Recognizing A Shared Humanity

 

Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.

Pema Chodron

 

 

 Before I get to the next ten lessons, which do apply very much to what I have been writing about of my personal experience, I  need to acknowledge this big "blob of thinking" that my body and mind keep taking me back to.

 

The Blob on the Page

 

 As I sit down to write, I keep coming back to  my present worry and frustration about a change that is taking place in my body and the circumstances that are surrounding it.  It is not something I would normally share.  Very few people in my immediate surroundings know about my experience. I am not sharing it, off the page,  because I have not been told what this is yet  and  have no intention of worrying loved ones with it until I have been. Yet when I come here to write about training the mind, which is ultimately what ACIM and all the teachings I am delving into lately are about,...out it plops onto the page...like a big blob of ink I cannot hide.  I cannot seem to ignore it so I write around it.

 

When I don't resist it from coming out  or when I don't beat myself up for spilling it all out here, I discover something. What seemed like an obstacle in the way of my understanding and my intention to share on a less personal level ... can  actually be  more of a doorway than a wall.  It can be  a doorway into  a greater understanding, and a portal into being able to teach at a higher level.  It could be an opening into  healing for me and others. Instead of being "blocked" by it, I can find a way through the worry and frustration and at the same time I can use it to do what I am here to do...teach and learn; learn and teach. That's pretty cool.

 

So how do I get through it and what do I  teach with it?

 

Compassion

 

I get through it with the thing that heals all and that is what we all need to teach and learn. That thing is compassion. Though, I really need to practice Maître ( loving kindness) toward myself which I honestly have a hard time doing when I am less than 100% productive,  I also have to realize that I am not the only one experiencing this. What a wonderful opportunity for all of us to learn to practice compassion.  I am going to use the Buddhist teachings and more specifically Tonglen.

 

First: Open to What is with Maître

 

Maître is all about being kind to self and whatever we are experiencing.  It is about accepting ourselves wherever we are at, lovingly and nonjudgmentally. We can use it in our compassionate practice as a first step in opening up to what is.

 

Once we  remove the  story, the words, concepts, ideas, judgments etc from around the experience, we need to simply feel what we feel.  We  need to compassionately sit with the physical pain, the worry, the fear, the frustration and the anger and resentment, without judging it or the self for it. I practice this but I don't always find it easy .

 

Staying Open to Physical Pain

 

My spiral, in this example of my personal experience, usually starts with pain. Physical pain is easier for me. I have a high pain threshold and I can tolerate a fair amount of pain.  I can naturally open up to it, allow it. I can sit with that.  What I am challenged by is how, when I become aware of the pain,  the mind just seems to automatically take off with it. It carries it into one thought stream after another. I suddenly, it seems without warning, find myself closed to the pain and all that follows. 

 

The trick is to know when I closed and keep bringing myself back to an open acceptance of what is in my moment.

 

Staying Open to Worry

 

Pain often leads me to worry. So I want  to catch myself before or during worry. If I realize I am worrying about what is going on and what the pain might mean, I want to be able   to just sit with the feeling...to allow all the words around it fade away and just sit with the worry.

 

The words, thoughts, story line will come back in throughout my practice again and again...and I just need to clump it all up into "THINKING" and gently, lovingly and kindly bring myself back to moment, body, breath...back to worry and from worry back into  the physical pain again if it is still in my moment. 

 

Accept  what is and allow it.

 

Staying Open to F.E.A.R

 

Sometimes, I don't catch it at worry and the spiral  escalates into a full blown fear response . I wake up and find myself there. The narrator in my head is even more persistent and dramatic at those times. Once again I gently remove myself and the feeling of  fear from the storyline created by the mind to keep it going.  I open to the fear, I accept it, I allow it and I  feel it until it subsides into worry Then I watch as  the worry eventually dissolves into physical pain again.

 

Staying Open to Shame, Guilt, Anger, Blame, and Frustration

 

Sometimes, the spiral pulls me so fast through worry and fear that I find myself frustrated and angry over the story created about my waiting and what is happening with the delays etc. I see that I  want to blame and lash out at others and life.  I catch myself there.  I breathe. I gently pull the anger, frustration or blame...whatever I am experiencing... from the story and I sit with that as the story slowly dissolves around me.  Guilt and shame might pop in...I sit with that. From there I watch as I am carried back to anger, blame and then frustration. From there I am guided back into fear and from there worry and finally back into physical pain. I am back in the body; back in my moment  and I breathe it out there.

 

This usually isn't an uninterrupted process.  Thoughts and story will often pop in, bringing with them a host of unexpected emotions.  Being open, means being okay with that...almost expecting the interruption  and allowing it. So we catch ourselves being carried away by story...that awareness that it is just a story allows it to dissolve.  We are left with whatever feeling is there and we stay open to that. Until the next interruption arises. We slip off, become aware that we have and we gently bring self back again ad again and again.

 

Be Open and Kind to Self First

 

Because this feels like such a big and heavy thing in the middle of my life it is hard for me to see around it to other people.  I know I have to put a great deal of my practice into opening up with Maitre before I can extend my compassion in a meaningful way outward to others.   

 

Just Like Me...

 

Once I am open I can begin to recognize and open up to  the suffering of others. I can breathe it in.  I remind myself that there are others going through what I am going through,  that are in some ways just like me.:

 

There are others out there that wake up in the morning with similar pain and who are being swept away by a series of thoughts and worries when they feel it...just like me. 

 

There are others who have experienced the same set of delays and circumstances I have ( I just need to think of the women who were in the waiting room with me that day)....just like me.

 

There are others who are wondering what is happening to their bodies  and feeling fear as a result. ...just like me.

 

There are others out there feeling powerless and at the mercy of the egos and decisions of others...just like me.

 

There are others who are frustrated with the system, angry, wanting to lash out and  blame others for being afraid  whether it is justified or not...just like me.  

 

 

Open up to the  Similar suffering of others

 

So if this is a formal practice I would meditate on breathing in the dark heavy cloud of the suffering of others with the wish or intention that they be free of it. If it is more of an impromptu in the moment  practice...every time I get a bout of pain I can think of others having similar pain and wish that they be relieved of it; every time I worry I can think of others worrying and wish that they be relieved of that worry etc.  Or anytime I run into someone who is experiencing something even remotely similar or any suffering in general...I can open up to that suffering, allow it into my being with a sincere wish they be free of it.

 

Extend compassionate thoughts out

 

In a formal practice I would breathe out light, coolness, fresh healing energy to all those who I imagine are suffering a certain way.  In the on the spot practice...when I feel pain I can wish that all those with pain are now healed and finding joy, well being, mobility, freedom, etc.

 

"The Bravest Step"

 

We can take this a step farther, only  if we are brave enough and open enough to do so.  We can say, "Since I am feeling this pain anyway, may I carry the pain for others.  May they feel less pain with the more I carry." I have done this before when I was much younger, not knowing then that I was practicing Tonglen, and it gave my pain purpose and meaning.  Though it did not take it away, it made it so much more bearable. 

Now I think I can do that with the physical aspect of my so called "suffering" right now.  I can take more physical pain for others. I am not sure I can do it with the fear though.  I am not sure if I am brave enough. And that is okay.  In my practice of maître, that is okay.

 

So those are the steps of getting through such experiences. I think I am finally ready to move on from this...at least on the page.  Hope my use of this example has helped someone else.  I know it has helped me.

 

All is well.

 

Pema Chodron (Sept, 2016) Good Medicine Part 1: How to Turn Pain into Compassion with Tonglen Meditation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gzMOY1AI_M

 

Pema Chodron (Sept, 2016) Good Medicine Part 2: How to Turn Pain into Compassion with Tonglen Meditation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3h5vPerR87s

 

Michael Singer (2007) the untethered soul. New Harbinger