choice?

Would you not question that, though your body may differ from others, that it was perfect just as it is to God and the world beyond form...after all it was something you chose! ? Would you not embrace your body and the circumstances you find yourself in instead of hating and resisting?  Would you stop regretting and resisting what is...and see it being exactly what it is meant to be...heck...what you asked for?

If we looked at who we are right now in physicality, where we are, what shows up in our lives...as  choices we have made for a higher purpose would we not be happy with our lives?

Hmmm!  Just something to think about.

All is well in my world!

Happiness Directions: Step Six: Know that You Chose This!

With whatever has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow, or an obstacle to keep you from growing.  You get to choose.
Wayne Dyer

How we deal with the less than positive events of life

Hmmm!  How do you look at the less than positive things that "happen to you"?

I spent a great deal of my life feeling sorry for myself!  I clung to each trauma or negative event and said, "Look!  This is what happened to me.  This is why I can't do this or that!  Feel sorry for me too!"  Man, if my life was going to suck maybe I could at least  find  a little perk in  the drama and the pity lol.  Sounds extreme, I know, but isn't that what so many of us do?

Wayne Dyer's books as well as the writing and inspirational teachings of many others have  spurred me to look at the events of my life a little differently.  I am starting to see that I had a choice...I always had a choice as to how I 'perceived" the events of my life. 

Now that I am awakening...slowly and sometimes painfully... ( please know that I know I am not further ahead than anyone else...We can't compare anyway.  I am just on my own twisted little journey to the truth :))....I choose to look at these things differently. 

As I do, I begin to realize that most of the things I used to perceive as negative, fearful and just plain awful...were actually precious gifts that offered learning.  This learning has spurred me onto this path that has led me to where I am right now...which is exactly where I am meant to be.  I can look back at the "terrible" things in my life...even to those events that some would refer to as "grossly unfair, life shattering and gruesome" and actually and sincerely be grateful for them. They have allowed for my own personal growth and expansion as a human being.  Is that not what we are here for

Wow!  Deep...Crazy lady...deep!

Learning From Body Lessons

Yesterday I was sick with something...the body was probably complaining because I had been over doing it...despite my intention to do less. I also have this recurrent pelvic pain...I know it is a cyst on my left ovary...probably due to endometriosis.  I have been  told, despite the fact it doubled in size in three months,  it is functional and will go away in a month...just to buck up with the pain and wait for menopause to hit. 

Which I am perfectly okay with...I would rather think of it that way but my scientific and rational mind ...and my own spiritual wisdom knows differently. The truth I do adhere to is that it will go away on its own.  I am sure if they understood or could relate to the type of discomfort I get...the approach would be different...but if it were different I wouldn't have this learning opportunity.

Anyway, in the height of discomfort related to both this and the bug, I found myself bending over, crying in pain, but at the same time saying thank you out loud to the universe. I realized that despite how much it hurt...it made me so aware of my life force, the fragility of it, the preciousness of it. It connected me to the body I have been trying so hard to ignore reminding me that it is a part of me...it doesn't define me...but is a part of who I am as a human being. I am to embrace it, protect it, love it.

The discomfort  forced me to be here and now...and nothing else in the world seemed to matter in those moments of severe pain.  My body and I were communicating in the present moment.  I felt alive. 

Then when the pain passed and the relief came it was like "Awe!!!"  Such a sweet thing relief is. It reminded me that suffering never lasts...it exists yes to teach us something...but it never lasts forever! 

I was grateful for the pain experience.

Like so many so called "nasty" things of life, I could have been completely overwhelmed by that experience but I chose to see it differently.  I used it as an opportunity to grow.

That being said...I am not asking for too many more lessons like that...the pain free ones are good too lol. Bring more of those pain-free ones on please.  :)

The Choice of Perception

We choose how we look at our life events and we can see them as obstacles or as opportunities for growth.  If we see them as opportunities, we can put away our self pity, our anger, our blame and our resentment.  We can feel peace instead and peace is the necessary stepping stone for the happiness we seek.

When we see that we can choose...we are given not only responsibility for our lives but power as well.  We become powerful and empowered to have the lives we want. We are not limited by events but inspired, enhanced, and blessed by them. Instead of victims , we are creators.  Is this not more conducive to happiness?

Metaphysical Choices?

And what about the metaphysical significance  of our choices?

Do you believe as Dyer and others did, that our choice actually began before we even came down into physical form?  That we put an order into God, the Life Force, the universe...detailing  what type of life experiences we were to have on earth? Is that possible?

If that were the case, would we not have to take responsibility for the lives we are living now?    Something to think about.

All about our Growth and Expansion

Anyway...if we want to be happy, we need to start looking at all life events as an opportunity to do what we are here to do...grow and expand! That is our purpose and fulfilling our ultimate purpose is sure to bring happiness, is it not?  Does that at least make sense?

All is well in my world!


References

Dyer, Wayne ( 2004) The Power of Intention: Learning to Co-Create Your world Your Way. Hay House.

Dyer, Wayne (2009)   There is a Spiritual solution to Every Problem. Harper-Collins.

Dyer, Wayne (2009) Excuses Be Gone. Hay House.

Apology

I will get to Step six but not today. Recovering from a stomach bug and another bout of pelvic pain (not related...just my body's way of ensuring I take a break today...knew that one issue alone wouldn't do it.) ( I know this  ovarian cyst I have had for months and months..is not just a functional one... no matter what anyone tells me ).  Regardless, I will recover from both...I am confident.  Then I will return to my mission of pretending to know what I am talking about.  :)

All is well.

Side Note

If you learn something new everyday, you can teach something new everyday.
Martha Stewart

In my writing and speaking,  sometimes I fear that I am coming off as an expert who can steer people in the right direction; like someone who is so advanced on this journey she has gained the ultimate wisdom...some guru, mystic, mentor like figure etc etc.  Truth is, I am none of those things...far, far from it. 

I am like most people early in the waking up process,  just tramping along this path with my knapsack full of heavy ego things like everyone else. I have yet to let go of so much and  I have so, so much to learn ...so many more miles to go. I am just beginning.

I am not a well spring of peace, health and happiness at this point, either.  In fact there are times I find myself saddened by something I cannot even explain as I travel along. I want to stop and go back to the familiar so often. 

I get confused about what is real and what isn't as I look at the world around me with such different eyes.  I fear what might be around the corner still and worry that I have chosen the wrong path. I fear that my so called "waking-up" is actually just  me cracking up.(others might agree with that one.)

I still feel my body complaints, sometimes fervently, even though I may be able to get beyond them like I never could before.  I am not full of physical energy...I am often tired and drained.  Ego has not left the building...it is still very much in my life. 

So man...I am not enlightened!  I am just on my way there.

Yes...I am on my way home.  Despite all the obstacles, doubts and ego reprimands I am on my way home. I just know it in some corner of my mind. 

When I sit in stillness and quiet, I know it, I feel it; or when I am walking in the woods on a beautiful evening while the light is casting golden shadows over everything...I know it, I feel it. 

When I am drifting over a still river as the moonlight drops puddles of silver light across the water in front of my kayak...I know it, I feel it. 

When I read the scriptures from so many different religions; or when I attempt to understand the wisdom of  the philosophers, writers, scientists  with their messages from so many centuries and eras of time, I know it, I feel it...

When I look at the people and beings  around me with these "new eyes ( btw that an optometrist would prescribe heavy duty lens for lol) I know it and I feel it.

And when I am writing...just writing off the top of my head...I know it and I feel it.

There is something so different in the quality of my living these days.  I am much more peaceful and serene...much more aware of what is going on around me.  Despite my failing physical eyes I see so much more clearly. 

There is less resentment, anger, need to be right. I forgive easily; I love bigger.  I know, for the first time in my life...I mean I really know... it isn't all about me. Who I am is so much more than this little self I have over identified with for too many years. 

So I know I am heading home.  I am just at the crossroads I guess. All this confusion, periods of grief and fear, I assume are normal as I leave the world I thought was real for the one I am remembering.  Ego still has the power to pull me back but I do believe Spirit's calling is so strong I won't go all the way back even if  I falter a few steps here and there. 

I am no expert...but in my learning I have a compulsion to do what I encourage my students to do...teach what is learned...it is the best way to truly understand something and it helps everyone.  So I am simply teaching what I am learning here.  I hope that is clear.

All is well in my world!

Happiness Directions: Step Five: Let Go of Future Projection. Live Now!

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.
Jim Rohn

Looking to the Future

How many times have you heard yourself uttering these words: "I will be happy when....(the bills get paid, I get the promotion; I meet my soul mate; the kids get more independent; the kids realize how much they need me :); we get the house of our dreams; when I get better; or when the rest of the world realizes just how awesome I really am lol)" ? Probably too many times to mention right?

We look to the future for the happiness that can only be found in our present.  Projecting our thinking forward  gives us hope which is a wonderful and beautiful thing.  It is also  necessary that we put our desires and intentions out there ...but...we cannot put off happiness for an elusive time that never comes.

All we have to live is right here and right now.  There are no other time frames  or geographical realities.  Everything else is just an imagined fantasy in our minds. 

We have all probably heard the expression: Tomorrow never comes! Well it is true isn't it.  When we get to tomorrow it is today.  When we get to that moment in the future we are projecting towards...it becomes the now, this moment right here, right now.  Does it not?  So in truth there is no future...just this moment and when this moment is done there will be the next moment that becomes this moment and so on and so on on and so on.

All There is...is  Now

All there is... is now.  This is a good thing because  the Now is something we will always have the ability to cope with.  According to Eckhart Tolle , a world renown expert and teacher of present moment living, and author of  The Power of Now (2008) " You can always cope with the Now, but you can never cope with the future, nor do you have to-" ( page 85)  You  don't have to because the future never comes.

Live now.  In this present moment is all you need to be happy, embrace it and whatever is in it as a part of something greater. Stop looking to a time that never comes to make you happy.  Be willing to be happy now!

All is well in my world!

References

Tolle, Eckhart. (2004) The Power of Now. New World Library

Happiness Directions: Step Four: Drop Your Story

Listen to people's stories and they all could be entitled ," Why I can't be at peace now." The ego doesn't know that your only opportunity for being at peace is now.
Eckhart Tolle

Drop the Darn Story.

We all have a story.  Some past trauma or challenge; some injustice or insult, some thing we justify as the reason for being stuck where we are.  How many times have you heard yourself or someone else  relaying the whys of continual pain and dis-ease with a "Yeah but you don't understand I had this or that happen; he did this or that etc."  ?

I still catch myself doing it all the time!  Sometimes I even look for reasons to be offended.  Imagine!

Here we are wanting to be happy but we cling to reasons why we can't be? Does that make sense?

Suffering Exists but we do not have to Cling to it

Yes it is true ...bad things do happen.  People suffer.  Life and other people are not always going to be fair. It is inevitable to have to go through hard times on this journey...but...when the "bad thing" is over, the " bad people" are  gone, some type of physical world balance is restored,  why do we cling to the story so fervently in our minds and use it to explain why we are where we don't want to be? Why can we not just let go of it?

Learning to Flap it Off

Eckhart Tolle in his amazing book, The Power of Now, uses the analogy of ducks to explain how we would best handle the situation of perceived  injustice, attack or offense from others.  When two ducks are fighting over a portion of the pond or another duck...they fight for a few minutes and then fly off in opposite directions.  They flap their winds several times as if to shake off the negativity and tension the fight caused and fly off as if nothing happened.

He then, in a New Earth (2008) explains what it would be like if the ducks had human minds:

"If the duck had a human mind, it would keep the fight alive by thinking, by story-making.  This would probably be the duck’s story:  “I don’t believe what he just did.  He came to within five inches of me.  He thinks he owns this pond.  He has no consideration for my private space.  I’ll never trust him again.  Next time he’ll try something else just to annoy me.  I’m sure he’s plotting something already.  But I’m not going to stand for this.  I’ll teach him a lesson he won’t forget.” And on and on the mind spins its tales, still thinking and talking about it days, months, or years later. ...
You can see how problematic the duck’s life would become if it had a human mind.  But this is how most humans live all the time.  No situation or event is ever really finished.  The mind and the mind-made “me and my story” keep it going."

For more thoughts on these words...check out the links below.

 Do you think then that we could all benefit a little by learning to shake or "flap" it off?  So much of what we call suffering becomes so because we refuse to let it go.  Letting it go and choosing peace over being right can benefit us and the entire world just like it benefits the duck population.

Drop the Story!

Now I am not referring so much to trauma recovery...that is a special case that requires expert help.  Believe me, I know, some trauma is not that easy to shake off....but if we had the willingness to do so, the willingness to put any injustice aside for the sake of our happiness, the willingness to get the help needed to let go of our stories ...wouldn't that be a step in the right direction toward happiness?

Changing the Title of Our Life Story

If you cannot completely drop your story...why not try changing the title? Why not call it: " How my story brought me to my here and now by teaching me forgiveness!" Forgiveness is never for the other person or situations as much as it is for the self.  Forgiveness is healing and allows us to move on. It opens the door to our inner world...a door that takes us away from ego and moves us toward the healing power of Spirit. Forgiveness can open the door to our happiness.  You just need to put your hand on the doorknob.

Let's forgive and move on peacefully.  There is a big beautiful pond waiting for us to explore it!



Nadine Marie (2013) The Duck with a Human Mind. Aligning with Truth. (Blog).  Retrieved from https://mytruthsetsmefree.wordpress.com/2012/10/18/the-duck-with-the-human-mind/

Tolle Teachings(n.d.) The Duck with a Human Mind. Tolle Teachings. Retrieved from
http://www.tolleteachings.com/duck-with-a-human-mind.html

Tolle, Eckhart. (2010) The Power of Now. New World Library.

Tolle, Eckhart (2008) A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose. Penguin

Happiness Directions: Step Three: Review Thoughts Feelings and Beliefs

Our happiness depends on the habit of mind we cultivate.  So practice happy thinking everyday. Cultivate the merry heart, develop the happiness habit, and life will become a continual feast.
Norman Vincent Peale


Wow!  It really is all in the mind isn't it? 

I woke up this morning thinking about my relationships , my life circumstances and challenges (the good, the bad and the ugly lol) .  I imagined myself trying to explain the significance they play in my life to someone when they asked the question, "Are you happy...why or why not?"

I was quite astonished that when I looked in the mirror...as if on camera while being  interviewed by Oprah Winfrey in a Super Soul Sunday episode  (Heck...if you are going to go off on a thought tangent...you might as well make it big an exciting eh? ) ...I answered back with, "My happiness or lack of has nothing to do with other people or external circumstances...only how I choose to think about them!"

It was an automatic, sincere and a profound thought response...one that would make Oprah sit back in her chair, say "Oh! I like that!" and repeat those words...twice!  I felt the "aha!" in that realization, the learning that officially became a belief planted deep in my subconscious as I wiped the steam from the mirror and gave the cameras one of those, "Oh...I am so wise!" looks.

Then poof!  The interview was over and I realized I was scalding my hands under the hot water I didn't adjust correctly. Ouch! Time to get back to reality.  :)

Our Happiness Depends on the Habit of Mind We Cultivate.

The third step to take, if you choose to  follow my route to happiness, is to review your thoughts feelings and beliefs...keep what works and delete the rest.  It is all about the cultivation that you are fully responsible for,  not the externals that show up.

 We need to cultivate a habit of mind that allows for happiness. If you are planting a garden that will supply you and your family with all your nutritional sustenance ( I am vegetarian by the way so this analogy works for me lol). ...would you plant things that were toxic and poisonous if eaten, things you couldn't eat or that simply tasted so bad they made you sick?  No!

What would you do with those things that grew in your garden that harmed the soil and interfered with the growth of the healthy food you would be eating?   Would you not put the effort into weeding and taking away  the unhealthy?   Would you not be nourishing the wanted  to create a healthy garden so you and those you loved could have a healthy life?

Tend the Garden of Your Mind

Think of your mind as a garden... a garden you and you alone are responsible for creating and tending.  This garden is your life source...it will determine how well you live.  It will determine if you are healthy or unhealthy,  happy or not happy; fulfilled or not fulfilled.   The well being of this garden will depend on what you plant and what you remove. Your happiness will depend on what thoughts , feelings and beliefs you plant and which one you weed out.

Life circumstance and external variables will go on around you. Some days the sun will shine beautifully and the rain will fall softly.  Other days, there will be droughts, and heavy rains...winds that threaten to knock you down...people attempting to tramp all over your produce and destroy what you worked so hard for.  You may  be tempted to blame others and things for what grows in your mind...but...no one...no one is responsible for your gardening success or lack of but you!

Review what is Growing in your mental garden

So what have you got growing in your mental garden? Is your garden overrun with negativity weeds: can'ts, nots, proclamations of blame, judgement, or unworthiness.  Is there fear there?  Doubt?  Shame? Resentment?  Blame?  These things can grow rampant if you don't take care. 

Once you examine your garden get on your hands and knees and roll up you sleeves.  Gently remove the thoughts and feelings that are draining you.  Do not resist them, do not hate them...just recognize their presence and gently let them go. They do not serve you.  They do not serve life.

When it comes to beliefs, remember they may be more deeply rooted.  It may take a little extra work and sometimes help from others to remove them.  Just be willing to do so.

Once the non life affirming is removed, till and refresh your soil with stillness, solitude and quiet. Then plant the seeds of forgiveness,  love, peace and gratitude and you will be amazed how quickly they will blossom and grow. Within no time there will be no room for weeds!

Fill your garden with happy thoughts and your life will be a happy one! Life will be a continual feast!

With a well cultivated mental garden you will have lots of sustenance to take you further on your journey to a happy life! Cultivate well and eat up!

All is well in my world.




References

Peale, N. (1952) The Power of Positive Thinking. New-York: Prentice-Hall (I have an old copy :))

Happiness Directions: Step Two: Change Your Trajectory

Happiness is your nature.  It is not wrong to desire it.  What is wrong is  seeking it outside when it is inside.
Sri Ramana Marharshi

Step Two: Change Your Trajectory

It is time to have a good look at where we are heading. Is humanity, as a whole, going in the right direction?  Are we headed for a universal happiness that is found in peace and harmony?  Think about it.  Are we? Are you?

I cannot speak for you but I would guess most of us aren't.  I would say, though we want these things, we are headed in the wrong direction. And if most of us are steering off path and getting lost, humanity is going to suffer, the planet and all other beings are going to suffer. 

Isn't it ironic? We want to end suffering but because of the way we are going when we depend on these  faulty maps we are following,  we are unintentionally (and in rare cases intentionally) causing more of it. We need to change our course.  We need to point ourselves in another direction.


Lost?

So which direction are most of us  going in now? We are heading outside the Self...away from truth and Spirit and we have been doing that for long enough to put us in the deep dark woods of ego where we can not see the forest through the trees.  We are so enmeshed in ego's chaos we don't even know we are lost. 

We are so busy doing obsessively, attaining, achieving, competing, claiming, separating, going, going, going, thinking, making excuses, blaming, judging, creating walls and borders, overusing, monopolizing, destroying, clinging, defending and attacking that we got ourselves so far from home base it seems we will never get back. We are told these things will take us home but they do anything but get us there. 

We are walking around in circles and calling it "normal".  Of course it is normal because most of us are doing it...but is it healthy?  Is it  the right direction to happiness?  Where the heck is True North in this mess?  How the heck do we get home?  Oh my goodness!  Do we even remember where home is?

Where is Home?

Home is not out there in the busy world we call normal.  Home is inside...past the doing, the thinking and the relying on conditioned beliefs. Home is the  place within you  that never changes, never goes away, that remembers you though you may not remember it.  Home is where you came from and where you will always "be" when you stop the doing  long enough to feel it.  Home is where you are connected to something so much bigger than your little self and where you recognize the power of the greater Self. Home is where the solutions to all humanity's problems can be found.  Home is where peace, harmony and happiness await in abundance. 

 

 Ego, however, will never direct you home...it will direct you as far from home as it can.  It will get you good and lost.  Recognize you are lost and be willing to change your trajectory.

How do we get home?

Put down that map ego (yours and others)  insists you follow and do what everyone should do when they find themselves lost.  Stop,  Calm down and  Breathe!  Stop running in circles...stop doing.  See that it is not getting you anywhere.  Just sit, rest and breathe!

The True North on your compass will never point out there ...it points to the world within you.  You are the True North.  You are already home.  You are already complete.  You are already everything you want to be.  And you will only discover that when you go inside.

So practice sitting still.  Practice following the guidance of your breath.  It will lead you to the wisdom of your Soul. 

You want happiness? Stop allowing ego to send you around in circles getting you more and more lost.  Stop looking outside for it for it will never be found there.  Change your trajectory.  change your direction.  Head inward.  Head home!

Well that is my take on it anyway...for whatever it is worth. :)

All is well in my world!

Directions to Happiness: Step One

Happiness is an Inside Job.
Mandy Hale


How do I get to where I want to go?

That question is a big one.  We constantly ask ourselves and ask others for the directions to that place we are seeking.  We call that place happiness. We know we want it but how the heck do we get there?

Though I am no expert...just a seeker, like most of you, I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to understand happiness through the literature, listening to wise teachers, observing other people's experiences and learning from my own life choices.  I have come up with some directions that  I will discuss in detail over several posts.  I am confident they will take  me where I want to go and maybe...just maybe...you too may benefit from them in your own journey.

Those directions or steps include:

1. Know where you are going by having a clear destination in mind.
2. Change your trajectory: Point yourself in the right direction knowing that the direction you were in before will not take you there
3. Review your thoughts, feelings and beliefs  about your life.  Delete those that do not lead to happiness.
4. Drop your story.  Stop blaming and clinging to excuses.
5. Let go of the need to project your happiness into the future
6. Know that you chose everything you are experiencing right now for a higher purpose
7. Accept and embrace where you are right here, right now
8. Be grateful
9. Chose Peace
10. Commit to finding the true Self

The first and most obvious step is to know where you are going.

Step One: Know Where You Are Going

What would happen if you jumped in your car right now and started driving without having a clear idea of your destination?  It would be a road trip without end wouldn't it? (At least until you ran out of gas.)  

The same thing applies in search of happiness...if you do not know where you are going you will go around in circles draining all your precious energy and resources without ever getting to your destination.  You need to know where you are going so you will know when you have arrived.


What is This Place I Seek?

What is happiness anyway?   What is this place so many of us  seek?

Happiness is, according to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, "a state of well-being and contentment."

Okay so it is a state...a feeling experience, not a geographical location.  Hmm!  So that means it really cannot be found down the  street, over there, or in another time and space.  It is here and now...and it is inside of me.  As a feeling experience then...it is something I and I alone am responsible for as well. 

What about..."well-being and contentment"?  Happiness is equated to wellness and "being".  It is not about doing, having, attaining etc.. Hmmm! 

And contentment ...What is that?  What does it mean to be content.  Oh...no...another definition required.

To be content, also  according to the Merriam -Webster online dictionary, is simply to be satisfied. 

So happiness then  is the inner  state of being satisfied with the  here and now.  That satisfaction brings the experience of wellness.

What I seek when I seek happiness then is not an external thing.  It is purely internal.  Therefore I know what direction my vehicle should be pointed in...not towards the things of  the physical world of form that only bring temporary diversion and distraction, taking me further from my goal but towards the inner world.

If we want happiness then we head inward.

All is well in my world.



References


Happiness definition. Merriam-Webster on line dictionary.  Retrieved from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/happiness

Content definition.  Meriam-Webster on line dictionary.  Retrieved from
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/content

Do You Want to Be Truly Happy?

It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Agnes Repplier (award winning 19th-20th century essayist)

Do you want to be happy?

I am sure most of us would answer yes to that question.  So what is the problem?  Why are so many of us unhappy so much of the time? Agnes, above,  says it all.

We spend our lives trying to find happiness outside ourselves because it is so challenging to find it within ourselves.

Say what, crazy lady?

Happiness is elusive only because we do not understand its origins and are afraid of letting go of the familiar.  We are afraid to give up on the directions to happiness so may of us received as welcome gifts from our egos when we first settled down into this physical world.  When we were ready to start walking, we were given detailed maps full of borders, detours, danger signs and stop signs. 

"Happiness can only be found if you take these routes.  Stay off the routes marked with an X," the map will read.

It directs us away from Self and into the  possession of things, the need for others to fulfill us, the preservation of our little "me", the attainment of success in forms of monetary achievements and social recognition...and the focus on  body and what the body desires.

This  map creates a beautifully detailed  route that only works on paper...not in reality.  Its directions take us around in circles and if we follow them we become nothing but frustrated and exhausted...because we just cannot seem to get to our destination. 

We get fooled.  It may seem we are getting close...there may be  momentary checkpoints of peace and happiness along the way but then we are steered away again by a feeling of emptiness and the sense of being "unfulfilled."

Ego's map does not take us to happiness and if we continue to follow it because it looks so darn good...we will get lost. We will not be happy....at least, not for very long.

The Other Map

There is another map we can follow.  It is an ancient map that was preciously held in the hands of many truth seekers and wise  masters over the years.  The material is greying,  rough around the edges and tattered and torn.  The ink may be fading...but the directions...the directions are so clear when one is ready to read them that it is impossible to get lost. 

The directions  point to some of the routes that ego's maps have crossed off as dangerous and direct us there across the borders, through the detours and past the danger signs and stop signs.  Instead of taking us away from Self they direct us to the Self. 

The roads we are directed to travel on this map are not simple ones to travel on.  They cover some rough terrain, full of pot holes  and hills built by our destructive thinking, stuffed feelings, senseless activities, addictions and unhealthy beliefs that have become integral parts of our daily lives.  It is a challenging route, for sure,   but it is straight. 

When the route is seen clearly it is obvious that it takes us to our destination.  It is.  in fact, the only route that can take us there.  Happiness is found within not without. 

What are the directions to happiness?

We will discuss that in later blogs...For now know that the only true direction to go in is inward.  So ignore ego's directions.  As challenging as it may be to put down the familiar, put the map you are holding down. Realize it is only making empty promises and getting you lost. Happiness can not be found if you follow ego's directions.

Find an ancient map to read instead  by first finding the truth seeker within yourself.  Be willing to question all that you thought you knew...be willing to question the directions and arrows you have been following.  Be willing to want more. 

The destination is there....on the straight path that we have scattered with obstacles.  Be willing to work your way through the obstacles to discover the truth.

What is the truth? 

Happiness is only the beginning of your journey.  There is so much more waiting for you on the other side.

All is well in my world.

What Does it Mean to Wake Up?

Awakening is not changing who you are but discarding who you are not.
Deepak Chopra

What Does it Mean to Wake up?

Many people shy away from the term "awakening".  They feel uncomfortable with the notion of "enlightenment" assuming  it is going to require  them giving up all worldly possessions, changing who they are  and spending months meditating in an orange robe on some Himalayan mountain top.  They fear the terms "consciousness" and "spiritual awareness" and attribute them to New Age woo-woo nonsense that is a blasphemous insult to their religion and established philosophies. 

I spent years fearing and avoiding my own awakening for these reasons.

Is it right to back away?  What does it really mean to "wake-up"?

Deepak Chopra's words above say it best. There is no change required in us if we chose to wake up.    In fact,  when we begin waking up we realize who we really are can not be changed.

We come to know who we really are.  That is what the process is basically all about.  We realize we are not human beings seeking the odd spiritual experience...but spiritual beings wanting to come through our human image.

Still too woo-woo for you?

Awakening is simply discarding all the things you are not...that keep you distracted, diverted, numb and asleep.  When we detach from our obsessive thinking and doing tendency, when we realize the impact of ego in our lives, when we see that these bodies are just vehicles that carry us toward our purpose...we have no problem discarding them when the time comes.  We learn that they are valuable tools when we use them correctly...chains and weights that hold us down with the potential to destroy when we don't use them in the  way they are intended to be used.

Say what, crazy lady?

It is like waking up from a dream and seeing the world in daylight...clearly.   As you wake up you look back at the nighttime hours and all the stuff that occurred in your sleep, regardless if it was positive or negative...and say, "Oh it wasn't real.  It was just a dream. It was just in my mind."  You can get up and walk away from it because it wasn't real.

Most of the lives we have been living prior to waking up were just in our minds.

When we are dreaming, however, it all seems so very real. Like lucid dreamers walking around the planet we control our dream states to some extent.  We selectively choose what we want in those dreams and shut out the rest. 

Who wants to dream about the  effects of global warming on our oceans?  Who wants to see the violence that is going on all around us for the soul purpose of protecting ego?  Who wants to feel the suffering of other beings on our planet who are starving ( when they don't have to be), sick, or sad?  Who wants to think that our dreaming is destroying the planet and everything in it...including us?  As long as we are dreaming we can shut these realities out and focus only on our own immediate needs.

Waking up is challenging yes...because we have to see and feel the consequence of our sleeping in. We have to see that it just didn't make us late for work but that everything...everything around us is effected by it for we are all just one big extension of  the Source of all life.

Man!  You mean it isn't all about me?

When we wake up, we see the effects of ego and how far it has led us all astray.  We see how it affected our own puny little life but more importantly how it impacted the world.  We look back, then,  to a memory of who we really are and were before the ego took over.  We head back in that direction.  

We seek to get beyond the dream state to the truth.  It is from that place and that place only that our nightmares and false fantasies turn into Truth.  It is from that place of realization that we find the desire to heal and  make it all good again.  We open our eyes to a beautiful world that needs some healing...to a beautiful humanity that needs some healing and to a beautiful self that needs some healing.  We heal.

In a nutshell

Waking up is simply a willingness to put aside the dream of what we are  for the  truth of who we are.  It is a willingness to put aside the ego for the soul...to put aside violence, destruction and neglect for a desire to heal...and to put aside the  nightmare shadows we are all running from in fear, for love and compassion, the two qualities of humanity that have the power to save us all. 

Awakening involves no change in us...just a letting go of all that doesn't serve the greater purpose.

Wouldn't the  world be a better place if we all just woke up?

All is well in my world!

 

 

I woke up to this little guy's laughter this morning.  Well...I am quite sure he is the same little chickadee that posed for me a few months ago. How could it be anything but a great day after that?

Walking the Way

In every walk with nature man receives far more than he seeks.
John Muir

Want to go for a  Nice Long Walk?

Have you ever wanted to complete a pilgrimage somewhere, for some higher reason that wanting feet full of blisters and a few photo ops?

I have had dreams ever since I was small of me walking, and walking, and walking...I was heading somewhere but in my dreams I never knew where.  I just knew I had some important place to go but more importantly I knew every step I was walking counted.  I wrote a poem about those walks when I was 18 or 19  entitled The Journey.  I am not sure if I have a copy of it anywhere now but it spoke of the importance of each step as opposed to the destination.  Hmm!

I watched the documentary on Netflix last evening about  12 men (significant and traditionally very Catholic lol) who walked the Way of Saint James in Spain...550 miles over something like 40 days. I got inspired again.  Man... if I don't stop getting inspired  my head is going to spin like a top right off of my shoulders. lol

Putting Aside the  "I Can't" ?

I would love to do something like that...but I am thinking of reasons why I can't instead of reasons why I can.  The big can't comes in my body limits....I tell myself that my heart won't let me walk that distance especially up steep inclines and in high altitudes.  Secondly, I tell myself if I bring my camera I will never get to my destination in 40 days ...I would be stopping and clicking every mile lol...I am not sure I could curb my obsession enough to focus on the steps. Thirdly, my present financial situations does not allow for flights to Europe lol.

Yet ...I would love what I imagine a pilgrimage does...puts you in present moment, in the here and now, in nature, in quiet, and brings you inside!!! It is a spiritual feat not a physical one.  It is healing and life expanding. 

Which way would I go if I could?  Though I would love to see that part of Spain in the way of Saint James...I would be more inclined to walk the Way of Saint Francis because I relate to him more.  Of course...it is much more of a steep way...less than ticker friendly. 

I tell myself ...if there is a will, there is a way.  I would like to find that way...I would like to find my way.  Hmmm!  Something to think about.

Side Note about Motivation

Oh...I am writing, btw, an article on Pensee 139 and sitting still.  It is coming slowly because I get more and more fascinated with Pascal's thinking as I read...connecting dots that seem to connect so well in my mind but possibly nowhere else. lol.

Sent another article out somewhere without adhering to the writer's guidelines...to query first.  I just felt compelled to send it out as is.  So I did...I am usually so good about the etiquette of submitting...but not yesterday lol. 

It is all good.  Things will be as they are meant to be.

All is well in my world.

Check these out:
http://www.italymagazine.com/featured-story/way-st-francis-walking-550-kilometers-along-one-worlds-greatest-pilgrimages

https://www.backroads.com/trips/WSTI/portugal-spain-walking-trip?c=w&p=D486&se=google&st=&adca=Europe%20Walking%20Tours&adgr=way%20of%20st%20james%20Walking%20Tours&gclid=COK9qO2UsdUCFRC5wAod5ZABog

The Inspiration of Truth

We know truth not only by reason but also by the heart.
Blaise Pascal


Inspired to truly understand  Pascal's Pensee 139 ...
Which came from being inspired by that quote of his I found and shared  a few posts ago...
Which came from my inspiration to understand the importance of stillness and quiet...
Which came from my inspiration  to be still more often: to meditate; be mindful be or over do ...
Which came from my inspiration to find the Purusa or the ultimate truth about Self...
Which came from my desire and inspiration  to get beyond  ego's pathological hold on me......
Which came from the inspiration  relayed by all the mentors and teachers, books, articles, videos that keep showing up in my life...the message that we can end suffering my getting past the ego...
Which came from the inspiration for change that suffering offers  ...
Which came from the inspiration of my perception of suffering...
Which came from the inspiration offered by the realization that I could not end suffering through physical world diversion as I was trying to do for years...
Which brings me right back to my inspiration to understand Pensee 139 lol. 
My inspiration has created one big beautiful circle of learning.  :)

How cool is that?

All is well in my world.

Inspiration or Motivation? What do We Need to Write?

Inspiration is being inspired by a person or an idea.  Motivation is being inspired by an object. When people are inspired, they don't need motivation.

Thomas Leonard

Ummm! If this is true why did I not feel motivated over the course of the week to write an article and send it off? lol.  Without the motivation to act the inspiration just bubbled within me. It is still there, bubbling and fermenting...waiting to be baked into something the world can eat. :) It is going to take some action on my part.  Don't I need some motivation to act?

I was certainly inspired this week.  I was inspired by a chapter I read in Bruce Lipton's Spontaneous Evolution.(Chapter 13, to be exact)  I was inspired by two books, that I read before, that somehow landed in precarious places asking to be picked up again: Wayne Dyer's. There is a Spiritual Solution for Every Problem and Power Hunch by Marcia Emery. Yet I did not write anything.  Why?

Hmmm!  Maybe what I need to do is see what common thing ties all these three books together?


Love is the connecting force of all things of this world, coming from the  One that will heal and save us.  We do not have to follow rules that have been passed on by egoic minds that did not realize that truth and pulled us away from Love.   We can listen instead to our  intuitive knowing  that tells us to seek answers inward.  That answer comes from a place of true wisdom and Love.

Now ...what do I with that? lol

All is well in my world.

Sit Quietly in a Room Alone

All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.
Blaise Pascal

How much truth do you think is in that statement?

I am not sure all of humanity's problems are related to our inability to be still, but I believe most of them are.

If most of us cannot settle our bodies and our minds for more than a few minutes at a time, what does that say about our ability to hear the real truth and wisdom that can not be found anywhere but inside? What does it say about our ability to solve problems effectively?  What does it say about our ability to experience peace, love and joy?

The truth lies within.  It lies in the parts of us we cannot see or understand using scientific tools.


Wayne Dyer in his book, There is a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem (2001) tells us that when we have a problem we need to realize that spirit has the answer, " As you learn to employ the first step , recognition of spiritual solutions, you will move to a state of realization in which you experience the power.  You will realize that every kind of disharmony, discord or disease is amenable to the spiritual energy that is you." (page 7).

 In other words we can solve all problems by becoming still and quiet so we can hear what wisdom or solution our inner Self has to share.

The Challenge of Being Quiet and Still.

Yet being still and quiet is not easy for many of us, is it?  Ego doesn't like us listening to spirit so it convinces us the only way to solve problems is to  do more.  Ego actually creates problems in this way.  So we have this incessant need to do to solve the problems ego creates.  Wow!  Do, Do Do!  It is challenging for most of to simply sit still and not do. 

How is it for us then, to still our minds?  Making the body quiet is one thing but how do we stop that loop-recording of 60,000+ thoughts that continuously goes around in our minds?  If we are not doing we are usually thinking about what we have to do.

It isn't easy to be still and quiet.

How long can you sit quietly?

I am going to offer you a challenge.  I want you to go into a room alone somewhere and sit on the floor in the middle of the room.  I want you to attempt to sit without moving and without thinking for five full minutes.  Set an alarm if you have to.  How easy is it for you to do that?

If you are not an avid meditator or someone who has practiced mindfulness, chances are you are going to find it quite challenging.  Don't lose heart...just recognize that there is room for improvement.   

If you really want to be able to solve the problems of this world while finding peace, joy and love...then maybe it is time you worked on being able to sit alone in stillness and quiet.  Find a way to improve your stillness ability through  a mindfulness and  meditation practice  that works for you.  You might also want to read Wayne Dyer's book to help you to get going in this direction.

If we can not find peace in our minds and bodies...how do we expect to find it in the world?  Let's all work on our ability to sit  quietly in a room alone so we can make the world a better place.

All is well in my world.

References

Dyer, W. (2001) There is a Spiritual Solution for Every Problem. New York: Harper

My article on the subject: http://thewisdomdaily.com/author/nancyd/

More on Sunday's Miracle

What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters compared to what lies within us. And when you bring what is within out into the world, miracles happen.
Henry David Thoreau

Using science to Explain

My scientific mind needs scientific answers lol and it keeps down playing the spiritual significance of what happened Sunday.  It tells me it was just a large local reaction...the only reaction I have to stings is large and local.  What happened as a child could have been a coincidence:  I could have been having a severe large local reaction at the same time I was having a vasovagal response (dizzy, near fainting, vomiting) due to the shock  and pain of the sting...therefore I am not anaphylactically allergic??   So when I got stung again...my hand just swelled up out of proportion indicating the same type of reaction.  That is possible.

Also, it could have been a first exposure to another type of insect venom.  Maybe what stung me had a different type of venom than what stung me as a child and much less of it.  There was no cross sensitivity. What  I had could have been  a first exposure reaction which is never as severe as a second exposure. 

Was it even systemic?  The only signs I had that would support it was systemic yesterday was the sore throat and hoarse voice by the time I got to the car.  But I have had problems with my throat now off and on for a few years...so I can not use that as a sign. There was no facial or mucous membrane swelling that would indicate angioedema which would be expected with a systemic reaction.  No rash or hives!  No respiratory difficulty. I was dizzy but I attribute that to the heart condition.  I get dizzy all the time when I exert myself. Getting back to the car was not done with  the slow leisurely pace with lots of breaks that took me to the lake so my heart was bound to act up.   Hmmm? There were no absolute signs of a systemic reaction.

Is it possible to become desensitized over the years?  What if I did have a severe allergic reaction as a child but somehow I have become desensitized   over the course of 45 years?  My memory cells vaguely membered the venom, maybe,  because they are menopausal too.  :)

Did the tourniquet cause the swelling?  No it started around the sting site and spread to all the fingers, palms and the back of my hand from there.  Besides it was a sweater sleeve I was using so it is very difficult to even make it tight enough to cause swelling.  The swelling actually got worse when I remove the tourniquet anyway. 

Fearing the Mystical

Here I am trying to wrap my mind around what happened...to explain it using thought and science....to demystify it when the mystery of it is part of the truth.  Why do we do that?  Why do we pull away from the mystical and unseen , use thought to explain the seen and  practical.  That is our biggest problem isn't it?   We are afraid of the unseen and things that can not be explained.  We can't explain it or understand it so we do whatever we can to veer away from it. 

The truth is this...regardless of the science behind what the reaction was or wasn't....  My hand which was very, very swollen went down to absolutely normal within a 20 minute time frame without any intervention what so ever.   I know science.  I know pathophysiology and I can't explain that!  There was no pain or no sign that I was even stung when twenty minutes previously there was so much swelling I could not even move the tips of my fingers. Most swelling from  local reactions take days to subside!

Don't we have to call that a miracle? 

Why can we not just learn to bring what lies within out into the world and revel in the magic that happens when we do, without the need to explain it away?

All is well in my world and I will get off this subject now.:)

Pray with Confidence for Miracles to Happen

The most incredible thing about miracles is that they happen.
G.K. Chesterton

I had an experience yesterday that I want to share but am not so sure if I should. lol  Oh I will because I think it could benefit so many to hear this, regardless of how it makes me seem.

The lead up

D. and I took the dogs for a little hike to a lake not far from where I live.  It was beautiful there.   I brought my camera and was shooting over a little foot bridge when I felt this intense stinging in my finger.  It took me a few seconds to realize I had been stung.  I looked about and there were flying insects of some kind all around me. ( I didn't have the  sense to look to see if they had yellow on them).  I jumped back and yelled out to D. that I had been stung. 

Now that is no big deal right...for most people? ...A bit of pain and discomfort that subsides over time...but when you are like me, twenty minutes away from civilization...it is a big deal! 

You see when I was a child at Brownie camp at the age of about 8 maybe...I got stung by something I was told was a huge wasp.  I don't remember much about the experience because I got sick quite fast afterwards.   I remember it hurt like the dickens and that my entire arm and the side of my face, where I was stung, swelled up. I got dizzy and light headed.  I believe I near  fainted.  Not long after, I was vomiting. 

We were miles away from town and back then there were no cell phones...just a pay phone at the store a few miles down the road. 

The idea of anaphylaxis (life threatening allergy) was probably foreign to my brownie leaders but they did, after several hours, get someone to dispatch a call to my mother who was a nurse. She , I assume, knowing hours had passed or with some details missing from the story...thought the worse was over and told the leaders to watch me closely and if there was any change she would come and get me.  They made me sleep between them that night and I think that was worse than the sting and the reaction.  :)

I really do not remember much after that except coming home from mass one day, days after my return home from camp, with some of the swelling still remaining in my arm and enjoying the celebrity status of it all.  My friends were intrigued that a sting could do so much.  I also remember being told to make sure I staid away from bees and wasps from then on in.

The Assumption

No one mentioned that I had an allergy to stings but whenever I was caught participating in neighborhood dares with the rest of the kids on my block to see how long we could hold bees in our hands without getting stung  or even if I was observed sitting in amongst my mothers flowers I was scurried away with a severe reprimand.  I had no idea why (besides the fact that the bee challenge was one of the stupidest and cruelest things we ever did as children lol).  The wasp sting was a thing of the past in my child- mind and I made no association between it and my mother's reactions.

It was not until I was in nursing school, years later, and we were discussing anaphylaxis , that I made the association. I realized I could be severely allergic to stings and the next sting could prove  lethal within a twenty minute period without intervention.  (Secondary exposure is always the worse, in terms of allergy,  because sensitization has been established with the first exposure.) Wow!  I put all plans of signing up for any more bee challenges away, let me tell ya!  

I still didn't know for sure if I was/am allergic but I recalled bits of that minor childhood trauma  from years ago and it made sense.  The brownie leaders and my mother had long since passed so I could not confirm it with anyone. 

So I took it upon myself to assume I was allergic. I did not recognize the difference between  a response to bees and other insects, and assumed  they are the same.  They aren't.  Allergy to bee venom takes repetitive stings to develop where as wasp and other such insects can occur after one sting. 

Regardless...I was allergic to something and besides being fascinated with bee photography,  for the longest time...I made it a point to stay clear of yellow wearing insects. I simply told people during my health assessments, when the question of allergy was raised, that I was allergic to bee stings ( it was easier than explaining the difference).

I never got tested or got myself  an epi-pen though the thought crossed my mind because I never got stung again.  I guess, I thought  after 45 years, it was not going to happen.  So despite how much time I spend outdoors I never thought too much about the potential of a reaction and what could happen .  That is until yesterday. 

Note: The place was full of wonderful photo ops...but nature had something else in store for me.  Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to put my camera down when I am shooting regardless if my life is at risk or not? lol

The Sting

I suddenly found myself stung, twenty minutes out in the middle of nowhere  with no epi-pen.  If I was indeed severely allergic, I knew the hike back could be the end of me.

What did I do? 

Well I panicked at first, called myself stupid, told Don we were in trouble etc.  Then I realized that panic was not going to help...it was only going to make the  situation worse.  Wasn't I meditating and finding "ease"?  Did I not learn that calm is the way to go...that I wasn't this body or my emotions.  If I called on who I really was I could endure anything, couldn't I ? Well...it was time to call on that "ease"  to get me home.

I took a deep breath, explained to Don what could happen very calmly, that if  I got weak he would have to carry me out.  I got him to tie the sleeve of my sweater as tourniquet around my wrist, to ensure I kept my arm down and that I breathed slowly.  Then we began the  hike back. 

Praying with Confidence that I would not die

The whole way I prayed a prayer of confidence that all would be fine...I breathed and I called on that ease.  It was there when I really needed it. 

I watched my hand and it literally took over 6 minutes to begin swelling...which was reassuring.  I watched my heart rate and for any signs of systemic reaction...none.  I told myself  over and over there is no evidence that I have an anaphylactic type allergy...that is all assumption.  I also thought that  maybe what stung me was not something with yellow on it.

The swelling got worse but I talked myself down.  "This is just an allergic reaction, not an anaphylactic one"...I kept saying all the way to the car. By the time we got to the car my entire hand was swollen and red but other than having cardiac symptoms from the hike which was a little faster than normal...I felt fine.

I refused to go to the hospital because I convinced myself  that it was not anaphylaxis...I felt fine other than the very obvious swelling in my hand. I was definitely having a reaction but it didn't seem to be life threatening.

 I got home and my daughter, a nurse,  took my BP : 106/54  and the pulse was even in the70's.  Despite the concern from others for the increasing swelling and their insistence that I go to ER , I thought ...No,  I will just wait to see what happens.

 I removed the tourniquet and the hand swelled even more ( it was very swollen everywhere to the point I couldn't move my fingers)...but there were no systemic signs other than the cardiac ones I got from the hike.  My BP dropped to 84/50 a few minutes later and my pulse to 52 but I knew that that was the cardiac stuff. 

I just knew I was going to be okay.

My hand looked bad...really bad...and if I, in my days as an ER nurse, seen someone coming in with a hand like that after a sting, I'd be grabbing the epi and a crash cart sure that they were going into anaphylaxis.

 I refused to think like a nurse.  It was time to think like a woman of faith.

I said another prayer for the  swelling to go, absolutely confident for some unknown reason that it would.  I took myself out to the beautiful sun, away from the worried expressions of others, lay back in a chair, closed my eyes and waited for the  miracle to happen.

The Miracle

Literally,  20 minutes later I looked down at my hand and there was no sign of swelling or even of a  sting.  Today you cannot even see  the little hole where I got stung.  Everything is completely gone like it never happened.  (Remember: the first time I got stung as a child, the swelling lasted for days.)

Rationalizing the Miracle Away

I still haven't comprehended fully the implication of this experience.  It could be explained in so many  simple ways that support physical truths:

• I assumed wrong. I am not severely allergic to insect stings after all. ...the first reaction I had was something else
• I am allergic obviously by the amount of swelling I had but it is another type of  allergy other than anaphylaxis
• It could have been a large local reaction...nothing more
• This was a different insect with a  different venom so what was created was a first exposure  reaction
• The tourniquet prevented  a more serious systemic  reaction (By the way I would never recommend a tourniquet.  I only quickly chose that option because I had to walk and figured the walk would speed up a reaction if I were to have one.)
• all just a bunch of kooky coincidence

The Truth

I want to explain it like that.  Those are more appeasing rationales for the scientific part of my mind to digest...yet I know differently.  I was swelling big time...I had a serious first reaction as a child that I cannot deny...I was on the brink of anaphylaxis yesterday ...why did I not go there?

• Because I truly believed I wouldn't
• I knew I was going to be okay
• I felt protected
• I felt who I really was within this body and knew it was not going to let anything happen to "me" until I fulfilled my purpose here
• I prayed with confidence that everything was already taken care of
• I  realized I was so much more than this body anyway...if it had to go, I would still go on...that left this feeling of ease in me, of detachment. 
• So I did not resist what was happening.  I let go.
• I was calm even though ego was telling me to panic. I consciously ignored ego and chose peace.

Wow!  I look down at my hand now compared to what it was minutes after the sting and it is amazing!  There is absolutely nothing there to indicate I was even stung yesterday.

A miracle happened ...my learning kicked in when I was challenged by a test!  I was asking for signs I was going in the right direction and boom...I got one big time! This was a sign. 

Regardless of how you explain it or rationalize it...it was a miracle that the swelling went down as fast as it did and I didn't go with it.  Amazing!

I am not stupid...I need to invest in an epi-pen.  I cannot risk that happening again.  Well D. won't take me hiking again until I do get one.  So I will.  I definitely don't want anyone who has allergies to think this is all about ignoring them.  Bring your pen with you and take it!!!! Believe me...I will be getting one and I take it if I get stung again.

But...man.  what a wonderful learning experience this little would-be emergency proved to be.

We can use our minds to make ego powerful or we can use our minds to let the real truth about who we are be revealed. When we allow the truth out...amazing things can happen. I have been asking, praying and seeking truth.  My prayers were answered. A miracle was the result.

Pray with confidence people...pray knowing that what you are asking for is already with you...because it is!  And miracles will happen! 

All is well in my world!

Ease or Dis-ease

When you do not know the joy of being at absolute  ease with yourself, you are in dis-ease.  It is only a matter of time before it becomes physiological.
Sadhguru

So many of us are on the search for the ultimate experience.  We want joy, bliss, ecstasy.  Yet, we haven't got a clue how to simply be at ease; how to sit quietly with ourselves without doing, thinking, planning, fretting over the past or  being worried about the future.  We want to skip  over all that to get to that feeling of completeness' and wonder why it is so challenging, why we get sick.

Are you at ease?

How many moments a day do you experience ease? Can you sit in nature for five minutes without thinking, narrating in your mind, worrying, regretting or resenting, wondering about the time and what you have to get back to...just totally focused on being. That is ease and so many of us find it challenging.

I found it challenging and still do at times I obviously haven't experienced enough ease over the course of my life...thus my getting sick.  I was always a little wound up ball of doing and thinking.  There I was on a mission to find  the meaning of spirituality and awakening but I couldn't even  uncurl myself from my knots ( and my 'nots').

I have learned to seek awakening in increments.

The Steps to Finding Ease

• First I had to slow down and stop doing (the dis-ease helps me with that actually but I still slip all the time :));
• I had to learn to pay attention to what was going on in me and around me
• I had to pay attention to the information my senses were giving me...observe the world before me without judgment...just look, listen, smell, feel, and taste it
• I had to learn to breathe and just focus on breath rather than trying to control it like I tried to control so many things in my life
• I had to be aware of what my body was saying.  Was there pain anywhere?  Discomfort?  A Pleasant feeling?
• Then  I had to be aware of what I was thinking and feeling
• I had to become aware of my thoughts as something that did not define me so I could detach
• Next I had to be willing to feel what I was feeling in the present moment regardless of what it was.  I had to recognize what thought caused the  feeling
• I then had to work on the thinking through some good old fashioned cognitive restructuring and rational emotive therapy (it is great to have a psychology background...I can make something so simple like "changing the way I think" sound so exciting)
• I had to become aware of how every minor change of thought made me feel...to ensure I was feeling better at least and moving up the emotional ladder
• The big one was accepting what was as it was in the moment I was in ( still need to work on that one :))
• I had to learn to close my eyes and just stay there for a bit, detaching from the world around me that I thought was real....to allow the experience...if thoughts came in...well I let them be and watched them as they did their thing before taking off again.
• I learned to detach (well I am still learning that one), observing what is happening in my mind and body from a distance.)
• Then I began to feel ease.  At least for 20 minutes, twice a day I feel ease.  It is slowly infiltrating into other moments of my life but I still have some work to do.

I am making it my mission now to find ease.  No matter what is going on in me or around me I want to be okay with it...to be at ease! From there I will find the peace, the joy, the bliss and the ultimate experience of Love I write about in my book.

It is all so very good.  It may not be easy but it is very, very doable.

If I can revert the process of dis-ease into ease than anybody can.  How is that for amazing?

All is well in my world.