The most incredible thing about miracles is that they happen.
G.K. Chesterton
I had an experience yesterday that I want to share but am not so sure if I should. lol Oh I will because I think it could benefit so many to hear this, regardless of how it makes me seem.
The lead up
D. and I took the dogs for a little hike to a lake not far from where I live. It was beautiful there. I brought my camera and was shooting over a little foot bridge when I felt this intense stinging in my finger. It took me a few seconds to realize I had been stung. I looked about and there were flying insects of some kind all around me. ( I didn't have the sense to look to see if they had yellow on them). I jumped back and yelled out to D. that I had been stung.
Now that is no big deal right...for most people? ...A bit of pain and discomfort that subsides over time...but when you are like me, twenty minutes away from civilization...it is a big deal!
You see when I was a child at Brownie camp at the age of about 8 maybe...I got stung by something I was told was a huge wasp. I don't remember much about the experience because I got sick quite fast afterwards. I remember it hurt like the dickens and that my entire arm and the side of my face, where I was stung, swelled up. I got dizzy and light headed. I believe I near fainted. Not long after, I was vomiting.
We were miles away from town and back then there were no cell phones...just a pay phone at the store a few miles down the road.
The idea of anaphylaxis (life threatening allergy) was probably foreign to my brownie leaders but they did, after several hours, get someone to dispatch a call to my mother who was a nurse. She , I assume, knowing hours had passed or with some details missing from the story...thought the worse was over and told the leaders to watch me closely and if there was any change she would come and get me. They made me sleep between them that night and I think that was worse than the sting and the reaction. :)
I really do not remember much after that except coming home from mass one day, days after my return home from camp, with some of the swelling still remaining in my arm and enjoying the celebrity status of it all. My friends were intrigued that a sting could do so much. I also remember being told to make sure I staid away from bees and wasps from then on in.
The Assumption
No one mentioned that I had an allergy to stings but whenever I was caught participating in neighborhood dares with the rest of the kids on my block to see how long we could hold bees in our hands without getting stung or even if I was observed sitting in amongst my mothers flowers I was scurried away with a severe reprimand. I had no idea why (besides the fact that the bee challenge was one of the stupidest and cruelest things we ever did as children lol). The wasp sting was a thing of the past in my child- mind and I made no association between it and my mother's reactions.
It was not until I was in nursing school, years later, and we were discussing anaphylaxis , that I made the association. I realized I could be severely allergic to stings and the next sting could prove lethal within a twenty minute period without intervention. (Secondary exposure is always the worse, in terms of allergy, because sensitization has been established with the first exposure.) Wow! I put all plans of signing up for any more bee challenges away, let me tell ya!
I still didn't know for sure if I was/am allergic but I recalled bits of that minor childhood trauma from years ago and it made sense. The brownie leaders and my mother had long since passed so I could not confirm it with anyone.
So I took it upon myself to assume I was allergic. I did not recognize the difference between a response to bees and other insects, and assumed they are the same. They aren't. Allergy to bee venom takes repetitive stings to develop where as wasp and other such insects can occur after one sting.
Regardless...I was allergic to something and besides being fascinated with bee photography, for the longest time...I made it a point to stay clear of yellow wearing insects. I simply told people during my health assessments, when the question of allergy was raised, that I was allergic to bee stings ( it was easier than explaining the difference).
I never got tested or got myself an epi-pen though the thought crossed my mind because I never got stung again. I guess, I thought after 45 years, it was not going to happen. So despite how much time I spend outdoors I never thought too much about the potential of a reaction and what could happen . That is until yesterday.
Note: The place was full of wonderful photo ops...but nature had something else in store for me. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to put my camera down when I am shooting regardless if my life is at risk or not? lol
The Sting
I suddenly found myself stung, twenty minutes out in the middle of nowhere with no epi-pen. If I was indeed severely allergic, I knew the hike back could be the end of me.
What did I do?
Well I panicked at first, called myself stupid, told Don we were in trouble etc. Then I realized that panic was not going to help...it was only going to make the situation worse. Wasn't I meditating and finding "ease"? Did I not learn that calm is the way to go...that I wasn't this body or my emotions. If I called on who I really was I could endure anything, couldn't I ? Well...it was time to call on that "ease" to get me home.
I took a deep breath, explained to Don what could happen very calmly, that if I got weak he would have to carry me out. I got him to tie the sleeve of my sweater as tourniquet around my wrist, to ensure I kept my arm down and that I breathed slowly. Then we began the hike back.
Praying with Confidence that I would not die
The whole way I prayed a prayer of confidence that all would be fine...I breathed and I called on that ease. It was there when I really needed it.
I watched my hand and it literally took over 6 minutes to begin swelling...which was reassuring. I watched my heart rate and for any signs of systemic reaction...none. I told myself over and over there is no evidence that I have an anaphylactic type allergy...that is all assumption. I also thought that maybe what stung me was not something with yellow on it.
The swelling got worse but I talked myself down. "This is just an allergic reaction, not an anaphylactic one"...I kept saying all the way to the car. By the time we got to the car my entire hand was swollen and red but other than having cardiac symptoms from the hike which was a little faster than normal...I felt fine.
I refused to go to the hospital because I convinced myself that it was not anaphylaxis...I felt fine other than the very obvious swelling in my hand. I was definitely having a reaction but it didn't seem to be life threatening.
I got home and my daughter, a nurse, took my BP : 106/54 and the pulse was even in the70's. Despite the concern from others for the increasing swelling and their insistence that I go to ER , I thought ...No, I will just wait to see what happens.
I removed the tourniquet and the hand swelled even more ( it was very swollen everywhere to the point I couldn't move my fingers)...but there were no systemic signs other than the cardiac ones I got from the hike. My BP dropped to 84/50 a few minutes later and my pulse to 52 but I knew that that was the cardiac stuff.
I just knew I was going to be okay.
My hand looked bad...really bad...and if I, in my days as an ER nurse, seen someone coming in with a hand like that after a sting, I'd be grabbing the epi and a crash cart sure that they were going into anaphylaxis.
I refused to think like a nurse. It was time to think like a woman of faith.
I said another prayer for the swelling to go, absolutely confident for some unknown reason that it would. I took myself out to the beautiful sun, away from the worried expressions of others, lay back in a chair, closed my eyes and waited for the miracle to happen.
The Miracle
Literally, 20 minutes later I looked down at my hand and there was no sign of swelling or even of a sting. Today you cannot even see the little hole where I got stung. Everything is completely gone like it never happened. (Remember: the first time I got stung as a child, the swelling lasted for days.)
Rationalizing the Miracle Away
I still haven't comprehended fully the implication of this experience. It could be explained in so many simple ways that support physical truths:
- I assumed wrong. I am not severely allergic to insect stings after all. ...the first reaction I had was something else
- I am allergic obviously by the amount of swelling I had but it is another type of allergy other than anaphylaxis
- It could have been a large local reaction...nothing more
- This was a different insect with a different venom so what was created was a first exposure reaction
- The tourniquet prevented a more serious systemic reaction (By the way I would never recommend a tourniquet. I only quickly chose that option because I had to walk and figured the walk would speed up a reaction if I were to have one.)
- all just a bunch of kooky coincidence
I want to explain it like that. Those are more appeasing rationales for the scientific part of my mind to digest...yet I know differently. I was swelling big time...I had a serious first reaction as a child that I cannot deny...I was on the brink of anaphylaxis yesterday ...why did I not go there?
- Because I truly believed I wouldn't
- I knew I was going to be okay
- I felt protected
- I felt who I really was within this body and knew it was not going to let anything happen to "me" until I fulfilled my purpose here
- I prayed with confidence that everything was already taken care of
- I realized I was so much more than this body anyway...if it had to go, I would still go on...that left this feeling of ease in me, of detachment.
- So I did not resist what was happening. I let go.
- I was calm even though ego was telling me to panic. I consciously ignored ego and chose peace.
A miracle happened ...my learning kicked in when I was challenged by a test! I was asking for signs I was going in the right direction and boom...I got one big time! This was a sign.
Regardless of how you explain it or rationalize it...it was a miracle that the swelling went down as fast as it did and I didn't go with it. Amazing!
I am not stupid...I need to invest in an epi-pen. I cannot risk that happening again. Well D. won't take me hiking again until I do get one. So I will. I definitely don't want anyone who has allergies to think this is all about ignoring them. Bring your pen with you and take it!!!! Believe me...I will be getting one and I take it if I get stung again.
But...man. what a wonderful learning experience this little would-be emergency proved to be.
We can use our minds to make ego powerful or we can use our minds to let the real truth about who we are be revealed. When we allow the truth out...amazing things can happen. I have been asking, praying and seeking truth. My prayers were answered. A miracle was the result.
Pray with confidence people...pray knowing that what you are asking for is already with you...because it is! And miracles will happen!
All is well in my world!
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