A Friend to self and Self

 Elevate yourself through the power of your mind, and not degrade yourself, for the mind can be the friend and also the enemy of the self. 

Bhagavad Gita 6: 5 

Do you use your mind to raise yourself up or do you use your mind to tear yourself down?  And what is this self that we are tearing down?

Hmm!  I often tear myself down and what I am tearing down is that which is something that is getting in the way of me being all I can be. I am told and believe that it is not healthy to tear this self down. Ironically, then, I  am concerned about tearing down the "self" ( note the little 's')  that is in the way of me experiencing who I really am...the Self ( note the big 'S').  Is that not the case for most of us with twisted psyches...self concepts that are less than healthy and positive...created on a platform of negative messaging from others?  We come to believe in our core that we are not enough and that we deserve reprimand and punishment. So we live a life of tearing down the self with the mind...with what I call the "Shamer Ego" component of mind, an enemy. Living out self fulfilling prophecy, self sabotage, and negative and critical self talk often becomes the way of tearing down this self.  Any psychologist would tell you how unhealthy that is.

Big 'S' or little 's'

Yet, at the same time , if we are inclined to take those steps to deeper understanding that go beyond psychology, we will see that this thing we are tearing down is not something we want to preserve for higher reasons than self punishment anyway.  This thing we are tearing down is actually just a veil, an idea, an ego, a mind created blockage, that is in our way of something greater...the Self. It is something we are addicted to, something we are so inclined to focus on for shaming or redeeming reasons that it takes up all our conscious awareness. It is something we get lost in and overly identified with becasue it is all we can see. 

All we can see

Why is it all we can see? It is all we can see because it is all we are looking at.  We narrowed this amazing light of Self ( pure conscious awareness) to shine onto this entity and its "me, my, or mine" drama, at the exclusion of everything else. This self is not real yet it is what is causing all our suffering. It is like a big blob in front of the One thing that is real, beautiful, true. ...the One thing that is full of light, love, safety. The blob is so big and dark we can only see glimpses of light around it, if anything at all. So if we are lucky enough to catch a glimpse of the light and reality beneath this blob, why wouldn't we want to knock down this wall of self( with the little 's') so we can feel that warmth, peace, joy and ultimate safety of the Self with the big "S"?

Enemies to self

Hmm! Most of us, however, who spend their lives tearing down the self are not aware of the light beyond it, are not aware that there is more. We are consumed by the blob, believing that is all there is and that we are it.  We are so busy focusing on the negative drama of little me...a drama we created by the way, with our resistance to what Life was handing out and our karmic consequences brought on by the ways in which we resisted....that we are lost in it. Shamer ego rules. We use the mind to tear down and degrade  self not for Self, but for self. We make enemies of our minds. It is unhealthy.

Being kind to self to get to Self

Yes, the ultimate goal is to get to Self...well to fall back into Self, realizing that it is there and has always been there...but we failed to see that because we were distracted by our focus on self. So, yes we do want to remove self...to die to be reborn. We want to be able to use this amazing power of the mind to shine on everything without that annoying blob limiting our clarity and vision. We want to see who we are is Self, and that we were never self...that entity we degraded and beat down so often. Still we do not want to keep beating down this thing we are believing we are in the meantime. We want the mind to be a friend , not an enemy.

A friend

Let's stop making the mind the enemy of self.  Let's just, without degradation or abuse, remove the light of consciousness from this me-blob we believe we are and shine it towards the background where the light is sure to shine, if only in glimpses at first, until all we see and feel is the light of Self.

It isn't going to be easy.  Breaking an addiction takes committed will power and practice. Even our self abusing tendencies are habitual...but just knowing that can be a step forward can't it? We do not have to continue using the mind to tear self down, we can use it to shine on Self.  We can.  We can. 

All is well in my world.. 

 Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( September 8, 2023) The Focus of  Consciousness. https://tou.org/talks/

Wanting and Craving

 Crave for a thing, you will get it. Renounce the craving, the object will follow you by itself.

Swami Sivananda

I just read something I wrote in 2017 when I was still very much into desire manifesting.  It sounds so contradictory to what I "believe"?/"know"? now.  It was in 2018 that I began studying Buddhist teachings and gaining a different but much clearer perspective.  

Normal to Want

Yes, I believe as humans we are going to "want" and even "crave" for Life to be wholesome and somewhat easy.  It is so "normal" to want, dream and fantasize about something other than what is when "what is" is full of one difficulty after another. It is so human to "hope" for something better when the moment we are in is full of obvious suffering. That doesn't mean, however, that we should get so attached and so caught up on this "me" getting what it wants that we fail to see the bigger picture.  We need to get to the point where we see that the problem isn't so much in not getting the thing we want...it is in the wanting itself...more specifically,  in our attachment to desire.  

Attached to Desire?

We may manifest that thing on our dream board but for how long is it going to make us happy and is it truly going to fulfill us in the long run?  If we take the time to examine our minds and how they operate, we will see that we do not stay happy very long after we get what we dreamed of. We will soon hear mind telling us to go after or seek to manifest something else, then something else, and something else. Won't we? It is a never ending striving this wanting takes us on, isn't it?  

Already in you

As far as having that thing fulfill us/ make us happy/ solve all our problems etc ...it doesn't. We just think it does.  We are already fulfilled.  We already have all the conditions we need for happiness, even in the midst of so called suffering.  We are just closed to them, that's all, so we cannot feel that flow of peace, joy, compassion, bliss ( sat chit ananda) that is within us already. When we get the thing on our list we open and we experience this wonderful flow of shakti through us.  .....so it is like "Oh my...I got what I always wanted and now I am happy." That is just ego trying to be the hero , taking credit for what isn't its. You were always happy...you just didn't know it because you were so busy looking out there  you failed to recognize what was already in you. You attributed your happiness to a condition of Life.  You attributed your happiness to manifesting a thing because it helped you to open to what was already in you. We need to observe how the attainment of our dreams and desires  fails to keep us open. There is no permanence to any of these things we are attempting to manifest. Relationships, wealth, abundance, success, recognition etc are just outer world conditions that can leave us just as quickly as they can be "manifested" into our lives.  It is like trying to hold on to beech sand. It doesn't sustain our happiness.  It doesn't fulfill us.  It is just a bunch of ceaseless grasping and clinging to things we cannot hold. 

Internal Cause for Both Suffering and Happiness

Our dreaming and fantasizing often increases in times of suffering. When life is challenging and difficult we often want it to be different. We resist what is and dream of or attempt to manifest something better. But just as the things "out there" have nothing to do with our happiness and fulfillment, they also have little or nothing to do with our suffering. The source for both our suffering and our happiness is internal, not external. Once we realize that we stop being so attached to our desires.  We stop attempting to manifest in this way. We find peace with the moment regardless of what is going on in it as we take accountability for our own inner states of being.  Instead of asking "How can I get this or that so I am happy?", we ask: "What do I need to work on inside of me so I open to the happiness that is already there?"  Totally different ball game, let me tell ya. 

Dealing in the  Interphase

There is an interphase we might encounter, however, between this realization that desire is the source of our suffering and our being completely free of its hold. In the podcast linked below, Michael Singer talks about  our tendency to want to suppress "desire" which I believe he sees as renouncing. Once we see how damaging dreaming and wanting  and attempting to manifest can be to our acceptance of the reality of the present moment, we might decide to go to war against it. He sees this as taking part in a tug of war between the higher Self (who we are behind mind)  and the lower self ( our desires and habit mind). The higher Self is beyond desire and knows that all the peace and joy we want is already within us; the lower self is that habit mind that attempts to fulfill the wants and needs of "little me" by manipulating and taking from the outside world.  Once we commit to awakening from little me's dream, we may make it and the mind's habitual tendencies the enemy, and set out to fight those pulls or calls toward desire and the lower self energy. We may resist with great might our habit minds and our human inclination toward wanting. We feel, for example, a desire coming up, say the craving for a cigarette after a month of not smoking. Though it is true that  we should not give into that desire to smoke because every time we give in we reinforce habit, we might erroneously assume that we should tighten our grip on the rope and pull against it. We might attempt to resist, repress or suppress the desire with great force. We might hate it or ourselves for having that desire as we try to squish it down below the surface of conscious awareness like we so often tend to do with energies that are disturbing. This, Singer reminds us, doesn't work.  It just creates more struggle and we will find ourselves  constantly attempting to put out fires, constantly trying to make our dips into negativity less negative,

Don't Resist, Transcend. Relax and Let Go

The only way to deal with desire and our lower energies  is through transcendance and this takes time and practice. Instead of attempting to put out every fire and disturbance of energy craving creates, we should recognize our desire, allow it, be compassionate with it and ourselves as we lean back and loosen our grip on the rope we are holding onto. We don't fight it.  We don't give into it.  We just relax and let go.   It doesn't have to be a battle between desire and us. We do not have to be pulled face down into the mud.  We do not have to resist.. We can simply relax and let go, falling back into that peaceful place of Higher Self. The lower energy will dissolve on its own. 

Anyway, that is what I thought of as I read my entry on the "not wanting cancer" and observed how much I have grown since then in my understanding of both dukkha and sukha. Hope it makes some sense to someone other than me.

All is well.

https://dale-lynwritin.blogspot.com/2017/05/acceptance-vs-giving-up-on-wanting.html

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( Sept 4, 2023) The Yoga of Letting Go-Staying True to Your Higher Clarity.https://tou.org/talks/

Thank you

 

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough. 

Meister Eckhart

Well I have the new Google analytics up and running and those spikes in numbers of views are not legitimate lol.  Rational Mind knew that but there was a tiny remnant of ego in me that wanted to believe they were real and that I was suddenly becoming popular. I was even looking into amortization. I had this thought...Maybe I can get paid for doing what I love to do here.  Wow. Wouldn't that be cool.  

I am not as awake as I thought I was. I am still caught up in desire and still caught up in an ego...focusing on its likes and dislikes....assuming the answer to my financial woes, and the key to  happiness can be found in some form of writing notoriety. And I thought I was so far beyond all that.  I didn't come here to get thousands of readers...just enough to know I was fulfilling the writing cycle.  I didn't come here to become a renown teacher; I just needed a venue to share what I am learning in.  

 I am not done yet, I guess. I am still clinging to things, to desire, to  a tiny expectation that Life should be different than it is, that the way it is isn't enough. This was a wonderful little lesson on the impermanence of those things the ego  seeks in hope they will fulfill us. It was also a good lesson on the unreal vs the real. Even if those stats were true...what I assumed they would give me could never be real.  Readers come in and they go...just as notoriety does...just as a money does.  Not that there is anything wrong with having these things...there isn't . We do not need to renounce and say "no" to external world success, if it should come our way.  The only issue would be in becoming attached to having these things...seeing oneself  as needing them in order to be whole an complete. 

I already have within me everything required for joy and happiness.  I already have within me what is important and what is real. It is enough.  It is more than enough.  I have loyal readers.  I see you on google analytics. Thank you! Thank you!

All is well!

Done Taking?

 When you are done taking, you are done with yourself.  You just serve. 

Michael A. Singer

Another glorious day out there.  The sun is shining, the air is warm during the day and a bit crisp at night.  Pears should be ready soon and the apples are waiting on that first frost. The trees are already starting to change in colour.  Seeing glimpses of reds, oranges and yellows as I look about.  I love September.  It is my favorite season. Oh, there I go preferring again.  Preferring something over  another is such a part of habit mind, isn't it? 

Let's talk about the preferring and habitual personal mind. 

Most of our day to day affairs are propelled by habit mind, wouldn't you say?  We proceed through the day, not quite aware of anything but personal mind's repetitive instructions: "Go here, Get that, Do that, Don't do that. Stay away from there etc." It is like we are sleep walking. Goldstein in the linked podcast below tells us that habit is just a gentle word for addiction. Hmm! We get addicted to things "out there" and "in here" being a certain way, don't we? (Well ego gets addicted). We just listen to the mind, as if hypnotized, and follow its instructions, getting so caught up in its drama and story,  without truly realizing what we are doing. Maybe we need to stop and have a good look at our minds and what we are thinking, feeling, saying and doing in reaction to them.

Singer reminds us that we have this tendency to become so fixated on the personal mind...that ego...that thing we created with all its habits, preferences, likes and dislikes, with all its story and drama,  that we cannot see the impersonal reality beyond it. Waking up involves taking our attention away from personal mind and placing it on the impersonal reality of what is.

Hold on crazy lady!  What do you mean by" personal mind" and "impersonal reality" ?

Personal mind, your ego, is the self-concept that you created.  There truly is nothing in this existence that is personal except for what you made up in your mind.  This idea of a "person" is just a self-concept...an idea made from all the memories of experiences you have had over the years. It really isn't real.  There really is no "me, my, or mine" in the fabric of existence. Yet, we are all so caught up in this drama of  "me", and thereby  using whatever we can in the service of this "me".  We habitually attempt to  take from the world around us what we erroneously assume will bring happiness, comfort, joy and fulfillment to this ego, this idea of "me"and to push away what will disturb it.  We attempt to use the world to serve the "me" and its addiction. So focused on serving "me" in this mind made drama are we that we fail to see anything beyond it. We are so tangled up in our habits...those preferences...that all our energy and consciousness goes to the service of this unreal personal mind.  Our ever expanded, spacious consciousness constricts and contracts its beam of light so narrowly on this personal mind when we do that. We miss so much!

What is Real

According to the teachings of the Buddha, as passed on by Joseph Goldstein...there are only six things we can experience as human beings: the sights before our eyes, the sounds we pick up with our ears,  the tastes and smells we absorb, the sensations we experience through the skin and all the mental stuff going on in our heads .  This is what our body picks up and through the veil of "me" we wear it is often not experienced fully. Our perception colours it and often makes it less than real.  The universe, on the other hand, is real but it is not here to serve"you"or "me" as we come to believe it is in our self centered focus.  It is here with its own agenda. It has been expanding, growing and evolving perfectly  over billons of years to get to where it is now...to get to that narrow window of experience that enfolds in front of us in each moment. We are not meant to take from it that which will help our ego grow, that which will feed our addictions...we are here to experience it, enjoy it, respect it, be in awe of it as we serve it. 

Refocus the Light of Consciousness

If we could learn through steady practice to remove the light from this idea of "me" we would see something so much greater. Of course, it all begins with the willingness to stop and observe our minds and our habits and what we are doing, to wake up a bit from our sleep walking tendency.  It starts with recognizing that "preferring" did not take us anywhere but to suffering and bondage. It starts with wanting to be free of our addiction to "me".  We can refocus the light of consciousness on what is real by simply removing the light from the unreal "me". If we want to be free, we need to let go of our preferences and our habit minds...we need to die to be reborn.

Anyway, there is so much more in the below linked podcasts than what I could ever offer you here. Have a listen.

All is well. 

Joseph Goldstein/ Be Here Now Network ( August, 2023) The Wisdom of "No" with Joseph Goldstein-                   Insight Hour Podcast-Ep 178. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BacE8zOrcGk

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( September 3, 2023) Understanding Personal Vs                                  Impersonal. https://tou.org/talks/

 

Did I really have over 1700 views today so far, over 3000 yesterday and over 13, 000 since September first? I strongly, strongly doubt it.  So what is going on? Any ideas anyone? 

If , on the off chance, it is legit...thank you very, very  much Singapore!!!!!! And a giant thank you, as well, to all my other readers, So very grateful!

If I sound suspicious it is because I am lol. Such a rapid spike would leave anyone questioning, wouldn't it? I  just can't understand it. 

It is all good. 

Renunciation

 

Renunciation is not getting rid of the things of this world, but accepting that they pass away.

Robert Baker Aitken

I'm back! Lovely weekend away, full of adventure. We trail rode horses, zip lined, repelled down cliffs and played golf.  D. and I slept in a two man tent that truly was not meant for someone who is 6 foot 1 lol and though my mind loved being beneath the stars in the fresh wooded air, my body did not like the hard bumpy ground.  That would take some getting used to.  It reminded me of Ram Dass describing how he made the trek through Northern India to meet his Guru for the first time...a fairly well to do westerner toughing it out, lying on the ground for nights and nights.  His body reacted miserably to the trials and tribulations he put it through on that journey  but eventually he got used to it. Of course, I did not endure as much suffering...it was all very pleasant except for the ground and the back is still growling a bit but I did want to tough it out a bit in honour of him. 

Dealing

Anyway, I came home to the same circumstances I left. I was  re-energized but a little less rested than I hoped to be.  Oh well...we will deal. 

So in the process of dealing...I am contemplating what to say "yes" to and what to say "no" to.  Of course, the very first thing to do is accept what is as it is right now; to notice what is unfolding in front of me, allow it ( without resistance), look deeply into what is happening "out there" and what is happening "in here" as a result of it...what am I thinking, feeling, saying and how am I acting.  Is it wholesome or unwholesome, skillful or unskillful and then I need to nurture myself with some loving compassion as I nurture the others involved with the same level of compassion. Hmm! Not so easy as it looks. 

Back to "Yes" or "No"

I just happened upon two podcasts today...and both address this idea of renunciation in their own ways,one from a buddhist perspective and one from a Yogi perspective.  The core truth is the same in both teachings but the "concept" possibly differs. Speakers in both podcasts speak of the Buddha's amazing insight that the core of all suffering is our craving, our desires, our clinging and grasping and our preferences which creates the habit mind. The habit mind binds us. The way out of suffering is a letting go of these habit tendencies, this attachment to things being a certain way "out there". They both also speak of the counter part to desire which is aversion, stressing it is the opposite side of the  same coin that leads to suffering. 

Renunciation from A Buddhist Perspective

Goldstein says that renunciation which is a big thing in Buddhism...involves renouncing the "unwholesome"  habit tendencies towards sensual desires, ill will and cruelty so we can cultivate the seeds of happiness, joy , kindness and compassion etc . He goes on to describe how the Buddha, who instructed that we must be very aware of what we are thinking because the more we think on one thing the more it will become an inclination of the mind, also advised putting our thoughts into two lists: those that are wholesome and those that are not wholesome or skillful in getting us closer to freedom from suffering. Wholesome thoughts are those that cultivate peace, joy, happiness, compassion and kindness for self and others.  Unwholesome thoughts are those that lead to affliction -more suffering- for self and others.  

It is usually much easier to recognize and deal with the unwholesome thoughts of aversion, anger, hate, etc because we see how they cause suffering in self and others and are usually more motivated do change them,  The unwholesomeness of desire, however, may not be so easy to recognize therefore we may not have the motivation to renounce that which we desire.  We often get that which we want bringing about pleasant results so it seems gratifying and worth pursuing. We often fail in recognizing the suffering desire  causes until we lose that which we were clinging to. There is no permanence in that which we desire from the physical world so it cannot fulfill us for long. It will eventually cause suffering. We will feel the pain of that impermanence, and will then grasp for something else, then something else, and something else.  We will find ourselves on a cyclical  path of struggling to get what we erroneously believe will fulfill us from "out there" ...one thing after the other... until wanting itself becomes what we desire. 

All desire is addictive!  It is a vicious mental game we play and we won't see how it is one we cannot win until we examine our minds. So Goldstein makes  a strong argument about the need to renounce not only the obvious unwholesome thoughts, feelings, actions and words  but the less obvious desire. 

Renunciation from a Yogi's Perspective

Michael A. Singer, however,  often tells us not to renounce anything! "If you try to renounce...you are not through with the physical world."

He stresses in the beginning of his podcast that renunciation and craving are the very same thing. They both mean that we are not done with "things" .  As long as we are not done with things, we will want more or less of what Life offers.  This is preference and desire and this is the cause of suffering. If we are renouncing things then that means we want less of something life offers and  are therefore not done with "things". So I found this contrast to be confusing until I realized the difference in the understanding of   'renunciation' both are using. Singer seems to be  talking about renouncing "things", all that which unfolds in front of us, and Goldstein is talking about renouncing the unwholesomeness and unskillful tendencies of mind. 

When it comes to saying "No" to one thing and "yes" to another, Singer tells us the Yogi says yes to all of it.  They put away judgements of "good or bad, right or wrong, should be or shouldn't be" for "it just is and it has nothing to do with me".   We, as the experiencer, are here to simply  experience and enjoy the dance of creation unfolding in front of us and through us. He tells us to say "yes" to all of it. That doesn't mean we decide what is desirable and go after it ...we just don't determine anything as desirable or anything as undesirable. We don't prefer one thing over the other.  If a relationship unfolds in front of you...wonderful...say "yes"...don't grasp it, don't renounce it.  If Life doesn't offer you a relationship...wonderful...say "yes"...don't crave one or seek one. If material abundance and wealth unfolds in front of you...wonderful...say "yes" ...don't grasp, cling or renounce it. If poverty unfolds in front of you...say "yes"...don't push it away, don't crave or seek wealth.   

In a sense he is saying the same thing Goldstein is saying: See the unwholes tendencies in both aversion and  desire. Stay equanimous. Accept and allow what is

Confusion

I think the confusion, for me, comes with the word "renunciation". It seems to be applied differently. There also seems to be distinction between what the Buddha asks of his bhikkhus and what he asked of  householders. We are all to renounce the attachment we have to the physical world, not necessarily the physical world.  We are, afterall, physical beings.  We are to do as Christ taught, "Be in this world but not of it." Bhikkhus ( Monks and Nuns) outwardly express their detachment to the physical world by giving up their hair, their fashion, their material wealth and relationships with "special" others. Devoted yogis do the same. This is what we come to see as renouncing but is it?  Could this renouncing  be more of a symbolic display, than a practical necessity to take us to freedom? Seems that way, eh? I don't know though. 

Is Loosening Our Attachment Renouncing?

What we all really renouncing, if anything, is our attachment to desire, our attachment to the world needing to be a certain way.  Once we see how desire leads to suffering, how addictive it all is, we won't want to lose ourselves in that bondage anymore.  We will want to be through with things. Not that we won't experience things or have things in our midst, we just won't seek them, cling to them or push them away through resistance. No expectation, no preference, no aversion...just wonderful acceptance and awe of the process of Life.

All About Letting Go

Both speakers agree on one important truth.  Our path to freedom is not about gaining anything...it is about letting go .  We need to let go of this "me", this ego, this habitual personal  mind  with its preferences and aversions, its addictive tendencies, its cravings, its resistance and reactivity.  We do not need to worry about saying "No" to things of this physical world, as much as we need to be willing to say "yes" to all that life is beneath the drama and the masks we wear. 

Hmm!  I am not sure if that says all I meant to say but that is what came out of me on this topic of renunciation. I do not understand it completely. 

All is well.

Joseph Goldstein/ Be Here Now Network ( August, 2023) The Wisdom of "No" with Joseph Goldstein. - Insight Hour Podcast, Episode 178 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BacE8zOrcGk

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe (August 31) Being Done-The Path to Freedom. https://tou.org/talks/

Breaking Clear Away for A Few Days

Keep close to Nature's heart...and break clear away, once in a while, and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. Wash your spirit clean.

John Muir

I need to get off my butt and get moving.  We are going camping today. Taking a loved one who so needs the zap of a dopamine rise, on an adventure that will rise the dopamine, let me tell ya. Not sure if this old ticker that wants nothing more than a decrease in Adrenaline and the other sympathetic hormones...will like it or not ...but we are going to give it a try. Dopamine is the friendly loving cousin in the sympathetic response...though she  often travels with the other not so friendly ones, she is someone we all want around. It makes us feel good and excited, more so than fearful.  I, myself, could do with a Dopamine zap. We will see what happens.

One thing about tenting out in the wilderness, is that it requires a lot of planning and effort. And I am a wee bit tired from that planning and effort, especially after chasing  my grandson around for ten hours. I have yet to finish packing and getting everything together. Sigh.  I need to kind of anticipate that there might not be a lot of "rest" over the next 48 hours to recover in either. Oh well, we are gong to make the best of it and enjoy what we can. I might even bring my cameras...

Anyway, It is all good. See you in a few days.

Favour?

 Find your tribe. They will allow you to be you, while you dance in the rain.

Shannon L. Alder

Okay this blog hit the magic number of 100,000k and just for  last month the site reports 15,000 plus views.  Though there are views from other areas ( grateful...thank you), most of the views are said to be coming from Singapore.  I really, really do not know what is going on. I would like to know if any of the views I am getting are authentic. I am going to ask readers to comment if they will.  Just a "Hey" (and maybe what country you are from)...will suffice. I know it is a lot to ask but if you are willing, I would appreciate it. Thank you. 

All is well in my world. 

The Fruits of Helping Action

 

I work to end suffering without being attached to whether or not suffering ends.

Ram Dass

I am going to share. Brace yourself. I have been feeling so overwhelmed by my present life circumstances again. Feel myself burning out. Why am I frustrated by the suffering of others?:

• It is so in my face.  I cannot escape it anymore. I wake up and it is right there in front of me
• I ...this form and mind...is exhausted and  not 100% well because it is not receiving enough nutriments to sustain it in a wholesome and healthy way.  I have been so busy taking care of others, I neglected myself again. I have been pouring the last little drops out from my dry cup when people come to me with their cups to fill.
• I got lost in the identity of "helper" again.  Redeemer ego  wanted to lift this idea of "me" up to this, "I may be broke; I may have lost all external forms of success; I may not even have so much as a car to drive anymore but wow...look at me...I am a selfless helper. A true martyr." I can't believe I went there again. Yuck!
• and most obviously...I was too attached to the fruits of my actions...I was thinking in my mind, "If I am going to invest all this time and energy into serving, helping...I better see some positive results.  I am not seeing positive results because it doesn't work that way. 
• I feel like a failure as a helper, as a mom and sometimes as a human being. Sigh!

So this is what I observe this "me" experiencing as I look at my reactions to what Life has unfolded in front of me. ( Unfolded? Feels like it dumped ten tons of unfolded laundry on my head  and said "Fold!lol)

Anyway, I can get to  what lies beneath all this apparent chaos of circumstance and reaction for the peace that is there.  That peace is my reality, this doesn't have to be.

• Yes,  it is so much in my face and there appears to be only a little distance between me and it...but there is distance!!! It may not seem like much distance but there is distance.  I am not the suffering going on in me and around me...I am the Observer of it! As soon as I slip into Observer, I create distance between who I am and that which I am observing.  I can also disentangle this little entity called "me" from that which it appears to be tangled up in.  This "me" is not the one with the issues that causes such suffering.  So there is distance there.  I may be holding up that suffering...owning it ...trying to fix it for others but it isn't "mine" in physical terms. I can always put it down or give it back to the person over there that calls themself  the " suffering me".  " I did not create it.  I cannot control it.  I cannot change it." "I didn't break it so I can't fix it." Sigh...just saying that brings a bit of "relief".
• I can begin to look after me.  Now, I do have a problem with that because I am caught between the spiritual intention to dissolve "me" all together and the human intention for psychological and physical  self care. I mean, I know I have physical needs which I am not putting great effort into meeting. That is why my body is reacting right now. Without this body, I can not get around to do anything for anybody here.  I aslo, as a person who is not yet fully evolved, have psychological needs that may involve nurturing this idea of "me" until I get beyond it all together. I mean...I need to find a way to open up to joy and peace even if it involves a certain entrenchment in physical world pursuits that go beyond my yoga practice...I need a break from all this challenging external stuff. ...like a mini escape away from all this for a while to regroup. I do want to be able to remain open to everything that Life gives me...I do...I do not want to run, suppress any more junk, escape ...I want to pay off any karmic debt I owe...but I wonder when we are in a state like this to we accumulate more unwholesome karma? Is it not a good idea to step away for a brief period of time?
• I have to put away the label of "helper".  I am not a helper...I am a human being who simply wants to do what I can for other suffering beings.  I am a human being first...meaning that the human part of me has needs too.  Hmm! I cannot pour from an empty cup.  I have to fill this cup up.
• I also need to stop being so attached to the fruits of my actions...I can only do what I can do and leave the rest up to God.  Just like a physician can not save every life ...they do their best to alleviate suffering and eventually must let go of outcome  to nature....I must do the same here. I cannot save anybody! Especially if they don't want to be saved.  I can love, encourage, support, offer counsel when requested, set limits that protect them and others as much as possible...but that's it. Sigh.  I do not know how this is going to turn out.  I don't.  I see, though,  how this letting go can also have a positive effect on outcome.  There was one individual in this household at one time that I was so sure would never get beyond his choices...I let go...gave him back what was his...gave him a little push out and stood by to encourage and support from a distance. He did overcome that which was holding him down. Sigh
• Oh,  I hear old familiar Shamer Ego in my mind telling me I am a failure as a helper and a Mom...but I do not have to listen.  That is, afterall, just a bunch of old conditioning.  It never served me then and it does not serve me now. I may not be able to shut it up right now but I  can get beyond it.
• I also remind myself that this so called "suffering" is universal.  I am not the only human or the only being suffering. Of course, "my" so called suffering is actually coming from the suffering of those I love...but they are, in my ego mind just extensions of "me" so my mind says ..."my suffering". So many are suffering "out there" and that suffering is often  far greater in other beings, than I have yet to experience. I don't want to lose my sense of compassion for others by focusing on me and mine.  So, I am reading, Incidents in a Life of A Slave Girl, by Harriet Ann Jacobs. Now that puts suffering into perspective...let me tell ya!

I know this seemed like a lot of personal ranting and raving but there are some great lessons in here for all of us.  

All is well.

Ram Dass/ Be Here and Now ( August 29, 2023) Ram Dass on the Optimum Time for Spiritual Growth. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNyxtg2tgWk

Annoying Annie or a River of Joy?

 There is a river of joy flowing inside you. Find it; Go there; Get in it; and drown. 

Michael A. Singer's paraphrasing of Yogananda's Teachings

I want nothing more, as a parent, than to have my childrens' lives  flowing with joy. They aren't.  Like most of us, they are trapped in and tripped up by their reactivity to Life, instead of living it fully. One common thing I see in today's youth, because of their samskaras,  is the presence of "debilitating" anxiety. 

An Annoying Companion

I  often tell my daughter who suffers from social anxiety to think of her anxious mind as a poorly socialized  companion called "Annoying Annie".  I want her to imagine that Annie is always following her around 24-7, jabbering on and on and on in her ear, never shutting up in her unrelenting speech which is  most of the time very negative, fearful and shaming. Sometimes Annie is somewhat subdued and quiet, other times she is loud, obnoxious, and very demanding.  I reminded her that we all know people who do that, that talk for the sake of talking without even realizing what they are doing or aware of how they are impacting others. Much of what they say is self-serving,  has no meaning in it, and is not worth listening to. And though  such friends' heart and original intent may be  good, their presence may be interfering with  our everyday  life and  need to be dealt with. It is not so much the annoying companion we need to deal with ( we can't off them) , but our reaction to them.

I ask my daughter to consider this anxiety she is dealing with as  "Annoying Annie" because I want her to see the mind as a separate entity...not who she is. I don't want her to view her mind ( and its anxiety)  as an evil enemy so I encouraged her to view it as a peer, albeit not a great one.  I want her to see the distance that is there between her and it so she can observe it and therefore slip into "Witness Consciousness",  rather than be so caught up in  the mind's anxiety that she believes  it is who she is. I want her to realize that Annie's thought's have nothing to do with her. They are Annie's ( the mind's). I want her to be able to replace her chronic  mantras, "I am so anxious!" with "My anxious mind[Annoying Annie]  is bothering me again." I want her to rename her mental and emotional experience as "Annoying Annie"...so she can see it as just annoying rather than debilitating.   If she can view anxiety  as separate, a distance away from her and not who she really is; if she can see it as something on her level that can be observed from a distance;  and if she looks at it as  more annoying than debilitating...I figure she could feel empowered in dealing with anxiety and the mind. 

So How Do We Deal With the Mind? 

I asked her then how she would handle  a friend that did the same thing as her mind is doing.  She probably wouldn't be rude. She probably didn't want to fight her.  She could seek to see the good in her. She probably wouldn't run away and hide from her becasue she knew that would be too  obvious, She could try talking to Annie, to let her know that what she was doing was interrupting her life....though it would be hard to get a word in.   It would likely not change Annie's behaviour either.  She is, after all, what she is. She could listen to the content of Annie's never ending speaking for a while and once she realized the nonsense and self serving content of her friend's speech, she would less likely be inclined to listen or follow any directions or advice offered. She would be less likely to own any of Annie's fears, worries, blame etc either. She would eventually get to the point where she would hear and see her friend speaking but would not feel inclined to listen.  She would not personalize or  own anything Annie had to say. She would stop focusing on Annie altogether. She would put her attention back on Life in this here and in this now. She could then go about seeing and hearing what was unfolding in front of her instead of being consumed by this annoying companion's antics.   Even though Annie may never go away, she would not be bothered by Annoying Annie anymore. She would not be bothered by the mind's anxious tendencies. 

Appliance: Thought Machine

So I use Annoying Annie to describe the mind but  but Michael A. Singer describes the mind as an appliance, a thought machine that is constantly generating automatic thoughts based on our stored impressions or samskaras. The mind and its thoughts, Singer reminds us in the below linked podcast,    have no more to do with us than Mount Everest does. They are "just thoughts" that are pumping out.  We do not have to listen let alone own them.

Garbage In; Garbage Out

What thoughts come out of this appliance, and what words come out of Annie's mouth are determined by those deep impressions or samskaras we have stored inside, our suppressed and repressed memories with their emotional energy entwined around them. We put the data in at some point..."This was painful, do not want any more of this."  "That was nice, want more of that" and these machines spit out the thoughts and internal dialogue when they encounter whatever they encounter "out here". 

The mind isn't doing anything wrong really.  It is doing what we asked it to do.  We put the garbage in and it is just spitting out the results. What we need to do is clean up our insides.  We need to get the garbage out or at least let it come up and out when it is ready.  What the  thought appliance is spitting out  or  what Annoying Annie is  saying really doesn't matter. What we do with the garbage does. 

The source of your misery is how you are processing the imprint of the past now. You maybe carrying around a sackful  of stinking garbage. Either you can smear yourself with it and get terribly miserable, or you can make good manure out of it and create a wonderful garden.

Sadhguru, page 42 

All is well.

Sadhguru ( 2021) Karma: A Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New York: Harmony Books.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( August 28, 2023) Cleaning the House of the Mind.https://tou.org/talks/

Fooled? What is Going On?

 When I think of life, it is all a cheat. Yet fooled by hope, people favor this deceit. 

John Dryden

I find myself in a situation where I am wanting to be fooled by hope but atlas....I now know better.

As much as I would like to believe that the big spike in stats I am seeing here is an increase in authentic readership, my rational mind tells me it isn't. Getting thousands of readers/hits ( whatever they are) a day.  It is only 9 am and already I have 956 hits on the stats page.  Most mornings, at this time, I would be overwhelmed with joy just to get six, let alone 956. Because of this spike, I am getting very close to the 100,000 number too, which I guess has some significance in this internet game...not sure why or what will happen when I hit that number.  Will horns go off and golden streamers fall down on me from the sky? Whatever the meaning of the numbers in the cyber world, it doesn't hold the same significance to me though...especially if it is just bot or other activity causing the spike in numbers, and not actual readers.  I am getting readers, don't get me wrong, I an so grateful to them and see the pages that were viewed but the pages viewed by no means match the number of so called hits ( not sure what they are  called) .  I have had one of those  minus's  as well which is not technically possible on a statistical pie chart. It just doesn't make sense. Anyway...it is what it is.  

Thank you authentic readers ( those of you that are)  though for reading along.  Much , much appreciated. 

All is well

Learning About Karma

 Karma is not a creed, a scripture, an ideology, a philosophy, or a theory,  It is simply the way things are.

Sadhguru, pg 8

I have had this deep unrelenting knowing that I was living out some type of karma but I never truly understood what karma was. I wanted to know more. 

So I finished the book on Karma by Sadhguru and like I said it was very well written and interesting to read.  I still don't know, however, if I truly understand karma .  I am not sure that the inner question that led me to read the book was answered.  What was that question (questions)? 

Are these seemingly unrelenting  challenging circumstances here for a deeper and more important reason? Am I living out a karma for the betterment of Self and others and should I therefore be accepting and appreciative of this suffering because it serves a higher purpose?

If I knew there was some universal benefit to my suffering, that what I was experiencing here in terms of financial, familial and personal "hardship" had a purpose...man I would gladly accept it without complaint.  I would even say, "Bring it on!"  I wouldn't be seeing it in the way ego convinces me to see it: as unfair punishment and something I need to change or escape right now!  True acceptance, allowance, appreciation, and honoring of my circumstances would take place. That, in itself, would bring peace. 

Sure, a big part of me still asks this question:

How can I change it so I, in this form, and those I love  are enjoying the fruit of good karma?

Man, I want a little joy in "my" life.  Is there anything wrong with that? I realize as I ask that question, I am still too concerned with this "me" and this life-time it is in...when "me" is just a small crumb in the vastness of all that is and this life-time is just a blink of an eye in eternity.  

Sigh! Anyway, I am going to explore the book farther,.  Take my highlighted notes, and what I am gleaming from other resources, and share them here in hope that I, if not you, will learn a little something from it.

All is well. 

Sadhguru ( 2021) Karma: A Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New York: Harmony Books

That Which Sticks

 

If you are in a state where you think your karma [present set of life circumstances that may be a consequence of your actions] is a burden that must be eliminated, you are not yet ready for liberation. Only when you learn to transform every memory-conscious/unconscious, pleasant/unpleasant, beautiful/horrendous-into joy and well being are you ready. 

Sadhguru, Karma: A Yogis Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New York: Harmony Books, page 235

Not Yet Ready

Are you ready to accept whatever  unfolds in front of you as a necessary part of your evolution, regardless of what it is, and transform it into joy and well being? I am trying to do this but it isn't easy, let me tell ya. I think I am accepting, even embracing,  then boom...I slip back into resisting. Around and around I go  in this big karmic loop.  

Yet, I am learning, that in order to be free of karma we must let our samskaras go...those impressions that got "stuck" inside us because of our resistance to what is. We are suffering not from the occasional unconscious, unpleasant and even horrendous experiences we encounter but because of these knots of resistance in us.  We don't want our stored stuff to come up.  We don't want our buried samskaras to rise to the surface the way they do when we encounter certain things we decided we liked or didn't like out there. So we resist Life. Sigh.  We work really, really hard to control it all "out there" so we feel better "in here",  when it isn't ours to control. We resist fulfilling our karmic debt and we resist enjoying Life fully as it is. This is our suffering.

Hmm! I am trying to understand karma better.  I am trying to relate it to our "samskaras" and to our dharma, our practice of awakening. I still get all caught up in it. It isn't something we are meant to understand conceptually but experientially.  Lord Krishna Himself said the way of karma is unfathomable. Bit by bit the learning from experience is coming.

What is Karma? 

Karma is action.  Action consists of thoughts, feelings, words and deed.  Every action has an effect.  Both the effect and the action can be current, occurring in this life-time ( Kriyaman (and Agomi) Karma). It can be something already begun, possibly from another life-time or from the body itself which is a composite of memory ( Prarabdha Karma). It can also be represented in something called Sanchita Karma which is an accumulation of all karmic actions and whose effects will likely be felt in another life time. 

Karmic needs and debts manifest not only as an individual's set of life circumstances, but in the way in which  they deal with them. Hindu America Foundation, 2014

Sticky

Karma is basically the sticky residue of our actions. That which sticks.  What sticks? That which we attach our volition to, our intellectual energy to; that which we judge and discriminate to label as anything but neutral; that which we desire; that which we don't want; that which we stuff and store away from psyche's awareness; and that which we resist.  Is this not our samskaras? 

I look around my present set of circumstances and ask, "What have I done to deserve this? Man, I must have been really unconscious, really unwholesome, really reactive in this or another life time. " I rack my brains to remember what I was like as a child.  I think I started out happy, friendly and very much in love with Life.  I was always compassionate and naturally wanted to be helpful to all living things.  Somewhere along the line, however, I got broken and gradually became so absorbed with my own pain I began to react to Life in a fearful, defensive and unwholesome way. I began to resist what is. 

I was born with a certain amount of karma memory ...genetically and physically...as well as mentally determined.  Then I added onto the karma with my response to Life, accumulating a lot more.  Is that why this is all "seemingly" happening now? 

Not so Woo-woo

I can think of this Karma  as an inner trajectory , rather than a universal one, as a psychological and practical thing rather than a mystical one. I can think of is as a "self-fulfilling prophecy". When we are hurt by others, we develop core beliefs about our lack of worthiness. We assume the worse of ourselves and others.  When we hurt inside we become self protective.  When we become self protective, we pull back from certain things and make very protective choices. We become fearful of anything outside our comfort zone. The need for comfort increases as the fear of anything outside this zone arises. Our life choices reflect that.  We seek to manipulate "out there" so as to be as comfortable as possible "in here." Our life circumstances then reflect our choices.  

We also learned to think, feel, speak and do from our caregivers who were taught by theirs, and we unknowingly teach our off spring to do the same.  Our children learn from us.  They also inherited our memory DNA. They too become "self-" protective . It becomes a vicious cycle.  I am living the results of all three types of karma now. 

Escape or Serve the Time? 

The thing is, I still sometimes see karma as something I need to escape, run from.  One of the greatest reasons why I devote myself to a sadhana is to be free of suffering. Sometimes that freedom looks like a change of external events...less challenge, less of the "yucky" thrown in my face all the time.  I want to escape my karma.  Other times that looks like me finding peace no matter what is happening around me, of transcending...of being freed from my karma, not the circumstances, once and for all. That will mean, I suppose, living out my karma, serving my time.

If you are escape from prison you will be on the run for the rest of your life.  But if you are freed from prison because your term is up, you are a free man. 

Sadhguru, page 235

I know that karma is not a crime and punishment type of thing but as long as we resist it and life circumstance we are  in a type of prison. Are we not?  How do we free ourselves  from that prison? We can escape and  run away through resistance and outer world focus and manipulation, but we will never truly get away. Karma will follow us becasue it is stuck to us. Or we can do as Nelson Mandela and Gandhi did, patiently wait to be freed. 

I see that it isn't what is happening that I must change to transcend my karma, it is my relationship with it that needs to be changed. 

Not trying to change the disturbance, you are trying to change your relationship with the  disturbance. Singer

Whether we understand what it was that got us imprisoned in the first place or not (I may never know what I did to accumulate such karma) we can simply accept where we are at and serve out the time for our sake, and the sake of all those who come after us.   If we think of  our karma serving a purpose  for the greater good, we may even find joy and well being in it. Hmm!

In the meantime, we can avoid adding to that karma, adding to our samskara load. We can become intimately familiar with the working of our minds and notice how they are reacting to life circumstance.  Before we get lost in the thinking and feeling, before we speak and before we act...we can take a deep breath and relax.  We can then ask, "Do I really want to add more time to my sentence?  Do I really want to add more suffering to this experience I am in, for myself or others? " 

Instead of saying, "I can't handle this" and reacting according to that thought...we can instead say, "I can handle this.  It will pass and it will take a little of the karma away, a little more samskara away every time  I allow it to be what it is as it passes through". 

Let's just stay open and allow it all to pass through. Someday we will be free. 

Hmmm! All is well in my world!

Gurudev Sri Ravi Shankar (Dec 2, 2022) What is karma? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yePTvXf2oIQ&t=2s

Hindu American Foundation (2014) What is Karma? https://www.hinduamerican.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/KarmaMokshaandSamsara2.0_0.pdf

Sadhguru (2021) Karma: A Yogis Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New York: Harmony Books,

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( August 27, 2023) The Art of Letting Go. https://tou.org/talks/

Running from Reality?

You can't conquer reality by running away from it.

Og Mandino

Should I run and hide from challenging Life circumstances? 

Did you ever get to the point where you felt like you were smothering under the weight of your external circumstances...and choking on a very visceral internal reaction to them? Did you ever get to the point where you felt that if you staid  where you were you would be crushed?  Have you ever seriously considered just running away from it all, using your spiritual inclination as an excuse to join an ashram or a monastery, just so you could focus on peaceful things all day instead of this?

I have had a literal knot in my gut for three months. It feels like I swallowed a pumpkin sized rock or something and it is just sitting there.  When the noisey warnings around me get really loud or when I find myself tripping over the external circumstances that are popping up  from this dusty old rug that is constantly unfolding in front of me, this knot starts to roll around inside me. It is painful! I also have this deep sense of heaviness all around me. It takes my oompf away and my natural tendency is to react or "do" something about it, to fix it. 

I mean, I have practiced enough to know I must counter these tendencies.  I start by reminding myself...that dealing with this that is unfolding in front of me and my reaction to it is my practice. I do my best to center myself so I can be open to all of it...so I can allow all of it in.(But I still  choke on the dust!)  I do my best to meditate and do kriya.  I do my best to relax into the face of this noise, this chaos  and this unravelling of more and more challenging events, but the weight of this knot in me and this heavy cloud over "me"  seems to be pulling me down! 

Run, crazy lady! Run!

I hear this internal warning system going off, "Run!" I really, really, really want to run but I don't run. I still myself when the bells go off. I observe what is happening around and in this form.  I do my best to accept what is showing up in front of "me"and in me, to understand it, to embrace and honor each challenge and each reaction to the challenge.  It isn't easy and I screw up royally from time to time, but I do my best. I am also  studying everything I can about karma...because I know in my gut that this is "my" karma...something I have created  along the way and something I can possibly undo.  I want to understand it better. Yet, everything is so dark and exhausting, confusing...I feel so overwhelmed at times...and the physicality of this just weighs me down more. It is like WTFork? The temptation to heed the "Run!" warning comes again and again but here I am. 

Hmm! Have you ever felt like that? 

The thing that makes this so confusing, I guess, is that I see how this form and mind I identify as  is taking quite the bopping from Life in terms of circumstances ( not that Life has a personal vendetta against me or anything...just happening either because of a million lead up events that have nothing to do with me  or because of some karmic influence arising from this "me").  Most psychologists would tell me that Life is hard and the "me" is at risk. They would instruct that it is of upmost  importance to look after this "me", stand up for it, protect it,  make sure it gets its needs met during these challenging times so it remains strong and healthy. And that makes sense, right, to this notion of self-love we grow up with? 

Should I protect this "me"? 

Yet, the more I practice what I am practicing, and the more I see beyond psychological conditioning the more I see and understand that I should not be protecting this "me." In fact, I should be letting Life take it out like it seems to want to do. I could  even speed things up by kicking it out.  The "me" is the problem, not a victim to what Life or karma is doing here.   The problem is that I still identify as this seperate , little  "me", (with all its mixed up preferences and needs),  that is dealing with these Life circumstances. In doing so I suffer and miss out on experiencing the joy that exists beyond this notion of "me, my and mine". So why should I do what I can to protect "me"? I don't want a healthy sense of  me...I want a dead sense of  me. Must die to be reborn. 

I  ask myself these questions in the face of all this : 

Who is this "me" that is having such a hard time?  Who is this "me" you are told  you need to protect from life? Who is this "me" that created this karma you are experiencing?  Is this "me" who you really are? Is it worth protecting, defending, feeding or saving? This me is just something you created in your mind, right? Your psyche, your self-concept...is just that a concept, an idea, right?  It isn't real!

Who is  really hurting here?  Just "me", right? Is there a part of you  watching what is happening outside you and inside you? Who is this that is watching? Does it hurt? No, right?  It is just objectively observes what is happening and how "me" is reacting to it. What does it feel like to observe the drama of me from this objective, clear minded space? As long as you are observing the drama of me, even from a slight distance, you are not tangled up in me's tale of woe, are you? There is no need to react to or resist any of it. You can be at peace regardless of what is happening around your form, can't you?

What does that realization mean?  It means you are not that drama and neither are you that "me"? Could it be that "me" and the life experiences unfolding in front of it, and the reactions to them that follows, are not who you are? If you can watch them, you are the observer, the witness, the awareness of them but not them, right? Why don't you focus more on the observer that is watching this drama of me, rather than the drama and the "me"? 

So who would be doing the running away, if you were to run? This made up sense of "me" would be running and who you really are as the watcher, would just be watching it run. It is  "me" that is encouraging the run...isn't it? What is left of this me, that which you are still clinging to, is pretty desperate in your waking up. It wants to survive...doesn't want you Self-realized...doesn't want you to take your internal eyes off it, does it? It knows that if your consciousness is not focused on it, it does not exist. So, is it not funny, that the closer you get to leaving this "me" behind, the karmic drama increases to get your attention focused back on it? 

Hmmm! Yeah I question all this, I see all this.  I understand all this. 

There is still some clinging to this idea of "me" though that keeps pulling me down.  I need to let it go.  Right now, I think Life is doing me a favour, answering my prayers...I ask for freedom from suffering.  Freedom from suffering is not about freeing one's self from challenging experiences, it is all about freeing one's self from attachment to  "me". If we are suffering, we are still clinging to me. Life can help us remove it, if instead of resisting realty when it unfolds in front of us, we open up and allow it all in.  Life will then  blow what is left of "me" right out the window. We just need to let her do that. Sigh.

All is well in my world.  

Getting Rid of "Me"

 "I don't like what is happening...but if I don't get rid of the part that doesn't like it...I am not going to grow."

Michael A. Singer

The more I read, the more I listen, the more I study and the more I learn from going inward to examine my own inner world...I see more and more clearly how the answer to everything is in letting go of "me." This "little me", this personal mind, this "somebody" we create in our heads is in the way of our freedom, our shakti flow, our sat chit ananda, this river of joy that Yogananda tells us is within us.  It and its attachment to desire and aversion is the cause of our suffering, according to the Buddha. We really need to let it go!

We, who we really are beneath this idea we have of "me" are pure consciousness.  We are Sat Chit Ananda ( eternal, conscious, bliss) . We are that which watches and observes ( without attachment to any of it) the mixed up minds and our frantic doing.  We are that which watches the feelings and thinking that is responsible for disturbing us and leading us to blame the world for our so called problems. We are the light that shines on all this stuff we are all tangled up in.  We are not the entity that gets bothered by life and then suffers...we are the watcher of this entity. We are not that which we are watching...we are the watching. 

Yet, we are so caught up in  that which is being watched...the outside world with all its changing events and phenomena and the person that is disturbed by it, (only because it affects our thoughts and feelings), that we cannot see who we really are.

Our curriculum here in this school where souls are sent to evolve is all about evolving and finding our way back to who we really are, our way back to God.  Hmm! What is in the way? "Me". "Me" is in the way. Our consciousness is so busy shining on it, we cannot see that we are the light that is shining and not what is being shined upon. 

When are we going to get that,  really get that? 

All is well in my world.

Ram Dass/ Be Here Now ( n.d.) Episode 26-Suffering Part Two. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MKuE0IpJv0&t=8s

Michael A Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( August 24, 2023) Exploring Spiritual Evolution https://tou.org/talks/

Through the Awful Grace of God

In our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful Grace of God.

Aeschylus 

Those are beautiful haunting words, aren't they? What does Aeschylus mean by them, I wonder.  Of course, my interpretation will differ from yours.  This is what comes to my mind and my heart when I hear them or read them. In our sleep: What sleep is he talking about I wonder.   I am assuming he is speaking about the sleep most of us are caught under, a lack of awareness, a lack of mindful attention, a lack of consciousness. Then he is speaking about "pain that cannot forget". Is that referring to those difficult circumstances that bring pain, which  instead of facing and allowing to pour through we suppress and repress into knotted samskaras? (Of course, such suppressed and repressed pain often emerges in our dream states for us to deal with, doesn't it?)  It falls drop by drop upon the heart...It doesn't seem like much at first but after so many drops we feel the  pain as excruciating discomfort , as "suffering" and the heart closes to protect itself?  He seems to be making the distinction between pain and suffering. When that pain becomes suffering wisdom ...truth ( thinking of the noble truths as I read this) comes. This wisdom, this transcendence of our ignorant suffering for greater understanding and awakening comes "against our will".  Little "me" might resist because of its  fear of  suffering and its fear of its own demise. Once we get past that, however, once we get past the "little me" and accept Life for what it is, wisdom will come.  This will all happen through the "awful" grace of God. Thy will, not my will. Why "awful" ? ...Well to the "little me" it will seem awful to be pushed aside. Grace pushes ego aside for God when we awaken.   I also  look at the word as "awe- full", filled with awe...This whole process of transcending, of using suffering to get closer to God is one we cannot help but be in awe of, if we truly understand it.  Suffering seems "awful" but it is also Grace and therefore filled with awe.

I don't know that is what comes to "me" as I read those words based on all my samskaras and previous learning and conditioning. I interpret those words, as I interpret the world at this lag of my journey. What do you hear?

Anyway...these words too are poignant: 

You need a happy mind, a conscientious  mind,  and an open heart; especially you must learn to cultivate the precepts of transforming bad circumstances, the experiences of your suffering, into the very path of awakening.

From a dying lamas letter as  recited by Ram Dass

Do you have a relaxed appreciation of change or are you busy resisting change with everything you have?  Do you have a happy, conscientious mind? Do you have an open heart? How are you handling those "bad circumstances" that are plopping down in front of you? Are you seeing the grace in them and attempting to use those challenging events, to transform them into stepping stones on this path to awakening? Or are you screaming "Oh No! Not that! I don't want that! I want this!" as you run around fighting, struggling against and denying what is? 

Well, according to the Buddha, many wise masters and to Ram Dass in the below linked podcast. if you are doing anything akin to the latter, you are suffering. If you are accepting, allowing, and using these experiences  to grow, you are well on your way to awakening...to transcending suffering. 

As I experience what I experience here in my now, I feel comforted in knowing I have a choice as to how I use this pain...I can use it to "drop by drop" create more suffering or I can use it to get closer to God. I will choose the latter.  It is also comforting to know that my loved ones may be closer to awakening than most people I know because of their suffering.  We just need to stop the mind from clinging to "me".  We need to let go of all we thought we were, for who we really are.  Though we do not ask for more ( oh man, I don't want  more lol) we accept the challenges that unfold in front of us, see the Grace in them and let go of all that doesn't matter, so we can realize and embrace what does!  Suffering can help us do that. Hmm!

All is well. 

Ram Dass/ Here and Now Network ( n.d.) Episode 25- Part One Suffering https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-vI9zjFe3I

Cleansing the Channel

Yoga is the process of cleansing the channel so life is allowed to unfold as it is and you are at peace with it, you are in harmony with it...[until every single moment that unfolds in front of you is better because it did]. 

Michael A. Singer

 I realize, as I wake up without the urge to bop around saying, "Oh isn't this wonderful?  Isn't this great?"...that Life is not going quite the way I want it to. Though I am reacting to external challenge much less than  I used to say seven years ago and the pendulum is just moving a little bit towards the "not fun" side of my mind as I watch these circumstance unfold in front of me, I am still reacting in a less than neutral way to what Life is offering. Why? Because I am still not okay inside! 

I know so well now that Life isn't personal and that accepting it as it is the only way to approach it. Still, parts of the discriminating, externally focused "me" remains. I know samskaras are leaving the filing cabinets where I had once fought to store them and are making their way up and out, as well. That is a bit uncomfortable and disturbing too...especially so  as I deal with these "big" external triggers. I see how much of a mess I still am inside. It seems that right now there are  things I feel I can't handle, meaning that I have some work to do.

Work?

Yes, work.  I mean, I do not have to work anymore to make things different out there...to make people, places and things be the way "me" wants them to be but I do need to work to keep my heart open, my self centered and the shakti flowing.  I am willing though...I see this as my life mission now.

If I have this stuff inside of me and if it is bothering me, it is going! And no more is coming in. 

It is funny that I randomly answered the question and did this related  video yesterday, only to open up to this today.

Anyway, all is well.  

Michael A Singer/ Temple of the Universal ( August 21, 2023) Letting Go- The Journey from Bondage and Liberation. https://tou.org/talks/

Fruits of Actions

 But those who choose to serve will be undeterred because they are not obsessed with the fruit of their action.

Sadhguru

Shout Out to Singapore!!

As you know I don't promote this blog.  The doing of it has much more intrinsic value than it does extrinsic.  I just feel compelled to come here almost everyday and share what I am learning, as crazy as that may sound. So I am perfectly okay with a readership on my stats of under ten.  I am okay not knowing how many "followers" I have...(this site doesn't tell me..it constantly reads 'no followers' when I know I have some.) I don't really have a goal...like "I want so many likes or so many subscribers or 100,000 page views ( which btw I am close to getting...since inception that is).  I am obviously not looking to, at this point, make money off it.  I am not looking to get famous lol. I am here, I guess, as corny as it may sound, to serve.  Serve who? Serve Self...which may equate to serving others who are travelling along this path and who might learn from another traveller. 

I do, however, check the stats page daily. Sure ego is still lingering around wondering , "Do they like me?" and that may, despite my practice to go beyond "me" , still have something to do with why I check.  But 'I am' also curious.  I do want to know if I am serving in a useful way...if anyone is getting anything from this of value...or if the few talents I may have are being used in the most helpful way. Of course, ego sometimes pops in to ask , "or am I wasting my time?" Of course,  I know that I am not wasting my time.  I will do this regardless of outcome.  The inner  pull is that strong.

Anyway, every now and again I get hit with big numbers on my stats page.  Anything over 100 per day, I consider a big number lol.  Sometimes there is one country or area that is bringing in those large numbers. Over the last week or so that area was Singapore. 

Sometimes, I will get big numbers from areas but obviously see that nothing was read..no recently read posts come up.  (I like to review posts that were read so I can  edit if necessary and it also helps me to review what I have learned.) So I wonder why and what was that all about...bots, highjackers or whatever? 

Well, I see as the numbers come up, connected to Singapore, that recent, and more often, not- recent posts come up.  It looks like someone is actually reading this stuff for whatever reason and many of  those or that reader is from Singapore, 

I want to send out a note of gratitude and connection to whomever is under that "Singapore" label. I also want to send out a note of gratitude for the other loyal readers who have been following me for as long as they have. ...who I may not acknowledge enough.  Thank you. Thank you for being interested in this very important stuff....not for puny little "me"s sake ...but you know....for the world's. ( Corny, I know.)

Anyway, thanks.  

Letting It Flow Anyway It Likes

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them-that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in anyway they like.

Lao Tzu

Stop using your powerful, life enhancing shakti flow, your consciousness against yourself?

Huh?

Well that is the piece of unsolicited advice I would give to others who are experiencing so called "stress."  Stress , according to Michael Singer, is simply the result of resisting what is. When we resist what is...we seek, struggle, fight to make the world and others in it different....most often than not...unsuccessfully. It doesn't work. We get stressed.  Without resistance there is no stress. 

I had the experience of intense stress this week. I was looking around at the moments in front of me and found myself saying, "No! It shouldn't be this way."  Why should it not have been that way? Because it didn't suit this "me" I created in my head, this psyche which is the sum of all learned experiences this "me" had. It didn't meet "my needs".  So there I was questioning a very disturbed mind as well as the disturbed minds of others..."How do we make this more suited to what "me" needs and wants?" As long as you have needs you are not okay inside. 

Wow! I am really not okay inside. The whole thing is crazy when I think about it...not so much the circumstances as my reaction to then.  People are the way they are, doing what they do for a million different reasons that have nothing to do with me.  The world is unfolding in front of " me" the way it is for a million different reasons that have nothing to do with "me". And here I am resisting it and then trying to change everything so it makes me feel  more comfortable inside and less stressed when I cannot change anything.  Crazy.

The opposite of resistance is acceptance, the opposite of stress is peace and relaxation, the opposite of blocking and closing is opening, the opposite of pushing down and away is allowing in and letting go.  My practice, which I neglected this week because of "stress", is helping me accept, to open, to find peace through relaxation and it is helping me to allow Life to be whatever it is so it all just flows through me. 

I am not this me and the circumstances me is experiencing.  I am the witness watching all this go down.  I just got so caught up in watching the drama, I once again forgot who I was. 

I need to get back to my practice.  I need to get back to the Seat of Self. I need to let things flow forward in anyway they like...not in the way "me" likes.

Thy will...not my will...be done.

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( August 20,2023) Releasing the Roots of Inner Stress. https://tou.org/talks/

Changing the World?

 

Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise so I am changing myself. 

Rumi 

I keep saying that the only way to help others is to help self first.  We need to put on our own oxygen masks before we can do any good for the people around us.  I know that and I practice that but I recently forgot.  I got so caught up in the pain filled and dysfunctional drama that is occurring around me that I failed to give myself oxygen and I was suffocating, let me tell ya.  One week without practice....one week of slipping away from my priority...(I was committed to making my sadhanna my priority)...one week of forgetting about what is really important and allowing myself to get pulled down to the negative energy focus of the ego...one week of running around trying to meet the ego needs of others at the expense of my own...and boom...I found myself  bent over and  gasping for breath. I fell into the desire trap of wanting to change  the world when what I really need to do, all I can do really...is change myself. My practice is ll about changing myself, not others... sigh.  How quickly we forget.  Back to the drawing board. Back to working on Self. Back to God.

And where is God?

He dwells right behind your every thought. Yogananda

I need to remind myself of that, the next time I move my attention  away from the Seat of the Self. This week I was so focused on the drama around me  and that "terrible" feeling of being pulled down into someone else's darkness as I kicked and screamed, grabbing for anything I could ( except that which works...my practice). I focused on my resistance to what was as well...and it was yucky...I started saying things like "I need you to do this...I need you to stop doing that...I need things to be different than what they are." My attention and focused slipped out of my yogi center ( the Seat of Self)  and went to the mind to say, "Hey Mind...what do I do here to fix this needy thing?" Mind, of course, didn't know...it is the mixed up cause of all this disturbance yet there I was asking it to make sense of it.  It couldn't.  I really have to fire Mind's ass! 

Anyway, I am ready to go back to what is important.  I really cannot fix or save others as much as I may want to.  That is theirs's.  All I can do is stay calm and relaxed in Witness consciousness so I am there in a way that is truly helpful. 

All is well.  

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( August 18, 2023) Finding Your Way Back to the Beauty Within. https://tou.org/talks/

Dancing With the Sun

 When you understand that thought is the thought of the thoughtless than your singing and dancing is no more than the voice of the dharma, everyday law.  

Ram Dass

In the below podcast recorded sometime during the 70's , Ram Dass tells us it is all a big beautiful dance and that all we can really do for others, while we dance,  is to be who we are at the deepest level.  Our sadhana, our practice of getting there, to the beingness that cannot be anywhere but here or now is all that is important in regards to what we do...the rest is just stuff. We are here to serve...yes.  How do we serve people in their never ending dramas often expressed in "self-pity"? By just being...staying focused on the sun beyond the drama in ourselves and in the other. We recognize the self pity in self or in the other, observe it, examine it and then maybe even be in awe of it as just another part of that "stuff" that makes up the dance of Life. We need to work on ourselves and that is the greatest gift we can give another.  Even a mother...must prioritize working on herself.  She can do nothing of significance for her children until she is free of ego and approaching them as "being".  (That is quite an impactful thing for me to hear right now). 

He offers a Sanskrit mantra that is said to be helpful in keeping us centered  as we dance.

aditiya hridyam punyam sarv shatrus bena shenaam

This translates to: all evil ( that which blocks us from shakti/awakening) vanishes from life for he who keeps the sun in his heart.

That is pretty cool.  I want to keep the sun in my heart and my heart on the "beingness" of who I and others are.

All is well.

Ram Dass/ Be Here Now Network (Sept, 2016)  Episode 23- Shiva's Dance of Life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yr3zjLhSvT8&t=2636s

Taking the Wheel Back from Mind

 Either you are using your mind, or your mind is using you.

Michael A. Singer

Are you using your mind or are you being used by your mind?  Most of us are being used by our minds and have come to believe, because it is normal, it must be okay.

What are you talking about, crazy lady?

Well, most of us listen to our minds, believe what it has to say, and then proceed to follow its directions.  We do what the mind tells us to do.

Why is that not wise?

The mind is crazy, that's why.  If you take the time to step back and watch it you will see how crazy it is.  It goes on and on nonstop. Never, I mean never, does it  stop talking.  It is telling you what is good or bad, right or wrong, what should be or shouldn't be when it knows nothing.  It bases all of these judgements not on the reality of what is but on what memories it has stored in the past. It thinks it can actually control life and get it to do what it wants.  It does its best to convince you of the same with its never ending, "You gotta do this, change that, go there, avoid this, fix that etc." Not only that but it has a tendency to be very dark. 60,000 thousand thoughts a day, scientists tell us, and 80 percent of those thoughts are negative. No wonder so many of us are miserable!

The mind is a great tool...it can do great things: thinking, planning, solving problems etc but it is just a tool we are supposed to be using. It isn't supposed to be using us.  The mind isn't supposed to be telling us what to do, we are supposed to be telling it.  Imagine your body as the vehicle you have been given to drive in this existence, and the mind as a very depressed copilot that got drunk, then stung by a scorpion.  Are you going to say, "Okay...you drive. You can handle this life better than I can?" 

Well that is basically what most of us do...and how well do you think this mind drives in that condition?  Not very well.  It is all over the road, swerving here and there,  bumping into guardrails and other vehicles in its attempt drive away from this or that, hitting the ditch again and again.  How many times has it rolled? Man, it isn't fun when mind drives, is it? Most of us are  broken up, bumped and bruised as we sit in the passenger side,  our foot glued to  an imaginary brake and our white knuckles clinging to whatever we can hold.  Yet, we let it drive. And the sad thing is...Mind cannot take us to where we really want to go. It just gets us lost. Sigh!

Mind isn't supposed to be driving these cars.  We are!! We need to take the wheel back.  Though we cannot stop the copilot from talking nonstop about its negative view of life, we do not have to listen or follow its directions.  We do not have to follow its advice.  We can keep our eyes on the road in front of us, appreciating the scenery, as we relax and let go a bit into auto drive. There is a force pulling this car along. Trust it and trust yourself behind the wheel of your life. Don't let mind drive! 

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/ The Temple of the Universe ( August 14, 2023) Moving Beyond the Edges of Mind. https://tou.org/talks/

Learning from Hanuman

When the cloud is there I serve Ram, when the cloud is lifted I am Ram.

Hanuman from the Ramayana, as quoted by Ram Dass

Another translation:

 When I do not know who I am , I serve you. The day I realize who I am, You and I will be the same.

In Hindu (and Jain) tradition the story of Ram's most faithful servant: the Monkey God Hanuman is told in the the Ramayana. Hanuman risks his life facing demons  to find the captured wife of Ram...Sita. He does this,  and according to Ram Dass in the podcast linked below, is told by Ram he can have whatever he wants as reward. Hanuman answers "Save me, save me from the tenacles of egotism!"

What are you going on about, crazy lady?  What have monkey gods  got to do about anything that relates to me?

As I have written many times before in many different ways, if we truly want peace and happiness, fulfillment and the experience of true love in this life time, we need to serve something much deeper than ego. Hanuman represents this type of selfless service. As the true warrior of karma yoga, he serves Ram ( God) and in doing  so he serves himself.  What he is seeking more than anything else is enlightenment...to be free of the tenacles of egotism....to have the cloud removed and the duality of "You and I", "God and I" removed.  He realizes that once he is free of ego he will not only serve God, he will be merged in God. Ego is the thing that holds us back from realizing who we are. 

In Karma yoga, we serve all beings. By serving all beings we serve God, and by serving God we serve Self. Whatever we do for others, we do for God. (Whatever your concept of God entails is irrelevant, we are pointing to that which is beyond the concept. ) 

And the King will reply, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25: 40 NIV

Everyone we approach in life, should be viewed as a piece of God. We should seek the light in them beneath their bodies and their melodramas. As we look out at the world's population of beings we can train ourselves to see:

...life in a series of cloudy veils.  Ram Dass

Every individual has the light of God in them that might be  hidden beneath the cloudy veil of ego and who they think they are.  Serve that light until your veil is lifted and you can see yourself for who you really are...when we do that we will see others for who they really are beyond the veil...extensions of pure light. 

All I have to offer another human being is my own purity...my own being, and I realize the less ego there is the more I have to offer. Ram Dass

 All is well in my world. 

Ram Dass/ Be Here Now Network ( Sept, 2016) Episode 22- How May I Serve You. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yr3zjLhSvT8&t=2635s

Serving the Crazy Ego? oops...lol

 There is no way anyone was ever okay by serving the ego.

Michael Singer

Why?

The ego's goal is quite explicably ego autonomy . From the beginning then its purpose is to be seperate, sufficient unto itself and independent of any power except its own. 

ACIM text: Chapter11: V:4:5 

So there is a bit of a competition going on inside you between the False  You and the Real you.

Say what, crazy lady?

Well, maybe not competition but there are two "selfs" in you .  One that is real and one that isn't.

Huh? 

Of course, all that you can be in reality, is the real you. Many great masters teach, however, that we have created this false sense of self that sits in the way of us realizing who we really are. We call this little fella "me" but it is more easy to understand as "ego".  This ego self isn't real anywhere but in the mind.

The wiser part of us, which is real,  is sitting back watching us create and do what we can to protect and maintain this ego, watching us get so identified in it we come to believe that is who we are, all we are. It watches as ego tells us to get this and get that, push this or that away...to do whatever is necessary  to strengthen it and protect the false self.   The Wiser Self knows what the ego is doing, knows  that it is looking for validation of itself from the external world; that it is trying to prove to us its reality, through other egos,  and that is why we are so concerned about what other's think. The ego is trying to deceive us into believing it is all we are. It is trying to get us to believe in the unreal. 

That is why the ego is insane: it teaches that you are not what you are. Chapter 7: III: 2-6

Wise Self is  watching us believing everything ego has to say; watching us perceiving the life and the world through its eyes; watching us following its misguided directions, and watching us suffer greatly because of it.   As we painfully scurry about in service to this mind created entity, the Wise Self/the true Self/ the Spirit/the Higher Consciousness (whatever you want to call it) sits back with its hand on its chin murmuring, "Hmm! Interesting!" 

This Wiser Self tries to get our attention every now and again though it has no intention of interfering with our "free will", just to say, "Can you see what you are doing?  Isn't it interesting?  You could experience so much bliss and love, as you are here to do, but yet you are choosing this. You are choosing to be bound and chained by something that isn't even real. So, so interesting!" The Wise Self is not judging what we are doing, it is just observing and commenting objectively on it.

All the while ego has been very busy in us, creating this thick and what it believes to be  impenetrable shield between it and Wiser Self.  It doesn't want us to be able to see the Self beneath or to hear it. It wants to be able to control us completely. Its mortal enemy is truth so it doesn't want us to have any contact with it. Wiser Self, of course, the opposite of ego, is truth.  Ego is quite a calculating, deceptive  little entity but the Wiser Self is "wise" , right?  It can see through this veil.  It can see what ego is doing and what we are doing in service of it. We cannot, however, unless we are truly willing to, see through it. The wall has to come down, the veil has to be destroyed, ego has to go if we are to see and  fall back into the Self beneath the self, into who we really are. And because this wall was created by mind...and truly only exists in mind...it has to be dismantled by mind. 

We need to examine our minds to see the ego at work.  We  also need to be willing to see the witness and then to see we have a choice about which of these entities we are going to invest our conscious awareness in.  We can continue to pretend and be delusional that we are these egoic little me's or we can be willing to work our way through the veil to see that we are that which lies beyond it. We can be nothing but what we are, reality, We must remove the veil, the mental clouds in order to see truth.  We really cannot even begin to see truth, until we see the untruth...the lies ego is responsible for.

Reality can dawn only on an unclouded mind. It is always there to be accepted, but its acceptance depends on your willingness to have it. To know reality must involve the willingness to judge unreality for what it is. ACIM Text Chapter 10: IV:2:1-3

All is well.

A Course in Miracles: Combined Volume / Foundation For Inner Peace (2007) Text

Michael A. Singer/Temple of the Universe  ( August 13, 2023) Setting Your Pole Star Higher than the Ego. https://tou.org/talks/