Readers?

In order to be heard, an author must have readers...
-Rachel Heffington

The second day of 2020 and the world is a beautiful snowy landscape outside my window. It is lovely (even lovelier because some one else did the shovelling and digging out :)

I am sitting here wondering what to write about.  I was drawn to some old entries from March 2017 after checking what pages readers were tapping into.  I do that when I come here...check my stats and reread what was read to make sure it reads well and that there is not too many grammatical errors .  Oh I still have a writer's ego lol.

Checking The Stats for Readers

Truth is these entries shown as read on the stats page may have been opened and not read... hitch hiking sites or whatever they are that I am technically too slow to understand...often appear as my readers.  I also think I get people who accidentally pop in and pop out just as fast.  Today my stats show a "url-opener " as a reader.  Now that sounds scary!  Can this opener open up into my private   business?  Going to have to look into that.  

I guess I still cannot get my head around the fact that someone out there might actually come here to read what I have written because they want to, because they are getting something from it.  Even when I get wonderful and positive feedback that I am making a difference in some one's life by being here...I still don't believe it.  I assume that the readership my stats record, be it 3 a day or over 100, is either accidental, incidental or with an ulterior motive. Shamer ego still lingers around in the background of my psyche.

Does It Matter?

That keeps bringing me back to the question: Does it matter? Would knowing that no one out there liked what I had to say enough to read it stop me from doing what I do?  The answer is a resounding "No!"   I am pulled here everyday, just the same and it doesn't matter if my ego gets fed or if it gets flattened like a pancake for being here...I will continue to write here almost every morning.  This compulsion is truly bigger than little "me". I don't understand it but it is. Sigh!

Is Feedback Necessary?

I could use some feedback though. I think? Actually I don't know if it is ego or me that wants the feedback. Whatever part of me it is that seeks feedback and that checks my stats, wants to know if I am actually reaching anyone out there...if the people I see on my stats page are legit. I mean,  I know some are because I have heard back from a few wonderful people  in the past.

That part of me wants some form of external validation.  Hmmm! I am certainly not requiring to be recognized or famous...ego might want that but I don't need it!  In fact...it might get in the way if it was the case. I just need to know that this mission I am on (one I don't even fully understand yet)  ...to learn-teach-learn ...has found the right medium for now. Maybe I have to take it elsewhere?

I am also so curious about how my message is being received. Does it make sense to others? How many other people actually get what I am writing about...are actually where I am at in this new understanding of things?  There has to be so many like minded individuals out there, doesn't there?  Wow!  What could they teach me?

Don't worry about the details!

Another part of me...the bigger part of me...tells me to just trust Life and this pull I  feel to come here; to just respond with a resounding "Yes!" when it asks me to listen to it  every morning...to heed the call, plop my butt down here in front of this computer key board that is so wore out half the letters are gone...and write! That part of me tells me I do not have to concern myself with the details.  I just have to write and  it will take care of the rest. Hmmm!

This is indeed a very strange thing that is happening to me. Yet...it feels so very, very right. I cannot help but to come here...readers or not.


Anyway...such petty stuff to begin the New Year with.  :)

All is well.