Even if the mind doesn't understand...

[The wise man] knows it is often impossible for the mind to understand what place or purpose a seemingly random event has in the tapestry of the whole...
Eckhart Tolle

Sigh!

In case you haven't noticed yet...I am pretty much choking on this  physical event that has showed up in my life two months ago.   It is like a big fat fur ball in my mind...I just want to cough it up and be done with it. It is the way of my writing, my sleeping and my living but I just cannot seem to be rid of it yet.  Sigh!

Bad enough to have this thing on my body that my mind tells me "shouldn't be there" and to wake up every night with the pain that pulls  me right back  into a ruminating mind but  on top of that there were so many bizarre circumstances  around this ...it has become extra challenging for my mind to cough it up and be done with this life event. Sigh!

So  I slip, too often these days,  from a state of presence into a state of diminished consciousness where I find myself ruminating, stuck in the past, analyzing, seeking validation for my conclusions, focusing on the behaviours of others, not trusting, wishing I handled things differently, and worried about the future. I guess what Tolle calls the "pain body" is active and when it is active I am in a place I do not want to be. I am stuck in my head and my story and not experiencing Life now. Sigh!

My mind wants to understand what this is and why it has entered my life.  It tells me it won't settle until I have more answers.  It is not going to trust the very vague ones I have received to date from someone who appears to have a very different agenda than mine. It wants to push me into action and seeking using anger, fear and worry to move me forward. Sigh!

My guess, is that you find yourself in a similar spot form time to time. One where you find yourself slipping back into your diminished consciousness more often than you want to for one reason or another? One where the mind demands to understand why something has shown up in your Life and what you are supposed to do with it? One where you notice that pain body has crawled back up on the waiting bench with you?  One where you find yourself sighing out loud again and again?

So what do we do to end all this sighing? 

This is what I think we need to do to get rid of this unhealthy reaction to circumstance and to feel peaceful again.:

• Tap into alert awareness:  Don't try to stop the thinking....or to force yourself into alertness. Just gently slip into still spaciousness whenever you can.  Focus on your surroundings, what your five senses are picking up: the sights, smells, sounds around you etc.  Be aware of what the inner body feels like...the aliveness in you. Breathe...be aware that you are breathing and follow that breath.  The moment you do that...you won't be lost in thought anymore. Proceed from there...
• Be aware of thoughts, feelings and behaviours: The most important thing we need to do is be aware of how we are reacting to the circumstance. "What am I doing, thinking, feeling and how conscious am I in all this?" This awareness will only occur once you have become still and present. Notice that you slipped away from presence without beating yourself up for doing so.  I have slipped and am aware that I am slipping from presence  more often than I want to.  I am aware of my thinking , my emotions and my behaviours as a result of this reaction. As soon as we become aware that we have slipped we are conscious once again
• Allow the feelings and thoughts.  When we resist feeling or thinking a certain way we create suffering on top of the pain. Just allow the feelings and the thinking.  As I said yesterday, I became very aware of my egoic thinking in relation to the circumstances that surrounded this and my health seeking experiences.  I allowed those thoughts to come.  I allowed the feelings of anger, mistrust, fear and worry.  I felt such a relief to just allow them. That doesn't mean I want to stay there but in order to go "through" them so I can relieve them...I have to allow them.  Resisting, denying, pretending to think and feel in ways we don't won't help us.
• Filter the emotions from the story:  I have learned this important step from Pema Chodron.  We need to recognize our feelings and eventually filter them from the story that surrounds them.  Without getting lost in thoughts about who did what and what something may or may not be...just feel the fear, the worry, the anger and frustration. Experience it.
• Continue to Observe yourself from a state of alertness: When we observe our minds, we are detached from our thinking  and not lost in the story it is telling us.
• Accept and allow the life event into your moment when it enters: So what is happening in your life right now? Accept it.  Allow it.  I have pain.  I accept and allow the pain. I have this abnormal tissue...it is what it is. I have no real diagnosis but some strange and vague ones that no longer make sense to me...that is okay.  It is what it is right now...I have these thoughts and feelings...that is okay too.  As long as I don't resist what is, struggle against it, attempt to deny it and suppress it...I will not suffer.  Suffering only comes when we refuse to accept what is.
• Refuse to allow the event to fill your moment:  So when we allow the life event to be what it is we find a place for it in that space that is us.  It does not, however, need to cover that space so completely we see nothing else.  For example....this fear of what this might be...is real and I will accept it but I won't allow it to consume me...it is just something floating over the surface of what is always detached and peaceful. If I look closely enough at it...I will see it is only water vapour, a cloud floating past a perfect blue sky.
• Respond when the time comes: Take part in inspired action when you are pulled to do so.  Certainly make plans if the inspired thought comes to "do" something about it but there is a difference between reacting and responding, right?  Reaction is usually based on egoic desperation and fear.  It seldom serves us or others. Reaction is based on what Wayne Dyer often termed F.E.A.R...false -evidence -appearing- real.  Responding is peaceful, purposeful action that serves and does no intentional harm.  It is based on truth.

So we can deal with random life events without getting lost in the suffering or the story that leads us to spend our day sighing in frustration and worry. We can , instead, make the choice to seek peace and deal with each issue life presents with calm acceptance and purposeful response. We can trust Life even if the mind does not understand how each fiber is being weaved into the tapestry of who we are.

All is well in my world.