From Doubt to Knowing

Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.
Kahlil Gibran

We all experience the excruciating pain of doubt from time to time. 

In this process of  wanting and receiving...we often feel doubt when the thing we asked for; prayed for; pleaded for; worked so hard for  and desperately reached out for does not materialize when and how we think it should.

We doubt God at those times; we doubt the world and everything and everyone in it.  Most importantly and sadly, we doubt ourselves.

We become stuck on our journeys upward on the emotional ladder. Doubt breeds hopelessness and despair when we allow it to permeate our consciousness. We, as a result,  do not see clearly when we doubt.  We do not see the arms reaching out to us in love and support, or at least we do not trust those arms.  We do not see the beauty and blessing that sprouts around us. We don't see how good, worthy  and powerful we are.

In doubt we  appear to be stuck in a dark and lonely place and accept this place as our home. Yet, it is a self imposed prison that keeps us captive and our captor is the person who stares back at us in the mirror.

Truth is, we never have to stay in doubt.  We can set ourselves free at any time?  How?

There is a simple evolution that many of the masters and writers, I learn from, speak of that takes us from doubt to the beautiful freedom and grace of knowing.  The journey from doubt to knowing can be accomplished in less than three  minutes. I paraphrase this process in five mind healing steps:

1. Be aware when you are doubting. Recognize when you are in the dark place.  You will know it by an experience of sadness, frustration, resentment or a sense of "giving up" on your dreams or your ability to accomplish something. You will notice it in how you speak to self or others. There are an awful lot of "I can't"; "never", "always" "impossible" "too hard" and "not enough" in doubt.  When you are blaming others or life events  for "locking " you up in a situation that is "impossible" to get out of....you are doubting.  When you are telling yourself that life is too confusing to get through, that you do not have the skills or capability to succeed at something...you are doubting.  When you resist the arms that reach out to you to offer love and support, you are doubting. Recognize when you are in this dark place.  Accept that you are here and take accountability for being so.  No one or nothing made you doubt.  You reacted to what was around you with doubt.  Own that. Now...stay here in this place of conscious doubting, acceptance and accountability for no longer than 17 seconds. Then walk through the bars that were never there in the first place.
2. Take the likelihood of what you desire from doubtful to possible. Know that everything is possible.  Reword you doubts with possibility.  I can't becomes maybe I can.  "Maybe" is not where you want to stay but it is a good start...because maybe is a far cry from "I can't"...is it not?  Test how it feels to say..."Maybe, I can accomplish that; maybe I can get that; maybe I can receive what I really want from life"...etc etc.   Maybe is infused with the tiniest hint of hope and that hope brings us up the emotional ladder.  Stay here for 17 seconds.
3. Take the possible to probable. Take the maybe to likely. We do not want to skip too far ahead too quickly in this process.  Take it slow and gently.  It is a simple and gentle transition, is it not, from possible to probable?  Here, you tell yourself that "It is likely that I will achieve that; likely that I will accomplish that." Stay here for longer than 17 seconds.
4. Take the probable to belief. Here we extend the time we focus on the likelihood of something time wise and quality wise.  Stay in this likely place for at least 68 seconds.  You build on the momentum of the likely by looking for and collecting all the goodies you  have stored in your memory banks.  Recall the times you got what you  wanted; or when you  succeeded at something,.  Think of your blessings and feel gratitude for both what you have received and what you  will receive.  After 68 seconds...many experts including Abraham...insist that our subconscious file cabinet doors will open up to store these thoughts.  Once securely tucked into the subconscious...the thought becomes a belief.
5. Know.  From belief you  go to faith...which is doubt's twin brother who was hanging around from the beginning.  You  can just see him clearly now.  You  know who you  are, from whom you  came and what you  are capable of.  Feel the presence, the love here.  You  are, after all,  where you  want to be...in His company.

All is well.

References:

Again I really cannot credit one text or lecture...these ideas are a copulation of years of study.  I apologize to all who put these thoughts into my head for not recognizing them correctly here.

Marking papers and I have been dreaming about marking papers all night.  One of the hazards of the trade lol.   I got to go shortly...so I will make this quick.  I will write the first thought that pops into my head....ready?......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Oh well ...better luck next time.  Sometimes I am too focused.  I am in the marking frame of mind and that is where I will stay until the last red mark is deposited on the appropriate paper.  :)

All is well.

People will forget what you said; people will forget what you did; but people will never forget how you made them feel.
Mayo Angelou

Change your thoughts and you change your world.
Norman Vincent Peale

I started this journey many decades ago with a little book I found in my father's bookshelf entitled, The Power of Positive Thinking. I was 18, I believe at the time and I was an emotional mess.  I took the worn and tattered copy outside to the veranda where I spent many hours as a teenager writing out my woes in a journal, and I began to read.  I was blown away by this idea that by changing my thoughts I could change this mess of a life I felt I was in. I read. I highlighted. I wrote notes in my journal. I was on a mission to understand. I was so excited about the learning. Almost 40 years later, I am still trying to understand and I am still excited by it.

I was meant to find that book.  I know that now.  As I was meant to come across every other book that somehow landed on my lap after that.  I was being guided.  I guess, many would call that airy fairy nonsense but I know I was being guided by something bigger than me to find the healing I needed.  I discovered at that early age where the healing place existed ...in my mind...and it involved one thing...changing the way I thought.

So though the books have changed over the years as did the means by which the message was expressed in them; though the speakers have gone from straight laced pastors who always wore a suit to Buddhist monks, Indian Yogis and a middle aged woman channelling the collective consciousness in an entity called Abraham....the message really is the same.  Change your thoughts and you change your world.  It is that simple! 

So don't get tripped up over the references you find here or the means by which the message comes to us...just listen to the very simple wisdom in the message...the same message that was taught for centuries, centuries and centuries...the same message that was taught by those you may relate better too (through the words of the bible, for example,  if you are Christian). It is a universal truth, is it not? Change your thoughts and you change your world. 

It is all good.

All is well in my world.

References

Peale, N.V. (1952) The Power of Positive Thinking. New York: Simon & Shuster.

Taking the General Train to the Life We Want

Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.
Author unknown


Learning

I am still on this wanting trip lol.  Not that I am presently thinking of anything specific that I want but  I feel compelled to understand the principals of wanting and to share them. I have, of course, been tapping into Abraham seminars amongst all the other oodles of teachings I am getting from others: New age masters, psychologists, philosophers, physicists, scientists, Buddhist monks, yogis and swamis, as well as ancient scriptures like the Gita and the old testament.

All this learning is filling my head with ideas and rekindling concepts  that were already there. So man...I am on a rampage lol.

The Distance

The biggest issue I am clicking in to lately, in the teachings of Abraham and quantum physics specifically,  are related to the time space distance between wanting and getting.

How do we get what we ask for sooner so that we can go beyond believing  all the stuff we are opening our minds to learning... to knowing it, stuff that is way out there for the majority of the world to even consider?

If we are not showing physical evidence of receiving what we asked for...are we not no further ahead? 

As we stand there empty handed after professing so intensely that it will happen, are we not setting ourselves up for self and other judgment? 

Do those people who are watching us   on our vision quest,  not have a right then to say we are just crazier than a bag of hammers? Should we not be questioning our own mental health?



Evidence as the Goal

My goal in this ...is not so much to experience the things I ask for directly through prayer and intention  and indirectly through contrast...but to gain evidence of the validity of my new emerging beliefs in the power of waking up.

I want to "know" who I am, from where I came and what I am capable of.    I want to experience the Love, the joy, the bliss and the peace that comes from knowing that. That is my general goal. 

I ask for specific things  in order to provide evidence that I am going in the right direction: A regaining of financial stability and independence, a clean, easily to maintain home,  high level and "complete" wellness that begins with freedom from back, pelvic and chest pain...a diagnosis for all of these that gives me something to work with; healthy loving relationships, the well being of those I love, travel, adventure, writing success so even if my body stays where it is...I can have a career that fulfills me and provides an income; etc. etc.

I ask for very specific things.  I do not always see evidence of these things in my life?  Why?

Reasons for not manifesting

I am learning that there are two reasons why I am not manifesting ( for lack of a better word) .

1.  I am focusing on not having and
2. I am being too specific in my intentions.

What we need to do when we find that things are not showing up for us in the way we want them to or if we are becoming consumed with doubt...is to keep the faith and to take the general train to the life we want. 

 

Keep the Faith
 

There is a reason why we are on the path we are on...a reason why we are doing the kooky thing of  listening to collective spirits being channelled through a woman's body or reading all those other spiritual texts we were told to stay away from.

Truth is Speaking

Something inside us is encouraging us to meditate and go inward...to see the world differently than we have learned to see it. There is something whispering to us to go on despite all the whispering that may be going on behind our backs.  Something is telling us we are on the right track no matter what the rest of the world says or thinks. 

Your truth is speaking to you; my truth is speaking to me.  It is faith that guides us forward.  It is powerful.  Doubt will come again and again to test this faith...we do not need to succumb to it.  Just stop and listen to what is going on beyond the doubt. 

 

What do you feel when you read those books or hear those speakers or understand those scriptures...what do you feel?  If you are getting goose bumps, and feeling a "Yes!  Yes!  Yes!" radiating from somewhere within...the message,  from whatever form it came ...was meant to find you and it did.  It is not telling you something new...it is simply reminding you of what you already knew.  That's faith.  :)

When you doubt

 

When you do doubt...bring yourself back to remembering all the signs that God was watching over you...and helping you to understand. 

What did you manifest in your life that you asked for?  (In other words, what blessings and gifts have you already been given?) Remember that! 

What uncanny things showed up in response to a question that you passed off as coincidence?

What were you told or shown in dreams that you tried to ignore or dismiss as a result of something you  ate?  Remember those times those gut feelings led you in the right direction.

 

Something in us knows we are more than these bodies and these minds.  Something in us knows we are so much more than this.  It is that something that accepts the messages, the teachings, the serendipity as divine gifts and makes us tingle from head to toe with blessing. 

 

We need to know that the universe, God  has our backs always and forever, that what we ask for we receive...that it is there before us and that it will materialize into something we can experience with the five senses.  Knowing this, despite how crazy it sounds, is faith.

 

 

Take the General Train

 

When you do find that things are not turning out the way you want them to...that  your dreams are going unfulfilled or that the unwanted keeps showing up again and again in your life, it is time to take self inventory of your wanting thoughts. 

Chances are that at those low points in our life...our focus is on specific negative and unwanted things.  Focusing on the specific is like taking a snowball and rolling it down hill...it will pick up momentum and the faster it goes the bigger it will get.  More and more negative thoughts will fill our moments.  More and more unwanted things will show up in our life. We will get farther and farther away from the life we want. The time and space distance between what we want and where we are will seem  excruciatingly long.

How on earth then do we get there? 

Abraham describes four steps:

 

1. Be aware of what you are thinking right now...your thought and feeling focus.  Catch the specific focus before it has a chance to roll down hill. Write it down!  Read it out loud and be aware of how it makes you feel.  "My back pain won't go away.  I am not well enough to work full time and I can't pay the bills.  The collectors keep calling me.  I can't clean my house.  My kids behaviour is out of control...and I can get more specific about that.  I keep getting rejections from publishers or worse...no response at all. " How does this make me feel?  Frustrated, doubting, untrusting and possibly even hopeless that things will ever change.  Instead of embracing my present moment I feel stuck in it! Do not allow this momentum to get too big or too fast...Stay here no longer than 17 seconds before you skip to step 2.
2. Turn the experiencing of the specific unwanted into the general unwanted.  Instead of focusing on the specifics of the unwanted situations in your life, generalize it.  Take that example in the above paragraph and make it a more general description of your experience.  "Sometimes I do not feel as well as I would like to.  Right now my work and financial situation are not where I want them to be.  My environment sometimes reflects the unwanted.  Those I love are not always behaving or making choices I think they should make. Doing what I love to do is not always met with reward and external gratification."  That was pretty general, right? But I still felt some doubt, some frustration and I know if I stay here the momentum will pick up taking me back to the specifics.   Can we take it farther?  " I realize I am not reaching my goal of complete well being as quickly as I like...this would of course require a balance between the mind, body, spirit as well as the other requirements of physical world stability: financial, social, sexual , occupational types of things. I feel frustrated as a result and succumb to doubt about this process." The more general I get, the less frustration I feel and the doubt begins to dwindle. Hopelessness is gone! Stay here no longer than 17 seconds before going to step 3
3. Turn it all around  to a general wanting of the opposite of the unwanted. Instead of projecting it all into the future, "I will feel better when..." know that what was asked for is not just coming, it is already here. " Though the process of getting to where I want to be seems slow...it really isn't.  Things are vibrationally happening very quickly.  I ask and I receive.  I know that somethings have showed up in my life already when I needed them too...they will continue to show up.  I am never given more than I can handle.  I will keep the faith and keep going because I know where I am going is a wonderful place.  I am in a wonderful place. I am meant to have complete well being and I will have it.  I do have it!!! As it materializes in front of me...and it is...I prove to myself and to others who I am...who we all are and what we have the ability to create. This is an amazing adventure of faith. I am excited and enthused.  I already feel the Love and joy I seek and it will continue to grow inside me the more awake and aware I become of God's presence in my life. " With this I give up my frustration  and my doubt and faith resurfaces...hope resurfaces...I feel a little giddy and excited.  Hold this momentum for at least 68seconds but as long as you can.  Make sure you "feel" good. If you don't go back and rephrase it in a way that makes you feel good or at least better.
4. Get specific in the wanting.  Once we have the momentum of general wanting going at a good clip and the feeling is getting bigger and bigger ...we can introduce the specifics.  Start with the future projection but quickly bring it to present.  " I want to feel physically energetic and vibrant, free of pain.  I want to be able to be active.  I want to make a full time  income doing what I love.  I want a clean, easy to maintain home.   I want to see my children in the best possible light knowing who they are, where they came from and what they are capable of.  I want publications. etc etc.  I know if I get these things...it will leave me feeling the joy of love, the peace of love, the security of love.  My life will be full of excitement, enthusiasm, and adventure.  I will embrace it head on with the same energy.  I will love so big and give so big. It will be amazing to feel this way all the time.  It  will prove to me and  all what we are as human beings...it will teach, motivate and inspire others to go after the lives they want...to grow and expand beyond survival.  It will help to heal the world." This is wonderful right?...full of positive desire...but it is lacking something vital.  It is  all future tense as if to say that what I want I will find in the future...therefore my happiness and joy...will only occur in the future, not in the present moment.  It is in the present moment that we live.  It is now that counts.  We want to feel good now!!!! So without shooting too far so we believe what we are saying we need to rephrase that with truths.   I am physically energetic and vibrant in many ways right now, free of pain most of the time.  I am active.  I am in the process of working full time at what I love and earning a good income.  I get to teach...do something else I love part time. I see my children in the best possible light.  I see my home becoming cleaner and more manageable one step at a time. Publishers are considering my work right now and it is so exciting .  :) I am feeling the joy of love, peace and security right now!!!! My life is full of excitement, enthusiasm and adventure...I can feel it in my core.  I am teaching, motivating and inspiring.  As I heal within I help to heal the world.  I don't really have to prove anything...what is is.  :) At any time that you are saying this or writing this and it feels like too much of a leap (doubt jumps in) step back and try something else, more general, that leaves you feeling excited, tingly, happy, sure etc. Make sure you feel good as you say or write these wants down. The feeling good is the most important thing. :)  Keep this momentum going for as long as you can but for no less than 68 seconds.

What you are looking for, is actually found in step 4. When you feel the way you are hoping the thing you asked for will make you feel...you got what you want.  It is the feeling of love, joy, bliss, peace that we are really after isn't it? Go there often and stay as long as you can.  Eventually the specific request will materialize as an extra bonus.

All is well in my world. .

References:
Please note that the above ideas have come from a collection of tapes, books, seminars on Youtube by Abraham Hicks over the years .  I cannot specify at this point



If you judge people you have no time to love them.
Mother Teresa

Lovely morning...a bit cloudy and damp but the robins are amazing out there ...so, so beautiful.  I have bread in the oven, my tea and my words in front of me.  What can get better than that?    It is all good.

I have recently come to a conclusion about something through conversations with others over the evil doings by some against humanity and some of my very enlightening dreams lately.

I am starting to understand that we are not to judge others as being evil even though their violent acts against humanity are judged as such. 

The ultimate question arises.  If we could look at these acts and these people through the eyes of pure un relenting Love, what would we see?

We wouldn't be able to see evil, would we?  Evil is seen only through the eyes of fear and fear is the opposite of Love.  We can not truly Love with all our being and fear at the same time.  So how would we see evil?   God is pure unrelenting Love...that sees no evil. 

I know, I know that goes against everything most of us were brought up to believe in our religious teachings.  We were made  to believe there was good and there was evil.  There was Heaven and there was Hell...God would judge and determine in which direction we are heading. 

So what do we do as humans who believe this?  We help God out by judging and sorting people out in their respective pens for Him.  "You can  go here and wait for Heaven...cause you are so nice.  I will accept you, embrace you and love you. You, over there with the evil grin on your face, you who  committed that awful bad thing...you go over here and wait for the elevator to take you down to you know where.  While you are waiting...I will poke at you, shun you, condemn you, leave you in pain.  I will reject you, fear you and hate you." 

We help God out!

Imagine though...if we got it all wrong. 

Imagine if God didn't need our help...or more importantly want our help in the judging department.  What if He, is in His pure egoless state,  looked upon the happenings of our world and did not see them in the same way  we did in our ego dominated states?

What if He just saw Love and all else was just illusion?

What if He saw the same glorious inner being in every single one of us...no matter what we did? 

Would He not want us to see that too? Would He not want us to Love?

Then, why on earth...would He want us to do the judging, separating and condemning for Him?

 Maybe we need to start seeing the world and each other without the fear that distorts our perceptions and with the Love that brings all things to light...like He does.  In the mean time we should put down our cattle prods and our labels.  Don't you think?

Food for thought!

All is well in my world

Therefore, I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
Mark 11:24

I have been writing about wanting lately.  "The Law of Attraction" depicted by The Secret is  the way many people would describe the phenomenon I write about.  I have no problem with whatever terminology is used.     For me, personally however, there is no label for this that will suffice other than grace. Words, I believe, are too limiting in their ability to describe it.  So if people want to refer to this wanting and receiving as the Law of Attraction...go or it. It will not change what it actually is.  In the beginning of my understanding...I actually referred to it as such. 

I just caution that we don't over simplify it, commercialize it in a way that would please the ego or dismiss the true value of it.  This divine gift of "Ask and you shall receive." is not a vending machine proposal.  You don't put your toonie in (prayer, petition, intention), push the select button on what you want...and plop there it is in the tray beneath, waiting for you.  Source  is not there to meet your personal cravings with instant gratification. Though these universal laws are much simpler than we make them out to be with our overthinking, they go beyond ego based instant gratification. Therefore, they are not so easily understood or accepted by our egos. Like the laws of electricity and gravity, we cannot "see" them in action. They go beyond the visible world we see.  Yet, what I write about isn't new age hocus pocus either.  It isn't a fairy tale or fantasy.  It is the ancient  truth spoken by spirit and science together.  

I am not believing this just because I want to believe in unicorns. I have a scientific mind...I ask a question and I set out to find the answer and to validate it. I am not pulling the information from thin air.  I have researched this. I have hundreds of  highlighted books behind me that I have read over and over. I have sat through hundreds of lectures.  I have tested it.  I have practiced and experienced it. At the same time...I was and am always willing to listen to that quiet voice within me that whispers that this is the truth:  "Ask and you shall receive."

I am not saying I am an expert...far from it.  I am merely a student.  What makes a student?  Someone willing and motivated to learn with an open mind.  That's me.

So if you come upon my stuff and you find it hard to swallow...that's okay.  You do not have to accept it or me.  I am okay with that.  But if you come across my stuff and you find yourself stopping and questioning...great...I hope I can help with the answers to my own questioning.  These questions and ideas that have been spinning around the human mind  for centuries and centuries are not mine.  They are not unique to me. They are also not meant to lead to cult followings; to take people from their present religious practices; or to trick people into "sin"...they are just meant to wake people up to the truth of who we really are and from where we came.  They are meant to open consciousness, expand it beyond our present limitations  so our species evolves in the way it is intended to.  

That's enough about that. lol

All is well in my world.

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Acceptance vs The Giving -Up-On-Wanting Cancer

Accepting the present moment just as it is, is not the same as giving up.  When we give up, we are listening to the voices of doubt. When we accept, we are quieting those voices and listening to the silent whispers of  the spirit.
Dean Jackson (Poet)

I wrote yesterday about getting beyond that feeling of "not having" to healthy wanting.  I guess, I also need to speak a little more on healthy accepting.  There is a difference between accepting what is and giving up on expectation for desire fulfillment...a big difference.

Though we may assume we are in acceptance mode when we don't get frazzled when something, we were so sure was about to show up, doesn't we might actually be on our way to succumbing to the  giving- up -on -wanting cancer.  How do we know if our approach to acceptance is getting sick?

Sick  Acceptance

We will know this defeatist attitude is beginning to grow in us like a malignant tumour, replacing our healthy wanting cells, when we adopt and "Oh well!  That's Life " attitude to every disappointment and unfulfilled desire we encounter.

When our bank accounts  are still in the red after years of practicing "allowing," for example,  and we hear ourselves saying "Oh well!  That's life. I better get used to it." ...we are getting sick

Sure we have not yet  come out and  said the taboo words of manifesting , "I will never get what I want anyway, so why should I even bother wanting. " but that is the thought direction we are heading in. 

The universe responds to that thought vibration by holding back.  Things are not showing up.  Time is passing from days, months, to years and still our desires go unfulfilled.  It will seem that the universe is not answering our request.

When we assume that our requests are being denied, we begin to believe that disappointment, frustration, a lack of,  is permanently etched into our future and there is no escaping our destiny.  The time and space between what we want and where we are takes up all our attention.

The Giving-Up-On-Wanting Cancer

When our attention is there, we are  creating more of what we don't want and more distance, time and space between what we originally asked for and where we are now. It is uncomfortable here in the in between so we step back onto the familiar and somewhat stable ground of not having.  At this point, we are very sick.

We are mentally going beyond accepting what is... to giving up on what could be.  When we find ourselves "sucking it up" more that we are "launching it out there"  ...we are pretty much getting to the more advanced stages. Our dreams are dying...well they are dying in our minds and in our minds only.

Source will not be deterred

Source will still provide no matter how our dreams mutate and decay.  Source will still pick up the energy vibration brought about by contrast and send a rocket of desire out on our behalf. (Abraham) Source will answer us.  Source will look after us always...providing for us constantly.  Source doesn't recognize cancer or illness in any form. 

The giving-up-on wanting cancer, therefore,  will not deter Source but it will deter us from realizing the gifts Source is providing for us.   With this disease we lose the ability to see clearly. We can no longer see how we are loved, protected, provided for and that all we have to do is ask and we will receive. We stop expecting because it is becoming too painful and disappointing.  It is easier to just say "That's Life!  and that is the way my life is going to be!"

We go beyond giving-in to the wisdom of life flow to giving up on the abundance the life flow carries with it for us.  We go beyond accepting to succumbing. We go from soaking up the positivity God offers to being buried under the negativity Ego offers.

This is us backing away from God...not vice versa.  God has not backed away from us! 

When we lose connection to our desire...we lose the awareness of our connection to Source...and  we stop allowing all that is intended for us to come to us.  We will be stuck in a state of not having.  It has to be understood...that we are not accepting here...we are giving up.

Accept, don't succumb

Acceptance of what is, is essential to our growth and expansion as human beings but we need to know the difference between  accepting and succumbing. 

Acceptance says,  "This is the way my life is right now...I may not like it...but I will desire this or that and I will get it so that I don't stay here in this situation I do not desire." 

Acceptance shows the contrast, sends out the desire and is full of faith and hope in the outcome. 

Succumbing is accepting the now for what it is...sure...but it looks at all the lack, all the disappointment, and time between the asking and the receiving of requests as being all there is.  Succumbing says, "It sucks but I guess I have to live like this.  Might as well settle in and make the most of it because it isn't going to get better."

There is no faith in succumbing...no hope...that the next moment will be better...that this moment can have more in it beyond acceptance. There is no more "wanting" or desiring because it seems so hopeless.

There is no moving up the emotional scale in succumbing...where there is in true acceptance. 

True acceptance takes us up the ladder...succumbing to the giving-up-on-wanting cancer will only bring us down farther.

I realize that I have this mental cancer .  One of the reasons why things do not seem  to happen for me as quickly as I would like; why my life is not changing for ways I think are better and more desirable...is because my thinking is sick. 

I need surgery and chemotherapy before I can begin to get better.  I need to cut out the "Oh Well!  That's Life!  I better get used to it!" thoughts that fill my moments and that have been subconsciously  causing so much pressure. I also  need to infuse myself with treatments of hope and faith.

With the right amount of care, the tumours will shrink and healthy new wanting cells will take their place.  :) I am confident of that. 

All is well in my world.

Ten Steps to Healthy Wanting

Be happy with what you have while working for what you want.
Helen Keller

Wanting

What do you wish for? More money or, if you are like me, at least enough to get by lol.  More health? Happiness? A big home? A better job? That promotion? Recognition? A relationship? A healthier relationship? What is it that you want? More importantly, how do you want?

Sometimes we get lost in our wanting. 

Though wanting is necessary for our growth and expansion we need to be very mindful of how we are wanting. 

If we want from a state of lacking and despair...we focus our attention on the empty feeling of not having what we want. This empty feeling of longing desperately enfolds us like a dark cocoon that keeps us from the light desire is meant to offer.

We focus on not having.  We concentrate on what we don't yet have.  We dwell on the absence of , creating more and more distance between the thing of our desire and where we are.  We focus on the seemingly widening time and space  between us and it.   We live the experience of being without.

 We begin to focus on the very opposite of what it is we want. We concentrate on how little we have in our account now; how small our house is now; how far from wellness we seem to be now; how much we hate our present job and how the boss will never promote us over so and so now.  We focus on our loneliness or all the things that are wrong in our relationships now.

When we experience this phenomenon we are lost in wanting.  We are stuck in it. We feel abandoned, victimized, left out, forgotten, unworthy, unappreciated, punished, less than, angry, hungry, desperate, frustrated, hopeless and in despair because we do not have what we want. 

These feelings bring us down the emotional ladder, farther away from the joy we assume the fulfillment of our desire will provide.  Ironically, the more we want from a state of "not having"...the farther away from this fulfillment we seem to be.

Many of us want from this state of "not having."   Do you?  If you are there...how much do you appreciate?  Are you even aware of the things you do have in your life?  The blessings?

Wanting is the thing that allows us to grow and expand as human beings. It sets us apart from all other creatures.  If we did not want we would not receive.  We would not grow.  We would not expand.  We are meant to want for the evolution of our species!!  We just need to be careful how we do it.   So how do we want in the healthiest way?

 

Ten Steps to Healthy Wanting

 

1. Accept where you are right now.  Accept life as it is right now.  Accept this moment, whatever is in it, as being exactly the way it is meant to be right now. Do not resist it.  Do not focus on all the things you do not want in it...see them...yes... but just let them be. Don't spend your energy building cases against what is.  So right now you do not have a lot of money.  Like me, you may be struggling just to get by.  That's okay...it is what it is right now.  Maybe you are in a job you do not like...that's okay, it is what it is right now.  Maybe you do not have a significant person in your life...that's okay...it is what it is right now. You do not have to "like" the way things are but you will get no where until you at least acknowledge and accept things the way they are.  Resistance of what is will keep you stuck!

 

2. Know that contrast starts the fulfillment of your desire.  It is when we have things in our life that we do not want...that we begin to want.  We automatically send out  little rockets of desire, as Abraham calls them, when we recognize these things we would rather not have or the lack of something.  This is the contrast that sets the wheels in motion.  If you are experiencing pain...you automatically send a desire out for pain relief.  If you are experiencing hunger...you automatically send a desire out for food.  When you experience loneliness...you automatically send a desire out for  companionship.  When a bill collector calls...you automatically send a desire out for more money (I have a lot of rockets going in that direction lol). You do not necessarily have to be conscious of these desires when you are conscious of the contrast. So think of it this way:  the more contrast you have in your life (the more lack you perceive, the more pain, suffering etc.) means the more fulfilled desire you will have when you are ready to receive. The amount of "yucky" you are experiencing now is equal  to the amount of "goodies"   waiting for you on the other side of this wanting continuum. 

 

3. Recognize the contrast and then quickly let it go.  This is the hard part. Know what is missing, what you do not yet have but let it go.  So you know your bank account is in the red.  You are aware of that contrast.  Great...now let it go.  Do not focus on it.  Do not put a lot of energy into thinking about it, worrying about it or trying to fix it or control it.  Just let it go trusting in the universal laws to provide the contrast for it.

 

4. Replace that feeling of lack with appreciation of what you have.  This is the time to count your blessings.  Search high and search low for things to be grateful for...and there are plenty.  Some days you may be challenged.  Be grateful on those days for the fact that you are alive, that you can breathe...those are amazing miracles within themselves. Every time you are challenged by a reminder of how little you have, or what you are missing...focus on what you do have.  "I only have ten dollars in my account but I have a house full of love."  You need to feel the appreciation...so keep practicing with the blessing replacements that make you sincerely feel the most appreciation. Keep a long list of blessings that you collect over a period of time that you can refer to on those days when it seems really challenging to find that feeling.

 

5. Be Grateful in general.  Practice feeling gratitude.  It is the one emotion that can bring us up quickly and take us closer to the fulfilment of our desire. Use the ten second "Thank You!  Thank You!  Thank You! " reboot throughout the day.  This increases a general feeling of appreciation.  It is a way of tapping into  the feeling of gratitude that comes from simply being alive.

 

 

6. Want from a state of having. Know what you have to be grateful for in terms of your blessings but also know that what you desire, you already have.  Once you recognized your contrast...your desire was fulfilled.  You just don't realize it yet,in terms of your sensual experience, because you created this time space distance between you and it.  Know that it is there waiting for you.  Affirm to yourself, "I asked so I have received."

 

7.  Be grateful for having the things you want. Say a prayer of gratitude for having the things you want.  "Thank you for the money in my account", even though you are in the red. " Thank You for my health," even though you  feel like crap. "Thank you for my new soul mate," even though they have not knocked on the door yet. "Thank you for this new job"  even though you are still parking in the same parking spot you have been parking in for fifteen years.

Practice being grateful as if what you wanted is already here.

 

8. Act as if you have what you want.  You can also act as if you have what you want. If you want money, for example, act as if you have money.  Give some away to the less fortunate...to those who have less than you. One of the greatest lessons my father ever taught us growing up was that, "There is always someone else out there that needs it more than you, so make it a point to give."  That lesson has seen me through some of my darkest perceptions of lack. Give to those who need it more than you. You can also keep  some money...even if you do not spend it...in your wallet...like a 100 dollar bill. Know it is there and you will perceive a full wallet and abundance.  If you want recognition from others...act as if you have it.  Walk around with your chin up and a smile of gratitude on your face for all your adoring fans.   Act as if until you know what is.

 

9. Feel like your desire has been fulfilled right now.  You assume that once you reach your dreams you will feel a certain way...you will be happy, peaceful, confident etc.  You do not have to wait until you get the object of your desire before you feel this way. It is not the thing that you want...it is the feeling that you assume the thing will bring.  You do not need the future or things to bring those feelings to you.  You want the peace and security you assume financial stability will bring?  Find peace and stability in this moment.  You want the love you think a soul mate will bring?   Feel love in this moment. Things do not bring feelings...we bring feelings.  The future is not where our life is...this moment is

 

10.  Make it your priority in life to feel good now.  If we want to live the lives we are meant to live, we need to feel good...love, joy, enthusiasm, bliss.  Those are the feelings that are meant for us.  We also need to recognize that life is right here, right now in this moment...not in the future and it is not dependent on us getting the things we want.  We need to feel "better"now, than "good", and eventually "great" .  Every moment should be an advancement up the emotional ladder from the feelings wrought by "not having" to the ones blessed by having: acceptance, appreciation, peace, joy, love.  It is important to feel good right now, right here.  Not only will we enjoy life so much more if we do that...those darn things we wanted in the first place...  will actually show up a lot faster the happier we are.

 

All is well in my world.





References:

Hicks, Ester & Jerry ( 2004) Ask and It is Given. Hay House.

 



Settle down and relax like a cat.  Everything will be okay, eventually.
Oscar Wilde

I know the trick to getting rid of this back pain is in getting ( or allowing) those muscles to relax.  I could learn a lot from my cats and I will relax.

I saw this pic opportunity and couldn't resist. (f/36, 1/200 sec, ISO-3200).  Shot in Raw and the magic happened in my trial of Light Room 5.  (I am not sure which version to buy if...when lol...I  have money again)

All is well!

Stretching into Gratitude

The single greatest thing you can do to improve your life today would be to start being grateful for what you have right now.
Oprah Winfrey

Another absolutely beautiful day.  Yesterday too was full of sunshine and mild breezes.  I soaked it up as much as I could after work.  I sat outside and marked papers, and went for a walk when D. got home.  As we walked under the beautiful old trees and over the pine needles that lined the trails,  I found myself looking up saying, "Thank You!  Thank You!  Thank You!" Just that alone filled me with something I have not been feeling enough of lately...something we all can be feeling all the time. Gratitude.  Then D. and I went for ice-cream ( I indulge on the lactose free once in a while...my only source of dairy...Ice cream has been one of my favorite foods despite my lactose intolerance and one of those things you can not help but be totally present while you eat it...rationalization at its best... lol :)).  Yes it was a good day...despite the back that was definitely intent on being heard; despite the post work fatigue...it was a good day and I was very grateful. I am grateful for today as well.

In my book,  Beyond Fear and Shame, There is Love, I write about the Ten Second Reboot. This little exercise can bring us back whenever we are feeling overwhelmed, curled up in submission, heavy with external pressures or just plain old exhausted.  It is literally  a throwing off of the burden, standing tall, reaching as high as you can and saying "Thank You!  Thank You!  Thank You!"  to absolutely everything.  The stretching tricks the body into feeling healthy, vibrant and alive.  It tricks the mind into feeling powerful and unlimited.  It reminds all of us of the powerful energy that runs though our bodies and connects us to all around us. We are connected to the earth below us but we extend beyond physical form, beyond this world we have come to see as our reality. We are not overstretching when we do this...we are not trying to fool  our minds into believing we feel bliss when we don't. We are simply experiencing the feeling of "better" when we do this.  It makes you feel better.  It really does.  It is like making a choice..."I can continue to feel the way I do now...or I can feel better."  When I stretch up I automatically feel better even though my mind and body may be trying to convince me at the time...that it is not going to work and I am just crazier than a bag of hammers.

Saying "Thank you!" is the real magic though.  There is something so healing and so freeing in uttering those simple words. The act of looking up at the sky, feeling the earth beneath you and your muscles extending...makes appreciation so much easier to express.  Those two actions...the physical stretching and the verbal expression... allow our natural inclination for gratitude to be set free...so it flows through us sincerely.  You do not need to know exactly what you are thankful for or why...you just have to feel it, experience it.

Be thankful for where you are right now! Try the reboot  a couple of times today to see for yourself.  What have you got to lose...20 seconds out of your day and possibly the heavy burden you have been carrying for much too long. 

All is well in my world.

When the mind, body and spirit work as one, anything is possible.
Criss Angel

Beautiful sunny day and I am grateful. Having a little issue with the computer...we picked up a virus or something and I have a hard time getting into this blog.  I panic a little as this is how I have been starting my day everyday now for years.  It is an important ritual for me.  I get frustrated when I find obstacles but I am here.

Body/Mind Connection

Thinking more about the body and mind connection...the body, mind, spirit connection I should say.  I truly, truly see the way to health is through the mind...the way to the mind is through the spirit. 

Yet, after a day of listening to wonderful speakers talk about this connection: Christine Northrup, the late Wayne Dyer, Ester Hicks, Louise Hay, Deepak Chopra and Tony Robins...and doing my back exercises, some gentle stretching, relaxing and maybe a bit too much sitting...I ended up with an intensified version of the discomfort  that followed me around from 2 Pm to bed.  I had a hard time sitting but I couldn't stand for long.  I would pace and walk back and forth but that aggravated the ticker...so I had to stop. 

I was very much caught up in the body.  I accepted the discomfort as being there.  It was not overwhelming or something I couldn't bare.  I didn't resist.  I accepted it.  I did my best to listen to it but  I couldn't help but feel at certain points, "What am I doing wrong?"

The more aware I become of the mind, body, spirit connection...the more my body gets noisy? Why?  

My only explanation for that is my awareness is purely at a thought form level maybe...it has to be at a deeper level of knowing that is not interpreted or expressed through words. I have to know that I can control my body and eliminate pain at my very core. 

How do we get there from this intellectual knowing I have now?  That is where I am at in my learning.  How do we go from knowing at the level of the mind to open up to the knowing at the level of the soul? 

Wow!  That's exciting.  At least...through this new questioning... I know where my learning journey is taking me.  It is taking me back to my connection with the observer...and from there to God.  Is it not?  We assume knowing is intellectual when it isn't.  Knowing goes  beyond thought, beyond mind and body to who we really are...to that being that experiences life through our mind and body.

An Example

Anyway...I know someone who has a diagnosis of COPD...possibly quite advanced.    I  noticed signs since we met...clubbing of the fingernails that can only come with chronic hypoxia, a terrible cough, wheezing and SOB at times, weight loss and periods of decreased mental acuity and drowsiness  when his sats were low. 

This individual did not even know the name of his condition...I just happened upon it on a doctor's slip once. To him he just has "a little problem with the lungs."

He absolutely never complains...never stops because of it.  He is right now working 7 days a week at something he enjoys doing.  How can he be doing this when others would be house bound and possibly on O2 therapy if they had the same condition?  It is in his attitude and the way he approaches life that makes the difference in his health experience...his life experience. 

He doesn't see problems.  He sees only blessing.  In the two years I have known him, I have never seen him angry or upset.  He has a genuine smile on his face all the time...is kind and gentle with everyone he meets.  Walks slowly, moves slowly...seldom in a hurry.  He doesn't get frazzled when things go wrong because in his eyes he doesn't see things as going wrong.  He is a person who knows how to get beyond thought to being. 

Sometimes I will look over at him when he is sitting quietly, my own mind in a frenzy over this or that, and ask, "What are you thinking about?"  He will answer me with a big smile on his face..."Absolutely nothing!  I am just enjoying the view."

He knows how to be...and this is not something he works at.  It just comes naturally to him.  He does not fill his mind with all that garbage about illness too many of us do; doesn't see himself as ill...so he isn't ill.

 As a nurse who studied under the medical model, I unknowingly interfere with his experience from time to time when I observe his mental acuity being an issue or hear a cough that is getting worse.  I express my concern.  I put my thoughts into his reality at those times. He often gets past that influence but sometimes he seems to heed what I have to say and he ends up sick in bed with pneumonia like symptoms.  (The collective consciousness of illusion taking over again.)

I am learning to keep my mouth shut and to sit back and learn from him. 

All is well in my world.

More on the Effect of Belief on the Body

The body is a verb not a noun...
Deepak Chopra

We seldom think of the body as an action.  We see it, as we do many of the stuff around us, as things.  Yet the body is an energetic, ever moving, ever changing, vibrating, creating action.  It is an action. It is a doing not a being.  We, the observer,  inside the body are the being.  The body is never still, never quiet, never not doing...but the observer is always still, always quiet, never doing...just being.  The mind is the information system that controls the body and that is the body.  Every cell in your body is a part of that mind.  Every cell...every molecule  thinks, interprets, remembers and responds. Every molecule acts because every molecule has the moving energy of atoms within it.  Every molecule is an action...every cell is an action...every organ is an action and every body is an action...in the vast universe which is also an action. "Say what, crazy lady?"  Things are just the manifesting of this moving energy...what we experience as the world is the way our minds perceive and create  us and the world around us.  We use our minds to capture and still this vast moving energy into some "thing"  just so that we can make sense of it with our five senses and with even more "thought".

The world  as we created it is a process of our thinking.  It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.
Albert Einstein

So we are back to this familiar notion: the answer to all of the world's problems is a change in thought.   Our worlds are merely reflected thought form.  We (as we come to know ourselves ) are what we think  we  are and the world we live in is what we think it is.  Our bodies are healthy if we think with conviction they are healthy, ill if we think with conviction they are ill.  So why do we think illness thoughts if they are making us sick?  Why are we so convinced? Because we are culturally, socially trained to be so.  It is ingrained in our collective subconscious. Illness is a product of this culture and we prescribe to it.  We prescribe to the idea that our bodies are vulnerable to genetic and external forces in the form of disease.  We also prescribe to the idea that it is only something or someone outside ourselves that may have the power to make us better when we are ill. We then get sick because we are convinced we will and we depend on chemicals, treatments and others outside ourselves to make us better.  All this is just a twisted manifestation of our convictions and beliefs that society and culture has collectively enforced upon us.  What would happen if we believed we could never get sick...I mean truly believed that...would we get sick?  What would happen if we had ourselves convinced that we were already sick and then we changed that thinking around and became absolutely convinced that we could get better?  The many, many studies done on the Nocebo and Placebo effect prove how much our convictions effect our health and our recoveries.   It is belief that creates illness.  It is belief that creates wellness.  It is belief that creates everything we experience in this life: the good, the bad and the ugly. It is belief we must change if we want to experience life differently, healthfully and happily.

Our bodies are our gardens, to which our wills our gardeners.
William Shakespeare (Othello, Act One; scene 3)

All is well in my world.

It is raining this morning and the buds on the trees outside my window are coming out.  It is nice to see.  Life's cycle  is beginning all over again.  Sweet.  Back was so much better until I sat to watch a movie last night.   Oh well...it is coming.  Get it completely out of my mind and it will be out of my body.  :) My vehicle knows I have important places to go and it is going to take me there.  It is all good.

For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

On Driving Your Vehichle to Where You Really Want to Go

If you don't know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere.
Henry Kissinger ( Brainy quotes)

When the Body speaks

Back is still acting up but it is better...as long as I do not bend down or get up suddenly...it is all good.  I just want to know what it is trying to tell me?

Unlike my cardiac condition it carries another message ...and though its voice is not as frightening...it is probably more persistent.  I figure its reprimand  has something to do with the fact that I am not still enough, not listening enough.

The body is putting me in a position where I have to be still.  It knows I remain a bit stuck in my head...thinking, thinking, thinking, asking, asking, asking but I don't stop, close my eyes and sit silently waiting for an answer. :)   (In all fairness though...it was a meditation that got me into this mess in the first place lol.)

 I still try to keep busy with doing as well:  I write, submit, putter around here, make sure everyone is at least fed if I cannot do much for cleaning up after them other than some laundry and some dishes. I even attempted to clean the yard yesterday...was able to pick up some garbage but that was about it.  What should have been a 5-10 minute job took me over 40 minutes. Despite the pain...I keep going until I spasm up and can't move at all. My back is telling me to slow down and do less.

It is also telling me to avoid sitting for long periods.  I spasm up if I am in a chair for more than a few minutes at a time.  The big thing, I discovered, is not to sit on the couch or in any chair for too long.  So my writing flow is sporadic and interrupted by many trips to the kitchen or up and down the hall.

Am I being told not to write?  To take a break?  I look at my writing as the only thing that is keeping me sane these days lol...Am I being told to stop trying to hold on to something that was never there in the first place (my sanity)?  I don't know.  It's all good though.  In fact, I am even a little excited about the learning that this opportunity offers me.  

Learning in Pain

That is why I am boring you with this rampage about my back and sitting longer than I should to get it all down.  I want to remind you and me  there is learning in pain...and when the body breaks down there is a certain amount of humility that is good for the soul. 

I am reminded that my body is only a vehicle that I drive.  I didn't take the greatest care of it in my reckless pursuits down the bumpiest roads of life.  I didn't nurture or appreciate it enough.  I drove it too hard. I chose the roads with all the potholes and left the smooth highways to the others I assumed were more deserving. 

Either I didn't listen to its rattles and the squeals  enough or I made too much of those abnormal noises as justification for where I was in life. I blamed my body  for slowing me down, for not being able to go fast enough to keep up with the  Mario Andretti's of the world.

 I took it to the shop from time to time but I was never assertive enough with the mechanics.  I was never sure myself if I had a right to be there.  Oh I asked people to look at its wear and tear and feel sorry for me because of it at some points in my life.  I exploited the hanging bumpers and rusted door frames, the cracks in the windshield.   

Too often I asked others to take over the driving and blamed them or my body for not getting me to where it is I am headed.  At the same time I had no idea where I was going. It was only recently in my waking up process that I realized that I was always the driver and as the driver I called the shots.  Though I may not be able to control what is happening around me, I can control how I drive through it. Most importantly, I can control the direction in which I go.

Where are you going?

Where are you going?  Do you know where you want to go? 

Are you heading in the right direction and are you enjoying the experience? 

What type of a road are you choosing...the bumpy old back roads  or the highways with no scenic value but that get you there faster? 

Do you know that there is another route to go besides the bumpy or the fast...a smooth road that offers the beautiful scenery the world has to offer as you journey?

Are you taking care of your body along the way so it functions well enough to get you there?  Do you appreciate it?  Are you listening to the squeals and the rattles, paying attention to the cracks and the rust without being overly consumed by them?

Do you take accountability for yourself as the driver or are you blaming the mechanics, the drivers you hired, the vehicle you are in or the world around you for driving you around in circles?

I am the Driver

I know I am right where I am right now ( probably stuck in this chair lol) because I put myself here.  Without judgment, or blame...without a need for pity or guilt...I pull over to the side of the road for a bit and pull out my GPS.  I need to make sure I have the right destination in there. 

Where am I going?  To a place that brings peace and joy, love and happiness.  I choose another route than the one I am on right now.  I put my blinker on...make a U turn and head in another direction.  I take the next exit to  that smooth and scenic route. 

Once on that road to feeling better...I just have to sit back and trust that my vehicle  will get me there.  I look around at the amazing world and I  enjoy the ride.

All is well in my world.

More on Being Humble

If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise or disgrace, because you know what you are.
Mother Teresa

Isn't that beautiful? That is what I want.  I want to know what I am.  I want to be above the need for praise and beyond the fear of disgrace.  How wonderful that would be to live our lives that way...humble to the core. I am beginning to see my goof ups and embarrassing moments, my rejections, and my mistakes in a totally different light now.  They touch me less; they define me not.  I may never be a "great" writer, a "great" photographer, a "great" thinker, teacher, parent, or person in the eyes of others or myself.  That is okay.  I will still write, photograph, think, teach, parent and be for the sheer joy of it and with the hope that what I offer will benefit someone somewhere someday.

We are not as we appear to others in our glory or in our shame. We are much more than that.  We are all much more than that. Maybe I am finally getting it.  Do you think?  :)

It is all good.

Being humble means recognizing that we are not on earth to see how important we can become, but to see how much difference we can make in the lives of others.
Gordon B. Hinckley

Be Still and Know...
Psalms 46:10

Okay...I got up lol...just in case you are wondering,

I am literally stuck right now.  The back is so gone...lol...I keep getting stuck in my chair which I am right now.   I can not push down on the chair arms or the desk to pull myself up...causes too much pain. I have to wait for my daughter to get up to pull me straight up from it. For now...I am stuck.  I want to say, "Why?  Why?  Why?" like a victim.  I stop myself and say it with a more curious inflection in my head.  "Why?"   "Why am I unable to move...unable to "do" even the small bit I was able to do before the back went out again.  Why am I so immobilized right now?   Does someone or something out there or in here want me "still"?  What comes to mind as I write this is:  "Be still and Know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10)  Okay...I think God and I have to have a little chat.

All is well in my chair bound world.

On Making Mistakes...Grammatical and Otherwise

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw

We all Make Mistakes

I spent my life making mistakes, let me tell ya.  Big ones, small ones, medium sized ones...any sized ones.  I made and make mistakes.  I had a very, very honorable life to date. lol

A Tiny Mistake; Many Tiny Mistakes

One little chronic mistake was brought to my attention yesterday. It was just a trivial spelling error but once I realized it, I was floored as if I committed some major crime.  For as long as I can remember I spelled Author..."Authour".  I would ignore the spell check and continue with what I was so sure was the right Canadian spelling of the word.  I am not sure why I had that particular conviction in my head but it was ingrained in there. 

Every time the red line would flash and I would check for the computer's spelling of the word...I would tell myself, "That is the American spelling.  I am determined to spell it like a Canadian."  And I would keep that "u" so proudly in there.  I used my version of the spelling on everything I wrote and in any way I could.  I sent that word to publishers and agents ...to students and readers.  I was arrogantly convinced and felt no need to question. 

Then yesterday, I seen the word spelled "Author" in a Canadian text...and it was like, "What?  The editors  are succumbing to spell check too?"  I had to investigate farther... to look it up to be sure.  Everywhere I looked it was spelled "Author".  Then it dawned on me... of course it is Author...not authour because it is not doctour or actour. The suffix used to define a person's role   is "or" not "our".   Ouch!

Then I thought of all the grammar mistakes I made over the years on essays, submissions and even on publications.  I wrote  as a columnist for a paper once ...and the editor requested I send in the original piece.  He never edited my work.  Every spelling and grammatical error a person could make when they are writing off the cuff was  exposed across the paper every week.  I had people from the community calling me up to give me grammar lessons. It was humiliating. 

That is how my writing is remembered by some.  One individual let it slip that he and his family looked forward to reading my articles each Sunday.   It was a fun way to sit with the fam and count all the mistakes I made.  What a blow to the writer ego in me, that was to hear that.  Man...that is not what writing is intended for lol.  So my misspelling of the word "Author" brought that to mind...and with it, more than a little humiliation.

Humbling

The humiliation eventually settled in to a feeling of being humbled.  Humble is a wonderful place to be for learning to take place.  So I will learn from this. I will never spell that word incorrectly again. I will be much more mindful of grammar and spelling.    I will appreciate the tools on this computer that help me to write better English and I will try to be more humble in my writing adventures as well as in my life!

What is the moral of this story?

I have learned a lot from my mistakes...and not just the grammar and spelling ones I have made over the years...all mistakes. We all make mistakes.  Even the people who found enjoyment exploiting or picking out mine, make mistakes. It is human to error. 

It is honorable to error. It is honorable because it is humbling...mistakes offer an opportunity or a way of stripping back layers of ego to get to who we really are.  All that arrogant, "Look at me and how perfect I am in what I can do, what I have, and  the success I achieved" stuff, is not who we are.  We are perfect beings under imperfect personas that make mistakes.  Mistakes put holes in our perfect personas so the real us can shine through. Humility is not a diminishing quality ...it is one that expands.  Once we accept humble we can learn and we can grow.

So I made mistakes in my writing and in my life. At least I stuck my neck out there and I wrote like my heart so wanted me to do.  I put myself on the line, left my imperfect mistake bound person open for criticism...in order to follow my bliss. I continued to write, continued to make even more mistakes and grow.  I didn't spend my life doing nothing.  I was an "Authour" and an "Author." lol  How many people can claim that distinction?


All is well in my world.

Parental Guilt

Guilt is to the spirit what pain is to the body.
David Bednar

Raining again the way it should be in April...warm, cleansing and somehow soothing.  I am finding some comfort in the rain.  (My appreciation of the rain  might have a little to do with the fact that rain means I can't do yard work outside...which is timely being that I can't bend down  at the present moment lol...eases some of the guilt.) 

Parental Guilt

My guilt, I am realizing comes from my challenges caring for others.  I realized that the other day.  I am not grocery shopping the way I would like to...cleaning or cooking for them.  I am not looking after the pets the way I would like to...my poor old dog needs her nails clipped but in her crankiness she will bite if you touch her paws so they are getting really, really long .  Every time I look down at her feet...I feel guilty. 

I am not disciplining or guiding the way I want to as a parent...letting homework go or my daughter to stay home when I know she is tired not sick. I do not motivate and inspire with pep and energy like I used to in hard times.  How can I get my girl to be more physically active when I can barely get off the couch some days?  There is my son...another matter all together...and because he is downstairs and I avoid those stairs as much as possible...we seem to be cut off form each other for the most part.  I need to get down there to clean and observe what is really going on.

The yard is a mine field of garbage, broken things and dog poop lol.  I feel guilty that I am not cleaning it.  The inside of my car needs to be vacuumed...I keep telling myself...when I feel better...when I am less tired...on a good day....I will do it all then.  (I mean they are all good days...I should say days when I have more energy...but those days never seem to come.) The less I deal with everything the more things pile up or get bigger.  So I feel guilty...that is the emotion that I experience when I stop to feel...guilt. 

What is a step up from guilt? 

Blame...lol...skip to blame ...I try to say to myself: I am so angry for others putting me in this situation .  My problem is ...I can't seem to stay in blame...or anger...I believe I am so responsible for my life...I feel so accountable for everything that goes on in my life because I see it as a vibration of what is going on within me...thinking that I cannot stay in blame.  Part of me has stopped pushing forward.  I am stuck.  According to an article in Chakra Anatomy the second chakra (pelvic and lower back) is the source of guilt.  Go figure!

Anyway...I will figure it all out...or it will figure itself out.  All is well in my little world.

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass but learning to dance in the rain.
unknown

It is all  good.  I am managing the pain and as I do I feel more connected to something greater than my little experience in my little world. :) I even got my income tax done yesterday lol.  I can not sit for long but I managed to sit long enough for a couple of sessions at a time and I got it done.  Simple accomplishment ...no pressure.  Life is sweet.

All is well in my world!

Dialogue With the Body

In most cases learning something essential in life requires physical pain.
Haruki Murakami (Japanese writer)

The Message of Pain

I am learning something essential.  We all experience physical pain from time to time. Physical pain stills us and makes us listen.  We can gain valuable insight and knowledge from it  if we take the time to get beyond the discomfort to the lesson.

 My body seems a little desperate to get my attention lately.  It gets it through chest pain, pelvic pain and now my musculoskeletal system is joining in.  I got up from a crossed legged meditation yesterday and the back was gone.  I hurt my back in an emergency patient transfer way back in 1986 when I worked out west.  Was off work for one and half days with it ( if that).  Seen a doctor for a 5 minute visit a week later...he prescribed  Flexeril which I didn't take.  Never had an Xray or mentioned it to another doctor since but the effects of that injury never went away.

It goes out on me...I don't know how to describe it..."kinks up"  "Spasms" "prevents me from standing up or straightening up"  ..."causes pain that makes even putting my weight down on the floor excruciating"...it does this ...whatever this is...once or twice a year.  There were times I was literally unable to walk to the bathroom and had to be carried during these bouts.  Pretty!! lol 

But because it only goes out a couple of times a year I totally forget about it in between the bouts.   Yoga, I believe was my saving grace. I also used chiropractic from time to time with some benefit. Since I am not able to do my yoga regularly because of the crazy heart symptoms...the back isn't getting the stretching it needs.

So yesterday on top of the pelvic pain that was thankfully milder than it was the day before and the post work day cardiac symptoms I always get... I got the back pain.  I reached down at one point of the evening...all tensed up... to get something off the floor and I  pulled my shoulder.  There was a very sharp and intense pain there for a few minutes and that got aggravated for the rest of the night. 

If that wasn't enough, while I was sitting on the couch watching TV in an awkward position (my couch is not meant for bad backs or shoulders) ,  I started getting these awful Charlie horses in my feet...the kind that make your toes fan apart and you scream, jump up   and stamp imaginary fires out on the floor in an attempt to get rid of them. 

They went from one foot to the other for about an hour. Well of course every time I jumped up ...forgetting about my back and shoulder...I intensified those two other experiences and gave myself palpitations to boot. It was like: Really???  Could you be a little more subtle in your calling out to me?  You do not have to yell body!!!  I am becoming more aware!!I probably would have heard you without all this crap!  You could have just whispered that there was something you wanted me to hear." lol

Indulge me.  I am going to take it a part to examine the message each symptom might have to say in a more holistic way.  Let's go back and use the chakra's as a guide to understanding the lessons the pain might be teaching me.

The Chakra's

 

What are chakras? 

According to the ancient teachings of Yoga  and Ayurveda we have seven circulating wheels of energy that travel up the spine.  Each chakra has a name and colour and affects more than just the spine or physical body.  This spiral of energy houses the Prana or vital life force that resides within us all. It is believed that everything is energy and if energy is blocked anywhere along the chakras the person will have some type of emotional or life energy block as well. Healing is carried beyond the limitations of the physical body.

 

I won't list all them  but will supply the reference which can explain more to you. Whether you see this as "woo-woo nonsense" or not...have  a look before you dismiss the possibility of some truths hidden within these teachings.

Messages from The Lower Chakras

 

Let's start with the lowest affected chakra in me. The lower back and the pelvic region belong to the second chakra which is believed to be responsible for creative expression .  So here I am with a lot of screaming and complaining going on down there.  Could it be that I am not being creative enough?  Not writing enough?  I have been so busy submitting...that I have not put much into writing the two new books I lined up.  I know in my heart it is not about the publishing or making money...it is about the writing.  I need  to put more energy into creating than I do into selling my work.  :) Keep it pure!

 

I have been told that my shoulder and back will act up when I am not using my core muscles correctly...when they get weak and lazy.  So the core muscles are situated in the third chakra...the center of personal power.  Wow!  Weak in the power department means a feeling of powerless ness.  I do feel powerless to the events of my life lately...to my health condition, the financial situation, getting people to believe me and support me.  I can see that applying pretty nicely.  Maybe my body is telling me through pain in shoulder and back the same thing my physiotherapist is telling me...I need to build up my own power muscles if I want to be free of pain for good.  Cool.

Messages from The Heart Chakra

 

Now...this is really cool...the forth chakra is considered the bridge between matter and spirit.  That is where the heart resides...any respiratory or cardiac conditions would be due, according to these ancient teachings, to blocked energy that prevents us from reaching spiritual balance .  Here I am so caught up in awakening from and transcending a life dominated by ego and the world of matter to the spiritual.  Does it not make sense, then,  to have  a physical cardiac condition? 

Something is preventing the awakening.  I need to find out what that is. The heart chakra is also responsible for love and connection.  Is it a lack of self love that is preventing me from going forward into receiving the spiritual blessings all around me?  Do I feel disconnected from society and others because of my present situation?  I would have to answer yes to both.

Messages from The Third Eye
 

Then there is the sixth chakra which sits between the eyebrows.  A blockage here could affect my physical vision ( which I am having a heck of a time with lately) but also my intuition. My inability to see clearly and to have distortions in vision are telling me that I am not heeding my intuition enough which I definitely want to do.

 

Wow!  Pretty interesting isn't it?  Worth looking a little more into.

So much to learn from pain, the chakras and the body

 

So despite the pain I feel a bit of a thrill in thinking that there is more to it than the obvious.  There is a challenging lesson waiting to be understood through physical discomfort.  I can't say I like pain...but...I do love a good learning challenge!

 

All is well in my world.

 

Fondin, F. (n.d.) What is a Chakra? from The Chopra Center.  Retrieved from http://www.chopra.com/articles/what-is-a-chakra#sm.00019gtg1loafdrzv9s1doa39szzf