More of Merton's Wisdom on Writing

If you write for God you will reach many men and bring them joy.  If you write for men-you may make some money and you may give someone a little joy and you may make some noise in the world, for a little while. If you write for yourself, you can read what you have written and after ten minutes you will be so disgusted that you will wish that you were dead.
Thomas Merton

I know this idea of "rejection" of my writing is not as it feels lol.  "I" was not rejected...what came through me was simply not accepted for publication.  There were other entries whose words were more suitable, better put together and chosen by humans in a position to judge what they thought was good or not so good.  That is perfectly okay.  Besides this little sting pales in comparison to what I am feeling from the loved ones I spoke about the other day.  This is "puny" pain and egoic pain.

I was doing , as yesterday's quote reminds us not to do.  I was focusing on the hope of better results.  I was hoping these poems would get published because it was "my" first real exposure as a so called "poet" and I thought it would give "me" a new identity that would strengthen "my ego".  

I mean there was a higher reason for hoping as well...I do believe there is wisdom in these words that come through me, even if there may not be enough skill,  poetic grace and beauty lol. There is wisdom I would like to share.   I know this wisdom doesn't come from my puny little understanding of things but something greater...that higher understanding that connects us all. 

Still ego did step in and say, "Well maybe I can call these poems "mine" and if they are good they will get published and I will be known as a poet so I can redeem myself from this now career-less, title-less , and somewhat doing-less state  I find myself in.  At least if I will be doing something  worthwhile if I say I write 'read"poetry...I will be  something in society's eyes." 

Sigh! Despite all the work I do to dismantle ego, I still have this desire to appear a certain way.  Habit mind is still around. :)

I renew my effort to realize the higher purpose of my writing...not the ego purpose. I choose to write for God!

It is all good.  It really, really is.  The arrow is removed and the little  wound is healing beautifully!