In our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful Grace of God.
Aeschylus
Those are beautiful haunting words, aren't they? What does Aeschylus mean by them, I wonder. Of course, my interpretation will differ from yours. This is what comes to my mind and my heart when I hear them or read them. In our sleep: What sleep is he talking about I wonder. I am assuming he is speaking about the sleep most of us are caught under, a lack of awareness, a lack of mindful attention, a lack of consciousness. Then he is speaking about "pain that cannot forget". Is that referring to those difficult circumstances that bring pain, which instead of facing and allowing to pour through we suppress and repress into knotted samskaras? (Of course, such suppressed and repressed pain often emerges in our dream states for us to deal with, doesn't it?) It falls drop by drop upon the heart...It doesn't seem like much at first but after so many drops we feel the pain as excruciating discomfort , as "suffering" and the heart closes to protect itself? He seems to be making the distinction between pain and suffering. When that pain becomes suffering wisdom ...truth ( thinking of the noble truths as I read this) comes. This wisdom, this transcendence of our ignorant suffering for greater understanding and awakening comes "against our will". Little "me" might resist because of its fear of suffering and its fear of its own demise. Once we get past that, however, once we get past the "little me" and accept Life for what it is, wisdom will come. This will all happen through the "awful" grace of God. Thy will, not my will. Why "awful" ? ...Well to the "little me" it will seem awful to be pushed aside. Grace pushes ego aside for God when we awaken. I also look at the word as "awe- full", filled with awe...This whole process of transcending, of using suffering to get closer to God is one we cannot help but be in awe of, if we truly understand it. Suffering seems "awful" but it is also Grace and therefore filled with awe.
I don't know that is what comes to "me" as I read those words based on all my samskaras and previous learning and conditioning. I interpret those words, as I interpret the world at this lag of my journey. What do you hear?
Anyway...these words too are poignant:
You need a happy mind, a conscientious mind, and an open heart; especially you must learn to cultivate the precepts of transforming bad circumstances, the experiences of your suffering, into the very path of awakening.
From a dying lamas letter as recited by Ram Dass
Do you have a relaxed appreciation of change or are you busy resisting change with everything you have? Do you have a happy, conscientious mind? Do you have an open heart? How are you handling those "bad circumstances" that are plopping down in front of you? Are you seeing the grace in them and attempting to use those challenging events, to transform them into stepping stones on this path to awakening? Or are you screaming "Oh No! Not that! I don't want that! I want this!" as you run around fighting, struggling against and denying what is?
Well, according to the Buddha, many wise masters and to Ram Dass in the below linked podcast. if you are doing anything akin to the latter, you are suffering. If you are accepting, allowing, and using these experiences to grow, you are well on your way to awakening...to transcending suffering.
As I experience what I experience here in my now, I feel comforted in knowing I have a choice as to how I use this pain...I can use it to "drop by drop" create more suffering or I can use it to get closer to God. I will choose the latter. It is also comforting to know that my loved ones may be closer to awakening than most people I know because of their suffering. We just need to stop the mind from clinging to "me". We need to let go of all we thought we were, for who we really are. Though we do not ask for more ( oh man, I don't want more lol) we accept the challenges that unfold in front of us, see the Grace in them and let go of all that doesn't matter, so we can realize and embrace what does! Suffering can help us do that. Hmm!
All is well.
Ram Dass/ Here and Now Network ( n.d.) Episode 25- Part One Suffering https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-vI9zjFe3I
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