Karma is Not the Problem

 Karma-the memory of experience-is the only thing that can bring wisdom to you, and it is the only thing that can bind you- and it is the one thing that can so heavily poison your life and destroy you.  Karma is not the problem-how you carry it is.

Sadhguru

Two Words: Karma and Impetus

I woke up with two words on my mind.  I could see the words...I could hear the words being repeated in my head as I got out of bed and began my daily routine.  The first word was "karma".  Now that is not surprising as I have been thinking about "karma" for a long time, wanting to understand it both at a personal level and on a deeper level. (Sometimes, it feels like I am living off some 'bad' karma and I want to do what I can to "pay off this debt" for myself and others. Of course, I know I do not understand  karma enough with my westernanized mind.)  The second word is "impetus".  Now that one surprised me? It was just there bopping around in my head, twisting up my tongue a little bit because it is not a word I use at all.  In fact, I wasn't even sure what the word meant.  Why were these two words floating around in my head this morning, at the exclusion of so much else? Do they have anything to do with each other? I had to find out.

Family Suffering: A Karmic Debt?

Before I had a chance to find out,  I was reminded of the suffering of my children.  My adult children are suffering so much, making choices leading to more suffering and it literally feels like my heart is breaking as I look upon that suffering.  I always feel, when I am reminded of what seems to be their inescapable suffering, that this is some form of karmic debt "I", as "me",  am paying off.  Sure it is their pain and their choices  but because I identify as their mother, because I see them as "my" children, becasue "I" feel their pain....I see us all trapped  under this dark karmic cloud.  When I ask why is there so much pain and why are all of them suffering so much  at the same time,  I could go through a host of common denominators, with my parenting: what I did or didn't do, being the big one. But I also see through past memories  the circumstances of our lives together  unfolding in a way  that seemed so circumstantial with little input from "me" as this "I" they see as mother. In other words, I take full responsibility for anything I did or didn't do that led them to where they are now but I do see how that is only a tiny bit of it.  Why then are they suffering so?  Why has this big dark cloud landed over us and why has it followed us around for so long, even when I am so devoted to my sadhana? It is one thing that I suffer from my personal woes but to see them suffering...man, that is hard to watch. Sigh! 

So, I wanted to know in Yogic terms if I was paying off a karmic debt and if so how could I pay it off sooner. Willing to do the work required etc.  So that is why, I suppose, the words were following me out of bed this morning. 

Now according to Oxford Languages, Karma is destiny or fate following as effect from cause. And Impetus is the force that makes something happen or happen more quickly. In most of our limited understanding of things, here in the east, karma is that force that makes things happen, right? These words are pointing in the same direction: What force is causing this suffering to take place? My limited mind says: Karma. 

Then I ask, what is the cause of this effect?  Followed by  the old egoic question, "What have "I" done to deserve this? (Yes ego always brings it back to little "me" and "my children" is an idea that belongs to little me. ) 

Carrying a Core Belief is Karma

 Like many people I am still caught up in the idea that Life is doing this to me ( through my children...the softest and most vulnerable spot I have ) .  I have advanced so far in my practice but there is still a core belief within me that I am being punished by some force out there for some terrible deed I did but cannot remember in this life or in another. I am working off my debt and the more I practice the more suffering I see in my children becasue I am "consciously" working it off?? 

Sadhguru often reminds us that we are 99 % living our lives unconsciously and we are not taking responsibility for what we are doing, thinking and saying. So wrapped up in these memories we have from this life, and what we inherited from the lives our ancestors lived. We have developed likes and dislikes and we tramp around the planet experiencing life through these memories. and gravitating towards our likes...moving away from the dislikes.  This, he tells us, is Karma.  

You are the source of your life, your karma.

Inside Not Outside

So the impetus that keeps this maternal body going is not something outside me...it is inside.  It is all about how I carry these memories and if I am still allowing them (and my desire) to pull me here or there.  My children are living out their own fate based on their memories as well.  These memories, of course, are our samskaras.  And Yoga is all about freeing ourselves from them. We can be imprisoned in this type of "karmic debt" or we can be free of it by our willingness to be so, followed by a new impetus to move forward in a higher/deeper direction. Hmmm! 

There is so much to learn, so much wisdom to gain.  with every bit of challenge or suffering we witness. 

All is well! 

Sadhguru ( 2019) Does Good Karma Cancel Out Bad Karma.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnoB01msarw